Starting Over
by sweetprincipale
Summary: Post s.7,Non-canon from end of Chosen. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both pairs can find true love and choose each other, Fate will grant Buffy and Spike a chance to rejoin their broken world, start a new life together, and find a happy ending for all.
1. Chapter 1

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: This was originally a piece with much more detail regarding the "other halves" of Spike and Buffy. However, I am re-writing Behind the Scenes to be focused mainly on Spuffy. If you've already read Behind the Scenes, this is basically a shortened, more singular dimensional piece, and you don't have to read it again :). New readers- I really hope you'll give it a chance. About 90% of this is solely set in the "Spuffy" world. The first few chapters are the hardest to get into, but I encourage you to push past it and see the life Spike and Buffy create for themselves. If that "parallel universe" premise is not to your liking, I understand, and hope you'll check out some of the other pieces that I've been working on._

_Author's Second Note: The non-magic realm is written in plain text, the shadow realm and the world of Sunnydale is written in italics._

_Dedicated to all the numerous fans and supporters of Behind the Scenes and Deleted Scenes._

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine.**_

_Dramatis Personae_

_There are two dimensions in this story, which slowly blend to one. If you want to read the mainly Spuffy side, you'll need to skim through up to Part X._

_If you're reading everything, let me introduce you to the characters in our little two-fold drama._

_Spike- Jim  
Buffy- Essie  
Xander- Max  
Giles- Patrick  
Willow- Ashley  
Angel- Daniel  
Tara-Gwenn  
Anya- Ellie  
Dawn- Monica  
Oz- Sammy_

Part I

_ The fire burned and consumed, a fire that was otherworldly. As it burned, it cauterized, and sealed one of the wounds in the world._

_ Only something went wrong. _

_ That wasn't supposed to happen._

_ Two souls were trapped inside, and the injustice of two heroes' fates cut off before they'd even begun caused the cosmos enough distress that another wound was created, in another world, in a parallel time, a parallel space._

_ While two souls found themselves cognizant but ensnared, two others were simply found. Lives that had been content to diverge were suddenly frantically realigned by heavenly beings to meet and intertwine._

* * *

_ But forces argued as they surveyed these layered realms._

_ They don't have true evil in this place. They have no true magic. They cannot understand the Chosen One and her Champion._

_ Love is always magic. You must always choose it, and champion its cause._

_ They won't understand the struggles, the depth._

_ We will give them a taste. Imagination can take even mere mortals to the deepest depths._

_ They do not know how to battle!_

_ Being in love is always worth the fight!_

_ We will let the Powers That Be decide._

_ Agreed._

* * *

_ The Powers didn't try to erase the sudden rift. They surveyed the four souls, alike in face, not alike in other ways, though now the same in purpose. They decided to offer a deal._

_ Four lives, very different, were changed, so that two living might give two warriors a chance to live again._

* * *

Two figures, a man and a woman, talented and passionate professionals, left a studio lot, left their fictional world of film, to go spend time together, best friends, partners on the set. Unconsciously wrapping their arms around each other, they went to take a break from a job that pushed the limits of what they could embrace and turn into characterization without losing themselves.

* * *

"_They seem closer, don't you think?" Above the sunny skies, two indistinct blurs of gray on gray mist watched the pair as they stepped into a black Mustang, and soon drove off to lunch._

_ "For all the wrong reasons." The slightly larger blur replied._

_ "Any reason is a good reason at this point." The feminine-voiced shadow disagreed._

_ "You're right, Luv. Took 'em long enough."_

_ "They have a long way to go. If they could just get past what's coming."_

_ "It's nothing real. Not for them, Pet. Don't fret." The blurs seemed to fuse for a second, and then drifted away, tendrils stretching like taffy. "Though, for them it'll seem so real. They're good at this actin' bit."_

_ "I wish we could tell them to hang in there. That it's worth it." _

_ "If he even feels a grain of friendship in comparison to how much I love you- he'll know it's worth it."_

_ "Will she, though? She's like me. I was so stupid, for so long." The shadows briefly joined again, seeming to comfort one another._

_ "You did get there, Luv. A bit late, perhaps, but as long as you got there..." _

_ "But, Baby- I don't want them to have to wait until the end." The voice, only able to reach to one other, was tearful, if patches of mist could be said to have tears._

_ "It's not the end for them, Precious. Not for us, either. Give 'em time." Swirling forms seen dimly, like phantasms walking in heavy fog, managed to clasp what passed for hands in their shadow realm. "This is only the beginning."_

* * *

Spike's hands flew off of Buffy as he stammered out an apology. Buffy staggered to her feet, eyes full of tears and hate. "Ask me again why I could never love you."

"And cut!"

Two actors, friends, comrades, in a harsh and unforgiving setting, helped each other up, dusted each other off, and shunned the help of the trained counselors the studio had provided, preferring to turn to the shelter of their cast and crew, a small group who'd begun as strangers and had now became a family as they wrapped up six years of working together.

* * *

Spike's other half shook his head, blinked back tears, and scrubbed at his stage makeup. That was not him, that was not him, he would never, and she knew he would never. He wanted to leave the set immediately and go shower for about a hundred years, and then call his son and tell him not to watch television ever again. At least nothing he was in.

He also wanted to check on his co-star, but he didn't know if she was freaking out. Or rather, how_ badly_ she was freaking out. Probably on the phone with her boyfriend. He had been both upset and relieved when she said her long-time live-in would not be there that day. He should be there, give some support to his girl. On the other hand, he didn't really want an irate boyfriend to kick his ass up and down the set. With a groan he lurched out of his chair and out the door. No use putting it off, he'd see her tomorrow anyway.

People were packing up for the day and he was so relieved. He didn't really wanna look at anyone right now. Didn't want to see their looks of disgust, or horror, or even sympathetic understanding. Not even his most trusted partner, but for all he knew, she was sitting in her dressing room sobbing, or just staring at the wall.

* * *

Buffy's other half pulled on her jeans and a tee shirt, stuffing her stupid, ugly, gray robe into the wardrobe laundry bag. If they were going to humiliate her, couldn't she be wearing something less disgusting? She picked up her cell phone, put it down, and picked it up again, for about the tenth time. She wanted to call her boyfriend, but she didn't want to be pitied. And she didn't want the usual lecture. She was an actress, actresses had to do things. Including rough "sex" scenes and getting-

"Hey, Hon? I'm heading out soon, just wanted to check on you, Luv." He tacked on his stage pet name for her without thinking. He winced, but at least the "Spike" accent hadn't come out as well.

She opened the door in relief. "I'm glad it's you. If it was the shrink lady I was gonna have to slip back into character and break someone's nose." She tried to make a joke, so he tried to joke back.

"As long as it isn't mine." He gingerly felt his nose, the thing Spike most often had targeted during fight scenes.

"_I'm_ not the one who can't pull kicks and punches." She frowned playfully.

"Hey, I'm good at that now! Stage is different from stunt and you know it." The lean blonde turned and carefully left the door halfway open.

"You can shut the door." She smiled reassuringly. He returned the smile sheepishly, shut the door and perched on the one chair she wasn't in.

"I'm sorry I did that. I'm - you know I wouldn't have done that. I still think maybe I should have just let them sue me for breach of contract." He put his head in his hand.

She nodded, lips pressed together. "I've been thinking that a lot. I'm just the stupid studio whore. Money isn't worth this. And it's not worth those burns you've got goin' on." She could see the raw burns on his scalp. Weekly peroxide treatments would do that to you. He sighed and tried not to touch his hair.

"Don't call yourself that. I'm the one doing the violence. God, how am I going to look my little boy in the eye next weekend?"

"Don't tell him?" His friend suggested. He rolled his eyes.

"Wait until you have children. What if you have a daughter someday? You gonna want her to watch you and I beating the shit out of each other and then falling into bed- or whatever the writer-gods tell us to lie on? D'you think I want my son, my only son, watching me hold you down like that?

"You are not _Spike_, you are one of my_ friends_! And you've never acted this confused about that before."

He looked up at her, eyes suddenly looking overly bright. "I've never acted out an attempted rape before. Certainly on on someone I-" He sighed bitterly. He took in her bruised arms and the scraped knee protruding from the tear in her jeans. He could still hear that scream, that pleading in her voice. He shook his head hard. _Not real, not real, not real._

"That's not from today." She was quick to reassure him.

"It's from me though, isn't it? Last week, that scene with the rug? No, that was too long ago, but it would be from one of our many rough and tumbles..."

"I think you're more bothered about this than I am." It came out as a forced laugh "Fight scenes are what we do."

"That wasn't a fight scene, it was a sex scene! I don't mind the fight as long as I'm not supposed to be... That is not how a man should act." He said with despairing emphasis.

"I know." She plopped herself down suddenly in his lap. "It was scary. It's been kind of scary lately." He rubbed her back comfortingly.

"You're still trembling. You might need to talk to that shrink lady."

"You're trembling too, d'ya want to go with me?" She countered. He laughed, and she laughed back. "We'll be okay. And tomorrow night we close that episode. And in just a couple weeks, there's the end of season party. My boyfriend'll be back from shooting on location. Is Liz going to be able to fly out?"

"Not sure yet. Couple choices." He grinned cheekily. She lowered her forehead to his and hugged his neck, giggling at him. "Am I forgiven then?"

"Yes, idiot!" She slugged his shoulder-pulling the punch at the last second. "Nothing to forgive." She got out of his lap, pulling him up with her. "Let's get out of here."

The exhausted actor hesitated. "Just one more quick thing. Um. I don't know exactly what they have in mind for next season. Are you gonna be okay with us acting together? Cause if not, I need to know. I'll talk to the boss and I'll make him listen for once."

"I will be fine. Geez, you are acting super thick skulled today." They locked eyes again and she saw the tension in his face. "Yeah, stupid thing to say, I know." _Particularly since if they ask me to do that again, I'll quit. That was the worst I've ever felt in my acting life..._ But she gave a big, cheesy smile, one he knew was a mask. "Everything's cool."

"I think I'll take you up on the getting wasted now." He rolled his eyes.

* * *

They left that night, arm in arm, intending to share a drink, maybe something alcoholic, or maybe something fattening. They intended to talk about their lives and loves and plans, and forget about the most emotionally grueling scene either of them had ever performed. One that made them ask if they could trust each other, if they could forgive each other for what felt so real, but could obviously not be farther from the friendship and respect they truly felt.

* * *

"My house or your apartment?" She asked, stretching out her sore legs. "If we go to my house, we don't need to stop at the store. We have a stocked cupboard."

"I'm all for that then. You have people at your place, right?"

"Um, sometimes, but not always. You mean the housekeeper and stuff?"

"Yeah. Are they there now?" His fingers tensed on the wheel, and it wasn't just the stupid city traffic.

"It's after five, so no. Why? You want to get me alone?" She teased, trying hard to lighten her friend's somber mood.

"No, the opposite. I want someone to be there. In case you get weirded out."

"I am _not_ going to suddenly think you are trying to attack me!"

"Good! Because I don't want that to be the way you think of me!" He put his head down on the steering wheel as they braked. "I just want to die. During that scene, that was all I could think about. Just let me bash my skull on the concrete of the set and die."

"That's dark." She said quietly. Much darker than all the dark things they had talked about lately, in the aftermath of the troubling scenes. "But I know how you feel. I kept looking up at you, and thinking I just wanted this whole damn day to be over. Not because of you, just the scene." There was an awkward pause as he started driving again. "Oh, and I wanted to tell you that your hands were actually very gentle. I knew you wouldn't hurt me and I wasn't scared of you. Not scared at all. Just- uuugh, that was awful. I just want to take a shower for about a hundred years."

Her friend chuckled softly. "Ironic. That was exactly what I thought. Or maybe it's not so ironic-"

"After spending a couple years together?" She laughed. "Turn here, you'll miss the traffic."

"Miss the traffic? Are you serious? There is no effing way to ever miss traffic in this city!"

"Whatever. Do you want to stop and get anything?"

"I really want ice cream." The male with the sex symbol body admitted finally. That was on his "avoid at all costs" lists, because it meant an extra hour at the gym every time the trainers found out about it.

"You are such a girl." His petite co-star teased him.

"Shaddup." He reached to give her shoulder a shove and then stopped, just letting his fingers lightly brush her arm. She sighed and leaned across him to enter the security code for her gated house in the hills. Well, technically the house she shared. Not that her boyfriend was home much.

They walked into the house together, one heading straight for the liquor cabinet while pointing the other in the direction of the fridge.

"How the hell do you stay so thin if you have all this Haagen-Daz in the fridge?" He shouted to her.

"Endless action on the set. And what about you, ab-alicious?"

"You think my abs are delicious?" He asked with a very Spike-like smile.

"I'm taken, not blind." She laughed. "Oooh, I have this recipe for a vodka chocolate smoothie, do we have chocolate ice cream?"

"It's got caramel in it, does that matter?" He asked, stepping back into the kitchen. "You've got about twelve blenders in here, does it matter which one I use?"

"I'll do it, you're a guest."

He snorted. All the times they had been in each other's homes and never felt the need to stand on ceremony. "I'm depressed, hon, but I'm not ready to be treated like an old man."

* * *

They ended up crashed on her sofa, legs twined, mindless cable on, an empty alcoholic smoothie cup on her side of the floor and two empty cartons of ice cream on his side. "And next- _A Clockwork Orange_-"

"Channel change!" He lunged for the remote.

"Today, we speak with women in abusive relationships who claim-" She threw a sofa pillow at the television with deadly accuracy. "What kind of sick world are we living in?"

"Just wish you could wash the filth off." He spat, sitting up.

"Hey, we forgot that. Showering for a hundred years."

"Oh, yeah, hey, we did. Um, I'll see you tomorrow then?" Spike's double stood up, dusting off his jeans, inspecting his tee shirt for traces of ice cream.

"Where are you going?" Buffy's dimensional twin asked. "We have four showers here, I think you can use one of them. I mean, we both went through shitty scenes, we should get to relax. And you shouldn't drive. They can do ice cream breathalyzers now." In truth she wanted him to stay. He was the only one who knew what she was feeling. _Oh God. That was so Buffy/Spike. But it's true._

"Well, no one waiting for me at home. Point me in the direction of the shower." He pulled off his shirt. They seemed to get his shirt off in every show these days. And his pants. He hated that. Shirt okay, pants, not okay. And he didn't like seeing his female friend in her little flesh colored stocking thing either, because she looked so miserable before and after. He especially didn't like her seeing him with just that damn crotch sock on either. Humiliation galore.

She tried not ogle his abs more than usual, but failed. She came over and stroked his arm. "I'm glad you came over. I feel better." She tugged him up the stairs and into one of the palatial guest bathrooms. "Towels in that closet. And really good shower gel."

"Thanks, hon." He patted her arm. "I'm glad you had me over, too. Way less suicidal now."

She smiled and left the room, her hand lingering on the doorknob. She heard the shower starting. Her acting partner was such a sweet guy, nice guy. And a really good actor to be able to go so dark but stay so caring and professional. As much as she loved her boyfriend, also in the business, she was glad it was just them today. Or rather- tonight. Whoa, it was after seven already. "Do you want pizza after this?" She asked over the rush of water.

"What?" He hollered through the door.

"Pizza!"

"Needs a what?" He asked. "Did you say you need something? You okay?"

"Can I come in?" She finally laughed. The laugh died abruptly as her guest appeared, a towel held loosely in front of his hips, pushing open the door.

"You okay?" He looked concerned. And wet. Wow.

"I'm fine. I asked if you wanted me to order pizza after your shower."

"That'd be good, but it's my treat. And hey- you need to wash off this day as much as I do. Go take care of yourself, Sweetie."

Her hand held the door open and he stepped back. "Yes?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, yeah. Let me get dressed."

"I mean, can I come in. As in the shower." She didn't know what she was saying, just that she meant it.

"I am beyond flattered, but-" _But you want to come in the shower with me, after a scene of attempted rape set in a bathroom_? "You want to come in here? Shower- tub- tile floor, ring any bells?"

"The set bathroom was a big open space, it never felt like a a real bathroom to me." She felt that way, at least concerning the bathroom. "Besides, I just don't want to be alone right now. And actors, nudity, what's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that we've both had a rough day, and you just had a half cup of vodka." He reminded her gently. She stepped in next to him, and wrapped her arms around his chest, soaking her shirt in the process. "Maybe you need to talk to someone? Boyfriend?"

"I don't want my boyfriend. I want my_ friend_ friend. Besides- I've seen you in your sock. And you deserve some payback." She grinned and yanked the wet clingy tee over her head.

"You are going to feel bad about this." He said urgently, not looking at her cleavage, focusing on her eyes.

"I'll feel worse if you push me away." She pouted. She shook her head hard in the next second. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I do want to come in- but I'm not listening to what you're saying. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

She pulled her hand back, and he leaned his head against the wall, watching her walk from the room. He wasn't comfortable, but he still wanted to be there for her. And he wanted her there for him just as much. "Oh dammit. Come in here! But for God's sake, put the light out- and leave the door open. Double dammit, I sound like my mother."

"And mine! Except she said 'lights on'." She took off her clothes in a hurry, shutting off the light, leaving the door open as he asked. She swallowed. If her boyfriend ever found out, he would_ not_ understand. But all she needed was a hug, and some place to cry. Someone to cry on.

His girlfriend would murder him. More than she would already, with all the faked sex scenes. Plus the way she would look at him after seeing this episode. He sank down on the floor. "Come here. Have a seat- oh no, not on me though." Apparently she decided to ignore him.

"Shut up." She sat on his lap, legs curled up under her, and her head on his chest. Hesitantly he wrapped his arms around her, his hands gently cupping her shoulders.

"You've had a rotten day, huh, hon?" He sighed.

"True. And so have you."

To that remark, the man under her got more quiet, and leaned his head against the wall, thunking it there several times.

"Liz. Liz'll never look at me the same." He muttered softly._ I'll never look at me the same either._

"That isn't true." The naked female cried, hugging her friend tighter, heedless of their state of undress in her need to comfort the man who comforted her. "She'll love you just as much as ever. She knows what it's like to act, and she knows you are a good, convincing actor."

"I don't think she'll be like that, she doesn't treat me like that, we're not like you guys. Long distance for one thing. I think that makes her less supportive, more jealous." _More scared of me, as well now, thanks to this._

"Mine's plenty jealous! You know that. I'm actually glad he wasn't there today. I don't need him to pressure me, or yell some more-"

His protective side took over, and he interrupted with a hard edge to his voice. "Why didn't you tell me he yelled at you about this?"

"What could you do about it? He knows what I do and it's one reason he likes me so much. All couples fight. All good actors have difficult performances."

"Okay, you're right." She smiled tearfully, but of course he couldn't see it in the dark.

"I had - that was-" all the sudden the dam burst and she sobbed. What really embarrassed him was that he felt choked up, too.

"Shhh. Shh. I know." He consoled, pulling her closer, surprised as she shifted and nearly kneed him in the groin. "It was terrible." He forced some cheer in his voice. "But hey, all done that scene and after this- pizza!" She laughed, but then gripped him harder.

"Some women actually- it isn't an act for them- and they-" her sobbing doubled and he let a few of his own tears surface. "And the man isn't just acting..."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He murmured in a broken voice.

"I'm not blaming you, Baby, it's just-it's real. For them."

He nodded silently, making sure she could feel his head bobbing in the dark. _Wait- "Baby"? That was not a typical friend name for them._

"Just hold me. Tell me we'll never be put in that situation." She whispered tensely.

"Not if there is something I can do to prevent it." He gently kissed her hairline. And suddenly, oh that was not supposed to happen, they were kissing one another. Gentle, real kisses, not those stupid fake, lip biting kisses that they exchanged on the set.

"Oh. Sorry." She pulled back and leaned away from him.

"Just caught up in the moment, I understand." He nodded hard, blocking out the feel of her kisses. Why in heaven's name was he holding a naked woman against him, in an intimate way, that had nothing to do with his job? He had a girl, she had a guy.

"No." She admitted. "I think- I think I've been wanting to do that."

"What are you saying?" He whispered. "Is that the alcohol talking?"

"No. It's me talking. We get so wrapped up in the Spike/Buffy rumor mill, we forget what good things are right under our noses."

He lowered his head to tease his lips around hers, not quite a kiss, more of a gentle brush. "I agree, but we have family and lovers of our own."

"I know. But it's been such a horrible, horrible day. And not such a fun season actually. Do you think they'd mind- two friends- just this one time?"

"Yes, actually, I do think they'd mind." He unseated her and pulled her up beside him as he stood. "If you want this- you have to think about-"

"I just want to make love to my friend. My best friend. Just once." In the dark he couldn't tell if her eyes were pleading or condemning, testing or just smiling up at him.

"As Spike and Buffy?" He asked, voice low against her ear.

"No. As us."

"I needed to know. Because I cannot do the things that we do on the set. I don't _want_ to do the things we do on the set-"

"I'm not asking you to.." She nibbled his lips, then collarbone, letting him lead her out of the tub. She paused, tilting her head. "So you're a strictly vanilla guy?"

"I wouldn't say _that_..." The stunning figure before her gave her a seductive smile, a slow grin.

"I don't want anything but some time with you." She clarified.

"As long as that's the case, one time... just between us?" He confirmed.

"Yeah. As friends." She now pulled him, not towards her room, towards the nearest guest room available. She exchanged a subdued smile with him, looking at him with a warm light in her eyes, and she was relieved to find it mirrored in his own.

"Very, very, good friends." He hugged her tightly, leaning her back on the bed, taking in the sight of her, but waiting until she pulled him towards her to make any more moves. Clearing his tight throat he whispered, "You say stop if you need to. You let me know the _second _that you-_"_

"I want you to come here. And I want you relax. You're my friend. You're not going to hurt me."

"That's right." He murmured, scooting in beside her. Her smile was amused and soft. "What's so funny?"

"If I had known what you kept under your sock you can bet I would have tried a lot harder to get it off." she grinned.

"You too, hon." He ran his fingers lightly across her breasts. She caught his hands and he froze. "I'm sorry, was that-"

"No. I just wanted to tell you something. If you want me to stop, you say so too. And I won't be doing any 'slayer' moves on you." She knew he didn't need the same reassurance he had just offered, but he smiled warmly at her. He knew she said it to make them equal. He wasn't going to be the attacker, she wasn't going to be the prey.

"Kay, sweetie." He nodded his head and moved closer to her.

They lay side by side, the room lit by a single expensive bedside light. "Different without the hundred techs milling around."

"And that stupid sound boom. So this is, just us. Real."

"Real." She pushed herself closer to him.

* * *

They kissed, harder, deeper, loving every second of closeness, the day of hurtful filming, hurtful actions, all fading.

_No one else has ever made me feel so relaxed. I really do trust him. _And it wasn't just the memory of those handcuff scenes either. She burrowed her head into the soft place where his neck met his shoulder and kissed harder.

"Just us. Just some time together." She murmured. "Why aren't you in me yet?" She breathed in a passionate, hungry little whisper.

He hesitated. He didn't want to bring up the day they'd had, but yet, that was the reason he was still waiting inches away from a guilty paradise. "I was waiting for you to tell me you want it." He whispered.

"I want it. I want you. I want you inside me." She hissed passionately. And he was in her, deep in her, solid, slick, with one hard thrust.

She clenched him at once, hard, pulsing. _Oh my Lord. What am I doing? Oh my God, I'm inside her! _With a shock of realization he froze. This was not right. It felt so incredible, but not right.

_Oh no,_ _I've finally slipped. Let the fake get into my real life, and my actor buddy into my real body._ S_o why doesn't this feel fake? Why does this feel more real than anything, _ever_? They said we had incredible chemistry, and it's true. But it's not right._

He paused, and she paused, eyes locked.

"We can stop." He whispered softly.

"Yeah. I know." She murmured. He started withdrawing and she gripped his shoulders hard. "Did _you_ want to stop?"

"If you're not comfortable..."

"But I am. Wrong, but very, very comfortable." She kissed him again.

He entered her more fully, again and again,deeper and deeper. About that time, he had another realization.

"Hey? You take the pill?"

"Yes. I do. Wow. You're thinking a lot more clearly than me."

"Maybe we should stop- you were drinking, I wasn't. You might-" he swallowed hard. "You might hate me later. You might say that I- took advantage." He swallowed harder. "You might think I r-"

"Do not say that! Of course I won't think that! Hate you? You're my best friend, I love you!"

Their eyes met with shock.

_Oh no. Did I say that? Stupid, stupid woman. Way to make your life suck._

_ Did she say that? She couldn't tell me that now, could she, not now. Not after we've made our lives go in separate directions_. He groaned internally. _Give her the out, man, be chivalrous. She's had an awful day, just like you. Even worse than you._

"Yeah. I love you too. No one could love a friend more."

"I know what you're doing." She said after a moment's silence. "And it was tempting to take you up on it. But I can't lie to you. I think I trust you the most of anyone. I meant I love you. Like Romeo and Juliet."

"Like Spike and Buffy." He corrected, a hint of a sneer on his features. "Sweetie, I think maybe you're-"

"No. No extra complicatedness. I just realized it a little late, but yeah, I love you. Even if you're not really blonde and British. I don't love Spike, some fictional character. I love you."

"All this third person shit is very annoying." After a breathless moment, he laughed finally. "How about this. I love you, too."

"I love you." She smiled and repeated dreamily.

* * *

It was sometime in the course of the night that the two crossed the lines of friendship, and admitted to something more. In spite of all the world and all the complexities of their lives, the most horrible and emotionally draining thing they'd ever done, some final piece of their reserve snapped, and said three heartfelt, non-retractable words. "I love you."

They knew they shouldn't. But like two figures they had come to know through their portrayal, two figures who also "shouldn't" be in love, they could not deny any longer that they were.

Somewhere else, somewhere they had never imagined, a place they would have called fantastical and fictional, two figures peered from one reality to another, looking for those "other halves" of themselves, who now held the key to their survival.

* * *

_Somewhere in the silent, empty studio, two translucent figures walked the darkened stage. "Hey, Luv." The British blonde's voice was rough and low._

_ "Took them long enough." said the petite female form, half drifting, half walking to her mate._

_ "A powerful catalyst, you said. Didn't tell me my half was going to fall apart for the whole bloody night. Poor sod, havin' to relive-" he trailed off swallowing hard, "I'm so sorry, Precious. I'll never stop sayin' it." A silver ringed finger reached out and brushed back the hair drifting on her cheek. For the first time in a long time, the fingers made contact with unyielding flesh._

_ "Shh. Everything is okay now. We forgive, even if we can't forget." She held him close, surprised to find him turning more solid against her. "It's working!" The soft voice was tremulous with joy. "We're so close!" She leapt into her lover's arms, inhaling sharply as she felt his partially corporeal arms lift her above him. She planted a longing kiss on his mouth. "Been so long since we could do that." _

_ "You didn't like the spirit love then, Pet?" _

_ "Oh no, I did. I just missed being solid. And flesh colored." She hastily reassured him, kissing him all over his upturned face as he smiled._

_ "Never was very flesh colored when we were together." He reminded her, worrying her pouting lip with his nibbling teeth._

_ "It doesn't matter. Look how happy they- how happy we- are." _

_ "We'll be stronger every day, and then we can go home." He grinned down at the representatives of his mate and himself, now cuddling on a black couch in a rather nice flat._

_ "Do you think a lot of time has passed there?" The feminine voice was worried and hesitant. "Do you think they'll still be there?"_

_ "Time is standing still for us, Luv. As soon as this pair are linked, we'll all, every one of us, be able to live our lives- or our unlives- again."_

_ "These ones were way more stubborn." She frowned, tossing her hair._

_ "I beg pardon, Pet? More stubborn than you? At least this bint can pull her punches." The silvery shadow was solidifying more and was able to feel the often broken bridge of his nose for the first time in awhile._

_ "That _bint _is an actress, and he's not really you!"_

_ "Don't say that. We're them and they're us- just different times and places. So don't be jealous if I admire this side of you. Besides, she doesn't hold a candle to you in any way, 'specially in bed." The figure in black hugged his mate tenderly, whispering the last words in a low husky voice in her ear._

_ "Ooh, that's right. Guess we better go make sure all our parts still work." With a sly smirk, the pair made a hasty retreat into the void where they had been waiting for several years, watching their other selves learn to trust and finally to love, each other. It was a much easier journey than the one they had faced, but they all needed to reach the same point- so they could all move on. _

_ "We can all move on, Luv." Her partner could read her mind as easily as listening to her words. "But if we do- they'll be unhappy with the wrong people. And we'll still be living in our shadow realm. Which I must admit is quite cozy."_

_ "You know you miss my crazy family and friends."_

_ "I know. Just as we finally start getting along, we take this little trip." A smiling snarl played around his lips._

_ Wrapped in a swirling gray mist, they found that they could touch each other, indeed. Inhuman roars and growls echoed in the nothingness, accompanied by longing, then satisfied screams._

_ "Oh God, Slayer. Been too bloody long..." He panted, rolling his glistening, spent body off hers._

_ "Too long is right. Do you think we'll have to alter anything to get them to- keep realizing what they want?" She didn't want to lose this, didn't want to go backwards._

_ "Not really. Just be patient. I'm good at that- you're not." He teased._

_ "Uh- no. You're really not." She rebuffed him. "Besides, shouldn't this be moving much more quickly for them? They just have 'normal' people stuff to deal with, icky relationship stuff and whose name is on the mortgage. Every demon _she _sees is really a nice man in a costume." She pouted, slumping against his chiseled chest._

_ "And her bloke is really a nice man in vamp make up, and obviously not at all your style." He pushed her roughly back into their wispy nest, kissing her hard. "You ever think, Pet, that the reason I love you like mad, like the devil itself- which believe me, I know what I'm talkin' about here- is because of all the hell we had to endure?"_

_ "It's the reason we almost died." She retorted hotly. "Oh, and the reason I almost killed you, or you tried to kill me, more times than I can count!"_

_ "Never managed it though, did we, Luv?" his voice was slightly amused. "Love takes trials to strengthen."_

_ "Says the poet with a shiny new soul." _

_ "Not so new anymore." He whispered quietly. "I think I know what my other half is going through. Would rather walk through hell again than do the things he's acted out in the last day."_

_ "Stop. I- I know. And I know it was wrong, but I think- think I hurt you just as bad. And physical pain is way easier than emotional pain."_

_ "Let's not kid ourselves, Pet. I gave you plenty, as you gave me." He smiled fondly down at her. "Init amazing what you'll go through if you love someone enough?"_

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: This was originally a piece with much more detail regarding the "other halves" of Spike and Buffy. However, I am re-writing Behind the Scenes to be focused mainly on Spuffy. If you've already read Behind the Scenes, this is basically a shortened, more singular dimensional piece, and you don't have to read it again :). New readers- I really hope you'll give it a chance. About 90% of this is solely set in the "Spuffy" world. The first few chapters are the hardest to get into, but I encourage you to push past it and see the life Spike and Buffy create for themselves. If that "parallel universe" premise is not to your liking, I understand, and hope you'll check out some of the other pieces that I've been working on._

_Author's Second Note: The non-magic realm is written in plain text, the shadow realm and the world of Sunnydale is written in italics._

_Dedicated to all the numerous fans and supporters of Behind the Scenes and Deleted Scenes, and in particular, the fabulously insightful Ginar369, and the encouraging Suchagleekx, Ella, Rihannon, and Rororogers._

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine.**_

Part II

The first tentative moments of intimacy were hard for the living pair, the pair on the magic-less plane. They'd seen each other act their most brutal and unbalanced. They worked so hard to build trust in "real life" that they had on stage. To be gentle, to show love that was nothing like the lines they said, the punches they threw. To be as separate from their characters as possible, to break themselves apart, to prove, "We are not them. We would never harm each other like that."

* * *

The early morning sunlight woke her first. She was looking at a rippling ivory back. In her bed. That was _not _her boyfriend's back.

_"Would you stop saying you're all traumatized? You know you like him on top of you, probably wish the cameras would stop rolling so you could finish your little role playing game!"_

She blinked hard- trying to put the angry torrent of words out of her mind. She'd called her boyfriend last night, late, while neither of them could sleep, the impact of all they'd done and what they'd just done on top of it driving them insane. Her partner was unable to reach his girlfriend on the reach coast, but she had been able to reach Matt. Things went to hell from hello. Screaming, accusing, the ugly words about actresses getting too into their work when she tried to explain what happened... and what had happened next.

She blinked again, looking at the figure who'd loved her and comforted her. Matt wasn't here. He hadn't called back to apologize. And she was damn happy about it. The man in her bed, in her heart, was her best friend, her partner. Had been him for quite a few weeks now, she'd just been too dumb to see it. But it was morning now...

"Good morning." His voice was quiet, carefully calm, perfectly tuned to sound pleasant but not super happy, super loving.

She couldn't keep the smile out of her voice. "You are the best male lead I've ever seen! God, I love you!" The sleep-rumpled blonde smiled at him with her entire face, her eyes twinkling, as he turned to her. His face changed from carefully arranged to openly incredulous.

"You- did you sleep? Are you hungover?" He asked quickly, so quickly it was comical and she had to laugh.

"Yes, I slept, and no, I am not hungover. Gosh, you've seen me down a bottle of champagne with hardly any help, what makes you think a shot of vodka in a smoothie is going to waste me?"

"You said you love me. And it's morning." Spike's other half felt his mouth quirking into a wide genuine grin, felt his heart start pumping hard. "I mean, if you remember what we talked-"

"Oh, I remember." His co-star interrupted in a sultry whisper. "You went all noble on me and told me to think, and sleep, and sober up, every delaying tactic possible-"

It was his turn to interrupt. "Not tactics! I wanted to respect you! Prove to you that I'm not, ever, going to hurt you. That I want what is best for you."

"Then you better hurry up and tell me you love me back." She cooed, running her hands up his arms.

"I love you-back, and front, and sideways- and in any and all other positions you want." He was so relieved, so ecstatic that she hadn't changed her mind, that all the rest of his caution, his best laid reasonings went flying. He hugged her, then kissed her, bending her head back into his hands, tongue deep and probing into her mouth, grateful when she responded in kind, with just as much passion. And that she hadn't laughed at his babbled expression of love.

Oh my God, he felt so good, so wonderful. And she loved him, right or wrong. He rolled her over, so she was on top. She smiled down, breaking the kiss. "I don't mind you on top of me."

"I know that." He said, too hastily. She gave him a warning frown.

"Don't start off this relationship by lying."

"I'm trying to make our first time- not like- as much as possible- anything like the scenes yesterday." _She said relationship- not a one time thing. _

The young woman paused before arguing. "And I'm thankful for that." She gave him a sudden sly smile. "But Matt told me one thing last night that was true, amongst all the hundred pounds of bullshit." Her lover looked like he'd been sucker punched. His eyes went wide with a spasm of pain and she knew he'd leapt to the wrong conclusion. Probably thinking that she'd decided she wanted some sort of sexual game based on violent, forced sex, just like Matt accused her of. "He only said _one true thing_- that I like you on top of me."

"Sweetheart." He smiled, breathing again, hurt vanishing. She slid off him gracefully, like silk sliding down him, onto her back, pulling his hands to bring him on top of her.

"I know you're not him. I'm nothing like her, either. I love you. Feel safe with you."

"I love you. Trust you so much." He replied.

It was not what their more passionate, more dangerous halves were used to, although secretly they might covet it.

* * *

_ "Fine pair we've spawned," grumped the shadowy creature that watched over the couple._

_ "Shush. Not spawned. That sounds all evil and demon-y." The petite girl beside him frowned._

_ "Hullo? Undead here."_

_ "Yeah, well- so am I."_

_ "That's not what I wanted for you. I tried. God, Buffy, I tried so hard! You shouldn't have jumped into the flames, I pushed you away for a reason."_

_ "I told you I loved you and you argued with me! What was I supposed to do?"_

_ "Oh, I dunno. Get out of the bleedin' building before it was sucked into hell?"_

_ "No one else was going to leave me. Most of all, not you. Not when you- when I finally realized how much I loved you." Her facade began to crack._

_ "Don't cry, pet. No more crying. Makes the ethereal plane all soggy." He put his arm around her as she watched the two humans training together, laughing, side by side, pretty much carefree, her tears silently falling, little gray pearls hitting the mist and dissolving. "It's my fault anyhow. Should've listened."_

_ "I didn't make it easy for you to believe me." With a sudden fierce strength and speed she hugged her lover hard. "But at least we're together. And we both still have our souls, so even if we never get out of here- at least we'll stay together in some form."_

_ "That's right, Luv. All eternity together. Sorry if that's not what you had in mind, 'cause I don't know how to get out of this."_

_ "It's not what I had in mind, but it is what I wanted. Although I do want to go home first, live our lives- or un-lives, first."_

_ "Well, our other halves are getting us there, slowly, but surely."_

_ "Don't they know they're part of the greatest, fastest, most lethal lovers in the world? We don't_ do _slow!"_

_ His chuckle was low and amused against her throat. "We should be flattered. Not many ever get to see themselves as they are in other dimensions."_

_ "Isn't it weird they're actually acting out our lives? Like, our reality is their fiction?" She gave a sudden shiver, even though the air in the void- if you could call it air- was never anything but comfortable._

_ "Dunno, Pet. Never heard of anyone actually getting to see their other halves before."_

_ "The Powers said we were special." She shrugged._

_ "No, the Powers said you were a bloody fool for jumping in after a half-crazed vamp with one hell of a record."_

_ "Then you tried to punch them. I wonder if all-powerful beings can get black eyes?"_

_ "I'm just happy they didn't separate us." The pale blonde shivered suddenly as well. "Living forever- without you- that'd be hell."_

_ '"Love you." She whispered. There was nothing more to say than that. They'd died trying to save people, and she'd died rather than live without him. Since they both had souls, and they had committed some great act of love, bravery, blah, blah, blah, they would be given a chance- by proxy at first. If their other halves could somehow meet and fall in love, real love, they'd get to go back. Not back to a perfect word, back to their crumbling ruin, but be together in life, and then someday, still together in death. And the Powers must have been really impressed, because instead of making that deal "make it or break it" in nature, they clarified that should the other halves never unite, the two heroes would still be allowed to remain together, in spirit only. _

_ "Don't like how they keep sayin' they're not us." Spike broke the silence in a broody voice._

_ "Why? Do you think they aren't?" Buffy was in a panic. "The Powers could have had us watching the wrong couple for all this time, some kind of colossal joke for something we did?"_

_ "Slayer, use your eyes. And your senses, if they can reach out of this wad of cotton wool. That's us. Spittin' image of us. Though he isn't so devilishly handsome as I am."_

_ "Fancy yourself much?" She wrinkled her nose in a cute grin. "Besides, you haven't seen yourself in- well- since I don't know how time is moving, I guess it could be forever. But at least 120-some years. He looks just like you, down to the scar on his eyebrow."_

_ Her lover gave her a crooked grin, the kind that still made her toes curl. "Didn't mean to sound vain, Luv. Just tryin' to make you smile."_

_ "You always make me smile."_

* * *

It didn't take long for the pieces to begin to build. Love was granted. Trust was needed. Trust as friends had been given so easily. But trust with hearts- they'd already had that trust broken, by fathers, by ex-wives, by old boyfriends, by others. They were surprised how easily it came. It was only a few days before she whispered words she'd never said to anyone but him, looking up at him as he came to bed beside her. "I feel safe with you."

"I'll never let you down."

"I won't let you down either."

He paused, walking hand in hand with her back to the long hallways where their dressing rooms were. "Hey, Babe? You wanna make a phone call with me? Someone I think I'd like you to talk to."

* * *

"Daddy!" His son's voice rippled through the speaker on the cell phone.

"Hi Buddy! Congrats on the lost tooth! Got your message." The platinum-haired man's whole face was transformed, every line dropping, and every trace of the badass vampire wiped off- except for the gruesome body make up. His lover smiled to herself as she watched the transformation from hard to soft.

"Daddy, what does the tooth fairy leave in Califordia?"

"Well, if you're good, and it's a good tooth, they leave five bucks."

"But the New York tooth fairy took my tooth with her!" The boy wailed.

"Oh, but that's okay! See, all the tooth fairies know each other! The New York tooth fairy will call the California one, and she'll let her know if it was a good tooth."

"Oh, okay." The small voice sounded reassured. "Daddy, is your hair going to be yellow-white or brown?"

"Yellow-white." He glanced at his co-star, perched on the dressing table, who looked confused and explained. "Platinum bleach blonde is 'yellow-white' in my son's vocabulary."

"Will it be yellow-white all summer?"

"No, bud, Daddy's hair will be the same color as yours by the time you come to stay with me. Um, Sul, would you like to spend the summer at Daddy's place in California this year?"

"Okay." The child said easily. "But- what will happen to the New York 'partment?"

"Liz will live there. Sul- you know Liz, right?"

"Yeah, your girlfriend." He sing-songed.

"No, son, now she's just Daddy's friend." The actor admitted heavily, echoes of a phone war attacking his ears.

_"I did something terrible. I broke my promise to you."_

_ The silence was deafening. "You screwed that blonde bitch." Liz's voice rasped momentarily._

_ "Yes. I did. And it was completely wrong of me, and bad of me, and you don't have to ever forgive me or speak to me again. I know I hurt you more than you-"_

_ "Don't flatter yourself!" Liz's furious voice was like a slap across the face, stinging and raw. "You think I care what you did? Screw the whole freaking cast, I hear you're making your way through most of the women on the set!" Her voice rose to a banshee scream. _

_"Liz, I'm so sorry, I should have broken it off first, and then you'd know it wasn't-"_

_ "SHUT UP!" The sobs on the end of the line were painful to hear, causing a twisting in his gut, nearly as bad, but not as panic stricken, as the day before. "Shut your mouth! I warned you! I warned you she was after you, you and your bad boy vampire, S&M fetish fantasy life! Told you to leave the show and return to acting on stage, real acting! You're in a glorified porno! The kind where men tie-"_

"Are you sad, Dad?" The voice of his son, his momentary savior.

The screaming vanished from his head. "I'm okay, Sul. I have another friend." He smiled up at her, and she looked at him with melting eyes.

"Is it a girl?"

"Yeah, it is." He took her hand.

"Does she play video games? Does she have a dog? Or a hamster?"

He held out the phone to her, though shook her head frantically. "Just say hi." He ordered, giving her the "big blue eyes" routine. She leaned carefully on the back of his chair and mentally crossed her fingers.

"Hi Sul. I work with your dad."

"Hi. Do you have a hamster or a dog?"

"N-no. But, I guess I could always get one. For you, I mean." She replied hastily, which earned her a glare as the boy's father hissed,

"How the heck am I gonna send a hamster home with him to NYC on a plane? God forbid a dog!"

"But only if your parents say you can." She amended quickly.

"Mom! Can I have a hamster or a dog?"

"Where, at Daddy's? That's up to him." She heard the ex-wife say. She knew she had a name, but that was how she thought of her.

"Thank you, Anna, _dear_! Sul? We have to talk about it, okay? But, not now, cause Daddy has to get back to work soon."

"Kay. Do I get to meet your new friend this time?"

The actors looked at each other, both nodded emphatically, she adding that sweet, wholesome smile that captured the imaginations of millions every week. _And she's smiling it at me, _he preened. Turning back to the phone he said,

"Yeah. But it is still our special time together. We're going to do stuff on our 'weekend list'."

"Yesss!" The child cheered.

"Love you, Sul."

"Love you, too Dad! See you soon!"

"Bye bye, buddy." He hung up an turned to his paramour with a content smile, which suddenly twitched. "Did you promise my kid a hamster, or did I dream that?"

"I might have." She squeaked. "Do you think we can talk him out of it?"

"_We_? Oh no, Hon. No_ we_ in this case. You promised the kid a pet- _you_ talk him out of it."

"Can't I persuade you to help me a little? Maybe later tonight?" Soft hands rand down a hard body.

"Mmm, maybe." He wrapped her close to him, letting out a shaking breath. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"Wanting to meet my kid. Even if you just went nuts and panicked and tried to buy him with livestock."

She giggled. "Of course I want to meet him." Then sobered. "If _you_ want me to meet him, Jim. I- I know. big deal, huh?"

"You have no idea." His sharp blue eyes bored into her.

"We can wait."

"No. Ess..." He called her by her nickname. "I can trust you." He bent his head to hers, and she parted her lips, hands kneading more insistently.

"I trust you, too. Love you. Can't wait to show you just how much. Soon as we get home."

* * *

They stumbled into his apartment this time. But it was still home. They had each other. Home was where they were together, especially on days like today, when bad memories tried to crowd out new good experiences, when accusatory exes, partially justified, screamed loud enough inside their heads to damage the softer voices of love trying to speak out.

"I'm a mess." She panted.

"Film gore." He laughed.

"Should have showered there."

"I have a shower. We're good in showers." We_ are. Not them. Us._

* * *

"You know that scene in the old condemned building?" He scrubbed her back in the shower, tightly pressed against her. Both for necessity of the shower size and the pleasure of being close to her.

"You mean _the_ scene?" She blushed. That was the first time they had been asked to act out a passionate sex scene, not just some simple petting and kissing, or the light fluffy scenes between his character and the robotic Buffy. They were uncomfortable, nervous, but professional. She remembered him picking her up to his waist gently, his hands were supportive, and pressing a little harder than she liked, but her leather coat was slippery and he hand to keep adjusting his hold.

"Yes, _the_ scene." He breathed in her ear. "Can I try that again? I think I have a new interpretation for that."

"Show me. And if anyone asks why I was having hot steamy sex in the shower, I'll say we were reviewing different interpretations for one of our scenes." She laughed.

"I'm not planning on us getting caught. No falling buildings here." He turned her to face him, moaning softly when her soft soapy breasts collided with his muscular chest, making his already hard cock throb in anticipation. Soon those lovely handfuls would be cradling his head. He slid his firm hands down her legs until they were under her knees. With a grunt (strong or not, picking up about a hundred pounds of slippery wet flesh was not easy) he hoisted Ess up to his waist. "Hold on to my shoulders." He said quickly, and he was glad when she helped hold herself up, pressing down on his shoulders. "Shall I tell you my interpretation then?" He panted, keeping his tip rubbing her folds, but not entering her.

"Okay. But hurry." She kept trying to scoot herself onto his hardness, but he foiled all her attempts.

"I think those two went about it all wrong. You don't need to throw yourself against walls. You use each other." He looked up at her, eyes aglow with warmth and passion. "Lean into me. I'm not going to let you fall. Hold on to me, tight."

She felt his sinewy arms press into her lower back, and his hands kneaded her satiny skin. With a blissful sigh, she did as he suggested and clung to him like she was drowning, head on top of his head, arms around his neck and shoulders. He licked each of her nipples as his face burrowed into her cleavage. Then he looked up at her again.

"You shouldn't be above me, sweetheart. You should be right here." He slid her, still with a firm grip on her, down to his cock, and let her tip back slightly, putting them at a very slight V-angle. "Now we can look into each other's eyes. And I'm not beneath you. You're not above me-" he started slow, rhythmical pumping, making her soft puffs of air build to a long fevered groan, "we're partners, Babe. I'll never hurt you. And I'm not gonna put you on a pedestal either."

She thought about that with the tiny fraction of her brain not hyper-focused on sex. _That should upset me. Millions idolize me. And I'm pretty and talented. Shouldn't I want to be on a pedestal, be worshipped?_ She looked into his blue eyes that went straight through you and touched your heart. "You don't care- that I'm just- a girl acting a superhero part?" She gasped out, breathless with the sensations he created in her.

"Do you care that I'm not really hot and dark with obsessive passions?"

"No!" She yelped as he let her slide to the hilt of his erection, grinding her nub to his taut abdomen. "But you are hot- and passionate."

His chuckle was deep and throaty, like dark chocolate coating her from head to toe. "We're going to have to- do real life stuff, if we're together. And I want that." He breathed heavily, pulling her down hard enough to make her breasts jump and her hips open even wider. "House stuff, ex stuff, kid stuff- apparently hamster stuff..."

"Yes! Yes!" She agreed wholeheartedly, her pleasure adding a little extra fervor to her response. That was what she wanted. To be treated like a real person, not some star to go crazy over. He would love her, care for her, make her laugh, comfort her. But he wouldn't make her a slave to his passions or expect her to live up to her television image. "Partners?"

"Lovers?" He countered.

"Friends?" She teased, knowing that he didn't mind, that he'd have a friendly retort for her.

"All of the above." He pulled her in close, and she wrapped her hands round the wet platinum hair, kissing him until he was breathless.

"Good. Now. More pumping in and out of me and less talk." She half demanded, have pleaded.

"Amen to that." He laughed softly, and started claiming her with every muscle in his body.

* * *

_ "That's it! We've got trust. We've got love- any minute now-"_

_ "Luv- it isn't that easy. They have to make their choice. Like we did. Risk it all." _

_ "We should stop watching them and get some rest." The shadowy female took her lover's hand and sadly pulled him away. It took more spirit energy to hover in this dimension, and remaining partly flesh and partly shadow was also difficult. "It won't change anything the future holds by me going all voyeur."_

_ "Now, now, Luv. Hardly voyeurism. More like watching a home movie." A tongue snaked its way down her throat and back up to ear lobe. "Can we add that to our 'If we ever get out of this' list?"_

_ "We'll see." She teased, privately intensely turned on by the thought of being able to watch themselves making love, something they'd never managed to do in their brief earthly union. Union. That was high on their list, though they rarely talked about it. It had been in those first days? hours? moments? (curse the dimensional time weirdness) of their existence in the shadow realm. "If I ever get out of this, I'll never let go of your hand again." Buffy had wept, trying, and failing to touch him. "I'll never, ever let anything take you away from me again." _

_ "Shh, Luv. Don't worry. I know a bit about this non-physical connection stuff. I'll find a way to hold you." Spike had never stopped trying to help her, not since he'd fallen for her, not in their lives, not in their deaths. He took a deep breath (or its equivalent), remembering the ominous words of the Powers before they cast them into this plane between two realities. "Buffy. If we get out of this- and we get to go home- would you-" he paused. If she said no, he could possibly spend all eternity plagued with knowing she loved him enough to die for him but not enough to live with him. But being the absolute sodding great idiot he was, he asked her anyway. "Would you- set up shop with me?"_

_ "Summers and Spike Demon Removal?" Buffy joked to ease the tension._

_ "Summers and Spike. Full stop." His un-beating heart would have pounded through his chest if it was able to. "I know it'll be tricky, and we'll have to find a place in the shade- but I want to spend forever with you. And I'd like it- if you were my -" he swallowed "wife?"_

_ She cried because she was touched and happy and because she couldn't physically kiss him as she told him yes. But she did tell him yes. And then they almost never spoke of it again. It was too painful, the promise that might never come to fruition. But some part of her wanted to talk about it and plan for it. It gave her hope. _

_ "Do you think he has to propose to her for us to leave? Is that the risk?" She asked in a melancholy voice._

_ "Look at me, Luv." Spike had been seized by an inspiration as he watched her, felt her thinking about their possible future. He would give anything, soul included, to make her happy and guarantee their future together. But he couldn't guarantee anything- except what he _wanted_ to do. "Finally solid enough to do this." His voice was raspy as he knelt and grabbed her hand. "It's all I've got, Pet, but if we get out of this I'll buy you any one you fancy." He worked the silver band off his finger and onto hers. In reality it was scarred and didn't shine brightly, was too big and too Goth looking for his girl. But there aren't any jewelry shops in the great dimensional void. "Be my wife?"_

_ This time she could hold him, and she did, as she whispered, "Forever. Not even death will part us." He hugged her back tightly, looking skyward over her shoulder. _

Please, All Powerful and Co., don't force us to test that theory.

* * *

"Sul!"

"Daddy! I got my suitcase packed already! Except for Neddy."

She loved the little voice on the end of the phone, if only for the fact it made her lover's eyes light up. _That kid is his life._ _But he'll share him with me?_ _ Wow._ He was looking at her. "Neddy is Sul's teddy bear." He hissed.

"Are you talking to your friend? Can I talk to her again? What's her name? Can we pick out my hamster this weekend?"

"You can call her Ess. It's her nickname, just like you want to be culled Sul." With a flourish he handed her the phone, a malevolent grin on his face as she realized she was going to have to explain the "no hamster" rule, the one she'd made after a disastrous dream involving escaped hamsters getting caught in the duct work. "Hi Sul." Her voice came out a half octave too high. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Hi Sul. You know, I was thinking- wouldn't you rather have some stuffed animals? Because you can take those home with you, but the hamster would have to stay here, and you don't get to come here that often." Jim winced and she swore colorfully inside her head. _Way to make this suck, Ess..._

"I already have stuffed animals. Mommy says I have so many we're donating a bag to boys and girls who don't have as much. But a pet is different."

"I know." She made an "I'm drowning here!" face at her partner, but he remained unmoved, smiling impassively from the chair. "But hamsters are so- tiny. They can get lost." And die in your heating vent, she added mentally.

"Not if you get them a ball to run in!" The boy was starting to sound perturbed and she was nervously pacing in a tiny circle. THe thir player in this little pet-central drama heaved a sigh and took pity on them both. Turning the phone so the speaker phone could catch his voice better, he offered,

"How about a cat, Sul?"

"A cat? Okay!"

Ess mouthed "Thank you!" and clasped her hands in mock adoration.

"We'll add it to the weekend list. What else do you want to do this time?"

"McDonald's!" Sul cried.

"And we'll have to go to the pet store and get things for the cat." His father added. "Now, do you know your flight number?"

"Yes." Sul's voice gave Ess the impression that this was an often repeated question.

"And my cell phone number?"

"Yes."

"And Mommy's?"

"Yes, Dad! And not to talk to strangers, and to sit with the flight lady, and to go to the bathroom with Mommy before I get on the plane." Sul raced through the litany and Jim listened with a fatherly look of concern.

"Okay then. And when you packed your bag you remembered to put in your headphones and the emergency money from Daddy?"

"Yep, and I put the wallet in the secret zipper, just like you told me to."

"My little man is so grown up." He said with a soft smile. "Good job, kiddo."

"Honey, Peter's here!" A muffled shout prompted the boy to say, "Bye Dad! Love you! Bye Ess!"

"Bye Sul!" They chorused.

He reached out and clicked the phone off, then slowly turned to face her.

"You don't have much experience with kids do you?"

"Shows that much?" She sighed ruefully.

"It's okay." He laughed, rising and putting his arm around her. "They grow on you and you learn to handle them. You don't bring up the lack of time they spend with their dads and don't promise them hamsters."

"God, I _suck_ at this!"

"No, no." He tugged her along with him, laughing at her comical pouting expression. "You're just not used to it. What you need is some lunch. Perk you right up."

"I think it would take a bottle of prozac to 'perk me up." She whined.

"I know a guy..." He kidded and she elbowed him. "Fine then, we'll make you the choc-aholic smoothie when we get home." He felt a rush of warmth saying that phrase, "when we get home."_ As if we had a home together. Well, we kind of do. We kind of can. All we need is us. Corny, but it works._

"No, you know what that leads to." She winked.

Jim's jaw tightened imperceptibly. _Just a joke. She wasn't under the influence when she told you she loved you. She's told you a hundred times since, never with a drop of liquid encouragement._

"Sorry." Ess realized that wasn't the best possible choice of words."I keep saying things, or doing things, like it's no big deal. And I know it is a big deal, and I know how hard we tried to support each other and make sure everything went right after that scene. I'll never regret my decision."

"Neither will I." He turned and kissed her, deep and full, grateful for her love in the broad daylight, in the open, not a shameful secret such as their characters had.

_He shouldn't do that- we're in the middle of the concourse to the cafeteria! There's dozens of people here, people who aren't in the cast, who will gossip. _He did something with that hot tongue of his, tickling the inside of her cheek before tangling one hand in her hair. God, he was good at that, so much better that she could have guessed from their professional encounters. _Who the hell cares who's watching?,_ she thought in a haze, and kissed him back hungrily.

* * *

_"Look at them." _

_ "Like the only two people in the world."_

_ "Everyone's staring at them."_

_ "Wonderful, isn't it?" Spike murmured, mostly to himself._

_ "Huh?"_

_ He looked at her hard, and she could see inside his mind, the void causing some link between their spirits, communication was verbal or non, but it was painfully clear most of the time._

He thinks it's the most wonderful gift in the world. When you're not a secret. When you're not ashamed. When you are proud to be beside the person you love, openly, honestly, screw who's watching, let 'em look. Let 'em envy. You're in love.

_ "Yeah, Baby. It's wonderful." She wrapped her arms around his shadowy shoulders, and kissed his brow, leaning over him, watching their mirror world. "I wish-"_

_ He cut her off. He knew she wished it had been different. He knew it would be different this time around. If there _was_ a "this time around". "Hey, maybe we'll get a chance to make all our wishes come true. If these two could just get on a bit..."_

* * *

But love does not always run smoothly. Particularly if the catalyst that makes you realize it is a particularly horrible scene. A scene so horrible that you realize exactly how much you cherish and care for the person in front of you, when you feel you'd rather die than ever go through that again.

* * *

Their job was to act out a life that two warriors had already lived. What was fiction for them was reality for others. Lines of pain blurred through dimensions. Feelings doubled, borne twice by souls who had no knowledge of why they should feel things so intensely, that they were bearing their own conflicted emotions and two strong forces' genuine grief. Just like their other halves, they only had each other to help them make sense of it.

* * *

_ The cosmic ones watched both halves of the thin sliver that separated the two planes._

_ I told you. They're not strong enough. Even the mere memory of some childish human play-acting troubles them, him in particular._

_ It is not childish. Humans feel so much, so strongly. So they are not wise, they are passionate and creative._

_ This is not true feeling! It is acting! He hurts her, a villain appears, he kills, witches rage, and death is either averted or avoided. But all in play._

_ No. The fact that it feels so real to them means it is not merely "in play". Because of the strength of their hearts, not the weakness of them._

_ Each action the Champion and Slayer went through forced another horrific action. They will not tolerate that. This is only the beginning of how bad it could become. If I recall the order of true events, things got worse before they got better._

_ So? The Champion and Slayer did not have love to lean on. These living two may. And if they cement their love, fully choose each other in all the ways that truly matter, the ones in the void will have another chance. Maybe reborn, each action will have a positive reaction in the chain this time. _

_ You are a hopeless romantic. It is a wonder you are not banished to live with mortals._

_ I am not a romantic. I know true greatness. It is love. And the greatest love is that which forgives, which endures, and which lifts beings from the mire. They are very different, one pair so simple, one pair so complex. But they are both trapped right now. Love will free them._

* * *

Days passed. The scene, the frenetic end of season, refused to release them, even though love tried to free them.

* * *

He felt dirty, he felt monstrous. He could not forgive himself for even acting out a crime like this, a crime of desperation and misguided intention to show love. Once the show was aired, he felt he could not escape it. His face would be associated with a monster's face, no not a vampire. A pure monster. One who tries to damage love.

She could not stand to see him torture himself. She believed in him. She believed the character he portrayed was more man than monster, that he would have stopped, would have realized what was happening, even through the mist of confusion and heartache paining him. Moreover, she couldn't understand why he felt so strongly connected to the character, in a more persistent way than he ever had before.

They were unaware they actually had a deeper connection, a connection they would never see, but their other halves were anxiously keeping watch on, across the voids of time and space.

* * *

_ "Morning, Beautiful. Or whatever the bloody time of day it is."_

_ "Hey. What are our weakling halves up to?" Buffy shook her head, rising from her suspended, half wakeful state._

_ "Listen. They're really going at it. Finally see the boy has got some- oh wait. Think they're talking about us." Spike suddenly realized exactly what the conversation was about and the pleased smirk left his face. "Don't listen, Luv." He would have dragged her away, but where could you go in this grayness that only seemed to stretch as far as their immediate presence?_

_ "Shh." She pushed his half solid shoulder away as he tried to block her from gazing on their other halves_

_ "No, Luv, please." His voice and face were so serious that she paused._

_ "Is it that bad?" She whispered. "Are they breaking up?"_

_ "No." His voice just a quaver of sadness, before stepping aside. "You've every right to see. You saw it for real."_

_ She tentatively cocked her head, already knowing what they must be discussing. Only one thing could make her lover feel as terrible. She could sense the regret, sorrow, and self-loathing pooling off of him, and she half expected to look down and find them both knee deep in a swamp of inky grief. "Baby- it's okay." She took his hand, but he didn't clasp it back._

_ "No. It'll never be okay." He gazed into the nothingness. His beautiful blonde peered down at the pair at the lunch table as they talked things through, and he winced, waiting for her to finally realize her huge mistake, jumping in with an undead, would-be rapist vampire, and now seemingly shackled to him for all eternity- particularly if they couldn't get out of this damn void. _

_ "She's right, y'know." Buffy's eyes narrowed. "She _is_ way_ _weaker than me."_

_ "Well, yeah she's a total human, no special curses-slash-gifts." Spike couldn't help but chuckle, eyes still down at his boots._

_ "No. Physically strong doesn't matter right now. Weak at heart. Of course I'd forgive you! Oh my God, she's so stupid! You don't just walk away from the love your life!" She looked across at him with a petulant grin. "Or un-life."_

_ "Pet, she's right. No woman should forgive the person who tried to take her by force." Spike ruffled his hair in distraction._

_ "She's right about something else. I think you would have stopped yourself."_

_ "No, Pet, I wouldn't have. I was crazed, I was heartbroken, I didn't have a soul." Buffy lunged suddenly at him, and connecting smoothly with his chest, toppling him into the cloud-like wisps, fists gripping his shoulders, her nose to his nose._

_ " You held me an inch from death more times than I can recall and never-" she leaned her lips to his jugular, cold and still, "ever- took the bait."_

_ "That would have killed you- I didn't want to hurt you, I was trying, trying so hard to make you see!" Spike protested, gazing into those sparkling, angry eyes, that still took his breath away, though he had none left to breathe._

_ "You. Would. Have. Stopped." She bit off each word._

_ "How do you know?" He asked through gritted teeth._

_ "Because I believe in you. I _always_ believed in you. I _will _always believe in you, and nothing you did, or will do, will change my mind." She whispered heatedly. "Now hold your fangy little mouth still." With an annoyed huff, she gave him a deep kiss intended to shut him up._

_ "Thank you, Pet. I'll never let you down again."_

_ "You really need to work on your listening skills. Hold your mouth still- or you won't get to feel mine moving for a long, _long_ time."_

_ Shutting up, Luv." He replied obediently, and closed his eyes with a peaceful sigh. _She still loves me.

_ She was on top of him, and he could look up at her, worshipping her. Though she was in shades of gray here, her eyes still had their sparkle. He could see her in his mind's eye, all pink and tan, and warm against him. "You know something else? I don't care what you did, or what you do. Not in the past and not what you might do if we ever get back-"_

_ "When, Kitten, not if." He interjected, his hands moving slowly up her legs to caress her waist. She gave him a smile and he bit his lip in pleasure, letting her continue._

"_No matter what you did, I couldn't leave you or hurt you now, not when we get back, no matter what you did, or what you do." _

_ "And because I love you, I don't want to hurt anything, or anyone else ever again. Well, 'cept demons. And vamps. And other blokes who look at you wrong." She smiled, rocking herself onto him deeper, and stole a kiss. "Right, as I was saying. I genuinely don't want to hurt anything or anyone that I _shouldn't._" He cleared his throat softly. "But if I slip love- I'll find the sunrise and wait for you where I can't hurt anyone."_

_ She gasped, not in pleasure this time, but in horror. "No. Not again, you won't leave me again."_

_ "It's better than you having to take care of it, Pet. I'll never force you to make that choice."_

_ "I see. So you slip, and you go off chasing the daylight. Fair enough. Then I go find a straight razor. We're _not_ losing each other again. Life or death, I'm spending it with you."_

_ "You're beyond beautiful. You know that. And you know that I would never leave you unless I have to._

_ "You don't have to- no matter what. I'd rather go through any amount of pain and trouble by your side than lose you, Spike. Loving you and living with you is worth anything._

_ He smiled up at her, comforted by her words. "And living has all those nice advantages. No gray swirly mists."_

_ "You can wear clothes that aren't monochromatic." She pouted._

_ "We can do things in a hot tub."_

_ "Ooh, we never did get to try that. Plus the whole family and friends thing."_

_ "Don't worry, Luv. I'm gonna get us back, and we're gonna live a long time. But since we're here, and we have all this free time..."_

_ "Right. We were in the middle of something."_

_ "I _am_ in the middle of something." He jerked his hips pointedly and she gasped. "Right, let's get back to it then."_

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: This was originally a piece with much more detail regarding the "other halves" of Spike and Buffy. However, I am re-writing Behind the Scenes to be focused mainly on Spuffy. If you've already read Behind the Scenes, this is basically a shortened, more singular dimensional piece, and you don't have to read it again :). New readers- I really hope you'll give it a chance. About 90% of this is solely set in the "Spuffy" world. The first few chapters are the hardest to get into, but I encourage you to push past it and see the life Spike and Buffy create for themselves. If that "parallel universe" premise is not to your liking, I understand, and hope you'll check out some of the other pieces that I've been working on._

_Author's Second Note: The non-magic realm is written in plain text, the "cosmic realm", Buffy and Spike's shadow realm, and the world of Sunnydale are written in italics._

_Dedicated to all the numerous fans and supporters of Behind the Scenes and Deleted Scenes, and in particular, the fabulously insightful Ginar369, the dedicated RmsThakoer, and the encouraging Rororogers, Omslagspapper, and Jewel74._

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine.**_

**Part III**

Love is wonderful, the rush of finding the kindred spirit can make you forget anything exists outside of the love you share and the love you make. But real life pulls you back.

Decisions had to be made. The man had a son to consider, a lover in another city, the woman had a man she should love, but who had slowly been feeling stifled by, pressured by. A man who was jealous of her success and her close relationships with others. A man who'd slowly been moving farther away from her, yet wouldn't relinquish his hold.

She didn't want her love to fight for her, despite the disrespect and insults her now ex-boyfriend hurled. He didn't want to put his child at risk, or disrespect the vows he'd made to another. Both considering his son, and their tenuous new relationship.

* * *

The mortal versions of Slayer and Vampire were crashed in a heap with two of their co-stars. "Sore?" Ess panted.

"Yeah, man." The brunette actor agreed.

"Jimmy?"

"Yeah?" He tipped his head backwards to see the black clad female almost directly behind him. He gave his lover a tired grin as his head bumped her shoulder.

"Does your hair itch after using the dye?"

"No, it burns. Mine's peroxide, and yours isn't."

"I have eyeliner veins all over my cheeks. And they won't come off."

"Hon?" The man in a torn plaid shirt rolled his head to the former redhead, lightly bumping foreheads.

"What?"

"You haven't showered yet, doofus! It'll come off when you shower!" He yelled.

"But so will the dye! It's the cheap wash out kind." She sounded slightly hysterical.

"No, it won't." The peroxide blonde, an expert in hair dye, patiently explained, although plainly exasperated. "You've had a long, tiring day. You aren't thinking clearly. Go shower, scrub off your evil witch face and then get some rest."

"Essie? You want to come hang with us?" Willow's other half offered hesitantly.

"Not tonight guys. I have to call Matt."

"Something up?"

"Yeah, actually." She heaved a sigh. "But I don't want to discuss it right now. Maybe tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Her two long time friends exchanged a glance. Jimmy rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably as the perky blonde, now less perky, trotted off.

"Ji-iim?" The remaining stars prodded.

"Not my place to explain." He shrugged.

"Fair enough." One interjected.

"It's Matt, isn't it? He should've come home a couple days ago to be here for her. Jerk. Asshole!" The man in plaid kicked a fake tree viciously. He would have died if anyone ever asked his wife or girlfriend to act that out, fake or not. And under his slightly obnoxious, goofball attitude was a man who wanted to rip out Matt's throat, for not talking her out of it, or barring that, not being there immediately following to help her pick up the pieces.

"Couldn't agree with you more, man." Jim gave him a sour, caustic grin and waved good night as he headed towards his dressing room.

* * *

Ess galloped into fresh clothes. Thai for dinner via delivery, and a hot shower, and Jim. Oh yes, LOTS of Jim. She grabbed her bag and cell phone and ran out to find her partner. Shoving the phone in her bag, she glance at it. Three missed calls. _Please not Matt- _and with her typical knack of jinxing herself- all three missed calls were from him.

"Ess? Call me back."

"Ess? It's Matt. Call me back."

"Can't you call me back? Dammit, I'm the one who should ignore your sorry ass for the rest of my life! What kind of slut would do what you did and keep going back for more? Call me back, bitch!"

"And that's enough of that." Jim was suddenly beside her. She was frozen in the entranceway to the dressing room hallway, like a blonde statue, but with tears welling up in her eyes. He took her arm and led her out to the car. He hadn't heard much, but the timbre and cadence of the angry male voice led him to guess it was Matt.

"Buckle." Jim put the car in gear and waited for Ess to buckle her seatbelt. She stared at him blankly, as if watching him from underwater, no idea what he was saying.

"What?" She finally managed.

"Ess, put your seatbelt on." She still stared at him, uncomprehending. He hesitantly reached across her chest and grabbed the shoulder strap. She blinked stupidly and then realized what he was doing. "Oh. Yeah. Sorry." She buckled in and Jim drove off the lot. "Matt called. Said a bunch of stuff."

"I'm so sorry, Sweetie. I'd be happy to say whatever needs to be said to him, so he doesn't hurt you anymore."

"No. I can do it. But that was really sweet."

"I believe if you find something you love, you give it all you got and protect it with everything you have." He kissed her fingertips. "Given what you see me do, and with Liz-"

"Shut up." She said bluntly. Tears overflowed suddenly. "I love you! And I used to love him. I mean I thought I did! We were in the same field, and we were close in age. We were gonna be a power couple, like Tom and Nicole. We had the house and the vacations in the right places, and offers coming in."

_What do I say, what do I say? Glad I selfishly ruined your life, because I want you more than he wanted you? Sorry I'm an older man with a child and little two bedroom in the city as opposed to a nice starter mansion in the hills? Or just, I love you?_ So he squeezed her hand instead, and said nothing.

"I'm sorry. I'm so confused."

"It's okay. You say the word and- and I'm gone." Jim lied through his teeth. He couldn't leave her now, she'd stolen his heart. He could move to another city, but he'd always think of her, always _be_ hers.

"No! I do _not _want that! Not at all. I _love _you. I just can't believe everything else with Matt went so wrong so fast."

Jim paused for a moment. Treading on dangerous ground here, he warned himself, but like an idiot, he kept talking. "Was it really so fast?"

She glared at him for a moment. No. It had been about 5 months of tension. First he objected to the dark subtext- not the fact that she would be playing an emotionally wrecked woman turning to deception and darkness for comfort- but the fact that she would engage in some heavily sexualized scenes, the near nudity bothered him. And yet he hadn't wanted her to quit. He liked being "Buffy's" boyfriend, the man who actually got to claim her in reality.

And then he'd gone on location. He was working hard, but he let her fall to second place. When she said she needed him to be there to help her deal with the difficult scenes, he was sympathetic, but not present. See you on the weekends, if neither one of us is filming. Actresses do this stuff, was his attitude. You're getting paid. Don't like it? Quit or get more money. The fact that the relationship would be over unless she was in the biz was obvious to her. She liked acting though, she didn't want to do anything else. Matt knew that, and he used it to make light of how she'd been feeling lately.

She'd been silent for several minutes, and Jim' muscles were practically popping out of his arms and shoulders through his tight blue tee shirt, the effort of suppressing his questions combined with the fear that any moment he'd be told it was over. Just a fling. Too complicated for real life, but fine for a week when your boyfriend's away. Same time next year?

"You are really frustratingly insightful." She choked out, sniffling, before giving into a full scale sob. He jerked the car over to the side of the road, ignoring the screech of tires behind him and the cacophonous mixture of horns and brakes. In a second he had unstrapped himself, and reached across, unbuckled her as well, and yanked her into his arms, not caring for the cramped conditions or the fact that she was scuffing up the car's interior with her shoes on the door and seats.

"Shhh, shh, love. It'll be okay. I don't know how, but it'll be okay." He murmured, his lips against her hair, rocking her softly.

"I do love you." She wept into his chest.

"I know. I love you, too."

"Thank you for not arguing with me or adding on any buts." She managed a watery smile, which he returned.

"Let's get you home." He sighed, rubbing her back.

"Your place." She reminded him. "I packed a bag and everything."

"I thought you might want familiar surroundings." He offered.

"You'll be with me. Familiar enough. I'll call him as soon as we get home. I'm glad you're going to be there." She swiped her eyes and nose with the back of her wrist, and was grateful when Jim reached into the glove compartment and pulled out a stack of napkins. "You're always so prepared."

"You have a little boy, even just on weekends, and you learn to keep cleaning supplies near at all times."

"Yeah? What else do you learn?" Ess removed herself from his chest, but kept her hand on his thigh.

"Oh, boring stuff." He smiled. "No one wants me to start going all 'proud papa' on you."

"But I wanna know stuff. I want- Sul to like me." So you won't have any reason to change your mind about us, she added in her head.

The bleached blonde mentally cheered, and slowly pulled the car out into traffic. "Let's see. Band-aids with cartoon characters are a must. Keep a couple in the car and a box in the house."

"Why cartoon characters?" She giggled.

"Cause it makes it cool to wear a band-aid, duh." He teased.

"What else?"

"Ketchup. Little kids like ketchup and ranch dressing."

"Together?" Buffy's actress made a gagging face.

"No." He rolled his eyes. "Ketchup on chicken tenders-or any other meat or starch you're trying to make them eat. Ranch dressing for all veggies. Fruits are not an issue."

"Should I be taking notes?"

"No. Cause this is Sully we're talking about. For all I know every other kid on the planet likes mustard and Italian."

"Then I _should _be taking notes, 'cause he's the only one I'm worrying about." Ess twisted a strand of hair around her finger.

"He's the most easy going kid, Hon. No worries." Jim looked at her from the corner of his eye, weaving back into the busy city streets. "You- uh- you really care about this, huh?"

"Yes, idiot. What gave it away, my frantic attempts to buy your kid over with a hamster or the sudden interest in the purposes of condiments?" Ess rolled her eyes and squeezed his thigh hard, a little higher up than was merely friendly.

"Asking probing questions about band-aids is a sure sign." He winced, trying to fight down the rise the mere touch of her fingers was causing. "Essie, the fact that you care about my son means everything to me." Jim swallowed softly. "You know, you don't have to try and be involved with taking care of him or anything. Just if you care- that'll be enough."

"Don't you want me to be involved?" She asked hoarsely.

"You're in your twenties. It's up to you. D'you want to be saddled with that?"

"Are you the horse the saddle comes on?" She asked, trying, and failing, to sound coy.

"I'd prefer stallion." Jim snorted, trying, and failing, to stifle the laugh. "Yes, it's a two-for-one kind of deal."

"Oooh, you do good two-for-one specials." Ess teased, remembering an earlier conversations about orgasms. "Sorry, probably not appropriate in the midst of the big important conversation."

Jim turned hard into his building parking garage. "Sul's not actually here. Not inappropriate in the least." He felt his jeans become uncomfortably tight for the second time in a few minutes.

Her voice was suddenly much more serious and soft. "I really, really like you Jim. If you'll let me- I want to be part of the package."

"Okay. You're in." He smiled easily, his face breaking into a relaxed beam they'd one day term the "Ess and Sully combo" expression that made her heart lift.

"Just like that?"

"Yeah. Just like that. Despite the broody and psychotic character I play on television, I'm actually a pretty laid back guy." He paused. "Actually, no. Not when it comes to Sully." He explained further, "You've earned my trust and my love, enough that I'd let you spend time with him. But if anyone ever hurt him- or hurt you for that matter- I'd make Spike look like a choirboy."

She watched in awe, as the relaxed smile disappeared and the jaw turned to stone, and the eyes to steel, and then, just as easily returned to relaxed when he looked at her. _Damn. Hot, sexy, sweet, caring, and a little bit lethally protective. Yum._

* * *

_ "Slayer! Look at him. It_ is _me!" Spike sounded relieved as he pulled Buffy's head over the edge of their nest to look at the couple sitting in the car. When threatened, Spike's other half proved he was more than the easy going, talented man he seemed. Spike wanted to be seen as more man than monster- but a little monster is needed to keep your woman safe from the real evils of the world. When she'd been in danger, when her ex had hurt her heart, he'd been able to both comfort, and defend._

_ Spike was jubilant. "It's really me!"_

_ "Thought you never had any doubt about that?" Buffy laughed, but he ignored her, eyes riveted to their other halves._

_ "Look at him." Spike let out a deep breath._

_ "Mmmhmm. Snarl. Hard jaw. Hard eyes. Hard something else. Oh yeah, that's you." She grinned at him, and suddenly rolled back in to their nest, pulling him with her, biting his lip savagely._

_ "Hey! Bloody lunatic woman." He reared back, scowling at her, wiping his punctured feeling lips. Her hand reached down and latched between his thighs. "Oooh." His eyes widened suddenly._

_ "Yup. Snarls and then hardens. That's you alright."_

* * *

All they wanted was a shot at a normal life, being in love, choosing what the world might call wrong, but what finally felt _right_, if that was the only option. Without knowing it, they echoed the sentiments of their unseen other halves exactly.

It was the only option, for them. Old ones had to go, new ones had to stay. A choice was made. A choice their other halves were desperately hoping they would be strong enough to make.

The confrontation came. A battlefield not in grave yards or crypts, but in living rooms and over long distance phone calls. But only one man would remain standing, one woman making a choice between love and what some might think of as duty. Buffy's other half, like Buffy herself, had finally learned to choose love.

* * *

He answered on the third ring. Ess waited for a verbal explosion that didn't come. "Hi Ess." His voice was cold, calm.

"Matt." She kept herself composed. "You called today?"

"Three damn times." His voice now holding an edge of impatience. "Okay, I was mad earlier, after you told me. I shouldn't have said what I said."

"No. You shouldn't have."

"I know that doesn't make it all better-"

"No, it doesn't." Ess said, her throat tightening.

"But you made the mistake. I just lost my temper over it. I'm sorry I had to say what I said."

"What kind of apology is that? It's like you're apologizing for my bad behavior." Ess spat, punching the edge of Jim' bed.

"One of us should." Matt replied cooly. "But I'll forgive you for the one night fling, if you get the writers to kill him off in the show and you never see him again."

"Forgive me? Forgive me for turning to someone -in your absence- for comfort after an attempted rape scene?"

"The key word is _scene_. All faked, no one got hurt. Oh, and your choice of comforters? Pretty fucked up. 'Oh Matt, I feel so violated by Jim pretending to force himself on me, I had to go screw his brains out to feel better about _him_ attempting to screw _my_ brains out.'" Matt said in an unattractive falsetto.

"Stoppit! It wasn't like that!" She shouted. "How dare you-"

"How dare I what? Point out some unpleasant truths? You might be blind, but I'm not."

"I don't want to fight with you." Ess said after a moment of silence, trying to compose herself.

"I don't either. We've all made mistakes. One night stands, even weekends. But we have a good thing going."

"No. We used to. We don't have anything going anymore." Ess let the words he had just uttered sink into her head. "Did you say- weekends? Did you- when we were-"

"Wouldn't you like to know." He taunted. She felt anger and sadness course through her in waves, until she was shaking, gripping the phone so hard she felt the plastic cover might crack.

"I want you to come and get your things. This weekend. Send one of your gophers, send a moving crew, I don't even care. Get your stuff out of our house. You don't live there anymore."

"You can't seriously expect me to just get out of the house? All my paperwork comes there. All my clothes are there."

" One of the crew lackeys, or one of your publicists or agents or whoever, can take care of the paperwork. As for everything else- rent a storage unit! You have more money than I even wanna think about right now. Rent an apartment, rent a penthouse- rent a freaking mansion, just get your stuff out by Sunday night or I'll send it all to the hotel you're staying at, care of the production company, C.O.D." She threatened.

"My name's not on the mortgage, but I can still sue your little ass off, Ess- if there's any left after he got done humping you across the stage floor."

"Oh, whatever." Ess stormed out of the bedroom, eyes flashing, finding Jim, her ace in the hole, her extra dose of strength. "Are you coming to get it, or do I send it?"

"I'll be there. With a lawyer." Matt said menacingly.

"And sue for what, exactly?"

Jim got off the barstool and came towards her, a frown across his sharp features.

"I'll find something." Matt threatened.

"Bring whatever you want." Ess snapped back bitterly, crossing the room into her lover's arms. "Just understand- it's over. This isn't a spat, or a trial separation, this is a break up. No more us."

"You're leaving me for that guy? As soon as his abs go and he stops bleaching his hair, he's doomed to being a sci-fi legend. He'll never get another acting job, unless it involves fangs and pseudo-porn."

"That is so not true." Attack me all you want, but you keep him out of it, Ess's protective instinct surged within her. "But you know what? Unlike you, I don't have have to have someone in the business to be happy. I actually love the person, not the job." She prepared to hang up. "You were a good man once, Matt, and I don't know what happened to you."

"Look...wait-" Matt did genuinely care for her, or at least he had once.

"No, all done waiting." Ess looked into Jim's eyes. "No more waiting. Goodbye, Matt." The phone beeped softly as she ended the call.

Spike's double paused beside her. He didn't know exactly what to say, as had so often been the case lately. "Are you okay?" What an utterly useless expression that was. How inadequate.

"Um. No." Her face slowly crumpled.

"Oh no, Love. He's not worth crying over. He's a bastard." Wrong track apparently, as green eyes began to leak salty tracks down her beautiful cheekbones. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. This is new territory for me." He pulled her up in his arms, and then down into his lap as they collapsed on the couch. "It'll be okay. I've got you."

"I've got you, too." She burrowed her head into his shoulder. " And if he tries anything, I'll kick his ass."

"That's my girl." he smiled as his head rested on top of hers. "Love you."

"Ditto."

* * *

_ " 'S alright now. You can look, Luv."_

_ "Did she do it?" Buffy's hands covered her ears and her eyes were squeezed shut._

_ "Yes, kicked that ponce out on his ear!" Spike jabbed the air in a silent cheer. "Served him right, sodding great-" he paused, trying to find just the right term for a man who would cast off Buffy, even if it was her far less tantalizing other dimensional self. Failing to find a suitable one in English he made some sort of feral growling squeak. His mate looked at him in a mixture of surprise and confusion. "Sorry. Couldn't think of the right term in English. Closest I could get was an obscure demonic slang reference."_

_ "Which would translate to...?" Buffy waited expectantly._

_ "Someone who would eat his mother's kidneys -" Spike paused. "The rest gets offensive. Shouldn't have said it out loud."_

_ "That was considered _in_offensive? Dang."_

_ "This is bloody addictive, watching us." Spike stretched a hand out to reach for their doubles, but he was no closer to his other half than when he began, feeling like he was face to face with them, yet incredibly far away. He gazed at the sight of their other halves intertwined on the sofa. "Incredibly addicting."_

_ "Better than _Passions_?" Buffy teased, knowing her swain's guilty pleasure was the daytime soap._

_ "Oh, now there's a thought! If we're real in another dimension, and our other halves are actors who are coincidentally acting out our lives- do you think that the cast of _Passions_ is -"_

_ "No. Absolutely not. And I don't want you to think about it either. The last thing I need is for you to try to burst through into the All-_Passions_ dimension." Buffy groaned._

_ "What? And leave you? Not happening, Sweetlet."_

_ Buffy paused, a soft smile playing on her lips. "Spike?"_

_ "Yes, Pet?"_

_ "They've been acting out our life pretty accurately so far. What do you think will happen- to us- when the- end of the show happens? Or how will they even be able to finish? If we're here, and no time has passed, how will they know how to end it?" _

_ " I don't know how this writer bloke knows about us. Is it some kind of dimensional joke, give other people's life stories to total strangers? I can't reckon it. I _do_ know that if they keep acting to form, the show'd go on forever. They'd show us trapped in a void, watching ourselves, and start acting out chunks of our lives again. They'd need 'em to play dual roles for one thing. It'd be hell on the ratings. And a boring, bloody difficult circular thing to watch."_

_ "Oh. Headache-y." Buffy pondered what would happen. "This is going to be one of those wait and see things. I HATE that."_

_ "Nah." Spike lied easily. In truth, he had no idea how inter-dimensional parallels worked. "They'll pick a good ending, some great point of our history. Probably the one where I die heroically and you jump in after me, only as the star, the actual hero, you'll survive and go on to better things after saving the world. Then they'll all get called to do reunions on late night talk shows where they'll promote their new projects."_

_ "But what about us? Both versions of us?"_

_ "We go back to our crumbling post-Hellmouth world, and make a bit of normal life for ourselves. And they lead an _actually_ normal life, without us hovering over them."_

_ "You think it's simple as that?" She challenged._

_ "Oi. Gambler, liar, and post-evil vampire with 100 plus years experience. I'm lying through my teeth, Slayer. But still. Why shouldn't it be that easy? We already did the hard part, the whole ruddy savin' the world bit."_

_ "You're so full of it." Buffy finally gave in and laughed._

_ "I know, Luv. I don't think our lives are dependent on the show. Just the other half of us. I don't know how it all works. Just trying to offer you some hope."_

_ "I thought we'd never see each other again, and now we get to be together forever. I'm just full up with hope." She kissed his lips gently. "Okay?"_

_ "Mm. That's my girl." He replied, kissing her back._

* * *

The next morning...

Ess leaned against him as they left his apartment. "What should we do tonight?"

"Oh, there are a hundred fun things I can think of. But I have to call Liz, I guess." Jim' voice was suddenly tight.

"Damn." He gave her an apologetic glance. "Oh no, not about the phone call. I just remembered I gave Matt an ultimatum about getting his stuff out by Sunday night. And I'd better be there to stop him from taking my stuff. And we have to divide up the stuff we bought together! Damn."

"We'll go over as soon a we're done filming." Jim soothed. "You call your housekeeper and ask her to get a lot of boxes from the store today, and then as soon as we get home we'll start packing up whatever goes."

"You're too good to me." Ess whispered softly.

"Wouldn't you do the same for me if Liz were on her way here this weekend?' Jim shrugged.

"Yeah." She admitted. A half-formed idea was playing in her mind as she thought about how they were so quickly, not easily, but quickly, merging their lives. How right it all felt. "Jim? You aren't going home to New York this summer, right?"

"No. Sully's coming here. There's nothing for me to go back for. I only have a few odds and ends left with Liz. The only things I really want back are some books and baby pictures of Sully." He jerked the car into a space in the studio lot and tilted his head to hers. "What are you thinking of?"

"What? Nothing! Not thinking of anything." She protested.

"Please, honey, don't make me quote the Bard. You just put the protesting in overdrive."

"It's just that- we already found you a sub-letter for your flat. Remember? Henry from the sound crew? His brother is coming in from college and they're renting it together?"

"Oh, yeah, I need to talk to him today."

"Unless you want to stay with me. I mean- it's only three weeks to the break. What's Henry going to tell his brother? Finding an affordable apartment in this town is next to impossible." Ess rambled rapidly._ If he says no, this won't work, it's too soon, he's not that into me. If he says yes it's because I'm pressuring him and he feels like he can't reject me._ "No, no I take it back! Too needy. So sorry, I've been so- ugh, I don't know!"

"Sweetie, I didn't say anything!" Jim tried to stem the flow of her words. "I think it'd be really nice to share your place for the summer- if you want me to. And if you're sure you're comfortable."

"What about your son?" The actress got out of the car and they automatically rejoined in front of the car, holding hands again, like they were magnetically attracted.

"He comes first- especially in this case. He's had a rough time of it since the divorce, and I try to make our time together as fun and stress-free as possible, not that it's easy. Flying clear across the country puts a wrench in that for a start. So I'll ask him this weekend, and knowing Sully, he'll take one look at your house, and ask why we can't live there all the time."

Ess's breath caught. In the back of her mind, she would have loved to jump in then and tell him to go ahead, move everything in, stay for the summer, fall, winter, and keep on going. But people don't do that. You've only been together a few days, her pragmatic side warned. _Few days as lovers, but I've loved him longer than that, and we've been good friends for years._ It would be like living with a roommate, I could do it. The house is so big, too big for one person, we wouldn't even have to share a bathroom or anything, her impetuous voice warred.

"You're far away, my darling." He murmured as they walked down the hallway to their dressing rooms. "You can tell me, you know."

"I know. I do, really." She squeezed his hand. "We have all night to talk about it. And hey, we can talk about this big serious thought I have, while packing up Matt's junk. Do we know how to party or what?"

"Baby, this is life. 'Shit happens' and all that. I don't want something picture perfect, if it means it isn't real. I'd rather have a real life with you than a carefully scripted one where everything's an act."

"You say the most perfect things." She kissed him hard, and they rubbed foreheads together for a moment. "See you for lunch?"

"Ha! Boss-man give us lunch on a short filming day? We'll see each other as we dash from various parts of the stage to the other. I'll meet you down here at the end though." He hugged her lingeringly, knowing he probably wouldn't get to talk to her much for the rest of the day. She returned it, and hurried away, phone up to her ear, calling her housekeeper. "Hey! Sweetie, ask her to pick up something for dinner as well as boxes? I'll cook."

"Okay! But I'll do the cooking. I'm not actually like Buffy, I can cook just fine."

* * *

_"What does she mean, not actually like me? I can cook!" _

_ "You make a mean cup of A positive in the micro, Luv." Spike rubbed her back, looking contentedly at their other halves setting off for the day ahead._

_ "Well, it isn't like I can practice now! I'll practice when we get home. I'll even learn to make you that flowery onion thing."_

_ "Oi. You cook whatever you like,_ if _you like. I'll be happy to learn with you, cook you whatever you fancy." Spike said firmly. "You're not to go comparing yourself to that version of you, unless it's complimentary."_

_ "I'm not comparing, just thinking." She rebutted._

_ "Good. No one beats up on my Slayer."_

_ "Except you." She smiled._

_ "Excep- hey! That's not beating up. It's keeping you sharp, ready to kill the big bads."_

_ "Except you." She repeated, gray grin broadening._

_ Spike huffed and pretended not to hear. "I hate when they aren't near each other." They had noticed they could only see their other halves as a whole. When they separated, it was like someone switching off their cosmic television. They could get dimmer images of them when they were in the same general area, but the greatest clarity when they were touching. The picture was almost violently clear when they were intimate, but that was something they were not entirely comfortable with watching. Part of it felt like an intrusion, part of it felt like a dirty pleasure, but mostly it was because they might never get to make love themselves, wholly solid, tangled in each other's warm flesh._

_ "Look! All of them are getting together. I wish we could hear the other people better."_

_ "Hey! It's Bit! I mean her other half." Spike gazed fondly down on Dawn's double._

_ "And Anya. And Xander, Willow, and Giles." Buffy suddenly gave a vicious kick at their cloudy prison/safe haven. "I want to hug them! God, Spike, Dawn is right there! I wanna hug my sister! I want to talk to them!" _

_ "Why are they all just standing there?" Spike rasped. It was harder to look at the images of their loved ones, all standing there together, just a dimension away. When they were acting, at least the groups were fragmented, and the action was captivating. This was just bloody torture, looking at everyone you love- or tolerate better than anyone else- and not being able to get to them._

_ "It's the press. They're taking photos." Buffy's voice was choked with tears. "This is hell. This is some mind game."_

_ "Buffy..." Spike said warningly. _

_ "Why? Why can we see them and not hold them? We love them, we died for them!" She was sobbing now._

_ Spike's personal inclination was to say because the Powers were a bunch of wankers who enjoyed the misery of the Slayer more than any other type of misery. But his rational side sought another explanation. This wasn't heaven, but it sure wasn't hell. Hell was losing your loved ones permanently, with no hope of seeing them ever again. "I know it's hard. I think it's just to give us hope." She glared at him, and he improvised. "Yeah, see, this way we keep our spirits up, no pun intended. We stay hungry for home, we keep fightin' the good fight, 'cause we've gotta get back I mean, if we don't, Dawn's gonna be raised by Red and Xander."_

_ "Not helping." She growled, punching the dimensional rift again._

_ "If this was hell, we'd be ripped away from each other, Luv. This is one last test, one last bitter pill before we get to the sweetness. When we get home- I get to make love to you for real. For the first time ever." His eyes, still a study in charcoal instead of their bright blue, had some momentary sparkle. "A whole lifetime of firsts, Buffy. We just gotta be strong, Pet."_

_ "Strong. You're my strength." She curled up in his arms, trying to check her sobs._

_ "You're mine." He kissed her brow. _

_ They purposely didn't look at the reflections of the family left behind, although he heard himself saying, to his own grudging disbelief, "I wish like billy-o I could get Xander his eye back."_

_ "I know. Why do these versions get to survive? Tara's not really dead here, Dawn isn't eternal energy in human form, Anya isn't an ex-demon being hunted by her old boss. Xander has both eyes, and Willow isn't turning evil, she's just dying her hair black. It isn't fair!"_

_ "I don't think there's a Hellmouth in this dimension." Spike said as it suddenly dawned on him. "There isn't any actual evil here! Well, just the kind humans make themselves. So they just know the myths from dimensions like ours and act them out."_

_ "So why do they get to live here? Without the demons and monsters and vampires and w-" Buffy stopped talking. "Oh. _Oh_." Her eyes widened in realization._

_ "I wouldn't have been there, Luv. Not the me you love. Never would have existed." Spike flicked imaginary lint off his sleeve. "But then you'd have found a nice living bloke, set up house, had a few tykes-" _

_ "I'd never have had a purpose. I'd never have met the love of my eternal life! Xander wouldn't have met Anya, and learned to love her for who she is, not what she was. And I wouldn't have learned that lesson either."_

_ "Thanks." Spike spoke softly, more moved than he could even express. She would choose the mouth of hell rather than lead a safe, normal life, because she would get to have him. Her reward for fighting a myriad of evil and getting killed twice, thrice if you counted this time- was just him. "Thank you, Precious. I'll do all I can to make sure you never regret thinking that."_

_ "You're welcome." Buffy looked up at him. "Don't go getting a big ego on me now."_

_ "Moi?" He smirked, rising to her bait._

_ "Sorry. Correction. Don't go getting a _bigger _ego on me. I don't want you going down to Willy's and being all 'My girl gave up eternal normalcy cause I'm the vampire stud to end all studs'."_

_ " Okay, A. Willy's place is sucked into hell with the rest of the miserable little burg. B. I am beyond gratified, I- I'm humbled, Buffy. That you would choose me over a normal life. I know you didn't actually get to make the choice, you're just getting to look through the adverts as it were, but-"_

_ "But if I were allowed to choose, you versus the easy life, you know I'd choose you. I mean, I chose death with you over living without you. That says something, right?"_

_ "Says you love me. I love you, too." He reminded her hoarsely._

* * *

"So- what was the big news that couldn't be told last night?" The man who played the role of Xander asked Ess, with his usual "speak first, think second" attitude. The raven haired girl with her spider-vein makeup smacked him smartly on the arm.

"Oh. Wait." Ess looked around. "The reporter guys are gone. I can't believe they did a photo shoot today. We're so busy and they schedule a photo shoot?"

Shouts came from the nearby police set, and Ess paused to make sure they weren't overheard. "This is not to be spread around," she warned, fixing them with a cool stare. They nodded.

"It's over with Matt. He hasn't supported me when I needed him, and I couldn't take it anymore." She crossed her arms defensively.

"Wow. I'm so sorry." Her girlfriend hugged her as her other best friend shook his head sadly and put an arm around both of them.

"He used to be so great with you." He muttered. "Jerk. Oh, sorry, not my place, just after the whole- thing- earlier this week-"

"Oh no, believe me, that was the last straw. But I really don't want to talk about it right now, it still hurts too much." She was relieved her good friends were taking it this way. She had expected the need for a lot more explanation.

"So, you and J-" Xander's double was on the end of a glare coming from the other actress, who still had her big scary black pupil contacts in, so he was promptly silenced.

"Me and Ja?" Ess queried, scrunching her brows. She knew what he wanted to ask, but she wouldn't give it a way so easily. "Ja what? Or are you speaking Swedish now?"

"You and Jim are okay, after that scene?" He improvised, pleased with himself, because it was a genuine concern that he had wanted to check up on, as well as being believable in the conversation they were having.

"Oh." The female star was surprised. "Oh, yeah, we're fine. Pfft, what's a little-" She stopped trying to joke. There was nothing funny about the "bathroom scene" as they'd had started to call it, the other word too painful to use. Her expression sobered. "We're not actually_ fine_. More like coping."

"You seem to be together a lot." Her girlfriend inserted cautiously. "Your own little support group?"

"Totally there for each other." She said with a dreamy smile. Her stage mates exchanged a knowing look.

"Let's get moving!" A loud shout from the director jarred the conversational mood, and the three of them went back to rehearsing before they were cued.

* * *

"I am starving!" Ess gave one final fake kick at that week's villains, and collapsed into a prop chair.

"Me, too! Lunch was like, forever ago."

"You got lunch? I got a bag of sunflower seeds that I swallowed in two gulps." She glared at the production staff and then at the clock up over the back of the sound booth. "It's 3:30. Are we done?"

"Yeah, we're done for the day. And off tomorrow. We're almost there folks! Two more weeks!"

Jim, shirtless and gory, waved to Ess from the hallway as he headed to his dressing room. She bounded over to him and hugged him, smearing charcoal and fake blood all over her yellow blouse. "Hey, missed me?"

"Just wanted a hug. And something to eat."

"If you like your meat well done, you can go on and have a bite." He jokingly offered her his fake singed arm.

"No, but I did tell Anita, my housekeeper, to stock the shelves with healthy yet manly food." She started picking off the heavy make up on his skin.

"Very thoughtful. I'm starving. Protein bars are great, but not actually the breakfast of champions."

"I'll make steaks." His girlfriend offered. "If Anita got some."

"Sounds good. I'm going to go scrub off and I'll meet you at your room?"

"Yep, see you soon." The petite actress trotted off to her room, relaxing for the first time in several days. They were getting a day off! They would get to sit down and- oh crap. They would get to pack up Matt's stuff and prepare to argue over who got the furniture that they had bought together.

Jim hurriedly dressed and threw some of his spare clothes he kept at the studio in a plastic laundry bag stolen from make up. He could murder a steak about now. He hoped Ess wouldn't mind an early dinner. And a very long evening of dessert... Catching sight of himself in the mirror he winced and revoked the lascivious smile on his face. Too much like he was on the hunt and prowling after her. His lips were curling in that predatory way, a way he had contrived to show Spike's killer instincts. He'd always known Spike would hunt Buffy, that was the way he played all his early scenes, with raw sexual desire mixed with violence expressing itself on his face. He knew his face would always be Spike's face-there wasn't a way to change that without surgery. He certainly felt like he could pursue her and lovingly ravish her. But he refused to show that side to Ess. Jim was not a hunter, he was a protector. Big difference.

She arrived at his door before he could finish dressing. He expected to open the door to her smiling face and instead was greeted by his petite blonde lover shaking her cell phone in a rage.

"The stupid asswipe is bringing a moving crew down at 9 am in the morning!" Ess kicked the door, and he bit back a smile.

"Oww!" She clutched one sandaled foot. "Damn, damn, DAMN! I forgot I took my boots off."

"Come on, somebody needs a nice, stiff drink and a big, thick steak. Cool your bloodlust." Her best friend turned lover said in a slightly sarcastic, placating tone.

"The only thing that'd cool my bloodlust about now is a nice, big, stiff, thick cock. Isn't it funny how sexual adjectives also go really well with meat and intoxicating beverages?" Buffy's mirror image leaned on him and they shuffled to the door, favoring her injured foot. Jim was quiet. "What? I'm sorry. Was that too aggressive and Buffy-like?"

"Oh, baby. It was prefect, if you don't think that the looks it'll earn you are too aggressive and Spike-like." He countered, wishing, for the millionth time, that he could just forget the last scene they had filmed together.

"Why don't you show me?" She whispered seductively.

"Babe, you sure you aren't just- frustrated? Would that actually be something you wanted?" Jim murmured, lips nipping her ear as they waved goodbye to the front door security staff.

She contemplated before their characters acted out troubled her, troubled them both, even before the "bathroom scene". Dark and dangerous pieces of love and sex had wormed their way into their minds, and the dark and the danger- that wasn't a turn on, not for her at least. "Are we talking about actually hitting each other and leaving bruises and being rough-"

"No!" He froze and jerked to a halt so quickly that her wrist popped. "_No_. Not that."

"Then we're talking about you and I-" She looked up into his blue eyes with her green ones, melting him. "Wanting each other so much we lose control?"

"Not all control, Sweetheart." He breathed, lips reaching for hers.

"Enough to make us feel deliciously naughty?"

"My naughty angel." He repeated words from that morning's love making with more confidence. Realizing that they were in danger of starting to make out in the middle of the studio parking lot, they quickly scooted into his car.

"Home. Drive. Fast." She panted.

"Home. Driving. Faster." He rejoined.

* * *

She crashed through the front door, tugging her partner with her. "Anita's car is gone and the lawn has already been mowed. We're on our own."

"Sweetie, slow down, we have all night!" The pale man laughed.

"Packing. Furniture arguments. Big thoughts to share." She pouted.

"Right. First things first." He dropped the bag of clothes, kicked the door shut, and scooped her up in bridal carry.

"Oooh, my hero!" She cooed teasingly, pecking his lips as they laughed. They made it to the first landing of the stairs before she noticed he was puffing. "You can put me down, now." She giggled.

"I can do this." He argued defensively.

"I know you can." She reassured. They exchanged a grin, before he admitted defeat and put her down.

"Okay. So I don't have super strength."

"Let's test your super speed, then." She tore up the stairs, clothes flinging off as she went, him, and his clothes a split second behind her.

He caught her easily, at the edge of the bedroom, wrapping her in his arms from behind and tackling her softly to the bed. He nibbled her silken shoulders, down the curve of her back and her cheeks, down to the hot little haven waiting for him, nipping and nibbling her.

"Harder." She gasped in pleasure.

"Not yet." He whispered.

"Not yet?" She whimpered.

"If you say please." He teased.

She twisted from his grasp, squirming on top of him, holding her hot mouth an inch from his tip.

"Baby..." His eyes asked for it.

"If you say please." She smirked.

* * *

_"He's not as good as you." Buffy squeezed Spike's arm._

_ "He's good enough." Spike admitted grudgingly. "God, I envy him. He gets to make love with her, and find out what she likes for the first time, being in love with her, and she's loving him back when -" He stopped, all choked up._

_ "It's funny isn't it? We're both trying to have something in the middle. They want to see if they can be a little more aggressive, we want to just learn to be gentle."_

_ "I'm not sayin' gentle all the time, Luv." Spike whispered, as she curled up in his crossed legs._

_ "Good. But we can practice gentle now." Buffy whispered back, kissing him, enjoying the unique sensation of their quavering beings, half solid, half aery. Just like us, half light and half dark, she pondered as she succumbed to his loving embrace._

* * *

That night they worked together, packing things for her ex to collect. It was tedious and uncomfortable, but it was real. And for two people living so much in plastic world- they wanted to be real. He packed. She cooked. They ate. They talked.

She'd offered for him to spend the weekend, him and his child, on one of his custody visits. She had no experience with children, but she wanted to make this work. She was scared and hopeful as she spoke to him.

"Do you think he'll like the room?"

"He'll love it." He reassured her.

"We- could make it a playroom." Her throat tightened with nerves.

"He'd love that. You're housekeeper might not, but ..."

"Honey." She dropped her end of Matt's pinball machine as they were moving it up from the rec room in the basement. He quickly caught it before it fell down the stairs. She tried to repeat with more authority, but it came out as a broken squeak.

"Are you okay?" He put out his hand and she seized it. "No, you're not. What happened, did I-?"

"I- ." She opened her mouth a few times but nothing more came out.

"I'll get you some water." His voice quaked. His lover looked absolutely terrified. He was sure, in his guilt ridden mind, that it had something to do with the scene they'd acted out days ago, but had no idea what triggered it. "We'll be fine, we're gonna get through it."

"Willyoumovein?" She blurted.

"Will I- move- in?" He translated slowly.

"With me." She added needlessly.

He was in shock. He was sure he had misunderstood. "Stay with you?"

She shook her head vehemently. " Not just stay. _Live_ here. Not just in the summer."

The man chose his words carefully. "That's a big step, and we're both off our game right now. It's been crazy this week-" His analytical side was trying to screw things up for him, but his impetuous, love sick side had other ideas.

* * *

_"If he blows this, I'll bloody find a way to break the void and beat him to death with his own fists." Spike hissed as he and his mate watched the couple interacting._

_ "She's asking a lot." Buffy justified._

_ "No. If he feels like that- even half the way I feel about you, he's dying to be with her. He's gonna try and be noble and blow this lot to hell."_

* * *

"I'd love to." He finally let himself utter the words.

"You would?" She gaped at him incredulously. He raked his fingers through his hair, wincing as he hit a scalp burn caused by weekly peroxide bleaching.

"Love, you're confusing me. You asked me but now you look kinda shell shocked that I agreed." He decided to go for honesty. "I'd love to, but I don't want you to change your mind in ten minutes. We can wait to move in together. I'm not going anywhere if you want to take things slow."

"Are you going anywhere if I want to rush?" She asked worriedly.

"No." He let out a shaking laugh. "I think I'd actually prefer the rush, but it's not all about me."

She walked close to him, hands open at her side. "I think I should be cautious. I think I should be scared to jump in to something new, with someone new. But I'm not. 'Cause it's you."

"I love you so much, so fast." He admitted. There was hope in his eyes, that maybe they were crazy, but they could be crazy together.

"Would you like to live here with me? And your son, when you have him. And the cat we sort of accidentally promised him when we talked to him on the phone." She giggled as she finished her list, a nervous giggle to break the seriousness she felt.

"I would love to." He smiled.

Relief flooded them. But nervous relief. They still had so many hurdles to cross.

* * *

The actual breaking up was a particularly nasty hurdle to contemplate. Saying goodbye to the ones the world told you were a good fit, for the ones who were your genuinely perfectly imperfect partners.

But they did it. As she was finishing her packing, he was ironing out the details of who got what with his now former girlfriend. Her pain, the fact that he caused it, brought back all the feelings of being the "bad man" back on top of him, made him struggled to dissociate himself from the ruthless character he portrayed.

"I'll pay to send your things out there. I have your clothes in a duffle bag. And- and there are lots of pictures of us."

A dry little cry of loss came across the lines. "Okay. Y-you keep half."

"I'm so sorry. I'm _so_ sorry." He swallowed around the lump in his throat. "I did love you. And you are one of the best people I'll ever know. You know I'm a jerk don't you? You don't deserve someone like that." _Am I trying to make her feel better or me feel better?, _he mused.

"Save it." She said in a thick, tearful voice. "I know you aren't a jerk. Or you weren't. But you became one. You know my bank number-until I change it. Transfer in the money, I'll send your stuff. Don't bother to send the photos with my clothes. I have enough trash in my apartment as it is." And with a rising sob, she hung up on him.

"Royally screwed up." He scrubbed at his eyes, and stomped his foot into the pool, making a grand splash. "That's me. That's us. That's what I'll do to her, too, more than I already have. If I'd never done the scene, I wouldn't have come home with her, and we-"

"You know talking to yourself makes you look a little crazy?" She had come up behind him softly, barefoot in the grass.

"Yeah, well, if the shoe fits..." He collapsed back in the grass, looking at the purplish sky under the haze of cloud and polluted air. " You realize that if I hadn't done the scene, you wouldn't have needed me to drive you home? We wouldn't have spent the night, we wouldn't have had sex, wouldn't have had the big realization, we wouldn't have broken up with our lovers, and I wouldn't have made a very nice woman sob uncontrollably from 3,000 miles away."

"So- you're saying- we made a mistake?" Her voice was dangerous, and he was roused out of his self-pity.

"No! No, hell, no!" He shot out of the grass and into her arms. "I'm saying I'm a jerk, and I don't want you to get hurt by me."

"You break my heart, that'll hurt." She cautioned him. "Are you going to do that to me?" Tears welled up in her eyes. Y_ou're manipulating him. He'll stay because he doesn't want to hurt you._ "I shouldn't have said any-"

"Quiet." He shushed her harsh with his voice, soft with his hands, as he pulled her into his arms. "I'm a jerk and you're worried you're forcing me to stay. I don't think you're manipulative, I'm betting you don't think I'm a jerk. I love you, you love me. But we are royally screwed."

"You think _she _was bad? I'm considering upping the insurance on the house before mine gets here."

They shared a small, half-hearted grin. "We're such a mess. Give Buffy and Spike a run for their money."

* * *

_ "Ha! As if." Spike shook his head at his other half's woeful misconception. "Buf, do you want to sit here and listen to this twaddle?"_

_ "Shhh. It's so sweet." Buffy looked at the fully human pair adoringly. "They're trying so hard."_

_ "No, they're making a bollocks of it. 'Oh, I'm so bad, I made someone cry.' He knows nothing about suffering. Whiny little-"_

_ "You're the one who said they don't have real evil here. They don't get the same level of suffering." _

_ "Well, I'm not sitting here watchin' this sap!" _

_ "You don't have a choice!" Buffy shoved him softly. Spike ran his hands distractedly through his hair. She tilted her head. "You're really upset."_

_ "I can't move them along, y'know? They're taking for-bloody-ever. Oh, I mean they've come a long way in a few days, but we've been watchin' this for years, inchin' along, actors on the same show, then friends, then best friends, friends with crushes, friends in love." He railed at the barrier between them, preventing him from speaking to his other self, telling him all he knew about love and not wasting time. "You love each other! Get on with it!" Spike hollered pointlessly at the couple who were now slowly falling back into the grass, kissing and nuzzling._

_ "You said it would take time." She gently reminded him._

_ "What d'you do? D'you follow me round with a soddin' tape recorder? Stop throwin' it back in my face!" He scowled miserably. "I want to go home!"_

_ "It must be my turn to be the sane one." She sighed. He gave her a glare from under half-shut eyes. "Okay. Let's ignore them. Let's talk about something else."_

_ He sighed and nodded. "What's the first thing you wanna do when we get home?"_

_ "We've done this a hundred times..." She rolled her eyes._

_ "And the way Romeo and Juliet are goin' at it, a hundred times more." He gave her a sardonic snarl, lip curling sexily in a half smile. "So play along, kitten."_

_ "Okay... first I'm gonna hug Dawn. Then Xander, then Will, then Giles and Anya. Then rinse, repeat, and then congratulate the mini-slayers. Maybe say hi to Faith and Wood. Even Andrew. If they all made it out."_

_ "I'm sure they did." Spike lied convincingly. In a battle that big, someone always went down. Hell, it was them this time. Maybe that meant the rest were alive._

_ "You're turn." She encouraged. They sat knee to knee, staring at each other, watching the wistfulness and excitement pass on each other's faces, the best things they could hope to see these days. "What are you gonna do first?"_

_ "I'm gonna hug the Niblet. And Red. Wave to the rest. And then they won't see us for dust, Luv. Gonna take you to the best hotel in whatever God-forsaken burg we find and make you mine."_

_ "Y-yours?" Buffy breathed harder suddenly. Or whatever passed for breathing._

_ "Yep. Alll mine." He caressed her cheek, her neck, lingering over her pulse point. "If you'd like- of course."_

_ "I'd love it." She replied softly. "As long as I get my traditional mating ritual, too." She tapped the scarred silver ring that barely held onto her thin fingers._

_ "You name it, Luv, and we'll have it. Doves and white rice and all. But at night." _

_ "Moonlight is so much more romantic." She agreed. "What with the non-dusty husband."_

_ Spike's face twitched, a slow, broad smile coming to it. "You said husband." He murmured, twining his hands with hers._

_ If she could have blushed, she would have. "Yeah. You'll be that, right?"_

_ "Abso-bloody-lutely!" He crowed. " Wow. A married man. The wedding of the millennium, the Big Bad to the Slayer." She glared at him before correcting him._

_ "The Champion and the Slayer."_

_ "Be that as it may, all my friends are evil, but for your lot. I don't suppose there are many demons left now. My side of the church'll look a bit bare, Luv."_

_ "Church? Oh come on. I'm thinking we'll find a car, drive to the nearest judge, and have our little posse stand with up with us."_

_ "Willow going to do another spell, make the old judge forget to ask for a birth certificate and a blood sample?" She shrugged and he figured there would be a way around it. "Giles still gonna give you away?" He gave her a leer, recalling the night, seemed like an eternity ago, when another spell of Willow's had accidentally ended up making them fall in love, and get engaged, just for a few hours. _

_ "Of course! Mm,'lips of Spike'." She also recalled that night, and how horrified she had been to find herself kissing her mortal foe. "Funny how that can go from revulsion to total love in just a few years. Oh! And Xander can be your best man." She looked thrilled at the thought._

_ "Contradiction in terms, Pet." Spike griped, but quietly. Let his love play out her rosy fantasy. The rate things were working out with mortal boy and girl, it'd be quite a while before any marrying or claiming took place. _

_ "And Willow can be the maid of honor. Anya and Dawn can be bridesmaids. Or should Dawn be the maid of honor? I don't think I want a lot of the others there. Do I need a dress? You need a suit." She rambled on happily, unaware of how odd it all sounded to her shadowy lover._

_ "Buffy. We'll be coming back from death," Spike pointed out. "I don't think the clothes make a hell of a lot of difference, Pet._

_ "You're right. That's a stupid concern at this point." She looked down at their intertwined hands, feeling like a shamed child. Spike mentally cursed himself._

_ "Sometimes I'm a bloody fool, Sweetheart. It's our only wedding. Emphasis on ONLY. As in you'll never get rid of me once we're joined." She leaned in and kissed him, smiling for his understanding. "Once in an eternity, we can spruce up. Get you the prettiest white frock you've ever seen. And if you want me to wear a top hat and morning suit- I'll do it. 'Cause I love you, and there's nothin' I wouldn't do for my girl."_

_ "I just want us to be together." She reassured. "The rest is all gravy."_

* * *

To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: This was originally a piece with much more detail regarding the "other halves" of Spike and Buffy. However, I am re-writing Behind the Scenes to be focused mainly on Spuffy. New readers- I really hope you'll give it a chanceThe first few chapters are the hardest to get into, but I encourage you to push past it and see the life Spike and Buffy create for themselves. If that "parallel universe" premise is not to your liking, I understand, and hope you'll check out some of the other pieces that I've been working on._

_Author's Second Note: The non-magic realm is written in plain text, the "cosmic realm", Buffy and Spike's shadow realm, and the world of Sunnydale are written in italics._

_Dedicated to all the numerous fans and supporters of Behind the Scenes and Deleted Scenes, and in particular, the fabulously insightful Ginar369, the dedicated RmsThakoer, and the encouraging Touch the Dark, Omslagspapper, and Jewel74._

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine.**_

**Part IV**

They went to bed after midnight. "I need more sleep. Make-up artists are awesome, but at this rate I'll need my eye bags surgically removed." Ess moaned as they trudged back upstairs after carrying the final boxes down.

"This suits me. Hard-bitten vampire look. I think they'd love it if I literally were on a liquid diet and actually smoked like Spike."

"Yeah, well I'm supposed to look youthful, fragile, and lethal all at once." Ess sank wearily down on the bed and then sprang back up. "I'm all grimy! God, I hate moving! I did as much work as if I were moving out and it's for _him_."

Jim hadn't made it to the bed yet, he was hesitating by the doorway of the master bathroom. His little plastic bag of spare clothes was on the edge of the bed. A few shirts, two pairs of jeans, no underwear-cause he never wore 'em, and in a moment of foresight, he'd actually remembered to grab his toothbrush and razor from his dressing room table. "I was gonna suggest a shower, Essie." He leaned lazily on the doorway. All of Matt's toiletries were downstairs in boxes. "Got any guy shampoo or do I need to use the flowery stuff you use?"

"What makes you think I use flowery stuff? Maybe I'm very practical." She argued, heading to the bathroom and pulling open the linen closet door.

"You smell like lilies and lavender." He smiled gently. She looked at him, surprised pleasure on her face.

"Y-you noticed that?"

"Every time we were close on the set." He rubbed her lower back as she stooped down to retrieve something.

"You smell like leather and I don't know- some really yummy manly smell, almost like Old Spice. Clean. Just Jim." She blushed. "Here." She handed him a new and unopened bottle of shampoo, clearly designed for men, judging by the rugged coloring and text on the packaging.

They undressed easily, as if they'd been married for years, instead of just discovering each other. Maybe it was because of the best friend thing. Jim's tired brain registered that he should make a play to show her he certainly wasn't taking her for granted or getting bored after so short a time. He imagined he would never feel that way, let alone after a few days. She was breathtaking, and she was his. "Essie?" His voice seemed fatigued.

"Yeah, Baby?" She turned on the shower.

"You look amazing. Even when you're grimy. You've got the hottest, tightest, most perfect little body."

Ess's exhausted mind warred with her equally exhausted body. _You can't pull the "I'm too tired" thing on him, not after a few days. He's complimenting you in a sexual way, and you're falling asleep on him? _"Thank you." She mustered. "And so are you. Ab-alicious and then some." He slowly stroked her back, sending a shiver down her, making her flood with warmth- but not energy.

"God, Love, I want you-" He paused. The male ego was about to bruise completely.

"There's a 'but', isn't there?"

"Yes, actually. We had a long day-"

"I know, and I'm so sorry. I want to. You know that." Her sleep deprived eyes pleaded with him to understand.

"Are you doing a version of 'not tonight, dear'?" Jim bit back a smile.

"Yes?" She squeaked nervously. "Are you mad?"

"No! I'll never be _mad _about that! Unless you're doing it out of spite, then maybe I'd be a little- irritated." Jim stepped in the shower, helping her in and letting her head fall back into the groove of his shoulder as he leaned against her back.

"Disappointed?" She asked softly.

"No. Relieved- don't scream at me! I'm just tired, Baby, and I was so afraid I'd let you down." He scanned her face for traces of disapproval or freaking out at him. Far from it. She stifled a laugh, eyes searching his face to see if he'd be mad that she'd snicker at him. His own face was shivering with a suppressed chuckle.

Soon they were laughing helplessly, leaning against each other, then slowly sinking to their knees, still laughing, hugging, letting the cascade of hot water soak them. "Feels good- to just- tell you -the truth." Ess gasped.

"Yeah." Jim wiped his eye, sighing into her wet hair. "You can always trust me, Essie, always tell me anything, whatever it is."

"I know." She squirmed in his embrace. Feeling his hot, naked body so close to her set her tingling, but he was tired. She was tired.

"Ess? Can I be truthful again?" She nodded, nibbling his strong shoulder. "I just got a second wind."

"Me, too!" Ess cried, and she jumped him.

* * *

The sunlight finally penetrated her closed eyelids. She stretched, smiled, and felt for the hard muscled form beside her. _What a perfect Sunday. All day to-_ Ess sat up with a gasp. "Matt's coming." Jim jerked awake beside her, sitting up with a startled shake of his head. "Not now. I mean, soon."

"It's 8:35. Soon is an understatement." Jim laid back down with a groan.

"We hafta get up! Matt can't find me like this-" Ess ceased speaking abruptly, seeing Jim's eyebrows shoot up. "Jim, I-"

"No. It's okay. I get it." He gave her an understanding smile, laced with pain. "I wouldn't want Liz finding me in bed with you either. It's just awkward, and I wouldn't wanna hurt her like that."

"I _do_ wanna hurt him, right now anyway, but I don't want-" She bit her lip. She was supposed to be the epitome of the strong female warrior. At least on screen. Inside, in real life, she cared whether or not her ex would yell at her, call her names, or say things that made her feel degraded. Things about why she turned to Jim. Maybe, in part, because a tiny voice in her mind screamed it was true. "I don't want him to say things." She concluded, turning away before Jim could see the tears that reached the surface so quickly these days.

He let her go. Grabbing his clothes from the plastic bag, watching her yank on a bra, sweats and a tank top. When she was clothed, he went up to her, encircling his arms around her waist. "To say things?"

"Yeah." Her voice was empty and small.

"About us? The- uh, that scene?" His protector was slowly bubbling to the surface. He was just looking for fuel, looking for justification for one good punch.

"Mmhm." Ess clamped her lips closed, swallowing the sounds trying to emerge. _He said I liked it, said I liked you hurting me. I want to be with you, I do, but not because of that. I love you because you _never_ hurt me, because you comfort me, and because if you ever did want to explore new things with me, you'd make it feel good, not painful, _her inner voice begged her to tell him exactly that, but she was held back by the fear that suddenly Matt's words would be the ones on her lips, accusing, belittling, insinuating. And he didn't deserve it, as her friend, as the guy she spent long hours rehearsing with, as a partner, and especially not now, as a lover.

"Just one good punch." Jim hissed in her ear, a snarling grin on his face. The wolf protecting his mate. "For whatever he told you that hurts you, Baby.

"I love you because you never hurt me, because you comfort me, and because if you ever did want to explore new things with me, you'd make it feel good, not painful." Ess choked out. "But he hints, or just outright says- that it's not the case."

Jim stroked her arms, her hair, placing a tender kiss on her forehead and then her lips. "I won't let him say anything bad to you, Ess. One ugly word gets past his lips and I'll crack his jaw. No more talking."

She blushed. Someone willing to fight for her. She felt a hot blush creep up her cheeks, a schoolgirl thrill. "You're my hero, Hon. Thank you." She kissed him back. "But your son and I need you next weekend. No, seriously, we do. If you're in jail, or in court- I'd be taking care of him. You'd come home to a house filled with hamsters and expensive toys. I don't have any cartoon band aids. I_ might_ have ketchup, but I'm not sure. You see how it could be a disaster, don't you?"

Jim laughed at her look of desperation. "You actually listened the other night."

"Yeah! Totally want your son to love me." Ess smiled. She let him propel her towards the stairs, the clock racing forward. "Wait! I need makeup. And a hair brush."

"You look perfect." He argued, still attached to her.

"Says you. But I need my 'outwardly calm and righteous' face on."

"They have makeup for that?" Jim wriggled his scarred eyebrow at her.

"If you do it right, yeah." Ess giggled.

"I'll go put the coffee on, then." Jim said. His hand lingered on her waist. "Essie? I won't hit him. Because you said not to. But if you change your mind-"

"You'll see me throw a punch that I don't pull." Ess's voice was suddenly steely. "And you're my back up."

He kissed her shoulder and the nape of her neck. "I'll always have your back, love."

"That's why we're together." She smiled.

* * *

At 9:00 sharp the moving truck arrived, followed by a sporty SUV. Jim and Ess mentally braced for impact.

Matt walked in. He had the gall to jingle his keys in Ess's face as she opened the door for him. "Guess you'd better change the locks." He scowled.

"Everything but the heavy furniture is in the garage. Tell them to back the truck up closer to it." Ess ignored his implications. One of the moving men nodded to her and walked off, presumably to relay her message.

"Where's the bleached freak?" Matt looked around her, anywhere but at her.

"Jim is in the garage, helping."

"Aww, how nice. Helping me move after fucking my girlfriend and taking my place? Guess he figured the sci-fi villain role wasn't cutting it. Switch to real-life, find a kinky bitch like you, and instant sugar mama."

Ess's hand itched to slap him, but she couldn't. "I am sorry that it ended like this." She forced herself to sound calm.

His eyes met hers. There was pain there, anger and bitterness. Scraps of someone who had swept her off her feet and told her they would build a world together, take the rest of it by storm. "Yeah, well. I'm sorry, too. But I'm not the one who ended it."

"I know." She said softly, reaching a hesitant hand for his. He brushed it away.

"Sorry. Not in the mood. Besides, if that freak has been all over you, I don't want you near me. Don't know what diseases you picked up. He's probably into weird shit, you better get yourself-"

"Why can't you tell the difference between an actor and his character all of the sudden?" Ess demanded in a desperate, exasperated screech.

"Maybe 'cause you can't?" Matt bellowed back.

The door slammed down the hall and quick footsteps approached. "Ess?"

"And here he is." Matt's eyes narrowed. "Hey! Jim! Haven't seen you in forever, man, how's it going?" Matt's voice was expansive and friendly.

"Matt." Jim gave him a short nod, not playing that game. He took a protective stance next to Ess, not touching her but close enough to reassure her he would be there if she needed him.

"Attacked any good women lately?" The ex gave him a cruel smile.

Ess's hand flew before she could stop herself. Jim' hand soared up and seized her wrist, preventing the blow, an almost instinctive move of long training and many choreographed battles. "He's not worth it, Baby." Jim murmured.

"You don't like her wailing on anyone but you?" Matt laughed darkly.

Ess shook Jim' hand off, glaring at Matt. "Say one more sexually violent thing to me- to either of us- and I'll call the cops."

"And they'll believe you, why? All anyone has to do is watch your show to see what you like."

Jim couldn't hold his tongue. "You never seemed this stupid before. I mean, what's with the confusion over acting versus real life? You think every actor or actress involved in a compromising scene is really like that off camera?"

"I'm stupid? You're the one letting her use you as her new fetish toy." Matt accused.

"I can't listen to this." Ess clutched her head. "I hurt you. I get that. Could you please leave my job out of it?"

"No! Cause your job is what made you act like this in the first place!" Matt's eyes were suddenly over bright and his voice was constricted. "You couldn't take the scenes. _You _couldn't tell the difference between acting and really sleeping with him!"

"Yes, she could." Jim' voice was soft, deadly.

* * *

_You see? I told you the mortals would have their own confrontations._

_ I admit- the emotional struggle is... comparable. But it will be over soon. The Champion and the Slayer will face confrontation for the rest of their lives._

_ Perhaps not. Not from loved ones who may just be glad to have them returned._

_ There will always be battles for them. For the mortals, this ends in moments._

_ It isn't when it _ends_. It's what they _learn_ from it. New ways of looking at each other. As Slayer and Champion finally learned, and will continue to learn, to see each other in many new ways. Until they become everything to each other._

* * *

"Yes, I could." Ess echoed her co-star. "I knew what I was doing. I wasn't confused about who or what I was getting involved in. I made a choice. It wasn't you. And I'm sorry."

Matt's shoulders rose and fell in suppressed rage, or maybe it was sorrow. It was hard to tell with him right now. He hurled his keys at her, hard, and Jim snagged them before they connected with her chest. "Fine. Enjoy your _choice_. I'm doing a walk-through. See what you conveniently forgot to give me. Take the house keys off if it'll make you feel safer. I wouldn't come back here if you paid me." Without a backward glance, he stormed off.

It was as though he really didn't care about the physical items in the house. He cared that he made his emotional mark on her. And then left her, shattered by the harshness of his words.

In his fury, he didn't take long to collect and be gone. He made one hell of a racket doing it, though. While his girlfriend could sit on the porch, numb and ignoring of every slam, every shout, every annoyed epithet- Spike's other half couldn't react the same way. He paced, he growled, and cursed back inside his head. _Spike would fight the jerk dishonoring his woman, beat him into a pulp, or simply break his neck with one quick pull. _He had to fight down the impulse to slip into character, and show Matt the true meaning of being unable to differentiate between acting and reality.

"Why don't I do it?" He hissed as another door slam shook the ceiling lights. "What kind of man lets this insult go unpunished? " He felt himself slipping into a cross between a Shakespearean duelist and the passionate vampire, two roles he'd played well in his career, heading towards the stairs, wishing he had a blade, or at least a pair of fangs. "I am not that kind of man." He charged the first flight of stairs before he felt the vibrations, much slighter, running up behind him.

"Jim!" Ess yanked the hem of his shirt. "What are you-"

"Don't stop me, Essie," Jim tugged himself free. "What kind of man would let him treat you like this?"

"A man who has a son and- and a woman- to be with. Who doesn't want to end up in jail." Ess reminded him desperately.

"We're done here! In every sense of the word." Matt returned from the attic, an assortment of framed photographs in one arm and a winter coat in the other. He dropped the pictures on the hardwood floor below, a satisfied smile on his face as they shattered into dozens of shards. "Bye." He pushed past them, lingering his hand on Ess's arm. "Don't come crying to me when he hurts you for real."

Jim lunged, but Matt was too quick. As Ess grabbed his arm, he heard the door slam, a muffled shout, and the sound of an engine roaring. Ess sank down on the stairs, an expression of abject sorrow that crumbled into wails of grief as the finality of it all hit her.

"Shhh. Shhh, baby. He's gone. He's all gone, and I'm here. I've got you, honey." He didn't mind that she was crying. You lose someone you love, you cry. If he left behaving like the scum of the earth, you cried harder. And if half your stuff had been taken and precious family photographs shattered as a parting shot- you could drown yourself in tears. And what was killing him was that he could've prevented it. One uppercut to the jaw would have been the end of the stem of hatred that man spewed.

She let him cradle her, sobbing all over him, not caring that her nose was running as well as her eyes, or that she was all blotchy in her tears. She didn't even care that there was a pile of broken glass on the floor that would take a month to vacuum up. "S-s-sorry." She sobbed out.

"Nothing to be sorry about. You cry as long as you need to. I'm here, I'm gonna look after you." He didn't mean to say what he said next, yet he did. "Why didn't you let me stop him? I should have prevented it, stopped it."

"Because you're a good man. _My_ good man. You didn't want to do anything to get in trouble, even if he deserved it. You wouldn't leave me here, crying over both of you, would you?"

"No. No, I wouldn't leave you." He comforted, pulling her up , letting her weight rest on him fully. "I'm going to go take you upstairs and tuck you into bed, and then come down here and clean up this mess." Jim kissed her forehead lightly.

"No. Come with me. Hold me?" Ess bit her lip. _Too needy? Who cares?_

"Of course, love." He led her upstairs. The rest of the world could wait. Another bad day blossomed in their own little world.

About 20 minutes later the crying had slowed, and Jim looked relieved. Then she began speaking and he almost wished the tears would come back.

"We were going to get engaged. This summer. We talked about it. Was going to be the highlight of our vacation. We were going to see beautiful places. We were going to have two kids. A big, white, wedding." She was speaking softly, not really to him.

"I loved him, you know? He knew what being an actress was like, knew that the job was all consuming for most of the year. Never minded me working weekends. Until I was doing scenes with you." She looked at him from under swollen eyelids.

"I'm sorry." He offered, having no idea what the correct response was supposed to be.

"He used to say such sweet things. Until recently. And then, he started to talk about my work like it was my - my guilty pleasure."

"I don't understand why he started acting like that, Babe. Buffy used to kiss Angel. Riley. You used to do more than kiss sometimes." Jim pointed out in a regretful sigh.

"Not like I kissed you, I guess." She gave him a guilty half-smile. "Am I talking too much?" She suddenly asked.

"No, you say whatever needs to get out. I can't say I'm happy hearing it though. I wish you'd gotten your fairy tale ending, Baby."

She reflected for a moment before speaking. "My story isn't done yet." She whispered, pulling her lover's lips close to hers and pulling their heads together.

"Before you go back to crying, or reminiscing, or anything-" Jim panted as the kiss broke. "Can I say one thing?"

"Yeah." Ess looked at him curiously.

"Two things. I can't count, I guess." He gave a nervous laugh. "I still think I let you down. By letting him act that way. I guess I knew we were in the wrong, and I didn't want it to be messier than it already was. But if he ever comes near you again Ess- no one will stop me. I'm not my character. But I love _you_ just as intensely as he loved _her_. And on that note- what Matt said, before he left." His eyes burned into hers, a sea of molten tears and guilt. "I won't ever do that."

"I know you-"

He kept going, an urgency in his voice. "I think- I think sometimes that my protective side surfaces, and it looks a lot like an angry, unstable guy. But that's because I want to keep you safe, darling. I would never, _ever_ hurt you."

"I love you so much." Ess stroked his hair, mouths melding again. "Things are going to get better now, right?"

"I promise." He agreed rashly, fully aware that he could promise no such thing. "I promise to try."

"And it'll happen, Jimmy. Y'know why? 'Cause you're the type of guy I can trust."

* * *

_"I love when she says that." Spike sighed and sprawled, contented for the moment. _

_ "How can you relax? That was terrible for her."_

_ "Can I help it if I love watching her choose me? I mean him. You know what I mean." He linked fingers with her. "You chose me over everything. The Wankers That Deal," he paused while she laughed at his little slur, "said they had to make the same choices. When she looked the other one right in the eye, the one she thought was the perfect one, to make the perfect life with, an' told him she'd made her choice..." he shrugged as he trailed off, "loved it."_

_ Buffy nestled closer. "I thought maybe you liked watching Mr. Actor down there turn into a real bad ass and charge off, ready to defend his lady."_

_ "Hell yeah! For that I wanted some popcorn. Wish this thing came with a remote and I could rewind that bit. An' some of the other bits." He winked._

_ Buffy blushed in her semi-solid skin._

_ "But there's a difference." Spike continued, watching the couple underneath them, so close, but literally a world away. "You don't need anyone to fight your battles."_

_ "No... but I need help." They shared a smile. "Something else is the same. You are_ my_ hero."_

_ They suddenly decided they could leave the other couple alone for awhile. They had more important things to attend to._

* * *

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: This was originally a piece with much more detail regarding the "other halves" of Spike and Buffy. However, I am re-writing Behind the Scenes to be focused mainly on Spuffy. New readers- I really hope you'll give it a chanceThe first few chapters are the hardest to get into, but I encourage you to push past it and see the life Spike and Buffy create for themselves. If that "parallel universe" premise is not to your liking, I understand, and hope you'll check out some of the other pieces that I've been working on._

_Author's Second Note: The non-magic realm is written in plain text, the "cosmic realm", Buffy and Spike's shadow realm, and the world of Sunnydale are written in italics._

_Third Note: Picks up about a week after the last chapter._

_Dedicated to Ginar369,Touch the Dark, Omslagspapper, Jewel74 and Illusera._

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine.**_

**Part V**

"What if he doesn't like me? What if thinks I'm a replacement for Liz, or his mom? What if he resents me? What if he won't eat the dinner I'm cooking for him?" Buffy's double climbed into the car beside her partner as she rattled off the insecurities plaguing her.

"First, Sul already talked to you on the phone three times this week, and he liked you. Second, I doubt if he'll feel a strong sense of loyalty to Liz, because they didn't spend much time together. Third, 'resents' is a stretch. A little jealous or possessive, maybe. But that is cured easily, by me taking him out and letting you stay home and get a few moment's peace. Which you will want, believe me. And lastly, if he doesn't like your cooking, he's lost his mind and his manners. We raised him to be polite and at least try new foods."

The suntanned blonde's breathing rate slowed down from its near hyperventilative state. "Thanks. I'm doing better, don't you think?"

"Oh much, Darling. That last panic attack pales in comparison to the others this week." He winked at her, that deliciously curving smile of amusement on his lips, melting her. "Now come on, his flight gets in soon and you know what LAX traffic is like."

* * *

_"Oh wow! We're going to get see the little boy!" Buffy squeezed her lover's arm excitedly._

_ "Why is that so amazing? We've known the little sprog was comin'." Spike grunted. "Now we get to watch a family-fun fest instead of the proper shaggin' experience a weekend off deserves."_

_ "But it's _our _family!" Buffy exclaimed, peering down into the car, as if magically the little boy would appear._

_ Spike swallowed. "Luv- we never mentioned it- but-"_

_ "No, I know. We can't have- babies. I know that. I even told Angel- right before we went into battle this last time- that I didn't see any kids in our future."_

_ "But you want them, don't you?" Spike felt his un-beating heart suddenly throb and ache. Children would not be possible for him, no matter what she wanted. "Sorry, Pet. Y'know the whole- not alive thing- can't imagine my swimmers are alive, either."_

_ "You're not gonna make a big deal of this, are you?" Buffy demanded._

_ "Well, yeah, actually, I am. Sort of. I want to give you the whole soddin' world, and all you get is me. Not even a proper family."_

_ "I want you. I don't need anything else." Buffy seized his hands. "I made my choice a long time ago, and I knew all the facts."_

_ "But I love you. I want to give you your every heart's desire." _

_ "I wonder if they'll have a baby." Buffy smiled wistfully._

_ "Luv? Not helpin' ease my overwhelmin' guilt." He reminded her._

_ "I just wondered. 'Cause it would look like us." Buffy gently caressed his face. "Bright blue eyes. Cheekbones you could cut with. That strong chin, and perfect skin."_

_ "No, Luv. Big green eyes. Pouty little mouth. Cheeks that flame, and delicate bone structure. Like her mother." He spoke the last words without thinking._

_ "Strong. Smart. Handsome. Like his father." Buffy whispered._

_ "Fast and lethal- like her mother." His voice gaining conviction._

_ "He'd have an accent like yours."_

_ "She'd have your cute nose. Your lovely laugh."_

_ "Spike-" her mouth formed the words, trembling._

_ "I know." He swallowed. Suddenly the thing they had never wanted was foremost in their minds. He forced the toughness back into his voice. "You'd be a great mum. It's me, Pet. Sure, I can eat ice cream and cake in front of her, but she'll eventually wonder why we keep blood in the fridge. Can't explain to her why Daddy can't play with her on sunny days, or take her to the beach. Or even to church. Do we go to church?"_

_ "I think you'll be okay as long as there's no holy water or cross touchage. And don't you put all the guilt on you. Can't you just hear me, as a mom? 'Now son, don't touch mommy's crossbows, stakes, swords, knives, special slayer weapon, magic herbs, potions or sacred ritualistic items'."_

_ "We could never make it to parent-teacher meetings. We'd never be able to chaperone field trips."_

_ "You'd have to tuck him in, because I'll be out patrolling."_

_ "Patrolling should be light work from now on, Luv. Got an army of slayers and a closed up Hellmouth."_

_ "There's another one in Cleveland." Buffy said, just to be an annoyance._

_ "I'm not movin' to bloody Cleveland! Nor Michigan. If we've gotta leave the Sunnyhell area, can't we at least go to London? Giles'd like it." He tagged on persuasively._

_ "Giles is coming along?" Buffy asked wide eyed._

_ "I'm not sayin' I'm crazy about all your friends, but I tolerate most of 'em well enough, even like a couple of 'em, and they're your family. I assumed they were part of the package. If I'm wrong, of course-"_

_ "I love you!" Buffy ground the whole of herself to him suddenly, knocking him from his kneeling position flat onto his back. "Thank you. Thank you for not getting all possessive."_

_ "Oh, I'm plenty possessive, Luv." He softly lathed his tongue over her lips, sucking each one into his hungry mouth. "But I'm not askin' you to give up another thing for me. Except a few hours every day so I can ravish you."_

_ "That's really a mutually beneficial thing so it doesn't count." She nibbled his chin, working her way down his chest. She smiled as the familiar sound of a hastily drawn breath announced his forthcoming arousal._

_ "I wish we could." He murmured softly. "I think I'd be lousy at it- but you'd be brilliant."_

_ "Well- we can't. As far as we know. B-but then- you never know, you know? Until it happens?" In her emotion, she was nearly babbling. "I never knew a vampire could get his soul back, but you have yours. One of the very few, right? Do most vamps even know it's possible?"_

_ "No, I don't s'pose they do." He shook his head, not liking the direction this was heading. "But Buffy, a soul is metaphysical. We're talking sperm. I don't think you can make it what it once was."_

_ "You can raise the dead, but you can't restore sperm?"_

_ "I personally can't raise the dead, Luv, and the only way I made a dead thing an undead thing was by killing it and turning it. And no one is biting my bits!"_

_ "You didn't used to complain." Buffy gave him a seductive grin._

_ "You know that doesn't draw blood, Sweetlet." He moaned as her hand grasped the piece of him in question._

_ "My point being- umm, not that point, baby. I'm getting there." She pushed his eager hips down firmly, trying not to lose her train of thought. "We don't know what's possible. There might be a spell. The Powers kept us together. Maybe they want us to make a little Souled-Demon-slash-Chosen person. Maybe a prophecy is there!"_

_ "But you get yourself all hopeful, Luv. And then- what if it's just me? And there's never any little Spikes or Buffys?" Spike placed his hands on her shoulders, forcing her eyes to focus on his, his forced calm radiating into her. "This is probably as good as it gets, Pet."_

_ "I'm okay with that." She kissed him lightly. "It's more than I could hope for, and I got it. Kinda gives me hope that other things can happen too."_

* * *

"I need the effing arriving flights ramp, period! And then American Airlines." Jim cursed profusely under his breath. "Traffic-arrival times-forgets to turn on his cell phone?"

"You're muttering under your breath. Can you share the cursing out, or do you wanna keep it private?"

"Let me in, you idiot!" Jim hollered to the person cutting him off as he tried to merge into the arriving flights ramp.

"I'm gonna shut up now." Ess buttoned her lips and stared straight ahead. She started running through possible greeting scenarios._ Hi, Sully! I'm so glad to meet you! Too Saturday morningish? Hey, Sul, what's up? No, trying too hard to sound cool. Welcome, Sullivan, to our happy home- oh good God._ She let out a little whimper, but Jim was too busy trying to navigate the sea of traffic to pay her any mind. Though she could use another round of reassurance, she also didn't want to distract him in the apocalyptic traffic that was part of the charm of LAX.

His cell phone rang and his face lit up with fatherly joy and relief. "He remembered his cell phone!"

"Don't take your hands off the wheel." Ess urged, reaching for the phone. Jim was flooring it to the pick up lounge entrance. She flipped open the phone and held it up to his ear. "Sully?"

"Hi Dad! The plane landed and we're getting off now."

"You staying with the flight attendant they assigned you? Did you already call your mom and tell her you got here okay?" Jim demanded in his "protective father" voice.

"Yeah, Dad." Sully replied. Ess grinned. You could practically hear the boy's eyes rolling.

"We're pulling in right now. We're going to meet you inside. Stay on the phone with me."

"Did you bring Ess? Can I talk to her?" Jim quirked one eyebrow at her and gave he a slight nod.

He was so sexy, even now, talking to his son. Maybe it was the quirky eyebrow, or the way he could use his profile to make every facial expression a poem. "Hi Sully." She managed to say in a perfectly normal tone of voice.

"Hi Ess! Guess what? I drew you a picture on the plane. I was guessing you had yellow-white hair like Daddy's since you work at the same place."

Ess mentally hugged the little guy. His voice was friendly and he'd made her a picture! "Actually my hair is more of a yellow-brown." She laughed. Jim gave her an "I told you so" look.

"Alright, Sul, we're coming." Jim grabbed the phone back and bolted out of the car, nearly forgetting to wait for his companion. "Where are you?"

"I'm getting my suitcase."

"We'll meet you by the baggage claim."

She saw him first, recognizing the little boy from the mountain of photos that were in his father's apartment, wallet, and dressing room. She pointed to the little boy with brown hair, and Jim's sharp features grappling with a cell phone, a Bears cap, and bright blue book bag. "Is that him?

"Sul!" Jim shouted and waved. The uniformed stewardess waved and directed Sully to his father.

"Dad!" He jerked free from the accompanying attendant and rushed toward them.

"So good to see you!" Jim bear hugged his son, kissing the crown of his head. He rubbed his arms with rough affection before rising. "Thank you so much." Jim shook the attendant's hand, pressing a fifty into it with the ease of many practices.

"Thank you, Sir. Can I see your ID, please?" Jim was already reaching into the pocket of jeans, flipping open his wallet to show her his license.

The petite actress hung back, suddenly shy and out of place. _Never acted in this role before. Maybe he needed this time alone with his son, and I'm a third-wheel. _Ess took a hesitant step back, only to find Jim turning Sully to face her. "Sulster, this is Ess." Jim said warmly.

"Hi!" Sully stuck out his hand, and to Ess's credit she didn't say "awww" as was her first instinct.

"Hi. Did you have a good flight?"

"Yeah. Boring movie though. I drew some pictures." They started walking to the baggage claim, Sully digging through this book bag for his artwork, heedless of the snack wrappers he was unearthing as they fell to the floor.

"You're leaving a trail, son." Jim smiled wryly. Sully grinned sheepishly, and the three of them picked up the trash. Jim snagged a small red duffle bag from the carousel and told Sully to show them the pictures in the car.

As soon as Sully was buckled into the backseat, an avalanche of papers poured out. "Look, here's a picture of you and Ess with brown hair-" Sully pushed a drawing up front into Jim's hand, "and here's you playing your guitar. And here's Ess and you with yellow-white hair. Here's a cat. Here's a picture of all three of us buying a cat." Jim and Ess started laughing uncontrollably. "What? What's so funny?"

"Just a _few_ pictures, Sul?" His dad reached back and squeezed Sully's knee. "You've got enough for a gallery."

"Say it in the Spike voice." Sully giggled.

"You've enough for a bleedin' gallery, mate." His father obliged. Then he paused. "Spike voice? Your mother knows I don't want you watching the show I'm on. When did you see it?"

"Last week at a friend's house. I told him you were on television and he didn't believe me! So the babysitter let us watch you. Oh yeah. Megan- she's the sitter- said you're really hot." Sully unbuckled his seat belt and leaned forward, grabbing Ess's shoulder. "You're Buffy. My friend Peter says you are so cute."

"Sully! Sit down and buckle up!" Jim barked, and Ess gaped and blushed.

"Tell Peter I said thanks." She finally coughed out.

"And tell your friends that you are not allowed to watch the show. I don't think it's good for you. Okay? I mean it, Sullivan."

"Okay." Sully looked guilty.

Ess bit her lip. Not your kid, she reminded herself fiercely, let Jim give the fatherly instructions.

"Can I ask you a question first?"

"Of course, guy. And I'm not mad, buddy. But there are bad words and lots of violence and-" he paused. He wasn't sure his son knew what sex was, and he really didn't want to find out while navigating the on ramp onto one of the country's crappiest roads. "And you just shouldn't watch it."

"How come you and Ess have to beat each other up before kissing?"

"Sully!" Jim shouted in surprise. "I- that's- it's- " He swallowed. "You see, Spike and Buffy are both- they have super powers. And part of their relationship is that they practice fighting together. They enjoy the fact that they have someone they can be strong with."

"Kissing comes with strongness?" Sully asked, his head cocked to the side, just like his father did on occasion.

"No, not strength- well, in their case, maybe a little bit." Jim was floundering. Ess tapped her lover's thigh, and asked to join in, all with a look. Jim gestured with his hand, inviting her to contribute, silently hoping she wasn't going to make it worse.

"That's just the characters your dad and I play. It's an act. In real life, we're really good friends. We practice fighting sometimes, but only so we look good on the show. We never hurt each other in real life."

"You never hit my dad?" Sully's voice was suddenly accusatory.

"Only play hits." The actress admitted with a trace of apprehension.

"Ess and I have a hard job, Little Man. We take care of each other, so no one actually gets hurt." Jim gave one quick twitch as he pictured Ess's tortured, crying face as she squirmed under him. "It isn't real. None of it's real." Ess reached over and squeezed his thigh again.

"So no kissing either?"

"Ah, now that, son, is a different game. 'Cause kissing is fun, and not at all painful." He and Ess exchanged a heated look. Jim felt his tongue curling involuntarily as he imagined kissing that sweet little mouth.

"Ew!" Sully wrinkled his nose. "So Ess isn't your girlfriend?"

"Uhh-" Jim exchanged a panicked look with the woman beside him. They had only been together for a few weeks as romantic partners, they were living together, they were in love. And they'd been friends for a long time now. But he'd never even taken her out on a "date".

* * *

_"I'm gonna have a heart attack!"_

_ "We're 'dead'. You're_ doubly _dead." Buffy pointed out. Spike was not dissuaded._

_ He clutched his shirt with one hand and gestured frantically with the other. "What the hell is he stallin' for? He loves her, she loves him, they trust each other, want each other, want to live together! Call her your soddin' girlfriend, you stupid little-"_

_ "Spike, give him a minute."_

* * *

"Um." Ess added. Oh, real helpful, she thought to herself. "Jim- I-"

* * *

_"Oh, my God! Not her too. Totally getting the heart attack feeling now!" Buffy joined her beloved in some hand wringing action. "I hate this show." She muttered before biting her lip._

_ "Give her a minute." Spike turned her words back on her. She scowled, and the both continued to watch anxiously._

* * *

"Ess and I like each other a lot." Jim said. He saw Ess's face falling, and then quickly rearranging itself to conceal that she felt saddened by his non-committal answer. _Dammit. Must every little twist of fate shove us along? _"Sully, would you cover your ears for a minute?"

"Are you gonna say a bad word at the big trucks?"

"No! You've been driving with your mother again, haven't you?" Sully giggled and plugged his headphones into his ears.

Jim bit his lip softly before plucking up his courage. "Ess? Would you like to be my girlfriend? I know it's soon to give this relationship a formal name. But-"

"I would love it! And as soon as we get to a red light I'll show you my appreciation."

"Son in the car." He reminded her with a mischievous grin. "Which reminds me. Sul! You can open your ears." Sully pushed the headphones from his ears and leaned up to the front seat. "Okay. To answer some questions." Father and son waggled eyebrows at each other, twin smiles on their faces. "Ess and I kiss on the stage, which a lot of actors and actresses do. But most of them have their own families and those kisses are just part of their job. We also kiss off stage, because we- love each other. She is my girlfriend. I didn't want to tell you right away- in case you got upset."

Sully's eyes were wide and Ess clasped her hands nervously. _Way to lay it on the line, Jim. Hi, this is my new girlfriend, she beats me up on television, how do you like her?_

"Are you getting married?" Sully asked, a mixture of worry and interest in his eyes.

"No. This is new! You need time to make those decisions." Ess hastily intervened. Letting the kid show you the light in terms of declaring yourselves boyfriend and girlfriend was fine and dandy, but she wouldn't let them get rushed to the altar.

"You don't want to marry my dad?" Sully asked, eyes hardening. Ess noticed, craned in her seat as she was, that he had the same startling blue eyes as his father.

"Sully, stop giving Ess such a hard time." Jim smirked. And to Ess's amazement, Sully's face twisted into a mini smirk, gap toothed and snickering.

"Th-that was mean!" She burst out. "You made me feel all guilty!"

"I'm sorry!" Sully said quickly, and genuinely. And he was all innocent again. "It's okay if you do want to. Or don't want to. Do I still get a cat?"

She laughed. "Jim! Why didn't you tell me he was a six year old version of you?"

"I thought it'd be more fun to watch you find out yourself." He reached behind the seat and he and Sully exchanged a high five.

Ess relaxed and listened to the man she loved animatedly conversing with his little boy. She felt warm and peaceful- especially since they were now off the freeway and Jim had resumed driving like a normal person and not someone delivering a life saving blood transfusion.

They were going to Ess's place first. Let Sully feel the place out, if he liked it, they would spend the weekend there. If he was weirded out, the three of them would be spending the weekend in their apartment. And if an all out melt-down occurred, Ess could stay at her place, and Jim and Sully go on their separate ways this trip.

She really hoped Sully would like the house. There was so much emptiness there, and two huge bedrooms waiting to be filled. Not to mention the basement just begging to be turned into a playroom. She didn't need a downstairs rec room, a 'man cave' as it were. Jim might though, but that was okay. There were plenty of rooms that could be his, or Sully's. As long as they didn't want the exercise room or the master bedroom. She was unselfish, but not saintly.

"Hey- why aren't we turning?" Sully peered out the rear window. "Dad, you're place is back there."

"We're having dinner at Ess's house, Sul."

"I am starving! Dad- they had this really weird noodly thing on the plane, but I didn't eat it."

"Yes, I figured you didn't eat the meal they served. Or else the six fruit roll-up wrappers and granola bar wrappers were just a warm up."

"And four bags of plane peanuts." The boy grinned smiled.

"God spare us, you're going to be sick." Jim groaned.

"I have Snoopy band aids!" Ess grabbed her purse and started digging through it.

"Not for stomachache, Love." Jim gently put her her hands back in her lap. Ess mouthed, "I knew that!"

"I'm not sick anyway!" Sully grinned. "I'm still hungry. Six hours is a long plane ride. Dad, how come it's only three hours later than when I left?"

"Sul, I explain this each time." Jim sighed.

"I know but it's so funny listening to you explain. I like when you do the voices."

"Voices?" Ess raised her brows.

"New York and Califordia, and the three time zones all have different voices." Sully bounced up in his seat, grabbing his father's shoulder.

"Oh, really?" Ess turned in her seat, fixing Jim with a wide eyed, faux fascinated gaze. "Do tell."

Jim sighed. "You just love to watch me make a fool of myself." Sully nodded happily. "Only for you, son." Jim cleared his throat and in a slow Southern drawl began his explanation of time zones. Ess didn't think she and Sully could actually hear any of the words after the first thirty seconds, due to the hysterical fits of giggles. But that didn't deter Jim in the least. The more his audience laughed, the worse his comical voices became. He stretched it out, making the story last all the way until they reached Ess's house in the quiet suburb.

"You live here _alone_?" Sully's eyes bugged out of his head. " This place is big enough for a jillion apartments!"

"Not that many. Four or five though." Ess admitted. The three stepped out of the car, and Jim became the middle of a Sully and Ess sandwich.

Sully was completely polite, just like Jim predicted. He wiped his feet stepping in the house, said thank you at every turn, and clung to his dad like he hadn't seen him in years. Ess tried to stay on the peripheral of things, not taking too much of Jim' attention, not putting any demands on either of them.

They ate the cheesy chicken bake (from the kid-friendly meals page of a cooking website) and carrots, all of which Sully liked and Ess gave herself another point on her imaginary "Proof that Sully likes me" board. She told the two of them to relax, play video games and just hang, she would take care of the dishes. Jim gave her a resounding kiss before heading down to the basement, and she gave her self another point, on the "good girlfriend" scoresheet as well.

Jim waited until they were well into a video game, his son nestled against his side, before bringing up the arrangements for the weekend. "Ess and I are going to make up a room for you here. This can be your playroom, okay?"

"Awesome." Sully stifled a yawn.

"Do you like Ess's house?"

"Yeah." Sully leaned forward, his tongue poking out in concentration.

"Better than my little apartment? Maybe?" Jim watched his son's eyes dart, and a smile rise and fall from his face. "You tell the truth, Sul. Daddy's okay with whatever you say."

"I like this place a lot. It's bigger. I want my sheets and stuffed animals though. And my Mickey Mouse radio from last summer. All my 'dad's house' stuff."

"What if we brought all of that here?"

"Are you going on a trip and leaving me with Ess?" Sully's voice took on a nervous edge.

"He-ck, no." Jim reigned in his mouth. "I was thinking we could all stay here together. If you like. Ess and I would like that, but it's up to you."

"Okay." Sully returned focus to the video game. Jim bit back a smile. That was his boy's big reaction. _"Okay", he says._ _After all the anxiety attacks Ess had given herself, and all the headaches I've had this week, trying to find the right blend of persuasion, options, support, and just good parenting. _There was no book in the world that could tell you how to blend homes and lives and look after the woman you love and the son you adored. So you agonize and you worry, and damn near give everyone in the house nightmares- and the boy says "Okay."

"Love you, Sul."

"I love you, too." Sully yawned again. Jim looked at the clock. 7:30 here equalled 10:30 on the East Coast. Way past his normal bed time in NYC.

"Did you sleep on the plane?"

"I don't know." Sully forced his face into hyper alertness, which of course didn't fool his father at all.

"All right, little man. You've had a busy day, and we need to go get your stuff if you wanna stay here."

"But I wanna play. Please, Dad, I just got here?" Sully whined.

"No, Sul, we don't have your stuff here. I thought you wanted you sheets and toys?"

"I have my bear! Ess had a bed with sheets, she showed me! Pleeeease?"

"You win, you win." Jim hugged his little one close, nuzzling the short brown hair. "Missed you, Sul."

"Missed you, Dad." Sully looked up adoringly at his father. "I wish I could come here every weekend."

"Long flight, little man." Jim scooped him into his lap, making him drop the controller.

"Da-ad!" Sully giggled as Jim began tickling him. "Dad! Stop, stop!"

Ess heard the little happy shrieks from the kitchen, where she was putting chocolate ice cream into bowls. She was tempted to ask them to come up, but instead she grabbed a handful of napkins and balanced the bowls on her arm and headed to the basement. "Chocolate ice cream!"

"You're the best, Baby." Jim rose, carrying Sully over his shoulder as the boy kicked and shouted with laughter. He kissed Ess full on the lips, then swung his son around, "Thank Ess, Sul."

"Thank you, Ess." Sully blew her a kiss and grabbed his bowl.

The three of them sat on the couch and ate, watched an episode of something on Cartoon Network, and then Jim started herding his boy up the stairs. Sully screeched and scooted up ahead of his dad. "We're gonna do stories and bedtime stuff." Jim called over his shoulder. He paused at the half way point of the steps and looked down at her. Cleaning up after them with a big bright smile on her face, her cheeks all pink with happiness. He had shared Sully with her. And it hadn't hurt. It hadn't blown up in his face- yet. He felt so at peace. _It's just the honeymoon phase, dude, don't get all wrapped up in it. Sul's on the line._

He walked up to the second floor, finding his son already unpacking his duffle bag in the guest bedroom farthest from their master suite. It had a full bathroom in it as well. He fast forwarded ahead and could see it being Sully's permanent room, the posters changing from cartoon action figures to punk metal bands, to college humor and pretty bathing suit models as he went from 6 to 16. He shook himself out of his reverie. _This isn't the time to float off. No pressure on the boy. No pressure on Ess. _

On the stairs, he'd wanted to ask Ess to come with them. Come share that special father-son ritual that had gone from an every night occurrence to a few-nights-a- year occurrence. Something he had always shared with Sully, even when he wasn't a single father, while Anna had a few minutes to herself. Liz hadn't been one to go in for the domesticities of child care. But he had always loved this part. Even as an infant, he had taken Sully into his crib, read him poetry or Shakespeare and those little annoying board books that had come to grow on him. No one had ever, ever, shared this experience with him and Sully.

That's why he had stopped. To invite her in would be something he couldn't share with someone new, not when he hadn't shared it with the two women he had loved most in the world. It scared him that he hadn't loved them as much as he loved Ess.

Plus there was Sully himself. You couldn't just shove someone new into a ritual that was six years old. Not without hurting the setup they had, the one they had barely maintained through the course of a bi-coastal custody arrangement.

"You start brushing your teeth, and I'll go get you a book."

"Okay. Can you bring me a night light?"

"Night light? A night light?" Jim smacked his head. "Hang on. You brush. And scrub that chocolate mustache off your face." He thundered down the stairs, hissing "Sweetie!"

"What's wrong?" Ess came trotting up to him.

"I forgot a night light, his is at my apartment."

"Uh- I'll grab the desk lamp in the study." Ess ran upstairs with him, into one of the smaller rooms and emerged with a little white lamp. "Here you go."

"Thanks, Baby." He kissed her swiftly and returned to the room, only to come back out and race to their bedroom to get a book to read for Sully. Unfortunately, he had only brought his own books this time. Those he had for Sully were in still in the apartment. "Here we go. Poems from Tennyson, Sul."

"Are there pictures?" Sully, in guitar pajamas, leaped on the bed and burrowed under the plush covers. "This bed is awesome, Dad. Can I jump on it?"

"Not right now. Maybe on special occasions." Jim laughed, laying on the bed beside his sleepy boy. He read a few poems before Sully drifted off. He eased out of the bed, shut off the lights and switched on the lamp. "Love you, Sul."

"Love you, Dad." Sully murmured sleepily. Jim crept from the room. "Dad? Where do you sleep?" Jim smiled and returned to the bedside.

"Last door at the end of the hallway. Just shout if you need me, okay?" He pressed a kiss to his son's forehead. He began to leave again, and Sully whispered his name again. "Right here, Bud."

"Are we going to look for a cat tomorrow?"

"Yep. And we'll go over and get your stuff and bring it here. But you need to sleep first."

"I can't."

"Why not?" Jim stroked the brown locks softly, wishing his own hair were its natural matching shade.

"I didn't say night to Ess." He snuggled into his pillow.

"I'll get her." Jim whispered. He walked calmly from the room, then practically leapt down the entire flight of stairs. _My heart is gonna burst, my heart is gonna float right up and out the top my head. My son wants to see her before he sleeps_. Dear God, he prayed in his head, you are doing brilliant things this week! Keep it up, Big Man. "Ess! Ess!"

Ess was kick boxing her way around the exercise room, and he dodged a flying roundhouse as he burst in, grabbing her in an exuberant hug.

"What? What now?" Ess spluttered.

"Sully told me he can't sleep- until he says goodnight to you." He gave her a shaky smile, emotions barely contained.

"Really?" She returned the same smile.

"Yeah, really. Go on up." Jim gave her an encouraging shove out the doorway.

Ess took a few steps and paused. "Come with me?"

"Of course, lover." He squeezed her shoulders and they walked out together. She hesitated once they reached the top of the stairs.

"What do I say?" Ess asked in trepidation.

"Good night, for a start." Jim said dryly. Ess nodded, and he watched her shake her arms out and roll her shoulders. About to perform. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" He grabbed onto the waistband of her yoga pants. "I hate to get bossy with you, Essie- but you are not going to go and _act out_ a good night with Sul. Just be you."

"But- I never had someone to tuck in before." She informed him, eyes wide. "What if I don't do it right?"

"You just be yourself! I loved the _real_ you. I think he will, too." He gave her a quick, but deep kiss for good luck and took her hand, walking in together.

"Ess?" Sully's voice was a mere burble in the halfway of sleep and wakefulness.

"Yep. Here I am." Like invisible hands were guiding her, she squatted, head close to his, eyes finding his in the dim light of the desk lamp. "Goodnight, Sully."

"Night, Ess. Thank you for having me over." Sully blinked dreamily. She hesitated, then swooped, planting a soft kiss on the top of his head.

"Thank you for coming. Sweet dreams." He looked up at her with a half smile, already sinking into slumber.

"Night, Dad." Sully mumbled, clutched his bear tighter, and fell asleep as Jim gave his shoulder a gentle pat.

The couple tiptoed out and down the stairs. Ess beelined for the exercise room, and Jim followed. She turned and pulled the door shut after him.

"Whooohooo!" Ess pulled Jim into an ebullient hug, gave him a series of high fives, and leapt into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Had a good time tonight?" Jim teased, struggling to find his footing after her loving onslaught.

"Oh my God! Yes! That is like the best natural high I have ever imagined! Maybe second best, because your orgasms are amazing. But anyway, I was saying something. Oh, right! Kids are so awesome. Especially yours. Well, he's the only one I have to go on, but I think I like this!" Ess was like a run away train and it only made him love her more. "Am I being silly?" The train slowed and stopped.

"No freaking way, Essie. Having love in your life is the best thing possible. And the love of a child is so special. So pure and unadulterated." Jim as speaking from somewhere inside himself, but not caring if Ess heard his musings. "They love you because they love you, they don't have any expectations of you- and you try to give them the best because you want them to_ know _you care for them. You want to give them that same love back." Jim suddenly felt a tear trail down his face, and he blushed slightly. "I miss it so bad, Essie. I live for the summers when I have him with me."

"I know I don't compare, but maybe I can help in the in between times?" Ess caressed his cheek, eyes welling up involuntarily.

"You don't compare. But you give me that same rush. That head rush, the all over body rush, of you loving me- just 'cause you love me."

* * *

Later that night...

"You're beautiful. Beautiful when you're loving me." He nuzzled her sweat laced neck.

"You're beautiful. So sexy. So sexy with your snarls and your smiles, and the way your blue eyes light up when you-" She paused and bit her lip. "When you love me."

They switched positions eventually, her riding him hard, the same rules applying, always looking, always talking, working each other into an oblivion of blazing pleasure, before falling asleep in a tangle of limbs.

The man, a white shadow in the dark, with his untanned skin and his almost white hair, rolled off of her, trying not to wake her, but she stirred and opened her eyes. "I'm putting on some sweats. In case Sul comes looking for me. Want me to get you a tee shirt?"

"Sure, thanks." The copper toned blonde slid into the shirt he tossed her, and then scooched over in the bed. He slid in beside her and kissed her ear lightly. "Good times?" She asked with a small smile.

"The best I've ever had. I mean that." He tightened his arms around her waist and spooned her against him.

"Me too." She whispered. There was comfortable silence as they started to drift off to sleep. James was drifting off when he heard the soft voice from the pillow beside him. "Jimmy?"

"Yeah, Baby?" Jim cuddled into her, his arms around her waist traveled up to cup her breasts.

"I hate sounding needy, you know that?"

"You never sound needy."

"But when I'm sleepy I say things I shouldn't." She confessed.

"Lay it on me, Sexy." He smiled sleepily against her shoulder. "You know I'm gonna be okay with it. You're my partner, my best friend, before anything else."

"I hope... you never leave." She was scared to say it. Her voice was just a breeze, a soft shaking past her lips.

"I-" He didn't know how she meant it. Marriage, just living together, an emotional commitment? "I wasn't planning on it." He finally responded.

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't mean to ask for so much. I told you this would happen when I talk in my half-sleep." She tried to make light.

He wouldn't let her."You didn't ask for too much. You didn't do anything to apologize for." He pulled her on to her back while he remained on his side. "Hey. Hey, look at me, Ess." Her eyes were bright even in the dark. "How about this? I won't leave- if you won't leave?" Her laugh was a short little burst, and then he felt her lips on him, warm and comforting.

"It's a deal."

* * *

_"Damn. Damn, soddin' soul!" Spike hurriedly wiped at his eyes. "Look a' me! Sobbin' like some nancy school boy."_

_ "You're not sobbing. A few manly tears is all." Buffy reassured. _

_ "Them, promisin' not to leave. It reminds me of you, Slayer. And the little boy. And- and a father's love. And- and I dunno! I shouldn't want something like that! Dammit! Why do I all the sudden want somethin' stupid, like a tyke to look after?"_

_ "I guess-" Buffy was cut off as her lover turned, his shadowy black duster swishing as he rounded on her. _

_ "You know why it is? _That _version of me has a kid. And he's a damn fine father! From what I can tell, that is. And _that _Buffy is gonna end up a stepmother and they'll be real family. A legal family. Without magicking a judge or getting Red to cast a glamour on me. We both had great mums! Your mum, Buffy! Joyce was one of the three greatest women I've ever met. And my mum- she would have taken you to her bosom in a heartbeat. We coulda given them grandkids to dandle on their knees and all that.. if things had been a bit different."_

_ "Spike, I think they know, and they're happy that we have each other. I bet- in heaven- that our moms are best friends. Maybe they sit up there, all white and sparkly with big shiny wings and talk about their little William and Buffy." Buffy's voice suddenly caught. "Wouldn't it have been nice if The Powers let us see them before we- came here?" But that only inflamed her pacing lover more._

_ "Yeah, that would have been nice, but probably only accessible to the properly and timely dead. Stupid, soddin' dimensions! Y'know, they should just pick one, and be done with it. I mean- why'd we need two sets of us? You're the best there is, and I- well, you like me how I am." Spike stomped his foot impotently on the "floor" of their vaporous nest and let out a roar of rage. Without even knowing it he slid into game face and back._

_ "Whoa." Buffy cast a curious glance at him. "I don't think this is just because there's a cute kid in that dimension, or you've got paternal instincts brewing. What's going on in there?"_

_ "You can read my thoughts. Take 'em for a spin, Luv." Spike collapsed back on the floor, a discontent sneer on his face._

_ "I- it's much harder when we're not all floaty-spirity." Buffy bit her lip. He looked at her, a cocked brow jutting in disbelief. "Okay, so I don't like to try and interpret your thoughts sometimes. I think you're way smarter than me. I never finished college. And you might try to talk all big and bad, but I know you have all this fancy education, plus a lot of traveling the world."_

_ "I'm not smarter, Luv. I'm just older. When we get home, you'll finish university and we'll travel as much as you like." Spike took her hand and pulled her down beside him. "I'm bein' a git. I'm sorry. An' I'm sorry I vamped."_

_ "Are- are you getting hungry up here?" Buffy asked worriedly. "I don't know how it works, being all half ghostly- but if I have blood, you're welcome to it."_

_ "You jus' keep amazin' me, Pet. That is, after your love, the sweetest thing you can offer me. But no, I'm not peckish. Just bloody irritated with our current predicament." He stroked her hair, winding it round his fingers and letting it slide through slowly. "You do know that bites don't hurt, don't _have _to hurt? I don't want you to be scared of our upcoming 'ceremony'." His eyes flickered up to hers, but they were closed, she was breathing hard, cupping her cheek into his palm._

_ "I- I didn't think you'd ask me to, if it would hurt." She kissed the deadened flesh and suddenly he could feel as if he were alive and whole again. "So what has my guy feeling so much angst?"_

_ "Just not fair, Luv. I know I said our sweetness would be the dessert after the bitter pill and this is one final test- but it's still bloody irritatin'. I mean-" He catapulted himself suddenly into a sitting position, facing her. "I mean- here they are, promisin' to be together, and bringin' a kid into it... What do you want, you Bastards?" He shouted suddenly at the heavens. "You said if they made the same choice as we did- are you waitin' for one of them to jump into a burin' building and the other to follow? Fuck it!" Spike slammed his fist so hard into the mist that a little blue spark jumped back at them. "Prolly shouldn't have done that. Sorry." He cast his eyes up, though his head was still bent. "Not wise to brass off the Powers. Stupid temper's always been a problem."_

_ "I wish I had answers for you. I just don't." Buffy curled herself in his lap, as she had so often done, letting him be the strength she needed. "All I know is I love you. And we'll be okay. I'm not leaving you, no matter what." They slowly pushed their heads together, so that their noses were tip to tip. _

_ That was when he saw it. Flecks of green. Flecks of green in what had only been shadow before. "Buffy!"_

_ "Your eyes!" Buffy grabbed the sides of his face and yanked his head up, ignoring the squawk of protest he emitted. "They have blue in them! They have blue in them, we have _color! _Oh my God, I'm so excited, you're not in black and white ant more!" _

_ "Your too, Pet! Little emerald chips shining through the gray!" Spike ran his thumbs lovingly over her eyelids, his fingers resting on her cheekbones. "Alright, you Almighty Wankers. Sorry I lost my rag. We're sittin' tight."_

* * *

To be continued...


	6. Chapter 6

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: Okay folks who are following along with this but eagerly waiting for me to get back to Unknown- fear not. This is the last chapter of Starting Over for the week, and I'm back from my travels so I have time to concentrate on the complexities of Unknown once again._

_Dedicated to Alexiarrose, Ginar369,Touch the Dark, Omslagspapper, Jewel74 and Illusera. You've no idea what your words mean to me._

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine.**_

**Part VI**

The platinum blonde flexed his muscles and grunted as he put the last box from Sully's room by the apartment's front door. It was surprising how much a kid could accumulate in two years of summer and weekends. The SUV was loaded and the room was bare. It seemed that Sully could share his father's "no-holds barred" attitude about moving in with Ess. "I want one more turn with my Game Boy in the 'partment," was the child's only request.

"Sure thing, Sul. I'm going to go check out my room and see if there is anything else I need to bring for me."

That was how Buffy and Spike's other halves ended up on the edge of a bed in a mostly emptied room while Sully fought off aliens on his game in the living room.

"You're sure you're okay with this?" Jim pulled out the remaining clothes from his closet, all but two pair of pants and two shirts from his closet and swung his guitar into its case.

"Positive." Ess smiled. She stroked his arm as he stuffed the remaining clothes into a suitcase. "Are _you_ sure?"

"Yes, I am." He said with unhurried conviction.

"Am I- am I doing good with Sully?" Ess asked hesitantly.

Jim tried to settle his face into an expression that would convey seriousness, but couldn't succeed. A hundred watt bulb an inch from your eye couldn't have matched the glow of his smile. "You are so amazingly good with him. Not all the basics, but you make him feel welcome, you give him time with me, and you're willing to do things with him, with us, as a family. It's just-more than I even hoped for."

"You said family." Ess bit her lip, her eyes shining suddenly.

Jim voice was suddenly low and husky as he ran his hands achingly up and down her back, pulling her close. "Did I? Must have seemed natural."

"You don't think we're rushing along?" Ess tried to keep the fear from her voice.

"Oh, I do. Completely rushed." His mouth found hers and plunged her into incoherent moans against his lips. Breaking the kiss, he smiled. "You should know by now you don't have to have blood ties to call someone family. Our cast has acted like a family for the past couple years. Family is people you love and who make up your life. There's no pressure, Essie. There'll never be any pressure from me."

"Just so happy you feel like this." She gasped out, then returned the kiss just as fervently. They were getting lost in the kisses. She could find it very easy to get seduced into forgetting there was a six year old waiting for a cat and spin around the playground a few feet away. This room had been one of the few places she had made love to Jim, and it was like her kryptonite. A safe haven, a private corner of the world where it was just the two of them.

"We should stop." Ess forced herself to mutter. "There's a small, impressionable child- who I want to like me- outside."

"I won't go farther than this." Jim whispered, and kept kissing her, dizzying her. "He'll let us know when he's ready. I only get a few days with him, Essie, but you and I are new. Can't pretend I don't want you all the time."

"Much needed balm to the battered ego." Ess laughed as his lips caressed her pulse point.

"Your ego should be big as the sun by now. Millions of people love you, think you're beautiful."

"They think_ Buffy_ is beautiful. I'm just an actress."

"No- well okay, some, but they also think you, Ess, are beautiful. They think you're talented, you make them forget she's not real. You have a gift, and I love it." Jim tangled his fingers in her hair. "Now, for ego boosting, what you do to me is beyond words." She wanted to argue with him. She knew about the stacks of mail, mail containing heated love letters, mail containing photos of beautiful girls, mail containing underwear, for God's sake, and she knew his ego didn't need a boost. "I know you, Essie, and you're thinking 'I'm America's most bad boy hottie.' Maybe. But that's the character. _Jim_ is thrilled he got the love the most beautiful, sweetest girl in the world."

" I'm out of battery! Can we go play now?" Sully called plaintively.

"My boy and his timing." Jim sighed, hand over his heart in mock sorrow. "Coming!"

The three of them went to the McDonald's closest to the now vacated apartment. No one gave them a second glance. Ess sort of suspected that was because Sully was with them. _We're a couple with a kid. And everyone who knows us probably doesn't equate the sci-fi couple of the year with a little boy and fast food on Saturday mornings._

"This is really nice." The sun drenched woman sighed, blissful contentment and realization in her voice.

"Not the Ritz, but the coffee isn't bad." Her paler counterpart agreed, hiding under the brim of his Chicago Bears cap. They sat at a table on the edge of the giant play set, watching dozens of squealing kids as they raced around, sliding, climbing, and jumping with abandon.

"No! _This_. Being out with you. Both of you. It's relaxing. And no one is taking our picture." Ess sipped her coffee and reached for his hand across the plastic table.

"Yet." Jim grunted, looking around suspiciously.

"Dad, come play, please!" Sully ran up to him and tugged his arm.

"Too tall, Sully." Jim said with a sigh, as if it were a frequently explained thing.

"See Ronald over here? I'm taller than he is. I can't be taller than his shoulder to go play."

Sully frowned and looked at Ess. "Ess, are you short enough?"

"I'm short, but not that short." She protested. "But I'm flattered you want me to play. I know! We could go home and swim instead."

Sully hesitated. "I'll go find some kids." he said, and Jim bit back a chuckle at Ess's disappointed look. "Can we swim tomorrow?" He asked as an afterthought.

"You bet!" She smiled, her face magically clearing.

While Sully was off playing with a set of twins he met, Ess and Jim started talking about "the cat". "You said a dog first. I got it bargained down to a cat." Jim reminded her.

"But- cats. I don't know if I'm a cat person. What if it pees on the rug?"

"We can go to a shelter and get a cat that's already housebroken."

"What if he wants a kitten?" Ess frowned. "Kittens are so cute... but I don't know anything about pets, I haven't had a pet in forever."

"Well, I have, and I'll teach you. But it's Sully I'm wondering about. We promised him a pet, but it has to be his responsibility. At least, whenever he's here. I need to ask him about it, if he's really ready to be that responsible."

Sully came over in about ten minutes, clamoring for chicken nuggets and orange juice. "We only had breakfast a couple hours ago." Jim looked at the clock. "They won't even have chicken nuggets yet. We'll get a snack at home when we drop off your things." Jim didn't like his son having even an occasional McDonald's meal. Fast food was the bane of human nutrition, in his mind. "Now, Sul. Before we go back out. Let's talk about the cat you want."

"Okay. Look, I have a list." Sully reached into the ever present backpack and pulled out two things that surprised his adult companions. A little book, one of those they give children just learning to read, called "My First Cat", and a handwritten list, with many misspelled words, of "all the things the book said you need." Sully proudly proclaimed.

Ess gave over and gave a soft "Awwww! How cute." Jim and Sully both looked at her with a "silly girl" roll of their matching bright blue eyes, and then went back to the list. "Mommy helped me make it. And she bought me the book." Sully flipped through the pages until he came to picture of kittens curled up around a catnip toy. "I want one like this." He pointed to a pretty little striped tabby.

Jim smiled. His ex might have given him hell- and he probably deserved it, but she was a really good mother to Sully. He might complain about the cursing in traffic or leaving him with stupid sitters, for keeping him on the other side of the country for eighty percent of the year, but he still thought of her fondly. She was the first one he had loved with all of himself- or what he thought was all of himself. He looked guiltily at Ess. _Shouldn't have those thoughts now, I'm with the one I want. Never even knew you could want someone as much as I want her. _Jim seized her hand and pulled her to her feet. "Alright then. Let's unload the car and go get us a kitty."

* * *

"You are worse than the six year old." Jim griped, many hours later, as he carried in bulging bags from the pet store.

Ess, carrying a silky gray half-grown kitten in the crook of her arm, fixed him with a big, pleading stare. "But he would have been the only one left..."

"Yeah, Dad. Now mine has someone to play with when I'm away." Sully, carrying a much littler black and brown tabby, took her side.

"Oh..." The beleaguered man sighed. He wasn't able to keep up the grinch act much longer. He liked watching Ess turn from dreading the mess of one small animal into the adoption center champion, proclaiming that the six month old kitten needed love just as much as Sully's eight week-old kitten. The way her sense of justice came out and her unwillingness to leave one small animal on its own. Then his boy, looking at his kitten in a mixture of love and delight, the first time he had something purely his own, to love him back." Okay! I cave! They're adorable! The pair of you with your new pets... What are you naming them, Sul?" Jim reached over and stroked the wide-eyed mouser with one finger.

"I only get to name this one. The gray one is yours and Ess's." Sully said generously.

Ess led the way to the enclosed sunroom off the kitchen. There were way fewer upholstered items in this room than any other, and it would be the kittens' designated place until they were declawed or learned better than to shred the furniture.

"How about Spike?" Ess giggled as Jim set down the bags, and she and Sully set down their pets.

"No!" shouted Jim. "Absolutely not!"

* * *

_"Oh thank bloody God." Spike muttered fervently. "Namin' a kitten, a half grown little bit of a kitten after me!" Spike agitatedly reached into his duster, looking for, and not finding, a cigarette. He looked disgusted with himself, muttering "I'll be a non-smoker by the time I get out."_

_ "You don't like kittens? You call me kitten all the time." Buffy pouted._

_ "Well, I wouldn't have been freakin' out on you, Luv, if they'd named it Buffy. But _Spike_, I ask you. I definitely got the brighter girl."_

_ "I take it you don't want pets then?" Buffy sounded relieved._

_ "If you want it, Luv, I'll get you a bleedin' zoo. But you're the only Pet for me." She blushed, even though she knew it was corny. "Aside from which, an' no offense, Sweetling, but takin' care of Niblet and any leftover mini-slayers seems like a big enough responsibility without adding the four legged friends."_

_ "Dawn, yes, but the rest of them- they all need to go back to their own lives. Be normal for as long as possible, get a Watcher, and learn the job. I am so done being Teacher Buffy. Maybe Faith and Wood will handle their training. But not me. Not us. We've made a number of world-savey sacrifices lately and I'm all worn out."_

_ Spike pulled her astride his hips, laying back and looking up at her worshipfully. "As you say, Pet. You and I will be terribly, terribly busy once we get back." His hands trailed down the seams of her pants, the pants that they'd taken off a hundred times in the last two weeks of semi-solidity, but that always found themselves pasted back on the instant they were done their physical pleasures. "You bein' a new bride, an' all."_

_ "New bride." Buffy blushed, suddenly innocent and shy. "Never thought I'd be a bride. Never. Only the time Willow cast that spell."_

_ "We were meant to be, Luv. I was the only one you ever thought of tying the knot with, and that's who you'll end up walking down the aisle with." Spike's smile turned into a snarl as she caressed him, digging past his zippered jeans to retrieve his hardness with her angelic fingers._

_ "Don't get too full of yourself." She teased._

_ "I won't. I have better things to make full." He yanked her slender legs free from their cloth prisons and pulled her top off next. "Silly bloody outfit. You'd think, as often as I rip these soddin' clothes off, they'd have the sense to stay off." Spike grumbled._

_ "If I weren't so about the whole 'united for all eternity with my heart's true love', I'd be pretty annoyed about wearing the same outfit every day." She admitted with a grin. "I'm going shopping as soon as we have our family reunion. We need formal wear for one thing." Spike groaned and closed his eyes, but a soft smile played on his lips. He wouldn't mind the formal wear at all, not for her._

_ "You need some silky nightwear as well. Unless you want to forgo the lingerie. I prefer you in nothing, you know." His hands raked from her shoulders to her hips, imagining he could still feel the pure satin of her skin, not just this half-imitation._

_ "Lingerie?" Buffy's throat tightened. She had never made herself beautiful for him, never tried to seduce him with a sexy outfit. She was his definition of beauty, his definition of desirable. Was he suddenly craving something different? The burning hunger in his gaze allayed_ that_ worry._

_ "I'm sorry if that came out badly, Luv. I just thought birds went into the silk an' lace mode when they shopped for their honeymoon and wedding night."_

_ "H-Honeymoon? Honeymoon?" Buffy's awed voice quickly turned into a hard laugh. Their hands stopped the eager explorations they were having. "We can't take a honeymoon!"_

_ "An' why not? We saved the freakin' world! We can take two weeks off to consummate bein' man and wife, Slayer and Champion, and Mated Couple." Spike's voice was fierce and brooked no argument._

_ "But Dawn-" Buffy protested._

_ "Will have two weeks of relative peace with Red and Xander, or Giles more likely, and when we come back, she'll have a brand new brother-in-law." Spike's face would split in half if he stretched his smile any wider._

_ "You want to be considered a brother-in-law?" Buffy couldn't have been more surprised if he had said he wanted to be considered her homeroom mother. _

_ He glowered at her disbelief. "Do I want to be legally considered a relative of Bit's? Your kid sister who damn near became _my_ kid sister when- you were gone?" He stumbled over the last words. "Yes. I do. Don't care if brother-in-law is some human stereotype of a moocher who's always hangin' round for supper, or the drunk at the holiday parties. I want to be in your life, and I want to be in your family, includin' viewing Dawn as my little sis."_

_ "You never stop amazing me." Buffy whispered softly. _

_ "Yeah, well. I'm good like that." He nuzzled her softly as she came to rest on his chest, and then he easily rolled over on her, their last vestiges of clothing gone in a tender moment. "Mine. God yes, all mine, my beautiful one. My Slayer, my Buffy."_

_ "My Champion, my Spike." she entreated, kissing him, kissing him until he would melt with the heat he remembered, even if it wasn't there in this realm. He laughed smugly at the raw want in her eyes, not that he would tease her and withhold anything from her- but she still had to play him. It was part of the game. Be friends, be fighters, spar, jibe, joke, tear down, build up- and above all, love._

_ "You're thinkin' somethin',Pet, not exactly sure what you're getting at." Spike's irritating habit of sensing, if not outright reading, her thoughts came into play._

_ "Not two weeks. One. And then if things go okay, the world doesn't end while we're gone, we'll take a second honeymoon later in the year. Okay?" He prepared to protest and another genuine concern made her interrupt. "Hey! Where are we even going to go?"_

_ "Norway or Iceland." Spike grinned, pleased with himself._

_ "How about a big 'no'? Buffy laughed at him. "Why in the world-"_

_ "Because it's night there more of the time." Spike replied softly. "Guess that was selfish, huh? I mean, I don't even wanna go to the soddin' place. It's so cold for one thing."_

_ "Oh, Baby." Buffy moaned, contrite. "I'll never learn. I'm so afraid I'll always see the truth after it's too late. That's a beautiful idea. So we can spend more time together without worrying about the sunlight."_

_ "No, it's a stupid idea. But I've got a better one. We'll got to New York, or New Orleans, or Paris. One of the places where we can be nocturnal." He gave her a throughly wicked grin. "We'll make love and sleep all day, an' at night I'll take you round the town and show off my girl." Spike's idea met with instant enamor in her eyes. They both relaxed for a moment, caressing in their silence, the ever present silence of the void no longer a bother when they had this sense of hope and contentment swaddling them. _

_ "You really want to do all those couple-y things with me?"Buffy smiled weakly._

_ "Always have. You know that. You know I wanted all of you." Spike reminded her gently, not trying to rub salt in the wound._

_ "I was the one who was ashamed. Ha. You will be so surprised, Spike. When we get home- I'll make it up. I'll be the most unashame-y girl you ever saw. We're going to hold hands wherever we go, and go out on dates, and shop together and have dinner parties-"_

_ "I'm beginnin' to regret my earlier statement..." Spike complained. Buffy bit his shoulder hard. "Hey!"_

_ "No weaseling out of it. You're going to be mine, Mister. All of you, all the time. I'm never, ever going to get tired of showing you off." The big smile slowly faded from her face as she looked at him. Finding her delight mirrored in his eyes only drove the truth home deeper. He had wanted to be like this all the time. She was the one who had spurned him. "And maybe someday, you'll forgive me for how I-"_

_ "Stop. Not one more word." Spike's voice went from soft and teasing to threatening in a split second. And just as quickly back to loving and soothing. "You know we've already forgiven each other enough for a life time. And with our lives, we'll probably have many more chances to say sorry in the future. But from now on- you don't apologize for anything. Not. .Thing. That happened in the past." He was firm, and even though she would never be docile or back away from a challenge, she agreed with him. She nodded and pressed her mouth to his. "That's a much better use for your mouth." Spike brushed his lips across hers again._

_ "I love you." She hugged him tight. _

_ "I love you. Christ, Luv. I love you more than anything or anyone that ever existed."_

* * *

"Can Ess, Stripes, and Mist come tuck me in?" Sully was lying on the floor, two kittens battling over toys made of strings and feathers in front of his outstretched arms. He looked hopefully at his father, who blinked.

"Sure." His father bit back a reflective sigh. _How fast things change._ Ess's smile, like a slit of pure sunshine, was enough to knock the fatherly possessiveness out of him- at least temporarily. "Go brush your teeth and pick out a story. I put all the books upstairs in your room." That was a strange thing, his son having a room in her house. "We'll go to a furniture store and get you some shelves tomorrow. If that's okay?" He looked at Ess.

"Mi casa es su casa." She replied easily.

"What?" Sully looked confused.

"It means my house is your house." Ess explained. "In Spanish."

"I can count to ten in Spanish!" Sully chimed in, picking up both cats, tucking one under each arm in a football hold. Jim had to laugh.

"Sully, you're choking poor Mist." He pointed out the cat's bug-eyed expression. Sully repositioned the cat, which mewed softly in annoyance, and then trotted up the stairs.

About half an hour later the couple were going through their routines in the exercise room. They had read _Where the Wild Things Are _to Sully, who had fallen asleep hugging the kittens to his chest like a bouquet of flowers. Jim was oddly quiet. Ess felt the need to break the silence. "Those cats are really tolerant, aren't they?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah they are." Jim answered distractedly. He ran his fingers through his hair, raking it into sweaty curls. Ess bit back a lusty moan.

"Do you think it's okay to leave them up there? I mean- cat accidents..."

"I'll bring them down and put them on the porch in a bit." Jim answered quickly.

"I had fun today." She tried one more gambit.

"Me, too." He gave her a broad, genuine smile. It took a moment for the smile to travel to his eyes, but when it did, it burst into the blue orbs with ferocity.

"Oh, good." The woman smiled in relief. "I thought something was wrong."

"No, Hon. Nothing wrong. Something right. New to me though." The actor finished one last crunch and pulled his knees to his chest, elbow propping up his head. He gave her a crooked smile. "That's the first time Sully ever asked-" He paused. It wasn't really all about Sully, the strangeness he felt. "It's the first time _I've_ ever had someone else to come with me to put him to bed."

"But last night-"

"That was special. The fact that he wanted you to come say goodnight to him was incredibly special. Even with Anna, when we were together, he kissed her goodnight before going to his Liz, he said goodnight in the living room, or the kitchen, and walked off."

"So... did I do something wrong?" She asked in a puzzled voice, her lower lip starting to curl between her teeth. Jim didn't answer right away, he was slowly getting to his feet.

"You did something perfect." He laughed softly to himself. "I'm the one adjusting." He squatted in front of her, where she was doing her stretches on the mat. "Let me tell you something. Even when Sully was an infant, I put him to bed. I have always done it, diaper on, lullaby on, mobile on, then when he was older- use the toilet, brush your teeth, choose a book, sang him a song sometimes, kissed him goodnight. Just the two of us."

"I didn't realize-" Ess began and his lips effectively silenced her.

"Letting you in with me was something I never imagined. But it feels right with you. I don't mind sharing him. With _you_." His fingers caressed her cheek. "Maybe since we already share so much, I don't know. Maybe 'cause I trust you not to mess this up, 'cause I trust _myself _ not to mess this up. You know I'm determined to keep you, don't you?"

"Yes." Her eyes suddenly teared up and spilled. "Sorry." She swiped her eyes under the guise of pushing back her hair, even though she knew her partner could see right through that. "You say really beautiful things, Babe. I'm glad you let me in. Glad your son likes me. So beyond glad that you want to keep me, because I want to be yours. Maybe that sounds very retro and anti-feminist, but-"

"It sounds wonderful to me." Jim cut her off. "I don't like trying to force things into molds. We're just us. Maybe a little unconventional, but happy."

"You know what we need?" Ess broke the warm silence that descended on them. "We need some hot tea and big blanket and curl up on the couch."

"I have a better idea. I'll see your cup of hot tea, and raise you a bubble bath in the master suite." Jim playfully wrapped his arms around her waist and nipped her ear.

"You know I like when you do that?" Ess beamed up at him. He nipped her ear again. "No, not that, well, yes that, but also I liked how you suggested we go do something, and you didn't ask me if it was okay. 'Cause I don't want this to be my house. I want it to be _our_ _home_." Ess strangled on the words, though she meant them. She just couldn't believe that in a few weeks she could go from destroying a relationship that was unhealthy to falling into a relationship that was so strong and wonderful.

"Don't tempt me, Essie. You'll come home to crushed beer cans and a bunch of guys jamming out in the basement."

"And I'll kick your ivory behind if you don't clean up the mess." She shrugged with a naughty grin. He spread his hands.

"You got me. I always clean up my wild parties." He rolled his eyes. "I'll make the tea, you go up and relax."

"I'll get the kitties." Ess volunteered. _And I'll turn on the jacuzzi_.

* * *

The next morning...

When Jim woke, he felt a thick pulse of sadness wash over him. It only took him a split second to identify the feeling. _Sully's going home today._

"We better make this day last." The soft voice beside him was somewhat bleak.

"I said it out loud?" He rolled over to face her.

"No. But I feel it." She curled up in his arms. "Let's spend the whole day doing fun things."

"But he'll wanna play with the kittens. Poor little guy. I don't think he realizes how hard it'll be to leave them."

"He'll be back soon." Ess rubbed his back comfortingly.

"Not soon enough." Jim smiled sadly, but his lips soon curled as his tongue shivered over his perfect teeth. "At least now I have a distraction..." His hands raked over her, pulling her from her side, to her back. "It's early. I've got time to for a distraction, if you're inclined."

"Oh yes, Baby, distract me hard." Ess groaned.

* * *

They spent the day swimming in the pool and playing with kittens. They ran out for an hour, just nipped into the local Kids'R'Us and let Sully pick out some book shelves. Ess was talking about redecorating Sully's room once he came out for the summer and they had more time.

Jim dyed his hair in his weekly ritual for the part of Spike, and Sully called his mom. Ess was dreading the phone call telling her what time she had to be there for afternoon filming. Please let it be late, please let it be late, she begged inside her head. As if on cue, her cell phone rang. Dammit, she cursed internally, then returned to her silent begging.

"Hello." She sighed as she forced herself to answer.

"Four o'clock. But we're filming at the Santa Monica location."

_Never enough time. _She hung up the phone with a murmured "I'll be there.", feeling as though her work, which she usually loved, since she loved to act and loved her cast like family, was now some painful task. She didn't realize she had two sets of emotions pushing her to crave closeness with these two men in her life, to be more and more together, become_ real _family in action as well as in heart.

"That was the boss man. I have to meet them at the studio at three, and I think we're driving out to Santa Monica to film the scene with the demonic temple. And probably the woods to do the scene with Willow and Warren." She called to her platinum lover, who was video gaming with his son in the basement. She quick stepped down the stairs and met them heading up, Mario frozen in mid air on the screen, video controllers abandoned on the floor.

"You're not coming to put me on the plane?"

"I have to work." Ess said, overwhelmed with guilt. "I'm so sorry."

"Your flight leaves at 3:45 anyway," Jim reminded them both, forcing his face to smile with an ease he didn't feel. Ess again marveled at his acting skill. "We'll stop and get an ice cream, all right, Sul?"

"Okay." Sully crept closer to his dad, wrapping his arm around his waist. "I don't want to go home yet."

"We don't want you to go either, Buddy." He sank to his haunches and kissed the upturned brow, the mask dropped, the fatherly concern resurfacing.

"Why can't you work in New York?" Sully demanded, an edge coming to his voice.

"They don't have a job for me there. Not right now." Jim muttered, feeling like a heel. "But listen. In just two weeks, you'll be here for weeks and weeks. And maybe I can convince Mommy to let you stay right up until school starts, instead of going home the last day of August."

"Okay." Sully sniffled, again hugging his dad, and then, shocking her, turning and hugging Ess as well, hard around her middle.

Ess didn't know how she knew to work it out, this group hug was unlike any she had had previously. Her group hugs involved tearful or alcohol soaked friends and co-workers, all of her size or bigger. Sliding to her knees, she looped an arm around Jim's waist and Sully's shoulders, feeling Jim's arms circling them in the same fashion, while Sully just clutched at them.

They hugged for a long time, the squirmy six year old of Friday and Saturday suddenly replaced by a subdued version of himself. At last, Jim broke them apart, gently easing out. "We could sit like this for another few hours, Sul, or we could challenge Ess to another swimming pool race. What do you want?"

"Races!" Sully perked up. "Do you think Stripes and Mist can swim?"

"No, and I think it would be mean to try and find out." Ess laughed. "Cats don't like water."

* * *

At 2:30, Ess was dressed in a casual and easy to get out of outfit, and her boys were seeing her off. Not the way I pictured it, she thought. _Not to mention I totally didn't picture thinking of Sully as one of "my" anything. He's supposed to be Jimmy's. And now I feel miserable because I'm not going to put him on the plane. I feel like a bad parent. Well, that's a laugh. I'm _not_ a parent. I'm totally too young for parenting. _

Her heart disagreed with her head apparently. She bent to look at him. "Bye, Sully. I'll see you soon. Just another couple weeks. Here-" She gave him a post-it note. "That's my cell phone number and our house number. You can call if you ever want to."

"Thanks." Sully carefully put the paper in his pocket, and Jim reached out and caressed the back of her neck with his strong fingers.

"I- I better go. I'll call you when we're done filming." She turned to Jim and kissed him goodbye.

"Alright, Sweetheart. Have a good time. Tell the guys I said hey." His grip tightened on her, and then on Sully. It felt so wonderful, having both of these people beside him. But in a few hours he'd be on his own. They'll come back, Jim, no need to get melodramatic, he reminded himself sternly.

"Bye, Ess." Sully launched himself up the petite woman, and her breath rushed out as he crushed her in a hug, and his skull colliding forcefully with her windpipe.

"Bye!" She choked out, watching Jim dissolve into laughter as his son hung on her like a koala. Then he let go and dropped to the ground with a huge smile.

"I'm going to call Stripes and Mist every day. And you, too." He laughed with her as she laughed, and emboldened by his embrace, she bent and gave him a hug as well, not nearly as violent, but nonetheless meaningful.

"I'll miss you." She kissed the top of his head, and kissed Jim again, and finally forced herself into the car. She made it all the way down the drive before she began to feel tears making a salty track down her nose.

* * *

Ess pulled up to the house about ten. Her casual clothes stuck to her where she had sweat during the fight scene, and mud and fake dirt still made fine lines on her hands and forehead. The trouble with on location shoots was that it took forever and there usually weren't showers unless you wanted to use the "bagged shower" in the makeup trailer, which she did not.

It was a comforting sight to see the lights blazing, and see Jim waiting, leaning in the crook of the door, a craggy, mouthwatering silhouette, and that sexy grin.

"Glad you're home, Baby." He said. "The kittens and I missed you."

"I missed you too. Did Sul call?" Ess staved off his kisses, pointing to her dirt streaked face. He shook his head and captured her lips anyway.

"Yeah, he called me first, and then he was calling his mother. He's fine. Sleepy. Misses the cats. Probably worried his escorting flight attendant, he wanted me to hold the phone up so he could 'meow goodnight'."

"He's so adorable. And I think he likes me."

"Oh, he does." Jim smiled knowingly. "We had a nice long talk about you while waiting to get boarded. He's got our whole summer mapped out and you were conveniently in every activity."

"You aren't jealous are you?" She asked worriedly, pulling her hair out of it's windswept pony tail, sending a cascade of fine dust to the floor.

"Thrilled is more like it." Jim picked her up. "Let's go get you cleaned and ravished."

"Cleaned and ravished? Is that a new part of my personal care routine?" She giggled, letting him swirl her around.

"Yes. Two showers and at least one ravishing every day. Gives you shiny hair." He said with mock seriousness. Her cell phone rang just as she got her hands up under his shirt, and she pulled back with a squeal. "What? What?"

"Maybe it's Sully!" Ess dumped her purse upside down on the table unceremoniously and grabbed her phone. "It is!"

"Hi Ess!" The voice sounded sleepy but happy. "I got here safe and Mom is picking me up at the luggage wheel." Ess quickly bit back a laugh as she translated that to baggage carousel. No teasing the jet-lagged kid.

"I'm glad you're safe. Was it a good flight?"

"Uh huh. Oh, there's Mom! Bye Ess, love you!"

Jim watched her as she whispered "Bye". Sully was obviously off the phone by now, but Ess stood in a wistful mesmer, as if the phone had cast a spell on her.

"Honey?"

"He said 'Love you'. Just like that." Ess gaped at him.

"He did?" Jim bit the inside of his cheek. "Sully never said that to Liz. Not in two solid years, Essie. You're special." In his mind he added, "You're the one."

* * *

Jim had a whirlwind of interviews and late night talk shows, now that he was done filming. The rest of the final episode was filmed in that week, they all had a few days off, and Sunday was the big gala end of season party at the Four Seasons. Jim made a big deal out of greeting Ess at the door of her dressing room on Wednesday, acting like a bashful high school student. "Hi Honey, what are you doing here? I thought you had an interview with_ People_ today? Or was it _GQ_?"

"It was _Teen People,_ and bloody annoying as well." He slipped out of his bashful pose, and then quickly returned to it, head down, and his hand rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes sought hers, looking up from under raised brows. "Big party on Sunday."

"I know. Really press heavy. The boss wants us to dress semi-in-character. He said so just now."

"Will you go with me?" Jim asked.

Ess started to laugh. You goof, we already planned to arrive together in a limo, I called yesterday, was what she wanted to say. And then she got it. He was asking her out. On a _date_. An official date, as her boyfriend. "I'd love to." She suddenly looked just as shy.

"There are going to be a ton of photographers. Plus everyone we work with..." He cautioned her.

"Pick me up at 6:30?"

"I'll buy you a corsage if you'd like." He teased.

"Please don't." She laughed.

* * *

_"I hope this goes okay for them..." Buffy clutched Spike's arm as they lay, face down, peering over a long black limo and the couple inside it._

_ "What's to go wrong? Rich people, actor types, posh place, no oogly-booglies." Spike patted her hand comfortingly._

_ "But," Buffy bit her thumb in anxiety. "it's not like everyone wants them to be together. They work together, and they left other people to be with each other. He's older than her..."_

_ "All fairly human things, Luv." He looked at her sideways. "You're thinkin' of us, Pet. Worried about your friends' reactions?" His non existent breath caught. If it mattered, if she couldn't take the rejection, the critical looks- was it over? No, it'd never be over. It'd be hidden. A shadowy circle doomed to repeat, but he didn't care. He wasn't going to leave her if there was any love between them, no matter how small or dark._

_ "You keep forgetting I can get your vibes." Buffy stuck her dainty foot out and kicked him hard enough to bruise- if he hadn't already been gray. "I'm worried, but you KNOW I am not stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. Well, not after all this, anyway. Remember? I'm unashamed girl, now. We're going to be that couple that people yell at to get a room. We're going to be the ones that still dirty dance at their 50th wedding anniversary. And thanks to our impending claim-age, we'll still look pretty damn hot doing it."_

_ Spike laughed and cuddled her under his outstretched arm. "I get the point. Damn, look at all those stupid bints with the microphones and the cameras. Our other halves get a bloody royal welcome for dancin' about a stage, and you save the world more times than I can count and get to earn minimum wage."_

_ "It's cool, Spike. Unfair, but cool. I'm glad at least one of me is getting some recognition. Look, there they are!"_

* * *

At the banquet, cameras flashed, gossip flew. Questions bombarded them on the way into the ballroom. "Are you two here together?"

Jim, "dressing the part" in a blood red shirt and slicked back hair, tightened his arm on Ess's waist, snug in a low cut black dress. "Looks like it."

"This is a surprise! You were both linked to other actors or actresses, respectively Matthew-"

"Hey, hey! Enough dating talk." The petite actress pouted at the reporters. Jim tensed beside her, uncertain what her reaction would be in light of that comment. "You're upsetting my boyfriend." She turned to him and with that chemistry created over long hours on the set, and now something beyond an "act", pulled each other close for a real kiss, a full kiss, on the mouth. When she was released, Essie clarified to the crowd."Yeah._ Boyfriend_. We're late though, so if you want more photos, you'd better have an invite, and we'll see you on the inside."

They walked in, giggling, triumphant. Unbeknownst to the pair, the front of hotel footage was live broadcasting into the reception area, on a few second delay. "We're here!" The stars of the show called, laughing. Their friends, their work family, were standing in the doorway, eyes riveted to the screen, mouths and eyes wide. "What's going-" She slowly pivoted to the screen- watching their kiss being broadcast, seemingly endlessly.

It was her on stage big brother who broke the silence, calling across the room to the laughing British actor who portrayed Giles. "Dude! You owe me a twenty!" He pointed an accusatory finger at the blondes who'd just walked in.

"Are you kiddin'? No one took that bet! Cheers, you two!"

Essie and Jim smiled at each other. "Not many first dates start with a round of applause." He winked.

"Mmm, can't wait to see how it ends, too."

* * *

The music swelled and couples ate and danced, with their chosen partners, their friends, their friends' partners. For Ess and Jim, this was a proper date, a first night out. Ess sighed on his shoulder, and snuggled in deeper. Couples left one, by one, until only they were left. "We should go. It's late. Or early, if you're counting this as Monday."

"You're right. Let's go." Jim swelled with nerves, and steered her from the front door, turning to the lobby. "Hi. I have a reservation." He handed the concierge his ID.

"Yes, sir, your driver checked you in already. Your luggage is upstairs." The clerk gave Jim a key.

"Luggage? Jim- huh?" Ess looked at him shiny-eyed and puzzled.

"Come on." He gently led her by the elbow to the elevator. "I'll explain." He took in a lungful of air, released it and began. "You deserve the best first date a girl could have. And if it were our real first date, as in first time spending time alone- I probably would have skipped the hotel, and stuck to dinner and dancing."

"But we've lived together for almost a month." Ess prompted.

"Exactly. So I had to up the ante. A night away at a beautiful hotel suite is just what you deserve." The elevator dinged at one of the higher floors, and they exited. "The Luxury Suite. It's not the biggest or most expensive, but I figured we wouldn't be doing a lot in here. Not a lot that requires tons of extra rooms and amenities."

"But my clothes, I can't walk out tomorrow afternoon in a cocktail dress!" Ess kicked herself for saying something negative but practical, instead of silly but romantic.

"I packed a bag for you. And for me. I had all my calls redirected to your house number and then to my cell phone. I fed Stripes and Mist before we left and we'll be home early tomorrow afternoon. I just wanted to prove how much you- that I know how much you deserve the best." He took her hands and pulled her in for a kiss. "If you don't like it, we can leave. I sent the driver home and told him no need to return, but the hotel has a car service."

"Are you kidding me? No way! This is beautiful." Ess spread her arms and took in the view, a panoramic one from a wraparound balcony. She stepped outside and looked at the moon, somehow managing to fight its way past the smog and the skyline and shine on her and her lover. "This is the best surprise, Baby. The nicest gift."

"You don't have to humor me, Essie. I know you've stayed in some amazing hotels." Jim nibbled her shoulder, daring to reach up the short dress and find her lace clad bottom.

"Yeah- but this is the nicest. Know why?" She rocked her soft cheeks into his hands.

"You're going to tell me, aren't you?" He wrapped one strong arm around her waist and walked her backward into the room.

"Because I'm with you. Because you know I'd stay with you anyway, but you still went out of your way to surprise me. Because you made a big deal out of our first date and you know how to give a sweet surprise. But mainly- cause I love you."

"I love you, too." Jim stroked her hair, one of his slender fingers brushing her dewey lips. "I want to show you. Let me show you."

* * *

_ "He's not such a bad bloke, I s'pose." Spike drawled lazily._

_ "He's amazing!" Buffy retorted. Spike let out a low growl at the affection in her voice. "Oh stop! Seriously? Jealous of your other half, that I admire him? Don't _you _admire him?"_

_ "He's got some rugged good looks, I'll admit." Spike gave her a half-evil grin, stroking his own identical face. "Fine, yeah, I admire him. He's lookin' after her. He's doin' me proud with the lookin' after, actually. An' he's a damn fine father, he's kind to animals- and he works hard. I'd work hard for you, Slayer, you know that, don't you?" He clutched her to his chest, speaking into her hair, a low rumble in his throat. "I know you can handle yourself, but I'm goin' to protect you. I'm going to see you never want for anything I can give you, and even the things I can't. And the Niblet, too."_

_ "I know. I know, I feel so safe with you." Buffy squeezed herself deeper into the hollow of his muscular chest, burying her face against him. "I admire that about Ess. She knows how to accept love. I wish I-"_

_ Spike shook her shoulders forcefully. "No! Not again with this sad song, Luv. We made mistakes. But they're done now." Buffy's chin had a defiant set to it, so he tacked on, "And nothin' against you, Pet, but I agree. I like seein' our love work out so well there." _

_ "She's really good at making him happy. I know she worries about it, but she's so good with kids, too." Buffy sounded covetous and wistful._

_ "She doesn't have a damn thing on you in the making me happy department. And as for the tykes, we don't lead kid friendly lives. Up to this point." Spike added hastily, lest she think he had suddenly stopped wanting children, impossible though they might be to get. He didn't think they had a snowball's chance in hell of having one, but he did _want_ it. "Someday you'll get to spend a bit of time with children and you'll feel the same things she does. You may not know it, Luv, but you'd be a natural."_

_ "You always give me so much confidence." Buffy exclaimed, nuzzling close to him, looking up at the face she now saw every time she closed her eyes._

_ "I like my girl to have confidence." He grinned. A light started to rise in his eyes, naughty, loving, mirthful all at once. He cocked his head downwards, where the could see their other halves laughing as they fell to the bed, clothes shedding as they wrestled playfully._

_ "You seriously don't want to watch them again, do you?" She cried. "I'm afraid you're going to develop some sort of voyeur complex, Spike."_

_ "Not likely." He snorted. "Just mullin' over an idea is all. What d'you reckon would happen if we were doin' what they're doin'- at the same time?"_

_ "I-I don't think anything would happen. We're not really connected. Not physically." Buffy blushed and stammered, but already felt a heat start to seep into her middle._

_ "Ah. See, that's where you're lying though. You know they're connected. And they're our key to getting home. An' I'm thinkin' maybe if we were similarly engaged, they'd feel a bit of what we feel-" His voice dropped to a lower register, husky and possessive, his hands claiming her sweet chest, "and we might all get home a damn sight sooner." Her hands clenched his wrists, and he twisted her suddenly underneath him, a passionate growl reverberating through the nothingness. "If not, we'll have a bloody good time tryin'."_

To Be Continued...


	7. Chapter 7

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: Smut warning!_

_Dedicated to Alexiarrose, Ginar369,Touch the Dark, Omslagspapper, Jewel74, Illusera, SwoonforSirius, and Els. Thank you for encouraging words._

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine.**_

**Part VII**

"Did you put in sunscreen?" The voice of Buffy's human representative shouted from the garage.

"Yeah! SPF 150, specially designed for those of us with vampire pallor!" Spike's other half shouted back. "You know his flight was delayed, don't you? Anna called me, remember?"

"But I want to be there when he gets off the plane!" Ess remerged from the garage, holding a beach bag, her hair in a bun, her legs in cut off shorts and flip flops. Jim looked positively bitable, wearing a blue ribbed tank top and board shorts, also in flip flops. "I keep forgetting how hot you look without sleeves." Ess panted.

"You do realize we're at our six week mark, right? Shouldn't you be tired of my body by now?" He teased her.

"Uh- _no_. Idiot!" She pinched his arm as he walked past her. He cringed and she laughed.

"Easy, now! The ex just about tore me a new one for making her agree to send Sul out the day his school ended for the summer, instead of waiting until tomorrow."

"She didn't." Ess shook her head.

"She very much did!" He gave a hollow laugh. "I think she knows what's coming."

"What's coming?" She stopped her playful banter abruptly. Jim raked his hand through his sandy blonde curls, a much more natural shade now that the weekly dye treatments had stopped. He was distracted by something in his mind, something he hadn't even told her yet.

"I just think- that Sully's..." He trailed off. Sully had called, or he had called him, every day that week, and he always asked to speak to the woman who'd won him over so quickly. He called Essie's cell phone a few times as well. His son was starting to prefer this lifestyle, a two parent (for lack of a better word) home, some pets, some more space, and being relatively spoiled. Of course it was all on the strength of one weekend. Jim just had a prickling in the back of his mind that Sully was going to express as desire to spend more than just summers out here. But it was too soon to say. _Remember, honeymoon phase._ "I think that Sully's not shy about how much he likes you and likes it out here. I'm worried his mom's going to think we're trying to steal him away and I'm not. I wouldn't do that to her."

"Not even just a little bit more?" Ess felt guilty for asking, felt greedy for something that wasn't rightfully hers.

"Six month split would be fine with me." The father's eyes practically ignited with joy at that thought. "Or every two months alternating- but the school thing."

"I know." Ess rubbed his muscular arm gently, finding the scar on his eyebrow with the other hand and tracing it with her thumb as she cupped the sharp plane of his cheek. "But we've got him now. Let's go pick up the mini-Jim."

The plane finally arrived at 2:30, about thirty minutes late. Thirty minutes seems like an eternity in LAX when you're waiting for a tiny little guy to find you. Jim and Ess ran through the airport lounge, this time not caring that a few people gasped and pointed at them as they cut through the herds of people. Jim's phone rang just as they paused, panting, by the carousel. Ess pressed her head to the phone, sandwiching it between their ears.

"Daddy! I'm here, I'm here, I'm here!" Sully's voice was loud and gleeful, practically deafening. "Where's Ess, is she with you?"

"I'm here!" Ess called back, her eyes suddenly sparkling, and stomach suddenly knotting. "Hurry up and get off that plane!" _What if this time he doesn't like me? What if he only liked me last time because he only had to put up with me for a couple days? What if he only liked me for the cats?_

"Okay, I'm getting off now, the flight lady said she'd bring me to the bag thing and you'll meet there, right?"

"Yeah, Sul, we're right here! No, don't get off the phone, honey, just keep it on until Daddy can see you. Sure, you can put it in your pocket, but don't hang up." Jim cocked an eyebrow at Ess. "From elated to hyperventilating in six seconds. Nice, Essie. If you had rims, I'd enter you in the races." He muttered in an undertone.

"Shut up! I'm panicking."

"I see that." He replied dryly. "You've been called by that boy how many times in two weeks?"

"A lot." Ess admitted with a pout. "But that-"

"But that means something! He knows he can talk to us both at home, but he makes time to call you. He likes you, lover. He loves you, or he's starting to, and he's going to have a nice time. And so help me, if you pass out from lack of oxygen and it ends up on the news- I will empty the litter box in your side of the bed."

Ess couldn't help but erupt in a fit of nervous giggles, punctuated by a snort as she tried to breathe in. "Y-you wouldn't."

"Probably not." He said affably. "Oh, oh there he is!" He lunged through the crowd dragging his apprehensive girlfriend a half-step behind, and the little boy caught sight of them.

"Daddy! Ess!" Sully broke free of the attendant and hurtled into their arms. He let go of Ess after a perfunctory hug, and clung to Jim, but that didn't matter to her. The man she loved's child had hugged her hello, said her name with joy in his voice. Summer might turn out rocky, but it would be worth it.

* * *

Jim honestly couldn't say he knew what to expect. His son had spent last summer with him alone for the most part, as Liz was only home sporadically due to traveling with a show. He had never thought three people, all very different, not tied by blood, thrown so quickly together, could cohabit like this. He had never known it would be so wonderful.

The first two weeks had been idyllic. They did all the "barely seeing your child" guilt-induced things, Disney Land, Universal, endless trips to the park, endless hours playing with the kittens and swimming in the pool. Ess gave them time alone, and slotted herself in nicely when requested. The six year old went to bed early, Jim was strict about that, and they had plenty of couple time alone at night. But before they went to their blissful activities, they tucked him in together. They worked out/acted out as a trio often as not. "It's too good to last", was a thought that Jim and Ess had constantly, but refused to voice.

* * *

Eventually, work reared its ugly head, even during the hard earned summer filming break.

Jim had the first scheduled public appearance. Ess and Sully dropped him off and then went to the park. This is going to go really, really badly, Jim worried. Not because it was Ess, not because the two of them had never been left alone together. No, badly because Sully was bright enough to know his dad had to go to work and was "leaving him" with someone else. It had happened last summer with Liz and the summer before with both Jim's brother and sister who were visiting him. Sully was polite, but distant, always on the edge of a sulk or a whine.

As the applause swelled, Jim stepped, rather swaggered, out, in full on Spike-mode. He gave a vampiric roar for the ladies and smirked a bit at their erogenous shrieks. _Still got it._

_And you better hope you _still _"get it", after leaving Ess alone with Sully for a few hours. I wonder if I should have told her about the way he's acted in the past before I left them for the afternoon? No, better not to have her panic and weird the boy out._

Jim found them in the parking lot, eating french fries and wearing face paint. "Dad, we found a street fair!" Sully waved a fry at him. They both looked pleased, and Ess seemed relaxed, not in the least traumatized.

"I see that." Jim ruffled his hair and stole one of his fries. "Salad Stop for lunch, Sweethearts?"

Ess nodded happily, but the little one did not. "Eww." Sully wrinkled his nose. Jim did a double take. _That's Ess's nose wrinkle! How had he picked that up so fast? Something is going on here_...

* * *

"Sully, listen to Uncle Max tonight." Jim gave himself a once over in the mirror.

"Okay." Sully pouted. "Why can't I come?"

"Date night, little man. I've got some serious kissing to do. You could come but it's all eating and kissing, and then eating again and kissing a LOT more. You'd puke." Jim smiled easily, slipping into a black Hard Rock Cafe shirt.

"Ugh. Okay. Where are you going?"

"A restaurant in the city where there's a band Daddy likes."

Ess came out of the master bath, dressed in club clothes, and sank down on the bed behind Sully. "Oh. I'm going to miss tucking you in, Little Dude." Ess and Sully cuddled, rolling back on the bed, and the hug quickly devolved into tickling. Jim marveled again.

"Jim, we don't have to go out. You know we'll have time, in September." She stopped herself from saying "after Sully leaves".

Jim felt himself swaying. He didn't want to be an inattentive boyfriend, but if she didn't mind... He couldn't choose between the two of them, not for something so trivial as go out to dinner versus stay in. I need a little help here, he thought silently.

"No thanks! Uncle Max said he and I could play foosball downstairs and eat potato chips until bedtime. Daddy said you and he were going to do lots of kissing. That's yucky. A little funny. But too much is yucky."

She laughed. "You win then." The doorbell rang, and like furry comets, the two cats screeched into the room and under the bed. "I'll get it. Sul, please try to get those two out." She sighed, kissed Jim and walked off.

The actor who played Xander on the show waltzed in, her on and off screen "big brother" figure, and one ofJim's best friends, sporting his off-season scruff, demanding kisses, asking if he could make long distance calls, and raid the fridge.

"What the heck are you doing?" Ess gawked at him.

"I am channeling my inner babysitter." Max explained.

"Well, you make a mess of this house and you can channel your inner maid. We left money on the counter for pizza and tonight. We won't be out past midnight."

"You left me money?" Max fake punched her arm. "I'm happy to do it. You two... I dunno. Makes me feel good that you both got what you deserve. You're happier than I've ever seen you, and you stopped being sad about the shit they did to you this season. That's my payment."

"Oh, Xander!" Ess cried, throwing her arms theatrically wide.

"Oh, Buffster!" Max hugged her. "Can I cop a feel?"

"Do you want 'Spike' to tear you a new windpipe?" She teased.

"No seriously, can I?" He pushed, equally teasingly, and watched the laughing glint in her eyes turn up.

"I'm gonna get you!" She threw herself on him and started noogie-ing his head maniacally.

"Okay, okay, I give. Can I drink on duty?"

"Two beers. Nothing hard. And if you watch a movie-"

The two men in her life came downstairs to find Ess strangling Max with his shirt collar and simultaneously getting her ribs tickled as he reached back to try to pry her off. Jim finished her sentence. "-if you watch a movie, make sure it isn't rated worse than PG. And get your hands offa my woman, Max."

"Oooh, someone's possessive." Max released Ess and wrapped his arm around Sully's shoulders.

"And someone else_ likes_ it." Ess licked her lips suggestively, idling slowly towards Jim, who curled his lips seductively, and put his hands on her waist, fingers inching slowly towards her delectably firm cheeks.

"I'm sorry, did you say PG or R rated?" Max interjected.

"PG." Jim coughed sheepishly, his hands pausing in mid grope.

"They're going to listen to music and kiss." Sul said in a stage whisper to Max, who nodded knowingly.

"And stroke each other's hair. Did you know that's why your dad's hair turned brown again? Ess stroked the bleach right out of it." Max said in a spooky voice.

"No way." Sully scoffed, and then looked at Ess's hands with an intense glare, as if he could see bleach hiding under the skin. "Really?" He looked up at Max in awe.

"Oh, yeah." Max ushered Sully over to the couple by the door. "Now hug them goodnight, and I'll tell you what happened to Daddy's fangs."

"Max!" Jim said warningly, stooping to kiss Sully and Ess gave Max the slit throat signal before she sweetly turned to hug Sully as well.

"Actually, Sul. I think we'll order pizza and watch _Star Wars_, okay?"

"Awesome!" The kid squeezed the legs of his "parents" and bounded down to the basement.

Jim held the door open for his sweetheart as she slid into the car. "Should we be leaving them alone like this?" He asked a trifle nervously.

"You know, I've never actually done it in a car..." Ess said absently.

"They'll be fine." Jim quickly answered his own question and jumped into the driver's seat.

* * *

_"Well, that sorts that. No bleedin' way do we leave Xander on 'is own with our tiddler."_

_ "Xander doesn't act like that! He's not- well, he is that goofy. But he wouldn't- yeah, actually he would tell. Xander doesn't have a beard!"_

_ "Yes, that's a wonderful reason to let him babysit." Spike grunted._

_ "You're just having Xander withdrawal." Buffy goaded. "You know you miss the crazy, one-eyed, non-magical member of our team." Her voice suddenly thickened and a laughing sob exploded from her throat. "You know you do!"_

_ "I know _you_ do." He sighed, all the fight and sarcasm sucked out of him. "An'- an' I do, too. In a way. Like you miss squeaky floorboard, bloody annoyin' but you get so you're used to it. Dammit, Buffy, if you ever, _ever _tell him I said that-"_

_ "Your secret is safe with me." She smiled lovingly, letting him wipe her tears. "But it makes me feel better that you admit it- to yourself anyway. I think he has a grudging non-hatred of you, too, at times."_

_ "That might be a better term for what I feel, come to mention." Spike drawled in a bored voice, trying to look supremely self-possessed and non-interested in what was going on in their home universe._

_ "Your eyes are almost all the way blue now." Buffy distracted him._

_ "Have been for about a week, Pet." He shrugged. "But yours are still just flecks of green."_

_ "I know. I think _she's_ going to take some convincing."_

_ "I wonder what that feels like?" Spike wondered aloud. "Ow! Slayer!" He rubbed his jawbone. "Unnecessary roughin'."_

_ "This is going to be my fault! We're going to be stuck in limbo forever because my other half is so stupid. I mean what does she want? He's loving, and supportive, and not afraid of commitment, and gorgeous!"_

_ "Now, why didn't that work when I tried it?" Spike mused, earning himself another smack. "Oi! Lighten up, Buff."_

_ "No! And- and by the way Mr. Smuggy McSmug, it didn't work cause you were a VAMPIRE!" She shoved his arm hard and pouted fiercely. _

_ "Sure, hold my heritage against me." He ducked her blow this time and grabbed her wrist. "You know you like your man a little monstrous. Maybe my guy needs a bit more bite to him." He licked his incisors suggestively._

_ "Why- why are you doing that?" Buffy felt her soft walls slicken suddenly and Spike's nose twitched. _

_ " 'Cause I know you're scared to admit it, but you like the idea of what I'm going to do someday soon. It makes you hot, and you can't deny it. The nose knows." _

Don't have skin tone or eye color, but still have tears, and other telltale bodily fluids. Who designed this cosmic holding cell?_ "Pervert." She blushed. "I don't like the idea at all." She watched Spike's proud visage tremble and fall and she hated herself. "Spike. I just lied to you. Couldn't you tell that?"_

_ "Sometimes it blurs, Pet." He admitted sadly. "I'd like to think I know you inside an' out, and the truth is always what you say. But I kinda missed the boat the last time you told me somethin' vital, and here we are. Shadowland, population two." All my fault, he added silently._

_ Buffy, didn't look at him as she started talking, her voice low and serious. "I get turned on because of the thought that I'll be joined to you forever. You can't break it with divorce, or even with death. I'll never lose the one I love the most. That's a huge turn on. Especially for me. 'Meant-to-be-Alone' gal."_

_ "Wouldn't need a Claim to guarantee I won't leave you, Baby." He said softly._

_ "No, but it guarantees there's no you without me, and vice versa. I _want _that." Buffy stated firmly. _

_ "Then you have it, you know how much I want it, too." He put his hand on hers, reassuring, then thoughtfully asked, "So the bite would only be a one time thing? To seal the Claim?" Spike nodded slowly. "I can live with that."_

_ "I- do you mean- you want it to be more? Like, to feed off of me?" Buffy scooted closer to him. "I offered. If you need to-"_

_ "That'd be for survival, and I would have hard time doing that, Luv. No, not to feed. To-to bind us closer when I'm inside you. To make the bond more and more unbreakable. The more of you I have inside me the better man I am, Buffy. I've never even had a drop and already I know that it's true."_

_ "Wh-what's it feel like? Biting as part of lovemaking?" She asked tensely._

_ "Like a full body rush that makes your head swim. Like jumpin' into a hot shower, but from the inside out. It's warmth. No, it's like fire, it burns, but in a good way."_

_ "Is that for you or for me?" Buffy leaned her head on his shoulder, her eyes looking up at him with a pretense of calm._

_ "For both, Pet. Or I'd never do it." He pulled her into his lap, his lips snaking their way under her hair, his chin digging into her collarbone. "Relax..."_

_ "Trust you. Love you." She whispered._

_ "You have a good reason to trust me. 'Cause nothin' will ever happen to my girl if I can help it." His arm wrapped around her waist._

_ "You can go ahead." She breathed shakily._

_ "Not now. It's gonna be special. It won't hurt." He repeated firmly._

_ "I know. Why not now? Every time with you is special."_

_ "I don't know how it works in here, Luv. I really don't. The laws of nature aren't in here. I mean, no food, no blood, no water, and we're not wastin' away. You prolly don't have any blood to 're frozen in place, in time. You haven't had - you know. That monthly-time." He stopped looking at her for a moment, bowed his head, embarrassed. In spite of everything they talked about- they didn't talk about _that_._

_ "You can tell that? I mean, obviously you'd know here, but the rest of the time, you knew that?" Buffy screeched._

_ "Well, yeah. Vampire. I thought you knew that I knew." He said with an edge to his voice._

_ "I didn't! Oh, God, I am so gonna die of mortification the moment we're mortal again."_

_ "Now, hush, Buffy. I know, it's natural, it's healthy, and it's part of my point. I don't think the laws of nature are in our favor in here. For all I know, I could bite you and you'd leak ethereal essence. I dunno what's keepin' us this way, but I don't aim to tamper with it in case it's more than just the Powers holdin' us here."_

_ She nodded in silent agreement. Then, with a hesitant look, Buffy stretched out her neck, making the sinews and tendons dance for him. "You're temptin' me." He rasped._

_ "You got me ready and then stopped." She whined._

_ "I wouldn't do that." Spike lathed her neck with his tongue. "I'm getting you ready for the big night. Consider this a new type of foreplay."_

_ She moaned against him. She heard the growl but kept her eyes closed. She felt something sharp trace her skin, smoothed over with hot, wet kisses, skin sucked into his mouth but not bitten on. And for some reason that one spot seemed to be firmly linked to another pulse point._

_ "Unzip." His voice was soft but commanding. She obeyed and his swift fingers delved into her softly, drew up her wetness and made her slick for his exploring, rubbing finger tips." My beautiful Buffy."_

_ "You're in game face, aren't you? Your voice is thicker, more hunter, less human. Your blue eyes are gone." She asked, but it wasn't a question. Her eyes were shut, but she could see him in her mind's eye._

_ "I can't do a claim without vampin', Luv. I'm sorry. We don't need to do this, it's not time anyway-" He felt the demon retreating and was shocked as hell when she tugged his head to hers, forcing her body around to face him._

_ "Stay. Stay like you are." Buffy's voice trembled._

_ "You don't like me like this." He tried again to retract his fangs, and she stopped him, eyes supplicating him._

_ "I didn't. I liked your human face. But your demon gives you part of your fight, and part of yourself. I want- you. All of you. Like this."_

_ "No, that's not what I want to give you-" he tried to explain, an edge of desperation in his feral voice. She looked at him hard-then lunged, kissing him hard, forcing her mouth to fit around the fangs, her tongue even daring to slide in and dance around the sharp killing tools. She caressed the ridges in his brow, tenderly touching, letting her fear ebb away. _He won't hurt me, he'll never hurt me. He'll always love me. _All _of him will love me.

_ He expected that he'd lose control, or that his demon would run. It was a killer, not a lover. The last thing he expected was the demon to purr like a contented cat. Maybe a tiger-sized purr, but a purr nonetheless. He didn't expect to be able to say what he did. "I'll always love you. Eternity." And he had never expected for her to respond like she did._

_ "I love you back. E-eternity." She pulled him to herself, her chest heaving. " I love you." _

_ "You're not asking to-" His demon roared suddenly, smelling, sensing exactly what she was asking. She wanted all of him. Must be part of her had decided making love with him in both of his forms was the way to convince him she didn't have any doubts. But it still didn't set right with her, he could tell that there was fear, just a touch underlying. The demon ran. Fled from her fear. His human face slid seamlessly into place, in a split second._

_ "What happened?" Buffy demanded, the soft embrace going tense._

_ "You were scared."_

_ "Not like fear-scared! Like- first time, virgin-esque, nervous-scared." She blushed. He laughed deeply and delightedly. "Okay, I'm getting confused." She huffed._

_ "My demon _loves_ you. He runs from your fear. Buffy, every part of me- human, demon, souled, unsouled- loves you!" He let out a rush of air, his laughter echoing. "Pet, I'll never be able to hurt you, oh thank God. Thank God!" He laughed again, unable to explain why this meant so much. He'd never hurt her anyway. But there was always something to control. Now, the demon, that evil, hardest to control part, was on his side, at least where it came to her._

_ "But you- the Claim, the bite... I _want_ to be yours." She looked at him with swimming eyes, both moved by his admission, and worried that now she would lose her guarantee to be his eternally, to keep forever._

_ "Yes, you will, Pet. You'll love it and you'll want it." He felt her hands yanking on his clothes urgently and her slender hips beginning their push to his. "What are - are you still-"_

_ "I just want you. All of you. I don't care about the face, you're the one inside." She clawed desperately. "If I want it, I must not be too scared. And if I want it..." She leaned back, flattening in the gray haze that served as a bed, slowly tugging him with her, looking up at him._

_ The bones rearranged with the subtle, wet, crunching sound. "Buffy. Look at me, Luv." Her eyes were wide, but not scared. She was swallowing him whole. "You see me clearly, right?" She nodded, her lips half open with a look that was a cross between curiosity and desire._

_ "Come closer." She whispered finally. He obeyed, slowly resting his mouth to hers, feeling her get more squirmy as he let out a low hiss of desire. He began to pull back. "No! No that was a good noise. Please- I need you, Spike. I want you." _

_ He gave a muffled roar, before he ripped the crotch of his jeans open. "If you want it, you get it." He slowly started to push inside her softness and then warned, "But no neck play, Sweet. Not risking it."_

_ She nodded, dipping her finger down to her softest parts, sliding in alongside his tip. She brought the glistening fingertip up to his lips, his fangs. "Drink this instead?" _

_ "Oh God, yes. Yes!" She gave herself to him, making his head swim, his whole being trembling with want, face flashing between human and demon several times as he took her, not roughly, but hard and deep. But she never changed her response to his features. She just kept looking steadily into his eyes, whether they were his demonic amber or his human blue. No matter which, she didn't change her words._

_ "My Spike. I love you. Love you, Baby. So much."_

_ His words didn't change either, only the tone, as his fangs obstructed some, but not all, of his speech. "I love you, Sweet. Love you so much." His soul sang it, his demon growled it, all of him meant it._

_ He came in her, demon face reverting. A vampiric growl split his human face, a strange merger he had never felt before. He was too lost in bliss to contemplate if that half-vamped thing was a dimensional capability. He collapsed on top of her, softly nuzzling her all over her upturned face and neck. _

_ "That was amazing." She whispered._

_ "It was. Bloody fantastic." He swiped the sweat-like essence from her brow and pushed her hair back from her face. She opened her eyes with a contented, partially glazed look. His eyes widened with shock,_

_ "What is it?" Buffy became alert, and struggled to sit up._

_ "No. No, stay. Just let me look at you. Those beautiful eyes."_

_ "My- my eyes?" Buffy's voice began to rise in excitement._

_ "Don't get me wrong, Luv, they aren't free from the creeping shadow, but they've gone all forest green on me. Nothing but a few gray wisps left."_

* * *

The little boy and the "adult boy" were crashed on the sofa in the basement, Mist and Stripes piled up on Sully's chest. "See? Everyone's fine." Max groggily sat up as Ess bopped him on the head with her thin black purse.

"Sully's not in bed, there's pizza crust all over the foosball table, and Adult Swim is on the tv!" Jim hissed. "Sul? Daddy and Ess are home. Say goodnight to your uncle."

"G'night, Uncle Max." Sully mumbled in his sleep as he was hoisted on his father's shoulder and borne off to bed.

"_Maxim-ilian_." Ess drew out his name as a threat- then laughed. "You stay here tonight. You look beat."

"Hm. Kay." The babysitter rolled over, pulling a kitten up to his head as a pillow. "Thanks Ess. Did you have fun?"

She tried to edit her response to not include the image of riding Jim to an explosive orgasm in the backseat, then dancing her buns off in the club with Jimmy, ignoring the stares and occasional camera flashes if they were recognized. "Yeah. Lots of fun. Good, good times were had by all. Did you have fun?"

"Hell, yes. Love that kid. But he's so weird. He kept asking me if I punched people on the show and then kissed them when I went home."

"Ah. I can explain that. But not now. It's time for bed. Come on, don't sleep down here. We've got two extra bedrooms with actual beds."

"Okay, Buffster."

"Shut up,_ Xander._" Ess hauled him up. "You wanna call the wife?"

"No, she's on a modeling shoot in Key Largo."

"Then up you go, Babysitter Boy." The blonde gave him a shove in the direction of the stairs.

"We should do this again. I like that kid."

"You can be our regular sitter, okay? Unless Jimmy's brother and sister come visit, which would be rare, but Sully usually gets to see them at least once in the summer."

"But I want to be an adopted uncle! You get to be the adopted mom." Max whined.

"Don't think like that. About me. I'm not- I'm too young to be Sully's step mom."

"Don't you wanna be?" Max put his arm around her as they staggered up the stairs.

"Yes." Ess admitted softly. "But don't tell Jim! The only way to be the kiddo's stepmom is to be _his_ wife." She sighed heavily.

"Don't you wanna be?" Max repeated, with a silly braying laugh.

"Shh!" Ess wasn't in the habit of lying to Max, even if she lied to herself. She heard the words coming out before she could edit herself. "And... yes. Yes, I do, someday. But it's too soon. Don't you think it's too soon?"

"Four and half years? Yeah, don't rush into anything." He rolled his eyes.

"You know that wasn't anything but friends. Not even friends at first, just people working together!" She protested hotly. She pushed Max into the closest guest room, blushing as she recalled that was the place where she and Jim had shared their first coupling, however tentative and short lived.

"But you're more than friends now. You built up to it. He makes you _happy_. Go for it! If he wants to, too."

She considered. A few months of "dating" and being lovers, being so happy she could burst. Backed by close to five years of partnership that built to friendship, depending on each other, spending hours and hours together every day, sometimes even choosing to be together even after the cameras were done rolling, although that dimension of the relationship had started more recently. _Already a family in so many ways. I can't imagine my life without him in it, not anymore._

"Yeah. I would go for it, I guess. I'm not going to rush him, though." Ess smiled in a melancholy way as she kissed Max on the cheek. "Don't leave without saying goodbye in the morning."

"I won't, Ess. Hey-think about what you want."

"Huh?" Ess nudged for clarification. Max gave her a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Don't screw it up. Remember what you_ want_."

* * *

Ess and Jim crawled into bed wearily. "Max's here. I told him to crash in one of the bedrooms."

"Alright." Jim yawned. "Sully fell back to sleep by the time I'd carried him up here. Looks like they had fun."

"They did. Max'll fill you in, in the morning." Ess closed her eyes and then re- opened them. "I think I have a radio interview tomorrow morning."

"You do." Jim smiled. "I'm gonna take Sully with me to the music store and maybe get him a starter guitar."

"I'm jealous. That sounds like much more fun."

"You deserve some fun." Jim rolled atop her and kissed her. They were both spent, but he just enjoyed the feeling of her body to his, and she did as well. "Was tonight good, Sweetheart?"

"Brilliantly good." She sighed. Max's words echoed in her head. _What do I want, what do I want? Him? Sully? The whole deal? Do I want that _now_? I'm in my twenties! Tied down with a family already- my whole life ahead, youth slipping by... What about when I'm ready to get on with my own life? _

Sapphire blue eyes blazed into hers as he kissed her goodnight, and then wrapped her arms across her chest, and pulled her into a tight bundle against him. _Who the hell am I kidding?_ Ess sighed and drifted into sleep, lulled by his muscular warmth enfolding her. _He is my life._

* * *

The next day Ess had one of her interviews to go to, along with the other women on the show, speaking on a panel about strong female characters. After that, they'd planned a girls' night out, mani- pedis and vodka, apparently.

Not to be outdone, the guys in her life decided to have their own special day, and then meet up with some of the guys from the show for a boys' night at O'Shays Restaurant, Bar, and Arcade, cool enough to be fun, family friendly enough to include the six year old member of the group.

Jim and Sully left the guitar store with a bunch of beginner tabs and sheet music, some new strings for Jim's acoustic, and a new guitar for the boy. "Daddy, what if I'm not good at this?"

"You're not going to be playing songs for a bit, son. Okay? Get that in your mind and you'll be alright. If you want to be playing perfectly right away, you won't realize how well you're doing."

"Can we get ice cream?" Sully's attention shifted abruptly at the sight of a fancy looking ice cream parlor.

"Yeah. Sure. We're having a father-son day. After this, whaddya think? The zoo?"

"Awesome!" Sully paused as Jim packed the goods in the car. "Can we get a banana split?"

"You know you'll have to get something with veggies for lunch?" Jim pointed out.

"O-kay." Sully said with resignation.

This is a perfect day. Just like it used to be, Jim thought. _Just him and me. Sunshine, his first guitar, having fun, having ice cream, the zoo. Nothing could make this any better..._

"Will Ess be home in time to tuck me in?" Sully asked, biting a cherry off the stem.

"I think so." Jim smiled, scooting the sundae between them, handing them each a spoon.

"Good. 'Cause I like when you both read to me. I really like it when you take turns? And you do the voices?" Sully looked up at him hopefully.

"I'll find a good story with lots of voices for tonight." Jim chuckled. They talked about some book titles that might be good candidates. "You really like her." Jim concluded, though it was not on topic. It wasn't a question, it was a statement of fact. Nonetheless he waited with clenched muscles until his son replied.

"She's not going away is she?" Sully's eyes flickered nervously.

"What? Oh no. No. Sul, just the opposite." He took a deep breath. He hadn't planned on talking with Sully about this, maybe not for years, certainly not today. But now, his mouth was moving on it's own, as if his heart had gagged and bound his brain, caution, and common sense. "I love Ess. Very, very much. But that doesn't matter if you don't love her, too. You know I am going to take care of you. You're my little boy. So I just want to know. Do you like her?"

"I like her." Sully's expression was guarded, mirroring his father's. "I think she likes me."

"Sul! She _loves_ you. We_ both_ love you. And I love her." Jim pushed the statement a bit harder this time.

"More than me?" Sully's voice shook and he put his spoon down.

"No!" Jim slid his chair to beside Sully as opposed to across from him, wrapping one arm around him and bowing his head to speak face to face. "The way I love you is so different from Ess. I love you with all my heart. You're my baby boy, my only son. You- you _own_ my heart. I may love Ess as_ much _as you, but not more than you, not in the same way." Sully still didn't look reassured. Think like a six year old, think like a six year old, Jim thought in desperation. _That philosophical crap is probably way over his head._ Jim tried one more tactic. "I've known you since before you were born. I've loved you more than seven years, if you count the time you were in Mommy's belly. But I've only loved Ess for a few months. I haven't even _known _her for as long as I've loved _you_, kiddo. No matter how much I love Ess, I always loved you_ first_. You'll always be the one I've loved the_ longest_. She'll never catch up to you."

"So, I win?" Sully grinned.

"You win." Jim gave an internal sigh of relief and a smile creased his face. They started eating again, and Jim slid back across the table. The boy hadn't given his answer, yet Jim knew his son loved her, even if he wasn't ready to think about it. Even if he just said it reflexively on occasion. _No need to push_. "You've got whip cream on your chin, Sul."

"You have strawberry sauce on your mouth." The boy countered.

They finished up the ice cream and headed to the zoo. They both loved the apes and monkeys and headed to that area immediately. They were walking around, hand in hand, pointing, Jim taking pictures with a disposable camera from the gift shop and carrying a bag of souvenirs.

"I miss Essie." Sully remarked at one point, an edge of whining in his little voice.

"We'll call her soon. She's done that interview by now." Jim said easily, not admitting how much he missed her as well.

"So you like her more than Mommy and Liz?" Sully waved at a chimp and bared his teeth at it.

"Uh. Ah. I love her more than any other girlfriend ever." Jim laughed nervously.

"Even Mommy?"

No sense lying to the boy. "Yes." Jim admitted. "I do love your mom. I care about her, and I will always love her because she gave me you. But I love Ess more than any other woman. Not more than any little boy, though." Sully giggled, and leaned his head into his father's side.

"What would happen if I loved her, too?"

"Then I would ask her if she loved both of us enough to be part of our family."

"You mean get married." Sully cut through the fluff, making Jim grimace. "But Ess told me that wasn't for a long time. Remember, Dad? I asked her when you picked me up from the airport with Ess for the first time."

"She did say that, didn't she?" Jim spoke to himself more than his son.

"But I love her now. Maybe, if we both love her, she'll want to be in the family sooner?" Sully looked up at his dad. Jim abruptly sat on the bench and stared deep into the blue eyes that were twins of his own.

"You're a bloody smart boy, Sullivan. I did hear you right, right? You said you love Ess?"

"Not more than Mom!" Sully quickly explained, a guilty flush on his cheeks.

"No, of course not, honey. And that's not what we want. Just if you love her enough, to let her be your- like-" Jim fumbled for the right words.

"A stepmom?"

"Yes." Jim shook his head. "You learned that from your mom, you know that? She always hits the nail right on the head. She doesn't dance around an issue." Jim pulled his son into a tight hug. "There's no rush for her to be part of the family. Even if she says yes, we probably won't get married right away." Jim changed his tone from fatherly and reassuring to severe in a heartbeat. "But this is a secret. Daddy gets to tell Ess, and anyone else. Don't even tell your mother. I'll tell her myself. This is important, Sul."

Sully scrunched up his eyes and chanted "Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, I won't tell anyone that you want to marry Ess until you tell me to." Then, squinting one eye open, he asked. "Am I still allowed to tell her that I love her?"

"The more often the better." Jim said with a conspiratorial wink.

* * *

Ess beat Jim and Sully home by just a few minutes. "I love you, Ess! I brought you a stuffed monkey!" Sully barreled out of the car and into the house, into Ess, and knocked her flat off her spike heel sandals. Jim, carrying a bunch of guitar paraphernalia, stowed it unceremoniously on the bench in the garage and raced into the tiled entryway to pull Ess up.

"I'm sorry!" Sully hugged Ess again, as Jim came behind her and helped her up, hands hooked under her arms. Father and son locked eyes, Sully's longing for approval and Jim gave him a proud smile and wink.

"I love you, too!" Ess laughed giddily as she rose, and bent to retrieve the bright red monkey with LA Zoo written on its chest. "And you." She turned and kissed Jim.

"You're both going to tuck me in tonight, right?" Sully held each adult by one hand. Jim worried at the unusual abundance of affection and clinginess. _Uh-oh. Bad parenting, bad parenting._

"We sure can. Jim, what time will you be home from the big bad boys' night?"

"Uh- got the little man here. How about 9:30? That leave enough time for you to get sloshed and get your nails done?" He teased.

"Not sloshed, but yes." Ess giggled.

"Sully, help me bring in your new guitar." Jim tried to keep his voice casual.

"I'm gonna call the girls real quick and see if anyone needs a ride." Ess grabbed her shoes and the portable phone from the kitchen, walking into the living room. As soon as she was out of ear shot, Sully looked up at Jim with adoring eyes.

"Did I do good?"

"Oh, Sul." Jim knelt and took him gently by the shoulders. "I think I might have made you feel like you have to help me convince Ess to join our family. Did I do that?"

"No. Maybe? What is 'convince' again?"

"Do you think you have to help me make Ess want to join our family?" He simplified.

"No. But I wanna help. I like her. And she likes you. You could be happy all the time if she stays with you- even when I'm gone." Sully looked at him eagerly and Jim felt a rush of tears spark his eyes.

"You're a good boy, Sul. But you don't have to help me. You just be yourself. You're already a sweet kid, Ess likes you just how you are."

"So- _stop_ telling her I love her?"

"Oh God." Jim muttered and seriously thought about taking up smoking again. He only smoked herbal cigarettes on the set when he had to, and he had taken up the patch three years ago. Now he was nicotine free. He hated the idea of starting again, or teaching teens that smoking was cool because they thought everything Spike did was cool. But right now, when Sully was making him use all of his ethical, moral, and parental skills at once, he just wanted a big glass of whiskey and a carton of menthols. "Sully- tell her what you actually feel. If you really love her, tell her. If you just like her, tell her. It's okay. Whatever you need to tell us is okay." He swallowed and said words he hadn't expected to say. "You can trust Ess." _So help me God, if this goes wrong, I'll never look at another woman again. If this hurts my baby boy..._

"Okay." Sully said easily. Apparently it wasn't as deeply significant to the six year old as it was to the man pushing 30 from the wrong side. Jim sighed and rocked back on his heels with an easy laugh.

"Ah, Sully. You make me so happy, y'know that?"

"Hey! Do I get a guitar lesson, too?" Ess shouted from the living room.

"Here we come." Jim called back.

* * *

The boys met at O'Shay's while the girls went to some exclusive spa. Both groups were surprised when the blonde lovers announced that they'd be turning in early. But Jim had a bigger surprise.

"Patrick! So good to see you, man." Jim and the Englishman, also in the area for summer promotions, exchanged a brief one armed hug as they squeezed into the crowded entryway.

"Oh, so nice to see you, too. With Sullivan! How are you, mate?"

"Fine. Can we go play in the Chuckie Cheese's?" Sully pointed up to the glass paneled third floor where you could see dozens of video games, pin ball machines, ride on toys and even bumper cars.

"After food." Max smiled. "But don't call it Chuckie Cheese's, Sulster. That's a big no-no at this place. O'Shay's."

"What's an O'Shay? Is that like orange juice?"

"Freakin' sweet kid." Max laughed fondly.

The four men sat and ate bad-for-you appetizers and then ordered beers (Patrick and Max anyway) and played tic-tac-toe on the place mats with crayons (to keep Sully amused). They hurried through hamburgers and ribs for the sake of getting up to play games and appease Sully, who was on the verge of whining.

"I only wanna stay for a little while up here!" Jim shouted over the din of video games and patrons.

"Why? We have plenty of time before your 'curfew'!" Max hollered back as he and Sully took places in front of the Guitar Hero game. "Ready to rock out, Sul-man?"

"Yeah!" Sully looked just like his father when he got excited, down to the sly quirking eyebrow and the smile that was somehow just a little bit bad.

"Because I was hoping you might help me with something!" Jim shouted again.

"Well, your accent has been fairly good." Patrick commented. "Can't be more dialect coaching."

"And you don't need a sitter tonight, right Sul?" Max strummed a power chord and Sully gyrated around beside him.

"I've got some shopping to do." Jim let the statement hang in the air.

"Are we talking Victoria's Sec-hey!" Jim grabbed the guitar from Max's fist and hit a bunch of random keys. "You just cost me star power!" Jim pointed forcefully at Sully. "Which I deserved."

"I can go to the mall for this. Or a good jeweler." Jim smirked, rocking back on his heels, hands shoved in his pockets, the picture of satisfied man.

"You aren't?" Patrick gasped.

"You are!" Max cried, and both men launched into a hug, which ended up being a lot of shoulder punching and coughing, while Sully watched gleefully as Max's score dropped on Guitar Hero and he took the lead.

"So soon?" Patrick asked, and Max jabbed him forcefully with an elbow. "Oi, stop it, Max, I've got valid concerns."

"As you are the father figure of the Buffy, and the only kind of dad Essie has left, lay it on me." Spike's twin sighed.

"Are you _sure_? You're sure it isn't some kind of emotional hangover from this season?" Patrick looked at him gravely, twisting the silver stud in his ear with a hint of nervousness.

"Very sure. No, it isn't." Jim replied with full confidence.

"And the boy? 'Cause the only bally thing worse than getting involved is stoppin' it for the sake of the kid."

"Sul? What d'you think of Ess?" Max chimed in smugly.

"I like her." He looked up hesitantly at his dad. Patrick crossed his arms and gave Jim an "I told you so" look.

"Sully, you say whatever you want. I'm telling Patrick and Uncle Max our secret, so you can talk as much as you like."

"Ess's going to be in our family cause we love her." Sully said matter-of-factly. He watched Jim cross his arms, and mimicked him. "So there."

"You tell 'em, kid!" The broad chested brunette encouraged.

"So, back to my point, which I never got to make. I want you two to go look for rings with me. You've known Ess longer, you've gone through a couple boyfriends with her, and you've both seen what she likes. I want a second opinion."

"Do I get to help?" Sully asked. Jim looked down, startled. "Are you picking out something for Ess?"

"Yeah."

"I know what she likes, too!" Sully piped up.

"Yes, you do, Sul. You'll be a big help."

After his announcement, the adults lost interest in the games rather quickly, but stayed on for Sully's sake. Jim watched him zoom around on the kiddie bumper cars, and hung back with Max and Patrick.

"She isn't- pregnant, is she?" Patrick suddenly asked hoarsely.

"No! I'm in love with her, you poncey British twit!" Jim said angrily.

"Did you just go 'Spike' on me?" Patrick demanded.

"You made me mad, and I'm used to yelling at 'Giles' as Spike. I never yell at you. So don't ask me about that stuff. I'm asking her because I want to, I'm in love, Big L, never felt like this before, cue the music. Yes, I'm an idiot for rushing, but if you know, you know."

"Amen!" Max punched the air.

"Amen and punching don't go together, Dude." His friend sighed. "Hey, Monkey Man! One more lap, and then one more game, and we gotta run."

"I know a really nice jeweler. My mom gets her stuff there. I've gotten a few things there myself. Guy's really nice, very discreet. I mean, it won't be on E! tomorrow if you buy a ring tonight."

"Sounds like a plan." Jim breathed softly.

* * *

_"Where in soddin' hell are those two?" Spike was pacing the deserted stage. "Why the soddin' hell are we _here_ again?"_

_ "There should be a Powers Hotline." Buffy conceded. "This is probably like their version of a reward. Letting us see the only two things in the world that remind us of the world we left behind, the fake house that looks like my real one, the people who look like us. Bet they let us come here whenever something significant happens. The first time we started being solid. Last time we were here was the night they first..." She trailed off. _

_ "Buffy? Luv?_

_ "We haven't seen them together all day! No, no, no! Look at my eyes, are they still green?" She began to panic._

_ "Green as grass, Pet." He soothed. "Mine?"_

_ "Blue. Very, very blue. And- Spike! Your hair! I swear some of it's white, not gray. It's still an absence of color, but it's a _different_ absence of color!"_

_ "Wonder what's going on then." Spike pushed his way through the mist that still billowed over them, but at least now he could hover close to the stage floor. "Bloody amazin'. I'd swear this is the same lamp your mum brought back from the Greek exhibit at the gallery. The one where they sent two of everything?" Buffy smiled at him fondly. "What? I told you I liked your mum."_

_ "I know." Buffy strolled from one part of the set to the other. "It does look the same. My room, every room... but we only get to come here when it's totally deserted. I mean get to come this close."_

_ "Fancy seein' if we can get down to your bed?" He gave her a wicked smile._

_ "We can try- but no. No, that's so icky, and wrong. I mean, other people actually use this bed. Who aren't us."_

_ "You know you want to." He murmured, his voice a brush of dark velvet against her ear._

_ "What's gotten into you?" She gasped as he swept her up in his arms, struggling and plowing along through the gray cloudiness._

_ "You unleashed me." He smiled unashamedly._

_ She blushed. She'd never imagined she'd love him, like that. Appearing like that. _The face of my enemy is the face of my lover. I can't tear the two in half. _"I- I'm not saying I _prefer_ that." She finally choked out. _

_ "Of course not, Pet." He rubbed her back comfortingly. "But you did boost my confidence. Knowing that you're not repulsed by any part of me- powerful, powerful aphrodisiac. Slayer acceptance is even better than Slayer blood."_

_ "Oh God, Spike. I love you, love all of you. Can we make it to the bed?"_

_ "No, we still can't touch down." Spike made a small noise of frustration through his nose._

_ "Then we can either go wait up for them, or we can distract ourselves some more." Buffy purred. "Either way, the set equals significance, and since we're still semi-colorful, we'd better not waste time worrying." She said with false cheerfulness._

_ "Lyin' to me, Pet. You're worried out of your sweet little skull. Best let me relax you."_

* * *

"No, I like this one the best." Jim pointed to the platinum band with the large square cut diamond.

"You should really shop around, Jim." Patrick warned.

"But I like _this_ one." He insisted stubbornly.

"Isn't that kinda big?" Max pointed out. "And pricey?"

"You think it's too showy?" Jim reluctantly sat it down.

"Would you like to see the three karat version instead? Center stone 2.5 K weight and the remaining .5 stud the band."

"That's pretty. And Ess has tiny hands." Sully, sipping on a milk in a red plastic "O'Shay's" cup, gave his nod to the smaller version.

"Out of the mouths of babes..." Patrick muttered, not quite looking at Jim.

"Pat, do you wanna go wait in the car?" Jim snapped.

"No, the pub, actually." Patrick quipped.

"Shut up, you old bast-ketball player." Max flashed an "I-caught-it-in time-so please-don't-kill-me" smile at Jim. "It's awesome. And it won't look too big on her."

"I'll take it." Jim fondled the gleaming band gently and handed it to the clerk. "Size six band."

"That's the standard display size, Sir, including this model. Do you want to purchase it today and take it with you?"

Mentally calculating the share he paid for the mortgage, his child support, Sully's college fund, and figuring in the price of the ring- he gulped and nodded. "Sul, you may have to work a few semesters in college, or get a scholarship, alright?" He joked, and Sully nodded, although he wasn't sure of the meaning of his father's words.

Jim wrote the check in full and took the box.

"You have ten days from the date of receipt to return the ring and get a full refund. Although, from what you've said, I doubt you'll be needing that option."

"Only ten days?" Jim stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Right, thank you very much." Jim briskly gathered his son in one arm and his ring box in the other. "Come on boys, one for the road?"

"Thank bloody God." Patrick chuckled. "Honestly, Jimmy. A night with the lads that focused on jewelry shopping! We'll never live it down."

"I'm sorry if I disappoint, Patrick." Jim said dryly.

"No, just have to give you a hard time, mate."

"So how're you gonna do this?" Max asked.

"I've gotta few ideas." Jim pondered. "Max? Are you up to babysit on Saturday night?"

"Could we make it Friday? The Mrs. comes home on Saturday." Max gave him a spread handed shrug that clearly indicated he couldn't miss his lover's homecoming.

"I have some calls to make. I think I'm gonna need it to be an overnight. Sully, could you do that for Daddy?"

"Is it to make Ess part of the family?" Sully asked, ending with a yawn.

"Yes. You see, when you find the person you want to spend your life with, you ask them in a very special way, and you give them lots of time and make it a special night."

"So they say yes?"

"Pretty much." Pat and Max said in unison and then laughed at their own wit. Jim rolled his eyes, and buckled Sully into his seat. It was still early, but Sully was looking beat. "D'you two wanna come home with us? We've got a full liquor cabinet and Ess will be home soon. You know Ess wants to see you, Patrick. Max- not so sure about, but come along anyway." He kidded.

* * *

"He didn't make it past the first three pages." Jim sighed and put the storybook away silently. Together they scooted from the sleeping boys' room and down to their own.

Ess laughed and began undressing. "He was tired out after the guys kept him so late. He was all zonked, poor kid, he told us he loved us about eight times." She could feel Jim's eyes on her as she slowly disrobed.

"Mhmm." Jim came up beside her, letting his hand run down the silk of her back. "I missed being with you today, Baby."

"It's still early." Ess let the suggestion hang in the air.

Jim lightly grasped her hips and turned her to face him. "You're the most beautiful woman in the world. Do you know how much I love you?"

"Remind me again?" She whispered.

"I love-" he began placing gentle kisses across her shoulder blades, "-every delectable inch of you-" his mouth traced the swell of each breast before letting his tongue slowly drag across her taut nipples, "-and every single part of you." His eyes met hers and his smile went from sweet to slightly savage as he dropped to his knees. "Love all of you-" his strong hands cupped her cheeks and trailed downwards to her rapidly warming center, "-inside and out."

She barely had time to gasp as fingers parted her, not entering her, just opening her up for his loving mouth. "Oh!" She let out a strangled gasp and his head snapped back, a guilty expression in his eyes, apology starting to form on his juice- covered lips. "Good noise! Good noise, remember?"

His insides writhed with irritation. It was several months since the scene that scarred them both, and yet he still was hair-trigger sensitive to certain noises. Looking at her face and hearing her talk while making love had gotten rid of most of his doubts and worries, but he wished it was less of an issue. Which always sparked further self-condemnation. You_ wish it was less of an issue? Think about real victims. Do you think they ever learn to relax again?_ And he was sick within himself, because he had been a party to acting out something that should never have existed outside a nightmare.

"I'm sorry. I should know that. Just better to be safe than sorry, right?" He finally replied. She bent down and kissed him, tasting herself on him, surprising him and making his inner turmoil lessen considerably. She walked backwards, sitting on the edge of their bed, and in a single spring he was out of his pants and had her thighs propped over his shoulders. She fell back with a groan of longing.

"This is something I never, ever mind, Jim!" She encouraged. "Unless it's cause I need you inside more." His tongue corkscrewed inside her. "Ohhhh. Oh God. I meant your cock, but your tongue works too."

"I can't see your face, baby." He reminded her, coming up, resting his chin on her clit, making her jolt. "You're going to have to tell me how it's going."

"Then I hope you understand gibberish." Ess sat up just enough for their eyes to meet, her taut abs bubbling as she craned her neck. He winked at her, lovingly squeezing her thighs with his hands, pushing her wider open.

"Gibberish is made up of good noises. If you weren't enjoying it, you would be thoroughly coherent." He licked her from nub to center, and center to the end of her slit.

"Ohh oh, _Jimmy_!" He redoubled his efforts, smiling into her softness as her words became a torrent of pleased moans and excited half-formed sentences as he licked and sucked her to a climax. " That's so- I can't- never- oooh God, Jim, Jim, YES!"

He replaced his mouth with his manhood in a simple switch, standing up at the edge of the bed, her thighs now over his elbows instead of his shoulders. "See? I understood that perfectly."

"Wow." Ess gave him a smile, the natural high of her orgasm giving her face a slightly stoned expression. "You don't usually do that- that something-ly."

"Back to needing more help understanding." He laughed and pulled her hips off the bed, placing one of his knees on it, starting to thrust into her. "I've never licked you that much? That hard? That deep?"

"No. Just that- like that. Like you- I don't know. Something." Ess tried hard to find the right words. "More confidently? Please don't take the at wrong! I can't find the word I need."

Jim slowly pulled himself out, teasing her, watching her lips start to form a pout and then whimper as she was left empty. "Should I do it again so you can try to find the right words?" He slid a finger into her, and like an expert, curled the tip to find her sweet spot and circled it, making her clench and grab at her own breasts.

"No, I want your cock in me, Baby, right now!" She moaned.

"But I'm helping expand your vocabulary." He stubbornly stayed outside, but ran his tip along her folds, making sure to keep his finger buried inside.

"Difficult bastard!" She hissed.

"Well, that's something you've never called me before, so I guess the vocabulary expansion works somewhat." He slipped a second finger in and started the crook fingered, come-hither motion guaranteed to make her cum.

"You've never relaxed that much! Like for once you could play and you could be naughty. More naughty." Ess panted, whimpering as he pushed her hand away from his cock.

"My turn to touch." He insisted, bending down to kiss her fingertips. He brought her off in a flood of juices but didn't remove his fingers. He swirled them around and danced them up, over her nub, and pushed back in, now using his thumb on her slick bead.

"You're in control- and it isn't upsetting you." Ess finally managed to piece her thoughts together.

He froze. Hand removed, position changed, him atop her, sliding all the way up the bed. He cradled her back, eyes raking her eyes. "You felt like I was controlling you? I-" He lowered his head to hers, eyes downcast.

"No, no, no!" Ess bit his lip in sudden vexation. "You_ love_ me! You were teasing me, making it sweeter, making me want it more. That's passion, that's pleasuring. Please-" Her eyes suddenly brimmed and he felt his breath stop completely. "Please don't take this away from me. I'm- we're finally getting over it."

"I'll never take anything from you." He reassured, nodding breathlessly, kissing under her moist eyes. "Please don't cry. I don't think I could stand it." He held her, comforting her with himself, still not penetrating, resting his tip against her.

"Jim..." Her hand snaked down and he caught it just as it was about to reach his stiffness.

"Not yet." He murmured, and used his own hand to guide himself in a teasing circle, rubbing her pleasure center, a finger delving in, pulling back out, and his tip pressing to her opening without ever going in.

The woman's moans were turning into pleas, but there was a smile on her lips. "Go inside." She begged.

"Not yet." He smiled, eyes soft, but lips in a harder smile. "I've got you just where I want you, Sweetie." Her hips bucked at his tip, trying to pull him in. He hoisted her legs over his waist, rubbing his member to her nub with sudden ferocity. She came like that, her fingers clawing his back in ecstasy. As she was cresting he plunged and filled her until he couldn't go in any deeper. "You didn't mind, did you Love?" His voice was no longer teasing but seeking reassurance.

"Not at all." Ess hugged him to her hard. "You feel free to play that game anytime you want." He sighed in relief, and kissed her as he rocked into her, deeper and harder with each thrust. "I wanted to tell you something." Jim stopped with an effort and propped himself on his elbows. "But keep going, please keep going!" She urged and he laughingly obeyed. "I was wondering- if you realized, that I'm not going to leave you if you do something I don't like in bed."

"What didn't you like?" Jim demanded. "You never-"

"You let me finish or I'm going to bite you, Mister!" The petite powerhouse threatened, poking his shoulder.

"Continue." He bit back a grin.

"You're so afraid to hurt me because of what "Spike" did to "Buffy". I think you have this feeling that if you make a false move, I'll be gone, and that you'll deserve it because what we acted out."

"If I hurt you, you _should_ leave." Jim pointed out gently. "Not that I would. But, in general. Women should leave if their boyfriends-"

"No! Accidents happen, and not every experiment is a great success. Just because you happen to be a sex-god whose creativity is nothing short of mind blowing-"

"I'm a sex-god?" Jim looked infinitely pleased with himself and earned another shoulder poke.

"Preen when I'm done making my heartfelt point. I love you so much. I love experimenting with you, learning with you, learning what we're like as a couple. It's okay if it's not perfect, if we mess up. No one leaves if we make a mistake."

"But if I accidentally- pushed too hard or touched you wrong-"

"I'd let you know and you'd change what you were doing." She smiled up at him, her eyes full of trust and her facial features completely relaxed. "And for the record, it's always been the best sex of my life when I'm with you."

He sighed into her mouth as he kissed her. "You know I'll never hurt you on purpose."

"I do. So stop worrying that you'll hurt me accidentally." She ordered.

"I'm trying." He conceded. "I can't just make it go away, that worry."

"Hmm. Get on your back." Ess suddenly commanded.

"What?" He rolled off of her hastily, only to find her slamming on top of him.

"Maybe I can ride it out of you."

"I don't think- sooo," she sheathed him swiftly, "but you can try, okay, what the hell is your pussy doing to me?" She laughed and pinned him down harder, using his strong shoulders for leverage.

"In my mind I call it the 'tip flutter'." She rapidly squeezed the apex of her tunnel on his crown. "By the time I'm done this, you're never going to worry about hurting me again."

"Not true, oh _fuck_!" Jim felt his tip hit something soft but unyielding, and his eyes widened. Ess sat on him triumphantly.

"No one ever took you that deep, huh?"

"No." He agreed.

She ground her pussy onto him, wincing as he hit the soft but unyielding wall again. "I love you. Will _always_ love you. Everything you do to me feels amazing. Are we clear?"

"I'm just trying to protect you, Essie." He whispered. The fire in her eyes didn't abate. She rose all the way off of him and slammed down hard, wincing first and then moaning in pleasure. The air rushed out of him, and he felt himself pulse hard, trapped almost uncomfortably deep inside her squeezing cavern.

"Are we clear?" She leaned over, pressing her forehead to his, making sure he could see the determination in her eyes.

"Yes, darling. Crystal." He gasped. She slipped slowly up him, and hesitated before re-sheathing him. "Essie? Come back?" He tried to piston into her and she smiled, biting back a giggle.

"Not yet." She said saucily, and stroked him with her hand instead. He groaned, head rolling back, and a laugh starting to shake his shoulders.

"I'm gonna pay for earlier, aren't I?" He reached up and lovingly coiled his fingers around hers.

"You gave me _three _before listening to me and coming inside? Am I right?"

His eyes widened. "I- if you- are you serious? Three in a row would wear me out, Babe."

"You do two-for-one specials." She shrugged. "That means I owe you two, and you owe me one more. She skimmed her opening over his tip but refused it admittance.

"Oh God." Jim whispered hoarsely. "I love you."

"For good reason." She laughed and started using her talented hands on him.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	8. Chapter 8

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: Smut warning! Mushy, too. Skim if you gotta._

_Dedicated to Alexiarrose, Ginar369,Touch the Dark, Omslagspapper, Jewel74, Illusera, Sanityfair1, rororrogers, and SwoonforSirius. Thank you for your encouraging words._

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, (including any direct lines from the show) except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine. **_

**Part VIII**

"I need a favor", "I need to set up something", "I need this delivered by Friday." Jim felt like he was never off the phone, and he felt like Ess was going to start suspecting something any minute. Thank God for his beautiful, brilliant little boy, his co-conspirator. Ever since he'd told Sully about his plan to propose to Ess on Friday night, he'd made him his interference runner.

"When I start humming_ Yellow Submarine_, you tell Ess you need something, or want to play, or ask her to read to you, or listen to the guitar- whatever." Jim told him in a hushed voice on Monday night. Sully nodded gravely, then burst into the biggest, naughtiest smile he'd ever seen.

"I'm gonna be like _Spy Kids_."

"Just don't try swinging from the banister or tapping the phone lines." Jim laughed.

He wanted Friday night to be perfect. He had the ring. He had the place. He had the sitter, and a caterer delivering a picnic. What he didn't have, were the words to ask her. And that was kind of all important.

"Max? It's Jimmy. I need help." He finally picked up the phone on Thursday morning, desperation in his voice.

"What is it? Is it Ess, is it Sully?" His buddy was instantly on high alert.

"No, no. I can't talk to either of them. I really want to talk to Ess, but that won't work because - hey, wait a minute- We all live in a yellow Submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine." Jim sang loudly as Ess and Sully came out of the workout room.

"Ess, will you read me a story?"

"Sure thing, honey." Ess looked surprised and delighted, as she had so often done this past week. "Let me grab a quick shower first."

"Okay." Sully agreed and raced upstairs.

"Hey, Baby." Ess mouthed to Jim.

"Hi, Essie. It's Max. He says hi."

"Hey, Max! See you tomorrow!" Ess blew him a kiss and walked upstairs.

"Okay, it's safe." Jim muttered in a hushed voice into the phone.

"Oh no. You've got PTSD after all. Or paranoid schizoid something. I'll be right there. I'll bring prozac."

"Shut up," Jim laughed. "I don't know what I'm going to say to Ess. How to ask her."

"I have two tried and true suggestions for ya. How about 'Will you marry me?' or 'Will you be my wife?' Very popular and highly successful, so I'm told."

"I know that part, the rest of it. It's supposed to be romantic and poetic. I've got a big reputation to live up to!" Jim growled.

"You could sing to her. She loves your voice."

"I can't sing a proposal!" Jim's voice soared. He looked up, panicked, but no shouts from Ess were heard, no audible gasps. Quickly, he stepped out into the garage. "She'll expect something big. She knows how much I love her, how I feel for her."

"Then tell her that and stick 'will you marry me?' on the end." The brunette suggested. "This isn't my thing, dude. I'm the sitter, not the love god. We could try to channel Barry White for you."

"This is hopeless." Jim groaned. "Thanks for giving me your ear to bend, but I- I'll figure it out myself."

* * *

_ "I didn't do a good job, did I? When I popped the so-called question?" Spike glanced sideways at his lover._

_ Buffy nodded absently. "Tomorrow night we'll be home! He's going to propose, and she'll accept, they'll have chosen each other and we will finally go home!"_

_ "Pet..." Spike sighed a caution. "The Powers are very tricky. And you know they've made it hard for us so far. Don't- don't get yourself tickets for a departin' flight just yet."_

_ "I know. I know, over excited girl. What did you ask me?"_

_ "Nothin' really." He smiled softly. "Was thinkin' about my proposal. The one I made up here. Wasn't very good."_

_ "It was perfect!" Buffy denied hotly, eyes flashing._

_ "Not like I'd wanted, Buffy. But I'm not goin' to get all wrapped around it. Cause I still have another proposal to make when I get my girl her big sparkly."_

_ "Spike..." She wrapped her hands around his. "I don't know if we can afford a 'big sparkly'. All I need is you."_

_ "Any ring you fancy, Pet. That's what you'll be gettin' and you won't argue with me." He said forcefully._

_ "I love you." Her face suddenly split in a big grin. "I won't argue unless it's stolen." She watched his face take on a guarded look and mentally just decided to screw the whole condition-making thing. "What the hell. Steal it. If you have to."_

_ "What are you sayin'?" He cried, eyebrows about to hit his hairline in a look of shock._

_ "You've got a soul and you're a good man. You're also a vampire and a demon lives in you. I'm betting there's some larceny still operating inside. Gambling, lying, stealing?'_

_ "If needed." He said stiffly. "And never with one of the 'good guys'."_

_ "Highly commendable." She kissed him happily._

_ "I'm not lettin' you down, Summers." He told her firmly._

_ "I believe in you." She said simply. They both knew there was nothing more to say._

* * *

"There's nothing to say, besides I love you and I want you to be my- my- mine? Or my wife?" Jim practiced in front of the mirror. And it wasn't getting any better. He had a nice plan- he'd rented a beach front cottage for one night. It was quaint, secluded, hardwood floors with French doors facing the sea. He had a picnic supper, complete with chilled champagne, set to be delivered at 7:30 to the cottage. He hadn't ordered flowers and now didn't want to over complicate it further. He was seriously ready to be done with this thing. Confident in her love though he was, he wanted the proposal to be perfect, everything she could want, everything she could dream of.

"Honey! Hurry up!" Ess shouted from the garage.

"Coming!" Jim gave himself a fierce look in the mirror. _Do. Not. Screw. This. Up. _He looked at his cell phone for the time. Noon. Family afternoon outing, in part to make up for the fact that it would be their date night tonight. The movie didn't start until 12:20, he had time.

They had spent the morning at home practicing guitar, playing a new video game, and putting up the new swing set- which Jim had to admit did not go well. He hoped they didn't have an earthquake or monsoon over night, or the new play set would be all over southern California, as opposed to all over the lawn. Now it was time for the ritual of too much popcorn and Disney movies.

"Daddy, is the swing set going be up by tomorrow?"

"Only if Daddy acquires extreme architect skills overnight." Jim laughed. "Essie? You any good at it?"

"I think I read the instructions beautifully this morning." She rubbed his arm and smirked.

"Well, tomorrow, we both assemble and Sul'll read." If I'm not completely exhausted from ravaging my fiancée all night, he smirked.

"You have that smarmy, smirky look on your face." Ess nudged him. Sully let out a muffled giggle and dove into his book bag for his book on tape and stuck his headphones in his ears when Jim glared at him from the rearview mirror.

"What's going on?" She asked suspiciously.

"Date night's got me hot." Jim whispered to her.

"Oh? Something fun?"

"I hope you'll like it." He swallowed.

"Are you nervous about something?" Ess asked softly. "Did Anna call? Or Liz, or something?"

"I'm just- excited." He covered lamely. "Can't talk about with Sul in the car."

"Oooh, naughty Jim." She giggled coquettishly and Jim felt a surge of heat in his groin.

Lord, the things she did to him. Ten seconds ago lust had been his excuse and now it was a reality. He need to be inside her so badly all of the sudden. She met his eyes as her hand slid into his lap, brushing his newly risen bulge. He bit back a groan, lips curling in that unbelievably sexual snarl and he heard Ess make an answering muted whimper of longing.

"Tonight. I promise." He whispered, clutching her hand.

"I don't think I can wait that long." She confessed, casting a nervous glance back to Sully who was happily engrossed in the audio-book and its paperback accompaniment.

"It's- it's like a craving today. A worse craving than usual, I mean."

"You make me feel that way, too." Jim reached over and rubbed her thigh in slow, torturous circles. "We need to stop this for right now."

"I know." But neither of them moved an inch. "Can I say something?"

"Of course." Jim shifted his eyes to the side to meet hers.

"I know you don't like to compare us to our characters, but this is like the severity of a Spike and Buffy craving." Ess hissed. "Like if I don't get you soon, I'm going to crush you to a wall and pull your clothes off."

Jim froze, and didn't speak. He couldn't speak. Spike was passionate. But he was manipulative. He had a flash back to the scene where he and Ess were on the upper level of the Bronze set. The things he had said- whispered in her ear, murky, dark things. Things he could never say to Ess, because he could never hurt her.

"What happened?" Ess hissed, leaning her head close to his.

"Bronze balcony scene." Jim answered woodenly, but at least his hand was touching hers again.

"You have the sexiest voice in the world." Ess whispered.

"It's the things the voice says." Jim countered.

"Remember how much he loves her. He'd do anything for her. Can you blame him for wanting her right there and then?"

"No." He admitted, but he still looked troubled.

* * *

_"I wish they'd stop bringing up the painful bits." Spike mumbled._

_ "It's okay." Buffy comforted. "We got through it. We're stronger now." She gave him one of her sunny smiles and he reluctantly grinned back._

_ "I'm sorry you couldn't trust me back then, Luv. An' lookin' back, guess you were wise to feel that way." He shook his head fiercely, and punched his leg suddenly, viciously, repeatedly. "Stupid! Stupid wanker! What in hell was I thinkin'? What in hell was I playin' at?"_

_ "Stop! Spike, stop!" Buffy's hand shot out and grabbed the fist on it's fifth downward plunge. "I hurt you just as much. God, I wish I could rip out my tongue for every time I ever said you were evil, or beneath me, or anything hurtful. You forced yourself to be whatever I needed, even if I didn't know I needed it. I love you. I loved you then, too. I loved you on all those days we've watched them act out, I loved you during every bad thing they brought up, but I still pushed you away as hard as I could back then."_

_ "Enough, Pet. We do this over and over again, don't we?" He wrapped his hands around hers. "You pushed me 'til I pushed you back- and then I pushed you 'til you slammed me into various bits of buildings and furniture." They shared a smile that only they could really know the depths of. _

_ A pause._

_ "Think they'll understand when we get back?"_

_ "Some won't, some will. But we don't care, do we Luv?"_

_ "No. We don't. If they give us a hard time- well, it's a big world. Lots of evil. We'll move." Buffy forced an unconcerned grin on her face._

_ Spike held her close. "No, Goldilocks. We don't leave your pals again. If they don't like it, we tough it out. Eventually they'll come around." _

_ "What if they don't?" She rested her head on his shoulder, greenish eyes seeking his bluish ones._

_ "Then we call in our favors. They have to be nice to us -as a couple- for one week per life savin'. An' a month for each apocalypse averted. Should get us through the first year." Spike laughed into her hair, and she laughed into his chest as she snuggled deeper into his lap. _

_ "Should we maybe start working out what we're going to say? When we get back?" Buffy asked._

_ "Tell 'em the truth, it'd be easier. An' you know they won't give a damn what you say at first, they'll be so happy you're alive."_

_ "They're gonna be happy you're alive too! Especially Dawn."_

_ "Well, no denyin' that one, Buffy. Bit's gonna squeeze me to death and shriek me to deaf. Thank God I'm a vamp or I wouldn't survive the homecomin'." He laughed, and let a little optimism stir inside his mostly negative mindset. "Maybe we'll get to find out about it tomorrow."_

* * *

"Where are we going tonight?" Ess asked Jim as they arrived home and began unloading the grocery bags they'd picked up on the way from the movies. "Sully, you go on and play, honey." Ess advised. "Here, take the cat food into the sunroom first."

"Little man, I need to talk to you for a little bit before Uncle Max comes."

Sully dragged the cat food out to the sunroom, picked up his kittens and trotted off to play until he was called.

"D'you want me to leave the chicken and edamame out for tomorrow's dinner?" Jim asked as he began unpacking the grocery bags.

"Sure. Where are we going tonight?" Ess asked more pointedly.

"It's a surprise." Jim caged. "We'll leave at 6. It's a surprise I think you'll like."

"Very mysterious." Ess purred, and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm sure I'll love wherever it is."

"I'm- I have to go do something, I'll be right back." Jim fled the kitchen and left Ess standing bemused, holding a bag of fresh green beans and a pound of shrimp, staring after him.

* * *

He packed the overnight bag in a blur, all of his things and her things thrown together in one bag, for sake of stealth. Easier to get one little bag into the trunk of his car rather than two.

"Jimmy? What should I wear though? Is it a formal place, is it casual?"

Oh hell. Now how to answer that without giving it away? Jim pondered quickly. Casual would be nice, it would be a picnic, hopefully on the beach. However, did you want to get proposed to in jeans and a tee shirt? "Something like business casual?"

"Are you kidding me?" Ess hollered up.

"Um, no?" Jim replied.

"You mean I need to wear slacks and a button down shirt?"

"I was hoping more for one of your skirts and nice top. An outfit you really like, okay?" Jim was also dressing in a casual button up white shirt, left unbuttoned over a black tee shirt, and black khaki pants. Locking the door behind him, he began digging through a box of his things, odds and ends from his dresser- there it was, his lighter and the digital camera. Candles. They had candles in the bedroom, he threw those in as well. Lastly, the ring box. He tucked it into the zip pocket of his khakis and pulled the tab.

I still have no idea what to say, he realized. _Hell. Bloody, bloody, _buggering _hell. _"And now I'm channeling Spike." He told his reflection as he brushed his teeth and hair, making sure he looked immaculate for their big night. "Ah well. He does have a way with curses." He gave the mirror his best Spike "You know you want me, Buffy" look and it hit him. He had a brilliant idea- at least for part of it, for how he would propose.

In a flash Jim's phone was to his ear. "Front desk? Is the scenery crew working on the _Buffy_ set? Um, let me speak to the foreman, would you?" A pause. "It's Jim. No, it'll be quick. Yes, I'll hold." Jim bit his lip and spiked his hair nervously, letting the longer hair on top curl sexily. "Oh. Mr. Brooks, Mike? It's Jim. How late are you guys working tonight?... Would it be possible for me to stop over tonight, around 6:30? I wanted to look over some things... What sets are still up? Good! Oh perfect, the crypt is there-but part of it still has the fake debris? No, that's fine. You are a _saint_, dude, and I owe you one! We'll be out of there by 7:30, I promise. Will anyone be on the set? Wonderful."

"Hey, Jimmy." Ess called softly from the hallway. "Can I come in? I need to change."

"Sure, lover." Jim silently unlocked the door and swung it open, keeping the bag tucked behind the door.

"Sul was asking for you. Didn't you need to talk to him before Max gets here?"

"Yeah," he said distractedly, kissing the side of her face, and heading out.

"Babe." Ess put out her hand. "Is- is something wrong? We don't have to go out."

"Yes, we do!" Jim stared at her, making his eyes actually focus for the first time since they left the grocery store, and noticed she looked worried. "Ess, what's the matter?" He wrapped his fingers gently around hers.

"You've been acting a little bit weird this afternoon. I think I shouldn't have talked about work stuff. I'm really sorry, Jim." She heaved a deep breath. "And I know I said we're getting over it, but maybe we're not. And it scares me that maybe I'm the one making it worse."

"What? No, Ess. You're the only one helping me get over it. You're the only one I talk to about- anything bad or weird from the show. I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone else. Not in depth." He pressed his head to hers to stare into her eyes. "I'm distracted because I'm excited to get you alone tonight, and if I don't keep busy, I'm in a world of trouble, Baby. And you know what I mean." He pulled her snugly to himself, letting his pelvis tilt into hers, kissing her breathless and then letting her go.

"Wow." Ess fanned herself.

"That might not have been a very good answer. You were talking about some pretty deep things." He smirked, but his eyes were serious.

"I know. That's okay. As long as there isn't anything bothering you, we're good to go. I'm gonna go shower real quick." She kissed him and gave him a wink. "You look absolutely edible, by the way." The tanned actress sauntered off into the bathroom.

As soon as she shut the door, the actor heaved a sigh of relief, grabbed the small black suitcase and flew down the stairs, jumping the railing about halfway down, no challenge considering the stunts he'd done. "Be right down, Sul!" He yelled as he flew to the living room, grabbing the black acoustic guitar already shut in its case, not on its stand, ran past the basement door and out to the garage. The bag and case safely stowed, he took another deep breath of relief and walked slowly down the stairs.

"Dad. I made something to help you." Sully greeted him with a grave expression.

"Help me?" Jim smiled at him. "Help me what?"

"Make Ess know we love her!" Sullivan rolled his eyes and practically cried "duh". If Jim hadn't been so touched he would have made him give the answer again without the 'tude. But as it was, he sat beside him, voice losing all traces of amusement.

"Thank you, Sul. What'd you make, sweetie?" Jim gave him all the attention in the world, no other thought in his mind except that his little boy was the biggest miracle on earth, the perfect blend of innocence and wisdom, playfulness and kindness, and he was damn lucky to have him.

The child looked around furtively before reaching under a couch cushion and pulling out a slightly wrinkled piece of white drawing paper. "I hid it, in case Ess came down here." He spread it across Jim's lap and began explaining his art work, pointing to the page as he went. "See? Here are all three of us, and Mist and Stripes. And I put in the three hearts because there are three of us. And the paw prints are for Mist and Stripes. And this says 'we love you really much' and this says 'familee'. Is that spelled right?"

"Spelled fine." Jim said gruffly.

"Dad! You're dripping on the paper!" Sully snatched the paper off of Jim's legs and blew on it frantically. Jim dabbed the water spot from his single tear with the hem of his shirt, and placed it carefully on the coffee table, before grabbing Sully in a bone bruising hug.

"I love you." He rubbed his damp cheek to his son's forehead. "My little boy. That- that's the best gift. God, Sully, the ring is going to look pretty shabby next to this." He gently picked the paper up again and stared at it admiringly. "You're right. This is really going to help." Sully beamed, and Jim gave into his gnawing fear a little bit. "Hmrmm." He cleared his throat. "You didn't do this- just to be polite or anything?"

"Polite?" Sully frowned inquisitively.

"I think Ess will love it. I just want you to give it 'cause you want to give it, not because you feel like you have to." Jim tried to explain in simple terms.

"Do I have to?" Sully asked.

"No, son. Not at all." Jim rubbed his back.

"But can I anyway?"

"Yes! It's a beautiful job. Here, we'll put it right in this pocket, next to the ring. I'll give her both tonight." He hugged him again. "You know if you need to talk to me about this, anything that bothers you or you wonder about, you can always come talk to me. Always."

"Daddy? This whole thing is a lot of thinking. Kind of-weird. But I still like it."

"Good." Jim breathed quietly.

Then the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Sully shouted and tore off. Jim followed much more slowly._ If Ess turns me down, I'll- I don't know what I'll do now. She'd be rejecting both of us. She won't reject us at all, what am I thinking? But just in case... the ring first, wait until we get a solid yes, then the picture. Just so she doesn't choose for his sake. She's got to want _me.

Xander's counterpart clomped down the stairs, towed by Sully. "Jim. You look- surprisingly not in need of a straight-jacket." He came over to his friend who was slowly rising from the couch. "Good luck. She's gonna say yes." He rubbed Jim's nearest shoulder furiously. "Now, did you figure out what to say?"

"Sort of."_ Really wish he hadn't mentioned that._ "But I have a pretty clever idea to go with it. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow."

"Aren't you gonna call and say goodnight?" Sul looked slightly freaked out at that prospect.

"Yes, sweetie, we will call and let you know what- what's going on." Jim pulled Sully into a hug.

"I'm ready, is Max here?" Ess's voice drifted down, sounding like she was halfway between the first and second floor.

"No one mention anything." Jim ordered violently, and stormed the stairs. "We're coming up! Max is here. Now, in case we're late, bedtime is at 8:30 sharp. Dinner is left over veggie lasagna. PG or G movies. Cats in the sunroom- if you want to put them there after Sully goes to bed." Jim rattled off instructions.

"Yes, mein herr." He gave a mock salute, and Jim gave him a mock sideways punch.

"Yo, Bro!" Ess clicked her way into the kitchen, in white summer strappy heels, a calf length white flowy skirt and a soft clinging pink shirt.

"You look beautiful. Can't believe you're mine." Jim came and put his arm across her waist.

"Got him on a leash, Essie." Her on screen and offscreen best buddy kissed her cheek in greeting. "Which is good, cause y'know he bites."

"Not the likes of you." Jim gave him an intimidating Spike-like glare. "Alright. We're ready to go?" Ess nodded. "Thanks man. Have a nice time. Sully, be good. I love you." He folded him in a longer than normal hug.

"I love you, too, Dad." Sully held back tight, a strange look on his face.

"Night Sully." Ess bent and kissed his head swiftly, gasping slightly as the boy wrapped both arms around her neck and pulled her into a tight, chokingly tight, hug.

"Love you, Ess."

"I love you too!" She hugged him back and his arms slowly fell away. He bolted to Jim again, latched on to his waist.

"Have fun now." Jim whispered softly, and tenderly stroked the child's velvety cheek. Ess felt a weird prickle in her spine. Something had passed between father and son. She didn't know if it was a good or bad thing.

"Come on, Suslter!" Max's voice boomed into the stillness, shattering it effectively. "I challenge you to some Madden Football madness." He hoisted Sully up in a football hold, making him laugh and look a little bit dizzy. " Have fun, you two!"

Jim seized Ess's hand and pulled her out to the car. "Hope you like the surprise, Darling."

"I'm beyond excited and curious to see where we're going." Ess slid into her seat and scooted her skirt free before Jim could shut the door on it.

"You'll see soon." He put on the radio for some distraction noise, trying to alleviate some of the need to talk. God knows how he would say anything around the heart in his throat.

"Do I get a hint?"

"Sure. Let me see. You've been there before. And when you see the place, please don't slap me." Jim felt himself relax as his sweetheart's hand caressed his neck.

"That just confuses me." Ess laughed.

"Then I'm doing my job." He teased.

"You're so bad."

"I'm good when I'm bad." He preened, licking his lips.

"Don't you dare get me all ready for you again. We still have someplace to be, and the way I've been feeling all day - we'll end up at a cheap motel instead of whatever nice thing you have planned."

"You guessed!" Jim pretended to look shocked and disappointed. "And I worked so hard..."

"Oh come on, Jim." She laughed. He turned his blue eyes to her, making them melt, putting his soul in them. "Oh! Oh, Jimmy, I didn't- I mean a night away with you anywhere would be-"

"I don't know whether to be flattered you have such implicit faith in my honest nature, or worried that I'm so good that I convinced you." Jim laughed, dodging her cuffing blows on his arm as she lashed back in wounded pride.

"I knew you were kidding! Yes, I did. Totally duped you with my big comforting look-"

"Truce! You're gonna mess up my hair." He fended her off.

"This better be one damn nice place." She pouted, lowering her hands.

Jim gulped. "Here we are."

"We're at the _studio_?" Ess gaped.

"Mmmhmm. Trust me on this." He spoke with much more confidence than he felt.

He took her arm and led her into the studio. He felt like the ring box weighed a ton, felt like he might as well limp, felt like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but she didn't even look down.

"Good evening, you two." The front desk guard waved them in.

"We don't come here that often in the summer. Did they know we were coming? What are we doing here?" Jim smiled secretively. Ess looked over her shoulder as they headed out to the set where they spent about sixty hours a week, almost every week, of the year. "What are we doing here?" Ess repeated.

"Field trip." He walked her inside and wandered towards the Bronze set, the balcony and the lower level joined by riser platforms. "This is the first place we danced together."

"We never danced-" Ess stopped. "Oh. We did."

"I don't remember the band. But they weren't bad. You were- you were amazing."

"You were very kind. I was- what got me acting that way?"

"Ashley made you a bet that she could out dirty dance you."

"I don't think we won." Ess laughed.

"No one won. Pat called it off, said we were going to end up filmed and on the net if we didn't stop. 'Buffy the Vampire Layer', he said."

"So you brought me here to remind me that I'm a sleaze on the dance floor?"

"I brought you here, because you chose me to dance with. Max was there, Patrick, and any number of the young hotties who play vamps or those soldier boys. But you picked me. Why?"

"Cause- I felt- like I could do what I wanted, get wild, and you would act it out with me and not let me make a fool of myself."

Jim pulled her into a little bump and grind, before pulling her into an exterior stairwell, one leading to the balcony. Here he pushed her head back to the wall gently and began fervently kissing her.

"Wait- I know this one." Ess interrupted the kiss.

"Illuminate, Lover."

"First kiss after the musical. We had just gotten a few weeks advance of scripts." Her voice lowered.

"And we knew it was only going to get worse. And the stage directions- dark and sexual."

"We couldn't talk about it until the day's filming was over and even then, we could only make jokes." She cocked her head. "There's something else, too. What, what am I trying to remember?"

"They had us in shadowy light, and no one minded if it was obscure. Something to do with how obscure the emotions were."

"Hey! Yeah. That was the first time we just were able to relax and orchestrate a kiss the way it felt natural."

"Not that I was getting the vibe I get now-" He hastily clarified as she nodded her firm agreement, "but I was so freakin' glad I had you for those scenes. 'Cause I could trust you, Ess." Then he pointed up to the balcony. "And we already talked about up there today. But just remember I've got you, and I'm not gonna let you fall."

"This is a really, really meaningful surprise, Jim. Thank you." Ess kissed him.

"There's more." They walked through all the different town front sets until reaching the cut out rooms of the Summers' house.

"Here's the living room. We crashed on this couch so many times."

"Yeah and not all of us fit," Ess laughed. "I know what you're getting at. I used to 'call' your lap to sit in, just cause it pissed you off."

"It did not!" Jim laughed. "Okay, maybe a little." He gestured out front to the fake turf and the fake trees and shrubs. "This is where I've gotten to see some of the best foot work and martial arts ever done. You amaze me, Essie." She blushed.

"Spike always waits for Buffy here." Ess caressed the gnarled faux wood tree.

"And I always waited for you in-"

"Dressing room hallway, left hand corner of where the hallway meets the set." Ess said automatically. "Wow. We're predictable."

"But only this year. This year is when I started making sure you walked out okay. Because I didn't know if you would some days. I didn't know if any of us would some days." He shrugged, not quite looking at her.

"Why are you-"

"No questions yet." Jim shushed her.

"Fair enough, it's your surprise. Lead on, McJim."

"For that comment, I ought to just leave you in suspense." She pouted. "But I won't." They walked another long way to "Spike's crypt."

"It's a lot of little things that make people fall in love. Humor, admiration, friendship, trust." Jim murmured, leading her over to the set for the upper level of Spike's crypt. Ess nodded, opened her mouth, and then closed it, smiling tightly, her eyes over bright with hints of tears.

He took a deep breath and started humming. Ess tilted her head as she recognized the tune. "I know I should go, _But I follow you like a man possessed, there's a traitor here beneath my breast, and it hurts me more than you've ever guessed, if my heart could beat, it would break my chest -" _Jim dropped to one knee and Ess gasped at him, a hand flying to her mouth. "That's all true, Ess. And so is the line _You've got a willing slave_. I would do anything in the world for you. Those are the only verses that mirror our characters _and _ourselves." He looked up at her, and she nodded, waiting for him to continue. "Even though it hasn't been very long, we're kind of like Buffy and Spike. We hate to be compared to them, but we have some similarities. Professional work that turned into a personal relationship. Friendship that built into this amazing love, that I can't deny. A relationship that wasn't the smartest or the safest thing to jump into. But I jumped. And I'm hoping-" he slowly unzipped the pocket, thanking God he remembered to kneel on the opposite leg so he wouldn't fumble this, "I'm hoping- you'd take the fall with me." He slid out the white box and looked up at her. "I love you. Marry me?"

"Wh- what?" Ess dropped to her knees as well, her hands trembling as they brushed the closed lid of the ring box.

"Marry me?" Jim repeated. Not a good sign. She needed it repeated and she wasn't all smiles and immediate positive responses. "I know it's fast-"

"You're sure you want me?" Ess looked at him in amazement.

"Yes." He resisted the urge to add on a playful put down, such as "you idiot", but didn't. Ess looked shocked and bewildered.

"How did you know?" She whispered, hands now cradling the box as it rested in his palm.

"Know?"

"Know that I already knew. I knew two weeks ago. I knew two _months_ ago, that I could never let you go, and I wanted you to stay forever."

"I'm offering forever, Ess." Jim reached over her shaking fingers and pried the lid open. "All you have to do is say-'

She cut him off before he could even finish the sentence. "Yes! Yes! Oh, Jim! Jim, _yes_!" She was sobbing. Elated, hiccuping sobs, that were contagious. He drew her to his chest, both of them laughing and crying, sprawled on the floor, knees, shoes and skirts in a tangle. She was kissing him frantically, and he could barely breathe. Oh well, if I suffocate, I'll have gone very, very happy, he thought in a ludicrous moment. _And she still hadn't put the ring on. She said yes to me, not the jewelry._ Jim's ego swelled to dangerous levels.

"Here, Baby. Let me put it on." He took her third finger and curled it over his own, slipping the ring from the box and onto its new home. "My Ess."

"My Jim." She echoed, staring in shock at the band. "It's beautiful."

"Beautiful ring for a beautiful woman." He whispered, kissing her hand. She couldn't tear her eyes from the ring for about half a minute. At last she looked up at his face with a wondering expression.

"Thank you." She whispered. "It's really beautiful."

"You're welcome." He kissed her sweetly. And then harder, elation fueling his possessive streak as he grabbed the back of her head and held her in the kiss until they could barely breathe. "Thank you. For being mine. For saying yes."

"Did you think I wouldn't?" She laughed incredulously.

"Not exactly. But I was- nervous." Jim smile was shy, the merest hint of seriousness under it. "Oh hey, here-" he helped her up. "There's grit all over this floor, your pretty skirt'll get dirty."

They stood up, and Ess promptly leaned on him for support. "Essie?" He braced her with one arm, pulling her shoulders straight with the other.

"Knees are all wobbly. Never been proposed to before."

"If you don't count your 80,000 fan proposals?"

"Totally not counting those." She shook her head to clear it and stared at the ring again.

"Do you like it?" Jim asked with a trace of trepidation. He had stopped short of asking if it was too small. If it was, he would personally take the box and shove it down Patrick's throat, yank it out, and attack Max with it. Sully was just a kid, what'd he know about jewelry?

"I love it! It's perfect. How'd you know? To get this one?" Ess asked, gently twisting her hand so the ring caught the light.

"Pat, Max, and Sully helped." Jim admitted. "I'd like to say I have impeccable taste in jewelry, as well as women, but I was worried enough to get a second, third, and fourth opinion." She laughed and buried her head in his shoulder, as he pulled her close and they walked out, arms around each other's waist.

"Where are we going now?" Ess asked.

"More surprise." He waltzed her around suddenly. "My fiancée."

"Mine!" She giggled. "We have to call my mom! We have to call _your_ mom! We have to call everyone!" Ess suddenly froze in mid-turn, and Jim thanked heaven for his reflexes, also coming to an abrupt halt before colliding with her. "The guys already knew?" She demanded.

"Yeah. But they were sworn to secrecy under threat of violent slaughter, or in Sully's case, loss of all television and video game privileges." Her face had taken on an odd, nervous cast, her hands were slipping from his arms.

"Sully. Tonight when you left- he was upset wasn't he? All clingy. He- he didn't want you to ask me, did he?"

"That is _not_ true." Jim countered somberly, voice dropping into a near growling register.

"You don't have to cover for me!" Ess gave his hand a hard squeeze. "You- you can ask again when he's ready, and in the meantime you'll know-"

"What are you saying?" Jim resisted the urge to shout. This was not happening, she was not changing her mind.

"I'm saying, I really want Sully to accept me before you and I do this."

"Oh. Oh good." Jim breathed. "That's a relief." No problem there, he mentally cheered.

"That's a _relief_?" Ess looked kind of hurt. She had been trying to be noble, and now Jim was just shrugging off her self sacrifice.

Jim caught the irritation in her voice and smirked for a just a hint of a second. Knowing she had accepted him so enthusiastically was going to make him humble and grateful. And also a little bit unbearably smug. They were walking out of the set area, and passing newer scenery, a dark and dusty looking boiler room. Hardly the place to stop and have a romantic conversation, but if you can confess your love in a crypt, you can confess your son's love in a boiler room, he told himself. "Sit down, Baby."

"Not on the floor. There's some kind of black finish on it. I wonder what they'll have us doing in here." Ess said in a strained voice.

"Nothing good, I imagine." Jim sighed, and sat himself down on the edge of a wooden table. "Now you sit here-" he arranged her on his lap, and reached back into his zipper pocket, "-and you look at this." He handed her Sully's folded drawing, trying not to tear up immediately and give it away. Let her see for herself how much the kid wanted her around.

Ess didn't speak as she slowly looked at the picture, her fingers softly tracing the crayon lines, and silent tears forming and then spilling over, which Jim attentively kept wiping away. "Oh," was all she said when she finally spoke. And you can put a lot into one syllable, Jim recalled. There was realization, relief, love, awe, and happiness all churning around in that split second utterance.

"He did it himself this afternoon. I didn't ask him to. He did it because he loves you and wants you around. You make both of us happy. So it's still yes, right, Ess?"

Ess nodded, throat too tight to speak. And then her hiccuping, laughing sobs started up again and he joined in again, this time only laughing, brushing away her tears. "You need to stop, honey, or you'll dehydrate. Must have lost a gallon of fluid in ten minutes." He rubbed his knuckle gently under her eye and she sniffed mightily in an effort to stem the waterworks.

"I- don't care." She sniffed, a laugh working its way in as well. "It's the best day of my life now. I c-can cry all I want." She started over again.

" But you're getting all worked up. You're starting to sound like 'Tara'."

"St-stop." She giggled, with one more hiccup.

"C'mon, you." He tugged her up and out to the parking lot.

* * *

"More surprises?" Ess reminded him of their earlier conversation.

"You shall see." He smiled mysteriously. "And I believe you were creating a list of phone calls. Do you want to wait until the second surprise is over?" He contained his sly smile, knowing the surprise was overnight, but aware that she didn't.

"Let's just call Sully. Let's call him as soon as we get to the car." Ess began to run, and Jim chased after her, watching the humid wind whip her hair and skirt around as she flew.

She's all for me, he thought, and he doubled his pace, easily catching her and swooping her around, with the ease of someone who has caught his quarry many times before.

"That's another thing you're good at. Better than anyone else anyway." Ess laughed as he lifted her above his head in the near-deserted lot of the studio. "You're good at catching me when they hurl me into you."

"I just know how to fall, sweetheart." He smiled. "Fell for you literally and figuratively, didn't I?"

"You're going to make bad jokes all night, aren't you?" She winced.

"No, just until we get to the next stop." He smiled, and held out his phone. "Call the house."

They had barely sat in the car together before the phone was answered. Sully must have told Max to put the phone right beside him, wherever they were, Jim thought silently, a pleased expression on his face.

"Hello?" A child's voice demanded.

"It's us." Jim called into the speaker. He and Ess were holding the phone in front of their pressed together heads. "I asked Ess."

"What did she say?" Sully sounded perfectly confident, and Jim knew he expected a positive response. Thank God he was able to give one.

"I said yes, I want to marry your dad and be in your family!" Ess answered.

"WOOOOO! UNCLE MAX, SHE SAID YES!" Sully shouted at the top of his lungs. Ess shrieked with laughter and Jim shoved the phone to a safe distance.

"CONGRATULATIONS!" He yelled into the phone as well, even louder.

"Hey! No deafening. He's a kid, you're not! You've got no excuse for screaming like a banshee in my ear." Jim griped.

"Did you like my picture?" Sully asked in his normal tone of voice, while Max muttered in the background, something between congratulations, an apology for deafening them, and complaint about boring people with their boring phones. Ess and Jim exchanged an amused glance, and then Ess's face became serious.

"Sully, I love your picture. I am so happy- I am _honored_, to be in your family." She said in a barely shaking voice. Jim squeezed her knee.

"Me too!" Sully said. "Did you like the ring, too? I helped pick it out."

"So did I!" Max chimed in, voice loud, but farther away.

Jim shook his head in defeat, and Ess chuckled. "I love the ring. Good work, team. I'll have to tell everyone about your secret jewelry buying prowess, Max-man."

The couple heard some muffled conversation on the other end of the line, and then Sully's voice piped up. "We love you both very much and-what? Oh, sorry, we both love you very much, and are gonna let you go consummate now."

"What?_ Maximilian_!" Jim yelped, and Ess shoved her elbow over her mouth to prevent her guffaw from getting out.

"_Celebrate_! Celebrate, Jim! I swear, that's what I said."

"No, you didn't!" Sully protested.

"Enough! Ess and I are going to get on to the next part of our evening." Jim rubbed the bridge of his nose, staving off a pang of headache. "We love you both, too. Some more than others." He added significantly, and hung up.

* * *

_"Any second now..." Buffy repeated, for maybe the tenth time._

_ "Luv..."_

_ "Shhh! Any second now..." She squeezed her eyes shut and willed them home with every ounce of concentration._

_ "Buffy, Luv..." Spike's voice was more firm this time._

_ "Stop talking! It's not going to work if you're talking!" Buffy glared at him, desperation in each syllable. Spike nodded, and bowed his head, looking at their linked hands, and then up at her. _Such a brave beauty. My girl could move the world and turn back time if she only had long enough.

_ Buffy bowed her head, letting the tops of their heads touch as they sat, facing each other, hands locked. She'd been sitting like that since before Jim and Ess even left the house. "He's gonna propose and she'll say yes, they'll have made their choice and we can go home. Here, don't let go of me. We're not getting ripped apart in some cross-dimensional whirlwind." Spike gently tried to point out that it might not happen, but fell silent when he saw the hope in her eyes. _

Let her hope for a bit. We might be headin' out, after all._ Even in the timeless void, they could tell the night was passing. Spike drew them deeper and deeper into their shadowy shield. No more watching the other halves tonight. Too painful to see it all coming together, but not taking them with it._

_ "Buffy." She didn't shush him this time. "Buffy- I'm sorry,"_

_ "Not your fault." She said in a small voice._

_ At times like this, when she curled up against him, he couldn't believe the things he had seen his woman do. Fight things that had scared him shitless, and never backed down. Even when beaten she remained unbowed. And now she looked like a scared little girl, deserted and alone. He rocked her against his chest, one hand still clasped in hers, the other cradling her back. "Don't fret, Luv."_

_ "Don't try to make me angry, okay? I know you try to get me to fight back because it gives me determination and stuff. But there's nothing that I can fight in here, but you. And that won't solve anything."_

_ "I wasn't tryin' to cheer you, I was tryin' to offer you some comfort. An' as for fightin', you might be surprised how much it helps. You know you always like a bit of the rough and tumble." He gave her a mischievous grin that failed to reach his eyes. Her smile barely even twitched the corners of her mouth before her head dropped down into the cleft of his shoulder again. Slowly, sobs began to rack her body and Spike grew truly worried. Some tiny part of him had expected the whole "whiz-boom, back to the smoldering remains of Sunnyhell" to occur. But it hadn't. He hadn't seen her cry like this in - well, it was timeless realm for them, but in a very long "time". And it scared him. They were equally matched. She rallied him and he rallied her. Without her strength, he had to use his bluff and bluster._

_ "Right then. We've got a puzzle, haven't we?"_

_ "Not now, Spike."_

_ "Yes, now. You think your Watcher'd hold off on the research? Now, let me see. Think like a borin', nancy priss named Rupert..." That earned him a swift slap to the chest, but he didn't mind. "I tend to tune him out, actually, Pet. What load of tosh would he lead off with?"_

_ "He'd suggest staking you to shut you up." Buffy said dryly. They shared a slow smirk._

_ "Yes, an' after you fend him off because of your secret, maddenin' desire for me, he'd say...?"_

_ "To consult some humungous book in some unreadable language. Then tell Willow to get on the computer, because he's afraid to get on himself."_

_ "Even I'm better at technology and I've been dead for longer than he's lived. What's the deal?"_

_ "I don't think it helped that his first encounter with the internet was when a demon was scanned into the school's system and tried to kill all of us."_

_ "Now, somehow I've missed that tale. Good for later, yeah? Back to what he'd actually say next though, bein' as we are short on books."_

_ "Umm. I actually- used to tune him out a lot too." Buffy admitted sheepishly._

_ "Knew I loved you for more than just the hot little body."_

_ "Shh! Trying to think!" Buffy massaged her temples. "You know this isn't actually going to help, right?"_

_ "But it keeps your mind off it." Spike said firmly, coldly. He wouldn't allow any pity to derail her once she'd stopped sobbing._

_ "He'd probably ask what the Powers said. And then I'd say we have another half in another dimension. They have to overcome obstacles and choose each other. Once they do, we get to go home."_

_ "Wait." Spike had a good memory. Came with holding grudges, plotting revenge, and meeting a whacking great number of people it didn't do well to forget over the last hundred some years. "That isn't_ exactly _what they said."_

_ "Yes, it is." Buffy defended heatedly._

_ "No, it isn't _all_ they said."_

_ "Are you sure you remember? You were busy threatening to give everyone black eyes and 'damn good thrashin's' if they didn't let me go. Kind of heroic. Really heroic. And dumb."_

_ "Told you my blood doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my head. 'Specially not where you're concerned, Luv." He gave her a brief seductive smile and then moved back to the subject at hand. "They said the other halves must choose each other- like us."_

_ "Isn't that basically what I said?" Buffy demanded. He growled at her and she backed off. "Okay, sorry. The vamp from California still has the floor."_

_ "They also said 'The same choices must be made.' Not just about choosing each other. Choices in general."_

_ "Then we're so screwed. Who chooses to become stuck in a void?"_

_ "I did know this one bloke- but no, anyway, choices. Choices that they could make. We know they don't deal in the mystical."_

_ "And- and it would have to be choices _we_ could still make, because we don't have access to the physical!" Buffy looked pleased with herself. "Spike! Giles would be so proud of us! Go me!"_

_ He choked back a laugh. If she accepted his demon, he could accept her inner blonde. "So choose each other- check. Choices we can still make, and they can still make. List?" _

_ "Sure, I've got my ethereal ballpoint in my ethereal purse." Buffy griped._

"Mental_ list." Spike brooded for a minute._

_ "Intangible stuff. Love. Trust. Acceptance. I think we both have those." _

_ "Gotta be somethin' else then." _

_ "Choices could mean decisions?" Buffy looked thoughtful. "Ooh! I know! We both decided to get married. And therefore we should be _home_ by now." She glared upwards, fully expecting the Powers to see it._

_ "Partnership, workin' together. We've both done that."_

_ "Children. We want some- if we could. I mean, it says a choice and a choice is a want, even if you might not get it. Right?" Buffy felt his arms tighten around her and gave a brief nod._

_ "They've already got a li'l boy." Spike said hoarsely. "Tiddler's a given."_

_ "What are we missing?" Buffy looked up at him with hopeful eyes. _

_ He hated to disappoint her. "I dunno, Luv." They sat in silence again. The only motion in the cloud-like nest was Spike's comforting rocking._

_ "Tell me we're gonna get home?"_

_ "We're together, Luv. That's home." Spike avoided the question. He wasn't going to lie to her right now, even for false hope. "Init? You and me? Birds in our little nest agree an' all that?"_

_ "I guess. I mean, yes." Her eyes met him full of love and a tiny spark of fire. "We're 'home'. We're going to get _back_ home, too. We've already started changing. We're on the right path."_

_ "Buffy?"_

_ "Yes?"_

_ "Your lips are pink. Very, very light, pale pink." Spike, in all the grief, and closed eyes, and bowed heads, hadn't looked at her properly, at least not below the eyes. He kissed them like he was getting a little taste of heaven. _

_ "Seriously?" Buffy asked, inspecting him as he pulled back. _

_ "Oh, very seriously, Luv. So what I think, is this then. They've started their journey. Maybe the finish line is-"_

_ "The wedding?" Buffy cried. _

_ "Makes sense to me. So get comfy. These famous types alway take for-bleedin'-ever to get hitched."_

_ "Yeah, I'm all about the being legally bound to the man I love. Screw the dress."_

_ "I will, Pet, if you're still in it." Spike's eyes took on a sudden predatory gleam and his tongue traced over his lips. Buffy sat back, puzzled._

_ "What?"_

_ "Let's see if anything else of yours is turning pink, shall we?"_

* * *

"You rented a beach front cottage? In Malibu?" Ess looked incredulously at her partner.

"Yes." He couldn't really deny it. There was nothing else out on this lonely stretch but secluded lanes of property, weekend homes for the wealthy, or homes for the shrewd businessman to rent out for those wanting to live the dream. He scanned the signs for the small road they would take to the out crop of the beach. Thanks to the longer days, they still had plenty of natural light, and he would still make it to the place in time for a sunset picnic.

"We're never going to make it home at a decent hour!" Ess laughed, not angry, but surprised.

"I know. Everyone's having a sleep over."

"You've got to stop spoiling me!" Ess protested. "Honestly, I- is that the place?"

"It is." Jim beamed at her reaction. The cottage was white stucco with black shutters and big white rose bushes out front, with white ribbons wrapping around the wrought iron railings. "I told the man it was for my fiancée and I to celebrate our engagement. As to spoiling you- you are only getting engaged once, sweetie." He said significantly. "I want it to be memorable." He gave out a contented sigh as he helped her from the car. "However, after we get back to the realities of bills and fees, I guess I won't be able to spoil you like you deserve. But that's okay, isn't it?"

"It's beyond okay. All I want is to be with someone who really loves me. And accepts me. And in terms of tangibles, all I'm looking for is meaningful presents for major holidays and life events and date nights once a week."

"Will do, Love." He kissed her cheek and slid her fingers through his. "Let me just get our over night items..." he pulled the black bag out of the trunk and Ess reverently picked up the guitar case and held it in her free hand, "and dinner should be here."

"You thought of everything." Ess gaped.

"No, I _panicked_ everything together." He admitted. He slid the key out of his wallet and into the lock, swinging the door open to reveal a beautiful hardwood floor and classically elegant dining room. "But I think it looks beautiful..." They found the picnic and champagne sitting inside the alcove as they opened the door. "mainly because you're in the middle. You like?"

"Perfect. Like you. You're so sweet. You really are a romantic."

"And you're just finding this out now?" He laughed.

The cottage had a hard wood living room with soft blue and off-white couches and long off-white drapes surrounding the french doors. "It opens right on the beach. And providing no freak storms or gusts, we're having a sunset picnic outside."

"Do you wanna check out the bedroom first?" Ess threaded her hands through his hair, watching his head roll back, and he plopped the bag down on the nearest couch.

"We should eat soon or we'll miss the sunset, lover."

"We could be quick..." Ess mouthed his ear and nipped his neck.

"Ess, stop tempting me. Our first time as an engaged couple is going to be special. And take a very, _very_ long time." Jim savored the feeling of her kisses and let out a harsh breath before kissing every inch of the cheek and neck he could reach while she was working on his ear.

"But you tempt me, all the time." Ess breathed, raking his shirt up so she could get at his skin, his muscles.

"I'm not trying to. Not all the time." He admitted with a sultry smile. Her hand found his zipper and he groaned as she tried to work her thumb into his waist band. "Wait, wait. Dinner first. If you can't wait for dessert, we'll come back in."

"Sunset means that much?"

"It's the memory you're going to keep, the day you got engaged, the things we did. So yes, it means that much."

They ate the cold chicken picnic and all the fancy little hors d'oeuvres and washed it down with champagne, just enough for a toast. Then they walked the beach, trousers rolled up and skirt hiked so they could walk in the breaking waves. Ess walked farthest from the water, her ring hand held out in the air, as far away from the water as possible.

"Will you stop that? I feel like I'm holding onto a tightrope walker." Jim admonished.

"This ring is not getting lost in the Pacific."

"Then let's go put it back in the box. We'll lock it in the house or the car." Jim suggested patiently.

"This ring does NOT leave my finger!" Ess looked aghast.

"Oh, fine then. Me and my tightrope walker, out for a stroll." Jim sighed.

"You know you love me for my eccentricities." She said complacently.

"Such as the ability to judo flip a three hundred pound man in a slippery rubber suit and recite whole sections of every performance you ever gave?"

"Hey! You have strangeness too! The ability to jump neatly through glass windows without getting cut, and play music without the notes- and a really, curly tongue." Jim turned sharply and quirked his scarred eyebrow. "And really flexy eyebrows..."

"My _eyebrow_ makes you hot?" He laughed, but it was a dark, deep laugh that made her center liquify almost instantly.

"You're going to be my husband. Everything about you is going to get me hot." Jim looked at her open mouthed. "What?"

"You said husband. I like it. I mean- I've been called it before. But I like it better now. This time around, I know what it's worth." Ess blushed and ducked her head into his shoulder.

"Does anything about me get you hot?"

"What, are you stupid?" Jim laughed hoarsely, and ducked a blow that wasn't pulled. "Essie, every single part of your body makes me insane. You have the prettiest face, and the sparkling eyes and those cute little lips. Plus, oh my God, under the clothes..."

They exchanged a a sideways look. "Oh, look. The moon's rising." Ess said in a falsely surprised voice. "No more sunset."

"Race you?" Jim asked, his voice getting raspier with desire.

"Oh yeah." Ess tore off at a sprint and Jim lunged after her.

He caught her just as she passed through the door, and they both skidded, her first, him immediately after, in a puddle of melted ice that had been in the champagne bucket, and went flying across the polished floor. "Essie!" Jim grabbed her, swung her to the front of him and landed on his rear, with her flopped across him. "You okay?"

"You do know how to fall." Ess laughed. She started to rise, and Jim pulled her back down.

"Not yet." He muttered, kissing her. She pulled him back and his hands found the waist band of her skirt and tugged.

"We'll ruin the floor." She gasped. "It's polished wood."

"We'll move in a second." Jim panted hungrily. No one moved, in a second or in the next five minutes.

"We're ruining the floor." Ess whimpered as his hands found her sweet spot inside with one probing finger. Jim looked up, saw the white linen table cloth hanging off the edge of the dining room table, and tugged. Two candle sticks flew down around them, and then Jim threw the table cloth on the floor and rolled them onto it.

"There. We can move though, if you want. Special engagement first time."

"We'll, I've never been on a table cloth before..." Ess teased.

"Then we'll have the first course here, and move to the bedroom after..." He purred, before his mouth plummeted down to devour her.

About fifteen minutes later, the couple, naked and covered with streaks of various fluids, walked to the master bedroom. That is to say, Jim walked and Ess was wrapped around him, her legs crossed around his waist and her arms clinging desperately around his neck as one strong arm clutched her mid back and the other swung the black valise along.

"This is nice." Jim looked around pleased as they entered the large airy bedroom, simply furnished, everything in white and blue, a big queen size bed in the center, flanked by two windows. Jim tried to set Ess on top of the plush white comforter but she wouldn't let go. "Hey! I've got candles to light, missy. If you don't want singed cheeks you should let me put you down." Ess slid off, with a pout, dropping to her knees on the bed. He pulled out the two pillar candles that were usually on Ess's dresser and his lighter, and Ess crawled to the edge of the bed and stretched to open the windows. The ocean breeze and crash of the waves gave the perfect, soothing but relentless background noise.

"Relentless." Ess murmured.

"What was that, precious?" Jim lit the last candle and returned to the bed.

"The waves are relentless. They just pound and pound." She turned to look at him, a frown tracing her lips. "I'm not poetic, and yeah, I know it's been going on for years and years, but it just reminded me of you."

"Large and crashing into things?" He came beside her and stroked her neck, kneading her shoulder with his fingers.

"Large, yes..." She closed her eyes, head lolling back. He took the opportunity to move closer and planted a kiss on her cleavage. "But relentless. You never stop. Stop helping me. Stop loving. Stop until I'm ready to stop. That's so amazing. I love you, Jim."

"Love you, too." He pulled her close and she magically, as if able to read his thoughts as well as his body language, sat astride him, his legs crossed under hers, her legs wrapping around his waist again. She tried to pull him inside herself only to be met with resistance, one of his hands holding his tip up to rub against her.

"Hey!" She huffed a tiny moan of protest.

"First." He nibbled her lips and wrapped his hands firmly around her shoulders, beginning a massage. Ess twitched once and then fell pliant, making happy and relaxed moans as he massaged her back and neck.

She panted and pressed herself in hard to her lover, massaging his back in turn, stroking her wet cleft against him, feeling a sharp tingle of pleasure each time he slipped up through her folds and hit the underside of her clit.

"Ahhh." Jim breathed as her thumbs found the last knot in his neck and obliterated it. "We'll get some soon then. Because I love this. Love making you feel so good, Essie. And whatever you're doing to me, I don't know, Baby, but wow."

Ess giggled, pleased with herself. Maybe it was because Jim was older and he'd had two long term relationships, but whenever she pleased him, she felt extra accomplished. Extra sensual, a sex goddess, able to make one of the hottest men in America tremble the way he made her tremble. And she knew him enough to know that he wasn't just on the verge of a middle age crisis, chasing after a young thing to make him feel better about himself. He already knew he was sexy, and he was at ease with himself. Confidence must be contagious, she thought, just before she struggled out of his warm embrace enough to latch on to his shoulders and plunge him inside her.

The way his head snapped back told her that was the right move. "Sorry, Baby," she purred in a completely unapologetic tone, "couldn't wait any more."

He held her onto him, grinding in a circle on the inside, his pelvic bone grating against her hot little nub on the outside.

"Oh my God." She breathed, head thrown back as well, her hands raking him, and sliding, gliding over his sweating shoulders in ecstasy as he brought her close to the edge.

"Go ahead, Lover, let go." Jim urged her softly.

"But you-"

"Saving it for the second round." He grinned through clenched teeth, which only made the planes and angles of his face more irresistible.

"Honey-" Ess protested more weakly.

"You're almost there. My beautiful one. Future-" He tipped her back suddenly, keeping inside her, but now he was on top, and he rutted in her, hard and fast, making her lose control. "wife." He smirked, knowing that word would be her undoing. "Ohhhhh." He let out a grunt of supreme effort, not releasing although she was doing her damnedest to force him to, squeezing the life out of him with her pussy and her sweet little noises.

She exploded around him, but barely paused a beat, before seizing his hair in one of her hands, pushing on his chest with the other.. "Your turn." she said fiercely.

"Not until you have one more." He laughed.

"Oh, I'll have one." She smiled wickedly, rolling on top of him, mounting in one slick descent. "Watching you lose it is the biggest turn on. Plus feeling your heat erupting inside me, coating me-"

"Stop!" Jim squeezed the hand on his chest, caressing the ring on it as he did so.

"What's wrong?" Ess stopped, straddling him.

"When you talk like that..." He let out a lustful growl from somewhere deep in his chest.

"Talking about how much I love when you spill inside me?"

"Essie!" His eyes widened. "Seriously, baby, gonna make me..."

"I want your cum." She licked the first finger on her free hand seductively. "I bet you taste nice..."

Like a rocket, he winced, as he spent inside her. So much for waiting for her to join him. Ess's explosive shudderings and banshee like howls made him smile. Oh good. Mission accomplished after all.

* * *

"They're home, they're home, they're HOME!" A brown haired torpedo, followed by a much larger brown haired torpedo hurtled from the backyard to the kitchen.

"Hey, hey!" Ess hugged Max as Jim swooped up Sully. "Nice job you guys. I love it!" Ess flashed them the stone, making it glint in the light.

"You don't look so good, Jim." Max teased as he traded partners with the boy. "Not much sleep?" He asked in a lugubrious undertone.

"A couple hours." Jim admitted. "Probably four. Hey, not in front of the kid. Not in front of you either, come to think of it. For all I know, you and Ess end up together next year and I don't want you replaying what I tell you when you kiss her."

"That is so not in the cards. But still. Weirdness. I'd prefer to not think about the two of you making loud-" Ess humphed sharply behind them, where she stood, hands over a giggling Sully's ears. "Making a loud batch of pancakes for breakfast!"

"You are so lame, Max." Ess dropped her hands and put them on her hips.

"We already ate." Sully reminded him.

"So did we. Guess we need to go put up the play set, huh?"

"Let's go."

* * *

"What do I call you now?" Sully asked Ess in a smaller than usual voice as they headed to the backyard.

"Just Ess." She smiled. "I know I'll never be your mom. But I'm going to love you as much as if I were. All you have to do is love me back a little bit ."

"Good." Sully replied, voice returning to normal volume. "But I do love you really much. Just like I said in the picture."

Jim put an arm around each of them and squeezed. "I am the happiest man in the world. Let's build this thing!"

* * *

"I am the stupidest man in the world." Jim lay down on the couch, Sully perched over him, Ess looking down on him.

"But still the happiest, right, Daddy?"

"Yes, Sul. The happiest, stupidest man in the world." He sighed. Ess shoved the heating pad under his back.

"I kept telling you that you weren't lifting a prop." Ess winced as he shifted and clutched his back. "No vampire strength in the off-season."

"Shut up, would you, my darling?" He said in a sugary voice. "Just let me whine and moan for another fifteen minutes and the shooting pains will stop." Sully kissed his dad on the head before deserting, and Ess exclaimed "awww!" before Jim could shush her.

"Shhh, I don't think he realizes how cute it is, and I don't want him to know. He might stop." He pouted. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

"No. A little-overzealous." She kissed his lips gently. His face didn't clear, as she expected. "What's wrong?"

"I've got to call Anna. She needs to hear it from me."

* * *

Sully came in as Jim dialed his ex-wife. "Are you calling Mommy? Can I talk to her?"

"After I'm done, Sully. I have to give her enough information so that she has something to grill you on." Jim smiled ruefully. "I'll call you in a minute?"

"Okay." Sully picked up Stripes and kissed his furry little head before bouncing off after Ess, who was making lunch in the kitchen. Jim retreated to the sunroom.

"Jim? Is something wrong with Sully?" Anna answered the phone.

"Nice to talk to you, too." Jim said dryly. "He's wonderful. He misses you, but he's having fun, playing with his cats, swimming every day."

"Good. What's wrong then?"

"I- uh-" Jim rubbed the back of his neck, and tilted his head back. "I have something to tell you. No easy way to say it."

"You're marrying the girlfriend?"

"Yes." He breathed out a deep rush of air. "Was it that obvious?"

"Actually, no. I figured you liked her a lot if you let Sully get so close to her, but I had no idea you'd propose so soon- what is it- just a couple months?"

"Couple months of dating, yeah. Friends for much longer. I'm sorry, I just wanted to tell you in advance. She's really good with Sully, but she isn't going to try to take your place, and we're not going to try to steal him away. I'd never do that, you know that, don't you?" His voice was soft and reassuring, and her answering reply was brisk. She'd been soft once, but part of the hardness was his fault and he accepted it as such.

"What you do is your business. I'm glad Sully likes her. Can I talk to him?"

"Don't you have any questions? Concerns about-"

"Can I speak to Sully?" She repeated icily.

"Of course. I'll get him." Jim replied quietly. He opened the door to the sunroom. "Sulster! It's Mom!"

"Coming!"

Jim moped off, feeling like a jerk, and writhing inside because he knew Ann's coldness would be paradise to Liz's reaction. Ess beckoned Jim to join her in the kitchen as Sully prattled away on the phone. "How'd it go?"

"Steely acceptance and disinterest. Quite well."

"Good." She leaned against him. "You can be my good luck charm then, because I'm calling Matt."

* * *

They weren't fun phone calls. But they had someone to lean on in the aftermath, something that made it worth going through. Then, in the end, something to remind them why they were doing it...

* * *

"_Lion King_ or _Beauty and the Beast_?" Ess asked. Supper was over, and the three of them were crashed in the basement, all on one couch. Jim's arm was around her shoulders, and Sully was sprawled on his side across both their laps.

Jim put his finger to his lips and pointed down to his son. "The new play set wore him right out, poor guy. Plus all the excitement of the sleep over." Jim stroked the brown locks lovingly. "I'll carry him up."

"No!" Ess seized his elbow. "Just- leave him." She gave Jim a shy look, a tiny wistful grin playing on her lips. "Just leave him for a little while?"

Jim nodded silently, and scooted her closer to his side. He slowly reached for her hand and drew it up to rest with his, on Sully's back. They sat in silence and watched their clasped hands rise and fall with his deep breathing. "This is my miracle." He whispered.

"I know." She replied with due awe and wonder.

"I'm sharing him with you." He pressed her hand palm down on the small shoulder.

Ess didn't say anything at first. It was hard to talk around the emotion wedged in her throat, like a cork in the neck of a narrow bottle. "I like being in your family." She finally managed to croak out, a single tear escaping and merging with her smile.

"So do I, Baby." She snuggled her head into his shoulder and he reclaimed her hand as it lay atop the sleeping form, the diamond glinting even in the low light of the basement. "So do I."

_To be continued..._


	9. Chapter 9

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: I'm back! I'm so sorry for the long delay. I'm going to try to get back to working on two pieces at a time, Unknown and Starting Over, so there will be something posted every week to two weeks from now on- unless the muse or a real life emergency happens. But no more extended hiatuses planned! If you're still reading, I thank you so much!_

_Author's Second Note: Smut warning! Mushy, too. The shift to the Spuffy-centric verse begins at the end of this chapter. Also, I recommend a re-read to get back into the piece, but that's just a suggestion._

_Dedicated to Alexiarrose, Ginar369,Touch the Dark, Omslagspapper, Jewel74, Illusera, Sanityfair1, Nerdygurl4, SwoonforSirius, jezzka85, Sparrowreed, Flamfyre, Beaumasque, and Z-L-B. Thank you for your encouraging words and following this piece._

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine. **_

**Part IX**

Champagne bottles and paper plates littered the tables and floors. Ess, Ashley, Jim, Max, Daniel, and Patrick weaved and stumbled around the caterers and trash as they helped clean up.

"You don't have to do that, really." Jim, as host, said gallantly, for about the fifteenth time.

"Sh'up." Patrick slurred, dumping a pile of wet napkins in the trash.

"Yeah. Engaged people." Ashley stuck her tongue out at them.

"Wh'where's this go then, mate?" Patrick held up several large white envelopes, at last few inches thick.

"Patrick, sit down, please." Ess lead him to the couch and he promptly pulled her into his lap and kissed her affectionately. "My little Ess, all grown up. And you really do want me to- give you 'way?"

"Yes, I really do. Dad never helped raise me, and you did. Teen years are far worse than the younger ones." She hugged his neck, and Ashley cooed over them, rushing in to join the hug.

"Don't throw those out!" Daniel shouted as Jim took up the envelopes that Patrick had been holding.

"I'm not, Danny." Jim tore open one with his name. "What kind of engagement gift is this?" He complained. All heads turned to him.

"What is it?" Max came over.

"The boss and his sense of timing." Danny muttered as he and Jim began passing out envelopes. "Belly up to the bar kids, next season scripts have officially arrived."

"Nooo!" wailed Ashley and Ess, who then hooked pinkies and said, "Jinx."

"Only the first three episodes, I hate that." Max grumbled.

Jim and Ess now sat beside each other, squeezed in with Ashley and Patrick on the same couch. Neither of them looked at the printed pages. "Ess." Jim said releasing her from the jinx, and then Max caught on and said "Ashley."

"I'm scared to look." Ess whispered, loud enough for only Jim to hear.

"It'll be okay. They can't take the real world from us." Jim reassured with hope he didn't really feel.

Danny sat off by himself, all the other cast members from his show already headed home from the engagement looked shaky as he stood up and went to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. Daniel followed him silently, then paused. "Jim- you know I did some bad stuff on the show. _Both _shows. If you need to talk-"

"I don't need to talk, thanks." Jim said abruptly. He tried to move and Daniel blocked him.

"Don't shit with me." Danny's voice was low and insistent. "I don't know what you're going through, but I bet you feel a little nervous. You're a damn good actor and damn good man, and you_ make_ that show."

"Ess makes it!" Jim defended hotly.

"You work together. And everyone here loves you, so just keep it together. Talk if it starts to eat away at you." Jim felt himself pulled into a quick, crunched hug. "Okay, man?"

"Okay, man." He repeated.

"Male bonding and I'm not invited?" Max chirped from behind them.

"Vamps only." Jim sneered, and ducked as Max threw a solid punch. Daniel blocked him with a shoulder, and a caterer shrieked. Immediately the three "big bad action heroes" turned into polite, concerned gentlemen and apologized profusely.

"The boys are fighting." Ashley smiled. Ess nodded silently. "That was a really nice engagement party, Ess. Are we still on for Jim's birthday party at my place next week?"

"Shh! Yes, but it's a surprise." The tinkle of glass alerted both women to the fact that Patrick was up and stumbling again. "Jim! Rein in the British Wonder, would you please?"

"You usually have that American rubbish." Patrick spoke up for himself. "No one told me there would be Bushmill's and Glenfiddich." He took the glass of water Jim was holding and swallowed it in one gulp. "I'd have paced myself if I'd known it would be the top shelf." He refilled the glass again and turned more alertly to Ess. "Now, if you have three aspirins and a banana, I'll be fine in an hour."

"I'll get it." Jim smiled. Anything to put off seeing what sort of freak he became this year.

"Allow me." Daniel took Patrick's arm, and stared at Jim. "Get it over with." He hissed and led Patrick off to the kitchen cupboards in search of aspirin and to the fridge in search of fruit.

Jim joined the guests sprawled on the couch. All thoughts of helping the caterers had vanished. The clock ticked on as the sextet lounged in the living room occasionally speaking, but mainly reading in silence, sometimes underlining parts with the pens Ashley had materialized from her purse. The caterers left and foil wrapped leftovers were silently passed around to support reading comprehension.

"Not as bad as I thought." Jim whispered to his partner after reading some of his lines. "I'm insane, but I don't hurt you. Much. I can do anything but that."

"I don't like all this 'First' stuff again." Ess muttered. "Totally don't wanna say some of these things to you." They twined hands and she propped her head on his shoulder. "At least it's us. We can get through this, we've got each other's backs." Jim kissed her forehead with a sigh.

"You don't forgive him, but you let him hang out with us? What's that about? Jim- awesome speech at the end of the second. Not a dry eye on the set, I call it." Max called from his back in the center of the carpet. "Ess, what's with you just listening to the monologue, no feedback or support for the newly souled?"

"Did I write this? No." Ess retorted.

"Well, Xander's probably gonna murder him for -" Max stopped as Ashley's foot collided with his shin. "Sorry." he looked guiltily at Jim and Ess.

"It's okay. It's okay." Jim breathed out. Ess leaned over and kissed him.

"We should go. It's two in the morning." Daniel suddenly rose. "Let these engaged people go celebrate more privately."

"Yeah, let the engaged get _engaged_." Max smirked suggestively, to a chorus of groans.

"Bloody awful." Patrick snorted, but he also rose. Ess jumped up. "I'm fine, Ess." Patrick hugged her goodnight. "Max'll follow me to my flat, won't you, mate?"

"I suppose." Max sighed. "Ashley, will you be okay to get home?"

"You can crash here," Ess offered eagerly.

"I'll make sure she gets home. The Mrs. is probably already asleep, she won't mind if I'm a little bit late. Especially to get the hot redhead home." Daniel said, putting his arm around Ashley's shoulders. "My pretty little cherry-berry." He mock bit her neck.

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself. Tell your boyfriend not kiss and tell."

"Oh, he's so dead." Ashley's eyes narrowed.

"Dark Willow face!" Jim shouted and covered his head with his arms, the others joining in with loud laughter and some cat calls.

"Shhh! The boy's asleep! Blimey, _I'm_ the one who's pissed as a newt and you lot make all the soddin' noise. I'm goin' home where a man can be drunk in peace." Patrick chuckled at this last remark and kissed or hugged everyone goodbye.

Soon just Ess and Jim were left, and they trailed up to bed, scripts still in hand. "We should put these away." Ess murmured tiredly. "We need sleep. And this is a night to celebrate."

"You're right, sweetheart." Jim shucked off his clothes, and watched her stepping out of hers. "So gorgeous."

"Ab-alicious." She purred in response. "Did you have fun? I know it isn't customary to throw your own engagement party, but my mom-"

"Shh, honey. It was wonderful. And your mom sure to took to Sully. Thank God."

"Your mom was nice, too. And Susan and Paul were totally sweet to me. I'm so glad they aren't clawing my eyes out over the way things ended. Your break up."

"There's two good reasons for that. One, you're a great person and thoroughly lovable. Two, you didn't break us up,_ I _broke us up, for a much greater purpose."

"I feel like some great mission in life when you talk about us that way." Ess smiled sleepily.

"You _are _my great mission in life, Ess. To love you forever. To protect you and protect what we have. To never hurt you or screw things up again. That's my mission."

She kissed him soundly for his heroic words.

"We're very Buffy-esque." Ess smiled as she snuggled into the curve of his body.

"How's that, darling?"

"Well, we've both been knocked down and done something wrong or stupid but we keep fighting. And- and the way I love you," she swallowed, "I'd love you no matter what you did and not care what anyone else thinks. You can tell Buffy's going to stand up for Spike this season. She's going to trust him with her life, I can tell."

"He's not worth trusting." Jim muttered bitterly. He took a sharp backwards elbow to the gut and gasped.

"Yes, he is! He got a soul for her! He went through trials with demons and big black bugs crawling inside him, just to give her what she deserves, even though he knows he screwed up and she can never love him! He just cares enough to pay for it." Ess said sharply. "I don't care what Buffy does." She turned to Jim and looked hard into his eyes. "I don't care what she does. I love Spike. I love you. I love who you_ are_ and who you _pretend to be_."

"Don't say that-" he began, struggling up from the bed.

"I will if I mean it." She cut him off sharply.

"He's fictional. I'm _not_ him." Jim growled.

"I know! But you love MacBeth, you love Hamlet, you love Dr. Who, and Dr. Spock and tons of characters, and they aren't real! Up until _that _episode, you loved Spike. You loved playing the badass, villainous, romantic, tortured, evil outside, soft inside, vampire. He's one of the most complex player so far."

Jim sighed. "I know he is. And you're right, I did love it. Maybe I'll learn to love it again."

"Maybe you won't." Ess said softly. "Maybe you can't forgive Buffy for what she put you through. Or maybe she keeps on doing it."

"Now that's just stupid. He loves her. He'd go through hell for her. He did go through some level of hell for her. If she can forgive him, he can bloody well forgive her. He loves her, Ess." She looked at him fiercely and he sighed. "Yes, I love her. I love who you are, and who you pretend to be. I love that you're both strong and you're both honorable and smart and beautiful." He shook his head. "The things we end up talking about, lover."

"They both need you. Buffy can't survive what's coming without Spike. I can't survive my life without you in it." Ess confessed in a whisper.

"And without you, neither of us has a purpose to go on, anyway." He kissed her hard. "I feel like I'm crossing a line, baby, saying things about our characters and ourselves. I feel like you're mixing us together, and I am not _him_."

"I'm not her." Ess shook her head. "We know who we are and we know who we play. It's okay to accept them both."

"My bloody brilliant beauty." He rolled onto her passionately, suddenly.

"Oh, God. Such alliteration." She giggled breathlessly.

* * *

_"Okay- what the soddin' hell was that?" Spike looked down at himself sharply. Beside him, Buffy was doing the same thing. "Are we more colorful?"_

_ "Not that I've noticed..." she brushed herself down. "Still kind of jello-like, too. Not fully solid, but not wispy. But what _was_ that?"_

_ "Ruddy big jolt is all I know." He tried to replay what had just happened. "Did one of 'em say somethin', Luv?" _

_ "I was- kind of distracted." She blushed. _

_ "I never knew your neck was so sensitive, Slayer. You were made to love a vampire." He gave her an evil grin._

_ "Stop!" Buffy swiped at him. "I wasn't made to love a vampire. I was made to love _you_."_

_ "Well, regardless, I wish this nothingness had a replay feature. Nice to know what they said that made me feel like the chip was back."_

_ "It hurt? It didn't hurt me." Buffy's eyes were suddenly full of tension._

_ "Not pain. Just an almighty shock. Kind of a pleasant tingle in some places, if you get my drift."_

_ "No, but I'd like to." Buffy winked, and they stopped caring about the funny surge of power they had just experienced. At least temporarily._

* * *

Jim's brother and sister, their kids and spouses, and Jim's mother picked Sully up at 8:30, and whisked him off for a day of clothes shopping, lunch and playing with cousins. Ess staggered downstairs, putting every ounce of her actress willpower to get up and look bright and cheery, and suitably daughter-in-law-ish when Jim's family arrived. But as soon as Jim shut the door behind them, after many hugs, especially between Jim and Sully, she collapsed on to the couch.

"I am so tired. So, so tired." She sighed.

"Wheatgrass juice and a soy shake coming up." Jim yawned.

"Blech. No green juice. There should be no green juice, Jim."

"You're just unenlightened. And yes, it tastes horrible, but it's good for you."

"You're not gonna give me the 'eat your veggies speech', are you?" Ess frowned at him, lips starting to pout and eyes turning up to gaze pitifully into his.

"So much worse than Sully." He groaned, kissed her head and started to work in the kitchen.

"We've got the day to ourselves. Whaddya wanna do?"Ess stretched and flexed her legs.

"Loud, passionate sex, after a nap." Jim yawned. "We could go have lunch someplace?"

"Can we do all three? Starting with nap and ending with lunch?" Ess smiled naughtily. "And we can repeat the one in the middle as often as you like."

"Mm, what a yummy idea." He smirked at her hungrily. "I think we may have to consider soundproofing our room."

"I think so." Ess giggled.

"I wonder if we can register for that? 'One sound-proofed room' and a set of engraved coasters." Jim joked.

"Oh, honey! You're so smart! Registry! We can make a registry!"

"Honey, we've only been engaged for a week-" Jim began to protest and stopped. "Of course, we can make a registry. And I'll be the supportive male and help."

"We already have so much..." Ess looked around the house gratefully. "We really don't need much. But people like to give some_thing_."

"We can make a list of odds and ends and cobble something together." Jim passed her the shake and sat beside her.

* * *

_ "Ooh, look! They're going to make a registry! Like real, normal people. With china patterns and crystal ware..." Buffy clutched Spike's arm and bounced on her tip toes, as if it would allow her to see better._

_ "Oh hell, Slayer, really?" Spike moaned and thrashed his head once, leashing his frustration. "You don't want us to- oh _bleedin'_ hell, Buffy, registering means hours sittin' in little shops and lookin' at ninety patterns of the same soddin' plate!"_

_ "I'm just dreaming, honey. Can you imagine our registry? Crossbows, stakes, holy water-"_

_ "O neg, A pos, and some AB negative for special occasions?" He laughed. "Honestly, though," he began to relent, "you know I'd do anything you want. You want a registry, we'll make one for every store in the city."_

_ "I don't. I guess. Spike, all of our things are gone." Buffy looked at him, suddenly tearful. "Mom's house. Mom's furniture. Your crypt and Gile's apartment." She swallowed. "We're not going to have anything."_

_ "Shh, Pet." He stroked her hair. "We'll get by. I've lived over a century on my wits, I'm not gonna let you go without." He tipped her chin up to face him. "I promise."_

_ "I believe in you." She smiled. With a resolute sigh she turned her focus back to their other halves._

_ "Oh, they're leavin' the couch. Shall we catch the mid-morning delight?" Spike smiled in a way that instantly made her want to call him "pervert" and at the same time, get on top of him and ride him until she drenched him._

_ "They were gonna take a nap first." Buffy stalled._

_ "We'll start without them then..."_

* * *

_ Buffy's screech of release coincided with his growl of climax. She was slightly pink in other areas, besides her lips now. She thought they both were beginning to resemble those black and white photos that were colorized during the Victorian era. All shades of gray and white with touches of pink, blue, green, and yellow added afterwards by an artist's pencil. Ever since finding that her nether lips were matching her upper lips, Spike hadn't let her alone, seemingly determined to suckle and lick every trace of pink into his own hungry mouth._

_ "We'll need a bed." She panted._

_ "At the least. An' a fridge and cooker. Gonna cook for you and the Bit. Need to keep my girls healthy."_

_ "I'll bring home dinner from-" Spike glared at her. "Or I'll cook?" Spike slowly shook his head. "I'll learn?"_

_ "From the best, Luv." He smiled conceitedly. "Let's see. And a micro for the blood. An' popcorn, of course."_

_ "Where do you think we'll live?" Buffy asked dreamily._

_ "A flat. Two bedroom. And when the Bit goes off to university, we'll turn the extra room into a guest room. Or a nursery." She gripped his hand and they exchanged a hopeless smile and shrug. "Or a training room. How 'bout that, Luv? Can think of a 101 uses for vaulting blocks and wrist guards." Buffy blushed, flashing back to a night over a year ago, at least in Sunnydale time, when he'd produced a pair of handcuffs. Not in a mean way, in an erotic way. And she'd said she only liked him- sometimes, but never trusted him. Now she couldn't wait to show him how much she trusted him with _everything_. She nodded easily and his face lit up. His newly awakened erection brushed her thigh and she bowed her head, not looking at those devilish eyes._

_ "What about a house?" She tried to distract him._

_ "In time, Sweetlet." He sighed. "We'll fill it with all the pretties you could want."_

_ "What do _you_ want? You know this would be your home, too."_

_ He felt warmth arch through him at that moment. _My home, too. With my Buffy. With my wife. And Dawn and maybe a few sprogs of our own. _ But he forced out a callous snort and said ,"Oh, you know me. Some dark corner and place to keep the blood cool will be fine."_

_ "We'll make you a den. In the basement. Where no sunlight can bother you. With a big comfy recliner and big TV to watch _Passions _on." Buffy snuggled into him, loving him for minimizing his own needs, but wanting him to know she thought he deserved much more. "Oh! And a poker table or a pool table!"_

_ "Nah, Pet, you'll spoil me." He laughed, looking pleased at her suggestions in spite of himself._

_ "I prefer to think of it as taking care of you. You want to take care of me. I want to take care of you."_

_ "But you're used to the normal stuff, Lamb. I don't need much, do I? Mainly you."_

_ "This is going to be real, Spike. Really real. We're going to be married and have a home together. A home is a representation of both people who live there. And even though I'm totally into girl power, the guy is kinda the 'head of the home', so you have to stop playing yourself down. Try?"_

_ "I will, Pet. 'S long as you're sure?"_

_ "I'm a hundred, thousand percent sure!" She declared emphatically. "So- your dream house- what's it like?"_

* * *

"Ess, sit down. I can't think if you walk around me like that." Jim pleaded with his pacing fiancée.

"But I'm mentally mapping your furniture into the house!" Ess protested. "The couch- your couch doesn't go with any of these rooms, it'll have to go upstairs. You want one room for your office/study?"

"Call it a studio,and yes, put the couch there." Jim looked at their list. So far it contained the following: wine glasses- set of twelve, china hutch, in-line skate machine, and a hibachi grill. "Couldn't we say donations could be made to various charities? Like, set of six donations to Red Cross, set of six donations to SPCA?"

"Oh yeah! Let's totally do that, we can buy the rest of that stuff anyway!" Ess plopped down at his feet, and stared over his knees at the list he was holding. "Put down Comic Relief."

"And Feed the Children." Jim scribbled.

"What about something related to blood? Remember the commercials? Support your favorite vampire? Remember the one you did for the Red Cross Blood drive? 'Give blood, or I'll take it from you!'"

"You do terrible British accents, honey. And I already wrote down Red Cross. What about the Leukemia Foundation?"

"Oh that's a good one. And- and Amnesty International."

When the list topped reached over 20, they stopped and stretched. "So, when do you wanna do this?" Ess tried not to sound overly eager.

"The wedding? I don't know. We probably need to do it either before or after filming for this year." He grinned, and continued, "We can throw something together in three weeks, or we can wait until next summer."

"We could just get married in a civil ceremony." Ess offered.

"Now, darling, you can't lie to me about what you want. It makes for a bad marriage, and I should know. You deserve the fairy tale wedding. Now admittedly, I don't have as much saved as you-"

"But the bride's family pays for the wedding anyway." Ess interrupted. Jim opened his mouth and she gave him a warning glare. "You can pay for part of it- if you're good!"

"Aren't I always good?" He asked seductively, his tongue arching in that knee-weakening way.

"You're so bad, and you know it." She fluttered her eyelashes, trying not to see how sexy he looked.

"I'm very, very good when I'm bad." He jerked her into his lap and tickled her lightly, nibbling her neck. "You told me so yourself, Ess."

"Okay, you're good, you're good! I want a big fancy wedding, and you can help pay- just stop tickling me!"

"Deal." He agreed smugly. "I'd like Sully to be in it. And Patrick and Max. Daniel, too, if you think he'd like to."

"Patrick's already giving me away. Ashley's gonna be my maid of honor, and the other girls are slated for bridesmaids already. And Susan, if you think she'd agree."

"My brother has gotta be the best man." Jim added. "I need one more groomsman."

"You could ask-"

"I will _not_ ask the bossman, don't even suggest it." Jim glared. "It just looks too much like sucking up. I'll ask one of my friends from NYC to fly in."

"Make that two. Gwenn should totally be in the wedding. I'm going to miss her so much now that they've 'killed her off'."

"I know, sweetheart. At least she's actually still around. As in alive. We'll see her soon.

The list of attendants and possible attendants went back and forth for awhile, until they tabled it and sat in happy contemplation.

"Church wedding?" Jim eventually tossed out.

"I'm non-practicing Jewish."

"I'm non practicing 'I-believe-in-God'." Jim curled his hand through her hair. "Non-denominational, I guess?"

"Sounds good to me." Ess stretched out her hand and admired her ring. "I never get tired of looking at this."

"Me either." Jim replied, eyes trained on her face, making her cheeks turn rosy.

"Do you think we're silly to care so much about a wedding? All the trappings, just materialistic stuff. We have each other. I don't want people to think I'm greedy."

"It's kind of expected for you, Ess. And maybe for me, too. You're definitely the bigger name." Ess frowned, and Jim smoothed it over. "It doesn't matter, baby. We like our work, we like acting. I don't care who earns more or has the spotlight more. We respect each other and we do a good job in front of the camera." He kissed the top of her head and she leaned back and nipped his Adam's apple.

"So if we weren't famous, it wouldn't have to be a big deal?"

Jim sighed. "I try Ess, but I still do not get the sensitive guy speak. I'm not saying what I need to, or I'm not saying it so you get it."

"Yes, you do. You speak very fluent understanding male." Ess cajoled, "Come on, try again, I'll listen better."

"A wedding means starting a new life, a new home, a new family. It deserves to be beautiful, even if it's really simple."

"Simple but beautiful." Ess mused. "Love the concept." Jim noogied her head for the Hollywood slang she just tossed out, making her squeak.

"New home, new life, new family." Ess settled back against him, rubbing her head, admiring her ring yet again.

"I'm so happy you're accepting my family, Essie. Especially my son." Jim whispered, lips brushing her ear softly, tongue flicking the lobe.

Ess reddened again as she felt herself warm between her legs. Jim must have sensed it because his hand suddenly pushed firmly into the waist of her tight workout shorts, snaking down to feel the effects of his words on her. "Bu-but we were talking about important things." She mewled.

"We can't talk while playing?" Jim dipped a finger inside her.

"You're distracting me." She whimpered, her body yielding all too easily, her hips bobbing up to take him deeper.

"I'm sorry, should I stop?" He held his finger still, waiting on her outer lips.

"No." She sullenly stated. "But- but I want to ask you something about our life together, and if you laugh-"

"Ess," he breathed her name and tightened his arm around her faintly gyrating waist, "our life together is going to be complicated but wonderful." He dug his finger into her wetness harder. "This is part of what makes it wonderful. Talk to me about anything, anytime, Baby. Just never stop letting me in."

She craned her neck back to seal his lips with a kiss, her tongue dancing into his hot embrace. She held his eyes briefly before looking away. "Do you only want one?"

"One family? Yes, Ess, just ours." He worked her shorts down to mid thigh and she flexed her leg up high, snapping it off, freeing her pussy to his exploring hand.

"One son? Just one kid?"

Jim treaded carefully, more than he could say for his manipulative hand. Maybe Ess wanted to stop with one. Sully was pretty awesome. Maybe she wanted more, or maybe she didn't want any at all. Maybe thinking about kids reminded her of the plans she had made with Matt, and she was visualizing any children of their union as a "power family", made by two famous parents to further their careers. "I want you in my life. I have an amazing little boy, Ess, and I'm willing to share him. He can be _our_ little boy, as much you'd like him to be." Ess flashed him a grateful, tear-filled look of love. "I'm fine if you don't want any more children, if that's what you want. I just want you to _stay in my life_."

"But do you think Sully'd ever care if we...?"

* * *

_"What the hell is that? What _is _that?" Spike's whole body racked with a spasm and Buffy's head bobbed like she'd been caught in a hurricane draft. "Buffy? Buffy!"_

_ "What's happening, what's doing this?" Buffy clasped Spike's forearms frantically as another jolt of unseen power smacked into her. This one felt more severe, more real._

_ "I dunno, Luv, just hold on to me." Spike pulled her close, wrapping her under his duster and then crossing his arms protectively over her back, one hand cradling her head. "I'm not gonna let them get you..." he vowed, vampire demon roaring to life. She whimpered and wrapped her hands inside his belt loops, anchoring herself more firmly._

_ "I don't want to lose you." She sobbed. His face reverted to human as he grabbed the nape of her neck._

_ "I'll find you, Buffy. Buffy, look at me!" Spike forced her head up to his before his mouth descended hers and took it hard, claiming her, trying not let her notice the tears trembling on the edges of his eyes. "I swear I will find you again." His mind emblazoned hers._

_ "They promised we'd be together!" Buffy thought desperately, her mouth still fused with his._

_ "I know they did." Spike thought back._

* * *

"Sully? We'll have to ask him I guess." Jim spoke softly. His hand wandered from between her lips and caressed her taut flat belly with his nimble fingers. "What do you want, Ess?"

* * *

_"Ow!" Buffy doubled up suddenly, and Spike knelt to catch her falling form._

_ "What is it, Baby?"_

_ "My- side." Buffy's hand came away from her shirt, red, and sticky. "Spike... Spike!" His name was a frantic scream on her lips. _

_ "Hold on to me! Hold on to me!" He laughed suddenly. "Can you hear 'em?"_

_ "Our other halves? Just barely..."_

_ Colors were flooding over them, starting from the inside and flowing out, Buffy's ash blonde flowing back like a fast forwarded dye job, and Spike's platinum locks streaming back to life._

* * *

"Maybe you just want one? I mean Sullivan's so perfect. He's ours, I do feel like that." Ess murmured softly, trembling under his touch.

"I want whatever you want. I think I know what you're saying." Jim turned her to face him, their knees and hips adjusting as they rearranged.

* * *

_"All the nicks and scrapes, Luv..." Spike pressed his hand to her wound and she winced._

_ "I'm-" Buffy looked up at him wide eyes as another colossal jolt ripped through the air, ripped through_ _them. "We're both solid. Spike- fully solid."_

_ "My vamp sense just kicked back in." He inhaled the delicious sent of her blood._

_ "Slayer tinglies back on board." She looked at him nervously._

_ "And we're in living color." Spike grabbed her to him again, this time picking her up and yanking his belt off. "Do you trust me?"_

_ "For eternity." She whispered, working with him. As one, they wound the belt around their arms, facing each other, his right to her left, so he could still hold the hand bearing his ring. She held the buckle as he threaded it through the last turn and snapped the silver tongue in place._

_ "This wind is rising, Luv!" Spike jammed his free hand into the waist band of her pants, as she latched on again to his belt loops. He even felt her leg wrap around him. "Listen, just in case. Know I love you. Know I'll love you forever, wherever I am." Spike shouted over the sudden roar of the wind._

_ "Feels like we're blowing apart!' Buffy wept. "I can't hear them anymore!" She looked at him desperately. "I'll find you! If anything happens, I'll find you. If I can't find you in a year-"_

_ "Time moves differently in different places, Pet!" He shouted over the gale._

_ "If you aren't with me when I land-" She looked into his eyes and didn't need to finish the words._

_ "I know! Don't worry, Pet, I'll make it quick and come find you." He bit back a sob and kissed her. "Promise you'll remember me? Promise you'll know I loved you?"_

_ "I promise!" Buffy's voice was barely audible over the howl. The mist swarmed around them like a cyclone. "Remember I love you! And don't ever let anyone talk you out of coming to me! No matter what you end up as, if you come back without a soul, if you come back missing pieces- just come to me anyway. Promise me!" She screeched._

* * *

"I think, someday..." Ess trailed off hesitantly.

"Say it. " Jim urged. "I want to hear you say you want it." Jim rubbed the apex of her sex, up to her navel and back, a trail of love and sensuality that made her back arch and her insides burn.

"I would love it if we made a baby together."

"I want you to, I want that with you, if you feel the same."

"Jim..." She kissed him, giving herself a shot of reassurance before she said the words she had never said to anyone, never even thought to herself. "I feel it. Someday- I want to have your baby."

* * *

_"Baby? Did they say?" Spike strained to hear over the freight train sound of the void ripping._

_ "I heard! They want a child- like- we do- ugh!"_

_ A gust shot through them, rising from under their feet and blowing straight up through them, snapping their heads back, ripping the clinging lovers apart, their belted arms the only part still united._

_"N-noooooo!" Buffy's cry raged in his mind as the bottom of their world suddenly collapsed. They struggled and clawed back to one another, using their bound arms as their anchor._

_ "Buffy!" He gripped her hand, gripped her back, gripped her until she bled, even sunk his fangs into her lip at the last moment, in case it would help. But it wouldn't. If the Powers want to torment you, they could rip your soul straight out of your skin, they don't need much provocation to tear your lover out of your arms._

_ "Hold on to me, don't let me go!"_

_ "Never, never!" He said around a mouthful of her blood, too panicked to even enjoy the inaugural sip of what must be the finest nectar in all the world. "They could be keeping their promise, Luv." He offered her one final hope. It didn't feel like it though. _Surely your divine reward wouldn't feel so much like bein' stuck in the middle of bleedin' whirlwind. _The world was colliding with a blinding light, a million mile drop happening in bare seconds, yanking them apart, and yet they were still together, tied to each other, physically and spiritually._

_ "They have to. They have to!" She clung to him with all her might and gasped out, the wind cracking her lungs as she tried to fight for the breath to speak. "I love you!"_

_ "I believe you, Luv! I love you, too!" He whispered hoarsely before the light caved into blackness._

* * *

_ Blinding light, a sizzle, and a crash. Like being kicked by a jet fighter through a steel door. Searing pain. Screaming. Every bone breaking. Skin beginning to smoke. _Ah. I'm in hell. Fine._ Spike sniffed and assessed the situation. Blood. Hair. Her hair. Her scent all over him. Hell had upgraded. Torture of the heart as well as the body. _Just grand.

_ "Give me that sleeping bag! Block the hole, he's gonna burn soon!" _

_ Spike forced his eyes open. Hell didn't come complete with the love your life lying unconscious against your broken chest. "Buffy?" he wheezed._

_ Her head moved feebly, and her green eyes blearily stared at him. She smiled through bleeding and cracked lips. "Hi, Baby." And then she started to sniffle._

_ They ignored the clamor around them, the dozens of feet standing beside them suddenly. "Thank you. Thank you." he whispered and ignored the pain in his arm to clasp her to him. She crawled up, placing her head over his, and sank down into a tired kiss. It didn't need to be passionate, it didn't need to stop the earth. It just needed to be._

* * *

_ "What was that? What was that thing that just fell through the bus?" Dawn's voice. Frantic. Buffy and Spike smiled together. _

_ "Niblet." Spike whispered and tried to force his eyes open wider. A high-pitched shriek never sounded so good._

_ "It's Buffy! It's Spike! They're alive! XANDER! WILLOW! GILES!" Dawn's words were reaching the pitch to send dogs over the edge and Spike just laughed. Blood spilt down his chin. Hmm. Must have punctured something in the fall. What'd we fall through, anyhow?_

_ Buffy struggled up, and failed. Dawn's head was suddenly down with theirs, kissing Buffy all over her scraped brow and kissing Spike on the top of his head, her tears drenching them. "They said you must be dead, they said you didn't make it out!"_

_ "Didn't." Buffy murmured, her weary hand clutching Dawn's._

_ "We left, we shouldn't have left! I _told you_ we shouldn't have left!" Dawn turning accusing eyes to someone in the front of the bus, but neither Spike nor Buffy could make the effort to track her gaze._

_ "Everyone not wounded, get off the bus!" Xander's voice ordered. "Willow, Dawn, Giles, stay."_

_ "Xan." Buffy whispered and saw a blue jean clad knee materialize in front of her._

_ "Buffy! Buffy!" Xander's one remaining eye began leaking. "You- the school- we saw it. Sunnydale's a crater the size of the Sea of Tranquility." He gently tried to sit her up and she hissed in pain. "How'd you get out?"_

_ "We didn't." Spike rasped._

_ Willow's loud, hysterical and joyful sobs reached their ears. "Spike! You- you survived!" For Buffy she had no words, just held her hands an inch above Buffy's head, as if by touching her she would vanish._

_ "Hi, Red. Nice work earlier. Lotsa little slayers, yeah?"_

_ "We need to sit them up, they look hurt." Dawn's voice was frantic._

_ "No!" Buffy and Spike said as one._

_ "We're hurt, but don't- don't you dare take her off me." Spike half-begged, half- threatened, and threw his arm around her back with a heave, not caring for the crunching noises that emanated from his shoulder when he did._

_ "Try and separate us and I'll kill you." Buffy growled._

_ "What's all this? Faith just said that black comet was actually Spike and Buffy! Were the bodies blown that far?" Giles voice was broken and trembling, something Buffy hadn't heard, not since Jenny..._

_ "What bodies, Ponce?" Spike baited him with a weak wink. Giles slowly stuck his head over one of the bus seats and stared._

_ "Hi Giles." Buffy whispered. A sudden strangled gasp, and then more fresh sobbing. "Glad to see you, too."_

_ "How? What?" Xander asked in awe._

_ "We need to get them up, they're hurt!" Dawn's voice was rising._

_ "Where- when are we?" Buffy asked._

_ "Today. Still today. Almost an hour after the school fell in." Xander whispered. "Why?"_

_ "Explanations soon." Buffy croaked. "But where are we?"_

_ "The bus. Late afternoon. We didn't think you made it and then this almighty screaming tornado thing came out of nowhere and this black ball of flame shot down through the roof of the bus. Fortunately, almost everyone was out of the bus, looking at the brand new scenic gorge, Sucked in Hellmouth."_

_ "I crashed through the roof of a soddin' bus?" Spike laughed again, more blood dripping as he did. "No wonder my back's broken."_

_ "And it's daylight, that'd explain the smokey smell." Buffy wrinkled her nose, and kissed him again. "I love you."_

_ "Love you, too, Pet." He whispered, eyes only for her. _

_ "Uh? Uh, what?" Willow burbled suddenly. "Did you say...?"_

_ "Shut up, please, Red." Spike pleaded._

_ "Totally fine with the loving! Love, love, love away!" She looked into Buffy's eyes and gave her the nervous grin that was so uniquely her own. "No judge-y here!"_

_ "I think the Slayer powers are healing me. I didn't take the impact." Buffy wriggled, but didn't sit up. Pushing off of Spike would cause him too much pain. "Willow, is there anything you can do to help him?"_

_ "Let me try." Willow muttered something and Spike gave a strangled cry. All his broken bones had healed in a split second, which is a feeling akin to having all of them broken in the same second. "I'm sorry! I thought that'd help!" Willow bit her thumb and swayed anxiously._

_ "Helped plenty, Red, just hurt like a bitch." He smiled. "Should we try sitting up now, Pet?"_

_ An army of gentle hands eased them up, Giles and Dawn pushing Spike from the floor, while Willow and Xander pulled Buffy upright. Spike saw Xander's eye rake over their bound arms as the group realized they couldn't separate them or sit them facing each other and sat them side by side instead. "What's that?" He asked, but there was no bile in his voice._

_ "We- were afraid- where we were-" Buffy tried to explain, and Spike raised his hand._

_ "That tornado thing you mentioned? Was one dimension rippin' itself in half so we could get back here to you lot. Bloody strong wind. Figured this might help us keep together." Spike shrugged and Buffy looked at him. _

_ "You can't downplay what you and I went through." She said. "Not even for them. We strapped each other together so we wouldn't lose one another. We will_ die_, we will _kill_, to stay together. Clear?" Her voice and eyes were flints and the quartet surrounding them nodded hastily._

_ "No judge-y." Xander hoarsely echoed Willow._

_ "Well, y-yes, yes, rather. Erm, no- no judge-y." Giles coughed, polishing his glasses._

_ "Missed that, Rupes. Missed your little self-blinding ritual." Spike gave him a genuine smile with no hint of malice, which the Watcher hesitantly returned._

_ "Bit? You okay with-" Spike turned to Dawn only to have the long-legged teen fling herself, literally launching down like she was trying to hit a target, and smother both of them in a hug._

_ "Am I okay with it? Okay with it?" She squealed. Losing someone made very clear impressions of everything you would miss and had never appreciated or taken for granted. Even with everything they'd been through, Dawn remembered the friend she'd had in Spike, and the sister she'd had in Buffy, and the love she knew they would always fight against in one way or another, making themselves crazy. And now- they were back, and they had wised up. _And everything starts over. Fresh. _"Yes, yes, yes! I love you guys!"_

_ "Can we unbuckle your arms now?" Willow asked as Dawn's three way hug subsided. Spike and Buffy exchanged a glance and nodded. Faith poked her head in the doorway and walked slowly towards the huddle on the floor._

_ "Hi B. Told you you'd like the S&M if you just gave it a try..." Spike growled and clutched Buffy's hand. "Whoa, Fang, just teasing. I'm glad you're both okay, but we've got wounded people here, in particular, _my _boyfriend, and he ain't healing like all the slayerettes."_

_ "Right." Buffy sighed, and flexed her arm. She still sat as close to Spike as if she were physically chained to him, and he made no move to separate from her. "We'll need to put blankets up on the windows. And secure the sleeping bag on the roof." _

_ "Or I could just do this!" Willow sounded so excited to be helpful. In a second she cloaked all the windows and openings on the bus with a thin gray film, leaving light but blocking the rays._

_ "Wow." Spike gave her an appraising smile. "Think you could fix up our flat like this?"_

_ "Sure!" Willow beamed. "No toasty Spikes. I mean, as in warm and cuddling in front of the fire, okay, but not with the-uh- bursty flame- I'm gonna go get everyone back on the bus!" And she fled._

_ "Flat?" Giles looked at them, poleaxed. Buffy gave him a withering glare. "Right. I'll- I'll be sure to get you a nice protective spell for a housewarming gift, shall I?"_

_ "Jus' don't give her a hard time, mate. That's all the gift I want." Spike looked affectionately at Buffy and Xander turned away abruptly._

_ "Xander..." Buffy's hand reached for him. "Please?"_

_ "Not- not you." Xander shook his head. He had his own grief, his own realizations about why you'd better be grateful to see someone, too appreciate the miracles you get, even if they come with a side of vamp champ. Dawn put her arms around him and whispered over his shoulder, looking pitifully at the blonde couple, _

_ "Anya. She- died. Saving Andrew."_

_ "No!" Buffy bolted up and threw her arms around Xander, who had begun to cry fresh tears. Even Spike, who never could profess closeness to Xander, felt like he'd gotten a knife to the chest. _

_ "She was one hell of a bird." Spike painfully rose and haltingly, uncertainly, patted his arm._

_ "I know." Xander choked out. "God. Buffy, how'd you stand it? Feels like- feels like I can't breathe, like my heart just tore out of my chest."_

_ "I had friends. I had time." She looked at Spike, turning her head to see his profile, marred with anger and grief. "I had a second chance."_

_ "This is very touching, and I'm sorry for your loss, but we need to get to LA by dark." Wood gently reminded them. _

_ "Robin, let me drive, you're hurt." Faith picked up her boyfriend as easily as if he were a child and gently settled him back into one of the bus seats._

_ "Where are we going in LA?" One of the new slayers asked as she climbed in. By tacit agreement, all the hardcore "originals" of the Sunnydale force were sitting in the back, and the wounded and new slayers up front._

_ "There's a- a friend there. Someone with his own forces who has agreed to put us up for the night." Giles explained._

_ "They're alive? They're alive! How'd he survive? I saw him trapped- I saw her staying with him-" The mini slayers, Andrew, Kennedy, Faith, and Wood were muttering amongst themselves, sounding for all the world like a swarm of bees._

_ "Buffy? Do you want to eat? Spike, I think there's some bags of blood we brought for transfusions, but most of the girls' slayer healing powers have kicked in. Wood might need it, but..."_

_ "Then Wood can have it. I'm fine." Spike and Buffy shared a seat, curled around each other, but facing the friends and family they had nearly lost._

_ "So good to see you again." Buffy murmured in a tremulous voice. "I just want to look at all of you. I'll worry about eating later."_

_ "How much farther?" Xander hollered to the front of the bus._

_ "An hour or so." Faith responded, before cranking up the volume on the radio._

_ Dawn dared to edge close to the lovers and found herself in a sisterly embrace while Spike smiled serenely. "Thought you were gone again." She whispered._

_ "I never thought we'd see you again. We were there for so long..." Buffy's lip trembled before she forced into a smile._

_ "Where?" Xander demanded. "I know you're exhausted, but I'm all with the burning curiosity, and I've had a pretty shitty day. So can you just tell me already?"_

_ "The talisman worn by the champion- oi, where'd that go?" Spike shrugged as he searched but didn't find it. "Is kind of like the off switch for the Hellmouth. 'Champion' in this case was a nice term for sacrifice."_

_ Gasps of horror met his words and the group circled closer._

_ "So I start to fry-"_

_ "And I ran up to him and tried to pull him free." Buffy's eyes began to overflow anew, and Spike gave her a brave smile. "But I couldn't- so I told him I loved him. I wanted him to know, before-" she let out a choking sob and Spike filled the breach with his voice._

_ "I told her she didn't, but thanked her for sayin' it." All of the friends glared at him, and Xander's fists were balled. "How could I let myself believe? After all I'd done? I'm a fool, and I know that. You beatin' it into me won't help."_

_ "No one beats you." Buffy interjected in a venomous voice. "I couldn't let him go, not after that. The Hellmouth caved and the light went all- cosmic weird-and I jumped in it with him."_

_ "Thought she was bloody stupid, and that she meant what she said." Spike caressed her tear streaked cheek and kissed her gently. "One blast later and we end up in front of the Wankers that Be-"_

_ "The Powers granted you an audience?" Giles looked stunned and impressed._

_ "They complimented our bravery and sacrifice." Spike let Buffy add "and love" before he went on. "They made us a little get back to Earth deal. We have- actually all of us have- another half in this one dimension. An' they had to make the same choices we made or will make, kind of be our mirror. And once they did, hey presto, home again."_

_ "And even if they never-" Buffy began, when Spike muttered under his breath,_

_ "They took a their sweet bloody time about it..."_

_ "Even if they never mirrored our choices, the Powers said we could stay together. In this void thingy."_

_ "Like heaven? Was it like heaven? You didn't get torn out of-" Willow's voice rose to a pathetic squeak and Buffy shushed her softly._

_ "No, Red. More like through the soddin' lookin' glass world. You can see your mirror images an' all your friends, but never get near 'em. Like torture. But you're not bein' ripped away from the one you love most, so I don't s'pose you could really call it hell, either."_

_ "That's so beautiful." Willow and Dawn squealed and Spike rolled his eyes. Buffy smiled tiredly._

_ "Can we back up a minute? Mirror images? All of us? Or just you?" Xander waved his hand as if waiting to be called on._

_ "All of us. But we're all different."_

_ "Anya? Did you see her?"_

_ "Or Tara?" Willow unthinkingly leaned forward and took Buffy's hands. "Is she there?"_

_ "They aren't Tara and Anya, but yes, they're there." Buffy sighed. "Will, don't go off trying to find her. The girl, Gwenn, knows all about Tara, but she isn't her. You'd only be disappointed."_

_ "So you found the other Spike a disappointment?" Xander snarled._

_ "No! I- he's wonderful. Oh, my God, he is like _the_ nicest guy." Everyone stared at her incredulously._

_ "Oi! I can be nice!" Spike defended himself and his other half. "An' really have to say, he is. A thoroughly nice bloke, without bein' a ponce. And the other Buffy, her name's Ess, she's beautiful. Not a patch on my girl though. Not as much spark, but she's kind and loving and thinks things out. I liked her." _

_ "What do you mean, when you say they know all about us, but they aren't us?" Giles interjected, tapping his chin thoughtfully with the stem of his glasses._

_ "That is _such_ a long story." Buffy winced. "Do you mind if we don't right now? I mean later, I'll tell you everything." Spike raised one eyebrow at her and she blushed. "Almost everything."_

_ "Macking on the undead. Can I get an 'ew' from the congregation?" Xander gagged. But there wasn't much force behind his words. Spike licked his lips seductively and bit Buffy's earlobe softly._

_ "Amen, brother." He drawled._

_ Dawn spoke up hesitantly. "I know you're tired, but can we just ask a couple questions? Please, please, please?"_

_ "Go ahead, Dawn." Buffy opened one arm to her sister who immediately crashed into it and snuggled in. Spike felt an odd sensation, as if this was a puzzle piece he'd been missing but afraid to try to find. He slowly wrapped both of his aching arms around the Summers women. And smiled so that it transformed his face. For a second, only William stared out, but the three who watched this tableau were too wise comment._

_ "What are we like?"_

_ "We look almost identical. We all have lives, normal lives- almost. We're in some sort of fictionalized version of our life." Buffy blushed. It sounded so weird. "A show, about fighting vampires."_

_ "Tell 'em what it's called, Pet." Spike chuckled and she glared at him. _

_ "No, this is Dawn's time for questions. You can ask two more, Dawn." Buffy said hastily. _

_ "And then we go beddy-bye for a bit." Spike yawned slightly._

_ "What do you mean, choices?"_

_ "For one, they had to learn to love each other. For another, they had to choose each other on a permanent basis." Buffy looked away from her friends' shocked expressions and pushed on. "Go on Dawn, one more?"_

_ "What other choices?" Dawn chose to play annoyingly persistent sister for a minute._

_ "Some things are private, Niblet. And some are for later." Spike answered firmly, but not unkindly. "You lot look as exhausted as we do. We're gonna get some kip before we go deal with Mr. Forehead."_

_ "Oh, God. Angel." Buffy's voice was weak. She saw the sudden look of pain and disbelief in Spike's eyes and she hastened to reassure. "Boy, do we have a story for him, huh?"_

_ "And you can't deal with him without some rest." Spike used his masterful voice again, and pulled the duster up around them. Willow wordlessly passed them a pillow. Buffy looked up at her and held open her arms._

* * *

_ He was squished, and maybe, very possibly, possessed of broken ribs again. But he didn't care. Five of them were shoved into one seat, with him between the wall and the sleeping Slayer. Giles sat across from the pile of dozing world-savers and looked on contentedly. He stood up silently and reached in his pocket. Spike couldn't have been more amazed than if Rupes had hauled off and kissed him, instead of passing him his silver flask. _

_ "My best Scotch. Twenty-three years old. And after all you've swiped from me-" Giles menaced, a smile behind his eyes. "Save me some."_

_ "Will do, mate." Spike mouthed and took a few hearty swallows before passing it back . _

_ "Thank you. For your part in this. For bringing her back to us again." Giles said stiffly._

_ "Of course I would. I _love_ her, I've been tryin' for so bloody long to make you see-" Spike halted his flow of ill-chosen words. Giles was doing a decent thing. He nodded once. "You're welcome, Giles."_

_ "I still intend to watch you like a hawk, you realize?"_

_ "Would be insulted if you didn't." Spike shrugged. Giles took a swig and passed the bottle again._

_ "Just so we're clear-" Giles crawled into the seat behind him so that he could put his head close to the vampire's, "My watching you is a formality. You won't be giving me cause to worry, will you?"_

_ "No, Watcher. Consider me a partner in the protect Buffy trust." Spike whispered back, laying his silver ringed hand atop her head. _

_ "Alright then. Here." Giles passed the flask again. "Drink up. Sooner you than me telling Angel that you've made plans to spend your lives together." Spike laughed and then paused, looking at the seriousness on Giles face. He shook the flask and heard only a faint sloshing sound. Almost empty. "I'll owe you a bottle?"_

_ "Oh, what the hell. Consider it a 'saving the world' gift." Giles smiled and Spike emptied the liquor in one gulp._

* * *

_To be continued..._


	10. Chapter 10

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note:Head's up if you're reading this for the first time, and not re-reading this revision of Behind the Scenes- When I first wrote this, I had never seen the Angel series and was definitely writing more from my brain than trying to mesh with canon. Still- it works out. I hope you'll enjoy. _

_Author's Second Note: Smut warning! Mushy, too. All Spuffy._

_Dedicated to Ginar369, Omslagspapper, Illusera, Love is Realand4eva, teamtorettosupporter, DarkShadow722, gottaloveva, and my anonymous guest reviewer who was so complimentary. Thank you for your encouraging words and following this piece._

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine. **_

**Part X**

_ "Rise and shine! Welcome to LA!" Faith jerked the bus crookedly to a stop and jumped the stairs of the bus. "Everybody out, we got people to meet and places to crash in." Blinking, stretching, or talking nervously, everyone from the bus began to flow down the stairs and into the giant glassy front of a huge law firm. Buffy and Spike brought up the rear, limping and holding one another up, but smiling from ear to ear._

_ "Welcome to the headquarters of the famous, fabulous, and deadly Wolfram & Hart, lawyers to the evil and demonic." Angel greeted the battle weary girls with a broad smile. "Now under new management. Much less evil management." He looked through the herds and found his target. "There she is, the girl who makes it all possible." Angel raced to Buffy and skidded to a halt when he realized the object of his affection was hanging on to a black leather clad _thing_ that disgusted him._

_ "Hi! Thank you so much for the talisman!" Buffy gently disengaged her arm from around Spike and gave Angel a hug. Just a hug._

_ "Buf-Buffy-" He paused and then realized that a small army of bloodied and bruised people, mainly girls, were surrounding him. "I knew you were coming. We can't stay here. The Senior Partners are pretty ticked, largely because the Powers have just taken a 51% voting stock in this particular branch."_

_ "So, you're only a half-evil law firm now?" Buffy grinned._

_ "You got it. We are now an ambiguous law firm." Angel laughed and tried to ignore the way that Spike and Buffy seemed to pull apart and return to one another like magnets. "Hi, Xander. Willow. Giles. Faith." He nodded to each._

_ "Hello, Angelus." Spike said quietly._

_ "William." He replied frostily. "Come on. We'll put you up at the Hyperion. But- uh, lose the bus."_

_ "You're putting us up?" Xander repeated slowly._

_ "Yeah, as in you sleep and we pay." Angel smiled. "But come on. Before my staff comes to the lobby." Angel ushered them out. "I've got cars coming around the front now- oh, but Giles, if you want to stay, I have some papers that arrived for you about an hour ago."_

_ "For me?" Giles looked puzzled. "Papers? From whom?"_

_ "They're sealed, but they passed the safety test. No curses, hexes, or evil charms included."_

_ "Can you bring them by the hotel tomorrow, please? It's been rather a tiring day."_

_ "Of course." Angel bowed his head and escorted the last of them out, wincing as he saw Spike's arm around Buffy's narrow waist, her arm entwined with his elbow._

_ "I'm taking Robin to get checked out at the hospital! The blood's still oozing, and the stomach isn't something to mess with." Faith was climbing back in the bus. "Tell the girls to get their stuff off the bus first. There's a handful of blankets and bags in here."_

_ "You guys lost everything, huh?" Angel fell into step behind beside Buffy and Spike._

_ "Yeah." She shrugged. "But we gained a lot, too. Angel, we're free! No more Hellmouth! At least not from here to Cleveland! Normal for just a little bit!"_

_ "I'm happy for you." Angel forced the words out._

_ "Willow! We'll go shopping! I have my parents' Visa Gold card." Kennedy smiled delightedly. "I'll buy my goddess some beautiful things."_

_ "Let's just get to the hotel first." Willow was holding up Xander, who barely seemed able to walk under his own steam._

_ "There's a fair number of these girls, Angel. How many rooms did you book?" Giles asked._

_ "All of them." Buffy and Giles stared at him, open mouthed. "Well, I couldn't waltz all of you in with your bags full of weapons and maybe a vamp, could I?" No one said anything, but nodded gratefully. Angel sighed. "Also- I kinda used to own it. Now Wolfram and Hart does. It's changed a lot, but- never mind. Let's go."_

_ The Hyperion, under new management, so to speak, turned out to be one of those impersonal hotels where everyone treats you like the idle rich but no one could describe you after you left. Perfect for this delegation. The mini-slayers swarmed into their own rooms, showering, calling room service, sleeping, and then once Angel got the word spread around that Wolfram and Hart would foot the bill for some new clothes, the whole flock of them rushed out._

_ Almost all. One pair seemed to be struggling at the threshold of the building._

_ "We almost lost Buffy today! And Anya is _dead_!" Willow's words rang from the main entrance and reached the corner couches of the the lobby. Xander's shoulders jerked like he'd been stabbed between them. "How can you want to go shopping now?"_

_ "I want to celebrate that my lover is alive and the world is so much safer, and you're losing it? This is a night to celebrate!" Kennedy's voice rang out._

_ "This is a night to reflect and give thanks for our lives!" Willow hollered back._

_ "That's what I said. Giving thanks for being alive- celebration! And then some patrol! We are _strong_, Will, we can totally kick any demon ass we find here."_

_ "I'm not leaving. Pick me up an outfit if you want. I'll see you when you get home." The sound of the glass lobby door shattering as Kennedy, imbued with Slayer strength, shut it angrily, announced Willow's return._

_ "Decided to stay in." Willow smiled tightly and walked back to the group sitting in the deserted lobby. She took a seat beside Xander and looked apologetically at Angel. "Um, there was an accident with the door..."_

_ "I heard." Angel sighed. "You all are beat. I'll take care of the door. I'll take care of everything, just please, try not to call attention to yourselves." Angel shook his head again. "As if that were possible." He left the group, but turned back, eyes on Buffy. "Do you want to talk?"_

_ "Maybe tomorrow." Buffy smiled apologetically. Spike tightened his arm around her shoulders and Angel stormed off. "Let's go get something to eat. Dawn? Coming?" _

_ "Umm. Can I see if the cars are still here? I really need some new clothes. I'll pick you guys up something." She asked hopefully. "I mean, Willow, I totally agree with what you said about giving thanks and if you think it's wrong I'll so stay in, but Buffy needs a new shirt, hers is all ripped, and Spike's shirt is burned."_

_ "Whoa, Dawn." Xander laughed. "Impressive babbling!"_

_ "Go on, Dawnie. Stay with-' Buffy stopped. Everyone she trusted was with her. The young slayers were great, but far from her close friends. No one she would trust her sister with. _

_ "With me." Giles stepped up. "I'm a complete mess, of course. Give me a moment to rinse off some of this dust, and we'll go." Dawn yipped and hugged him before turning gratefully to Spike and Buffy, and kissing Xander and Willow on top of their heads._

_ "We should go get room keys." Buffy said as the silence built and the girl departed._

_ "Yeah." Xander agreed hollowly._

_ "Here, I'll get them." Spike stood and limped to the front desk. "Three rooms, please. One of them far from any others. And two of them right next door to one another, please." Spike spoke politely, but his eyes never left the threesome huddled on the couch. _Poor sod. Losin' his only real love. _He wouldn't wish it on anyone. He'd lived it himself. "Ta'." He took the keys and examined them. _

_ "So, did we get a suite?" Buffy asked, then blushed. _

_ "No, Pet, but you say the word-" Spike's smile was flirtatious, but quiet. He wasn't going to rub their love in the faces of two people who had lost a partner within the year. Not if it wasn't vital. "I asked the lady to give you rooms beside each other. In case." He shrugged._

_ "Yeah. Good. You shouldn't be alone right now." Willow gently tugged Xander to his feet. "Let's get you into a hot shower and order you some food."_

_ "Will, please, I'm not a child." Xander glowered. _

_ "They have steaks." Willow tempted._

_ "Coming, Mommy."_

_ Buffy shook her head as her two best friends walked off. "I wish I could do something for him."_

_ "I know, Luv." Spike kissed her cheek gently, "But right now, we're going to go do something for us." He led her towards the exit and she balked._

_ "But everyone will-"_

_ "Will know we're resting, and we'll be home soon." Spike wheedled. "Please, Luv. I don't want to be interrupted tonight..."_

_ "Oh." Buffy's voice caught in her throat. "Right."_

* * *

_ They walked hurriedly down the crowded streets of LA. They stopped and bought clothes at a trashy-looking shop, but they didn't care. The clothes were clean and basic, and they had years to shop. As they walked, Spike changed course abruptly, following a lit sign he saw in the distance._

_ "A Best Western?" Buffy gawked as they drew abreast of the building._

_ "Clean, quiet, private. Please, Luv,.." Spike swallowed. "If you want to wait, okay. But I thought you an' I could- spend some time together." _

_ "I don't want to wait. I- I guess I'm surprised it's going to be so normal. You, me, checking into a hotel for a few hours."_

_ "It will be anything but normal. Or for just a few hours." His tongue snaked around his parted lips. "But good guess on the you an' me bit." He held out his elbow and she shyly took it. _

All the things I've done with him. X-rated, intimate things. And all the love I've shown him, and I've never 'made love' to him in this body, in this form._ Buffy considered this as she followed him in a daze, watching him ask for a suite, a private location, and glare down the manager who looked at their ragged clothing. She briefly wondered where the wad of bills came from, but smiled inside as she watched the manager slam down a key in a flash once he saw it. Spike asked if they had room service, asked for an extra packet of toiletries, took them, nodded and began to walk towards her. _He must want it so badly, but he's still taking care of me. And him- he's crashed through a bus and been put back together with spells. God knows when he fed before, it wasn't last night, it wasn't today. We need to get him some blood. He's still limping, but his bone is healed. Wonder why he's limping...

_ "Comin', Pet?" His voice shook her back to reality and she followed him soundlessly to the elevator. He shifted the plastic toiletries bag into the plastic shopping bag containing their new clothes and freed up his hand to hold hers. Once inside the elevator, he leaned his head back and rested, and she clung to him._

_ "When was the last time you ate?" She whispered._

_ "Feels like years since I've done anything." He laughed softly. "Must be two days now. But I'm fine, Luv. Could dance all night with you, you know that."_

_ She shivered with anticipation, the husk of his voice stroking down her spine. _

_ "Are you cold, Baby? I'll keep you warm..." He wrapped his battered duster around her and placed a kiss on her mussed hair. The elevator buzzed as it groaned to a stop on the top floor. "Now, you call the Hyperion and tell them to leave a message for Dawn Summers. Tell 'em we're fine and give 'em the number on the phone. If they've got a real problem, they'll be able to reach us."_

_ "What are _you_ going to be doing?" Buffy asked, sliding under his shoulder to offer him some support._

_ "I'm going to run you a nice, hot bath."_

_ "Am I a mess?" Buffy ran her hands distractedly over her wrinkled and blood-stained clothes and tangled hair._

_ "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He glanced at her quickly and then away. "But you deserve some lookin' after, an' I'm the bloke for the job. Make your call, I'll see to things."_

_ Spike shrugged off his duster and then fished around in the bag to retrieve the complimentary hotel toiletries. Toothbrushes, razors, comb, and the rest, the soap, shampoo and body wash, among other things, all stacked on the counter by the bath. He figured she might want some time alone. To do human things. Bathing (which he did) and using the loo (which he did not), and any other private female thing that he should know about after a hundred plus years with a woman, but didn't. He'd no experience, Dru being thoroughly un-human in her needs._

_ "I prefer showers." Buffy's voice startled him and he rammed his head into the edge of the sink in his hurry to straighten up. "Oh, Spike! I'm so sorry!" She scurried to his side and rubbed his scalp._

_ "Hell, Summers, thought we had a truce." He gave her a big grin to let her know that there was nothing serious behind his words. He gently kissed her little pink mouth, forcing down his lustful urges, and began sliding out of the room. "I'll leave you to it."_

_ "B-but- you're dirty, too." She protested, redness immediately suffusing her cheeks._

_ "Knew you loved that about me." He joked with a cocky wink and little hip wiggle. "Seriously, Pet- we shared everythin' up there, but down here, I figure you've got human business to attend to." He squeezed her hand and backed out, shutting the door softly behind him._

_ That was really thoughtful, Buffy admitted, though she felt bereft without his presence. It seemed like ages since she'd been apart from him, even without his physical presence, even just being able to see his shadowy form gave her indescribable comfort and peace. But she _did _have to use the toilet, and she did- she unbuttoned her jeans and looked at her legs-want to shave. With a small female army in the house, the shower had not been a thing of relaxation, more of a 'get in, get clean, get out -so someone else can do the same' thing. That last morning before the battle- how the hell was that only yesterday?- had been spent in a frenzy and she couldn't remember if she'd even taken a shower. But back to the present, when she had the place almost entirely to herself. She used the facilities and got in the shower, reaching gratefully for the shampoo and body wash, and razor- and paused. _

Spike loves you. Loves you broken and bloody. Loves you covered in Double Meat Palace deep fat fryer smell, loves you covered in demon entrails- even loves you if you're covered in someone else's scent and you won't let him in. You think he cares if you're a little sweaty and grimy? You think he cares if you have stubble on your legs? _"Spike! I need you!" She shouted, and in less time that it took to close her mouth after the last word, she heard the door slam open and felt the wall shake._

_ "Buffy? Buffy? Are you okay? Hell. That's extra on the bill..." She peeked her head around the corner of the curtain to see a nice doorknob shaped dent in the wall._

_ "I need you. I love you. I didn't mean to scare you, but - I don't like when you're not near me anymore." She explained, trying not to sound as insecure as she felt. _

_ "Shh, I'm right here. I'm always right here, Buffy." Spike took her wet hand and eased himself onto the edge of the tub, still favoring one leg._

_ "No. Not on the edge." She said significantly. She'd always forced him to the edge, never let him get to the inside. "Come in. With me."_

_ "Are you sure?" He asked. He didn't think she would change her mind. He in fact knew she _could_ not. Once the Powers mention something is a done deal, it is. But it was still taking a lot of getting used to. The void was safe. They had no reason to conceal anything there, there was no one else to influence them inside their silver haze. Merging this world with that world was what they had both talked about every day, and now it seemed strange and new. But they would make it work. _

_ "I'm sure." She pulled back the curtain, letting him see her, in the flesh. No hiding under rugs or covers, or even the guise of invisibility. His mouth popped open and his groin popped up. "You like?"_

_ "I love. I love you, love your body, the way you look." He reached for her reverently and then stopped. _Right. Clothes off._ He began pulling off his shirt and felt her damp hands working at his belt buckle. Then he bent and began unlacing his boots, and she knelt too, leaning over the tub and undoing his other lace. Together they slid off his socks and rolled down his pants, and she gasped. "Mm. Glad I've still got it." He smirked, thinking she was admiring the jutting hardness between his thighs._

_ "Your leg, you idiot! What the hell happened to it?" A huge, ragged tear trailed down from knee to ankle on one leg, oozing blood, but not enough to be obvious. _

_ "Oh. I think I caught it on some metal. Crashin' through the roof an' all." He shrugged. He stepped in and sighed. "Love warm water. That'll sort the leg." He gently caressed her flat, soft stomach. "Now let me see you. You're the one gettin' gashed in the belly."_

_ "Slayer healing. All better." And bravely, she didn't wince, even though it did hurt. "No marks even. Just some redness." Her eyes softened as he bent to feather a soft kiss on her. He kissed the faint scar on her forehead. He kissed the bruises on her arm. He rumbled low in his chest when she began rubbing him down with a soapy washcloth. "What're you doin'? He asked, straightening up. _

_ "Loving you." She kneaded his muscles and he purred. "My tiger." She whispered. _

_ "Bloody right, I'm your tiger." He grabbed her arms hard, yanking her to him, about to devour her- and then unclenched immediately. "But not tonight. Tonight I'm going to make love. Tiger can come back in the morning."_

_ "So what are you? My little fuzzy teddy bear?" She coughed awkwardly, overwhelmed with the adoring look he gave her._

_ "I'm yours. Just yours." He smiled._

_ "Oh, Spike!" She broke down with powerful suddenness, alarming them both. "S-sorry, I'm all blubbery and I'm just so sorry I was all-"_

_ "No, no that's fine." He soothed, wrapping her in his arms. He backed her into the shower stream and held her there. "It's just water, right, Luv?" She smiled through her tears as they blended with the spray. _

_ "No, I-"_

_ "It's only water, Slayer." He repeated and she looked harder at him. Water coursed over his pale visage, but a startling amount seemed to leak from the corners of his eyes. "Stop, Summers." He said with a harsh breath. She looked away and then he tilted her head up to his. "I never thought this would happen." _

_ "Me either." She couldn't conceal her sobs now. Water didn't mask the trembling in her voice and the shaking in her shoulders. "I love you. I love you so much. Please don't let this be a dream..."_

_ "I swear it's real." He promised. "I swear, Buffy. Never gonna let you go, never leave you again."_

_ "Me, too." She clung to him and they massaged each other in the steamy flood. Soap and shampoo came into play. "You're good at this." Buffy sighed as he soothed her scalp._

_ " Am I?" He smiled. He had used to brush Dru's hair when she was really ill, but never washed it. All a vamp needed to do was have a good feed to restore the luster to their hair and skin. "You are too. No one's ever done this for me before."_

_ "Your hair is like silk." Buffy muttered wonderingly. "I'll do it every chance I get." She paused and looked back at the razor on the edge of the soap tray. "Do- do you mind if I shave my legs when you're in here?" He wordlessly looked at her, shaking his head. "Okay, good. I just want to look nice for tonight." She turned to retrieve the razor and felt his hands take her hips._

_ "Sit down." He placed her on the ledge of the tub. He took the razor from her hand and the soap from the drain. "Now, warn me if I'm doing this wrong..."_

_ "What are you doing?" She looked at him in stark amazement as he propped the handle in his mouth and started lathering her legs with both of his hands, resting her heel on his upper leg._

_ "Shut up, woman. I'm new at this." He smiled up at her and spat the razor back into his palm, pointing it blade down and running it softly up her leg. It wasn't a sensual delight or anything, but the strength of his devotion, and his careful, worried gaze as he followed the blade up and down made her melt. Made her want more than ever to marry this man and be his mate, and if miracles happened, make a family with him. "I love you!" She suddenly cried and bent, throwing her arms around his neck._

_ "Ow! Dammit, dammit, Buffy!" He hissed._

_ "Did I cut you?" Buffy pulled back, seizing his hands. _

_ "No, you made me cut_ you_! Dammit to hell, Luv, I was so careful!" He broke the razor handle in half, bending it over his thumb with a snap. _

_ "I didn't even feel it. I- watching you do that. Watching you look at me- like you want to notice every little detail- I just had to tell you I love you. It doesn't hurt." She stuck her leg out under the water and let the spray wash the soapy slice of skin. _

_ His eyes flared at her, and he started to rise. "I need- to get a drink." He pushed off the tile with his strong arms, and she caught him._

_ "Wait- doesn't vampire saliva have the power to seal a cut?"_

_ "Only if I put my mouth on you." He whispered._

_ "Then put your mouth on me..." She urged. "It's not feeding, Baby. You're healing me."_

_ "But I'll want to drink, Luv." He backed away, one leg starting to connect with the world outside the tub._

_ "Please. Please let me do this one thing for you." She whispered. "I'm not going to ask again, I won't beg you to."_

_ "My demon'll rise." He murmured warningly. "And he's not invited to tonight's party."_

_ "I'm inviting him over for drinks. He has to leave before the main course." Buffy said suggestively. She played dirty, sitting back down on the edge of the tub, but this time spreading her hips and letting her fingers explore her wetness in front of him. Something she'd never done outside of the void, something he had never seen or smelt in all its glorious color and heat. "Do you think-" she traced her cut with her drenched fingers, "- that blood and Buffy juice make a nice cocktail?"_

_ "You're makin' this hard, Pet." He sank, almost unwillingly, to his knees. _

_ "I just love you. I want to make you better." She gave him her best pout. He groaned, gently nibbled her lip, before trailing his tongue down to her wet center. He dove in in, making her screech softly, and whimper when he stopped. Her blood was calling to him, just enough to drag him away from his other favorite fluid. He hesitantly, reverently lifted her nicked calf to his lips and looked into her eyes. "I'm sure." She answered the question he didn't ask._

_ "I know." He whispered. "I'm not bitin'. I'm sealin' you up." He dared her to argue with him. And of course, his woman was the most tenacious creature he'd ever met, stronger than any demon he'd ever seen, and that was saying something. So she argued._

_ "Can't you suck some without biting? You know you need your leg to be strong for tomorrow."_

_ "I can try to." He reluctantly agreed. What he didn't say was that it was like waving a slit throat in front of his demon and telling it to appear but not sink its teeth in. Bloody, _bloody_ stubborn woman he had. God, he loved her._

_ He traced his lips all around her cut, growling softly as he did. He thrust two fingers inside her to replace his dancing tongue, making her arch. Making her blood pump. The trickle turned into a stream as she thrashed suddenly in pleasure, and he latched on, teeth carefully sheathed. _

_ She was amazin'. The best blood in the world was Slayer blood. The best blood in the universe had to be Slayer blood mixed with her arousal. And the best blood in all universes had to be the mixture of Slayer blood and arousal that came willingly from the woman you loved, who loved you back. "Buffy. Slayer. Love you so much." He took a few tentative pulls on her leg, keeping his hand busy inside her. He knew she didn't hurt, but he wanted to make sure pleasure would outweigh any other memory she had of this experience._

_ "I love you, too." She panted, her little rear lifting right off the ledge as she braced in a wave of pleasure. _

_ "Mos' amazin' taste in all creation, Buffy." He slowly sealed her cut, dragging his tongue along it, fighting down his greedy urges._

_ "That's all?" She asked wide-eyed. "That was like, two sips. What kinda vamp are you?" She baited him. _

_ "It's funny, init? The best thing I've ever tasted an' I don't want too much." He kissed her inner thigh and reattached at her sweet pouting folds. _

_ "Ohhh oohhhh." She let out a long breath, a slow double pant. "But your leg, you've gotta heal, Baby, I need you to be-"_

_ He rose like a rocket, no pain showing. He cast an appraising look at his leg. "Seems fine to me." He smirked._

_ "How'd that happ-" Buffy never got to finish her inquiry. He swooped her up in his arms, her legs dangling over one forearm, her back resting against the other. Spike's leg, though still gashed, had magically started to close over, smooth white skin starting to thread across the muscle underneath, and it supported his weight easily._

_ "Good blood." He carried her to the bed and slid up beside her, running his hand along her legs all the way from toes to hip. "Hi, Luv." He smiled._

_ "Hi, Baby." She smiled back, her eyes warm and welcoming. His smile suddenly became strained, and Spike rolled to the side of the bed and began fiddling with the radio. _

_ "Soddin' thing. Never find a decent-"_

_ "What's up?" She leaned over, resting her chin on his shoulder._

_ "Lookin' for some music to make it right." He shrugged and scanned again._

_ "It's already right. Since when have we even ever had a bed and door that locked?" She traced his ribs through his ivory muscles and he slowly leaned back, relaxing. Now it was her turn to suddenly tense. "Let me just get the lights-"_

_ His hand on her shoulder made her pause. "No. You're right. This is how it should be. I wanna hear every noise you make, Buffy. Every sound. Don't wanna muffle it with music." He wrapped his arms around her, hands sliding easily up her back. "I don't want the lights off, Luv, 'cause I wanna see everything you do, everything we do together."_

_ "Spike-" her voice caught in her throat. She swallowed. No more tears. They had survived everything and were finally starting the life they talked about all those times when only hopeful dreams kept them from going insane. "That sounds perfect."_

_ "Buffy. Buffy..." Her name was a long drawn sigh as he rolled atop her, kissing her, melding her mouth to his, plunging his tongue in deep as if he could drink her in. Her leg hitched up around his and he grunted with the effort of staying away from his sweet pink prize. "Ah ah ah. Didn't I say hours?"_

_ "I've got Slayer strength, buster. You know I can take it for hours."_

_ "I'm not doin' it that way, Pet. Not turnin' this into a repeat of all the shags we've had. Not tonight, anyway." He chuckled low in his throat. "Though God, I've never had the pleasure of fuckin' a house to rubble before. I'd love to try it again..." _

_ She glared at him before breaking into a giggle. "Okay. No destructo-Buffy."_

_ "Oh, you can destroy me, Luv." He reassured, kissing down her throat and dwelling over her pulse point. "But you always restore me. Now that you love me." He rained kisses all over her skin. "You taste so sweet, Buffy. Like roses smell, that's how you taste. Roses, and blood, and sunlight. All the best things in the world."_

_ "You- I'm not- I can't talk like you talk." She finally gave up with a moan._

_ "I love you. I don't care what words you use to say it back, 's long as you say it." His kisses reached her hot little mound, all glistening and quivering. Just waiting to be lavished. And lavish he did, finding her nub and caressing it, circling it with his tongue before dividing her folds with his tongue and finding her opening. "Beautiful. You're so lovely, Buffy."_

_ "Ahh. Ahhh, God, Spike." She clutched his silken hair, and clutched his neck. Blood welled up under her nails as he used his mouth to make her shudder. He growled low and lapped harder. "Oh! Sorry!" She looked down at his neck, at the six little claw marks inflicted by three fingers of each hand on either side of his neck._

_ "What? Why sorry?" He looked up at her, lips glimmering with flecks of her sweet juice, and completely puzzled. "Why sorry?"_

_ "I- I play too rough with you." She admitted with difficulty. "You're the vampire, and I just cut you. I guess- I don't know how to be the girl, and I like that I never had to hold back with you before."_

_ He smiled up at her, resting his chin on her belly. "You don't have to hold back, Luv. You be who you are, that's what makin' love is, yeah? Lovin' the person for who they are." He gave her an appraising glance that made her suddenly self-conscious. "And as for not knowin' how to be the girl- you're right." Her face fell heartbreakingly, but he was quick with his save. "That's because you're a woman. You're a hell of a woman, and don't think I'm sayin' that because you can kick my ass."_

_ "But I can." She pointed out, teasing him._

_ "Given. But no, Buffy. Girls are young, and innocent, and helpless. You are young, and pure. Not innocent, pure. There's a difference, and strong. Even if you're helpless in a situation, the strength is in you." He caressed her face as she leaned forward, taking his tasty treat away but exchanging it for her lips._

_ "How do you always know what to say?" Buffy asked._

_ "I don't. Do you remember all the soddin' arguments we've had?" They laughed. "We're learnin' is all." He kissed her again, grabbing the back of her neck just as hard as she held his. The hunter and the hunted, roles always reversing in an endless dance, but always equally strong. _

_ "Lay back." She commanded. His eyes almost glowed as he obeyed. "I didn't give you this nearly enough when we had the first chance..." Buffy sank his member into her mouth in one long, slow thrust. _

_ "Christ, Buffy". He gasped. She was so hot, she was going to boil him, one inch at a time. And moving so slow. Torture, so exquisite, but torture. At least now he had a good long time to watch... His hand reached out and rested on her head, thumb stroking a ripple of delight across her cheek bone. "You would have never let me do this a year ago. Touch you while you were pleasin' me."_

_ "Stupid Buffy." She slid up him with a wet slurp. "Smart Buffy here now."_

_ "Brilliant. Bloody, brilliant, Buffy, _shit_!" She slid him all the way in until he hit the back of her throat and she squeezed her muscles around him. She looked up at him with wide eyes. "No, no, sorry, Luv, excellent, bleedin' excellent."_

_ "You taste so good. How'd I not notice that before?" Buffy looked up at him, lips pouting from the intense sucking._

_ "I didn't taste good?" He propped himself up on his elbows and his eyebrows quirked upwards in shock. "Well- why didn't you tell- I'm not totally selfish-". Her hands dug into his thighs, making him cease his upward struggle._

_ "I never said you didn't taste good. I said you taste 'so good'. As in you taste better than ever. Why is that?" She looked up at him as she ran her tongue up and down him again, swirling it frantically over the tip. "You don't have to answer that. I know. It's 'cause I love you. Everything tastes better when you admit you're in love."_

_ They shifted positions easily, seamlessly. Him on top, her on top, no penetration, just teasing, tasting, endless kisses._

_ Wish there was some sort of guidebook to choosin' the correct position, Spike said in his head. _Is there some position that conveys undying, eternal love, as well indicates that this is your first time makin' love after one year of senseless shaggin' and one year of strict non-sexual mutual affection? Not to mention a very, very long time of being everything to each other, the _only_ thing to each other in some inter-dimensional holdin' cell?

_ "It's already perfect." Buffy whispered._

_ "Hm?" Spike startled from his reverie and passionate kiss as her lips moved._

_ "I can tell what you're thinking." Spike looked at her wide-eyed. "Oh, no not like, read your mind or anything." _

_ "Kinda miss that, Luv." They lay face to face, legs tangled, hands caressing each other's torsos. Spike wrapped a finger round one of her locks and twirled it to a curl._

_ "Anyway, I mean I can guess what you're thinking. I don't know how to put this into the perfect context. We had a long 'time' to make things right with each other, and all the sudden it's like we rewound a tape back to the beginning. Made love to you a thousand times up there, slept with you a hundred times down here. Now we're supposed to blend it. I suck at blending."_

_ "You tend to forget the lid before pressin' start, Pet." He teased. Then sighed. "I'm tryin' to be what you need, Luv. Give you everything you want, and make this right for you."_

_ It almost hurt her to see him so tentative. She appreciated the caring, the loving, but it wasn't like he was relaxing, enjoying himself. She peered deep into his eyes, holding his face in her hands. "You' re always what I need. But... Where's your swagger, Spike? You're irritating and obnoxious and you don't have to try so hard to-"_

_ "Swagger's gone for the evenin'. Be back in the mornin'." He interrupted her, a glint in his eye._

_ "Like the tiger?" She whispered._

_ "Like the tiger." He agreed. " 'Cause I'm not goin' to screw this up."_

_ "No, you won't. Neither will I." She traced an X over her heart. "Cross my heart and hope -"_

_ "Shut your mouth!" Spike hissed._

_ "Shut if for me." She challenged. He growled once and gave in, kissing her hard. She ensnared him in her arms, pulled him down, and in, slowly, gently, while she kissed him. Her fingers traced over his rippled chest, found his nipples and teased them. His hand reached up, cupping her soft breast and rolling her peak under his thumb._

_ "My girl, my Buffy." He gasped. There was silence except for happy little gasps and labored breathing, and a wet squelch of hard cock meeting wet pussy. His mouth replaced his hand and caressed her breast._

_ "Oh. This is what it's like." She murmured. _

_ "What it's like?" He tore his mouth from her nipple with a final twitch of his tongue._

_ "Making love. Feels like sex- but with your heart in it. Both hearts in it." She wrapped her arms around him hard, her nails piercing his skin again. "Hasn't ever felt that way-" But once, she added in her head. And then shook her head stubbornly. "No, not even once. It's easy to love someone who seems perfect. It's real when you fight for it, when it doesn't come easy." Buffy met his eyes._

_ "I know." He nodded. _

_ "So make it real." She whispered. "I'll give you all of me- if you give me all of you."_

* * *

_ The hotel must have very tolerant or narcoleptic guests, was Spike's first thought on waking several hours later. There wasn't a dry spot on the bed, there wasn't a piece of furniture that hadn't been christened in their activities. And for once, there were no bruises or cuts on either of them. No one ran out screaming or exchanging insults. "I could get used to this." _

_ "Me, too, Honey." Buffy rolled over from her spot on the floor. "Love you."_

_ "I love you, too." He stood up and stretched, pulling her with him. They stared at each other, sleep rumpled and warm. For the first time ever. " Hi Luv." _

_ She hugged him, hard, and they laughed. "Hi."_

_ "C'mon. Put on your new bits and bobs and let's get back to the fancy-ass hotel Peaches paid for."_

_ "Before Dawn goes postal. I'm-I'm _not _giving this up though, okay? Just cause my sister's around? I'm still expecting us to do the whole room sharing thing and everything else we talked about."_

_ "Well, that's a relief. Glad I don't have to _convince_ you." Spike softly bit her neck, still in human form, cupping her breasts as he stood behind her. "Although I'd be happy to remind you at any point." He bumped his groin softly against her rear and she squirmed pleasurably._

_ "Stop, Spike, you're making it really hard to leave the room..."_

_ "So, let's not leave the room, Pet." _

_ "We have to, it's almost four. The sun'll be up soon." _

_ "I can pay for another day if you like, Sweetlet." Spike caressed her hips, walking her slowly back to the bed. _

_ "No, we've gotta get back to Dawn. And I don't know if you remember - but we talked about getting a little piece of normalcy. We've got to get out of LA and find our own place."_

_ "And all your mates are still coming with us, I presume?" Spike sighed with mock despair._

_ "Absolutely. I mean, if they want to. But we already knew-"_

_ "I know, Luv. But it just means we've got to sit down and have one of the infamous Scooby planning meetings. And it was hard enough to do that with a simple 'Oh no, what demon could it be?' problem. Can you imagine tryin' to get that lot to agree on what part of the country, what part of the _world_, to move to?"_

_ "Oh no..." Buffy looked at him with dawning realization. "Oh _no_!" Combining the tastes of Xander, Willow, Dawn, Giles, Spike and herself- and she supposed Kennedy was now included as Willow's girlfriend- would be almost impossible. "Ohhh noooo." She put her head in her hands and leaned back against his supportive chest._

_ "So, shall I call down to the front desk?" He smirked into her hair. _

To be continued...


	11. Chapter 11

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: All Spike/ Buffy chapter. Lot of plot explanation, tying up loose ends chapter. Sorry, I gotta put it somewhere..._

_Dedicated to Ginar369, Omslagspapper, Illusera, Shadowcat802, gottaloveva, and my anonymous guest reviewer who was so complimentary. Thank you for your encouraging words and following this piece._

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine. **_

**Part XI**

_"Ow, _ow_,_ OW_!" Spike and Buffy burst through the doors of the Hyperion just as the sun reflected off the glass front and singed him slightly. They greeted a pacing Giles, Dawn, and Willow inside the otherwise deserted lobby. "Mornin' all." Spike said casually. "Any coffee?"_

_ "Hi, guys." Buffy looked at her feet. Suddenly shy. _Everyone knows what we did, everyone's thinking I'm dirty, everyone's thinking I just had him inside me, let him do things to me. _His fingers drifted down her arm and curled in her palm. Her head slowly rose and met his eyes. _Everyone knows I let him love me. And that he didn't leave me. Come hell or even the end of existence, he stays._ "I just made love, made _love_, as in not just sex, all night, with Spike. Who's got a problem with that?"_

_ "Eww! Too much information, okay?" Dawn squealed, and Giles polished his glasses so hard it looked as though the lens would fly through the frame at any moment. Willow blushed._

_ "Come out, have we?" Spike wrapped his arm around her waist. She gave him a tight smile, but her eyes shone. He puffed up his chest. "Right. Now you lot know without a doubt. Niblet, stop screamin', gives a man a headache. Watcher, sorry to ditch you last night, had urgent, _personal_ business. Mornin' Red." Spike led his sweetheart around to her friends._

_ "Oh, dear Lord." Giles sighed. "I suppose it's useless for me to tell you how very disgusting this is? I feel I can no longer say it is 'wrong' per se, but certainly, quite- quite stomach turning."_

_ "No point at all." She laughed softly. "And yeah. Kinda stomach turning."_

_ "Oi!" Spike glared at her._

_ "Admit it. Some of the things you do to me give me quite the fluttering tummy. That-"_

_ "Hey! Hey, no more- of the- cause we don't really-" Willow waved the conversation to a halt with a frantic babble and nervous hand twitches. "Too much information."_

_ "Yeah." Dawn cast a dreamy look over the couple. "So is this like- permanent? Like yesterday, you mentioned something about choosing one another permanently?"_

_ Buffy and Spike were spared the complicated answering process by Angel's arrival. "Wow. You're up. I didn't think anyone would be up."_

_ "Some of us haven't even been down yet, Mate." Spike said with a cocky smile. Angel turned from him sharply and spoke to Giles._

_ "I wanted to get over here before the sun got high. The gem of Amara's kind of- destroyed." Angel shrugged. "Giles, I've got those papers. And I got a _lot_ of weird stuff coming out of the faxes at Wolfram and Hart."_

_ "Pertaining- to the? Oh, well, yes then. My room?"_

_ "Fine." Angel's gaze burned into the blonde couple as he walked solemnly after Giles._

_ "I'm gonna go eat." Buffy said abruptly, and darted off- only to pause about fifteen feet away. "I don't- know our room number." She looked at her friends sheepishly._

_ "Comin', Kitten." Spike smiled broadly. "Let's see what the room service lot can do about getting a few pints of blood upstairs. Man needs his strength." He gave a sly wink over his shoulder and walked Buffy to the elevator. _

_ As soon the steel doors shut, Dawn squealed and jumped up and down, hugging. "This is so cool! Spike's gonna be part of the family!" Dawn shrilled._

_ "Now, now, let's not go crazy." Willow soothed. She stayed cautious, then gradually let her genuine happiness for Buffy overwhelm her lingering doubts. _He is crazy about her. He won't leave her. It hurts so bad to be left. What the heck? _She squealed too. " I think you're right!"_

* * *

_"Damn good hotel, really. Four pints of blood in fifteen minutes." Spike pulled the plastic container of blood from the microwave and poured some into a styrofoam cup. "You enjoying your pancakes, Luv?"_

_ "Not as good as Tara used to-" Buffy swallowed hard. "They're fine."_

_ "Red's girl was a damn good cook, Buffy. No shame in praisin' that." Spike came and sat beside her on the love seat in the corner of their room, drinking deep, but keeping his demon in check. "Ooh, beef blood. I prefer it to pork."_

_ "I didn't know that." Buffy rammed several more bites in her mouth in quick succession._

_ "Luv? You that hungry, or you just want to avoid talkin' about the girl?"_

_ "A little of both. Shut up and drink your blood." Buffy avoided looking at him. He wordlessly got up and drank the rest straight from the plastic quart container and put the remaining container in the little fridge. "I'm sorry." She drank down her orange juice in a single gulp. "You don't have to go away from me when I-"_

_ "Act like a bitch?" Spike supplied cheekily._

_ "No! Okay, sometimes. You still love me?" Her voice turned tiny and he melted. _

_ "I'll love you forever, Sweetlet." Spike licked his lips free of blood and returned to her side. He leaned in for a kiss, seeing her pink lips part, welcoming him- and stopped himself._

_ "What? What is it?" She whispered._

_ "Just drank blood." He shrugged. _

_ "That doesn't matter to me. It keeps you going, I need you to keep going." She tugged his head over, fingers digging into the hollow of his perfect cheeks. "You never used to worry about that. You almost kinda reveled in grossing me out. The whole 'Oi, I'm a big, bad vamp. I'm smokin', stealin' and drinkin' blood'. " _

_ "I will quit the fags, maybe even the booze, if you promise never, ever try to imitate me again." She punched his arm and he rubbed it with a loud curse. "Seriously, Luv. Now that we're makin' a go of it, I'm gonna do my best to be the considerate type. At least around you and Bit. The rest can screw off."_

_ "That's sweet, Spike." Buffy kissed his head gently. Before she dropped her head and forced his eyes to penetrate hers. "But don't put the demon side too far away, Baby." She traced her jugular, running a nail over it hard enough to leave a white trail. "We need him tonight. I need him. I need all of you, to make us work."_

_ "Tonight?" Spike's pupils dilated and his brow ridged and unridged in a second. "Are you sure you want to do that- tonight?"_

_ "I think so. Unless you want to wait?" Buffy gnawed on her knuckle suddenly._

_ "A claim is forever, Luv. Human marriage you can get out of if you change your mind, but a claim means you're stuck with- OW! Bloody, buggerin' hell, Slayer!" Spike rocked over the arm of the love seat and crashed to the floor with a thump, spitting blood from his split lip._

_ "Change my mind? CHANGE MY MIND? I wanted to spend eternal life trapped in a rolling gray dustball with you if that was the only way to be with you! I am _not _going to change my mind!" She dropped to her knees, straddling his hips, hands planted firmly on his chest. "Mention me changing my mind again, and I'll break your fangs off and shove them down your throat." He looked up at her, stunned, before letting out a roar of laughter._

_ "Good God, Buffy Summers. I love you so much." He dragged her down to his chest. "Tonight it is. On the condition we get everyone to leave us be, and we get to do some shoppin' first."_

_ "And you'll never, ever, _ever _speak the words 'change your mind' again?" Buffy spoke against his mouth as he held her atop him._

_ "I swear." He promised._

* * *

_ "I don't believe this." Giles pushed the pile of papers back at Angel._

_ "Please, _please_ tell me you're not gonna ask me to find the next successor. We only know of a half dozen Watchers who survived. One of them works with me! I can't lose him. Besides, he's irritated the hell out of Buffy before and I don't think that in her current 'I've just saved the world and we're free now' mood, that she'll suffer irritation gladly." Angel pushed the papers back. _

_ "No, no. I'm not going to ask you to do that." Giles sighed. "I would, however, like to speak to Buffy and Faith. And you explain all the faxes you told me about, all right?"_

_ "Yes, I'll explain the faxes. I'll get the hotel desk to call Faith and Buffy. And those checks you wanted made out are being couriered over. Then I'll go find a conference room without windows." Angel stood up from Giles' table as he recited the list, feeling less like the head of a supernaturally powerful firm and more like a common errand boy. Then he looked back at the careworn figure. "I'll do what I can to help. Really, it's a good thing. You've said this needed to happen for about four years now."_

_ "I know what I said, Angel. And I did mean it. However- I didn't necessarily want the responsibility immediately following the most heinous battle of my life." Giles glared at him from behind crooked glasses. "And when you're finding that conference room- do find a bottle of Scotch to go with it."_

_ "Will do." Angel gave a dry chuckle and swept from the room._

* * *

_ Willow shook Xander's shoulder. "Xander? There's something going on."_

_ "Huh? Ahn?" Xander bolted up. Willow winced. "Oh. No. Of course not."_

_ "I'm sorry." She whispered, looking away. It was the first time she'd seen him without the eyepatch. It made his face look somewhat uneven and grotesque, an empty socket an affront to the face of her best friend. "He-here." She held out his eyepatch to him. _

_ "Sorry, Will. Didn't mean to look ugly at you." He said bitterly._

_ "Hey! You! Best friend. I love you. Remember that." She bent and kissed the top of his head, right over his missing orb. The shared a bittersweet smile. "Come on. Something's going on. Buffy called for us. Giles got some letter?"_

_ "Okay." He stretched. "Gods! I am_ rank_! How'd you stand to sleep in here, Wills?"_

_ "I don't think I noticed. I was too busy waiting for Kennedy to come find me. Which she didn't. So then I sorta made with the exhausted comatose sleep until Giles and Dawn woke me up at around four."_

_ Xander went into the rest room and shouted over the rushing water as he hurriedly scrubbed. "Four? As in four this morning? Why?"_

_ "Watcher worries. Buffy and Spike split. They came back though, shortly after Giles, Dawn and I began to wear a hole in the linoleum."_

_ "They weren't- were they?" Xander poked his head out and Willow nodded, blushing bright red. "You know, I've been attracted to the evil so many times- but what is it with her and the dead? I mean dead is just- uh- so not alive-ish. And they're always kind of lukewarm, not nice and toasty warm. Anya was always so warm." He got a faraway expression on his face and Willow bit her lip. _

_ "Um. Here. Giles and Dawn went out to the mall last night. They brought us each a few outfits." Willow held out a plastic bag from a department store. "I'll change in here, if that's okay? I don't know- if Kennedy found out my room number and went in. I don't want to disturb her."_

_ "Read 'don't want to disturb her' as 'don't want to have a big discussion'?" Xander hazarded._

_ "Pretty much." Willow admitted. "Maybe she's still asleep. It's almost noon, but everyone had a big day yesterday."_

* * *

_ "Where's Faith?" Giles looked around the conference room, pouring Spike, himself, Angel, and Xander a large drink._

_ "Hotel said she never arrived and asked for a room. They're calling area hospitals now." Angel tried not to look at Buffy, holding Spike's hand on the table. "So start talking."_

_ "My letter was from the late Quentin Travers." Giles flopped a thick file down on the conference room table._

_ "That little sod who fired you?" Spike sounded indignant as Buffy growled out, _

_ "That man is-was- so annoying! And he died months ago. Why are we just now hearing about this?"_

_ "When the council headquarters were blown up- it took quite awhile to settle things with the coroner and the more 'human' police, plus all the mystical cover ups done by any remaining allies to the council before the police and coroner could even get involved. Plus, there were so many- bodies." Giles cleared his throat and wiped his eyes suddenly. Buffy and Willow made a sympathetic squeak and burrowed into his arms. Dawn made a sniffling sound and Spike reached for her hand, only to find her already in Xander's hug._

_ "No, no. There is always a risk." Giles cleared his throat. "Slayers and Watchers always- erhrm- know the risks."_

_ "What's the letter say?" Buffy asked hoarsely._

_ "We have to sit down." Giles set the example and pulled out his chair and sank wearily into it. The rest sat and he began to speak, thumbing through the papers. "Let's see. I have been appointed successor as Head of the Watcher's Council. I was not first choice, mind you, but I'm one of the few remaining Watchers left alive. Mr. Travers left me control of the Watchers Council's payroll- which now includes pay for slayers. It also includes pay for potentials who- though I guess there are technically no more potentials as they all have the power- Angel, is the term 'potential' going to legally-"_

_ "Get_ on _with it, Rupes." Spike drawled, sipping his drink in a semblance of calm._

_ "The point being, if Slayers are actively engaged in patrol or they sign up with the Watcher's Alliance for training or to come to the academy, they'll receive a yearly stipend. Greater for those on active patrol. Buffy, you and Faith have retroactive pay coming to you."_

_ "What in the who with the where?" Buffy gaped at him. "Giles- you stopped speaking English. Pay? Did you say I get pay?"_

_ "Watcher's Alliance? An academy?" Willow piped up. "How come you never told me there was an academy? I was in England! I could've visited, at least seen the library!"_

_ "There wasn't an academy or an alliance before. The alliance is the new name devised by Travers. Shortly before, as in only a few days before, his death, he went to the coven in Devon- the one I worked with to stop Willow during- during-"_

_ "During the evil period." Xander supplied._

_ "Yes, that. Watchers and the coven are going to work together, and now that potentials- or whatever they'll be referred to as- are going to be identified prior to being 'chosen' -oh dear, that's another thing-"_

_ "Giles!" Buffy slammed her fist on the table, effectively cracking the varnish. Angel closed his eyes and sighed long-sufferingly, and Spike rubbed her back appreciatively, for pushing Giles along in his explanation, and making Angel look even slightly annoyed._

_ "Yes, yes well, the point being, there will be an academy to train them."_

_ "But where's the dosh comin' from? To pay for an army of Slayer upkeep?" Spike interjected._

_ "Turns out there was a motion passed in 1842." Giles polished his lenses furiously. "The council put away a small amount for yearly allowance for the current Slayer. However, the head of council who passed the motion died shortly thereafter, and the heads of council since then have- er-"_

_ "Been embezzling?" Spike smirked. "The lot of 'em dead, and I finally feel some appreciation for the bastards."_

_ "The bulk of the funds were invested, and have matured nicely." Giles said in conclusion. "Angel- this brings us to you."_

_ "No, wait. Why now? Why was Travers suddenly behaving himself?" Buffy demanded._

_ "Last ditch deal- be the good man, etc." Angel said. "Think he hoped The Powers might do some intervention against The First."_

_ "That doesn't satisfy me." Buffy grunted. Spike leaned over to her suggestively and she blushed. Angel growled and rose menacingly. Spike was rising as well, puffing his chest out and spreading his hands as if to invite the fight. "I meant explanation wise!" Buffy yelped, looking between them in panic._

_ "Buffy, you'll have to be content with the explanation, as Travers is dead and almost all the papers were destroyed, and we have no other information." Spike and Angel began circling round the huge conference table. "Perhaps you should explain the bank accounts!" Giles cried desperately to Angel. Spike slowly put his hands in the pockets of his new black jeans and resumed his seat, nodding at Angel to speak._

_ Taking deep controlled pseudo-breaths, Angel reached for another stack of papers. "All through the night, Wolfram and Hart received faxes. As the Powers took over 51% of the branch, we're now involved in this mess. Bank accounts have been set up at one of the banks here in LA. Every girl in this hotel has an account that she can draw on immediately. Buffy- here's your paperwork." Angel put down an envelope in front of her. _

_ "Retroactive pay. That means pay from the 70s?" Buffy slit the envelope and Giles pinched the center of his forehead where a vein was throbbing._

_ "No, Pet. Pay from when you started slayin'." Spike smiled at her indulgently._

_ "Almost seven years of pay?" Buffy cried, tearing open the folded papers. "Oh. My. God." Angel smiled briefly at her joy._

_ "You deserve it." He whispered before becoming business like. "Giles also made some-discretionary decisions." Angel passed much thinner envelopes to Dawn, Willow, Xander, and Spike. Everyone noticed he still held envelopes for Wood and Faith, and exchanged a worried glance about those missing._

_ "One time payment. For your work fighting against the dark forces." Giles shrugged. "Xander, Willow- you have two. I passed on Tara and Anya's share to you both, as next- next of kin. But you can send it on to their families or friends if you deem it more appropriate."_

_ Spike opened his envelope carefully, warily, one eye on Giles. This had to be the Watcher's cracked mind makin' a joke, at least on him. Giles was still prattling on, something about the work they did being invaluable, but the amount of money at his disposal needing accounting for, mustn't be rash, etc, blah bleedin' blah. He ignored him and lifted out the green computerized check. There was an actual check made out to him. Or at least a Mr. Spike William. Must be how the Poof had made up his account. Wow. The Watcher'd been serious._

_ "-in correlation to the years of service. Xander and Willow would receive seven, Spike and Dawn receive two. Or part of two." He glanced pointedly at Spike._

_ Buffy was still staring at the sum of money on her check. Finally, she handed it to Spike, saying with a shaky voice, "I'm not good with math."_

_ Spike looked at the check and looked back at Giles. Receiving nearly seven years worth of pay at once was not a penny less than his girl deserved. It made his own check look like the change scraped out of couch cushions. "Well done, Luv! Good on you!"_

_ "But- but I- it's what I do." Buffy looked at Giles with puzzled eyes. _

_ "Shut up and take the money." Xander advised._

_ "The Bit's got college in a few years, Pet. And you want to finish school yourself, yeah? Take the money and thank the nice Watcher." Spike stroked her hair and Angel let out a low rumble of disapproval. "Would you stop doin' that, Peaches? Puts me off."_

_ "Then stop touching her!" Angel slammed his fist down on the table, adding an even larger crack beside the one Buffy'd made earlier._

_ "Make me." Spike hissed, rising._

_ "Shut up." Buffy snapped. "Giles, Angel, you need to get all the other girls down here and explain things to them! You need to assign them Watchers. Do you even have enough Watchers for all of them?"_

_ "Erm, no. Not as such. But I'm sure we'll find applicants." Giles rubbed his eyes in exhaustion. "I'll find the remaining Watchers and we'll set up a network of contacts to interview. I suppose I'd better start making calls. Or should I explain to the girls first? Oh dear..."_

_ "You should rest, mate. You look all in." Spike said with surprising compassion. Everyone but Buffy stared at him in disbelief. "What? The bloke's like Buffy father. Makes him almost like my father-in- hey!" Spike never got to finish his sentence. Angel flying tackled him, right into the wall, cracking the plaster and causing a spiderweb effect on both the floor and ceiling._

_ "Stop talking like that! You save the world a couple times and you think you own her? You think she really loves you?" Angel had his hands around Spike's throat, and both men had gone into game face._

_ "Yeah." Spike wheezed out, smiling through his asphyxiated state. He slowly let his vampire face fade and looked hard into his eyes. "Maybe she shouldn't love me, but she does."_

_ Angel glared at him, then looked at Buffy. "Well?" He demanded. _What about the stupid cookie-baking speech? The not being able to choose? And why was Spike ever even a contestant?

_ "I'm sorry." She whispered, eyes filling up, and hands reaching for him. Angel looked at her horrified, dropping Spike, who coughed and massaged his swollen throat. "Angel-"_

_ "I'll go find out what happened to Faith and Wood. Call your girls, Giles." Angel seized his papers and pushed past them, almost running from the room. _

_ Willow, Dawn, and Xander looked open mouthed at Buffy. "I never wanted to hurt him." She said through trembling lips. For once, Spike knew to keep quiet, though fire burned through his veins. He hesitantly held a hand above her shaking shoulder, unsure whether or not he should presume to touch her. Dawn gave him an irate "go ahead!" gesture, but he only moved a fraction._

_ "I'm sorry, Luv." He breathed. Buffy turned to look at him, and suddenly she was in his arms, crying. "So sorry, Luv, never want to make you cry..."_

_ "Let's go round up the girls." Giles said loudly._

_ "What a good idea!" Willow enthused._

_ "Yeah, and let's go find some lunch!" Dawn said with false brightness. "Come on, Xander." She said pointedly and tugged him from his chair._

_ "Huh? Oh, right. Girls. Food. Hey, that's a really good combination."_

_ "Dear Lord." Giles moaned. He rose and began to follow them out. He turned before he left and kissed Buffy on top of her head, where it rested on Spike's chest. "The right choices aren't always easy, Buffy. Doesn't mean they aren't right." He then paused, realizing what he had said. "Bollocks." The two lovers looked at him with bemused expressions at hearing him use a very Ripper-like epithet. "Bollocks! I've just said Spike was the right choice. I must be mad." He kissed Buffy absently on the side of her nose and left, shaking his head._

* * *

_ Giles and Angel had everyone paged to the lobby. Angel stood in the darkest corner, far out of reach of the sunlight, and waited patiently, broodingly, for Giles to explain. As he waited, one of the clerks came trotting up to him nervously, holding out a phone. "Angel." He answered it. _

_ "Hi, tall, dark, and handsome." Faith purred in her throaty contralto. _

_ "Faith! Where are you?"_

_ "St. Cecilia's. Guess who got a free spleen-ectomy today?" She laughed but Angel could hear the tears barely contained._

_ "Oh my God. Will he-? I mean, you can live without a spleen." Angel spoke rapidly, retreating further into the shadows._

_ "I know. They won't release him for a couple days. And I'm not goin' anywhere without my man."_

_ "You two seem awfully serious, awfully quick." Angel said bitterly._

_ "Not jealous, are you, big boy?"_

_ "No, just seems to be a common slayer ailment lately." He scowled._

_ "Oh, the blondies. What can I say, near death'll do it to you."_

_ "Idiots." He spat suddenly. "But never mind. Faith, get over here, for just an hour, okay? There's all kinds of life-altering news over here. Some of it actually not completely sickening."_

_ "I need to wait 'til they put him into a regular room, then I'll grab a cab over. They towed the bus! Can you believe it? I mean, you block one little ER entrance..."_

_ "Just get here." Angel hung up abruptly._

* * *

_ "I cry a lot lately." Buffy sniffled. "Not the girl you fell in love with, huh?"_

_ "Hush, woman." Spike gazed down on her as she nestled in his arms. "You cry 'til you've no tears left, if it helps." He had a momentary internal struggle. "You need to spend some time with the Scoobies. Have a few hours with them. Talk to the Poof if you need to."_

_ "What are you saying?" Buffy looked up at him startled._

_ "You missed them more than I did. And for you, it feels like you haven't seen them in a long time. You need to reconnect is all." Spike's insightful comment was two-fold. He wanted to cheer her up and he knew her friends were important in that cause. He also needed to get out and get to the bank and to the shops to get Buffy her diamond. Now that he had the honest means, he wouldn't hesitate to buy something big and sparkly and slip it on her finger. _

_ "Yeah. Maybe. I think we need to tell them a little bit more about the void thingy. Dawn keeps giving me these looks like I'm going to kill her by lack of information." Spike chuckled. _

_ "You're too right there, Luv. Never knew the Bit was so persistent 'til this year. Or scary. God, I love the Summers women."_

_ "We should get down to the lobby. See the pandemonium." Buffy wiped her eyes once more. "And we need to see if we can find out something on Wood and Faith."_

* * *

_ "So where do we have to patrol?" A girl (Buffy was shamed to admit it, but she didn't know this one's name) was asking as the elevator doors opened. Spike darted out of a shaft of sunlight with a hiss, and Buffy walked more calmly, taking a place between Giles and the back wall._

_ "Metropolitan areas are usually more demon-laden. However, for the time being, as none of you even have Watchers assigned to you, I would advise you follow your own wishes. Set up residence wherever you like." Giles seemed to be concluding._

_ "We can go home?" Rona asked eagerly._

_ "Now?" A tall blonde cried, her face breaking into a huge smile._

_ "Well, yes, I don't see why not. Provided you leave some kind of number where we can reach you." Giles looked flummoxed, as if he'd never considered the girls would bolt for home. As the lobby emptied with a raucous cheer, he smiled. Of course. Almost every girl wanted the chance to be normal. _

_ "You still know how to clear a room, Rupes." Spike drawled, hands shoved in his pockets, leaning back against a pillar._

_ "Start hailing cabs." Angel tersely told a bellhop. "This is going to make the Exodus look a walk to the corner store."_

_ "They're leaving? They're going to leave all this?" Xander, mouth bulging with sandwich, stepped up behind Buffy. _

_ "Oh yes. All this over-crowding, near death experience, supernatural, fate-of-Earth-resting-on-your-shoulders stuff can be very tiring." Buffy grimaced. "Come on though. We can't let them go without saying goodbye and getting some numbers."_

_ An hour later, only a handful of girls, Andrew, Kennedy, Dawn, Angel, Spike, and the original Scoobies remained in the lobby. "Never been hugged by so many soddin' females." Spike looked disgusted. "You'd think knowin' I'm an evil bastard would put them off, but nooo- that last pair squeezed my bum!"_

_ "I can't believe so many left." Dawn sounded let down. "I mean, I totally get it. Their time with us was so not fun, but it was like they're running away from themselves. From what they can do."_

_ "They are. But once you know what you are, you keep coming back to yourself." Buffy sighed, placing her arm around the younger girl. " Don't worry about them. They lived through the most horrific battle I've ever seen, and I think they'll be able to handle any minor demons or vamps they come across. Besides, soon they'll have Watchers to help them." Buffy cast a tender look at Giles. "And they know they don't have to do it alone." She turned her warm gaze to Xander and Willow. _

_ "Well, Vi and I need to be going as well. I'm going to go home to Connecticut with her. Meet the folks." Andrew slung his arm around the pretty, somewhat equine-looking, giggling redhead. "Giles- is there an application for Watchers?"_

_ "You want to-? No. There isn't." Giles gasped out, a lifetime of dealing with Andrew flashing before his eyes._

_ "Oh. That's too bad. I kinda wanted to keep an eye on Vi. Officially." He leaned over and bussed her cheek. Xander, who'd been staring at the couple with a mouth wide enough to swallow a billiard ball, finally burst forth._

_ "You? And-and- what's your name? Vi? Sorry. You and a slayer? A _girl _slayer?" Xander brayed._

_ "Xander!" Willow admonished._

_ "I always thought you were a poofter, meself." Spike, ever blunt, spoke up. _

_ "Oh God. We'll never be able to have dinner parties." Buffy moaned, putting her head onto Dawn's shoulder._

_ "You mean gay?" Andrew laughed heartily, and then stopped. Everyone was looking at him. "Yeah, so, I kinda did, too. Turned out, you just actually have to spend time with a girl to see if you like them." He blushed. "Well- if they like you back too. At least in this case."_

_ "I knew he hadn't been getting any." Dawn muttered and Buffy yelped. "What? I mean, Xander said it! No sex can turn normal nerds into evil nerds."_

_ "I never said that!" Xander protested, turning pink, which of course was an admission of guilt._

_ "Sounds just like Max." Spike suddenly laughed. Buffy nodded and her friends looked puzzled._

_ "Max. Max is the name of your other half." Buffy hesitantly explained._

_ "Okay, when do we get to hear about this?" Dawn stamped her foot. "Spike! You started it! Now tell!"_

_ Spike's answer was delayed by the arrival of Faith, who skidded into the lobby like a bat out of hell. "Hi guys! Um, look we kinda need to hurry up. Wood hasn't woken up, but he's out of recovery and I wanna be the first thing he sees when he comes around."_

_ "Wood? Recovery?" Kennedy stood up and put a protective arm around Willow. "What did the hospital say?"_

_ "First they asked if I was a wanted fugitive- guess who made the news, boys and girls?" Faith ran her fingers through her dark brown locks with an aggravated sigh. "Then they triaged Wood, and turns out he needed to have his spleen removed, because it was pretty much- dead." Faith's voice trembled. "So. Angel and Giles have big news. Can we please go with the condensed version?"_

_ A car horn beeped and Andrew burst into noisy sobs. "I- I'm going to miss you so much!" He began hugging everyone, who stood tolerantly for it (all but Spike who smacked his hands off and told him not touch the coat.) The couple slowly began to walk away, off to settle their own affairs._

_ "Oh hell. Andrew!" Giles relented as the boy's hand was on the door frame. "I'll have someone call you about the Watcher 'application'."_

_ "Really?" Andrew's eyes welled up and Spike groaned._

_ "For God's sake! Stop with the nancy cryin'! You're a bleedin' man, and you've got your own slayer to look after! No more important job in the world than protectin' the one who protects it all! Man up and get the hell on your merry way!" Spike shouted this encouraging abuse and was rewarded to see Andrew stiffen his spine and take Vi's arm possessively, protectively, and walk her out into the sunshine._

_ "That was really sweet. And kind of bombastic. But sweet." Willow smiled hopefully at Spike. "I mean the whole 'protect your slayer' thing was sweet. Are you going to apply to be a Watcher?"_

_ The entire room held its breath. Even Willow winced as the words came out of her mouth. Ask Spike if he would like to spend his life imitating Giles. She squinched her eyes shut and half-expected, soul or no soul, to find herself on the receiving end of some fang._

_ "No. Not bleedin' ever. No bleedin' way." Spike said with cold finality. "And don't offend Wood by suggestin' it to him, either." Spike turned his eyes to Faith. " I don't like your bloke. This little thing he did where he tried to kill me. But even without a spleen, he's a fighter. You can't ask him to take up a desk job."_

_ Giles cleared his throat. "I did have one other thought this afternoon. Unfortunately, I keep getting interrupted. Very tiresome, really. " He glared pointedly at Spike. "I think that in three cases, I might offer the position of 'demon hunter' to some people. Xander- I'm sure your- affliction-" Giles swallowed and looked into the one remaining eye in the face of a boy he had known for so long. " -makes it difficult to find work in the construction field. And you've always proved invaluable to Buffy. And Spike, while no one could say you're invaluable, Buffy seems to think you're the best warrior in existence. I'm sure Faith feels the same about Robin. Therefore, I offer you the position of demon fighter, or demon hunter, if you prefer, for the Watcher's Alliance. Oh, and you too, Willow. In your capacity as a wicca."_

_ "Are you insane?" Angel broke the stunned silence, advancing slowly on Giles. "Offer Spike the position of demon hunter? He's a demon himself, and not one of the 'good kind'. Soul or no soul. Bastards still have souls. If you need any reminders about what he can do, I have about 100 years worth of imagery for you."_

_ "Hey! I'm not a demon- I _have_ a demon." Spike corrected hotly. "I also have a soul, an' I'm bloody anxious to try and do 100 years of good for my 100 years of bad. Longer if I can. Sound familiar, Peaches?"_

_ "You let yourself go, Spike, and there's not even some chip in your head to stop you..." Angel stood face to face with Spike now, the others in the room hastily backing away. The potentials-turned-slayers who had remained beat a hasty exit, either up to their rooms, or out to the free world._

_ "Buffy, shouldn't you try to-" Dawn breathed out worriedly, but Buffy squeezed her arm reassuringly._

_ "I have to learn not to interfere, feel like I need to defend him." Buffy whispered. "He's a good man in his own right, doesn't need me to make excuses for him."_

_ "Least my soul was earned, not a curse for killin' someone." Spike spat, going into a crouch._

_ "Least I didn't get my soul as penance for trying to rape the woman I said I loved." Angel taunted._

_ "Least loving her doesn't make me lose my soul!" Spike lunged._

_ "Stop this, right now!" Giles yelled suddenly, and albeit stupidly, launching himself between the two men as they began to brawl. It was almost comical watching both vamps try to pull up short before hitting the gray haired man suddenly between them. Spike raised both hands with finality._

_ "I'm not fightin' with you over this. She made her choice." _

_ "I know all about the choices!" Angel hissed. "You don't get to be the front man for The Powers legal team without a little background knowledge."_

_ Buffy's head snapped up and she looked in disbelief at Angel. "Did you just say you know? About what choices we had to make? To get home?"_

_ "Are we _finally_ gonna get an explanation of that?" Dawn butted in._

_ "Not now, Dawnie." Willow hushed her nervously._

_ "No, _right _now." Xander disagreed, shaking off Willow's protective arm. "It's just the hardcore Scoobies. No little slayers here, no business left to explain, and a couple more hours until the sun is low enough for the pigmentationally challenged to leave the building."_

_ "Um. Hi, I'm sorry, maybe I wasn't clear about the needing to get back to the spleenless boyfriend in the hospital thing." Faith cleared her throat. "And all this choice stuff sounds really fascinating, but I kinda don't give a shit, since you're both back and in one piece."_

_ "Oh. Yes, right." Giles looked as if he were just waking up. "Angel- you can explain things to Faith can't you? And then meet us back in the conference room to help Spike and Buffy make their much needed explanation."_

_ Angel's expression became mulish for a moment and then resigned. "Fine. Be there in a moment. Hey, Giles, before you go, is there anything we need to do about Faith's escaped con status? I mean if the Watchers are going to be paying her a salary..."_

_ Giles looked at Faith and felt amazed at what he heard himself saying. "Yes. Let us know your alias and location, when you've chosen it. And don't get caught." He nodded to the brunette solemnly and led the way to the conference room, the others also nodding and waving with tight smiles. Buffy broke from the ranks and hugged her hard and fast, looking deep into her eyes for a second._

_ "Be good. Be careful. Take care of Wood." She whispered and walked hurriedly away wiping at her suspiciously wet eyes._

_ "Will do, B. Take care of the bad boy for me." Faith reached out and caught her arm. "I'm sorry for the whole body-swap thing that happened once. Did I ever tell you I ran into him that night?" _

_ Buffy looked horrified. "I-we didn't-do anything did we?"_

_ "No. But I did tell him something. Kinda hope you can use it later-" Faith leaned in and whispered the words she had said to Spike several years ago when posing as Buffy. "I'm sure you already ride him at a gallop and use all the hidden slayer muscles. But just wanted to let you know you've got some promises to live up to, B."_

_ "I'm leaving." Angel suddenly waved his hand at the two slayers. "I thought you guys were in a big hurry or something, but if you're going to stand here and exchange sex tips-"_

_ "I'm going, I'm going." Buffy hugged Faith with finality, knowing they probably would cross paths once more, but never sure, and ran, not meeting Angel's eyes._

_ "So- someone said salary?" Faith turned her liquid brown eyes to Angel. "I'm all over that. Tell me the deal..."_

* * *

_ "While we're waiting for Angel, can you guys please start with the choice making thing?" Dawn pleaded as soon as they sat around the crumbling conference table._

_ "Yeah. I don't get this." Kennedy took a seat next to Willow, who gave her a tense smile._

_ "It was kind of like a cosmic test. 'Are Buffy and Spike meant to be?'." Buffy began with a sigh._

_ "According to Almighty and Co., all of us in this dimension, have another half in another dimension. But in that dimension, there's no Hellmouth."_

_ "Oh, sign me up!" Xander raised his hand. "I'm all for vacation in a vamp-free environment. No offense."_

_ "None taken." Spike said easily._

_ Buffy continued. "Since they have no real evil, except what humans make themselves, they find our stories fascinating and they act them out. They think it's fiction."_

_ "Couldn't you guys find some way to get down to that place?" Xander asked wistfully._

_ "Without evil there are no vampires. No vengeance demons. No loves of our lives." Buffy and he exchanged a strained smile. "We couldn't get down there anyway."_

_ "But how did they know about you? I mean fiction is one thing, but you said they acted out your own stories." Dawn interrupted._

_ "Never figured that out entirely, Niblet." Spike sighed, reaching for cigarettes that were no longer in his pocket. "Think that in our case, the Powers set it up. It'd be the only way our other halves could even get an inkling of what Big Sis and I went through."_

_ "So we have other halves? Did you see me?" Kennedy asked eagerly._

_ Spike and Buffy exchanged a glance. "Actually, no. We didn't see Wood either. We saw Faith once, a long time ago. I guess in acting out our time line, we haven't met you, or re-met in Faith's case- yet." Buffy tried to smile reassuringly. Willow's shoulders tensed and Buffy watched her best friend imperceptibly shift away from the girl._

_ "Right." Spike pressed on, never one who liked to sit through explanations to begin with, he also wanted to get out and do his shopping. "So this couple- Jim and Essie- work together. He's me, she's Buffy. And they look just like us. They act out all the things we've gone through."_

_ "_All _the things?" Xander raised his eyebrows._

_ "Yeah, all the things, good and bad." Spike's voice was suddenly hoarse and Buffy took up the tale._

_ "But even thought they worked together, at first, when we saw them, they barely had any kind of relationship. They just worked in the same place. Kind of like Spike and I, we just happened to be in the same town, they just happened to be on the same set, acting out a story. And at night they'd go home to their own places."_

_ "We could only see ourselves when we were together, so don't rightly know what their lives were like except on the stage. And at first he was only there on occasion. We had a lot of time sittin' and ponderin' things, waitin' for that lot to get back, have more scenes together."_

_ "Eventually they started to hang out together, and they got to be close friends."_

_ "Aww! Like you." Willow beamed. Spike gave her a pitying glance. "Well, so, maybe you weren't close friends- but you were close not-killing-each-others."_

_ "It happened, Red. Don't you think, Luv? We got to be friends this year?"_

_ "I think it happened before that, just not like you would typically define friendship." She admitted with a blush. "Plus about four years in that void thing. I mean, we guess it might have been four years, because our other halves kept mentioning knowing each other for four years. But four years with just one other person? That'll make you _real_ close." She rolled her eyes and laughed._

_ "Four _years_? You were only gone an hour!" Kennedy gaped._

_ "The Powers have been known to move one dimension very slowly for the sake of another, but it causes immense damage to the ethereal plane." Giles aided the explanation. _

_ "Get to the good part!" Dawn bounced impatiently on her chair, which abruptly collapsed._

_ "Sorry, Niblet." Spike quickly pulled her to a new seat. "Think Peaches and I might have crashed into that one earlier."_

_ "The good part. Okay, from what we could tell just by watching them, they had to decide to be friends, and so did we. They had to fall in love-" Buffy smiled indulgently as Willow let out another loud 'awww!', "and they had to decide to live together and want to be together."_

_ "And once they moved in together, you could come home?" Xander asked._

_ "Bit more, actually." Spike shifted uncomfortably. "They had to make the same decisions about future- concerns."_

_ "Such as?" Giles pressed. Buffy and Spike exchanged another glance and Buffy blushed. "It can't be that bad, Buffy. We already promised not to be judgmental. We already know of your- past history together." He coughed delicately._

_ "They don't want to say?" Angel's voice broke into the comfortable silence that had followed Giles' kind words._

_ "Angel." Buffy breathed his name apologetically. "We have to-"_

_ "Talk? I agree." Angel sat down angrily and jumped into his explanation. " There are several main elements that affect relationships. Trust, love, acceptance, commitment. The Powers define those not just by how people feel, but by what actions they take." Everyone fell silent, watching him as he stared holes into Spike. "Make a permanent commitment. Well, I can believe that you did that, Spike. You proved you can be a faithful lapdog, certainly, after a century years with Drusilla." A muscle twitched in Spike's cheek, but he wouldn't speak. "So you offered her marriage?"_

_ Buffy held up her hand, bearing a scarred, chunky silver ring. "Not a lot of jewelry stores in the void." She said softly. _

_ "You're ENGAGED?!" Dawn squealed, setting off Willow and Kennedy who swarmed her. Xander and Giles exchanged a horrified glance that quickly turned to incredulity and then grudging "we're not going tgo change her mind after all this" acceptance._

_ "Well, congratulations." Giles said stiffly._

_ "You agreed to live together. And you're home, so you must have accepted your other halves, and they must have accepted you." Angel continued, an unpleasant leer on his face, as if he were about to deliver a killing blow shortly._

_ "Wait. Hold up. How can the actor couple accept our guys if they've never met them?" Xander protested._

_ "They did though." Buffy said, creasing her brow. She cleared her throat nervously. "They -this last year, before Spike got his soul and I got my head together, was really difficult."_

_ "A vast, vast understatement." Xander sighed._

_ "Imagine havin' to act out everything you've ever done wrong with your significant other." Spike curled his lips into a snarl, eyes hardening. "Sends you into a dark place. And our other halves are of the light, fluffy variety. Couldn't stomach some of the things we did, not that I blame 'em."_

_ "They didn't want to be us for real. And I totally get them. Sometimes, even I don't want to be me." Buffy admitted wearily. Under the table, Spike took her hand and gave it a strengthening squeeze. "But just a little while before we came here- they both had some sort of breakthrough. They accepted the good and the bad in the roles they play. So I guess they accepted us?" She looked to Angel for confirmation._

_ "I guess, I wasn't there." He sighed. "There's one more thing that all couples need to consider." The unpleasant leer was back. "Love, home, marriage, acceptance, trust, commitment, friendship- children? Who checked the box for that?"_

_ "You're out of line, mate." Spike rumbled. _

_ "Spike as a father. Are you stupid, Buffy?" Angel laughed bitterly. "It's a physical impossibility! Besides that, how could you even imagine Spike as parent material?"_

_ "Gotta say I'm with him on that." Xander muttered, and Dawn kicked his shin under the table. "Although, gotta admit he does great in the 'big brother' role. If you like your big brothers to be kind of immoral and dangerous."_

_ "Maybe it was seein' Jim's son." Spike drawled. The room fell silent. "Oh, didn't we mention that? Beautiful, kind, clever, little boy. Loves his new step-mum-to-be, an' all. Sully."_

_ "You have a son?" Kennedy looked faint. _

_ "Well, not exactly him, but his other half. And he is a damn good dad. We know. We've watched." Buffy met Angel's eyes and didn't waste a sympathetic glance on him for the first time in a long time. "We know it isn't possible. Besides, we both think we'd be lousy parents-"_

_ "No, Pet, you'd be bloody brilliant at it. I'm the one-"_

_ "No, you already know how to love unconditionally and not pressure someone to be what you want-"_

_ "Point bein', we may never get to the pram-pushin' stage, but we'd like to. An' we made a choice to _want_ this, able to have 'em or no." Spike shrugged as if it didn't matter one way or the other, and this time it was Buffy who gave him a reassuring squeeze under the table._

_ "So when you decided you wanted to have a baby, the void sent you home?" Dawn cocked her head quizzically._

_ "No- it was when Jim and Essie said they wanted children of their own. The little boy is Jim's son, not theirs together. We kinda assumed kids were kids, and obviously they wanted kids because they were both adoring Sully. But it was them as couple, saying they want to create a life together, a child together, that did it. They started talking about it and boom-it was like getting dragged behind a jet or something. The void ripped and opened up and then suddenly- home again." Buffy looked around her assembled friends with shining eyes._

_ "I thought there would be a version of us." Angel whispered suddenly. "Cause I can't have you here- and it kills me. More. I thought at least, somewhere- some other dimension- you and I could be together."_

_ The room fell silent, an embarrassed, tense silence. "I figured he tricked you, convinced you it was him and not me, but if the Powers sent you back, I guess-"_

_ "Angel, I'm sorry. You know you'll always own a piece of my heart. But you-" Buffy groped for words. "I loved you so much, so easily. And it still couldn't work. I- I'm sorry, I just-" Her eyes pleaded with him. "I'm so sorry." _

_ "So there's nothing for me- with you- anywhere." Angel laughed bitterly. _

_ "Now, hold on." Spike spoke up, his manner brightening. Buffy looked at him in surprise. She had expected him to gloat and she was prepared to hate him for it. But she was also prepared to accept it as his right after being mistreated by Angel for years, and being belittled and compared to him constantly by everyone, especially her. "That's not true, mate. You remember me tellin' you that you and Buffy would always love each other, hate each other, but never be friends?"_

_ "Yes, I do recall that, Spike." Angel admitted testily and was prepared to add more but Spike plowed on._

_ "Now, see, that's what you and Buffy have in the other dimension. Your other half, Daniel, that's you- is one of her best mates! Isn't that right, Pet?"_

_ "It's true!" Buffy perked up slightly. "But more so, he's Jim's friend. Almost like a mentor, even though they're about the same age. He's one of their most trusted friends." _

_ Angel stared at them. "And that's supposed to make me feel better? I'm your _friend_? That's my consolation prize?" He rose with a growl. "Sorry you can't be with the woman you love, but you're her friend on some other plane?"_

_ "I'd take it in a heartbeat." Spike whispered. "An' if I'd lose my soul and hurt her by lovin' her, you best believe I'd take all the pale, otherworldly 'consolation prizes' they have to offer, rather than risk givin' her any more pain." His eyes and his face were dead serious. "That's all the explanation I have to offer, all the comfort I have to give." He caressed Buffy's warm cheek, delighting privately that it was the fully solid mix of tan and pink that he loved once again. He looked into her eyes as he rose. "Spend some time with your friends, Luv. I'll be in the lobby or the room, won't leave the hotel without sayin' bye to you first." _

_ "I'm going to go get another sandwich." Dawn jumped up and trailed after him. _

_ "Come see the new outfits I got you, Baby." Kennedy lured Willow away. Giles and Xander hesitated, and then followed, leaving Angel and Buffy alone._

_ "Don't apologize anymore." Was the first thing Angel said. "Just tell me why you stopped loving me. 'Cause I never stopped loving you. I might've 'moved on', I might've 'gotten over', loved someone else- but I always loved you too."_

_ "You told me to get over you more times than I can count." She whispered, tears beginning to prick her eyelids. "I guess I finally could._

_ "To lead a normal life!" That's what really stung. The who- and the what. " A normal guy, a human! But you choose another vampire! Are you mocking my sacrifice?"_

_ "No! And _your_ sacrifice? What about mine, Angel? Did you want me to live alone without love, getting as broody and miserable as you? Did you want me to keep dancing on the knife edge? Waiting for us to finally slip and sleep together, watch you die inside again? So I could kill you to stop you from killing my friends once your soul went on hiatus?"_

_ "You could have picked a human." He growled. "That was the _point_."_

_ "I tried! Do you want me to pretend I don't love him, so you feel better?"_

_ "Right now, yes!" Angel slammed his hand down on the conference table, which sagged alarmingly in the middle._

_ "Fine, I don't love him. I just like being with him 'cause I can have sex with him, which I couldn't do with you, and after all, I'm just all about the physical!" _

_ "Stop." He growled._

_ "No!" She wept. "I loved you with everything I had and I couldn't save you! I couldn't make you better, I couldn't change things! I still can't change things. I tried and I tried and I can't do it! I finally let you go enough to see that Spike's been doing what I did for years! Trying, and trying to save me, reach the closed off piece of my heart that can love someone! Someone who loves me, like I loved you. This time I can love him back. I'm not letting anyone take that from me." She had crossed the room until she stood in front of him, dwarfed by his height and his breadth, but not at all afraid of his imposing presence._

_ "I know." He admitted raggedly, his own tears surfacing. "But, God, it still hurts." As one, they reached for each other, pulling each other into an embrace, her head buried on his chest, shaking with sobs. "I love you. I still love you, just please remember that."_

_ "I will. Remember- that I loved you, too?"_

_ "I will. And listen to me-" He tipped her chin up. "I won't bother you two. Because I love you. I want you to be happy. But if he hurts you-"_

_ "He'll be the one who comes to you for retribution, Angel. He'd die, he'd kill himself, if he hurt me now. He knows all I gave up to choose him."_

_ He nodded silently, swallowing a sob. "I know I'll see you around." _

_ "Yeah, you know I'll always come to you when I can't handle things." She smiled through her own tears._

_ "But for now, goodbye?" He whispered._

_ "Goodbye, Angel." She tried to keep a smile in place but it crumbled._

_ She hesitantly reached up to him, pulling his head lower, closer, passing his lips and pressing a deep, fervent kiss to his forehead. She looked at him apologetically. He nodded solemnly, and kissed her cheek, letting his thumb take a quick swipe against her trembling mouth. They locked eyes for a moment. But there were no words left to say. He kissed her shining hair and stroked her cheek once more, before tearing himself away._

_ Spike could hear her sobs, feel her grief as if he were beside her, instead of several floors away in the lobby, watching Bit and Xander having a chip eating contest. It was costing him everything not to run to her and comfort her, or pry the big poof away and boot him out the door._

_ "William!" Angel's voice echoed through the near deserted lobby, causing Spike to tense and Dawn and Xander to freeze in mid bite. Angel barreled towards him and Spike's body coiled for an onslaught. "Take. Care. Of her. Or else." Angel snarled. "I warn you. I'll make Angelus look like a saint if you ever hurt her. If you fail, I will stake you myself and rip out your undead heart before you dust." He picked Spike up by the lapels of his duster and shook him, surprised that Spike submitted to it with a cool smile._

_ "Sounds completely reasonable to me, mate." Spike whispered. Angel dropped him in disgust._

_ "Love her enough for both of us." He hissed, looking deep into Spike's blue eyes. He saw the flicker, the innuendo that died before it could cross his lips. Spike nodded seriously instead._

_ "I will. No worries."_

_ "Oh, plenty of worries. I'll watch over her until the day I die, William." Angel warned. _

_ "Do the same myself." Spike said with easy complacency. Angel was surprised. He expected rebellion from his always unruly "offspring", and recognized that Spike's calm was due to his realization that hurting Angel only hurt Buffy. Still brash, still impetuous, but tempered by love. The fire left Angel's eyes and he departed, rolling up his black overcoat against the rays of the sun, stepping into the black sedan with tinted windows that seemed to magically appear as he crossed the threshold._

* * *

_ "This feels so weird." Dawn looked around the lobby. "Like- we haven't had a place to ourselves, without all these random girls in it, in weeks." Giles and Xander were sprawled on two corner couches, Kennedy and Willow were on a love seat, and she was in an armchair, facing another recliner, which contained Spike, with Buffy sitting on his lap._

_ "I, for one am going to bed." Giles groaned, and shifted feebly. "Soon as I can move."_

_ "The minute it's dark, I'm out." Spike said, caressing Buffy's hip and side with one hand. "Gotta run to the bank and some shops."_

_ "Can I come?" Dawn asked eagerly. "I wanna hit the mall again, there were all these awesome stores, but Giles didn't want to go in."_

_ "Forgive me for being exhausted. Also, being surrounded by giddy teenagers in the throes of a shopping spree causes me intense nausea." Giles remarked without opening his eyes. _

_ "I'll take you, Bit." Spike smiled easily. "But we're not stayin' out late. I've got pressin' matters to attend to."_

_ "Or you can come with us." Kennedy said cheerfully. "I was thinking dinner, a movie, and then patrol?" She rubbed Willow's back softly._

_ Willow cast a haunted look at Xander, who seemed pale and withdrawn. He sat tucked into the corner of the couch, his hair limp and his head hanging. Losing the love of his life... and he hadn't even had the magic to take the pain away, to give him someone to hunt, something to feed off. "I was thinking a quiet night in?" Willow asked hopefully. Xander looked up and threw her a grateful smile._

_ Spike saw Kennedy's mouth thin, and knew she was about to say something that'd only cause pain. And for a split second he wanted to let her. He missed the fights and the banter, and the general pandemonium the Slayer and her band of pals caused. But not when they were hurting. Not when his Buffy was in the midst of it. "That'd be great, Red. I was just sayin' how Buffy should spend some time with you and the glorified bricklayer. God knows she missed you up there."_

_ Buffy wanted to retort that he'd missed them, too, but she caught something, a slight tenseness in his chest, a slight bluster in his voice. I can read him like a book, she thought. _He picked up on something I missed._ And that only made her guilt complex trigger the "I'm being a bad friend, again" song she played so often. She knew Xander must be hurting like hell, and Willow was probably scared and tired, working to balance her magical abilities, starting this new relationship after Tara had only been gone a few months. "Let's order pizza and watch the movie channel." Buffy said brightly. "Come on Giles, you, too! You can crash on the bed and we'll all curl up on the floor..."_

_ "Like warm sleepy kittens!" Willow clapped her hands. _

_ "On that note, I'm off." Spike sighed, trying to keep a mask of disgust on his face. "Come on, Niblet."_

_ "I'll come with you, at least as far as the bank." Kennedy scowled. She brushed off Willow's hand and stomped off. _

_ "Let me go grab my purse." Dawn squealed, kissing everyone but Spike and Kennedy on the forehead. Giles, who'd dozed off, let out a a startled snort and swatted at her, making everyone laugh softly._

* * *

_ Spike withdrew his money, all of it, without thinking. Cash was better. What'd he do with all those flippin' bits of plastic humans were so fond of? The butch bird, as he sometimes thought of Kennedy, took her money, smiled with forced politeness at him, genuine affection at Dawn, and left. Dawn had to be talked into leaving most of her money in the account._

_ "But you took all of yours out!" Dawn protested loudly, drawing stares. _

_ "Shh! I know that." He hissed, head close to hers. "But I've already been to university, and you've still got to go. And your big sis and I have to feed, clothe, and put a roof over your head for a start. You'll want some spendin' money this summer. Take out enough for some nice, new outfits, and then let's go."_

_ Dawn sulkily agreed and took out a small amount of money. "I guess I forgot- about the whole- buying a house thing. I guess it'll be little? Not like Mom's house?"_

_ "It won't be as small as I thought." Spike said with relief in his voice. He hadn't really wanted to go on a robbery spree to take care of the basics for his two girls, but he would have done it in a blink if that was the only option. Buffy's sudden lump sum salary would put a down payment on a house, no question. And with his much, much tinier paycheck, he know what he was doing. "But we'll decide about the living arrangements in the mornin', Niblet. We're goin' shoppin'."_

_ "What are you gonna buy with all that money?" Dawn took his elbow and he smiled down on her as they walked from the bank. "What?"_

_ "You know you were the only one I missed, right?" He felt all the stale air rush from his lungs as she hugged him hard and fast. "Guess you did." He wheezed._

_ "Never go away again." She whispered. "And-and don't let Buffy go either. When neither of you came back- and Mom's already- and Tara and Anya-" She suddenly started to bawl, trying to stop, but overwhelmed once again with the feeling that she had lost everything. _

_ Spike pulled her into a dark hollow between a restaurant and a florist. Hopefully no one will think I'm attacking her, he thought as he put his arms around the sobbing teen. _

_ "I- I couldn't even think, I was so sc-scared! And then you were here again and ev-everything was okay." _

_ "Shh, shh, Platelet. Everything is okay, and I'm keepin' it that way as long as I can. No one's goin' anywhere. 'Specially not without you."_

_ "You and Buffy are really going to tie the knot? You'll really be like my family?" She looked up at him with a sniffle._

_ "That's right. That's one reason I wanted you with me tonight. 'Sides the fact that you're the only one of them with a bad side that won't destroy the planet." They shared a conspiratorial smile. Many times they had played poker, snuck out, snuck in, even stolen things, gone on some pretty stupid missions to some pretty stupid places. Buffy might be his true soul mate, but Bit was a kindred spirit. "You're also Buffy's sister. And you can help me choose a ring, yeah?"_

_ "An engagement ring?" She squealed._

_ "No, a friendship band, you daft bint." He muttered, and let her land a punch. He even pretended it hurt. _

_ "Let's go shopping!" Dawn dragged him from the darkness, her face transformed and determined, a smile straining her cheeks and threatening to split them._

* * *

_ "Was that the second pizza or the third?" Xander belched._

_ "That was the second. The third one is under Sir Snores-a-Lot." Buffy giggled. The three of them lay on their bellies in front of Xander's television, watching a movie with no killing and no evil, and apparently no plot. Which was just fine. They were too busy talking anyway. "Do you think he actually realizes where he is?" Buffy asked, looking at her beloved father figure as he slept, glasses off, and his arms thrown wide in a deep sleep. _

_ "No, I don't think he does." Xander laughed, rolling to his side to look at him. "I think that's our fault, though. We said 'go to bed' and when he fell asleep in the elevator, it just seemed pretty logical to walk him to my room and let him finish his nap. I didn't think he'd actually take over the whole bed though. Or trap the pizza. Will, can you 'summon' the pizza or something?"_

_ "I can levitate his arm!" She sat up eagerly._

_ "I got it!" Buffy shook her head laughingly, rolled over, and stealthily swiped the box from under her Watcher's shoulder and arm. He made a protesting grunt and then resolutely went back to snoring._

_ "I hope Dawnie isn't driving Spike and Kennedy crazy." Willow sighed as she poured them all another glass of soda._

_ "I don't think she will." Buffy said with easy confidence. "At least not Spike. She always kinda liked him. I think she sorta loved him."_

_ "Yeah, and so did your mom. Like him, I mean. I really don't understand the 'Summers' soft spot for vamps' thing, but if it kept you alive and brought you out of the vacuum-"_

_ "Void." Willow corrected._

_ "The shadowy mist place- I'm okay with it." Xander smiled tiredly._

_ "I missed this." Buffy suddenly grabbed both of her friends in a powerful hug. "All the goofing, and the correcting, and the pizza! I'm so glad to be home and I never want to lose you again! Now I know- how you must have felt when I was gone- after Glory. I'd have done anything to get myself back to you, and you did anything you had to do to bring us back together." She suddenly sniffled, relieved to hear her friends joining in as well. "I don't ever want to lose you again." She repeated._

_ "Me, either!" Willow whimpered._

_ "Me, three!" Xander chuckled through his tears. Then all of them were sobbing, hugging in earnest and babbling, nothing made sense, but nothing needed to, as long as they could hug the bad away._

_ "What? What is it? What is it?" Giles cried, startled. Weeks of being on a hair-trigger edge of alertness caused him to wake up in a panic. "Buffy? Buffy! Willow, Xander!" He slammed his feet to the floor, fell over an empty pizza box, and landed with a thump on his hands and knees beside the tangle of friends. "Why are you crying?"_

_ "We're so happy!" Willow squeaked with a sob._

_ "Happy? You- you woke me up with your bloody _cryin_g to tell me you're happy?" Giles collapsed on his back, hands over his face. He felt a warm wet little cheek press against him, and he slowly lowered his fingers enough to see Buffy's flushed face. "Oh hell. Go on. I've been Americanized past the point of no return. Hug me!"_

* * *

_ "Bigger is better." Spike maintained stubbornly, a purely evil smile on his face, momentarily forgetting that you don't use double entendre with your kid sis._

_ "But she fights! That big stone will come off the first time she makes a left cross." Dawn was just as stubborn._

_ "Please, sir, miss, I'm sure we can find a ring to suit you both and give you the lifetime of joy you deserve." An overly smiley clerk came up to them, a smarmy git if he'd ever seen one._

_ "Eww!" Dawn shivered._

_ "Do I look like some dirty old man, lustin' after a jailbait girlfriend?"Spike spat. "Don't you say a word 'bout my age, Bit." He muttered hastily aside._

_ "He's marrying my sister!" Dawn told the clerk with a frown. "And she's got this wicked left cross and I don't think a big center stone is a good idea!"_

_ "And _I _say she wants to be a normal girl, without her- job- hangin' over her all the time, and she's gonna get the ring she deserves!"_

_ "Is your fiancée in the military, sir?" The clerk replied, again with annoying over-eagerness. Spike growled in irritation._

_ "You could say that, yeah." Spike shook his head, focused instead on Dawn. "You know how hard she tries to make a normal life herself, Dawn! So she gets it covered in blood and guts, it washes!"_

_ "She'll take it off every night." Dawn stated with a sing-song voice. "Every night, that ring will be sitting on a shelf while she patrols..."_

_ He turned his head slowly, making it pop in that scary, deliberate way. Dawn knew how badly he would want his mark on her, keeping her forever, showing she was his to the outside world. "Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter, she'll put it on when she gets home." Spike growled. "I'm gettin' her the big, sparkly, girly, ring she should have. And you-" He glared at Dawn, "will shut up about it. Or I'm _not_ takin' you to get your nose pierced." Dawn huffed and crossed her arms. Spike turned back to the clerk. _

_ "We need to negotiate the price, mate." Spike smiled with malice and the man's eyes widened._

_ "Well, sir, the price-"_

_ "Everything is negotiable." Spike looked around the store. Two or three people. And Bit. "Bit. Go along to the shoe store you mentioned on the way in."_

_ Dawn's eyes widened. "Spike- you- she wouldn't like it if you-"_

_ "Not goin' to do anything your sis wouldn't like." Spike whispered, ushering her to the front. Dawn looked up at him uncertainly, and his blue eyes reassured her, before turning yellow. "She likes it when I'm scary." _

_ "Oh God, I so do not wanna know about your sex life. I'm gone." Dawn trotted from the store with a gasp. _

_ "Oi! Dawn, I meant- oh, sod it." Spike shrugged his shoulders and hurried back to the counter, game face retreating. "This ring. Thousand quid, no more, no less."_

_ "Sir- I really cannot sell the ring for that price-"_

_ "I'd advise you to reconsider." Spike growled, fanging up. "No, no I wouldn't scream, if I were you. See- I'm a bad, bad man." The clerk gulped and looked around nervously, fingers inching towards the hidden call button under the counter. "I wouldn't push the button either, you little wanker. You're brassin' me off, and we can do this with you keepin' your windpipe, or with you givin' me a much needed drink."_

_ "Take it." The clerk gasped, pushing the ring to him._

_ "In a box! What kind of berk d'you think I am, givin' my girl a ring without a bleedin' box?"_

_ "Does she know what you are?" The clerk asked in horror as he yanked a box from beside the register._

_ "Yes. And she bloody well loves it." Spike threw a wad of money on the counter, tugged the box from his hand, admired it, and tucked it into his duster. "Thank you. Pleasure doin' business with you." Spike smiled, features once again the picture of masculine beauty. _

_ He swaggered from the store, the weight of the diamond like a sunbeam against his chest, warm and burning, and exquisite. Who cared if the ring came off every night? He'd be the one by her side, patrolling with her. He could buy her a plain band for her wedding ring, a band that could stay on during her patrols. Even if that wouldn't work- he licked his lips longingly- by daylight he'd own her in ways that could never be erased, a symbol that would bind her to him as long as they existed. He patted the ring comfortingly. Human customs are all well and good, but nothing says commitment like the mark, the claim, of eternal love._

* * *

_To be continued..._


	12. Chapter 12

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: Mainly Spike/ Buffy chapter. Major mushiness and smut. Lots of both. Also detail and wordiness._

_Dedicated to Ginar369, Omslagspapper, Shadowcat802, KyanaM, Jewel74, and Alexiarrose_

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine. **_

**Part XII**

"Essie's back!" Jim turned away from the chili he was making as he heard the garage door start to rumble. "Sul! Stop putting Stripes on the counter." Jim watched as Sully's face turned from mischievous to guilty and he pulled the kitten off the kitchen island.

"Where are my boys?" Essie caroled from the entryway.

"Kitchen, Ess!" Jim replied. Essie came in, carrying a pile of papers and some designer label bags. "Hey, you shopped?"

"No, the wardrobe people wanted me to wear this outfit and they let me keep it. Hi, kiddo. Hi, mousers. Hi, Handsome." She air-kissed Sully and the cats on top of their heads and then kissed Jim lingeringly on the lips. "They want us to come back and do another interview as a couple."

"Ughh." Jim groaned.

"Were you on another tv show? Can I watch this one? Pleeeease?" Sully wrapped his arms around Essie's waist and looked up at her with pleading blue eyes.

"Ohhh. Um, Sully-" Essie just about melted whenever her stepson-to-be asked her for anything and Jim was trying to train her to not give in. But Jim's eyes in Sully's little face...

"No, you can't." Jim picked Sully up unceremoniously and hung him upside down over one shoulder. "And you used the 'big blue eyes' trick." Sully chortled as his father's hand started poking him under his chin, trying to find a ticklish spot. "You know we have an awesome power that must only be used for good!" Jim turned him right side up, blew a raspberry on his tummy and plopped him down on one of the bar stools around the kitchen island. "Besides, we have guitar lesson after dinner."

Sully pouted, then grinned and ran off. "I'm gonna go practice!" Like his feline shadows, the cats raced after him as well. As he left, Jim turned to face Essie who looked extremely guilty.

"Essss-iee." Jim drew out her name warningly.

"I know! I know, I flunked the parenting test!" She clasped her hands anxiously. "What am I gonna do, Jimmy? The second he looks at me like that, I just- I can't refuse."

"Here's the trick. Think about what those baby blues will look like after he gets what he wants. I mean, that doesn't work in terms of extra ice cream or a _hamster_-" Essie winced at his pointed comment, "but it works for the big things. Like watching the show. Or watching the interview. Did they ask anything about the dark themes from last year?"

"Oh yeah." Essie sighed.

"Then you need to picture that little face looking confused and horrified." Jim looked grim. "And you didn't fail, Essie. You were just wavering."

"But I don't like wavering." She pouted. "Isn't there some pill I can take that makes me super stepmom?"

"Nope. But they say if you spend lots and lots of time with the father..." Jim pushed her lightly back against the counter and she giggled, wrapping her arms around him, letting her mouth find his. Letting her hands find- "Ess!"

She chuckled softly as her hand left it's perch and snaked up under his shirt, finding one flat nipple and raising it with her touch. "I've been a naughty girl today, Jim. You'll just have to give me some extra assignments to help me learn my lessons."

"I-" He felt a shiver run up his spine and shoot back down, making him throb almost painfully. He would love to be more erotic in bed with her. He'd love to just let go and stop worrying, and in the last few days he'd almost managed it. He was careful to never hold her wrists down, never push her legs down, and he always eased her clothes off gently, even if he was doing it in a frenzied passion. Those were the only things he consciously avoided or made sure to do, hold overs from disassociating with the bathroom scene. And he knew she was playful and happy when she asked him for "extra assignments". "I'll be sure to think of some lessons." He smiled, eyes closed so she wouldn't see the worry in them.

"Yummy. I'm going to go hang these up." Essie caressed his nipple again, making him gasp sharply in pleasure. She picked up the plastic bags and sauntered upstairs.

Jim opened his eyes. She was driving him crazy. He was supposed to show her nothing but love. He'd never hurt her in anyway, and he knew she wasn't asking for him to do that. But one piece of naughtiness leads to the next, and before you know it, he'd lose control. He'd never hurt her, but he'd push their limits. He shivered again. He was worried. Because he liked the idea. Because he wanted to push her limits until he'd found every thing he could ever do to her that would give her a second's pleasure, either of the light and innocent variety, or of the dark and passionate kind.

He returned to preparing dinner, catching sight of his reflection in the glass door of the sunroom. "What kind of man am I?" He whispered. _When she looks up at me when I'm inside her, I know she sees Jim. But if she looks at me when I'm trying something deep and dark- will she see Spike? Does it matter? _his rational voice asked._ She already told you she loved you, and who you pretend to be. _"But it matters to me."

Essie returned momentarily, and perched on one of the barstools in front of the papers. "One of the guys from the studio publicity team was at my interview. Hyping us. Hyping the final season. They gave me all these."

"What are they?" Jim asked, still keeping his back to her, head bowed over the oven as he stirred and spiced the chili.

"He said they were recent articles about us and the show." She shrugged. It was common for publicists to filter through the press coverage you got, taking out the highly distasteful or abusive. Neither she nor Jim liked to look at the magazines in the check out aisle or the bookstore, and even less did they like scanning the television. You never knew when you'd find a rerun of their own show, or a show with sexual violence. For their house, it was music channels, History, Discovery, and Cartoon Network all the way, baby.

"Want me to open it?" Jim offered, noticing that Essie was sitting in front of the stack of papers without moving.

"I can do it." She sighed.

"Hey." He came and sat down beside her, taking her hands. "You worried about what they say? You know they pull all this stuff out of their asses. It doesn't change you and me."

"I know." She stroked his hands with her thumbs, looking at him gratefully. "I know that." Essie resolutely tore open the first plastic covered magazine. "I just like how relaxed we've both been. And filming starts next week. I don't want to go back to that dark place just yet."

"Dark place." Jim repeated. "I don't want you to go in a dark place. I don't want to put you there. I_ won't_ put you there." His voice took on a fierce edge.

"Huh?" Essie stopped looking at a glossy photo of herself at red carpet event and stared at him startled. "You? What are you-"

"I'm not hurting you this season. Not-not like that. I'm not going to hurt you here, either."

"Jimmy! Jim, honey," Essie struggled past her perplexity, "you're not responsible for anything we do on the set! And as for here, you'd never hurt me!"

"But sometimes I want-" His eyes sought hers. "I want to push things. I don't know what we're comfortable with. Feel like this relationship has been about keeping the trust up and the tears down, and never letting go in case it crumbles."

"And you just want to let go?" She whispered. He bobbed his head once, adding a shrug. "Me, too. I already trust you, Baby. I know it's going to be good, whatever we do."

"I know you said couples make mistakes, and we're learning together. But I'm afraid I'll get caught up and forget to be careful." Essie slowly pushed herself from her chair to his, hooking one leg over his thigh, grabbing his shoulders to pull herself into his lap.

"I want you to take me upstairs tonight, and you and I will do whatever you want. Anything, anything in the world, as long as it's you and me. And I'll be honest if I don't like it. But, you know me so well. I know I'll like it."

She looked at him with such absolute confidence and love that he felt any worry slipping away. I've gotta be the man she wants, the man she needs. "Oh, you'll love it darling. I promise." He panted once in pleasure before he kissed her hard and deep.

* * *

_ Kennedy walked into the lobby. Still deserted, except for supremely bored-looking hotel staff. She marched up to the desk. "Hey. Just out of curiosity- the guy who was paying for the rooms? How many days did he pay for? How long do we have this hotel to ourselves?"_

_ "Mr. Angel said you can stay as long as you like, but the hotel reopens to the public tomorrow at 2:30 for the day's check in." The clerk answered._

_ "Thanks." Kennedy nodded stiffly. _Good. Gotta get out of here. No action. No quality time with Willow. _Willow was hers, and she was getting tired of sharing her. Kennedy looked at the elevator, decided with her Slayer speed she could just run the several flights of stairs to Willow's room in less time than it would take the machine. With a self-satisfied smile, she raced up to see her sweet goddess._

_ Who wasn't in her room..._

_ Kennedy slammed her fist down onto the bed as she examined it. Not even slept in. In fact, none of the new outfits she'd brought over to Willow's room that afternoon hadn't even been touched, they were all still in the plastic bag. With a grunt of frustration she grabbed the bedside phone and dialed the front desk. "Yeah, I need the room numbers of Xander Harris, Rupert Giles and Buffy Summers. I don't care if that's confidential! We came in together, are you freaking idiots down there?" Kennedy kicked the nightstand viciously, wincing as a chunk of wood broke off. "Room-? That's right next door to- thanks." Kennedy hung up and slowly walked down the hall. She didn't have far to walk. Xander's room was directly beside Willow's. Funny how neither of them had mentioned that._

_ Kennedy paused by the doorway. Laughing. Male and female laughter. A high pitched giggle and a deep relaxed rumble of enjoyment. Softly, she turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. Oh God. Four sets of bare feet hanging over the edge of the bed. A pile of clothes- some male and some female in nature, in the corner. And one of them was Willow's shirt. "What the hell is-" Kennedy burst fully into the room with a pissed off shout._

_ "Hi, Baby?" Willow, fully clothed, sat up from the bed. _

_ "Oh. Oh, I was just wondering- what the hell- is the point- of hanging out up here, all cooped up, when we have plans to make?" Kennedy covered._

_ Giles, Buffy, and Xander also sat up slowly, clearly not buying it. Kennedy felt like a fool. So those four had always seemed unnaturally close. So they'd never allowed her to really penetrate the heart of the gang, be part of the closeness. Okay, so she was wrong and jumped to conclusions. They were close in the family way, not in the group sex way. Good God. She had just been so stupid. And no one but Willow was ever likely to forget she'd just acted like a jealous, suspicious, bitch._

_ "Oh, we've been making plans. Lots of plans!" Willow smiled brightly, taking Kennedy's hands. "We're driving to Vegas first. And then heading towards a city on the East Coast."_

_ "Uh- what about Cleveland?" Kennedy asked in a tone that clearly indicated her friends were overlooking something major. "Y'know? Closed Hellmouth? Needs a Slayer?"_

_ "No Hellmouth. Hellmouth bad." Buffy argued petulantly._

_ "You tell 'em, Buffy." Xander punched the air feebly._

_ "Here, here." Giles agreed. "But Kennedy does raise a point. We should get everyone together before making a final decision. Kennedy, did Dawn and Spike return with you?"_

_ "No, they were headed to the mall. We split right after the bank." Kennedy focused her eyes on Willow. _"We_ need to make plans. As in you and me." _

_ "But- my plans include these guys, too. They're my family." Willow explained softly._

_ "Um. I should go. See if Dawn and Spike are back yet." Buffy stood up hurriedly, almost guiltily, even though she knew they weren't likely to be home yet._

_ "No, you guys stay. We'll go." Willow nodded with a tight smile. "Are we heading out tomorrow then?"_

_ "Sounds like a plan. Xander and Giles are going to head out a rent a couple vehicles as soon as the rental places open." Buffy explained to Kennedy. "Although I still vote for the RV. Less chance of a crispy Spike."_

_ "I've told you, we'll get a panel van." Giles reminded her somewhat irritably. "But one of you will have to come along. I let my American driver's license lapse, and they won't let Xander rent two vehicles."_

_ "RV- one car, dark interior, fits all of us, see my point?" Buffy said sarcastically._

_ "Hell to park, difficult to navigate in crowded city traffic, not exactly inconspicuous. Plus all of us almost died the last time we drove one of those." Xander ticked off the negative aspects of her idea. Willow and Kennedy left unobtrusively from the room, heading back down the hall._

* * *

_ "Okay, what was that? The four of you planning our lives without even asking the significant others?" Kennedy demanded once the door shut._

_ "Oh no, not like that. We were just trying to see what we all want. Buffy and I want to finish school, and there are tons of colleges in the eastern metro areas. And Giles needs something on the East Coast, easier to fly to England, and less time zones to worry about when he has to call. And- and we think some of the bigger cities on the coast- might be more tolerant, and we'll be able to blend in better."_

_ "Tolerant of the lesbian thing?"_

_ "No, the practicing magic and needing to be out all night thing. Plus, Giles says there's usually more demon activity in metropolitan areas. So all of us will have work. And he says there are more covens on the coasts than in the midlands. So I'll make some new friends!" Willow beamed at her. "And aren't your parents in New England as well?"_

_ "Yeah, they are! That's why I'm not going anywhere near there!"_

_ "Oh- okay. Well- there's a whole lot of East Coast, all the port cities in the south. It's warm. I like warm." Willow tried to brighten her dark haired girlfriend's mood._

_ "Willow, what is this? You act like you have to stay with them! Don't you want your own life?" _

_ "Yes! I want my friends in it, though." Willow's eyes flared._

_ "Do you want _me_ in it?" Kennedy spat accusingly._

_ "Yes! Of course I do, how can you even ask that?"_

_ "I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that you've spent every single minute since we escaped with Xander. And then Buffy and Giles. Not me. What kind of message are you sending?"_

_ "I'm sorry! I just- we usually hang out together in the wake of apocalypses. Plus, Anya is_ dead_. Xander's grieving and he needs his friends! Not to mention this is the first time we've ever been able to plan a normal life! EVER! I thought you'd be happy for us."_

_ "You want to go back to a normal life? After this? You want me to give up my powers?"_

_ "Huh? No! I want you to come with us. And patrol. In relative safety." Willow caressed her partner's hair gently. "With me. So I don't lose you."_

_ "I am not ready to live in a nice, normal world, Will. I'm not ready to give up the rush! Man, I've got the gift to save people! I can't give it away, let it go! And you don't have to let it go either! Giles said you can work with a slayer, as a wicca. He didn't say _which _slayer. It doesn't have to be Buffy, you can work with me. We'll be together. On our own. In love..."_

_ Willow looked up horrified. "Are you asking me to choose? Between them, and you?"_

_ "I- yeah. I am." Kennedy crossed her arms firmly. "I love you, and I'm willing to share you- some. But you and them- it's weird. You depend on them too much. Like you aren't your own person without them." _

_ "That's not fair! It's not true! I'm my own person _because_ of them! They're the ones who never told me to stop doing what I wanted. They look out for me, and they love me just like I am, even when I was trying to destroy the world. At my worst, do you know who stopped me? Xander. He stood between me and the crucible for my evil- and just told me he loved me. He was going to let me try to kill him, because he loved me enough to believe in me, believe the good was still in me! He always believed the real me would win." Willow's voice had gotten soft and distant. _He's part of what makes me, the "real" me._ Kennedy jarred her back into the moment. _

_ "Xander. Again. I am so not surprised!" Kennedy threw her hands up in defeat. "I guess the choice is clear! You choose the loveless Scooby gang rather than someone you can have a future with."_

_ "I'm sorry you feel that way." Willow whispered hoarsely. " But I've run on abnormal for too long. And these people- are all the family I really have left. I want to go somewhere where I can be safer. I want to go somewhere with them. I want you to come, too." She held out her hands, her eyes pleading. "Don't make me choose..."_

_ "I won't. I'll choose for you. I'm going. If I ever get tired of the rush, if I ever want to _quit_, I'll look you up." Kennedy brushed the back of her hand across her eyes angrily. "I love you, baby. You'll always be my goddess. If you ever change your mind- Giles will be able to find me." Kennedy squared her shoulders and marched to the door._

_ "Over? Just like that?" Willow squeaked, her voice constricting with tears._

_ "Over. But not 'just like that'." Kennedy bit her lip and fled._

* * *

_ Buffy opened the door after she caught the sounds of sobs and running footsteps, in reverse order. "Kennedy? Wil- Willow?" A soft thump collided with her. "Willow! Are you okay?"_

_ "Why are you crying? Why is she crying?" Xander demanded, taking Willow in his arms as she sobbed noisily, babbling incoherently. _

_ "Willow?" Giles peered at her. She made a pitiful little noise and buried her head more fully on Xander's chest. "Oh no."_

_ "Kennedy." Buffy said with a cold grimace. "I'll be right back."_

* * *

_ Buffy bolted from the room. _Find her. Find the bitch and bring her back, tell her to stop being stupid and make Willow stop crying._ She broke into a run._

_ "Hey!" Dawn's startled yelp and the sensation of them falling to the floor distracted Buffy from her mission. "Look around corners! You always told me to check around corners! And look at you, Ms. Screech-Around-the-Bend! What if I had been a demon?" Dawn lectured as she and Buffy untangled themselves._

_ "Dawn! Shut up!" Buffy kissed her sister on the forehead as she tugged her back to her feet. "Did you see Kennedy?"_

_ "Yeah. At the bank. Like, two hours ago." Dawn looked at her sister patiently, "But I thought you knew that."_

_ "She- Willow and she must have had a fight. They left in kind of a snit and then it must have gone major snit, because Willow's back in Xander's room, bawling her eyes out." Buffy looked around distractedly, running a hand through her hair. "Where's Spike? He can track her."_

_ "Uh- he came up in the elevator. He was going to your room. B-but he had a surprise for you, so please don't go up there! And please, _please_ don't tell him I said that! Oh my God, Buffy, if I ruin the surprise, he'll never speak to me again. Or he'll bite me. Or he'll bite me _and_ never speak to me again!" Dawn panicked._

_ "B-but Willow." Buffy looked helplessly back towards the door. "I need to find Kennedy!"_

_ "What would you do? Beat her up to make her be with Willow? If she wanted to be with her, she would be. Wouldn't she?"_

_ "I guess. But- it's not right! Xander and Willow- they can't be alone. Not when I have someone now." Buffy was about to go on, but a noise behind her made her turn._

_ "B-Buffy?" A sniffling Willow and angry looking Xander stood a few feet away in the hallway. "Let her go. She- she wouldn't be happy with us right now." Willow burst into a fresh torrent of tears and Xander pushed her roughly into Dawn and Buffy's arms, herding them back towards the interior of his room. _

_ "Stay!" He ordered. "SPIKE!" Xander let loose a howling roar._

_ "What are you doing?" Dawn hissed, rubbing Willow's back. Giles scratched his forehead worriedly, staring between the huddle of girls and the shouting young man._

_ "Xander-" Buffy began, but he shushed her._

_ "I'll find her. I'll find her for you, Will. SPIKE!"_

_ "I'm comin'! Bloody hell! Is everything- oh, no Red, what's up?" Spike flew into their midst, duster flying, eyes wide. He took in the scene, Buffy's anguished expression, and Willow's tear stained face. "What happened?" He asked gravely._

_ "K-Kennedy and I- aren't going to be together right now." Willow gulped._

_ "Oh." Spike cast a longing look at Buffy. He had one hell of a night planned for them. But that was all shot now. Not with Red cryin' and the one-eyed boy radiating fury. He could literally smell and hear the boy's blood racing in rage. "Right then. Xander, c'mon."_

_ "Good." Xander growled. For the first time ever, Spike actually felt a little fear of the klutzy boy. Don't mess with a man's heart. And Xander's heart, even though it wasn't in the typical fashion, belonged solidly to the witch._

_ "I'll get some chocolate." Giles said nervously, leaving Willow in Dawn and Buffy's capable arms. The three females looked up at him in puzzlement. "What? You think I haven't watched enough woman trouble in the last seven years to know what to do? I get chocolate and ice cream and one of those weepy Lifetime docudramas."_

_ "And you get the hell out of Dodge." Buffy added with a cynical smile._

_ "Absolutely." He sighed and shut the door behind him with a thankful expression._

* * *

_ "I don't think I can track her past this station." Spike sniffed and shook his head regretfully._

_ "Try!" Xander commanded._

_ "I_ am_ tryin', mate." Spike looked at him, making his eyes do the talking. _I'm trying to help her, I am. But we both know that if we find her it won't make it right._ "I know it's hard to admit, but-"_

_ "Don't say it. Don't say anything. If you can't find her scent, we'll have the Watchers trace her." Xander looked around helplessly, taking in all the trains leaving and coming, all the hundreds of women with dark hair and medium build._

_ "Okay. Good plan." Spike agreed._

_ "Are you agreeing with me?" Xander accused._

_ "Yes, for once. Look, I know we will never be friends. But you love Buffy, and Bit. An' I love 'em, too." Spike fought with himself. "Sod it. You know- I want to be a jerk about this! I'm s'posed to bad, right? But I kinda like Red. An' she's too good to get left like this, first by the wolf, then her bird stolen right out from under her by that madman's bullet. Now this. It ain't right. But what're we goin' to do? Force commando bitch back to her? She's a bloody powerful witch. She wants her back, she'd get her back."_

_ "She wouldn't do that." Xander hissed, stalking off. Spike nodded emphatically, following him._

_ "Y'see? She isn't doin' it, why are we?" Spike mentally winced. He hated acting like he had any deep thoughts in front of anyone except Buffy. "Bringing Willow's lover back won't bring yours back." He said softly. The pavement rushed up to him, and he fell hard, right on his tailbone, which dead or not, soddin' hurt. "You punch pretty well for a man with one eye." Spike rubbed his jaw and bounced back to his feet._

_ "I'm _not_ doing it for that! I'm doing it because one of us should be happy." Xander replied in a furious hiss._

_ "I know. I'm sorry." Spike let it go. The two men walked along in silence, heading back to the hotel, both of them slumping in defeat._

_ "You make her happy." Xander admitted grudgingly after several blocks in silence. "I hate you for it. I hate that she's always chosen someone other than me. But I don't want her anymore. I just want her to be happy. You make her happy. I hate you for that." Spike swallowed a chuckle as Xander finished his circular statement. "Shut up, Peroxide." _

_ "Did I say a blessed word?" Spike asked in an injured voice._

_ "You were thinking really loud, Bleach Boy." Xander sniped. They took a few more steps in silence. "We talked a lot today. When you were out with Dawn."_

_ "Yeah?" Spike resisted the urge to act like schoolboy and ask "What'd she say about me?". He struggled again, having to be civil to people - people he didn't much care for- after what seemed like years in near solitary confinement was difficult. "That's nice. I'm not tryin' to take her away from you lot. I tried bloody hard to bring her _back_ to you! All I ask, is that you don't give her a hard time. I mean, you can hate me all you want-"_

_ "Thank you for the permission!" Xander interjected._

_ "Welcome. Anyway, hate me all you want. In private, curse me to your heart's content, but just- don't make her feel bad. I know she shouldn't love me, but she does. And it _does_ make her happy." Another tense silence as they walked, finding their way back to the hotel. Spike led the way by scent, trailing Buffy. Before, they had run like mad and neither of them paid a blind bit of notice to their route. _

_ Xander let out an exasperated sigh and slapped Spike hard on the head. "Fine! Make her happy. And-ugh- she'll tell you herself of course, but she was pretty insistent about stopping in Vegas on the way to wherever we're planning to go."_

_ "Vegas?" Spike cocked his head, rubbing it more out of force of habit than actual pain. "Vegas? Ohh." He took on an incredulous look. "Really?"_

_ "Yes, God knows why!" Xander shrugged. Which was a lie. Buffy and Willow had been very detailed about why. They figured the hustle and bustle, cookie-cutter, assembly line style of Vegas would make for a nice, quick, easy to fool the judge or preacher wedding ceremony._

_ "Really? I mean, not that I care, of course." Spike bluffed, acting like it didn't matter. "I just don't want her to give up more than she has to. I don't think neon and drunken gamblers are her style." Spike rolled his head to Xander. "Don't you think so? You're her best mate."_

_ "Hey- if I had the chance to marry Anya again, I'd do it in a gutter if I had to." Xander reached out and gave him a powerful shove in the shoulder. "Don't. Pass. It. Up."_

_ "Don't. Worry. I. Won't." Spike shoved him back. "An' I'm not bein' your punchin' bag, just cause you're miserable."_

_ "Good, 'cause I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole!"_

_ "Good! 'Cause I wouldn't let you."_

_ "Fine!" Xander spat._

_ "Fine!" Spike growled. "So. Vegas. Hrm. D'you wanna be the best man?"_

_ "Sure. Jerk."_

_ "Good, idiot!"_

_ Xander blinked and clutched his head. "Did you just-?"_

_ "No! Well, yeah." Spike looked at him from the corner of his eye. "Oh, bloody, buggerin' hell."_

_ "And a big side of holy crap!" Xander added, as they pushed into the lobby of the Hyperion. "I feel physically and emotionally ill."_

_ "How d'you think I feel? I'm the one that had to ask a prat like you."_

_ Giles jumped up from one of the couches in the lobby. "Any luck?"_

_ "No, but the Watchers can find her, can't they?" Xander demanded._

_ "Yes, they can. In time. But the question is, do we want to find her?"_

_ "No!" Spike said as Xander cried, "Yes!"_

_ "Well, it's tabled for now. Willow cried herself to sleep in your bed." Giles explained to Xander. "And I believe Dawn and Buffy are having a sisterly argument over a nose piercing?" He sounded puzzled and frowned as the words left his mouth._

_ "Hey! I talked her into waiting', told her once she was 18! She listened." Spike claimed._

_ "Yes, I know. She's trying to convince Buffy since you said no."_

_ "Oh, well, that's a bleedin' lost cause." Spike flopped down in a chair. "I'm never gonna get this off the ground..."_

_ "Now what?" Xander huffed. Spike looked at him with a petulant glare, eyebrow quirking._

_ "Not that it's any of your business, but Buffy and I had something special we wanted to do tonight. That's all. No matter, really. We can do it another night."_

_ "Something special?" Giles inquired, removing his glasses. Spike shrugged, not looking at him. Giles exchanged a look with Xander._

_ "I'll take Willow. You take the teenager." Xander's words dragged from him slowly, painfully. "And I'm only doing this for Buffy, not for you!" He turned and pointed savagely to Spike. Spike looked at him briefly, then turned away._

_ "Oh, please! You take Dawn." Giles begged._

_ "When Willow wakes up, she'll start crying again..." Xander warned. _

_ "Very well." Giles and Xander left without a backward glance. Spike waited a decent interval, long enough to make it look as though he didn't really care, and then swaggered off in the direction of his room, taking the stairs three at a time once he was sure he wouldn't wouldn't attract attention. He had a room to get ready._

* * *

She had the room ready. For what exactly, she wasn't sure. But she had candles. She had soft music. Guitar without vocals of all the songs she thought he'd like. And massage oil picked up from the pharmacy section of their local grocery was sitting on the bedside table. Sully was asleep, and Jim was lingering over him, making sure he was well and truly out. Essie couldn't blame him. One of her biggest stepmom-type fears was getting caught in the act with Jim by his impressionable little boy.

"Hi." Jim came in, gliding on bare feet, black sweats his only covering. His smile was soft, with a devilish twitch in one corner, and his hair was slicked back. Essie's breath caught when she saw him. The way he moved was just slightly different. A roll in his step, that indicated he wasn't acting in his usual affectionate and straightforward way.

"Hi." She smiled back. "Little man down?"

"Well and truly." He whispered, flicking off the bedside lamp as he came near her.

"Jimmy?"

"Ess?"

"You okay?"

"Why?" He couldn't do it. He couldn't let himself go. She would always watch him from the corner of her eye, think every fast advance was not so much a seductive prowl but a sneak attack. The passionate advance he'd had stirring in him deflated quickly.

"I don't know." She shrugged and closed her mouth. She had a thousand things she could say, and any one of them could trigger something to make him slip back into his cautious mode. And she didn't want that for them. She wanted it to be wholewith them, no little fears or worries clouding their lives or their loves. "I love you."

"I love you." He reassured- and then gave in. "Essie, I can't. I just can't. I can't turn on the bad boy, I can't turn off Jim."

"I don't want you to do that! Ever!" Essie gaped at him, her smile quickly twisting bitterly and she held up her ring. "See this? I'm marrying you! I love you! I love _you_!" She suddenly bit her lip and burst into tears. "I only love you, and I love all of you and I can't make it better. I can't make the scene go away! " Jim approached, arms widening to enfold her. "And don't hug me cause I'm crying, 'cause I hate girls who cry to get what they want!"

Jim grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her off the bed. "Now you listen. I love you, too. And I'm hugging you because I want to. And you- you just- let me love you." He ordered, suddenly lifting her up, jaw set. "You're mine, Essie. And no one else's. You do still want to be mine, right?"

"Yes, yes." She clawed his back in passionate abandon as he kissed her with near bruising force. "Yes, this is what I want."

"Say it." He half ordered, half begged, one hand cupping her cheek, the other digging into her soft rear.

"I want to be yours." She gasped as he fell to his knees, her under him. Love and determination swept across his face, settling in his eyes.

"Good. I'm yours. And I'm going to show you so you never doubt again. I'm going to be in every part of you and fill you up 'til no one can ever even look at you without seeing me in you."

"And what about you? How are they going to know you're mine?" She whispered as her night gown went peeling off over her head.

"Oh, Baby." He rumbled low in his chest. "I'll be so drenched in you that no one could call me anything but your man." He hauled her up on to the bed after a moment's intense kissing, her legs splayed over his shoulders and his mouth busy in her rapidly moistening center.

Essie gasped out as his tongue, seemingly stronger than was allowable for humans, split her and delved into her and thoroughly defeated her. "Wh-what are you doing?" She moaned.

"I'm making you cum in my mouth, so I can drink you down. Before you return the favor." He quirked his eyebrow at her, thumb pulling her clit up so he could access it better with his devilish tongue. "Don't you like that idea, darling? You said you thought I'd taste nice."

She whimpered incoherently. Jim reached up, his palm turned up for her to take his hand. She understood. He wouldn't ask if he was being too rough. He wouldn't ask, because he wasn't going to ruin it. He wasn't going to doubt himself. But if she took his hand- it would be them acting together, partners. Equals, like they were meant to be. She grasped his hand and ground her nails into the skin on his knuckles.

"Make me cum." She purred. "Right on that hot, bad boy tongue of yours."

"Your wish is my command." He laughed into her.

An hour later, Jim got his second wind. Oh, he could have gotten it sooner, but he was too busy gloating. Essie was full of his essence and he could still taste her on his tongue. You don't get more possessive than that. More connected than that. More trust, more intimate than consuming each other.

And then she'd grabbed the massage oil and started drizzling it over him, all over his slightly hard cock, and down between her thighs. "Honey? We're already plenty wet." He pointed out.

Essie looked at him, her already pink cheeks instantly aflame. "Oh. Yeah, we are." She looked suddenly very vulnerable and didn't quite meet his eye. "I- um, I thought-"

"_Oh_. I'm an idiot." He slid closer to her on the bed, cradling her, pulling himself against her. "You want to?"

"Only with you." She admitted in a ghost of whisper.

"That's good. I only want it with you, too." He agreed.

"Do you think- that's like a- 'Buffy' thing?" She whispered.

"No, Baby." He shook his head. "Never in a zillion years do I think she'd trust him enough to do anything so remotely special. You have to trust someone and love someone completely to do that. Plus have a naughty side." He smiled at her, rubbed her arm, scooting until she was half under him, protective, loving, wanting.

She nodded mutely, kissing him, letting him kiss her until her body when limp and she rolled over on her belly, looking back over her shoulder at him. "Come here."

"What- why like that?" Jim hesitated, cursing himself for interrupting something so precious and special.

"Isn't this how?" Her cheeks flamed harder.

"No. Not this time." He spoke softly, pulling her back to face him. "You have done-" He stopped himself._ Don't ask. It doesn't matter. It's the first time for _us_. _ "I love you more than ever. Every time I'm with you." He pulled her legs up high, far over his hips, but below his shoulders.

"Promise you approve?" She whispered.

"I approve very much." He smiled. He looked down at her, caressing her face, trailing it down to her stomach and then between her thighs. A sudden thought crossed his mind. Now this, this might hurt. If she hadn't. Well, even if she had. And for once, he was completely sure that he wouldn't let anything bad happen to her, that she wouldn't feel any pain. "I love, my Essie." He breathed, sinking his mouth to hers. "I'll never let anything bad happen to you."

* * *

"_Spike?" Buffy pushed open the door to their room. It was dark but for the florescent overhead light in the bathroom, and a bright moon shining through the open curtains. Giles and Dawn had practically fled from her. And it wasn't like Dawn would leave in the middle of a throw down argument without a very motivating cause. For motivating cause read big, bad, brother vampire. That or shopping. And Giles wouldn't take Dawn shopping two nights in a row. Even he, patron saint of patient people, wasn't that tolerant. But surely Spike wouldn't have told them about the whole claim thing. She didn't think her friends would approve of claims, but she didn't think Spike'd let that stop him from claiming her. She didn't want him to._

_ "I'm in here, Pet. Got you some chocs and sweeties earlier." Spike came out from the bathroom, carrying an ornately wrapped box. "And a pink rose for my rosebud." He handed her a pink rose, in a water filled styrofoam cup. "Sorry, didn't stop to think about a vase."_

_ "Aww! My sweet, evil vampire." She giggled. "No really, Spike. Thank you! That's so sweet. Do you know something- no one has ever given me flowers and chocolates before? Not at the same time, anyway." _

_ "Whole lot of firsts tonight." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She blushed and then clapped her hand to head. "What is it, Luv?"_

_ "I never got to the store today! I was gonna buy a nightie! A little- you know- skimpy thingy."_

_ "Luv, I think you're damn sexy in anything. You know that." He swallowed and rubbed his fingers through his hair. "Before we get comfy, though, just wanted to tell you, I didn't have any luck finding the girl. And Xander didn't take it too well."_

_ "It was kind of stupid to go chasing after her." Buffy shrugged._

_ "Yeah, well. That's me." Spike bluffed._

_ "I know why you did it." She smiled gratefully._

_ "Yeah. Bit of a chase. Been cooped up for too long." He smiled easily._

_ "And you're lying to me." She kissed him. "Maybe cause you like me thinking you're bad, when I know how good you are?" _

_ "Maybe." He admitted. Then sighed heavily. "I know they mean well, an' you love 'em. So I tried to help. Figured the boy wouldn't rest 'til he'd done _something_. And God knows I don't wanna watch Red sobbin' her way through _Steel Magnolias_ again."_

_ "Again? You've seen her do that?" Buffy was incredulous, both that Spike would sit through it, and that Willow had shared their go-to tearjerker. _

_ "Yeah. About five times. Her and Bit. When you were- gone." He swallowed around the lump in his throat that surfaced whenever he remembered the 147 days he'd been 'alive' and she'd been dead. The longest days of his life or unlife, the only pure form of torture he'd ever known._

_ "I love you." She marveled again at the things this man would do for her. "That's why I wanna be with you so much. For so long." She pulled her hair back from her neck and watched Spike twitch and then restrain himself. "Ready?"_

_ "Not yet. Sit here, Luv." He motioned to a chair by the window. "Lovely moon. Should be the sun, since it's you. But I do the best I can_." _He gracefully sank to his knees before her, looking up at her with a slight smile, trying to mask his nerves._

_ "Spike- you-"_

_ "Shh." Spike pressed a finger to her lips. "Now listen to me. And don't you laugh. I'm no good with words-"_

_ "Yes, you are!" Buffy protested reflexively._

_ "Listen and don't interrupt." He said pointedly. "So- yeah. I'm no good with words so I'm just" he slid his hands from his chest out to her, palms up, defenseless, "speakin' from my heart." Her lips parted and he gave her a warning glare. She closed them quickly and nodded emphatically._

_ "I know I don't deserve you. Don't deserve anything so good, so pure, so wholly _right_, as you. But, I love you. I'll never leave you and I'll never let you down. Not when it counts, anyway. An' I won't lie- I'm bein' entirely selfish here. I'll never leave you so you can have a normal life, 'cause I wouldn't be in it, and I can't bear that." Buffy's mouth parted again, a single tear trailing from the corner of her eye to the edge of her mouth. "No, let me finish, Luv. I know I've hurt you, know I've made you miserable, know I've done the worst things a man can ever do, to either you or someone else. But I _also _know that because of you, I've done the _best_ things a person can do. I've loved, I've saved lives, I've sacrificed, I've helped save the bloody world! I got a soul, just to try to give you what I could, what you deserved, even though I know I can never make a dent in all I owe you. So. That's all I've got to offer. My whole heart and soul, Buffy, such as it is. I love you. If you'll have me, I would love to be by your side. Forever."_

_ Her mouth moved, formed his name, but no sound came out. She crossed her hands across her heart, tugging his hand up to twine with hers. She nodded frantically. "Yes." She finally squeaked out._

_ He'd known she would. She'd said it before, but this was real- the world, the ring, the fact that it could happen. He was thrilled- and needed to hear it again. "Yes? You did say that? You said yes?" Spike made certain before giving in to his surging joy._

_ "Yep." She smiled brightly, tears overflowing. _

_ "YEAH!" He let out an explosive roar, picking her up and tossing her in the air before catching her, wrapping her in a tight hug, squeezing the breath out of her and then giving it back as he kissed her ardently. "Oh! The ring. Soddin' memory, I spent so ruddy long on tryin' to find somethin' to say and here it worked okay jus' wingin' it." He put her down unceremoniously on the edge of the little round table by the window and got the ring box out of his hip pocket._

_ "You bought me a ring?" Buffy looked awed. Then she realized she had no reason to. He always kept his promises. He was actually quite scarily good at keeping said promises. _

_ "Told my girl she'd get her big sparkly. All bought and paid for. Not stolen." Spike added proudly. "Here, Pet." He popped open the box with a pleased smirk. "You like?" Her girlish squeal rattled the windows and he laughed delightedly. "I'll take that as a big yes, shall I?"_

_ "It's beautiful! Is it real? What am I saying, of course it's real! Oh my God, I have a real ring! A real diamond engagement ring like a normal girl and I love it, and not that I don't love my other ring! I'll wear it on a chain around my neck unless you want it back, but oh my God I have a diamond engagement ring like a normal girl!" She launched herself at him knocking him flat on his back on the carpet, feeling him shake under her with peals of laughter. "What? What?"_

_ "You- you rant when you're happy, Luv. Bloody charmin'. I love you. Keep both rings, wear 'em wherever you want." He looked up at her happily, caressing her hair. "I know you'll probably have to take it off on patrol. But you can wear it the rest of the time, yeah? An' I get to come with you on patrol? I mean, I'm not like soldier boy, I can keep up."_

_ "Are you kidding? Look at the size of this stone! I can probably do some serious damage with it. I'm thinking it stays on. It might be the new weapon of choice for slayers." Her giggling grin faded and her face became serious. "You always come with me, Spike. You know how to keep up, you know how to watch my back, and you don't hog all the kills."_

_ "Gotta let my girl get her slayin' in." He smiled happily._

_ "I'm thinking no more solo patrols. Ever. I mean, now that you, Xander, and Willow are all official parts of the team- it would be like me telling you not to come to work." She looked at his deeply satisfied expression and had to tweak it. They'd joked and traded barbs for too long, even though now there was no bile behind their words. "You always come with me. Unless Dawn needs help with math. Or driving. Buffy and math and cars are not good mixy things."_

_ "Yeah, and plus I'm already dead, doubt the Bit could kill me with her drivin'." Spike tenderly slid the ring onto her hand, waiting until she had swapped the silver ring from left to right. "There. Mine."_

_ "Yours." She agreed, feeling the almost palpable sexual spark that suddenly filled the room. _

_ "Claim words." Spike explained with a predatory gleam in his eyes. "You just can't wait to belong to me, can you Slayer?"_

_ "Nope." She admitted cheerfully. "And you can't wait to own me, can you?" She purred, reaching up, pushing him back so she could pass him._

_ "You'd let me think of you like that?" Spike whispered hoarsely, watching her draw the curtains, feeling his night vision kick in as the room darkened considerably._

_ "I can't control how you think of me." She hedged. He was behind her, gripping her arms hard, his breathing, such as it was, ragged with the effort of restraining himself. "But you can own me- if you want to."_

_ "Oh, I do, Luv. But it's a two-way street. You'd own me, too."_

_ "Mm, my very own vampire."_

_ "My very own Slayer." He rasped before he pulled her to the bed. "I love you. My Buffy, my Slayer." _

_ "My Champion, my Spike." She rejoined, hands tugging his tight black tee shirt up over his back, grinding her nubile body against him to urge him along._

_ "Here now, supposed to be all romantic, a claim's a one time deal, Luv."_

_ "We can get more romantic once the clothes come off." She insisted, hands ripping his belt free. He wriggled, black jeans and black boots skimming to the floor, revealing his moon washed skin._

_ "Good plan. My brilliant little minx." He yanked her jeans open, apologizing under his breath as a button went flying, and apologizing again as her thin cotton underwear split in half._

_ "I'm glad Dawn bought us so much stuff." Buffy murmured, kicking her boots off and using her toes to push down his socks. She lifted her hips and let him remove her jeans completely. "But I like this bra- so don't-" _

_ "Sorry." Spike actually sounded contrite. "About the others. You wear these little bits of lace and they- break so easily." He carefully unhooked the black lacy scrap around her bust and moaned as he saw the twin globes he loved so well. He dug his hands into her hips and put his forehead to hers. "I love you, Baby."_

_ "I love you, too." Spike began trailing kisses across her face, her shoulders, pausing to nibble her sensitive neck and the spot behind her ear, before starting in on her breasts. He traced slow, exasperatingly slow kisses all over each one before finding the nipple and engulfing it, sliding two fingers into her slick, hot tunnel at the same time. "Unngh!" She cried, hips lifting off the bed._

_ "Oh, yes, Luv, Let me make you feel good..." He starting teasing his way lower, tongue darting to catch every inch of satin skin between her breasts and her taut stomach. He was surprised when she closed her legs around his hand, denying him access with his mouth._

_ "I love when you do that." She whispered._

_ "I had realized that, yes." Spike chuckled, trying to move her legs apart but stopping once the steel muscles clamped on his hand again. He looked to her for an explanation._

_ "I love it. But- I want to be able to look into your eyes, touch your face, for the whole time."_

_ "That's a beautiful idea." He quickly agreed and slowly moved back up, leaving lingering kisses as he returned to settle above her._

_ "You don't mind? Just this time seems so special and I-"_

_ "I think it's perfect." He nuzzled their heads together. "And there's no sight in the world I love more than your face. 'Specially the expression you get when you're cummin' around me."_

_ At one time she would have broken his nose for that. She would have called him a pig for having the audacity to admit an undeniable truth that he was able to please her. That he was actually the only one who had ever pleased her fully. She remembered all those times and grateful tears filled her eyes. "I'm glad I didn't lose you." _

_ "Made bloody sure of it, didn't you? Jumpin' in the bleedin' beam of heavenly justice after me?"_

_ "No. Before. Or- or then. But I used to hurt you. Yell at you when all you did was love me. I'm so sorry! I'm so s-sorry." She suddenly gave way to tears and he wrapped her up in his arms, all his weight on her, smothering her. And it was the most comforting feeling she'd ever known. "I'm sorry. For crying. I'm ruining this whole thing."_

_ "Hush." He growled in her ear, and he smiled where she couldn't see him, buried as he was in the crook of her neck. His growls made her blood pump, particularly the arteries racing down to her pussy. "You're here with me. You're wearin' my ring. On each hand come to think of it, and you want to claim me, want us to claim each other. I don't care if you have full on hysterics, Pet, as long as you don't want me to stop."_

_ "Please don't stop." She whispered. _

_ "I love you, Buffy. You have the purest heart I've ever seen. And you cry so much 'cause you carried a burden for too long. On your own."_

_ "Slayer thing. We do that." She sniffled. He pushed himself up on his wrists and looked down on her sternly. " _Used_ to do that."_

_ "I'm willin' to bank on the fact that when you've a husband and mate to help you, when you'll _accept_ help, you stubborn bint, that you'll cry much less."_

_ "You're probably right, you irritating pig." Her nose crinkled adorably as she laughed up at him and he kissed her soundly. He used that magical tongue until she moaned and she reached down, finding his impressive hardness._

_ He groaned and bucked into her hands, momentarily ashamed that he couldn't play it casual anymore, that she had him dead to rights in every aspect, heart wise and sex wise, and every soddin' part of his existence. He delved into her entrance with his fingers and she squirmed. As long as it was mutual, he smiled. "Spike..." She whispered longingly and he gave in, sinking himself to the hilt in one neat dip of his pelvis, listening to the duet of their shuddering gasps._

_ "Y'know every time is better than the last time? How d'you do that?" Spike asked her in amazement._

_ "I was gonna ask you the same thing." She looked equally impressed. "You ready to own me?" She tempted, a faint blush on her cheeks._

_ "Oh yes. But not like you think." He grinned wickedly and started pummeling into her, burrowing, delving until he found the spot that made her writhe, and thoroughly massaged it with his tip._

_ "Baby." She gasped, clenching on him, squeezing her dripping pink muscles around his length. His eyes bugged as she used her slayer strength and crushed him inside. And she licked her lips in seductive pleasure when she heard the growl emanate from him and his vampire strength came boiling up._

_ "I love you. Love you more than anything." He ground out, his cock fighting her muscular walls, creating the most beautiful friction imaginable. "You're gonna pop me, you don't back off a bit, Luv."_

_ "You're gonna tear me, you don't take it easy." She countered. And neither one of them budged. They redoubled their efforts, their growls and groans building, headboard slamming into the wall, sheets tearing. The outside observer would have jumped to the conclusion that two master fighters were battling to the death. But had they listened closely, they would have only heard the words "I love you" repeated over and over again in the midst of the noise._

* * *

_ "Okay- one more call and I'm supposed to go up there." Xander put the phone down with a sick expression. He and Willow were curled up together on his bed, locked in a comforting fetal position. _

_ "Isn't that the manager's job?" She asked in a puzzled voice._

_ "Yeah, well, apparently Giles came down about 20 minutes ago and told the manager that anyone who wasn't a 'trained member of our team' would be killed if they attempted to interrupt the couple on the 7th floor." Xander laughed with an irritated snort. "He failed to mention _anyone_ would be killed if they try and interrupt those two."_

_ "Giles is their boss. He should take care of it." Willow decided, more out of cowardly self-preservation than anything else. _

_ "Giles took Dawn to a movie. I can't blame him. I mean, we're on the 3rd floor, and I can feel the ceiling shaking. I can only imagine what it's like on the 4th floor and up."_

_ "But no one's on the upper floors." Willow pointed out._

_ "Don't try to argue with the logic of the American manager, Will. He says it creates a disturbance, and therefore, it does."_

_ "Hmm. Stupid jerks. Spoiling the much deserved love of our heroine and ex-bad guy." Willow smiled to herself. "Come on. I need to go to the 7th floor."_

_ "Okay- that's just gross." Xander looked ill. "We have the adult movie channel if you-"_

_ "Eww! No! I'm going to do a spell that muffles the noise!"_

_ "Couldn't we do that in the lobby, so they just don't realize that a free-for-all is going on upstairs?" Xander pleaded._

_ "Oooh! That's an even less icky idea! Come on!"_

_ "Thank God." Xander breathed and followed Willow out the door of 'their' room._

* * *

_ Spike chewed on her neck, his teeth still blunt, just bringing blood to the surface as he pounded inside her. "Here. Practice." He lifted her lips to his jugular. She traced it slowly with her pert little tongue. _My Buffy. My Buffy's going to bite me- oh my God-_ He had to withdraw completely and rest atop her, panting. _

_ "Why didn't you tell me that?" Buffy demanded in a highly annoyed tone. "That your neck was all erogenous zone-y! I could've been doing this for months!"_

_ "Too- much to miss- if you did it once and then never again." Spike admitted through clenched teeth, shaking, trying to calm down._

_ "Oh. That's not a concern anymore, is it?" She asked rhetorically, and re-latched on his neck, thrilled at this new power over him. He moaned and whimpered. His neck twitched as if he couldn't decide whether to give her more access or shield himself. "Am I doing this right, or is it just this sensitive?"_

_ "Both." He managed to gulp. "And don't you get cocky, missy." He suddenly tore himself away, slamming into her deeper. "Once you're marked, you'll feel the same way."_

_ "I will?" She asked, wide-eyed._

_ "Like havin' your bleedin' g-spot in your neck." He grinned maliciously. She looked nervous suddenly and he could see her mentally picking out a high-necked wardrobe for the rest of her days. "Don't worry, Luv. Only works for your lover."_

_ "Thank God!" She laughed and hugged him to her, gasping as his hips pistoned into her harder and harder. "I'm so close- again." She blushed. _

_ "I know. I'm investin' in waterproof sheets when we set up the flat." He teased. _

_ "Spike. Please- I want us to belong together." She murmured, stroking his jawline with one fingertip, letting it caress the moist patch she'd created on his neck._

_ "You know how it works?" He felt his demon pulling at him, begging to be let out, but he was forcing him into submission until the explanations were finished._

_ "You bite me, I bite you, you say mine, I say yours, lather, rinse, repeat?"_

_ "You bite me- say 'mine', I reply 'yours'. Then I bite you, I say 'mine', and you reply 'yours'. You have to draw blood. You've got slayer strength in your jaws, and don't be afraid to use it."_

_ "Do I have to drink it?" She asked softly. _

_ He nodded. "Nothing bad'll happen to you. It's one little taste, an' you're not dyin' so it won't turn you. I wouldn't let anything hurt-"_

_ "Spike. I can do it." He looked at her gratefully. "Then what happens? How will we know if it worked?"_

_ "Well, I'm figuring we'll time it to coincide with our climax." He thrust in harder again, bringing that moment ever closer. "And then- if it worked- you'll feel me cumming and I'll feel you- not just the sensation of it, no, you'll feel what I feel. A double, feelin' your own, an' feelin' mine. Figured you couldn't ask for a better claim experience."_

_ "Uh-uh." She agreed wonderingly. Her lips sought his neck again, and this time he gently turned her face, pointing her to the other side of his neck. Drusilla's siring marks. That side was far more sensitive, which was why he had refrained from offering it up originally, he hadn't wanted to erupt perfunctorily._

_ "Get rid of that pesky scar for me, will you Luv?" He whispered. He didn't want to belong to anyone but her, ever again._

_ "Oh, no problem there." If she had a demon, it would have burst forth just then. If his goal had been to motivate her to use her teeth to their full advantage and bite hard enough to draw blood, he had succeeded beyond his wildest dreams. She'd obliterate any sign that dark bitch left on her man. Her man. "Oh God, Spike, Spike, hurry." She felt her loins burn and tighten with her impending release, but she wouldn't give in to it without him._

_ He nodded, too busy concentrating to speak. With a soft, slick hiss his face changed, demon taking control. He buried his head in her shoulder, trying to hide himself, just because he knew, some little part of him still thought, it was wrong for her to admit she loved the worst part of him. "Kiss me." Her voice was soft and insistent. He slowly turned his head, so she could see his profile, see the change. _

_ "Kiss you, like this?" He asked in a doubtful murmur._

_ "Yeah. Like that." Maybe it was the pre-orgasm talking, maybe it was the unfathomable depths of his devotion, but she was saying whatever she wanted, without any thought, without any worry, or even a marginal filter. "Let me love him. Let him take me, I want all of you to own me, heart and soul. Oh God, Spike, just- _kiss me_!" _

_ He obeyed with a fierceness that surprised and delighted her. He kissed hard and recklessly, because she was encouraging him to do it, clawing him, begging for him with her body. She could taste the blood in her mouth and she didn't even know whose it was, his or hers, as they kissed in a frenzy, fangs and teeth seeking to mark, not kill, not drain. He pulled away suddenly, mouth stained crimson. _

_ "I love you." He said in the thicker voice his fang-obstructed mouth created._

_ "I love you, Baby." She stroked his face tenderly, no fear in her. Not like the last time she'd seen him this way, not even a hint of nerves. _

_ "It's still me in here." He heard himself saying, reassuring his beloved one. Funny. A lifetime ago he would have denied that his human side even remained, a lifetime ago, he had claimed his demon was in control even when his human face showed. "Just me. It's only me." Because all of me is in love with you, he thought but didn't say._

_ "I know. She lifted her head to take his mouth again. "But don't think it matters. I love all of you- both parts. I trust both parts. I want to belong to both parts." She whimpered suddenly, and he felt her slick walls start their tremble. _

_ "And I want all of you, slayer and woman, your super strength and your normal self. I love you, both parts."_

_ "Here. Take care of this for me?" She twisted her neck slowly so he could see a bite scar on her neck. He knew it was from Angel, had heard how she'd almost died to give him her blood and save him when he'd been poisoned. And Angel hadn't wanted to, hadn't turned her, hadn't sired her, or claimed her. And she had loved him. _

_ "No, Pet." His human face slipped down and back to demon in a blink. "Not the same as Dru-"_

_ "I'm only yours. Own me. Claim me." She pulled his head low, looked into his amber eyes, speaking equally to the man inside as well as his demonic side. "Mark me as your mate, Spike, so no one else ever touches me again."_

_ His inhuman bellow shook the room, and neither of them even noticed how it reverberated. He plunged his cock in hard, making her lose control, and bit into her in the same second, wiping out her old scars and giving her fresh proof of his undying love. "Mine!" He demanded around a mouth full of her blood. _

_ "Ohh, God, yes. Yours!" She screamed out, her orgasmic bliss suddenly doubling, not from sensing his imminent release, but because she never knew a bite could feel so erotic. "Gimme!" She demanded, yanking his taut ivory veins to her lips. "You belong to me. Mine now!" She felt his demon urge her on, cry out for something dark inside her to come out and play, come out a love him back. She sliced into him easily and swallowed, not even tasting, just determined to complete this ritual. "Mine!"_

_ "Yes, Buffy, yours." He agreed, losing his last vestige of control._

_ It was like being inside her body and her brain all at once. The thoughts and sensations overwhelmed him, he could feel what it was like when he made her cum, how she always struggled not to lose control and then let it take her._

_ She could feel it. It was different from how her climax built. She tried deny it, he tried to hold it, not to prolong his pleasure, but to give her more of himself, and to resist breaking the connection for as long as he could. She could see all the flashes of his memories, all the times they'd had sex, and his stamina seemingly knew no bounds, all because he was dying inside, knowing that when it was done, when she had used him, he would be left alone._

_ "Never alone again." She comforted and he nodded. And his mind switched back to the recent months, the feelings of love and peace they had together, a heart knowing happiness for the first time in nearly a century. _

_ "You can see how much I love you, Baby?" He whispered, head wrenching back, shoulders stiffening, spine arching._

_ "Yes! See how much I love you?" She cried._

_ "God, yes!" He screamed it and he spilled._

_ "Oh, yes!" Her siren call rang alongside his and she exploded around him, acutely aware of him exploding inside her._

* * *

_ "You- are -a- lousy- witch." Xander, a bath towel and a pillow wrapped around his head to block the rumbling cries from the floors above, glared at Willow balefully._

_ "Mhmm." She whimpered, burrowing deeper under the quilt._

* * *

_ "You _what_?" Giles' shout poured through the lobby and made Buffy sink in her chair._

_ "Mr. and Mrs. for eternity, Rupes." Spike grinned cheekily. "And this as well." He held out Buffy's slender hand. _

_ "Holy shit! Is that golfball?" Xander gaped at the diamond._

_ "Oh! Oh wow!" Willow screeched and Dawn, though she'd seen it before, joined in._

_ "No, no, NO! I will not be distracted by this- how many karats is that?" Giles momentarily belied his words and stared in awe at the hunk of rock on Buffy's hand. "No, never mind! Claims are serious! You've practically doomed yourself to immortality! You can't be killed unless he's killed, and then only if its in unison with your death, and that's pretty hard to do!"_

_ "Ergo, she's pretty damn safe, right, Watcher?" Spike smiled and let out a relieved sigh as Giles backed up slightly, realizing the truth of his words._

_ "Er- yes, there is that." Giles rubbed his temples. "My world is crumbling."_

_ "Already did that. Your world was being sucked into the pit of hell? Remember that?" Buffy pointed out tersely. "You get a nice, new world. Free of charge, thanks to someone wearing a sacred talisman and _dying _for you?" Spike raised his hand in recognition. "And now we get to plan a life together. So there. End of story. Don't all of us have work to do? I thought we were leaving today?"_

_ Giles hugged the girl he considered his daughter close to his chest. "You're quite right. Con-congratulations."_

_ "Thank you. You'll still give me away?" She looked up at him hopefully._

_ "I will." Giles acquiesced, a gentle half-smile crossing his face. _

_ "And Dawn, Willow, will you be my maids of honor?" A fresh round of girly squealing caused the men of the party to wince and roll their eyes._

_ "And that means I've gotta be the best man, I know." Xander nodded, not meeting Spike's eyes._

_ "Guess so." Spike agreed, not looking at him. _

_ "Thank you! Thank you, Honey! Thank you, Xander!" Buffy hugged both men at once, hard, banging their skulls together in the process._

_ "Yeah, yeah." They both said, pulling away quickly. _

_ "No big thing." Xander huffed._

_ "It's not like I've got a lot of options!" Spike defended._

_ "So- wait. I missed some stuff yesterday." Dawn stopped bouncing and hugging long enough to peer at Giles and Buffy. "What are we doing? We're going to Vegas?"_

_ "Yeah. But first- an RV." Buffy said firmly._

_ "No!" Giles, Willow, Xander, and even Spike shouted._

_ "Sorry!" She backed off. " Okay, so a panel van? And something with really dark tinted windows."_

_ "Stop on the way and get some foil, will you?" Spike nodded to Giles._

_ "Yes. And some more blood. I need to go to the bank. And I'm sure we need some other essentials."_

_ "No need for the blood." Spike stroked Buffy's back tenderly, and noticed the shocked glances of her friends. "Oi! Had a pint of beef blood this morning!" He didn't feel the need to mention that only a couple sips of Buffy's nectar could keep him running for days. The beef blood was more to keep him full than anything else._

_ "Right. Willow, Xander, come with me." Giles determinedly ignored the blonde couple who were beginning to grope as they held onto each other. "Buffy. Buffy! Will you fill Dawn and Spike in on what they need to do? We'll pick up some things and bring the cars 'round. Willow, I trust you have some sort of mental list of necessities created?"_

_ "In my noggin." Willow smiled. "Laptops for all!" A silent gaze met her statement. "Uh- cell phones for all? Laptops for some?"_

_ "Sounds like a plan." Buffy laughed._

_ Three left and three remained. "Where in Vegas? Are we getting dresses? Are we getting shoes? Tuxes? Wedding rings and those little heart shaped lockets that you give maids of honor?" Dawn tore into the newly claimed couple without preamble._

_ "Yes to the dresses, yes to shoes, totally need the rings, I don't know if I can find lockets. Tuxes?" She directed her last word to Spike._

_ "If you want, Luv." Spike sighed._

_ "No tuxes. A nice black shirt- maybe one of those sexy silk vest things?"_

_ "A waistcoat? A vest is an undershirt, Luv. Think Giles'd stake me good an' proper if I met you at the altar in my skivvies."_

_ "I'm gonna go get them to open the business lounge." Dawn stood up abruptly. "We'll find everything we need online."_

_ "And you'd best find out what Red needs to make me look like Joe Normal, and confuse the registrar an' all."_

_ "The registrar? The guy who schedules classes?" Buffy asked with a confused frown._

_ "British thing. The registry office- what you lot call the place to hold a civil ceremony. The registrar is the official who makes it legal."_

_ "Oh, aren't you having a church wedding?" Dawn asked with pleading eyes. "'Cause that'd be so pretty!"_

_ "Bit- little problem with holy water and crosses." Spike reminded her with a derisive laugh. "Still, we could find one of the chapels that doesn't go heavy on the religious imagery and risk it."_

_ "I'll get them to open the lounge." Dawn repeated, gesturing to the glassed in room where four computers and a fax and printer sat. "This is the best research ever!"_

_ "Thanks, Dawn. I'll get some paper." Buffy smiled at Spike with a sense of deja vu. Once upon a time, in a spell-induced state, she'd sat on his lap, feeling warm and safe, with his arms around her, and they'd planned a wedding. And when the spell had broken, she'd felt lost and disgusted. Partly because of who her intended groom was, and partly because she'd wanted all those things so much, and she knew as a slayer she would never be allowed them._

_ "I'll help. Seem to recall I enjoyed this the last time." Spike pressed his lips softly to her hairline and led her in Dawn's wake._

* * *

_ Meanwhile, Xander and Giles trailed in Willow's path, talking in strained, hushed voices. "Do you think we should find a family cell phone plan and ask for six lines? Or should we do individual contracts?" She called over her shoulder, _

_ "Whatever you decide, your supreme geekliness." Xander answered in a falsely cheerful chirp. Then he turned back to Giles, speaking in a rushed undertone. "Giles, ease up. We're fine." _

_ "Neither of you are _fine_, and I don't think it wise to jump into a new and dangerous career in your heartbroken state!" Giles hissed._

_ "Jump into? Hello! Fighting the evil for seven years, over a couple thousand served at McSlayers." Xander said hotly._

_ "But you won't cope with your grief if there's something to distract you from it. You've got to deal, I know." He met Xander's hostile denial with a grave face. "Believe me- I do know."_

_ "Well, it might be easier to deal if Buffy and Bite Boy weren't tying the knot in our faces."_

_ "I agree the timing is poor- however, I also see that they have a point. In their dimension, they were - well- _imprisoned-_ for four years without any way to move time forward. Now that they're reunited I know they feel a sense of urgency to get things in motion. To us it's sudden." He sighed. "I can encourage them to wait, and I'm sure Buffy would be amenable-"_

_ His reaction was fiery and unexpected. "No! No waiting! You've got a grab it while it's there or it's gone. Or she's gone. She's just -gone-Giles." He suddenly wheezed, frozen in mid step, all the energy gone. They both knew he wasn't only speaking about Buffy. A broken man was looking out from a disfigured, yet still somehow boyish face._

_ "Here. I know." Giles held open his arms and Xander walked into them with a few halting steps. _

_ He said nothing at first, then began to speak in a low, desperate whisper. "She's not supposed to be gone! She- she always took care of herself. She knew how to stay alive, Giles! She can't be dead. She can't be!" His sobs started as a few tears and quickly reached the summit, Xander's head buried in Giles' shoulder. The older man hugged him tightly, British reserve fleeing in the face of need. _

_ "I know, son. Makes no sense." Giles saw Willow turn back at the sudden outburst and waved her over. She trotted over, a heartbroken expression on her face._

_ "Oh. Oh! Xander." She joined the hug. "Are you okay? No, no of course you aren't."_

_ "You're not so good either." Xander pulled himself together with an effort._

_ "Kennedy's not _gone _gone. She can come back if she wants. It's different when someone isn't-" Willow swallowed. "I'm so sorry, Xan."_

_ "It'll be okay." Xander lied. His two friends nodded, knowing it was just what you say, just the lie you tell yourself so you don't fall apart all the time. A lie you tell yourself so there's one minute in the day when you can forget how bad it hurts._

_ "It'll be okay." Willow echoed._

* * *

_ Xander, Willow and Giles returned shortly before noon. "It's a four hour jaunt to Las Vegas." Giles put down a road map on the table. "All the gear we bought is in the panel van. Xander covered all but the essential spaces with foil. Do we have a definitive plan for_ after _Vegas?"_

_ "Honeymoon?" Spike smiled. Buffy cast him a quick, annoyed glance. "Right. Once we're set up in- where was it?"_

_ "Wherever the coven finds the 'strongest locus point of evil energy'." Buffy recited Giles' words from yesterday. "Which still won't be a Hellmouth, so it should be sooo much easier._

_ "Yeah. That." Spike sniffed, steeling himself. He could be patient. He had her for eternity now. He could wait. "So, we'll take our little trip later, after we're all set up on the locus point thing."_

_ "What? No! You go- go have your honeymoon!" Willow insisted, wide-eyed and horrified looking._

_ "I agree! Please! Please, in the name of sweet mercy, go have a honeymoon in a place far, far away from us." Xander panicked._

_ "Why are you guys so -" Buffy felt a sharp jolt of satisfaction that was not her own. She turned to see her lover looking supremely pleased with himself and she heard his voice in her head, clearly as if he were whispering in her ear. 'We were awfully loud last night, Pet. 'Specially you. Cummin' like a banshee with her demon lover.' "I was not that loud!" Buffy yelped._

_ "Did I say that out loud?" Xander asked in a horrified whisper, looking nervously around, hand flying to his lips._

_ "No." Spike laughed. 'Gonna have to learn to speak back to me, from _inside_ your head, Luv.'_

_ "How do I do that?" Buffy turned to Spike, still speaking out loud._

_ "Do what?" Dawn asked._

_ 'It takes time. What we felt last night- soon it'll come natural, even when we're not havin' mind-numbin' orgasms and rippin' the sheets to shreds.'_

_ "You're really good at it already! How come you're better than me?" Buffy pouted._

_ "Oh, Kitten, come here, Luv. In no way am I better at it- jus' knew what to expect, is all." Spike answered out loud, opening his arms to Buffy, who looked genuinely unhappy with herself._

_ "Just a minute, stop and listen!" Xander said firmly. "You guys- there was like- invisible talking happening, without us being involved. I am _so_ confused."_

_ "The claim. They can communicate without words. Effectively, Spike and Buffy are linked physically, emotionally, mentally." Giles explained wearily._

_ "That's so cool!" Dawn cried._

_ "I agree." Spike smiled. _

_ "It's weird- but I like it." Buffy smiled softly, reaching for his hand. _

_ "Let's get the rest of our stuff." Willow interrupted the touching moment regretfully. "We have a four hour drive- ooh! Although I could totally put a spell on the cars that would make cops oblivious to us if we want to speed!"_

_ "Conserve your powers for good, Will." Xander encouraged. "Like making the undead pass inspection at the courthouse in Vegas." He slapped a palm to his forehead. "I just said that was for good. God, we are _so_ messed up."_

_ Buffy ignored his last comment. "Oh, no, not the courthouse. We picked the Chapel of the Flowers and we're going to see if we can get the Magnolia Chapel- oh we have so much to talk about! Will! You should drive with us in the van! We can talk about the dresses!"_

_ "Uh- can I please ride in the other car then?" Spike pleaded. He felt, rather than saw, the longing in his mate, wanting to be together as much as possible, and wanting him to be included. "Jus' kiddin', Pet. We've all got cell phones now, right? I'll have to call Xander and Giles on the way, let 'em know all about our boutonnieres and silk waistcoats." He threatened, watching the men put on expressions of forced interest._

_ "Let me just get my satchel full of books and the dossier of papers Angel gave me yesterday. Oh, and I'll need to call him, give him our new numbers, in case of emergency." Giles nodded to the assembled and walked off._

* * *

_ Thirty minutes later and they still weren't on the road. Xander sat in a black sedan with nearly illegally blackened windows, and Spike sat in the dark recesses of the panel van. "This is ridiculous! Come on!" Xander beeped his horn and shouted out the open window. _

_ "Bloody right!" Spike shouted his agreement from the van, aware that without opening the doors or windows, no one could really hear more than a muffled noise. He didn't feel like turning into a crispy critter, so opening anything was out. He concentrated hard for a moment, finding his mate. And stopped concentrating, too busy glowing that he had finally, after years of loving her, claimed her as his own. He could feel an answering beam of joy from somewhere near by, too far away to be clear, but close enough for him to get a sensation. 'Luv. Hurry up! The sooner you get in here, the sooner we can get our wedding off the ground. Mr. and Mrs., yeah?"_

_ Faintly, like a badly tuned radio, fading in and out, he felt her reply. "Just- coming..." And he laughed to himself, because he knew, that somewhere in the hotel, Buffy was talking aloud to thin air._

* * *

_ Finally, they emerged, Buffy and Dawn looking somewhat less perky than usual. "Trouble?" Spike asked, shifting to avoid sunlight as they entered the van._

_ "No, we thought we'd try to call my dad. Just to see if he could meet us for lunch or something." Buffy shrugged._

_ "And?" He prodded. She gave another noncommittal jerk of her petite shoulders._

_ "He's in Europe. With the current secretary, and the temp didn't know how to contact them." She passed out some sodas and crunchy snacks she'd gotten from the snack machines, travel food. "No big." Spike bit back a sardonic laugh. No big. How neatly she put her father's complete lack of involvement. _

_ "I'm not surprised." Dawn said bitterly. "He didn't even turn up for Mom's funeral, why should he come to lunch?"_

_ Spike's eyes hardened. "Well, it's his loss. More of the Summers' girls to myself." He wrapped his arms around Dawn as she crawled into the back to put her shopping bags of new clothes inside. Buffy smiled at him gratefully and popped out to the other car, distributing snacks to Xander and Giles. " 'Sides, Watcher's all prepped to do the fatherly thing today." He gave her a half smile. "Don't worry, Bit. Big brother's not gonna run out on you."_

_ "I know." She whispered. And then stared at him hard. "Try it and you'll get a flaming arrow in the heart." _

_ "That's my girl." He chuckled._

* * *

_ Willow drove the first leg, with Dawn up front, and Buffy curled up in the back beside him, head on his chest, driving him crazy with her nearness. Not to mention the fact that she kept running her fingertips over his brand new claim mark, making him purr and shift uncomfortably in his seat, wishing his jeans came with an escape hatch._

_ His own fingers teased and worried the reddened punctures on her neck, making her whimper inside, which of course he could hear. 'Not stoppin'. You're drivin' me mad, an' I'm returnin' the favor.' He told her with his thoughts._

_ "I think pink dresses for us." Dawn chirped, oblivious to the internal struggles of the couple behind her._

_ "What? No!" Willow and Spike cried as one._

_ "Too frilly." Spike curled his lips in distaste._

_ "Not with my hair!" Willow yelped. Dawn and Buffy began to squabble._

_ "How about forest green?" Spike suggested, breaking into the argument. "For your eyes, Pet."_

_ "No." Buffy replied softly. "I mean, it's a good idea, but- Anya and Xander had green dresses."_

_ "Oh." He squeezed her tighter against him. "I'm sorry. I- forgot. I was there, but not really there, if you recall." She did. She had broken it off with him almost immediately before the event, and he turned up with some rebound chic and a broken heart._

_ "Sorry." She replied, pressing herself into him more deeply. "How about basic black? It looks good on everyone, and then we can use the dresses again?"_

_ "With strappy silver sandals." Dawn tacked out enthusiastically. Willow groaned. "Silver flats for some?" Willow smiled in relief._

_ "Where do we get all this from?" Willow asked. "All the dresses and flowers? Are you getting your hair done?"_

_ "It's Vegas. They have two businesses. Weddings and gambling. They have huge stores devoted to nothing but one-stop-shopping for weddings." Buffy smiled cheerfully and Dawn and Willow went back to talking, voices dropping. "Ooh, some people are keeping secrets!" She teased, trying to sit up and hear them better. Spike held her fast._

_ "I'm sorry." Spike whispered in her ear._

_ "For what?" She asked, surprised. _

_ "Not bein' able to give you a proper weddin'." _

_ "You're the groom, I'm the bride. We'll have dresses and flowers and handsome tux-like things. All my _real_ family will be there. That's proper as it gets." She smiled up at him, eyes weary but content. "We get to get married. That's a miracle in itself."_

_ "You are amazin', Buffy." He kissed the golden locks he had so often dreamt of tangling his fingers in, delighting he now could. He smiled with the sudden peace she always seemed to afford him. "Bloody wonderful an' amazin'."_

* * *

He held her back against his chest in the shower, whispering in her ear. "Amazing."

"I agree." She hung her head bashfully. "Is it always that good?"

"I don't know, Sweetie. Not particularly experienced there." He admitted, pulling her gently down with him, sitting her in his lap as the water cascaded over them. He couldn't bear to let her go, stop touching her. This perfect being, this fire in a vulnerable human shell. "You blow my mind, Ess."

"I blow everything." She teased and he let out a low laugh against her shoulder. She cleared her throat, holding his hand in hers, tracing the pale sinewy fingers with care. "You- you have to know without any doubt now. Don't you?" She whispered. _What_ he knew was left unsaid, but they understood perfectly. He would know she trusted him. You couldn't do that without trust. You had to let go of any inhibitions and be totally relaxed. You can only do something like that with the person who you think of as an extension of yourself.

"I do." He nodded. "And you can tell now- can't you, that I would never hurt you?"

"I knew that before, or I wouldn't have let you do it." She confirmed. His arms tightened around her, and she felt his lips work along her shoulder blade. "Jim?"

"Yes, Precious?" He replied reverently.

"I'm not tired. I mean, I know we only got a little bit of sleep, and we promised Sully we'd go spend the day at the beach. But I'm-" she led his hand from her waist to her sodden folds. "Last night was so good, but I'm missing something..."

"You need me inside?" He smiled into her hair. God, this was as good as it got. "Mmhmm." She rotated to face him, easily straddling him with her flexible limbs and lowering herself down onto his reawakened member.

"I'm never going to get enough of you, Ess." He looked up at her in awe. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah. But that's good." She sank onto him until there was nothing left to take, and hugged him, cleavage framing that chiseled jaw line that she wanted to devour with a thousand little nips and touches. "I can't get enough of you either, Jimmy." She squeezed him hard with her taut muscles. "I'm yours."

He pumped in her once, making her moan. "I'm yours." He echoed. "And you're all mine."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	13. Chapter 13

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: Serious mushiness and mild smut ahead. Also a ton of detail and wordiness. Just warning you. 75% Spuffy content. It's someone's big day..._

_Dedicated to Ginar369, Omslagspapper, Jewel74, Alexiarrose, D3n3B, Sweetie Dreams, and Jessifanfic. _

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine. **_

**Part XIII**

_"I can drive! I drove back to Sunnydale after I knocked Xander out with a taser thingy!" Dawn was arguing with Willow, her determined whine waking Buffy and Spike from their much needed slumber._

_ "You drove from a deserted desert to a deserted town! You could drive down the middle of the road if you wanted, Dawnie, but now we're on a majorly crowded highway!"_

_ "Plus, you just admitted using a taser on Xander." Buffy said with a grumpy frown. _

_ "An' I say she should get to drive all the bloody way home for that!" Spike praised. An all out argument was avoided by Buffy's new cell phone ringing._

_ "Oh! It's Xander!" She sounded thrilled._

_ "An' who else would it be, Luv? Exactly five other people have our numbers, and three of 'em are in this car." He groaned sarcastically. She punched his knee and answered the phone._

_ "Giles says he needs to take a turn driving, or he's going to, and I quote, 'Do a raving nana on this flamin' car'. So can we please stop? 'Cause I don't even wanna know what that is."_

_ "Okay. There's a rest stop in 2 miles. Ooh, frozen yogurt smoothies! Definite pit stop." Buffy agreed, reading off a green highway sign._

_ "Fine." Spike sighed, struggling back into his duster despite the late afternoon heat. "I'll drive the next part. Bit, you sit up front, next to me. I'll teach you how to drive, an' this counts as lesson the first. Buffy-" he gazed firmly at his future bride, "you learn next." He swallowed his smile as he watched the sisters exchange fearful looks. Ha. He'd seen them battle demons straight from hell, and they were afraid of a few measly cars. And on the other hand- he'd seen his blonde bombshell demolish entire armies- but trip over her own feet and take out large pieces of furniture. Bloody hell. At least the car was a rental. _

* * *

_"Pull. Over. Now." Spike ground his teeth together, his finger tips biting into the car's vinyl dashboard, hard enough to leave grooves. "Red! Stop shriekin'! Everyone's fine." Spike bodily tossed Dawn from the driver's seat to the back, thanking God for red lights. "Now. That wasn't too bad."_

_ "Not too bad? Not too bad?" Buffy clambered up to sit beside him, accidentally on purpose stepping on Dawn's feet. "She just drove the wrong way down a one way street- at 60 miles per hour!" _

_ "Sorry!" Dawn cried._

_ "It doesn't matter!" Willow's voice was filled with happy relief. "Look! " She pointed to a bright neon sign. "Welcome to Vegas!"_

* * *

_Via many disjointed conversations on the phone and in their respective cars, all of them found their way to a hotel near the chosen chapel. After unloading enough for an overnight stay, everyone but the bride and groom got rooms. Willow and Xander had exchanged enough pained glances as they stood by the cars in the dusky evening air to tip off a very bright red Buffy that she and her honey should find accommodations someplace else. Spike looked thrilled with that idea._

_ "The main thing is that you get your license. Willow, you have what you need to hold a glamour in place for Spike, long enough for them to look at his identification?"_

_ "Yeah- I just need to hold the card right before they ask for it, okay?" Willow looked nervous. She took the fake ID card and practiced casting an image of Spike over the other photograph._

_ "C'mon Will, this is a piece of cake for you." Xander encouraged as the image floundered._

_ "Yeah, but- it's Buffy! If I mess up, then I'm responsible for ruining her wedding, and by extension her life, and maybe all of our lives, and she might die of a broken heart like that girl in La Boheme!" Willow had almost doubled up in her anxiety. "I think I'm gonna barf." She concluded pitifully._

_ "That was consumption." Giles corrected absently, eyes trying to focus in a haze of flashing lights._

_ "You'll do fine." Buffy squeezed her friend. "Oh. Sorry, Will, shouldn't have hugged you so hard." Willow made a sick face and nodded, waving the apology away. Buffy continued. "We'll go get the license. I don't know how long the line will be, so we'll call you when we have it, then the shopping can begin." Xander nodded silently, looking miserable. "Xander- do you maybe want to-"_

_ "I'm coming with you guys." He smiled bravely. "I always said I'd be by your side in the end, Buffy. And you're pretty much getting sucked into a whole new kind of hell-" Spike gave him the two-fingered salute, which he ignored, "so I figure my place is with you."_

_ "Well, you're my only sister! I'm coming with you!" Dawn pointed out as if it were the most obvious thing in the world._

_ "I'm the father of the bride, as it were. If I remember rightly, I'm supposed to tag along, get in the way, and swoon?"_

_ "And cry manly tears. Also complain about the prices." Buffy took his arm and looked up at him with childish affection. "Thanks, 'Dad'."_

_ "Damn." Giles wiped his eye, a stricken expression on his face. "It's started already..."_

* * *

_ After getting the license and a fast-food dinner, the motley band was finally ready to take on the challenge of pulling together a wedding ensemble in only a few hours. They headed to a "bridal superstore" where everything for any conceivable ceremony was contained in one extremely chintzy area. The Sweethearts Bridal Store was half as big as the entire Sunnydale Mall. "I feel like an insignificant speck in the cosmos of formal wear..." Xander said, turning this way and that to look at the seemingly endless rows of everything bridal._

_ "You are an insignificant speck." Spike snorted, inhaling deeply on a cigarette before entering the store. "You lot go start the great posh frock hunt, Buffy and I need to take a detour." Spike took her arm and led her away, following signs that said "Jewelry" in gilt letters._

_ "You must have paid a fortune for the engagement ring." Buffy murmured lovingly as she gazed at her diamond-studded band. "Let me buy these."_

_ "No, Kitten. The man buys the jewels in this family. You just relax. Concentrate on findin' something even half as lovely as you are to wear tonight." _

_ "What- happens after tonight?" Buffy clung to his arm. _

_ "Thought maybe we'd go get a bridal suite until dusk falls tomorrow- then we head to one of the major cities where the nightlife suits us." He could read her sudden apprehension by looking at her face, but could also feel it swirling namelessly in her mind. "We don't need to go now. I know I was the one sayin' we did, but you're worried about Bit. An' we didn't know Xander and Red would lose their partners, one way or another."_

_ "No. No ,I need to let them survive without me. They did it before." She said with a brave nod._

_ "That wasn't survivin', Luv. That was simply not dyin'," He took her hand possessively. "I'll give you a hundred years to see this world, Buffy. Maybe more if we're careful, stay off the sunny beaches," he laughed, " I can wait. Would've waited a lifetime for you. Would've waited a thousan' lifetimes. I love you like that."_

_ They browsed the vast collection of bands as he spoke, not really seeing more than a glint of hundreds of pieces of precious metal, eyes focusing on each other. "Somehow knowing you would wait- makes me feel very right about doing things now." She breathed, her lips brushing his chin as she looked up at him. _

_ He shuddered, eyes closing, lips parting in a hiss of longing. "That's 'cause you're the most contradictory woman alive, Slayer."_

_ "Bite me." She purred, knowing that between them, it was no longer an insult._

_ "Find a ring, an' quickly, so I _can_." He could smell the heady mix of blood and slickness pooling in her lower reaches. "Oh. You like that idea, don't you?" She tilted her head seductively. "Naughty kitty." He tightened his grip on her, now using her hip bone as his handle. _

_ "It's not naughty- is it?" She asked, eyes suddenly widening, breathing speeding up._

_ "Not between us. And yes, between us. Hell, I dunno, Pet. Just know I want to do it, too. Want you to give back what I give you." He took her hand and traced it over the puckered outline of her teeth on his skin. She leaned back into him, hands grabbing, mouths colliding hungrily_

_ "Get a room!" An older woman shouted suddenly._

_ "Hey!" Spike shouted, head flying apart from Buffy's. He prepared to defend them from insult, and found her laughing helplessly._

_ "I told you! I told you we'd be the couple people tell to get a room!" She giggled infectiou__sly, wiping out his anger._

_ "Yes, you did. You win. Oi!" Spike beckoned a clerk over to them. "Rings. Two. One to go with this." He held out Buffy's hand, nearly blinding the young woman who attended to them. "And make it quick."_

* * *

_ "What took you so long?" Dawn demanded almost an hour later when Buffy finally rejoined her and Willow in the acre of bridal dresses._

_ "Uh- got caught up, so, so many rings to look at." Buffy lied with a shrug. The actual ring picking out took about 10 minutes once they focused. Simple white gold bands, hers wreathed with tiny diamond chips, his plain. No, it took so long because it turned out, to her intense shame, that she liked watching Spike 'negotiate' the price. She thought for sure any minute he would vamp, but he didn't. Turned out he could argue a person into submission. Well, as long as that person wasn't her. And then she'd picked out little silver heart shaped lockets for the girls, and Spike stopped off to buy cigars for the men- his own idea surprisingly. Or maybe not so surprisingly. Maybe if they had treated him with respect from the moment he'd tried to be good, maybe-_

_ Willow broke into her reverie. "Look, Buffy's gone all soft and dreamy, misty. The bride-to-be." Buffy let Willow gush, it didn't matter if she was completely wrong about her motives for looking faraway and reflective. The point was that she was the bride-to-be, and she needed a dress. Fast._

* * *

_"D'you think I should get the plain black or the pinstripe?" Giles turned slowly in the mirror. "And put out the cigarette! You'll get us thrown out!"_

_ "I haven't had a smoke in four and half bleedin' years, and once I'm livin' with two humans I'm quittin'. At least mostly. Not foolin' with cancer. Not after Joyce." _

_ "But you don't mind if _we_ get blackened lungs?" Xander demanded. In reply, Spike blew a long trail of smoke from his nose, straight at Xander's face._

_ "Not really, no." Spike grinned evilly and stubbed out his cigarette under the heel of his boot._

_ "Could we please focus on the issue at hand? Does the bride's father wear plain black, or pinstripe?" Giles' voice raised to dangerous levels. _

_ "Pinstripe." Xander and Spike said as one, and then looked at each other in horror._

_ "Oh no. I agreed with him again." Xander moaned._

_ "Purely accidental, cheer up." Spike muttered from the corner of his mouth._

_ Xander tucked his white shirt more firmly into his black pants, and then started on the black silk vest's buttons. Spike's vest, (or waistcoat as he and Giles termed it) was identical, but he was wearing a black button up shirt and hadn't changed his jeans in honor of dress trousers. And whereas Giles and Xander had white rosebuds ready to tuck into their button holes, and Giles was even sporting a narrow tie, Spike had picked a blood red rosebud, so dark the edges were almost black. He didn't really plan on wearing it for long. It was a gift, a rose as red as blood for his wife, his mate, his rose, his everything._

* * *

_"What are we gonna do about pictures?" Buffy suddenly cried. Dawn almost choked on a mouth full of bobby pins and Willow dropped the rose she was waiting to put in Buffy's hair._

_ "They have photographers at the chapel." Willow soothed. Dawn spat out one more bobby pin and went back to Buffy's up-do._

_ "But hold still!" Dawn tugged her squirming sister back into place. "And don't blame me if you have spit in your hair now!"_

_ "Vampire! No reflection! Don't you need mirrors to capture images in a camera? Or was that microwaves?" Buffy looked to Willow for an answer._

_ "No, it was cameras." Willow sighed. "But video cameras should be okay. We could see Spike on that video camera in the magic shop when he-" Willow hastily derailed the sentence as she realized there was no good way to conclude it. "That camera might have been something really hi-tech, and I'm not sure what kind of video equipment the chapel has. At least you'll be able to hear him. That'd be neat. You could hear your vows whenever you want."_

_ "Oh my God! Vows! I forgot to think of any!" Buffy spun, and Dawn threw up her hands, showering them with bobby pins._

_ "I give up." Dawn plucked the slightly bruised white rose from Willow's hands, plunked it above Buffy's ear, and kissed her cheek. "You look great- amazingly."_

_ "So do you. All grown up." Buffy stopped her frantic circling long enough to really look at her sister. Her face was flawless, without any effort, but she had just enough makeup on to make her seem carefully polished. Her hair was long and flowing. The simple black dress hugged her just above the waist and clung down to her knees. She was perfect, sophisticated, but innocent looking. "Beautiful." She whispered, eyes filling again._

_ "No! No crying, please no crying! Eye makeup, raccoon look, white dress, bad!" Willow, in an outfit identical to Dawn's, though her hair was up in a simple twist, hurriedly fished out a wad of tissues and held them under Buffy's eyes as if she could catch the tears before they did any damage. Buffy laughed, sniffed in, and hugged both of her attendants._

_ "Good point. Well, I guess I just have one more thing to get on the way out. Do you think I can come up with some vows in the car?"_

_ "Do you want to talk it over with Spike? So they match?" Dawn asked._

_ "I can't see him. It's bad luck for us to see each other until the wedding, now that I'm in my dress." Buffy bit her lip and looked down at herself. "Wow. Look at me. Bridal Buffy, complete with accessories." She smoothed her hand over the strapless white bodice, trailing down to the full white skirt. "Does it look too poofy? I don't want to look too Cinderella."_

_ "You look fine." Willow said firmly, straightening the skirt with a few tugs. "Get whatever else it is you need, Dawn and I will pick up the bouquets and meet you at the car. Once we're on the way, you can call Spike and talk to him about any details. Oh, give me the valet stub."_

_ "I have it." Dawn fished a little slip out of her bra and passed it to Willow, who took it gingerly. "Oh, come on! You kept yak cheese in your bra for a spell once! That's just a little piece of paper!"_

_ "Sounds like a plan." Buffy smiled, ignoring the last exchange, and headed out of the dressing room, walking carefully, skirt held up high, laughing to herself because at least two dozen other women of every shape and size were doing the same thing in various styles of bridal gowns. She waited until Willow and Dawn were safely headed to the florist area and headed to the lingerie area. Something simple and white. Yeah, because she was so virginal... Spike would probably laugh himself sick when he saw her in anything remotely bridal. _

But he won't. Because he loves me so much. He said I was pure, not innocent. He said I was strong. He said I'm his. _She laughed softly to herself and pulled a long white silk gown off a hanger. _I'm wearing whatever the hell I want.

* * *

_"You've got the rings?" Spike asked for the tenth time._

_ "Yes!" Xander resisted the urge to kill the groom. Probably bad luck or something. "Giles! Can you please get off the phone and come back in the van! I'm getting ready to stake Captain Peroxide and I think it'd kind of piss Buffy off!"_

_ "I'm on a call to Robson! Do shut up and be civil for just five more minutes!"_

_ "You're sure you have the rings?" Spike asked, more to be a pain than out of genuine concern. The bricklayer wouldn't let down his girl, she was one of his best friends._

_ "Yes! Yes, a thousand times, yes!" Xander clenched his fists. Then a look of realization passed over his face. "Oh! Spike!" It was a panicked cry and Spike leapt to his feet, hitting his head smartly on the van's roof._

_ "You bloody pillock! You've lost them!"_

_ "No! We didn't get- but maybe you already have? Or maybe she has, but I wouldn't really know, cause we aren't close like that. Her and I, I mean! _Or_ you and I!" _

_ "You havin' a stroke, mate?" Spike bent down, squinting at him, hand extending. "D'you want some water or somethin'?"_

_ "Condoms!" Xander glared at him._

_ Spike backed up like he'd been burned. "GILES! Boy Wonder's had a stroke!"_

_ "Shh! Do you and Buffy- you know, use protection?" Xander hissed, looking faintly green as he forced himself to ask the way too personal question._

_ "I'm dead, not diseased! An' my swimmers don't swim." Spike cranked his shoulders roughly in irritation, then smoothed down his waistcoat, talking but not looking at Xander anymore. "What the hell d'you think we did all those times after her shift at the burger joint or during patrol, or in the lawn, stopped off for a three pack of rubbers before gettin' down to it?"_

_ "The lawn? The LAWN at her house? I've sat in that lawn!" Xander held up his hands. "Please don't say anything else. I have bad, bad images in my head now." He shook his head, tapping it lightly with one hand, as if trying to persuade the horrific mental picture of Buffy and Spike rolling around on the grass to get out of his head. He let out a steadying sigh. "Okay. Nothing missing for your wedding night, then."_

_ "Nope." Spike reached for another cigarette and Xander taunted him._

_ "Big bag vampire nervous about tying the knot?"_

_ "No!" He denied hotly. "Impatient." He gave Xander a feral smile and took a long drag. Breathing out a soft hiss of smoke, he began to croon absently to himself. "I'm gettin' married in the mornin'. Ding-dong the bells are gonna chime..."_

* * *

_"Ummm. Love. Honor. Respect. Protect. Defend. Ughh! Will! I can't use those words, can I? That sounds like a policeman's oath!"_

_ "Call Spike." Dawn entreated as Willow drove towards the chosen wedding chapel._

_ "No! I can do this myself!" Buffy set her jaw and crossed her arms. "He's really good with words, Dawn. I just want, for once in my life, to say something good. That I thought of myself. That wasn't induced by blinding terror or impending death."_

_ "Just talk from your heart." Willow smiled at them in the rearview mirror. "Your heart will know what to say."_

* * *

_There were about six couples in front of them at the Magnolia Chapel. Buffy, Willow, and Dawn went in first, checking to make sure there weren't tons of crosses, holy water fonts, or mirrors, which there weren't, thank goodness. Everything was plain, simple, small. The chapel proper had pretty beige marble walls and floors, stand alone white plaster pillars, magnolia covered trellises lining the walls, and a vine covered archway in the front. There was a large "waiting area" of sorts that connected the various chapels housed in the Chapel of the Flowers complex, where people attended to the business end of things and bridal parties could prepare before going into their chosen spot for the ceremony. Buffy and Dawn went off to touch up anything that needed touching up in the brides' rest area. Willow took care of the paperwork and arranged to have the ceremony video taped._

_ Xander and Giles cautiously poked their heads in, relievedly waving Willow over. "Is it safe for the groom to come in?"_

_ "Not yet." Willow fumbled with her purse and a clipboard. "We need to get them to make music and ceremony selections. Here-" She handed the clipboard to Xander. "Wow. You two. You look so debonair." Giles smiled and twirled the stud in his ear with a pleased blush. Xander leaned over and kissed her cheek._

_ "You look amazing."_

_ "Willow, can you help me-" Buffy emerged with Dawn and stopped as she felt the admiring eyes of her two friends on her. "Hi." She smiled bashfully._

_ "Buffy." Giles walked over to her like a man in a dream. "I- look at you- I'm speechless."_

_ "And that's pretty hard to achieve." Xander took her hands. "You look perfect. Beyond perfect. If I had two eyes, Buff, I'd probably have been blinded by you. As it is, the whole 'one-eye' thing is working in my favor just now." Only Anya was more beautiful in a wedding dress, he thought, and hurriedly put down the thought before his facade could crack. He'd ruined Anya's wedding. Maybe for a good reason, but also because he had told himself that he'd have another chance, someday, later on, he'd be ready. And now he knew you didn't get second chances most of the time. Buffy and Spike had. He wouldn't let anything stop Buffy from seizing what made her happy, even if it hurt him, even if he didn't really like it._

_ "You both- look incredible." Buffy stopped speaking, an awed and trembling smile gracing her glowing face. "I'm so happy. I just realized it. I'm really, truly happy. For the first time in a long, long time." She stammered._

_ "No crying!" Dawn ordered. "Not until after the ceremony." She hugged both men gingerly, everyone being careful not to crush flowers or smush hair. "Where's Spike?"_

_ "In the foyer. Or outside smoking." Xander jerked his head in the general direction behind him. _

_ "Go keep him company?" Buffy asked Dawn, who nodded eagerly and tripped lightly away on her heels._

* * *

_"Niblet." Spike sounded relieved as a familiar face peered out the door._

_ Dawn slid into the foyer, taking in the bleached blonde perched on a decorative bench. "Look at you." She whispered in awe, feeling an old stirring of her girlish crush over take her._

_ "Look at _you_." He said appreciatively. "If Buffy even looks half as beautiful as you-"_

_ "Oh, she looks a gazillion times more beautiful." Dawn replied with easy confidence. "Okay-so they have all these forms to fill out, and there were a bunch of people ahead, but we have our names in. Did you write vows?"_

_ "Vows?" Spike blinked. "Vows? Dammit! Vows!" He raked his hands through his hair._

_ "It's okay, Buffy didn't either." Dawn comforted, grabbing his arm. "Don't mess up your hair." _

_ "Well, that doesn't matter! I have to-"_

_ "No. You just speak from your heart. Willow says your heart will know what to say." Dawn tenderly smoothed his hair back down as he hung his head._

_ "It did the other night." Spike mumbled to himself, placing a hand over his silent chest. Dawn paused, then thrust a phone into his hand._

_ "What?" He asked absently, taking the phone from her slender fingers._

_ "Call Buffy. You have to decide about music and stuff."_

_ "Okay." He quickly dialed her number, it being one of the instant contacts on Dawn's phone. Warmth flooded through him when he heard her voice, muffled though it was by the sounds of many others in the waiting area. "Hi, Luv."_

_ "Hi." Her voice was shy and sweet for a second before snapping back to business. "I just chose the traditional wedding music. I don't know any of the other songs on here, although Willow is telling me she wants her and Dawn to walk down to Pachelbel's Canon."_

_ "That's fine." He smiled into the phone. he listened as she rattled off other questions, not really hearing, not really caring. He didn't care if the official was an ordained minister or just a civil servant, he didn't care if they used flash photography or wanted guests to speak during the ceremony. He cared that he'd get his Buffy at the end of it all. His ears finally perked up when she asked him about the "introduction". "What the bleedin' hell is an introduction doin' in the wedding? Thought that had to do with essays?"_

_ "You know, at the end of the ceremony? They say 'I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride'? Then they say 'I introduce to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. something'. What do we put down? You signed the form Spike William."_

_ "Why don't we go with Mr. and Mrs. William Summers? Sounds nice and dignified. Better than Mr. and Mrs. William the Bloody. We'll tell 'em Spike is a nickname, which it is, and they'd believe that unless they're completely daft."_

_ "But- Summers is _my _name." She whispered. _

_ "You don't want to share, Pet?" He felt a momentary gnawing sadness. _

_ "No, of course I do! I just figured you'd want me to use your real last name."_

_ Spike turned away from Dawn, sadness replaced with pride that she would even consider taking his name. "I know the Watcher knows this, and it is on record in all his dusty old books, but don't tell another living soul what I'm about to say to you." He looked furtively over his shoulder and dropped his voice to a ghost of a whisper. "My last name was Pratt. Didn't mean quite what it means now. D'you want to go about saddled with a name like Buffy Pratt?"_

_ "Oh God. No, actually, I don't." She tried to restrain her giggles and fanned herself as she felt almost overcome by laughter. "Summers it is."_

_ "Good. Now, how much longer?" _

_ "There's only two couples ahead of us now. I'm going to go sit in the bride's waiting area with the girls. You can come in a couple minutes, okay? The official wants to talk to each of us first."_

_ "Why?" Spike had a sudden surge of panic. _

_ "Just procedure, I guess. Just don't mention the fact that you're a vampire and we should be fine."_

_ "Ha bloody ha." He shook his head. "I won't mention it. You'd best cover up your new love bites though."_

_ "Already taken care of. Dawn's pretty skilled with liquid foundation." Buffy looked around her. Willow, Giles, and Xander were milling around behind her, carrying on a whispered conversation and bursting into laughter periodically. "I love you." She whispered._

_ "I love you, too." He replied, letting his mind reach out and stroke hers comfortingly. _

_ "Hey! Stop that! I'm thinking about my dress!" She gasped into the phone, as well as struggled to say mentally. _

_ "Sorry, Pet. You go an' hide. I'll be there soon."_

* * *

_The classical music began. Oh, yes, Pachelbel, played at every bloody wedding in the last century. Didn't matter. The dark wooden doors sprang open, and Dawn came in, beaming wide enough to crack her face in half. Spike stood up beside the officiant, a nice older man. Probably a dyed-in-the-wool cynic about love, Spike chortled internally. But certainly carried his show well, and that was all that mattered for the evening. Beside him stood Xander, who was doing an unconscious self pat-down every few seconds to make sure he had the ring boxes._

_ Then Red. Sniffing and crying into her little bouquet of white roses and ferns and baby's breath. He felt Xander tense beside him, heaving a sad sigh, and before he could stop himself, Spike gave him a bracing pat on the arm. The brunette set his jaw and forced a smile to the front. _

_ The music changed and he swore he could feel his heart magically come back to life. He sucked in a lungful of air and waited to see if it would involuntarily go back out. It didn't. Still dead. Amazing how alive she made him feel. "Here we go." He whispered and Xander leaned over to whisper in his ear._

_ "You are the luckiest bastard, living or dead."_

_ "I know." Spike leered. A little white figure came into view, on the arm of an extremely regal and dignified looking middle aged man, obviously trying to remain in control of his emotions. Spike didn't give a damn for self-control or facade at this point. His angel was walking towards him. A vision in white, delicate and glowing. She doesn't belong with a creature like me, he admitted to himself for perhaps the millionth time._

_ 'I do so!' Buffy's voice screamed inside him suddenly and his jaw dropped. _

_ 'Look at you. I never saw anything so lovely.'_

_ 'Not so bad yourself, gorgeous. And besides, you _always_ tell me I'm the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, even when I wore that stupid orange striped uniform.'_

_ 'I meant it. It's you. _You're_ the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.'_

_ "Who giveth this woman?" The official interrupted their silent exchange._

_ "I do. On behalf of her family and friends." Giles bent and kissed her cheek, before passing her along to stand in the crook of Spike's arm._

He's talking. I know I should pay attention. But I'm too busy being terrified I'll wake up. _Buffy gripped Spike's hand in a furious crunch. He would not disappear. All of this would not disappear. _

_ 'I'm here, Luv. Really here.' Spike reassured._

_ "Spike and Buffy have chosen to say their own vows." _

_ "We're at the vows already?" Buffy gasped aloud, making her friends laugh and Spike bite down a grin. "Right, Vegas, home of the speedy ceremony." Xander held out the rings, a single tear on his cheek, a trembling smile on his mouth. _

_ 'I love you. I'll always love you an' I'm not leavin' you, come any apocalypse they throw at us, I'm stayin' with you.' Spike told her through his thoughts as he slipped the ring over her finger, nudging it down to rest on her engagement ring. He felt her words jumping around inside him, merging with his, and felt his own churning inside her. 'The heart will know' they agreed, still unspeaking. Buffy was silent for a second, swallowing a wave of emotion as she pressed the ring onto his hand, marveling again that this man, possessed of such power, such love of violence, love of blood and battle, would change for her, had offered her his hand with love and friendship._

_ Xander shot Willow an incredulous look as the silence suddenly broke and the bride and groom began speaking in unison. "Did you do that?" He mouthed. Willow shook her head and shrugged. Dawn pointed to her neck and mimed biting. Giles nodded emphatically and then waved his hand, jerking his head to the videographer behind them. They all quickly composed themselves and paid attention to the bridal couple again._

_ "I promise to love you. I promise to always be with you. I promise to protect you. I promise to honor you, cherish you, respect you, and defend you. I promise not to hurt you. I promise to make you happy. I promise to give you hope." Spike and Buffy said as one, their own thoughts and ideas creating the mingled vows they made. There was a pause, and then she was in his arms completely, her arms thrown over his shoulders, tiptoes barely touching the floor, kissing him and not caring if the whole world saw. _

_ The officiant never got to say "You may kiss the bride." The cheers erupted and the couple had a death grip on one another anyway. The man smiled indulgently and shrugged. "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may keep on kissing the bride." Spike gave him a thumbs up with the one hand that wasn't holding onto Buffy. The videographer, who also served as sound man, cued up the recessional. The party clapped as "Mr. and Mrs. William 'Spike' and Elizabeth 'Buffy' Summers" were introduced for the first time._

_ "EEE!" Dawn's shrilly joyous yell finally brought Buffy and Spike to their senses and they laughed, clasped hands, and walked down the aisle. In typical Vegas style, once they were out of the chapel proper, they ended up at a cash register. The digital videos of the ceremony were already converting to keepsake discs, and licenses were waiting to be signed by themselves and witnesses. Xander and Willow were the designated people on record, both having a completely human and non-sketchy past. Giles firmly pushed in front of them as Spike was digging his wallet from his jeans. _

_ "The bride's family pays." He stated. _

_ "Well, as I'm a right wicked and greedy man, I'll take you up on it." Spike smiled. "Thanks, Rupes." Giles coughed and muttered something under his breath, ignoring him. _

_ "Come on! We have a surprise!" Willow and Xander tugged Buffy, who in turn tugged Spike, out the door. Giles settled the bill, and Dawn, with unusual responsibility, got the discs, and license, then the two of them followed the foursome outside. The sky was midnight blue, although it wasn't quite midnight. The lights of Vegas caused the air to twinkle and pulsate. _

_ "We're going to par-tay!" Xander grabbed Dawn's narrow waist and did a little twirl. "We've got reservations at a club, and a cake waiting in a private room."_

_ "Xander! That was the surprise part!" Willow bopped him on the head with her bouquet, causing a few petals to land on his ears._

_ "That's okay!" Buffy cut in between Dawn and Xander and hugged her best friend. "I don't need any surprises! I've got all of you!"_

* * *

_The party lasted until shortly before sunrise. Buffy thought the club might have tried to throw them out at two in the morning, and she had vague recollection of Spike and Xander stepping into the hall with the manager and returning five minutes later, looking shifty and saying a fresh round of drinks would be right up. She danced. She danced with all the men in the group, pointing out happily that for the first time in a long time there was an even number of boys and girls._

_ But all good things must come to an end, that's how different good things begin. Dawn, Xander, Willow, and Giles were going to head back to their hotel. Spike and Buffy would take the sedan, already filled with their odds and ends, to find their own accommodations._

_ "You promise you'll call as soon as you hear from the coven about the locust point?" Buffy pleaded with Giles._

_ "Locus point. Yes. I swear it." He smiled._

_ "And- and you'll make sure one of you stays with Dawn at all times?"_

_ "I promise that as well, now relax!" Giles groaned. He took Buffy by the shoulders and stared deeply into her eyes. "Now listen. I don't for one moment know why I'm saying this, but I stand by it. You'll be safe with Spike. Go enjoy being a bride, Buffy. You saved the world. Go and see it."_

_ "Just for a week." She sniffled, hugging him suddenly. "Love you."_

_ "I love you, too." Rupert held her close for a moment._

* * *

_"Bit, you see those two?" Spike danced lazily with Dawn, and he nodded to Willow and Xander. At first glance they seemed to be slow dancing, and on second glance seemed to be holding on to each other to keep from falling to the floor. "They're miserable. An' Big Sis will tell 'em to look after you while we're gone, but I say, _you_ look after _them_. They're a mess and they need someone to keep an eye on 'em."_

_ "I'm gonna tell Xander you said that." Dawn threatened. _

_ "Hey!" Spike winced. "Is that any way to treat one of the guests of honor at this shindig?"_

_ "No, but it's kind of fun to annoy you." Dawn snickered. Spike shook his head ruefully and turned the dance into a hug. _

_ "C'mon. Help me convince Buffy to leave. Sun'll be up soon."_

* * *

_Buffy walked out arm and arm with Willow and Xander, Dawn and Giles were finishing transferring any needed items from van to sedan or vice versa. "Will you two be okay? We really don't need to take a week off." Buffy asked. "I've been a bad friend so many times, not listening to you, not paying attention, closing myself off from you. I don't want to screw this up now. We have a shot at relative normalcy and I want to make it work!"_

_ "Buff- if you do not take your freak of a husband somewhere far away from us, I will stake him. Me. With my one eye. So it'll probably just make a big ugly hole in his chest and he'll die in agony before I find the heart."_

_ There was a second of startled silence._

_ "That was graphic and unsettling." Willow finally hiccuped. _

_ "Will, are you drunk?"_

_ "No! Or yes. A little bit. But I agree with Xander. You and Spike need some alone time. You need to get your-noises out." She gulped, cheeks turning scarlet. Buffy's did the same._

_ "Umm. I don't know if that will stop in just a week..."_

_ "But we can hope. I personally will pray and light candles to that effect." Xander smiled and the three of them hugged hard. "Call us, okay? Just to let us know where you're at?"_

_ "I will, 'Dad'." Buffy laughed into his shoulder._

_ "And make sure you eat something!" Willow threw in._

_ "Okay, Mommy." She told Willow, stroking a wisp of her red hair back into its bun._

_ Spike coughed from behind them. "Isn't this the part where you throw rice?" He held open the door of the sedan, waiting for Buffy to take her seat._

_ "I knew we forgot something!" Dawn clapped a hand to her forehead._

_ Buffy made one more quick round of hugs and then slid into her seat. "Call you tomorrow, I mean today- probably late." She added with a blush._

_ "She means tomorrow." Spike gave her a sly smile and shut the door, making sure her dress was out of the way. "Night all! See you at home in a week-if you lot find home."_

_ "Bye Spike!" Dawn hugged him once more. Willow and Xander waved, a genuine smile on Willow's face, a resigned one on Xander's. Giles coughed and looked away, but shook his hand awkwardly. "No worries. She's safe with me."_

_ "You'd best hope so." Giles glared. Then he softened. "I do believe, odd as it is, that she will be. Have a nice vacation."_

_ "Will do!" Spike slid into the driver's seat, tapped the horn twice, cranked up the radio and roared off. He turned to face his girl, his mate, his wife. "Had a nice night, Luv?"_

_ "Yeah. You?" She grinned. _

_ "Yeah. But the best part is yet to come." He gave her a wicked smirk. She shivered and wished for a split second that he didn't have that kind of power over her. And then laughed. "What?"_

_ "Nothing. I just realized I'm not tired. I'm gonna give you a run for your money." _

_ "Sounds fun, Pet." He purred. He drove to one of the larger hotels he could see in the distance, enjoying the relatively traffic-free time of day. He figured even if they didn't have a honeymoon suite, they'd have a nice room somewhere._

_ They parked the car and carried in their odd assortment of bags. "We really need to buy some luggage." Buffy grunted as she struggled with a slippery plastic dress bag. Spike took it from her and easily carried the rest of the gear. _

_ "My wife doesn't do drudge work." He said firmly, proud that he could call her that title. "Yeah, we'd like the honeymoon suite, if you've got it." Spike turned his address to the clerk._

_ "Let me see, Sir..." The clerk punched in a few things on the computer. "We have two suites available. One on the 20th floor, one on the 17th."_

_ "Which floor is less occupied, mate?" Spike asked with a conspiratorial leer. The man winked and punched a few more buttons. _

_ "Go with the 20th."_

_ "Mr. and Mrs. Spike Summers." Spike planted a wad of cash down on the counter and waited impatiently for the key. He could feel the glow of sunrise beginning, and even though it wouldn't reach the front desk for a while, it made him nervous. _

_ In moments, they were outside the door of suite, a large one, judging by how few doors there were in the hallway. Spike opened the door and tossed their bags inside, holding up a halting hand to Buffy._

_ "What?" She asked, hands on hips. "Checking the room for intruders?"_

_ "No, but I should. Been a whole three days since we were attacked?"_

_ "I don't even know. Real time is weird after timelessness." Buffy leaned on the doorway, watching her husband (oh wow, her _husband_!) take in the surroundings, nostrils working, vamp senses putting out feelers. "Is it clean?"_

_ "Yes, actually, as well as nasty-free." He turned back to her and scooped her up in his arms. "I haven't forgotten human customs." He smiled, taking her over the threshold._

_ "You're so sweet." She whispered, hugging him around the neck._

_ "I love you. I can be sweet. I can be rough. I can be whatever you need, Luv, jus' don't ever ask me to leave, and don't you leave me, either." He murmured huskily, sliding her silk covered body gracefully down him and setting her feet on the floor._

_ "You know we'll always be together." She let out a long held sigh. "Feels so good to say that. Always. Together. Always and together in the same sentence." She let out a happy titter and he shook his head in amusement. "That's something I never had, you know. And something most Slayers never get. Most of them die before they reach my age, let alone before they get married. They die alone, friendless, unloved."_

_ "As do most vampires, Luv. Alone, on the hunt. Maybe we're in a pack, but we're not with friends. We're not with someone we love." He stroked her hand with his thumb, caressing the band that gave her the outward symbol of belonging to him. "We're both rarities in a rotten old world."_

_ "The world's better now." She gently plucked the red rose bud and white rose blossom from her hair and lay them on the night table._

_ "On many levels, Precious." He reached up and started teasing out the bobby pins that held her up-do in place. Her hands came up swiftly and started on his waistcoat buttons and then moved onto his shirt. "You hungry, Luv?" He asked, even though they'd had a wedding supper, of sorts, as well as the cake. The memory of discreetly licking Buffy's icing covered fingers as they'd fed each other the first slice- oh God..._

_ "No, you?" She looked up at him through half-closed eyes, a look of longing and love. Maybe she knows I'm thinking about covering her in icing and licking every bit off, Spike thought as her look intensified. _

_ "Not hungry for food." He slid his hands around the tight fitting top of her dress, working it down gently, then pausing as he felt some of his savage lust rising. "Maybe you'd better do this part, yeah? Brides can be quite vicious about their dresses, can't they?"_

_ "Yeah. But you won't mess up." She reassured. She nudged his hands along her bodice, letting him pull it down, working it over her strapless white bra, and finally sliding the whole dress down over her slim waist and hips. It fell to the floor with a soft rustle. Spike stared at her and gulped once. His brows lowered and his breathing went from nonexistent to labored in a mere moment._

_ "This is s'posed to be romantic, init?" He pulled his hands back from her, nodding firmly. "Right." His hands twisted and he winced as her fingers undid the button on his jeans, feeling her lightest touch, even over a layer of denim, was agonizing right now. He deliberately didn't touch her, trying to calm his burning need, wanting to wait until he could go at a more leisurely pace. She was ignoring his body language, pressing closer, her hands digging under his waistband._

_ "This is romantic! Silly." She lightly stepped from her shoes and out of the dress, pushing him back towards the bed._

_ "No, you don't-"_

_ "Oh, yes, I do." She smiled. "You think our wedding night has to be tender, and romantic, and slow?"_

_ "Well- yeah." He admitted, one scarred brow raising quizzically at her tone._

_ "I think it just has to be us." She pushed him backwards on the bed, and collapsed on top of him, mouth at his chin, lips forming words that he could feel rather than see. "I feel loved. I feel tenderness. I feel romantic. Happy. Hungry for you..." Her lips climbed his throat and touched his abraded skin and he gasped. "It doesn't have to be slow- it'll still take all day..."_

_ "Oh hell." He gave in and rolled her off of him, pinning her under him, hands on her hips, biting her all over with soft closes of his jaws. "Ow! Blinkin' sunlight!" In their pleasurable pursuits, they had ignored the soft pink tinge coming in the windows. Now a bright yellow shaft shot the bed and shot a burning pain across his back. He rolled to the floor while his gasping bride sprinted for the curtains. She took a moment and made sure no stray gaps could allow direct light inside._

_ "What was I saying?" She asked when she turned back to him. She stood backlit in the darkened room, a golden halo of obscured sun around her. _

_ "I can't remember." He whispered dreamily, looking at her. "Every inch of you is covered in this glow. You're glowin', Luv. You're really mine?"_

_ She looked back at him, his naked chest and shoulders visible above the side of the bed. Hidden in the shadow, so pale he glowed, like a moonbeam. Like the moon to her sun. The dark to her light, only inside him he had just as much stained brightness as she had tarnished darkness. The perfect other half. "You're shining, too." She breathed, approaching the bed. She fell to it hungrily, on hands and knees, meeting his mouth as he clawed his way back to her. _

_ She felt the simple white bra and panties rip like tissue, a combined effort of both of them. "Need you in me right now. Need you to- claim me again." She panted._

_ "Sure?" He gasped back, already lifting her sweet neck to his lips._

_ "Yes!" She whimpered. "I want-it again." Her speech was hampered by the sharp intake of air that he forced out of her as he plunged inside her._

_ "You trust me?" He asked, holding his demon in for a moment._

_ "How can you ask me that?" She dug her nails into him hard, not playfully, angrily, passionately.._

_ "I wanna try something, you might not- like it- never tried before- Buffy, ease up, Luv!" He bit his lip, sorry to press her, ask her something that made her slayer side roar to life. He grabbed her hand and pushed it back. "I'm askin' if you trust me and you claw me!"_

_ "I'm sorry. Yes. I trust you." Buffy whispered. And then she froze, looking at him warily. "Why? What do you wanna do?"_

_ "See!? If you asked, you don't trust me!" He punched the pillow beside her head, making her jump. "Oh God. I'm so sorry, Precious." Seeing her flinch took him on a spiraling flashback to that horrible night on the bathroom floor. "Sorry. Sorry, Luv, oh God, please-"_

_ "Shh." She soothed him. "Here, listen to me." She held him on her, preventing him from rolling off, escaping. "I trust you with everything. You never have to ask me again- but if it makes you feel better-"_

_ "To hear you say it? Yes, it bloody well does." He cut her off, but slowly found himself relaxing once more._

_ "Then I'll say it." She forced his head up slightly, making their eyes meet. "I asked what you were doing because- I'm new at this relationship sex stuff. You know, with actual bodies?"_

_ "Makin' love?" He corrected her._

_ "Yeah. That." She blushed. "So- I ask. I'll stop asking, if it helps you feel better."_

_ "But I wouldn't ask you to do that, Pet. Not when I'm in my right mind anyway, 'cause when I'm inside you, can't think, can't see properly, God, half the time I can't even talk, Buffy. You ask. I'll always tell you the truth. An' maybe someday you'll feel so at ease that you won't feel the need to ask. Maybe you'll just like the surprise."_

_ "That's what I want." She whispered. "Work with me?"_

_ "Summers and Spike. Said I wanted to set up shop with you, remember?"_

_ "Yes." She murmured quietly, working herself around him, mood rebuilding. He responded eagerly, pulling himself up on corded arms and straining shoulders to thrust into her hard, giving her what she needed. Spike. Spike's my _husband_, how weird is that?, she asked herself, and from his sudden deep growl she could tell some of her thoughts had leaked through to him. "You tower over me when you do that." She looked up at him, eyes just a shade short of idolatrous, just a bit more than adoring. "And I don't feel powerless. I feel-" she searched for the word, "safe. Relaxed."_

_ "Nothing'll hurt you while I'm here, Luv. Not again." He brought his head down to her neck, kissing it, rubbing the skin around her marks raw with nips and sucks but never biting. She moaned in protest as his lips wandered away, finding her breasts, finding her hard peaks and cruelly teasing them with that devilishly skilled tongue._

_ "You're making me crazy." She whimpered. He laughed into her belly, heading down to taste his second favorite beverage, and looked up at her, pleased with himself. "Come back, get back in me." She cried in a half-whine._

_ "Not yet! You've been very selfish with this hot little honeypot of late. Makes a man worried." He gave her his best innocent pout. "Maybe you don't like me down there- doin' this-" he lunged and lapped her clit hard with lightening strokes, making her scream suddenly, "-or this." He locked his arms around her thighs and his hands looped over to pull her tightness apart, letting his tongue burrow in. Her scream became a whimpering wail and Spike nuzzled into her sweetness, inhaling her, drinking her, loving that this sacred spot was never going to belong to anyone but him again. _

_ He didn't take his time to build up slowly, tease her and torment her. She was right, it could be fast. With the way they were made, it could still take all day. And, he figured, might as well begin married life right, taking care of your missus as many times as possible. He cleaved her petals apart with one hand, curling one finger inside while he massaged her clit with his slightly sucking lips and darting tongue. "I guess you do like it after all." He purred cheekily as she came, bucking her hips so hard that his head snapped back from the impact. _

_ "You bad, bad, wonderful man." She hissed, thighs still trembling and ravaged regions still squeezing._

_ "Ah, insultin' me? Is that anyway to treat your mate?"_

_ "If it's you, then yeah. Kinda part of the deal. Cocky bastard."_

_ "Prissy bint." He returned the jab, coming back to rest atop her, laughing green eyes meeting his sparking blue. "Have a taste." He offered his mouth to hers, watching her hesitate._

_ It wasn't like she hadn't kissed him before, or licked his fingers after they'd been in her. She just knew it wasn't a prim and proper act, the kind she'd thought she'd engage in. Here she was again, tempted, but she could choose, choose to ignore the temptation to delve into all the dark creativity she knew Spike possessed. _What am I, crazy?_ She pressed his mouth to hers and suckled his tongue, not so much to taste her flavor, but to listen to the groans he made when she did. "You're next, you know." She threatened. "Gonna make you go all weak and trembly with this mouth."_

_ "Oh, bloody hell, yes. But not-" she felt his face distort as it rested against hers, forehead to forehead, "not yet. Say you trust me?"_

_ "I do. I do, Baby." She whispered, running her hands over his neck, over his newly ridged brow. _

_ "Then give me your sweet little breast." He looked at her with burning amber eyes and she twitched, wetter than a moment before, _

_ "Does this- hurt?" She whispered. She figured it was a fair question, since she hadn't exactly been adverse to the painful things before. Attacking one another had been foreplay for a long part of their lives._

_ "Not if you're doin' right." He nuzzled her. "I won't make things hurt, 'less you want it that way."_

_ In answer she pushed one breast up higher, wishing, not for the first time, that they were a little bigger._

_ "Perfect. Perfect, they fit you, they fit my hands, Buffy." He swathed a long lick across one breast, hitting the tightened nipple and feeling her twist. He nibbled all the way around the cup, poking, but not penetrating with his fangs, keeping her in suspense until she couldn't stand it any longer. If he didn't sink his teeth in, her high pitched moans told him, she would grab the back of his head harder than she already was and finish the job for him. Part of him wanted to back off completely, tease his vixen. But he didn't think he could deny himself the pleasure for another second as it was, so he dove in, selecting a fleshy part where her bust met her chest. _

_ He hadn't been lying. Fangs combined with lovemaking was a heady rush, like the hottest shower, spurting from the inside out. And when he entered her again, in his demon form, when latched onto her, she thought she might explode. This side of Spike, was fierce and beautiful. And only for her._

_ His tongue sealed her up after two long pulls, and fangs moved to her neck. "Mine." He said harshly, this time using his words before his teeth, procedure no longer mattering since the claim had already taken effect. _

_ "Yours." She groaned and jerked his head to the side, amazed at how much it felt like the killing neck break she'd often used on vamps. But it stopped short of being lethal. She was stronger than she had been, even lying here, all vulnerable. Her teeth broke his skin and she forced her eyes open to watch him writhe. "Mine?"_

_ "Y-yours." He trembled and she trembled in response, and they came as one, unable to deny it, so relieved, so overjoyed to be united, in a claim, in marriage, in the best of light and dark._

_ He thought about apologizing for the rapidity of their first time as man and wife, but could tell she didn't need him to. She held him to her chest, perfectly content, murmuring tender words that he couldn't even comprehend when he was so spent. "I love you." He finally managed to untangle from his brain and get out of his mouth._

_ "Me, too." She agreed. He laughed tiredly, and she realized what she'd said. "I love you, too." She corrected herself. _

_ "Here." He rolled off her. "Your turn." He offered himself up to her, waiting for her to mount him, resume control, balance their equation._

_ "'Kay." She sleepily crawled on top of him, and laid her head on his shoulder, drowsily kissing his neck and pecs. "We never woke up together before." She murmured._

_ "We have!" He denied, looking down at her with a puzzled half-smile._

_ "No. Not just- woke up in the same place. Never fell asleep with you holding me, and me holding you, and then woke up together, spending the day together. Not after making love. And don't say we did in the void, because that was different. That was like- like a dreamscape, and this is the mean, scary world."_

_ "No arguments from me, Luv." He caressed her back and adjusted his head to allow her arms under his shoulders, cradling him. She sank herself further into his arms and cuddled down like an exhausted child. "Thought you weren't tired?" He whispered._

_ "I'm not. I'm at peace." She opened her eyes and rolled them up to meet his. "You?"_

_ "Can feel your heart beat. All the peace I need, really." He smiled. She draped herself more fully over him, settling into his body to sleep. "My Buffy blanket."_

_ "Spike pillow." She snorted out a half awake laugh. "Promise you'll be here when I wake up?"_

_ "In this spot, Luv. This very spot."_

* * *

"The monster people are creepy. I saw some of the stuff in the makeup department. Sul should totally stay with you at home." Ess and Jim were sitting in the kitchen, a stack of bills in front of him, Ess holding a thick script, and both of them trying to ignore the twangy sound of practicing guitar.

"I'm off today and tomorrow." Jim replied, sipping his wheat grass juice. "He's coming with me today to finish moving out everything before the new tenant can do the formal walk through. And a good thing too, because guitar at 7:30 in the morning wouldn't sit well with the residents' committee."

"Was Henry bummed he couldn't afford it long term?" Ess downed her coffee and tucked her script back in her oversized bag.

"Nah. Told him the reason I wanted to get out of the lease early and he totally stopped moping about that. He did say that place was major hottie magnet."

"Yeah, totally worked on me." Ess rolled her eyes.

"My flat had no romantic effect on you- not until after I'd already gotten you, anyway." Jim looked up at her, tongue curling within a mischievous smile. "Ain't that right, Baby?"

"Mmm, very right." She purred. "So you'll be over there and then moving stuff in here all day?"

"Well, I want to get it out as soon as I can." Jim winced as a particularly loud, snagged chord attacked their ears. Throwing his head back, he shouted to the upstairs, where his son was practicing in his room. "Sul! You're pressing two strings with your middle finger again! Stretch out your fingers like Daddy showed you!" Stripes and Mist, unhinged by the sudden loud bellow, jumped off, making Ess wince as their claws dotted her skin.

"I'm trying!" Sully shouted back.

"I'm going to miss you and the munchkin." Ess squeezed him as the yelling subsided and the chord improved. He kissed the tiny puncture on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"We'll stop by for lunch. Well,_ we'll_ get lunch, and knowing the way the schedule goes, you probably won't. But that's okay, we'll see you in action. If I can find a non-scary scene to show him, that is." Jim's face grew thoughtful. "But when I start filming, he'll have to come with us. I'm not hiring a nanny, and I'm_ not_ putting him in some drop- in daycare for the last week of his visit."

"What'd you do last year?" Ess tried to recall if they'd spent much time together over the previous summer and came up with a big fat no. They'd been traveling with their exes, and Jim had Sully of course.

"Last year he came out later and went home earlier. This is the longest his mother's ever let me have him since the divorce." Jim's thoughtful expression became almost anxious. "Something must be going on with her..."

* * *

The next morning Sully sat on the edge of the sunken bathtub and watched Jim work on himself in the mirror. "Dad? Why are you doing just a little yellow-white?"

Jim smiled and leaned closer to the mirror, the peroxide solution on the tips of his gloved fingers. "Well, in the show-" He carefully began touching up only the tips of his longish brown curls, "Daddy-"

"You mean Spike." Sully corrected, proud of his relatively recent knowledge.

"Yes. Spike. The character I play. He's been away for a couple months. When he comes back, he's very sick. So he hasn't been taking care of himself, he doesn't care how he looks- ow!" Jim winced as some of the solution fell on his forehead and he grabbed the towel from around his shoulders to sponge it away. "There. Yellow-white tips." Jim smiled, poured out the unused bleach and pulled off his hair-dying apparatus. "You like?"

"Yeah." Sully laughed. Then turned serious again. "So,when you and Ess have to go to the studio- what am I gonna do?"

"You'll come film with Ess and me. Uncle Max, Ashley, Patrick, Ellie, and Monica will be there. You get to play with whoever's not filming. You can color in the cafeteria, or hang out in Ess's or my dressing room. You can probably play in the set shop, if you stay in just one corner and stay out of the way."

"Why can't I watch you make the show?" Sully asked with a hint of a whine.

"It's not for little guys, Sul. Scary monster makeup. Sometimes people say bad words. People pretend to hurt each other." Jim washed his hands and turned from the mirror. He bent his knees and crouched slightly to look Sully in the eye. Tell him the real reason. "Ess and I don't act like we do at home when we're working." He said solemnly. _And I don't want you to see me acting insane, or Ess acting like she can barely stand to be in the same room with me._

"But I know that! Kissing and punching happens!" He wheedled. Jim remained firm, silently staring into his own eyes encapsulated in a much smaller frame. "Can I at least see you in your Spike suit?"

My Spike suit?" Jim repeated, trying not to crack a smile.

"The big flappy coat and big boots and fake teeth?"

"I'll see what I can do, son." Jim shook his head. "My Spike suit. That's a new one..."

* * *

_"Hey, sleepyhead." Spike said to his new bride as she stretched, waking up on top of him._

_ "You didn't move." She smiled up at him._

_ "In the same spot, as promised." He smiled_

_ "Was I out long?"_

_ "Not long. Although I did quite nearly drown in drool, Pet. Thinkin' of me?"_

_ "Oh my God! I didn't!" Buffy yelped, sitting up fast, hand wiping at her chin, rolling off of him and consequently onto the floor._

_ "No, no, of course you didn't. Not that I'd care if you did. Think it's cute, how you humans make all these various fluids on your own." Spike laughed, rolling onto his side and looking down at her, sitting in a mildly disheveled heap. "You are the most fetchin' sight, Buffy."_

_ "Yeah well- you snore." She lied._

_ "I don't! I bleedin' can't!" He pointed out indignantly._

_ "I know. I just wanted to annoy you. Guess I can't do it that way." She reached up, poked him hard in the stomach and sprinted off before he could wipe the bemused expression off his face._

_ "Slayer!" He shouted, and barreled after her. He caught her, easily, so much more easily than he used to. She looked surprised when he yanked her backwards into his arms. "Hey- was that easier that it used to be- or did you let me catch you?"_

_ "I'd love to lie and say it was me- but it wasn't." She looked at him in awe. "Is that what Slayer blood can do to you? Make you all beyond super vamp speedy?"_

_ "I guess. Although- have you noticed anything different, Luv? In yourself? Stronger? Faster? Not sproutin' strangely sharp teeth or cravin' rare steaks?"_

_ "Is that likely?" Buffy gaped at him in horror._

_ "No, not at all. I mean the last bit isn't." He hedged. "I'm sure it's been done before, Luv, but as far as I know- humans aren't usually claimed by vamps. And Slayers sure as hell aren't."_

_ "So- we don't know what happens?" Buffy, to Spike's immense relief didn't look brassed off, or even slightly upset. More curious. But he had to push it. _

_ "You're not mad?"_

_ "No. I thought I was going to be, but- I like all the parts of the claim deal. Being able to sense you and even talk to you if I try hard. So I never lose you. And knowing you can't get killed without me coming along for the ride-"_

_ "We've done that, Pet. Let's not do it again." He sighed._

_ "But I like it. And even though I'm kinda pissed you're almost as fast as me, I'm also glad. Means you can keep up with me." She paused for a moment. "I think I'm stronger, too. Earlier, when I turned your head so I could get at your neck-"_

_ "You were fairly frightenin' with that, Luv. In a good way." He ran his hand up her bare back, and caressed both shoulders, letting his fingers brush her sweetly punctured skin as they rested alongside her neck. "Powerful. So powerful. In such a tiny, little package." He punctuated each word with a nip, making her moan._

_ "I think I felt stronger. But Slayers are already stronger than vampires. Mostly."_

_ "Ah, but if we're joined..." He whirled her to face him, pressing his full length to her, hard cock included, "- we're doubly strong. Doubly fast."_

_ "Oh God." She whimpered as his hands pulled her up to his waist, straddling her wetness around him. "Double stamina."_

_ "Yesss." He let out a long hiss and backed her into the wall._

_ "First time should've been like this." She whispered, heated voice tinged with mournfulness. _

_ "Can't fix the past, Lamb." He pressed into her hard, blue eyes flaming. "If we could, I'd do a lot of things differently. But that means maybe never get a soul, maybe never get you, maybe never get here."_

_ "I know. And, violence and depression aside, the first time was pretty impressive." Buffy admitted. _

_ "Mmhmm." He pushed her back against the wall harder, ramming inside her, making her moan. "Was one of the most incredible moments of my-"_

_ "Argh!"_

_ "Sod!" The 'wall' that Spike had chosen for their intense bout of lovemaking was actually a door to the bathroom, which could only withstand so much pressure before the doorknob latch popped and the door swung open, catapulting them to the tile floor, Buffy slamming down onto it with her back, Spike landing on top of her. "Buffy! Are you okay?"_

_ "My back hurts a little." She admitted, sounding dazed._

_ "More worried about your head. The number of times you and the Scoobies have been concussed... A wonder you can stop any villains at all." He slowly slid from her, ignoring her yip of dismay, and pulled her up, inspecting her for injury. "Gotta take care of my investment." He whispered, kissing her head and down her spine as she turned to show him her unmarked back. She sighed, reveling in the fact that someone loved her enough to think she was fragile, worth looking after. Even though he knew, better than anyone else, that she could take whatever they dished out and come back for more. _

_ "Thank you." She whispered, and he nodded, hugging her close. Warm and loved, she closed her eyes, and knew he was doing the same. When they opened their eyes again, it was as if noticing their surroundings for the first time._

_ "This looks a lot like the other halves' bathroom!" Buffy said in delight. "Look, it has the shower here, and then the big bathtub in the middle, and the double sink..."_

_ Spike rose, flicked on the lights, and peered into the huge sunken tub against the center wall. "Hot tub, built for two."_

_ "Nuh-uh!" Buffy joined him. "Okay, we are so taking a bubble bath. Ooh! Look, see, they give you bubble bath. Bubble baths are predestined in this room." She held up a small bottle that had been on the corner of the tub. "I like this place."_

_ "Me, too." He grinned, knowing that she would understand that he'd like honeymooning in a hovel, if it was with her. He rubbed her shoulder quickly and whispered in her ear. "Gonna go bring in our toiletries and find some music on the radio. Turn it up loud. Cover up the sounds of you screamin' in ecstasy. Be a few minutes."_

_ Buffy smiled gratefully. He meant give her time to use the bathroom's more practical features, which she did, and then took a quick rinse in the shower. "You can come in now!" She called over the blaring radio. He popped his head in. "Ready for the bathtub scenes, Mr. Summers?"_

_ "If you are, Mrs. Summers." He advanced on her, and grabbed her wrist just as she was about to activate the hot tub jets. "Whoa! No bubble bath while hot tub is in use." He pointed to the sign above the light switch._

_ "Since when do you follow the rules?" She laughed, tipping in a large dose from the bottle and turning on the jets. Spike looked at her incredulously. "What?" She turned to face him, hands on hips. Wordlessly he pointed. The bottom of the tub, although only filled with a few inches of water, was already filled with double that amount in bubbles. "Hey! Why is it doing that?"_

_ "I think the forced air flow has something to do with it. Super charges the bubbles, churns 'em up." He said with thinned lips. He reached over and firmly pushed the switch off, and cranked up the water. "Bubble bath first, hot tub later, when the bubbles have been cleaned out of the system."_

_ "That stupidity thing totally comes from you." She pouted._

_ "If it had been _evil _and stupid, I'd say you were right. But that was just dumb. It's all you, Blondie." He chucked her chin and she rolled her eyes._

_ "Yeah, well you- picked a really annoying radio station." _

_ "It's the telly, Luv. Got this all punk channel. An' listen. They're playin' a whole slew of romantic ones." His eyes were all soft and dreamy and Buffy's were wide and mildly worried. "What?"_

_ "_That's_ romantic?" She frowned._

_ "_Yes_." His tone was highly annoyed. "It soddin' is! That's the Ramones 'I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend' and the little bubble on the bottom of the telly said Blink 182 'All the Small Things' is on next!"_

_ "You wanna be my boyfriend?" She asked with a little twinkle in her eyes, a shy blush creeping up her chest and into her cheeks._

_ "I do, Baby." He flicked the light switch off, leaving the door open so a square of light from the main room lit their tiled haven. "An' what's more, seein' as you're wearin' my ring, bearin' my claim, and drippin' little pearls of Spike down your thighs, I think you want that as well."_

_ "Baby, I do, I do..." She breathed as he lifted her up and deposited in the hot water, slipping into a seat, the soap assisting her. He scooted in across from her, his back against the shell of ceramic. She climbed on top of him, squirming to find his cock with her opening._

_ "Hungry for another go?" He titled his head back, looking up at her darkened form._

_ "Mhmm. And then, once I've proven how much I want you- we can start making plans for the rest of our honeymoon."_

_ "Rest of our lives." He trumped. _

_ "Rest of our lives." She agreed._

* * *

_"You're quite sure? Well, Willow told me there are several. Definitely the one in New York? Yes. Yes, all right then. Here, Willow wants to speak to Daphne and Charlotte before I ring off." Giles passed the phone over his shoulder to the redhead in the backseat. Xander turned to him, putting the atlas in his lap to the side._

_ "So. Where's home?"_

_ "Pine Ridge, New York."_

_ "That doesn't sound too evil." Giles gave him a disparaging look. "Okay, so neither did Sunnydale." Xander sighed and started flipping to the index of the AAA atlas they'd purchased in the hotel lobby. "Pine Acre, Pine Bluff, Pine- damn, there's a lot of towns starting with Pine in this country!"_

_ Giles dropped his voice, casting a quick glance behind him to Willow who was conversing animatedly, and Dawn who was writing frantically in a new journal. "Pine Ridge is the apex of a locus line that goes directly diagonally across four of the biggest cities in the Eastern United States, New York City, Philadelphia, Baltimore, and Washington D.C.. A line of truly great energy that has become marked for evil over time. The coven says the scrying charts only have a few pure black lines on them, and this is one of them."_

_ "Are we talking Hellmouth quality evil?" Xander asked nervously. " 'Cause I was pretty clear about not signing up for another Hellmouth."_

_ "Nowhere near as dangerous as a Hellmouth." Giles assured. "A Hellmouth creates, attracts, and spawns evil. This just attracts and feeds evil. Far less variety of demons and malevolent plots, I'm sure."_

_ "You're not sure at all, are you?"_

_ "No. Not at all." Giles admitted. "But it is less dangerous. I at least know that."_

* * *

_"What'd they say?" Buffy, nibbling on an apple, watched her groom hang up on the room service person with a smoking snarl. _

_ "They'd be happy to let me talk to the manager." Spike felt himself getting hungrier faster, probably spurred on by the numerous trysts he and his passionate partner had enjoyed in the last twelve hour span. Plus, vampires need blood to make bodily fluids, and he'd been depleting various secretions rapidly. "I'm gonna go find a butcher once it gets dark enough. Then we've got to take you out to some posh place. Maybe some dancin'? Winin' and dinin'?"_

_ "No wining." She protested. "You, me, and alcohol have a bad track record." He laughed softly. " Okay," she admitted, "alcohol and _I _have a bad track record, period."_

_ "I'm not talkin' about you an' me tryin' to drown our sorrows with the hard stuff." He nibbled an apple slice from the tips of her fingers, nibbling her soft skin more than the fruit. "A nice bottle of wine with a nice rare cut of beef, and a nice- you know I don't even know your favorite foods?"_

_ "I know yours. Blood, wings and fried, battered, onion things."_

_ "So tell me yours." He pressed._

_ "Chocolate. Ice cream." She popped a wedge of apple in and spoke around it, hand covering her chewing mouth, "Basic girl food."_

_ Spike stroked her leg and got off the bed. He headed to the couch where their assortment of shopping bags sat. "'S here somewhere- ah!" He dug out the chocolates he'd given her the night he proposed. "Oh, an' there was a box of-" he began rummaging in another bag and Buffy, plush hotel bathrobe flying around her, jumped up and stopped him._

_ "Hey! Hey, leave that bag alone!" She yelped, and pulled him back._

_ "Sorry, Luv." He quickly backed away, hands up at his shoulders._

_ "I- I had a-" she mumbled something he couldn't catch, even with his vamp hearing and claimed closeness. _

_ "You had a somethin'." He nodded. "That's all I got, Pet. But there on the couch, chocs for my girl. And then you think about what kind of real food you like, okay?"_

_ "I will." She paused, deep in thought, picking up the box of chocolates and the bag containing the white nightie she had intended to wear on their wedding night- had they not gotten carried away instantly, precluding any change of costume. Maybe it would seem silly to wear it now. She certainly wasn't an unravished bride any longer._

_ Spike watched her. Thoughts scudded across her face like clouds across the sky. And he could read them pretty well, after four years of being a constantly observant Buffy-watcher. That was her 'I'm doubting myself' face, which he suspected only a small handful of people had ever seen. His girl liked to play it cool under pressure, and it had stuck, turning into her mask. "You do what you want." She clutched the bag protectively to her chest and he cocked his head. Something in that bag was dear to her. And they hadn't been many places alone or even with a lot of variety to choose from. It had to be some piece of clothing, or maybe a wedding gift, or a trinket from one of the others that she didn't want him to know about. "Hey," his voice was soft, soothing, "I'm not gonna try to peek in the bag. You do whatever you want with whatever you've got."_

_ "I- bought something. I never got to wear it. On our wedding night." She started opening the bag and he crossed to her, pushing her hands into a ball around the top of the bag. _

_ "The night isn't over 'til we leave the room, Pet." He whispered. "And even then, a wedding night isn't the kind of custom we can hold with. Near immortal, we are. We need a wedding week, at the least." He stroked her cheek, cupping it with his palm. "I'm suddenly not hungry anymore. Think I'd like to go back to bed..."_

_ She could burn a man alive, looking at him with such fire, he thought._ Good thing I'm a man un-alive._ She disappeared into the bathroom and he hurriedly tidied the bed, thinking they really needed the maid to come in here immediately they departed for their night on the town. The destruction of linens and furniture in the rooms they stayed in. He shook his head as he carefully tried to cover up one of the longer gouges in the wall with a pillow. Thank God he was paying in cash and not credit. They'd have to clear out after tonight, find another nightspot, moving east all the time, or they'd never make it home in a week. _Wherever the bloody hell home would be. Hope Niblet's okay... I wonder if I have time call-

_ Buffy stepped out of the bathroom. "Here I am." He turned in the direction of her voice. _

_ Spike felt his throat close. She looked like the picture of virginal, bridal innocence. Long golden hair flowing across her shoulders, white gown barely holding onto her body with the nightdress's thin twists of satin as an excuse for straps. And she was petite. She'd always been petite, just the perfect mouthful..._

_ "I know you're real now." He whispered, reaching out a hand for her, stopping himself before his finger tips could connect with the angel standing before him. "I couldn't dream anything to look like you..." He put a trembling hand lightly on each of her arms, staring at her as she stared up at him. "You're real."_

_ "I am." She pressed herself to his chest, beyond thrilled with his reaction, her heart starting to race as if this was all new. The love in his eyes, the awe, she'd seen it hundreds of times before, but was a little deeper each time. Shouldn't it be less? He'd seen it before, everything was old to him by now. Yet he acted like it was all fresh._

_ "You're real." He repeated, letting his arms cross over her back, squeezing her hard. He felt her nod against him and he closed his eyes and sighed. Never wanted to let her go. "But how could you be for _me_?"_

_ "I just am." He heard her reply._

_ He walked her to the bed, lying beside her, looking down on her. "You're shaking."_

_ "So are you." She pressed her hand on his shoulder and felt him still. Everything about him froze, except his eyes, which roved over endlessly her like someone seeing heaven after a long stint in purgatory. The he began to speak, voice soft, sounding hesitant and hopeful at once._

_ "A long time ago, I wanted to be good for you. Wanted to be a good man, for a good woman, a beyond good woman, the embodiment of good." He swallowed. "And when you went away, and then came back, you were different. You were darker, and I thought maybe that'd be all right. We could be in the night, together. And we could do good, even if we _weren't _good." He ran the edges of his fingers across her forehead, over her fluttering lids, settling on her lips. "Did you ever know how bad it hurt to see you falling, becoming something skewed?"_

_ "I didn't think about anyone, Spike. Least of all you." She whispered against his hand. He shuddered once and she felt it, felt the pain, a huge, black spiderweb attacking him, sucking at him, confused and guilty for wanting her any way he could have her, angry and enraged at her friends for tearing her from heaven, for even imagining she might end up anywhere but heaven when she was so clearly descended from angels. And loss, lightened at first, and then growing as he watched her struggle back into this cruel life, sadness and longing turning into a black hole that ate away at him. _

_ He yanked his hand away from her, breaking their connection, tears meandering down his face when she looked at him again. "Sorry, Luv." He whispered._

_ "Why?" Why show her this now? They'd had years to talk about this and he'd never described his emotions as fully as he had in that half a moment. _

_ "Because. You came back. Your heart- it's whole again." He broke down, crying, laughing, kissing her. "An' I think- maybe I was the missin' piece?"_

_ "You totally were." She laughed back. And with a rare stab of emotional confidence she volunteered, "And I'm yours?" His frantic nod, burrowed as he was in her cleavage, was all the heartfelt answer she needed. She rested her head on his and held him tight. They would never be separated again._

* * *

"Who's on deck to watch the kiddo?" Buffy's "other self" climbed into her fiancé's car, tossed a big bag of new coloring books and "I Can Read" stories into the back, and looked up at her fiancé.

"Max isn't filming much today, he'll do it. Sul! We're going to be late!" Jim hollered from the garage back into the house.

"Mist is under the weight bench!" He shouted back.

"I'll be right back." Jim sighed and raced off. In seconds he was back, son in hand, literally, and then they screeched from the driveway and sped to the studio.

"The bossman is okay with this?"

"'Okay' isn't the best term." Jim admitted. "He knows it's only for a couple days." Jim spoke in an undertone so Sully wouldn't hear them. "And as I pointed out, this is the only year this will ever happen, as the show closes this season, so he shut up about it." Jim looked at her from the corner of his eye. "Mentioned it would irk you pretty good if your stepson-to-be was away from you the last week of his vacation as well."

"You're so good at blackmail." Ess laughed.

"Now, now. Extortion is a much nicer word." He leaned over and squeezed her thigh, letting his forefinger brush the crotch of her jeans as he did so. She pushed her hips forward slightly, and then cast a look into the back seat and blushed.

"Are you excited about today?" Ess asked the brown haired boy, trying to distract herself.

"Yeah! Are you going to fight? Can I watch? Are you going to fight Dad? And then kiss?" Sully asked a stream of questions, causing Ess to open and close her mouth, but never get farther than the first syllable of her answer. "Is Uncle Max watching me? Is Ashley? I like Max best, he's funny, can he take me away when you guys kiss, 'cause I see that all the time at home and I wanna see the cool stuff with vampires!"

"Slow down!" Jim chuckled as Ess made a frantic "time out" motion with her hands. "Yes, Max can hang with you. And when it isn't Max, it's Monica. There's no kissing. I don't think there's any fighting between Ess and I, unless I read it wrong, and if there's a scene without scary monsters, yes, you can watch it."

Once at the studio, Jim and Ess needed to separate. Ess kissed her soon-to-be son goodbye on the top of his head, worry apparent in her eyes. He gave her an extra long look. "Are you okay, Essie?" He wrapped one hand around hers, holding on to Jim' spocket with the other.

"I'm okay." She squeezed his shoulder. "Love you, Sul." He smiled, his missing tooth halfway grown in at this point. More adorable than ever, Ess thought with pseudo-parental pride.

"I love you, too. And I'm gonna love you, even if you kick Daddy."

"Hey!" Jim looked highly offended, and then cracked a smile. "No one's kicking me today. It's a really quick scene, and then we can drive around somewhere until Ms. Star here is all done." He gave Ess a quick kiss, and pulled Sully away with him.

Ess watched the two men in her life head off towards makeup. Jim would get scarred up all over his chest. Mm. Maybe she'd get him to leave it on until she was done filming and she could clean it off...

"Ess!" A raven-haired figure bounced over to her.

Essie hugged the beautiful brunette who'd one played opposite Jimmy. "You're here today? Of course you are! This is so awesome!" Ess hugged her former cast member affectionately.

"You naughty girl! Stealing my guy!" She giggled and admired Ess's ring. "Sweet thing, isn't he?"

"Oh my God, adorable and sweet. And sexy. No kissing him today, okay?" Ess waggled her finger.

"Absolutely. No Jim samples for me. Although you might want to want to warn the other two ex-baddies. I just saw them heading out of makeup."

* * *

_Oh shit... _Jim slapped his hands over Sully's eyes as a huge, hulking man, dressed in his full out Adam costume, stepped directly in front of them with a happy cry of "Jimmy! Congrats to you and Ess!"

"Thanks! Oh, uh, this young person is Sully, my son, who isn't supposed to see scary costumed people." He gestured with his head, thumbs tapping on the squirming, giggling boy's forehead.

"Da-ad! Let me go! I already saw the Hulk guy." Sully dropped to his knees and stood back up, unshielded. "Whoa... it's a... whoa!"

"Glad you like it!" The man gave a booming laugh, waved, and walked off.

"Jim! Makeup, now!" Someone with a clipboard hollered in passing.

"Someone find Max!" Jim hollered back, pulling his script out of his back pocket and hustling over to makeup with his boy in tow.

"Jim, you're not suited up yet!" One of the techs said.

"Off to a rip-roaring start already." Jim groaned and backtracked, toting Sully, back to his dressing room, changed into scuffed black jeans and dusty-looking black button down, hustled back to makeup, only to be told Max had been hunting him all over and missed him twice now. Jim bit back a curse and laid flat on a massage table, chest up. "Make it good, Allan." He told the makeup artist. "It took me about as long to get to here as it'll take to put it on..." Sully crawled up on the back of one of the vanity chairs and peered excitedly down. "Sul, move if Allan tells you to, okay? Allan, this is my son. He wants to see me in my 'Spike suit' later. Will you have time to vamp me up at the end of my set?"

"Of course!" Allan readily agreed. "Now hold still. No deep breathing or giggling, I'm sorry if this tickles."

"Whoa..." Sully whispered, eyes round as dinner plates as red paint and gel quickly transformed into long gouges and scrapes, relatively realistic up close, dramatically realistic from the eye of the camera. "That's so cool. Can I touch it?"

"Wait 'til it dries." Jim replied through pursed lips, dying for one good inhale, since he'd been told him to breath shallowly.

"Is Ess doing that to you? Giving you lots of scratches?" The curious voice asked, fingers skimming a few inches from the cuts.

"Those scratches would be on his back, sonny." Allan said with a coarse smile.

"Allan!" Jim barked.

"Huh?" Sully craned his head around, trying to see down Jim's collar.

"Sorry." Allan quailed under Jim's glare. Jim's protective father glare made Spike's game face seem like a look of kind affection.

"There you are! Sul-ster." Max panted and skidded into the room. "Whoa, Jim, you and Ess gettin' your freak on?" He pointed jokingly to his chest.

"Ess did the ones on his back." Sully explained with a wise nod.

"Jim!" Max burst into a shocked laugh.

"Sh-sod." Jim thumped the back of the nearest chair with his fist, choosing British curses over American ones for his son's sake. "Max, take Sully. I'll explain that whole 'thing' later." He muttered uncomfortably. He scooted out the door, waved a warning finger at Allan, pressed his lips to Sully's forehead and ran to take his place.

They filmed the school basement scenes for both the first and second episode, since Jim was already in costume and by next week he'd need his full platinum look back. They shot the scenes with guest stars first, since they were getting an hourly rate, unlike the regular cast.

Ess felt weird watching Jim perform. Well, she felt strange performing _with _him. They hadn't acted together since the "bathroom scene" and now, aside from a two second clip where she stood behind him and said one sentence. Basically a walk-on, walk-off. For their first real scene with actual interaction, and dialogue, he was supposed to see her and burst into hysterical laughter. They were both more likely to burst into hysterical sobbing. "Monica!" She hissed to the wide eyed teen playing her sister.

"What? What's up?"

"Is Sully with Max? It's taking them forever to get Jimmy's scene done, and I don't want Sul to see him and I together!"

"He hasn't ever seen you act before?" Monica asked, slightly surprised.

"He saw part of an episode, once. And I have no idea if it was re-run or this season. Oh God, I have no idea- he said he saw us kissing and fighting. Oh God, what if he saw one of the sex scenes? Oh God, oh God, oh God..." Ess clapped her hands over her eyes. "Go find them! Keep them away from here!"

"On it!" Monica saluted and scurried off.

"Cut! Thanks guys. Ess! Step in!" Douglas shouted for her. She stepped up. Jim repositioned, stood in the doorway, a tense smile on his face. "Ready? Okay- here we go, marker. Action!"

She said her lines hesitantly, and fortunately that worked for her characterization as well. And Jim, eyes overly bright with suppressed emotion, gave a completely insane laugh. And then, just as he was supposed to, reached out and gently cupped her cheek. She leaned into his palm. Still warm. Still real. Still us.

"Cut! Ess, just let him brush you, remember, neither of you are comfortable with the physical after-"

"Got it!" Ess cut him off before he could say anything worse. The next take, Jim lightly brushed her cheek, and then the "monsters of the week" crashed the party. There was a nice bout of physical activity before they were thrown back into the emotional upheaval.

Those scars, cuts, could easily be real. On either of them. What if they hadn't gone home together that night? What if they had been left alone... _"I- I tried to cut it out."_

Yes, he had. He'd blocked every thought, every impulse, every tactic he could to keep them both safe. Her pitying, confused look almost undid him.

But they made it through.

"I wanna go see Sully." Ess whispered as soon as they were given the all clear.

"Okay. Okay, we'll go see him." Jim looked startled. He also felt a tiny bit hurt. Shouldn't she have wanted him, not his child?

"Hold me first?" She stopped in mid-stride. He relaxed, taking her to his chest.

"Wasn't that bad, huh, Baby?"

"No, it was good." She gave him a watery smile. "Still got it." She ran her hand over his bare chest.

"Yeah, we do." He pulled her into a kiss.

"Monica! Where's Monica?" Someone else was shouting now, breaking their reverie.

"Here!" She called, racing back past Ess and Jim. "Get a room, you two. Sully's in your dressing room, Essie, there was more space. Oh- and he may be emotionally scarred. Max was trying to explain your modesty cover up thingy. Sully wanted to use it to make a kite and-"

"Stop talking." Ess closed her eyes and winced. Jim rubbed his temples with an aching expression and crinkled brow. "Can I kill Max?"

"Oh, just wait 'til I tell you what Allan said. Then we can decide who we should kill first." Jim strode angrily along the hallway until reaching Ess's room.

* * *

"So it's like a bikini?"

Jim entered to hear his son asking quizzically to Max, pointing to a scant flesh toned piece of cloth. Max looked red as a tomato and he practically hugged Jim when he saw him.

"Hey, Dad. Do you have one of these?"

"Max!" Ess snatched the flesh toned nylon sock from his hand, blushing as red as their unfortunate babysitter.

"Are you done for today, Jim? You are? Good, see you, bye!" Max patted Sully and disappeared before Jim could insert any replies into his fevered comments.

"Did you have fun?" Jim asked wearily.

"Yeah! Can you go put your Spike suit on now? Can Essie come?"

"I have to go back, Little Man." Ess sighed regretfully. "But I got what I came for. Seen my little boy, you're safe. And you haven't seen anything bad or scary have you?"

"I'm fine." He chirped. He hugged Ess's leg affectionately.

Jim looked on happily. _So that was all she needed. A little reassurance that her "little boy" was safe._ She's going to make a good mom. He'd always known that. From the moment she'd had the scared but hopeful look on her face when she first offered to come talk on the phone to the most precious person in his life.

She puts him first. If there had ever been a doubt about sharing this life with her, it was erased

"Ready, Dad?" A small hand tugged his.

"Ready."


	14. Chapter 14

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: Serious mushiness and some smut ahead. Also a ton of detail and wordiness. Just warning you. 75% Spuffy content. Picks up pretty much from where the last chapter ended._

_Dedicated to Ginar369, Omslagspapper, Jewel74, Alexiarrose, ladypeyton, and starinyte_

_**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine. **_

**Part XIV**

_ "Could we just fly home? I mean, _we_ don't have to worry about exposure to sunlight and we have money." Dawn asked Willow as they sat up in their motel room outside of Denver._

_ "Think the weapons and creepy spell books and all the secret papers might cause a problem." Willow stretched. "Besides, it's just another couple days. If we drive at least 10 or 12 hours each day." She groaned._

_ "But- I wanna be home _now_! I wanna find my new school and find a house before Buffy catches up to us! We need to get her a wedding present! We need to shop! We have to make them a happy little home, they're newlyweds." _Everything is going to be okay this time. If we all work really hard, maybe everything will be okay this time...

_ "I know, Dawnie. We'll drive fast, okay? We'll make 'em a nice little nest. For all of you, all three of you." Willow offered._

_ "You guys need stuff, too! Like- this is so bad, but so cool, but you need everything! It'll be like moving into a dorm, or our first apartment!"_

_ "Scary, terrifying, expensive, and lonely?" Willow queried._

_ "It won't be as scary as last year." Dawn pointed out, hugging her knees. _

_ "No. It won't be as bad as that. A-and it won't be lonely. We'll all find apartments near each other! Or- or maybe even in the same complex! Maybe even together."_

_ "Ooh, you and me? Like college roomies?" Dawn squealed, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, bounding to her feet._

_ "Uh, no. Sorry, Dawnie. I was thinking- Xander and I. You'll have Buffy and Spike. Xander won't have _any_one. I don't want him to be alone right now. Not after..." Willow shrugged and Dawn nodded._

_ "Won't that be kinda weird though? Living with him?"_

_ "Probably, but I'm not worried about it. All the time we've spent together..." She shrugged again and rose to her feet wearily. "As long as the place has two bathrooms and two bedrooms." Willow and Dawn did a quick game of rock, paper, scissors to see who went first in the bathroom. Dawn won, and as she left, Willow added a final disclaimer. "You know, that was just a thought, right? Xander probably so does not want a nerdy witch roommate, cluttering up the house with ancient books and crystals, bringing home chicks from covens. I just wanna look out for him." Dawn nodded, totally understanding. As the bathroom door shut, Willow added softly. "It's just, he's always looked out for _me_."_

* * *

_ Xander staggered into the bathroom, bumping Giles' arm, making him cough and spatter toothpaste all over the mirror. "Sorry." He mumbled, pulling off his tee-shirt._

_ "What on earth are you doing?" Giles exclaimed in horror, wiping his lips._

_ "Showering. Little habit I picked up."_

_ "Could you wait until I leave the room?" Giles demanded, spitting in the sink._

_ "Sure thing. You're the one who insisted on us doubling up. I could have had my own little room with my own little bed and shower, and not had to listen to you snore all night!"_

_ "I do not snore!" Giles hissed angrily. "You, however, do. Like a walrus with a head cold!"_

_ "You mutter! And not even in English all the time. Sumerian and Latin and strange whispery things!" Xander wiggled his fingers above his head as if performing a spell._

_ "You didn't say you wanted your own room. You suggested that two of you could share a room. I naturally assumed you meant you and I in one room, and the girls in another!"_

_ "Well, I just thought- Willow shouldn't be on her own. With Kennedy bailing on her. Bitch."_

_ "Xander..." Giles ran a wet cloth over his face. "Do you want to help her, comfort her- or are you looking for her to comfort you?" He held up a warning finger. "It's fine if you need her. She's one of your oldest and dearest friends, you just-"_

_ "I just want to look out for her, give her some support! And yeah, I want her there for me, too." He looked hard at Giles. "I love her, you know. And I think we ask a lot of her, all the time. Magic this, magic that, keep in control, give it all you've got- back and forth like a ping-pong ball. Last time she lost the person she loved, she went down the darkest path you can find. I'm not standing by and letting it happen again." Xander pulled off his eye patch and hung it on the towel rack. "I'll talk to her about it today. But I'm not leaving her to cope by herself, just 'cause you think _I'm_ hurting worse."_

_ "Admirable." Giles nodded, and backed from the bathroom. He turned, looking back at the shirtless figure behind him. Much more battle worn and scarred than the youngster he had met in a high school library seven years ago. "Just in case I've neglected to tell you lately, Xander, you've grown into a fine man. A great man thinks of others first. I'm proud of you." He shut the door firmly behind him._

* * *

_ "Shhh, honey." Spike slurred his words slightly as he pushed open the door. Behind him, his wife, not entirely graceful off the battlefield, tripped over her own high heels and crashed into him, sending them sprawling to the hotel room in a black clothed heap. "You're not the subtle type, are you?"_

_ "I'm quiet as a little mousey." She giggled._

_ "You're sloshed." He giggled back, roughly helping her up, "Mind your pretty frock, Luv. He brushed her down, kissing her hair sloppily as she leaned on him, pawing his chest. "No, stoppit, Pet. Gonna get me hard again."_

_ "Like when you're hard." She giggled again. "Don't you want to have one for the road?" She bit his earlobe gently._

_ "If we stay here any longer, we'll be drivin' til nightfall. We leave now, we'll get to the Denver area before sunset, can get some kip before it's time to take you out an' show you off again." He tossed their newly purchased luggage from the floor to the bed, holding her up with one arm, wishing his slightly tipsy bride would stop making a play for his wedding tackle- just until they could sneak out of the hotel without paying for the damages they'd caused. "Hey! No fair!" He grunted as Buffy dropped suddenly to her knees, freeing his hardening shaft and slurping down on it._

_ "One for the road? Quick and hard, Baby?" She begged prettily._

_ "You know I can't refuse you anything." He tore his duster off, and she used a back kick to slam the door. " 'Specially not when you ask for it quick an' hard." He reached for her, offering to help her up. She smiled a feline grin and turned away from him, on hands and knees now. "Like that?" His mouth dried up as she offered herself to him._

_ "Isn't this how tigers do it?" She purred. _

_ "God, yeah, Buffy." He fell to his knees, not even bothering to take his trousers the rest of the way off, just letting them bunch at his knees._

_ "Unzip me. I don't wanna drive to Denver in a glittery dress anyway." She led his hand to the tab at the nape of her neck._

_ He unzipped her with one hard swipe, and shoved the dress up and over her back, letting her work the rest of it off herself. He ignored the bra, and wondered briefly where her lacy black knickers had gone. Oh yeah. In his hip pocket. But at least they hadn't been lost this time. Now that she was open to him, he teased her with just his tip. She let out a growl of need and he softly kneaded her lower back. "Makin' sure you were ready for me." He kissed a trail down her spine and slammed into her._

_ "Oh, oh, oh..." Her little moans built right from the first stroke, driving him mad, driving him instantly to the edge. Didn't she know what she looked like, making love this way? Primal, animal, instinctual- hands and knees, grinding hips to her womanhood, clawing the carpet. Those noises- God, what a stunner. This was beyond a new position, this was a new feeling, intense, hot. This wasn't just making love, this was mating. And she'd never given him access to her like this, not in this form, not with these real, vulnerable, breakable bodies. He'd been behind her before, standing up though, never like this, on her knees. She wasn't ready to fight or fly. She trusted him. He knew that already. But he loved more proof of it._

_ "Harder, please, honey?" She asked for it. Asked him for it! He thought his heart would burst._

_ "Tell me you love me." He panted, slamming into her hard enough to knock her to the floor completely, belly to the carpet._

_ "I love you." She didn't struggle back against him, so he lay on top of her, still working in and out._

_ "This all right?" He murmured in her ear._

_ "Uh-huh!" She squeezed him back emphatically. The friction of the floor under her, roughly rubbing the top of her nether lips, made it better than okay. "Is this- something you like?" She groaned out, her hips bucking under him, pressing her cheeks into his groin harder and harder with each thrust._

_ "Yes! God, yes! I love you so much, Pet." He hoisted her up so he could put his arms under, protect her front from rug burn. "I'm gonna cum before you, Buffy, can't hold it, so bloody- in love with you." He gritted his teeth and spoke into her shoulder. _

_ "It's okay. You'll get me later?" She moaned, grinding to him, nearly to the brink herself._

_ "What? No! Jus' want to push you along a bit." He raised her to her knees again, holding her up with one arm until her hands took over to support her. He reached up, tilting her head back to him, sliding two fingers into her mouth. She sucked them expertly, like she sucked everything of his. "Your mouth is a bleedin' natural wonder." He grunted, and then slipped them from her mouth to her clit. _

_ "Ooohhhh." Her breath seeped out, and her muscles went rigid in pleasure._

_ "Not gonna cum 'til you do if I can help it, Luv. Gotta make you cum fast tonight, or I'll finish first. Don't wanna do that. Not- the thing for a man- to do." Her sudden scream echoed off the walls and she drained him, milked him as he massaged her swollen pearl and pressed himself hard to her sweet spot inside. They collapsed, her under him, smiling beatifically. "Good?" He asked with a spent chuckle. She nodded._

_ "Go change, Pet." He rolled off her with one more kiss to her sweating neck, and roughly rearranged his clothes, wiping her juices off his finger with a swift lick. "If the housekeeper didn't already spill the beans to the manager about the damage we've done, now he'll be on his way up here lookin' to find the pair who growl like panthers and scream like demons when they make love. Prolly woke the whole damn hotel." _

_ "You made me." She squeezed his rear playfully as he began packing their belongings into their new brown leather knapsacks and duffle bags. She stifled a yawn and shimmied into a new pair of pajama pants that Dawn had picked out, and slinky white top, not caring that her black bra was clearly visible under it. "I'm sorry," she yawned and began helping him pack. "I think I'm gonna end up falling asleep in the car."_

_ "No worries." He rubbed her neck, motioning for her to take care of the wedding gown and her new cocktail dress while he easily carried the rest of their hastily gathered belongings. "Sorry it's so roughshod, Luv, we'll pack proper when we stop for the night."_

_ "No worries yourself." She used one of his favorite phrases and they shared an in-love smile. The kind where you know everything would be corny to the outside observer, but you don't care, because in your rosy world, there _are _no outside observers anymore. She prepared to open the door, and Spike put his hand on her arm. "What is it?"_

_ "Stealthy." He cautioned. He looked at her feet. Now shod in running shoes, the heels slung carelessly into a bag. "No trippin', no loud gigglin', and I suggest Slayer speed."_

_ "You don't have to teach me." She said in a rancorous tone. "I can remind you of some not-so-neat entrances or exits you've made!"_

_ "You're right. I'm sorry, Baby." He nuzzled her cheek with his lips, looking into her eyes with his crystalline sapphires. "Forgive me?"_

_ "Yes." She replied, breath temporarily on hiatus. That whole expression of utter devotion and humility, wrapped in that hot as hell package undid her every time. "C'mon, race you to the car." She licked her lips. "Winner gets to choose tonight's activities."_

_ "Figured we'd try the posh restaurant hunt again-" She froze him with a look. "Ah. _Other_ activities." She nodded once, silently, lips freshly glossed with a dart of her little pink tongue. Imagining a night getting to tell her exactly what to do with her bountiful talents... Not that they needed a contest to help them express their desires, but it did make it a lot more fun, especially for a uniquely competitive pair such as themselves. "You're on, Slayer." He pumped her hand once, and shoved her backwards, not enough to make her fall, enough to make her lose her balance for a second, and then ran. _

_ She still beat him. And he'd pissed her off. "You are so gonna pay for that tonight." She threatened as she slid into the car. Spike looked at her stern expression and she thought she saw a flicker of actual worry in his eyes. "You'll like it. I promise." She softened. He shrugged easily. "Spike! You weren't actually worried I'd... after all we tried out the year I came back-"_

_ "No! Not like that." Spike screeched into reverse and jerked out into the Vegas strip as Buffy flipped through stations, trying to find something that would keep them alert at quarter to three in the morning. "Jus' don't want to make you mad at me. For real. Not anymore. Know I will, jus' not lookin' forward to it."_

_ "That wasn't mad. And you know that, you big doofus! Me, angry at you, ends up with my fist in your face. That was- playfully irritated." She leaned against him as he drove, peering through the magical gray film Willow had left behind. The bright lights were reduced to a streaky water color. "Never worry about making me mad." He jerked an eyebrow up in disbelief. "You should avoid making me mad at all costs," she twirled his hair beneath her fingers as she leaned more deeply into his shoulder._

_ "That's more like it." He rested his head on hers._

_ "But don't worry about me hurting you or something. More than a swift kick to the head." _I'm not like that anymore... _We're_ not like that anymore.

_ "An' that's just foreplay for us." He teased back. He put his foot down to the floor, bolting through Vegas, eager to be out on the highway, planning to drive as fast as possible, as long as possible, until they got to the Denver area at least, if not the next big city._

_ "I had a really nice time with you tonight." Buffy snuggled sleepily against him. _

_ "My sweet girl." He breathed, eyes focusing inward. She was so beautiful in that shiny black number, little bits of reflective stuff all over her dress, making her sparkle, making every man in the room look at her, and see her on his arm. Openly, unashamedly, on his arm._

_ "I love this." She whispered in an even drowsier voice._

_ "What's that, Luv?"_

_ "Listening to you think about me. Kind of like a bedtime story. Keep thinking about tonight?"_

_ "It's all I can bloody think about." He admitted, and willingly let his mind wander back. First hint of dusk and they were out of the room. They had found a butcher's, he'd drank two solid pints of beef blood straight down and chased it with a whiskey from the nearest casino. Then they walked, slowly, looking at all the lights and the happy, drunken, silly people, walking hand in hand or arm in arm until they reached a row of boutiques and shops. She'd seen the dress in the window and her feet had frozen. 'Can I get it for you, Pet?' He'd offered, loving the chance to buy her a gift, buy her something real and simple, a pretty outfit, a box of candy, a little handbag, whatever. Wonder of wonders, she accepted it._

_ "Of course I did." She protested aloud._

_ "Hey! You tell the story then." He insisted. She opened her mouth and he tapped her nose. "No. From in here. Practice makes perfect."_

_ "We'll be able to be all super sneaky on patrol." She smiled at him, pleased with the idea. A frown settled on her face as she tried to 'think' to him. The frown intensified and she let out a huff of frustration. "I can't do this!"_

_ "You're tryin' too hard. Just think. Just remember. Let _me_ tap into _you_._

_ She settled into her seat, finding the power recline button and suddenly yelped as she went all the way back. He laughed helplessly, reaching over to rub her stomach in tender circles. "Just stay there, Buffy. Sleep if you like. Just think on our night together, would love to see it from inside your mind."_

I put on the dress and you rolled up my clothes in your pocket. The next store that sold luggage, you bought us each a duffle and knapsack. 'Bugger the price, this is ridiculous, haulin' all this gear about in plastic shoppin' bags.' But of course then we had all sorts of stuff to carry so we walked back to the hotel, put everything in the car, and left again, in the opposite direction.

_ She realized she wasn't so much thinking of events as telling a story inside her head, and it was nowhere near as nice and relaxing as Spike's flowing memories. She shook her head and started just recalling events, disjointed and out of order maybe, but uniquely hers._

We go to a fancy place, the place you need a reservation for, but we get in. With Spike, you always get in. He has that effect on people.

_ "Too right I do." He chortled aloud. Buffy, delighted that this nonverbal communication was clicking, returned to her trip down memory lane. _

And here we go- we find out- that I eat like a guy. I want a burger. All the fancy food on the menu looks awesome and intimidates the hell out of me. I know my husband wants to educate me and class me up-

_ "I want no such thing! You'd be daft to even try to put another ounce of wonderful on a girl like you. Want to give you all the good things in life is all." Spike said hotly._

_ "I like how you sent the appetizer back, took the bottle of wine, and left before the waiter could come back." Buffy giggled, switching back to speaking aloud._

_ "My girl wants a burger, she gets a burger."_

_ "Probably only in Las Vegas do they have B.Y.O.B. burger joints. And that was our big night. Burgers and my first bottle of actually respectable wine."_

_ "You forget, dearest, our night of dancin'." Spike added with a smirk._

_ "And yet more wine."_

_ "Which leads to you- loosenin' up in beautiful, beautiful ways, Luv." Spike closed his eyes and rolled his head back, remembering. They ended up behind the potted plants off the stage. Speakers bloody near killed them, but at least they covered the noise._

_ "I've danced like that before! I can dance just fine without alcohol." Buffy protested, words still blurring slightly with drink and tiredness._

_ "But not with me." He pointed out in a soft, burning voice. _She laid her head on my chest. She looked at me, not at any other bloke in the place. And that dress was molded to her, but she did her damnedest to get it melted onto me. And that girl can dance...

_ "You're not so bad yourself." Buffy squeezed his hand as it lay on her chest. That was true. He radiated masculinity and sex when he was on the floor. All burning blue eyes and tight rippling muscles, holding her close. Holding her from the front, the side, behind, always his hips locked with hers. This is sex, he seemed to tell her, all of us, always, it was always sex. See, if you had only danced with me when I asked, we could have done it this way, instead of that violent game we played for so long..._

_ She gave off sensuality from every inch of her. She didn't have to press into him like that, although he was bloody glad she did, but it was all in her eyes. She looked up at you and she didn't "undress you with her eyes" as the phrase was. She wrapped you up in them, pulled you in and told you what it would be like when she loved you, when she was wrapped around you. Then she did wrap around you, hands round your head, lips on yours, legs tangling in and out without hesitation, perfectly in rhythm with you._

_ "I lied earlier." Buffy looked up at him. "I'm not a very good dancer. But it wasn't the wine that did it. It's you. I've always known how to move- when I'm with you."_

* * *

"They only need me to go over a fight scene with Ellie." Jim explained. "We'll be in and out by lunch. And Sul and I are going to have a practice, and we're going to make our girl a special dinner."

"I'm making the dessert!" Sul proclaimed.

Ess and Jim lay side by side on mats in the exercise room, the miniature, sandy haired version of Jim was perched on the windowsill, munching his bowl of cereal and looking down at them. "Do I get to see you two fighting today?"

"I don't think so." Ess said quickly. "I'm gonna grab a shower." She stretched once more and pulled herself up, offering Jim a hand as well. He rose, pressed her into his arms and a kiss. Sullivan groaned and hopped off the sill.

"I'll get dressed." He sighed.

"Do you think we're going too heavy on the smooching?" Ess asked worriedly, watching the six year old take off. "He'll be gone in four d-"

"Stop." Jim clutched his stomach. "Just don't say it. I feel sick every time I think of it."

"I- I'm sorry." Ess ran her hands over his head, pressing him closer to her. Last year, had he been like this? Had she even noticed if he was miserable at work? Not really. He'd been very into his work last year at the beginning of the season. Plus Sul had gone home earlier, maybe he'd had more time to cope. "I didn't mean to-"

"No. I'm sorry, You'll miss him, too." Jim sighed. "You called him your little boy yesterday, did you know that?"

"Yeah." She admitted softly. "And I want the rest of this week to be awesome for him. Should I- stop pawing you so much?"

"No. Happy parents who show affection make for kids who are loving and stable themselves. Now, you mentioned a shower?" He curled his tongue behind his teeth, jaw jutting slightly as he tempted her.

"Jim! Sul's right upstairs!" She giggled.

"Then you'd better hurry, and you'd better be quiet." Jim warned.

"Jimmy-" she hesitated, and he pulled her along behind him.

"I need a shower too, you know. The fact that your hot, wet body happens to be between mine and the soap is of no consequence." Jim lectured, ignoring her yips of laughter and protest.

* * *

Sul and Jim met up with Ellie in the training room. "Sit in this chair, Sullivan. And don't _move_." Jim said in his most threatening fatherly tone.

"Are you going to fight?" Sully bounced on his toes as he sat in a corner folding chair. "Hi Ellie!"

"Hi yourself." Ellie, Anya's character, smiled sweetly.

"No, Sul. Not fight so much as get a lot of instructions and practice a few times. Isn't Ess in on this fight?"

"Yeah, but she's finishing up the basement stuff today so they can spend all day tomorrow on location." Ellie pulled her hair up in a bun, and Jim shook out his arms. A ten second brawl- thirty minutes of practice, and thirty minutes or more of filming. His not to reason why...

The trainer came on and all was seriousness. He and Ellie practiced their brief battle, laughing slightly as he grabbed her by the shoulders, practiced their skids and their fake glides through the air. The trainer dragged several sturdy pieces of wood in place to represent tables that Jim would jump onto. Sully almost died with excitement when Jim told him about the flying cables they'd use for the real filming.

Fairly quickly, Jim and Ellie were given the trainer's seal of approval, ran the scene once more, with dialogue, which Ellie edited once or twice since a minor was there, and were pronounced free to go for the day.

"We'll just see if Ess's free and then-" Jim was saying to Sully when the lady in question came in, a nervous expression on her face.

"The corpse boy lost his cloudy contact lenses and then his whole face fell off. Doug's pissed. They're making him up again, and they sent me over to run the fight scene with you and Ellie real quick."

"Okay..." Jim looked over at his son. "Is Max around?"

"No, he and 'corpse girl' are practicing their fight on the girls' room set." Ess replied, arms crossing protectively over her chest. "We don't have long."

"Figures." Jim sighed. "Sul! You get your wish." He said in a falsely bright tone. "Daddy and Ess are gonna duke it out."

"Yayyy!" Sully crouched on his knees in his seat, clutching his sides in glee. "This is gonna be so cool. Ellie, did you ever see them fight before? They do it all the time in the exercise room."

"Sparring." Jim and Ess amended. Ellie looked amused.

"I've seen these two fight a lot. They're good. Way better than me." She laughed.

Ess pulled off her white blouse to reveal a white cami underneath. "Okay, let's do this."

"Try it with dialogue if you're in a rush. Jim is already pretty solid in his moves." The trainer suggested.

"Right." Ess agreed. "Um- Spike calls Anya something." She whispered to Jim who rolled his eyes. "I know-"

"I know my lines. I'm gonna call her something else instead." He patted her arm quickly.

"Let's go! Ellie, Jim, up first! Ess, hang back to where camera left would be."

They began again, and Jim knew he had to forget Sully was there, or he couldn't get into it, and he couldn't be sloppy in his stunts. Sloppiness equals a wrongly timed punch, a misplaced kick, someone's pain, maybe yours, maybe your co-star's. And if the partner was Ess, there was no earthly way pain was tolerable. Ellie grabbed his arm, hard, for real, and he cried "I said, 'you shut up'!", punched her, pulling it, but she fell and slid like it had connected.

"I'm so gonna kick your butt." She hissed at him, leaping up.

"Right, witch! Round and round we go-"

Ess grabbed his shoulders and he put his whole body into the turn, letting a snarl crease his face in the absence of his vamp makeup. Her face was hard, eyes furious, just like Buffy's would have been. "You haven't changed a bit, Spike." she spat, pounding into his chin. He threw his head back as if her hand had connected and returned the blow. Ess gathered up her strength and hit him, again, again, again, walking him back, the trainer calling "Left, right, left, Jim- big lean back and then -"

He was in her face, neck craning to sneer at her, arms open at sides, challenging her, daring her to take another swing. "Working out some personal issues, are we?" He continued to use his character voice.

Ess and he exchanged another volley of realistic punches and kicks, until the trainer cued him to speak. "Hey, I guess this'll be first contact since... you know when. Oh, up for another round in the balcony, then?" Spike would have no trouble throwing that in her face, Jim thought, and he loathed his character right then. And maybe Ess did, too. There was more brutality in both of them as they "fought". She shoved him hard to the floor, and he regrouped, stood, laughed in her face. "Right you are, Luv. Haven't changed. Not a lick. And watching your face, trying to figure me out was absolutely delicious."

"That's when Max comes in." Ellie called, and Jim and Ess relaxed.

"That's really good. Ess, just remember he'll have the game face on, so keep the contact to the cheeks light."

"I know." She said with an exasperated groan, tired of being reminded at the beginning of each season for the last six years, as if she'd forgotten everything over the summer.

"Daddy?" Sully's voice was low and constricted. Ess and Jim whirled from the trainer and Ellie to face him. He no longer looked thrilled.

"Sul!" Jim covered the distance in a second and dropped to his knees. "Sulster, what's wrong?" Ess was kneeling beside him now, and Sully looked between them, confusion and worry on his face.

"Are you- mad at each other? Are you gonna get a divorce? Or a de-" he pointed to Ess's hand. "Oh no! The ring isn't on!" Sully's mouth opened in a stricken quiver and Jim took him in his arms.

"Oh, no, no, sweetie." Jim rocked him, motioning Ess to come in and assist.

"I take my ring off so I don't lose it. It's so precious to me, Sully. It's right in my dressing room. And when I come home tonight, it'll be back on my hand. I promise. It'll never come off and stay off."

"You're not mad?" He asked again, tearfully.

"No!" Jim cursed himself, cursed television, and wondered why he hadn't stuck to Shakespeare and Chekhov, where no one under the age of ten understood anything anyway. "You know this is an act, Sul. You see us 'practice fight' all the time. It's so we don't get hurt. Ess and I never actually hit each other, we just put our hands on softly. Essie, hit me, right on the cheek."

"C'mere, Sulster, stand with me, put your hand on my arm." Ess drew back and hit Jim in slow motion, holding him around the waist, making sure his hand stayed on hers so he could feel the force and feel when it slackened off. "See how it stops as it touches the other person? No force behind it. I love your dad. I'm never gonna hurt him." Sullivan nodded, but looked reticent.

"Your faces changed." Sul said accusingly. "All mean. You don't do that at home."

"You're right. But this is real practice. We have a script, and it tells us how to act, what expressions to use. Our characters are angry at each other right now, in the _show_. In real life, I love Ess and she loves me. And we both love you."

"Kiss?" Sully asked for one final proof. Jim grinned widely and mouthed "Told you so" to Ess before kissing her hard and deep. "Okay." The little guy appeared reassured. "No one kisses like that when they're mad at each other. It's too gross unless you love the person, right?"

"Absolutely. And you remember that when you're thirteen." Jim urged. "All better?"

"Yeah." He looked between them and nodded. "I'm okay. I didn't mean to get scared."

Ess just had a flashback. "Hey, Sul! I just remembered something! When you were just a baby- not even two, your mom brought you to the set. Your dad had forgotten something at home, I guess." Jim looked at her expectantly. "Your dad had his vampire face on. And you were so freaked out at first."

"I was?" Sul looked at his father for confirmation and he nodded, eyes aglow as he recalled that day.

"You were. You looked at me and were about to start wailing when Mommy put you in my arms. And then you stopped. You looked at me. And you recognized me, even under all the bumps and fangs. Even though you were a little, tiny guy then, you knew it was me under the mask." Jim looked at Ess and then back at Sully, speaking gravely, "Sometimes masks aren't made out of rubber and paint. Sometimes it's just the way we arrange our expressions. But it's always _us _inside." He tapped his chest lightly, and Ess nodded, hands tracing nervously over her heart. "Trust what you know, not what you see. You know we love each other and we love you."

"I love you too!" Sully threw his arms around Ess and Jim' necks suddenly. "I'll stop watching your faces so hard." He smiled up at them. "I'll try to remember you at home instead." He tugged Jim' wrist. "Can we go home now?"

"Let's." Jim kissed Ess goodbye, and Sully hugged her hard around the waist before they left.

* * *

The three of them sat around the table that night. Greek chicken and pasta was pushed to one side of the table as the three figures bent over a a hand of Go Fish. In the center of the table was a plate of oddly square cookies. Sullivan's first foray into the world of dessert was persuading Jim to buy him pre-made dough squares and let him pop them off their little sheet, onto an aluminum pan, and bake them himself.

"Best cookies I've ever had." Essie smiled at him.

"Thank you." He blushed. "Do you have any Louie Lobsters?"

"Darn, you're good!" The petite blonde exclaimed and forked over two cards. He took the cards, an extra wide smile on his face as he noticed, for the hundredth time that night, that Essie still had her ring on. Jim caught the look and winked.

"We're staying together, Sul. Count on it."

* * *

_"Are you actually driving 110 miles per hour?" Buffy cried. The clock radio said 8:30. She had dozed off, after all. Now, struggling with the reclining function on her seat, she strove to sit up and read the speedometer._

_ "Well, well. Look who's awake an' back to abidin' by the rules." Spike grinned._

_ "Spike! Slow down! You're gonna get us killed!"_

_ "Can't kill us, Baby." He purred easily. "Besides, we're makin' time hand over fist here. I'm thinkin' we'll overshoot Denver and stop at the next good sized town with a nightlife worth seein'."_

_ "I don't need dancing every night. We could try the fancy restaurant and find a nice hotel again."_

_ "That's good to know, but I still plan on takin' you out, an' showin' you off. I love you. Wanna give you the best honeymoon I can, an' here we are on a bleedin' road trip because yours truly can't risk a plane ride exposin' me to Mr. Sun."_

_ "Hey, no beating up my vampy husband." She pouted. His look spoke volumes, a lot of them about the massive size his ego would swell to if she called him her husband in that cute, possessive tone. She changed her demeanor. "Besides, everyone else is driving, why should they be the only ones to suffer? Oh! I should call them! They must be frantic!" Buffy fumbled in her purse for her cell phone. "And I really need to stop and use the bathroom."_

_ "Need gas again anyway." Spike swerved into the right lane. "Exit in a few."_

_ "I can't find my phone!" She muttered angrily. _

_ "Take mine and call yours." Spike reached into the cup holder and fished out his cell, passing it to her, eyes still ahead as he raced around a tractor trailer. "God, I've missed havin' a car. Wonder if I can find an old De Soto wherever we're headin'."_

_ "Seriously? How about something not so _old_?" Buffy suggested._

_ Spike swallowed his retort. He could do something nice here, prove himself to her again. He wanted to do that as many times as possible, now that he had a chance. "How about a black Jeep, Luv? Like your Mum's?" He risked a look at her. She had dropped her hand from her ear to her lap. "Pet?" She nodded silently. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I thought it was a nice idea." He sighed. Bollocks. He wasn't as good at being thoughtful as he'd supposed._

_ "It is! I love that idea! I love you. You keep doing so many nice things for me. And I act stupid over you having a car. I bet you had your car forever." She pushed herself up on her knees and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Let's get something you like. You know I'm not large with the driving. I'm strictly pedestrian."_

_ "Yeah, an' strictly an easy target for the beasties in our new town if it's a big city. You learn to drive, Luv." She opened her mouth in protest. "No, Buffy, not just know _how _to drive, actually really get good at it."_

_ "Is that an order? 'Cause I didn't promise to obey." She said feistily._

_ "No, it isn't. An' I didn't ask you to." He said in a carefully controlled voice. Then smirked and muttered, "I'm not a bleedin' idiot. Askin' you to obey is like askin' the soddin' sun not to move east to west." _

_ "Hey!" She punched his arm, causing the car to swerve and he rumbled out an annoyed curse. "I guess you're right though. Not exactly the 'do-as-I'm- told' poster girl."_

_ "Which is why you're with me, Luv, and why I love you so much." He sidled into the exit ramp and gave her a meaningful stare as they stopped in the flow of early morning commuter traffic. "I'm not givin' you orders. I'm your husband, though, Buffy. I meant my vows. Swore I'd protect you. Learn to drive, Pet, get good at it. Jus' in case you ever need it. I promise I'll be a good teacher." He added his last line seductively. _

_ "How did I resist you for so long?" Buffy demanded after a moment of cathartic silence._

_ "Ah, Precious. Mystery of the universe, that is." Spike rolled the car to a rest stop parking space, and pulled his duster up over his face, tucking his hand up the sleeve. "Take your time. Get some snacks for the trip. I'll wait here til you get back, then we'll fill up." He peeked over the edge of his collar._

_ "I'll tap on the glass before I get in so I don't dust you." She informed him. "Oh, call my phone. I want that in there- in case. I feel weird, Spike. Shouldn't something bad happen to us by now?"_

_ "Prolly, Luv. But-" he grabbed his phone and dialed hers, waiting to hear the ringing begin. "I figure the bads'll be here in no time, might as well enjoy the happiest time of my life or death." He smiled as Buffy found her phone, in her purse, naturally, and she gave him a radiant smile. _

_ "You're right. Trouble always finds me anyway. Why tell it to hurry up and get here, right?"_

_ "Right. 'Sides, Pet. You come with a side of trouble now. Maybe the bads got wise."_

_ "You are pretty vicious when you want to be." She smiled. Then stage whispered, "But I don't think you're exactly evil repellent. Trouble's waiting for us somewhere."_

_ She slid out the car door in a flash, slayer speed and agility in use. Probably alarming the hell out of the other patrons, Spike thought with a soft laugh. He closed his eyes for a moment, finally admitting to himself that he'd been awake for most of the last 24 hours. He rested, a happy smile on his lips. Trouble was waiting for them all right. Trouble wasn't much of a bother now, not being nearly immortal, with a crack team of wiccas and good guys on your side. Ah. Yes. Trouble. Came in many forms. He groaned and his peaceful smile was replaced with a look resembling a sudden twinge of toothache. Surviving living with Niblet. And the whelp. And Rupes. And Red. Not so much Red, but whoever Red's next bird would be._

* * *

_ Xander and Willow were sprawled in the very back of the van. Giles was driving, singing "Stairway to Heaven" in a voice that melted the ladies (and made Xander feel strangely icked -it should be illegal that a dusty old guy could make women go all gooey). Willow was propped up against a door, and he was propped against her, head in her lap. Silent. Both silent._

_ Willow's silence was quietly reflective. _Here we go, self. Off to do my dream job in a new, exciting city. At least, I think it's exciting. I bet it is. Big evil mojo headwaters. Gotta be exciting. And I'm with all my friends._ Her internal monologue ended abruptly. Not _all_ her friends. She stroked Xander's hair comfortingly._

_ His silence was different. Not deep or thoughtful. Simply empty. You can put the hollowness of a missing half away for only so long. If you're busy, if you need to survive. If someone keeps you going. He looked up at Willow. A ghost of a smile surfaced on his face, much paler and thinner than it had been only three days ago. _

_ Why eat? Anya wasn't eating. Was she even in heaven? Maybe she was waiting for him. Would he find her someday, would he get the rare second chance? Willow's eyes captured his again. They were haunted, worried, concern for him pooling up in those eyes. "Not leaving here, until you go with me." He whispered suddenly. Her eyes flashed in distress. _

_ "L-leaving? You're leaving? _Leaving_?" Her voice rose to a frantic whine in a split second. Dawn slurred something in her sleep and Giles cast an anxious look towards them in the rearview mirror._

_ "You know how people get second chances, Will?" _

_ "Yeah?" She asked in a shaky voice._

_ "I know it's probably supposed to be for the one great love of your life, but I think I'm gonna take it with my best friend."_

_ "Xander, you're not making sense." She hissed. "Giles, could we-"_

_ "Finding a rest stop!" He shouted back._

_ "Peeing isn't going to change this." He laughed weakly. "I was just thinking. Sometimes, in life, we get these special second chances."_

_ "Like Spike and Buffy?"_

_ "Yeah. Or like you and me. We both survive something that should have killed us all. And Anya- Ahn didn't." He swallowed the pain in his throat and pressed on. "I bet I could look for her forever, and not find her. I can't navigate a singles' bar, how would I do with dimensions?"_

_ "It'd be icky." She whispered, a tiny grin on her face._

_ "So- I figure, maybe she'd want me to be safe. She was very big on me being safe." He shook his head in amazement. _She put me first- when it counted. Always when it counted...

_ "This is true." Willow admitted. "She loved you with her whole heart."_

_ "And I love her with mine." He whispered, a single tear overflowing, unbidden. "And I love you with my whole heart, too. Must be a freak, one eye, two hearts. But I'm thinking, maybe we can get the second chance? We can live for a little longer, be happy. Stay with our best friends? And then, when we think we've got this roadmap to the cosmos down, we can go find Anya and Tara together."_

_ "Xander, I don't think I can ever get that kind of magic down..." She explained gently._

_ "I know that, Will." He answered, just as quietly._

_ A shuddering sob burst from her suddenly and his own was a half minute behind. Giles did his impression of a grand prix ace and floored them in and out of cars until they jerked into a weigh station just over the Nebraska border. _

_ "We- didn't even have a funeral for her." Xander choked out. "For any of them." _

_ "We will, I promise we will. A memorial service. An-and we'll plant a tree for each one. We'll plant a rosebush for Anya. 'Cause, you know, she was all prickly and irritating- but she had something beautiful about her?" Willow gasped out in between her own sobs. _

_ "And a willow for Tara." Xander stroked her hair, clutching it, tugging it as he clung to her in the wave of his despair. " 'Cause she was yours. And she'll always be yours. They'll always be ours, no one can take them from us in here." Xander clutched his chest and Willow nodded her agreement, crying too hard to speak, a long wail reverberating off the metallic ceiling of the van._

_ Dawn woke up, startled, screaming, "Buffy! NO!", which only caused an upswing in the crying that filled the air. "Oh my God." Dawn tripped over luggage, books, and laptops and landed in the far back with them, frantically hugging, sobbing as well. "What happened? Who else died? It was a dream, wasn't it? She's really gone- again!" Willow choked out a reassurance that Buffy was fine and continued to weep. Dawn confused, hugged both of her sobbing friends harder and looked for Giles to step in and make sense of things._

_ Giles surveyed the cluttered path between him and the huddled figures, and jumped out of the van. He wrenched the door open from the back and peered in, looking at his passengers as if they were all insane. "Dear Lord! Are you both all right? I thought you were asleep! And then this weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth! " Giles ripped off his glasses and pressed a hand to his chest. "Are- this is such an inadequate question- you okay?"_

_ "Just missing Anya." Xander whispered. Dawn hugged him more tightly. _

_ "Don't cry, Xander." She tried to comfort him. "No! I mean- cry if you need to. I- I see a lot of dead stuff, and I don't think I'm getting better at comforting. Giles- can the Watchers teach a course in comforting at the new Academy?"_

_ "They're British." Xander said, precluding Giles fumbling answer._

_ "I resent that! No, it's just- we're no better equipped than anyone else, Dawn. We like to pretend we are. But all we are is a lot of rather reserved individuals who know a bit more than is customary about the seamier side of existence. We have no special insight into the human heart." Giles put his glasses on, and stepped into the van. " Now- I'm not actually good at this..." he warned, before hugging them all, Dawn at his chest, Xander and Willow under one arm each. "I've never been a father, and yet sometimes I'd swear I had three daughters and a son." After a moment of emotional silence, the three youngsters he was patting awkwardly started crying afresh. "Dammit. I did tell you! I'm not very good at this..." He rolled his head back and looked at the ceiling of the van. _I wish Buffy was here. Heaven forbid I say that aloud, I'll drown. God, I even wish Spike was here. He'd have them all too annoyed to even think of crying.

* * *

_ "Fill 'er up, mate." Spike stuck two twenties out a slit in the window. The attendant tried to peer inside and was met with a flash of black leather and a glimpse of a pretty pair of green eyes. "What'd you get, Luv?" Spike rolled up the window and blew on his fingers that had been about to combust._

_ "I got some spicy buffalo flavored chips for you, and a coke for each of us, and some popcorn for me. And some water bottles." She peered out the window and fiddled with the radio. They would have to learn to find something between easy listening and punk if they were both awake in the car. Or argue and insult each other's taste in music for the next six hours or so. Either way could be fun..._

_ "Keep the change." Spike yelled through the window, knowing at best the change would be a couple dollars. He tooted the horn once and drove off, tearing into the bag of chips as he shrugged out of his duster._

_ "Do you even know where we're at?" Buffy laughed as she watched him maneuver onto the highway, speedometer already climbing past 80 mph. _

_ "Know we crossed into Colorado over an hour ago. Oh, and you? When you sleep? You dream about me..."_

_ "I do not." She blushed. She _had_ been awfully damp when she woke up._

_ "No shame in it. You're all I bloody dream about." He smiled at her rosy cheeks. _

_ "Oh, Spike..." She rubbed his arm lovingly. And then stopped herself. "I dreamed about you and me. And dark restaurants where the menu was in Italian or Greek or something, for some reason..."_

_ "Means you love me an' you were hungry. An' you're scared of poncey waiters." He licked his lips suggestively. "Prolly also means you want a chunk of Spike to fill you up for dessert." She moaned softly and rolled her hips in her seat. _

_ "I'm gonna call Dawn." _

_ "What? Wasn't expectin' that." He muttered at the abrupt change of subject._

_ "Purely self-preservation. If I don't get my mind off it, I'm going to ask you to pull off and let me love you all over."_

_ "But that sounds like a very tasty idea." He hinted, licking his lips. "And I'll return the favor..."_

_ "But that puts us behind and you at risk of extra crispiness. With my luck I'll kick out a window and end up making love to Spike flambé." Buffy ended her tormented, longing thoughts about burying his beautiful paleness inside her quivering pink slit, watching him turn from moon silver-white to a dusky cream when he soaked up her heat. _

_ "Buffy..." he could pick up her thoughts. "God, Baby..." He started to unzip._

_ "I gotta call Dawn! First." She punched in her sister's number frantically._

* * *

_ "It's Buffy!" Dawn snapped open her phone, disentangling herself from the heap of sad people. Giles sighed in relief, muttering,_

_ "About bloody time!" They were back on the road, hell bent on reaching Illinois today._

_ "Buffy! We're so glad you called! Are you okay?" Dawn squealed._

_ "We're good. Safe. No problems. Are you guys okay?" Buffy replied with a smile in every syllable._

_ "Just had a major cry-fest. But now were mostly okay."_

_ "Oh no. Xander? Willow?"_

_ "Yeah. You know." Dawn changed her topic, not wanting to immerse anyone in more misery. "So- how's the honeymoon so far?"_

_ "Nice." Buffy blushed, and even though Dawn couldn't see her sister's face, she knew her well enough to know that she was bright pink._

_ "Just nice?"_

_ "_Very_ nice." She amended._

_ Dawn's voice dropped to a whisper. "Did you guys- you know?"_

_ "Uh- well, yeah. I mean, Dawn, you know we did that before, right?"_

_ "Oh, I know you used to have crazy obnoxious sex, I just meant did you actually-" Dawn dropped her voice even more, 'til only someone with extrasensory hearing could perceive her words, "love each other? Like- like, are you gonna make me say it out loud?"_

_ "Oh. _That._ Of course we did." Buffy's voice was soothing. "You know he loves me, and I love him. It won't be like before."_

_ "I figured it wouldn't be." Dawn's tone reverted to that of a perky 16 year old._

_ "And just how much do you know about this?" Buffy's voice became accusatory and parental. _

_ "What's up, Luv?" Spike asked with concern._

_ "Dawn's talking about sex." Buffy snapped._

_ "WHAT?" Spike sounded completely unhinged for a moment before leaning over and screaming into the phone. "Niblet! What in hell are you playin' at?"_

_ Dawn just giggled. "Hi Spike." She cooed. " You guys are, like, so old. Of course I know about sex. Hello, lived with horny twenty year olds for the last two years."_

_ "But you haven't?" Buffy forced herself to ask, promising herself she wouldn't vomit on her shoes if the answer was yes._

_ "No! Sunnydale guys are so icky. Besides, I wanna wait til I find someone like Spike or Xander. The long haul guys."_

_ "But not undead, right, honey?" Buffy pleaded, ignoring Spike's frown._

_ "Hopefully not." Dawn giggled. "Come on! Tell me what you did after we left. Not the- bedroom stuff- but the other couple-y things."_

_ "We went dancing at this amazing place, they had waterfalls inside. Made the Bronze look like a dive."_

_ The sisters exchanged some light and fluffy conversation for awhile. Spike wouldn't admit it to anyone but his other half, but he was delighted just to get to sit beside his girl and listen to her talk. About the mundane things. Like normal. Like she wanted._

_ "Dawn, hand me the phone, please?" Giles' polite voice wavered through and in a moment Buffy found herself speaking to him. "Buffy, I hear you're quite well. And from Dawn's ear piercing shrieks, that you danced in a new black dress under a waterfall?"_

_ "Miscommunication. Slightly, anyway." Buffy laughed. "So, what's new on the Watcher front?"_

_ "Well, we've identified our new 'hometown', as it were. Pine Ridge, New York. It's the beginning of a locus line that has immensely evil properties. It's about an hour above New York City, and it connects four major populaces, all of them feeding the line, and vice versa. We've not had time to research it yet, but Willow suggested earlier that we book into a place with internet access for all of us, and we'll start finding out information. Strange crimes, high mortality rates, unusually competitive pricing for funeral homes, that sort of thing." _

_ "Great. All business as usual." She sighed. "Could you look up some other things?"_

_ "Of course, Buffy. Magic shops, libraries, training facilities?"_

_ "I was thinking more like community college and what are the schools like, and two bedroom apartments with washer/dryer hook up, but yeah, those things are nice, too."_

_ "Right, the basics. I'll pass you back to Dawn, then." Giles handed the phone back._

_ "I'm gonna go on realtor websites right away! How much was your check? Can we get a house with a pool?"_

_ "No! No house-buying. Not yet, we need to find a house that all of us really like and can live with. Focus on an apartment. Two bedroom. Maybe three, if it's cheap up there. Which it probably won't be. And then if we change our minds and don't like it, at least we can get out of it easily. Get something in a basement if you can. Or at least without a lot of natural light."_

_ "Oi!" Spike leaned in closer to the phone. "None of that! Just 'cause I'm a ruddy creature of the night doesn't mean my girls are gonna live in darkness! Bit, you get an apartment that's on any floor you like, with as many windows as you please. Just get some heavy drapes."_

_ "And I'll find a butcher's." Dawn laughed. "Oh! And cigarettes! Well, I can't buy them, but-"_

_ "No one's buyin' them, Dawn." Spike sighed, words seeping out like a shameful admission. "I'm cuttin' back." Buffy looked at him, all soft and sweet, touched and about to blubber about his goody-goody tendencies. "Here, now. Not like I'm quittin'. I'm just not-" He raked his hand through his hair in frustration. "It's your fault! You two, with your lungs an' breathin' an' all. Can't let a bloke enjoy one of the few perks of bein' dead!"_

_ "Awwww!" Buffy and Dawn rejoined and Spike slammed his fist down on the dash, denting it. _

_ "Sod it all!" Spike seethed. "Look, Luv, I need to talk to Rupes for a mo', pass me over, will you?"_

_ "Spike?" Giles asked hesitantly after a second or two. _

_ "Rupert. We're fine, and your girl's in one piece. All looked after, okay?"_

_ "Well done." He replied dryly. "Did you just want to reassure me?"_

_ "No, I wanted to ask you how to get to the new homestead. I'm headin' for Denver now, what's the route like after that?"_

_ "Oh, we stayed in Denver. It was lovely, they had flurries this morning. I haven't seen snow in the states for almost five years."_

_ "Lovely. Regular meteorological joy, but what about the roads, mate?"_

_ "Stay on I-80 East until you reach Chicago. Then you take- oh dear, is it I-35? Xander! Is it I-35?"_

_ Spike didn't wait for Xander's mumbled reply. "I know my way to New York from Chicago. Had some very nice times in the Big Apple." Spike tried not to think of the city as his killing ground, as the place where he'd solidified his reputation as the slayer of Slayers, killing his second Slayer in the subways. New York had been fun. Loud music, wild parties, hundreds of amazing things to see, things to learn. "We stoppin' off in the city for a bit?"_

_ "We plan to head straight to Pine Ridge. But you two, you do what you'd like. It is your-special time together." Rupert forced the final phrase out. _

_ It would kill Giles, probably for always, that his sweet, sunny girl had fallen for a monster like him. But he was, in his own formerly psychotic way, a solid chap. Dependable, loyal, to death and after. He wouldn't let Buffy down, and if she would only find happiness with Spike, he'd tolerate Spike. _

_ "Thanks, Rupes. Something tells me the missus will want to head straight home to the rest of the family. We'll see you there in one week, as promised." Spike handed the phone back to Buffy, who chirpily demanded to speak to Xander and Willow._

_ Xander and Willow hung up when Buffy's cell phone died. "She forgot to charge hers last night. They were all with the distracted." Willow explained to Dawn and Giles. "They're making really good time, Spike said they'll be in Denver by noon. She'll have her phone charged as soon as they get to a hotel. And in the meantime, Spike's phone is at full battery. We can call him if there's an emergency." Giles nodded wearily and Xander and Willow exchanged a look. "One of us could drive now." She offered._

_ "Or me!" Dawn chimed in. _

_ "NO!" Said the three adults present. _

_ "Wait 'til the next lay by and we'll switch." Giles nodded over his shoulder. "And really, since all of you are disregarding the seatbelt laws anyway, clear up the mess you've made! At least make a path through the rubble." He ordered._

_ "Someone's cranky." Xander muttered, but he began picking up the assortment of wrappers and bags left on the floor and cleared off the back bench seat that he and Willow had been using as a couch. _

_ At the next space wide enough to pull over, Giles stumbled out of the driver's seat, headed straight to the far back, whipped off his glasses and lay down with a blanket over his head._

_ "I think that's the international language for 'Don't wake me unless someone's on fire'." Willow explained with a laugh as she and Xander climbed up front. From under the blanket came the muffled confirmation as Giles called "Bloody right!" and in moments began to wheeze out soft snores._

_ "I'm gonna call Janice and Melinda- they made it out, they left town before-" Dawn stopped and shrugged. "They probably don't remember me or something. I mean, I know the news called it a natural phenomenon, world's largest sinkhole or something, but I bet everyone's forgotten everything that ever went on there. I'm gonna call anyway, and just give them my new number. In case."_

_ 20 minutes of high-impact giggling and squealing later, Xander turned to Willow with a miserable expression. "So much for not remembering her. Does she only have one setting when she's talking to Janice? High-pitched shriek?"_

_ "Mr. Grumpy Pants." Willow mumbled at him. She looked over at him and pouted. "Be nice. I'm glad her friends still remember her. And that they still have cell phones with the same number."_

_ "Guess that means that my parents remember me. Probably holed up with Great Aunt May in Boca Raton. Actually, Aunt May can drink my parents under the table. They probably don't even remember their _own _names. I'm safe!" Xander gave a mock cheer._

_ "My parents have been spelunking in South America for a couple months. I'm glad they're safe, but it kinda bugs me they haven't even tried to call and see how I am..." Willow trailed off. _

_ "Ah yes. The joys of dysfunctional families." Xander leaned back in his seat. "I can't even remember a time you weren't my family." He confessed._

_ "We had to be. Geeks stick together. Plus, the whole parental non-involvement thing." Willow gave his elbow a comforting squeeze. _

_ "I talked to Giles this morning." He said as he returned the gesture with a pat on her arm. "He's fine with us rooming together in the hotel, as long as we get a room that adjoins with Dawn's, or as long as his does. I even offered to take the sofa or sleep on the floor so you two could each have a bed and the three of us share, but I guess he's worried it might raise some eyebrows and the last thing we need is anyone giving us the hairy eyeball."_

_ "It does seem kinda weird." Willow said, not because it did, just because it was probably the right thing to say._

_ "Yeah, well so did about forty people living in Buffy's house and being one of three or four males in a sea of girls."_

_ "You loved it, you know you did." Willow teased._

_ "Maybe, but I'm just saying that living with female roommates doesn't seem that odd to me. Not if they're family. Totally never wanting to live with so many teenaged female strangers again in my LIFE, but I'd be okay if it was you or Dawn."_

_ Willow looked at hims sideways, reading his face. "That's nice. I think- I'd like that."_

_ "What, being roomies?" Xander was partially surprised that she had spoken aloud the same thought that had been tossing in his mind all last night and most of today._

_ "Yeah. If, you know, you don't think it'd be bad." "Shy Willow", "High school dweeb Willow" emerged from her shell of "confident woman Willow" as she waited for his response._

_ "Oh, I think it'd be just _horrible_!" He cried in a loud exaggerated tone. "Will! You big dummy! That'd be awesome!"_

_ "I don't know, Xander." She poked his arm playfully. "You have this thing for attracting evil women." Too late she realized the untimeliness of her remark, but Xander shrugged it off._

_ "Oh yeah, and my paltry little forays into dating evil are _so_ much worse than you turning completely nutso and trying to destroy the world."_

_ "Oh, the gloves are off, huh? You might still be able to drive and fight with one eye, but can you hit the bowl when you pee?"_

_ "You're attacking the man with one eye?" Xander would have tickled her but he knew not to when she was driving. "I think you're just worried cause you'd bring home your hot little wicca buddies and they'd all be wanting a piece of the Xan Man."_

_ "As if!"_

_ "Totally if!" She smacked his leg hard and he stuck his tongue out at her. "Not to mention, who wants to live with all those scary crystals and finding eye of newt in an unmarked bottle in the fridge?"_

_ "I dunno, maybe the same guy who can repeat every commando movie since 1960, word for word!"_

_ "Witch!" He tried to keep the giggle out of his voice._

_ "One-eye!" She spluttered._

_ "Lesbo!" Facade cracked completely and he let out a braying guffaw._

_ "Loser!" She shook as she let herself laugh._

_ "Ummm, Janice? I'm gonna call you back. My friends are insane or they're imploding." Dawn hung up her phone. "Are you two fighting?"_

_ "Us? No!" They replied as one and laughed even harder._

_ "Are you- crazy?" Dawn asked hesitantly._

_ "Yeah!" Again in unison. Willow jerked into the shoulder of the road suddenly. _

_ "Gotta- calm down- laughing- too hard." She gasped. "Oooh. And I have to pee now."_

* * *

"Sul, can I talk to Mom now?" Jim took the phone from Sully. He looked at the back of the utility bill that he'd written the flight information on and prepared for his ex to become businesslike, get the info, and get off the line.

"How are you?" She asked, tone not nearly as glacial as before. Jim heaved a sigh of relief.

"Really good. And kinda miserable, you know, with Sul going home. But he'll be so glad to see you." He tacked on hastily. The last thing he needed to do was piss her off and make her think he was being ungrateful for the extra time he'd gotten to spend with their son this summer.

"I've sure missed him." Anna admitted.

Jim kept quiet. Every time she said those words, he had a short surge of rage. You_ miss him? You have him for over 9 months of the year._ I'm_ the one who effing misses him. _"Yeah, he missed you, too." He said at last. He sighed. _You know if you reversed it, you'd love it, but it'd hurt her._ His son was bound to miss whoever wasn't around. So there wasn't a winner in this situation. "Thanks so much for letting him come out earlier and stay a little later." He said gratefully. "I've never had him for this much of summer vacation. I loved it."

"You're welcome." She replied, and Jim could hear some appreciation in her voice. At least she noticed that he was trying.

He hesitated. He hated himself for thinking this, for having the blind stupidity to ask questions that might upset the delicate balance of civility they had finally attained, but he was going to do it. Plunge right in. Blunder in. Like Spike. And if that thought didn't quell him, nothing would. "Anna? Is anything going on?"

"Like what? Am I getting married?"

"No, not like that- although if you are-"

"I'm not. Although, yeah, I date. I'm not a nun. But it's just dating. I haven't found someone special, like you found Ess." She laughed. "Nothing's going on- I guess. Maybe I've started moving on. He's in full day school this year, and he's flown across the country a ton of times since the split. He's not a baby anymore."

"He's always gonna be your baby, Anna, you're his mom." Jim comforted.

"I'm not saying he isn't my baby. Just that he's not totally dependent on us every second. This summer was nice. By myself. Getting to know, getting to be, _me_ again, instead of just 'someone's mommy'."

Jim laughed. "Good for you. You deserve it." There was a pregnant pause on the phone. "You there?"

"Nothing. Nothing right now anyway." She sighed and the old friend Jim had seen for five minutes dissipated. "I need Sul's flight information."

"I have it." Jim said in a flat monotone, and robotically read her the numbers and listened to her questions. Not even three full days. And he'd be on his own again. He rubbed his sternum where a sudden ache had formed. Not on your own, a comforting voice reminded him, you'll have Ess, too. She won't replace him, but she'll ease the hurt. The ball of pain under his hand released slightly. "Nice talking to you." He smiled slightly as she said her goodbyes, then hung up the phone.

The sounds of badly twangy music and a sweet little voice stirred him to action. "Sulster! Straighten your third finger!"

"I AM!" Sully sounded annoyed. "Can you come show me?"

"I'm coming." Jim smiled to himself. And then frowned. Who was gonna supervise him, make him practice, take him to lessons? _Oh, I don't know, maybe his _mother_? _sniped his caustic inner voice.A jarring pluck made him pick up the pace. _I'll just pay for lessons completely, and then she probably won't mind so much about the practicing. Besides, she's a talented actress herself, she'll want him to take an interest in the arts. The boy has already been to more performances than I had by the time I was in high school..._

_ It just hurts. When he's gone._ Jim rubbed the spot over his aching heart again. It was always like this when he left...

* * *

_"Turn left! That's it!" Buffy bounced up and down in her seat and Spike smiled indulgently._

_ "You're sure about this? That Hyatt Regency sounded like it was close to all the night life, Luv."_

_ "I know, but this one is all Victorian!" Buffy shook a Colorado tourism pamphlet under his nose. "Four poster beds, and claw foot tubs! Even the dining room has those wooden antique-y chairs!" _

_ "I never figured you'd like all those bits and bobs, Luv." Spike swung the car into the right hand lane of traffic. An impressive brown stone hotel suddenly loomed in front of them, like a massive tribute to the roaring twenties erected in the middle of a bustling space age town. "Although, your mum probably taught you all about art and antiques."_

_ "Uh- she tried." Buffy conceded. "Not so big on the paying attention. Kinda tuned her out."_

_ "Then why-"_

_ "For us. For you. It's romantic and it's in the middle of the city but it's very quiet and tranquil inside. See, look. 'A quiet, peaceful haven conveniently located in the heart of-' "_

_ "Save the infomercial, Precious. We can keep goin', you know, we're farther ahead earlier than I expected." He wheedled. In truth, this was going to bring his poetic, nancy-ish side to the front. All the Victorian, "Aren't we old-world?" pictures in the pamphlet and on a nearby billboard already had him reminiscing. Sunshine. Walking in the garden. Writing poetry while sitting in his wicker chair in the lawn. That was what gentlemen scholars did then. He had quite enjoyed it- when he was just William. _

_ That wasn't him. Not any more. And his girl, no, his _wife_, needed him strong, needed him to be her champion, her partner, the little bit of 'monster' that added spice to her 'man'._

_ "Please? Please?" She tugged his heartstrings, not caring if she was playing dirty. He knew how to play dirty, just with a whisper in her ear. "I thought- it would be like a little piece of your old life. Can't I share it with you? Just for a couple days?"_

_ Bloody woman. Playin' him like a soddin' virtuoso. Share his life? Of course she could, it was all he'd ever wanted, from anyone, and above all from her. All the times he had begged for her to let him share her world, and she was askin' for two days in his? "You're my Sweetlet, you know that? My soft spot. My bloody salvation and my downfall all at once. Fine, we'll stay here, Luv. But if I go all poncey and poetic, it's on _you_. Not me. Understood? An' there'll be no mockin' me about it!"_

_ "No. No mocking. And- I don't mind your 'soft' side, Spike." She blushed and looked at her hands. "I'm not really that good with normal guys, you know?"_

_ "Yes, I have to admit I've noticed it." Spike said dryly as he pulled into the canopied valet station, grateful that the awning was wide and would help him stay only slightly "sunburned". He took his pale hand and fondled the back of her neck, lightly touching her claim, not enough to make her uncomfortably needy, just enough to make her start contemplating that need, and who would satisfy it. "I'm not what you'd call normal, Buffy."_

_ "I know." She whispered, leaning into his touch. "But you're like me. We both remember normal. Before we changed." _

_ "My normal was a long, _long_ time ago." He reminded her quietly._

_ "I still feel safe when I want to pretend I'm 'normal' with you." She looked up at him, green eyes snapping with the confidence and safety he gave her. _

_ "Then that settles it. Let's go check in, Goldilocks, and I'm all yours, however you want me."_

_ "I know. I won the bet earlier, remember?" She winked and helped him pull up his duster. He bit his lip and stifled a groan of lust, pushing open the door and bolting into the interior of the opulent and elegant lobby, feeling like a heel as Buffy came in behind him. "Sorry I didn't get the door."_

_ "Uh-hello? I so totally prefer chivalry to be dead than you."_

_ "Chivalry isn't dead, Precious, just only comes out at night." He motioned to a porter, relaxed confidence in every line of his black jacketed body. He stood with an easy slouch, one arm around his girl, the other hand reaching for a cigarette, taking a detour, and landing in his belt loop instead. "Get the bags, there's a good chap." He beckoned a valet over as well. " Black sedan in the front. The keys are in the ignition, I'd like 'em back once you've parked."_

_ "Yes, Sir." The young men chorused as they smiled, gave the couple a second look and shook their heads. _

_ "Oh, Spike!" Buffy nervously ran her hands through her hair. "Why didn't you tell me how I looked? We look like punks or white trash! We look like punky white trash!" Buffy scraped her fingers through her sleep tangled hair again and crossed her arms over her thin white shirt, knowing her black bra straps were still plainly visible. And in totally slinky pj bottoms. God._

_ "You look smashing, Buffy." He said firmly, and dared her to argue with him. Which of course, it being her, she attempted. "No. You wanted to share my world? The wife listens- and the husband adores and pampers." He cupped her cheek, looking into her eyes. "Only woman in the world is you..." he whispered, pulling her along with him, under his spell. Momentarily, they both wondered if he had somehow learned to cast a thrall, and immediately realized it wasn't something conjured, simply the supernaturally strong force of love. "Most beautiful woman in the world, Buffy." He led her to the concierge, looking only at her. "Pure sunlight, Luv. That's you." His voice was that dark honey, the luring, entrapping tone that had so often made her weak, made her do things she felt guilty and ashamed of. Now there was no guilt. She took her place beside him, pressed against him, proud to lean on this man who loved her unashamedly and monumentally._

_ "May I help you?" The woman at the desk had a courteous and friendly voice, despite the half-amused smile she gave them._

_ "We'd like a suite. One of your better ones, preferably the bridal suite, for my wife an' I." He explained, but never looked at her. He had eyes only for his lover, despite the amazingly beautiful surroundings and the milling people surrounding them._

_ "I'm sorry, we don't have a bridal suite, but we have some lovely suites, ranging from the modern to the -"_

_ "We'd like something old-fashioned." He interrupted, looking for the first time at the clerk, training the power of his startling blue eyes and razor sharp features on her, smiling with barely concealed animalism. The woman fumbled through a few clicks on her computer and wordlessly handed him a key and a car registration form. As Spike filled out their names and the basics of the car, both the porter and valet came to stand beside them. Spike tossed the room key to the porter. "Bags up to that room, mate." He said with a casual but authoritative tone. "And thank you." He took the dangling car keys from the valet's hand and pushed a pen and a crumpled bill into it. "Be a good fellow and finish fillin' in the muck about the car. Pleasant evenin' all."_

_ Buffy followed him in a pleased haze. He was quite a guy, her husband. Husband! Wow, she still couldn't believe it. He flashed her a cocky smile as he pulled her towards the old fashioned decorative lifts. He couldn't believe it either, but he was certainly going to enjoy it._

_ Their room was on the 10th floor. Spike tipped the porter and shooed him off. He kicked the door open wider with one booted foot and grabbed his bride, kissing her roughly, carrying her over the threshold again, and depositing her inside the doorway. "There now. Happy honeymoon, Buffy." He stood back in the hallway, watchful of the sunlight that poured through their windows, smiling as Buffy took in their temporary home._

_ "I wanna spend two days here. Maybe more. Maybe right up to the moment that we have to leave to make it to Pine Ridge on time." Buffy said with determination as she looked around the room, trotting to the windows. She quickly shut the heavy brown brocade curtains, then slowly walked around the room. Spike leaned against the door, watching her. She ran her hands covetously over the thick cream quilt and plush pillows, up the dark wood of the headboard posts. Facing the rest of the room, her eyes looked wonderingly around at the Tiffany lamps, old fashioned leather sofas and high backed chairs flanking a fire place. The only thing that looked oddly out of place in the rustic setting was a television in a mahogany entertainment center. Spike walked over to the cabinet and enclosed the offending note of 20th century realism. "It's beautiful."_

_ "Yes, when you're in it, it is." He agreed. He tipped his head back and peered in the bathroom. White porcelain everything, and polished floors. Old fashioned lighting sconces in that opaque glass, giving a gaslight affect. The bathroom had one of those huge claw and ball foot tubs that she'd been so keen on. Wrought iron racks hung from the walls, sporting two plastic wrapped bathrobes and stacks of fluffy white towels. "Look at this." He motioned her over. She gave a squeal worthy of Dawn and rushed to the bathtub, crouching beside it._

_ "See? See? It has the foot thingys!" She pointed to the clawed feet supporting the tub._

_ "Yes, I see." He came in and stood beside her, rubbing her back. " Long, hot soak? For the long day of driving?"_

_ "Mm, yes." She nodded and started the water, flipping the stopper into place. "And _you_ wanted to keep driving." She smiled, stretching up to meet him, kissing him._

_ "Denver didn't sound like a very romantic place, is all. Full of ski freaks, and if the Watcher liked it..." He let out a snort of derision._

_ "Don't you know what they call this place?" In truth, she hadn't really known until looking at the tourism pamphlets picked up at the rest stop, but she felt superior, since he usually knew quite a bit more than she did. Not that she'd admit it readily. She stopped her musing, he was answering her._

_ "Can't say I do." Spike shrugged, fiddling with the hem of her shirt._

_ "The Mile High City." She looked at him suggestively._

_ "Thought it put a bloody great strain on the engine, gettin' up here." He guided her hands to his waist, and as if they had been doing it for years (which he supposed, in some form, they had) she started working his belt open and his shirt up._

_ "Well, you can't fly in a plane- not a commercial one, maybe someday a private one, or maybe in the cargo hold on a regular flight, but I didn't like that idea."_

_ "You've lost me." He confessed, whisking her shirt off and easing his fingers down the silken skin of her back, coming around to the front and beginning to feel his way to the sweets she had hidden under that skimpy scrap of black nylon._

_ "The Mile High Club." She hissed, feeling stupid. "Maybe you've never-"_

_ "Oh no. I have. I've heard it plenty, just not lately, I s'pose. All those damn films on late night cable- stewardess, business man, loo the size of a bread box? You're a bloody genius, Pet. Join' the Mile High Club without a plane." He smiled into her neck and licked her claim, almost sinking to the floor when she grabbed the back of his head, twisting his throat to her mouth suddenly and began sucking hard on his. "Oooh, God, woman!" He shoved her pants down, thumbs tightening in disbelief when they connected with the soft supple cheeks, unhindered by underwear. "Minx." His fingers moved forwards and teased her soft patch of curls._

_ "Tiger." She retorted, stroking him hard. Her foot came up and stepped into his sagging pants, pushing them the rest of the way to the floor. "Take off the boots, bad boy. You're getting in the tub with me."_

_ "You get to plan the whole night, Luv." He reminded her. "Just tell me what you want."_

_ In moments, they were standing bare in the steaming tub, cuddling, hands scraping and clawing in their unfettered passion. "Sit." She panted into his mouth. He sat, wincing slightly, then relaxing as the hot water engulfed him. She sank down in front of him, touching him, massaging his hardness, letting his fingers sneak between her thighs, finding the wet bundle of swollen nerves. She whimpered, starting to straddle him, and then stood up._

_ "And what are you doin'? He asked. She hesitated, wavering, stepping closer, then backing away slightly. She was quiet and she started to step out of the tub. "Buffy!" He grabbed her ankle. "Where're you goin', Luv?"_

_ "To get the lights." She whispered. He didn't let go of her. _

_ "Why's that, then?" He challenged. The room was already pretty well romantically lit, the old fashioned lighting sconces had the same affect as oil lamps._

_ "I was- I was gonna-" She stroked his hair and hesitantly pressed his cheek to her leg. She was going to stand over him and let him lick her, lap her up, basically ride his mouth into oblivion. He'd begged for it a hundred times, for her to just be above him - in a good way. He wanted to look at her, taste her fully, play with new angles. He told her a thousand times, but she always hesitated. Today, for for some reason, she was feeling brave. "Let me get the lights." She gestured towards the wall._

_ "Why? Nothin' in here I haven't seen a hundred times before, Sweetlet." He didn't relinquish his grip on her ankle. "Nothin' I don't wanna see a million times more."_

_ "I know, but-"_

_ "No buts. It's perfect, it's beautiful." He stroked her wet calves, dripping handfuls of water on her as he scooped and stroked up, each time getting higher, slowly working his way to her hips, keeping his hands on her insistently so she wouldn't back away. "Buffy, don't you know how much I love it, love you, every bit of you?" He whispered. _

_ "But-"_

_ "No buts!" He shook his head angrily, not at her, but at several others. _Her_ others. Angel he could forgive. She was a virgin, one time thing, probably hadn't wanted to stress her out with tryin' something beyond the basics that first, and it turned out only, time. Parker had been a slug and worthy of bitin' and bleedin' to death in his opinion. Take a beautiful girl, probably use her solely for his own needs that one, and again, only, time. No, it was Captain Crewcut he was hating right now. How in God's name were you with a girl for almost a year and never manage to show her she was a goddess? Especially a girl like this one? Being angry wouldn't help though. "Buffy-" he said gently, looking up at her with adoring eyes. "Can't you see how much I love you? Can't you see how much I want it? Want what you've got? Particularly wantin' it right now, because you make me feel like I'm somethin' special, like maybe I'm the only one who's ever had it, had you, this way." He knew that wasn't true, in the sense of the act itself, but maybe with this particular intimacy and intensity._

_ Carefully choosing words that wouldn't earn her an interruption, she whispered. "I know you do. Sometimes I just don't know _why_ you do. Other people-" She talked over his sudden snarl and a flash of fangs. "Other people enjoyed it, but it was tentative. I've never been pushy about it."_

_ "That's true." She'd always accepted his pleasuring her, first as a dirty enjoyment and then as an act of love and intimacy that was equally shared. She trusted him and let him explore, let him see, let him taste and feel. But she hadn't ever asked for it like _this_. Standing above him, riding and writhing on that tongue until her legs buckled and she'd have to admit what he did to her, that he made her weak. _

_ 'But you admit that all the time, Luv.' He probed into her mind. 'An' so do I! Look. See how much...' And he showed her, a hundred images of his adoring eyes gazing up at her, his alabaster cheeks buried between her legs, contentment, fulfillment, pure, unadulterated erotic bliss. 'Don't even care if you don't return the favor, Luv. I like makin' you feel so good.' He shivered and she could feel it mentally and physically. 'When you do return the favor, Precious-' He shook his head, blown away by memories of it. 'so amazed that someone like you could love me like that. Workin' on me until I feel like I'm in heaven- even when I knew heaven'd never let me in. You're my heaven, Buffy.' He had been steadily drawing her closer, sliding slowly down, tipping his head farther back, lips moistening for her. "Let me in, Pet?" He whispered aloud._

_ She dropped to him, letting his hands catch her back, her fingers tightening on his strong biceps. As his tongue started to move, she forgot her temerity, clutching him with both hands, pulling him into her deeper, scoring his scalp with her fevered fingers._

_ She tried to pull back before she came and he growled a warning. "No." He dug his hands into her cheeks and held her in place._

_ "But you-"_

_ "Godammit!" He jerked his head back, looking up at her with glistening lips and chin, and a thoroughly debauched smile. "Would you let a man drink in peace?"_

_ "Drink?" She gasped as he plunged._

_ "Not gonna stop until you've made enough juice for me to swallow. An' swallow. An' so on." He felt her go limp and he crossed his arms around her back to brace her. "Nope. Not on, Luv. Can go soft as you like, but I'm not budgin' until you're good and proper taken care of."_

_ But this was supposed to be about her gaining something, feeling more confident, more brazen. He wasn't taking that away from her. Mouth still attached to her flower, he started thinking to her. Hard thoughts, animalistic thoughts- let his demon talk- unless it was in danger of coming out to play._

_ 'You own me now. Claimed me. You're a vampire's bride, Luv, you're full to the brim of the dark stuff, and you know you want to show me.' Chuckled into her as her hands tightened forcing his mouth to grind to her clit. "Yeah, that's it, that's the way it goes...' Her hips bucked and she let out a quick breath. 'You call me the tiger. You know what that makes you, don't you, Luv?' Her back spasmed against his embrace and he jerked her forward, tongue darting in deeper than ever, determined to find new spots to entice her with, keep her coming back for more and more. 'Tigress. Tigresses hunt. They've got claws. They've got prey.'_

_ Her howl made the water ripple and he drank her juice down greedily. She made as if to get off, but he held her on. She seized his wrists in a fierce grip and glared at him. "I'm not done! I'm getting into a different position." She hooked one leg over each side of the tub, his upper arms supporting her this time, her sweet secret on display at mouth level. "Okay. Continue." She winked with a saucy smile. He eagerly obeyed. "Oh yeah. You know what else tiger's have, Baby?"_

_ "Hmm?" He asked, mouth full._

_ "Fangs." She licked her lips._

_ "What? No. Not a safe spot, Pet, believe me-"_

_ "Your demon's been calling out to me for the last couple minutes, Baby. Whispering all those yummy seductions to me- and you won't let him taste?"_

_ "Oi. Pointy teeth. Soft, incredibly delicate pieces of Buffy. Not a safe combination, Luv."_

_ "But I trust you. And if it gets too pokey, I'll stop you, okay?" She said with such innocent persuasion. Spike nuzzled into her deeper. You'd think she was asking to go for a picnic, not let his vampire side emerge and give her an orgasm while dicing about with his fangs. "You said I was a vampire's bride..." She parted her lips with two fingers, rocking against his mouth insistently. He pulled back again and looked up at her, feeling the urge over take him. "How can I be a vampire's bride until he's had me like this?" She asked in her most fresh, innocent voice, prying herself open wider, _

_ "Oh bloody, buggering-"The rest of the words were cut off. As soon as he changed, she took his mouth prisoner. Unable to speak at the moment, he cast a nonverbal reminder. 'Stop grindin', Luv, less you want some nicks in uncomfortable places.'_

_ "I don't know what I like unless you let me try!" She groaned. "Your arms-or lips- aren't getting tired are they?" He cocked his head at her with a look that plainly asked '"Are you stupid?". She laughed. "Love that about you. You keep up with me. You can take me."_

_ 'God, Baby, lean back a little more, an' you'll see just _where _I can take you.' He promised._

* * *

To be continued...


	15. Chapter 15

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: Smut warning. Solely Spuffy-verse here. _

_Dedicated to Ginar369, Omslagspapper, Alexiarrose, Starinyte, and Loyolagal. I know not many people are reading this piece, but I'm going to keep on writing it. I love the story and I know a devoted many loved its original, so I'm going to persevere. Thank you to those support me._

**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine. **

**Part XV**

_ "Where are you taking that? Dawn, bring that back!" Giles ordered. Dawn pretended not to hear. "Willow! Willow, go get her, she's got the only surviving scrolls of the Priests of the Order of Toroth stuck inside her shopping bag!"_

_ "Dawnie!" Willow raced across the hotel parking lot after her._

_ "This isn't my bag!" Xander held up a pink bra. "Giles-"_

_ "It jolly well isn't mine!" Giles jumped away from the offending article._

_ "I _know_ that. I meant, do you think this is Will's or Dawn's?"_

_ "Here, let me see the size-" He reached his hand out for it as Xander began looking for a tag. Both of them stopped and exchanged horrified glances. _

_ "Eyyyuh!" Xander threw the bra back down into the bag like he'd been scalded. "Mentally just compared boobage of Willow and Dawn. Need to purge my brain." Giles polished his glasses and coughed nervously._

_ "Let's see if there's a nearby Wal-Mart and we'll purchase some luggage. Carrying things about in an assortment of plastic bags is beginning to lead to trouble." Giles rubbed his forehead and picked up all remaining plastic bags. "We'll sort these later."_

_ Dawn and Willow had already checked them into the Holiday Inn they had stopped at. It was in Illinois, but for the life of them, they couldn't have told you the name of the town, or even it's rough location. They knew it had internet connections for the laptops. And research was priority. And food._

* * *

_ Two hours later, after some aimless running around, buying and sorting out the luggage, and arguing over who got which room and which bed, they were all sprawled in Giles' room. _

_ "Should we be taking notes?" Xander asked through a mouthful of lo mein._

_ "Yes!" Dawn straddled the back of a chair, her new journal in hand. "I'll take notes! You relay the information to me." She said importantly._

_ "Don't spill anything on the computers!" Willow cried frantically. She was eating standing up over the bathroom sink._

_ "I can't recall the last time I had a green vegetable that didn't come between a meat patty and a bun." Giles remarked despairingly as he prodded around his cardboard box with a chopstick._

_ "You ca' 'af my bwocy!" Dawn rose and held out her small white box to him._

_ "What was that?" He asked, peering into her outstretched hand._

_ "You can have my broccoli." Dawn replied after swallowing. _

_ "Oh, have some snow peas." Willow speared a bunch with a chopstick and shook them out into Giles' food. _

_ "Ah, family." He smiled and warily raised a pea pod to his lips._

_ "That's right, G-Man." Xander began typing on the laptop nearest him, ignoring Willow's hyper hand flutters as he almost elbowed his can of orange soda onto it._

_ "I _have_ asked you not to call me that." But Giles knew it was a lost battle. He'd been asking the same thing for years, to no avail._

_ "I'll take the police department website." Willow lay face down on the floor._

_ "I'm going to try to- 'chat' as it were, with some of the Watchers. Robson's set up some preliminary database. Willow- I'll ask you to help make it hacker proof in time?"_

_ "Of course." She nodded. "Xander- where are you?"_

_ "Pine Ridge Gazette housing ads and the chamber of commerce website. They have a housing link- good sweet Jesus! Look at the list of police being honored in this memorial service!"_

_ "How many?" Dawn peered over his shoulder._

_ "Thirteen! All killed in the line of duty this year." _

_ "But look at this place, it's not a huge city, it's just a biggish town. Ooh! Looky, a branch of NYU is in Pine Ridge!" Willow yipped excitedly. Her three friends cast a slightly irritated frown at her. "Academic pursuits make me happy, okay? Sorry. Poor policemen. But look at the town-" Willow turned her laptop towards them. "See? It's a pretty place, all peaceful and a nice business district. Doesn't seem like the place for major crime."_

_ "It isn't." Giles said forebodingly. "It's the place for evil, and the police don't seem to be able to handle it. And as it isn't covered up, I'd say at least we're not dealing with a corrupt mayor or city council."_

_ "Check out the high school next, Willow!" Dawn encouraged._

_ "Damn and blast! Willow, come here. I've lost all my little chat box things." Giles pointed to his screen in frustration._

* * *

_ "My hand hurts." Dawn said, dropping her notebook to the floor._

_ "I can smell the burning ink." Xander leaned wearily back in his chair._

_ "Shut up, you sodding piece of plastic." Giles gave a weak kick at the coffee table which held his darkened laptop. Small electronic bell sounds could still be heard every few seconds as members of the Watchers and Coven continued to send him messages._

_ "Brain go boom." Willow collapsed face first onto the bed._

_ "That's my bed, you realize." Giles asked her rhetorically._

_ "I know. I'll move as soon as my headache goes away." All of them slouched or lie in exhausted positions. It was far later than any of them realized, but everyone had been so focused on gathering information that the hours slipped by unheeded._

_ "Well, we've got plenty of housing options." Xander finally yawned. "I'm thinking the condos by the river. Huh, Will? Did you look at that page?"_

_ "I think so. I looked at a lot of pages. Were those the red brick or white stucco ones?"_

_ "Neither. Tan stone facade with lots of trees and a dog park."_

_ "Lot of crime in the parks." Dawn reminded them, looking through her notes._

_ "True." Xander admitted. "I forget, was there college talk at some point?"_

_ "We've got the applications saved for Buffy and I for NYU Pine Ridge. Dawn- I downloaded the forms you need to fill out to have Buffy register you for high school once she gets back."_

_ "And Spike? If he's my guardian's husband, doesn't that mean he can do it? Isn't he actually my guardian, too?"_

_ "Giles?" All three looked at him._

_ "I've no idea." He admitted. "Please make the beeping stop." He turned to Willow pathetically._

_ "Gimme." She held out one limp arm over the bed and he passed her the machine._

_ "There are lots of nice places. We'll house hunt as soon as we get there." Xander went back to his favorite topic. _

_ "I'll have to fly to England as soon as Buffy and Spike return. So much to do." Giles rubbed his hand across his stinging eyes. Dead silence. Not even Xander's foot tapping or Willow's deep sighing breaths as she tried to relax on the bed._

_ "I guess we knew it was coming." Dawn whispered in a brave voice._

_ "Yeah. We knew it was coming." Xander's voice was less brave, and more hostile. _

_ "He's the head of the Alliance, Xander, they need him." Willow, who had enjoyed being taken under Giles' wing and working with the Coven, was the most understanding._

_ "I'll be back in two weeks!" Giles pushed himself forward. _

_ "For how long?" Xander demanded. _

_ "Well, I'll have to travel to England occasionally." Xander glared at him. "All right. Enough. I will not be glared at- it's too reminiscent of an angry pirate."_

_ "I think we're all really sad you're gonna leave." Dawn murmured, rising from her chair and coming to sit beside him on the couch._

_ "Leave? Leave, as in remain abroad? No. No, I may be quite senile by your standards, but I fully intend to learn from the few mistakes I can remember. I need to go to England but I'm living in the States. Where my family is."_

_ "But all the Watchers- and the new Slayers! How-" Giles cut Willow off._

_ "NO! No." He calmed his voice, but his speech was suddenly impassioned. "I've left too many times before. Every time I've left I've believed it was the right thing to do, though it felt wrong. And what's it gotten me? No family to speak of, half my friends dead, my colleagues destroyed, and my Slayer killed twice. I refuse to make the same mistakes again. Family is the lifeblood of the rotten old world I've sworn to protect, so I stay with what little semblance of family I have."_

_ "That's beautiful." Dawn kissed his cheek with daughterly adoration. "But- all those girls..."_

_ "The Watchers have always been focused in England, and send our kind to wherever the chosen one is and the wherever the next likely to be called are. There've been more Slayers in the United States in the last 40 years than anywhere else. I say we need branches in all the continents. I'm taking North America, Robson will head up Europe, and we'll find replacements for Australia, Asia, Africa, and South America. The Academy will be based in Devon, close to the Coven. It won't be easy. But we'll do it."_

_ "'Cause we always do it!" Xander cried in a startlingly out of place bellow. "Sorry. But that was totally a locker room speech, Giles. Not that I've ever been on the receiving end of one. Or think that it would be soft and deliberate. That was totally a British prep school locker room speech, Giles!"_

_ "Do shut up. You've no earthly idea what you're saying." Giles hoisted himself off the couch. "We need some sleep. If we drive all day, and part of tomorrow night- we'll get to Pine Ridge." _

_ "Get to an evil locus line apex in the middle of the night without a safe place to go?" Xander pointed out the folly of this with a disbelieving tone._

_ "Right. We'll stop an hour or so outside of Pine Ridge, find a place for the night, and then drive to Pine Ridge in the morning. We'll start looking for some places to let, arrange some things with the local bank, do a little shopping." Giles stretched and began unbuttoning his shirt._

_ "That's our cue to leave." Xander pulled the two females to their feet, ignoring Willow's sleepy groan._

_ "Can I please just sleep with Giles?" Willow mumbled as Dawn seized one hand and Xander looped the other over his neck. The room froze._

_ "No." Xander finally said firmly. Dawn burst into muffled giggles and Giles hastily drew his shirt closed._

_ "Oh no." Willow whimpered. "I made a bad, didn't I?"_

_ "You've no idea." Giles ushered them out. "Dawn, will you come back and collect the laptops? I'll clean up the leftovers."_

_ "I'll be right back. I'll help Xander get Willow to bed."_

_ "I'll manage." Xander smiled into Willow's slightly dazed eyes._

_ "Just do get to bed! We all need sleep." Giles patted Willow's lolling head with a half-smile._

* * *

_ "Hmm. Hi Baby." Buffy rolled over with a sleepy smile and into her lover's arms. Spike opened his eyes dreamily. "Good rest?"_

_ "Yeah." He struggled up, shaking his tousled platinum locks. "God, Luv. You knackered me. Haven't slept like that in an age."_

_ "If that means I exhausted you- well you did it to me, too." She blushed and swallowed gingerly. Her pussy'd never received the kind of treatment the fangy side of Spike could dish out- and it had probably been kinda stupid to challenge the demon side of him, who still was very loving, to an all out oral orgasm-mathon._

_ "Didn't hurt your throat, did I?" He teased, tracing her gullet with one smooth finger._

_ "No." She looked at him hard. "You're not usually rough like that."_

_ "Too rough?" He purred, a soft smile on his swollen lips._

_ "Rough was the wrong word. Enthusiastic."_

_ "You've never taken me in your mouth in that form before, Pet. Everything's a bit more primal when I'm like that." He held her close. "You know it's still me, right?" _

_ "Of course. And I wasn't complaining, you know. I love all of you." She swung her legs over the bed and treaded softly to the window. "Hey. Duskiness is here. What shall we do?" She plopped back down cross legged on the bed, a brilliant smile on her face. A silly smile, not at all tinged with sadness. A smile he'd thought he would never see again, and certainly not aimed at him. "What? You're all big serious eyes."_

_ "Just happy to see you, Luv." He whispered. Then he shook his head briskly and stood up. "Come on. Got lots of ideas."_

_ "Should I put on my new dress? Are we gonna go find a club?"_

_ "Nope. You wanted to live in my world, an' I'm gonna give it to you." He reached over and picked up the old princess style phone, peered at the laminated sheet of numbers beside it and dialed. "Reservation for eight o'clock tonight. Two. Mr. and Mrs. Summers." He rang off and turned to her. "We're having dinner at the Palace Arms. That big fancy banquet room off the lobby?"_

_ "That big room with all the mirrors and the wood paneling?" Buffy looked suddenly ill. "Your reflection! Or lack of reflection! And- and me! I'll break something! I'll spill something!"_

_ "It'll be too dark an' too full of couples in love for anyone to notice what I do or don't have. 'Ceptin' you, of course. Everyone'll notice that. An' Spike will look after you. You won't break or spill anything." He gave her a suddenly wicked grin. "And what if you do? I'll put the fear of hell into anyone that looks at you wrong."_

_ "That place is really fancy." Buffy looked at the glossy hotel guide by the phone. The oak paneled room had a dance floor and a small stage for a band- probably a string quartet, not a band- and elegant gold brocade sashes on everything, and high backed wooden chairs draped in white. The entire room was lit with chandeliers and expanses of mirrors were on every wall. "I don't think I have anything to wear."_

_ "You could wear your wedding-" Spike stopped dead as Buffy's glare threatened to sear his head off his shoulders. "No, no, of course not." He walked to the edge of the bed where their luggage lay, and rummaged through it, finding a clean pair of black jeans and tugging on a black button down shirt. "Get dressed." He smiled. "C'mon Cinders. You shall go to the ball."_

* * *

_ The grandfather clock in the lobby struck the eighth chime as a handsome couple descended from the lift. The woman was in a simple cream dress with a full skirt and a tasteful gold chain at her neck. The man looked somewhat uncomfortable in a crisp royal blue shirt and black jeans- and black motorcycle boots? The maitre d' greeted them at the doorway with a slight frown on his lips. _

_ "Reservation for Summers." Spike sniffed contemptuously. _

_ "Sir has perhaps not seen our dress code?"_

_ "_ '_Sir' perhaps don't gave a damn about your soddin' dress code, you pompous little twig." Spike snarled in a low voice. The man's eyes widened and Buffy grabbed Spike's elbow with a gasp. He clasped his hand over hers. "My wife an' I don't happen to care for nancy boys in suits and ties. Now, show us to the flamin' table before I-" Spike paused and popped his neck, rolling his shoulders with a promise of violence to all who got in his way, "get _irritated_."_

_ "This way, sir." They were instantly shown to a quiet table in a romantic corner adorned with fine oil paintings and swathed in expensive linens._

_ "Spike..." Buffy shook her head with an exasperated smile._

_ "Save it for later, Luv." He cupped her cheek. "I love you, and nothin' spoils our evening."_

_ They ate a delicious meal, drank a little champagne, waltzed around the floor, and did sinfully yummy things with creme brulee. True, Spike had to steer her around the menu, and a little bit around the floor, but she didn't make a fool of herself. She seemed relaxed and confident, eager to see something other than the world of fear and toil she had lived in for so long. And he delighted in showing it to her, finding out all kinds of new things himself. _

_ At one point Buffy excused herself to the ladies' room and Spike casually strolled into the kitchens, found the meat locker, had himself a cup of excess blood drippings, and strolled back before she returned. No one seemed to notice him in the kitchens, either, or else they'd all been tipped off that the scary pale man in a new blue shirt was psycho and it was best to ignore him. Spike hoped it was the latter rather than the former. He sensed Buffy's approach before he saw her and rose from his chair, helping pulling out hers as she sat._

_ "You were right. Chivalry isn't dead. Just nocturnal." She beamed up at him. She leaned back in her chair. "What was that thing I had again?"_

_ "Veal marsala with shallot risotto." He grinned at her. "Enjoy it?"_

_ "Very yummy. But I liked the creamy brully best."_

_ "Creme brulee." He corrected, trying not laugh. "French."_

_ "I knew that." She shrugged. "Somewhere in my brain. I took French for one semester in 9th grade. I think I failed. Or maybe we hadn't gotten to the desserts yet." He gave up and laughed, snorting champagne through his nose and wincing. "Hey!"_

_ "Can't help it, Pet. You're priceless. You're perfect. I love you." He wiped his eyes and nose and gazed at her with a contended Cheshire smile. "One more dance before they kick us out?" There were only a handful of couples left and the room was much darker as many of the table side candelabras had been snuffed._

_ She nodded and slipped into his arms, dancing slowly, languidly, holding him close. "Bed after this?"_

_ "Are you tired, Luv? The night's still young for us! Did some askin' around while you were tryin' on all those frocks. We walk up about five blocks an' there's this nice piano bar that has live jazz every night. Not my thing exactly, but thought you might like it."_

_ "I would." She laid her head on his shoulder. "If I didn't want to be alone with you more." Her words were his tinder and he sparked immediately. _

_ "You're in charge tonight, Luv. I'll do whatever you like." He tried not to sound too eager._

_ "The first thing I want to do is give up my being-in-charge-ness. It's fun, but I'm not up for it right now. I just like being together."_

She wants it real. Not a game to her. I'm real to her. _His heart pulsed once, he knew it did, it had to have. He pressed her closer to him, let her feel his hardness. _

_ "The song is ending." She whispered meaningfully._

_ "Let's go then." He tossed some money on the table and whisked out behind her, keeping close so that no one would notice the sudden protrusion in his trousers._

_ As soon as the door shut behind them in the elevator, they began a steady, slow kiss. Building up to more and more intensity until the elevator chimed and they were able to reach the sanctuary of their suite._

_ "I want you. I love you." She whispered, for about the ten thousandth time since she'd first admitted it, but it still had the same powerful effect on him. He smiled like he'd come home after years of fruitless wandering._

_ "I love you, Buffy." He started gently freeing her from her dress, undoing the tiny strand of buttons down her back, as she undid the buttons down his front. They collapsed backwards onto the bed once they were unhindered by clothing, running their hands along each other._

He's like a statue. Michaelangelo could have carved him- although no way would a fig leaf cover what my man's got. _Buffy gazed at him admiringly. Muscles in all the right places, bone structure that could convey lethal hatred or gentle concern, a package- she blushed. She didn't really know what to compare _that_ to, but she was thrilled beyond belief that it belonged to her. _

Most of all, he's got the heart. For the right person, he's got a heart that would burst itself before it quit- and then, knowing him, he'd still keep going.

_ "You're thinkin' awfully loud, Lamb." Spike gently bit her earlobe. "You'll give me no reason to behave myself, lettin' me know how highly you think of me."_

_ "For the right person, Spike, you'll behave." She watched his expression soften and eyes shine, and she had to tease him. "I don't mean you'll be good. I just mean you'll behave yourself." His features hardened into a wry grin again, and he pressed himself on top of her, lightly pinning her to the beautiful creamy soft quilt. "And besides, why shouldn't I tell you how special you are? You've always told me _exactly_ what you thought of me."_

_ "Yeah. True. Whether it was good or bad, I never learned to keep my bloody trap shut." Spike rumbled a laugh into her cleavage as he bowed his head to worship her little rosebud tips. Told her how much he hated her, told her how he'd wanted to kill her, then told her how much he wanted her, how much he loved her, until he hadn't given a damn for self-preservation and said exactly what he thought and let her take his heart and keep it._

_ "I only ever mastered telling you the bad parts. Even when we were together. When you cared for me and loved me, and I couldn't even-" She swallowed a tearful lump in her throat. She'd never told him she'd loved him, she'd only hurt him, right up until it was the last second. The lump was back with a vengeance._

_ "Hey, now. None of that." He massaged her neck with his lips, then trailing in a triad between both breasts and back up to her throat. "Don't have a chip now, Luv. Want me to rip out that nasty little bundle of tears you're hidin' in here?" He wrapped around the tense muscles with his blunt teeth, swirling his tongue over them._

_ "You could just lick them into submission." She sighed, relaxing._

_ "Submission. Now there's a word I don't associate with you an' me."_

_ "True." Buffy curled one leg around his, opening up to him. "You don't want- that sort of-"_

_ "No! No one makes you 'submit'. Means you didn't want it. An' I always want to be what you want, Baby."_

_ "You are." She swallowed, this time out of nerves. "Spike?" He looked at her, inviting her to speak. "Not that I don't believe you- but the handcuffs...?"_

_ "That wasn't about submission, Luv." Spike shook his head. She gave him a disbelieving frown, her patented "Seriously?" look. "It wasn't! Not for me." He admitted, not meeting her eyes. "It was about you trustin' me. Lettin' me- I dunno, Buffy." He heaved a deep sigh. _

_ "No, tell me." She ran her fingers along his brows and down the sides of his face until her hands settled onto his shoulders. "Just tell me. I won't run away."_

_ "That was part of it. Didn't want you to run from me. Wanted to prove-" He gave her a tight smile, "that I'd never give you any reason to need to run. That even if you weren't in a position to run, you wouldn't have needed to. That I would do right by you, Buffy."_

_ His words hung heavy in the air. He would've done the right thing by her. Had she been able to make that claim? "And you trusted me." She whispered. With her it had been about dominance. She was in control, she told herself she was just using him, there was nothing he could give her that she couldn't take. God. God! She was so stupid! She clung to him and buried her head in his chest. "Thank you for that, for trusting me."_

_ "Buffy, you were one of the good guys. I wasn't. I'm not blamin' you for anythin', Luv." He attempted to comfort her, knowing some of that was a lie._

_ "I'm sorry I was stupid." She forced her tearing eyes to met his. "I trust you more than anyone. More than Dawn. More than Giles. More than anyone. I don't have to be 'good' or 'bad' with you, you just accept me. And you love me. I trust you now."_

_ "I know you do, Sweetlet." He whispered. They kissed for a few minutes, enjoying the sounds of their wet mouths colliding, and their breathing beginning to pick up the pace. In relative silence he entered her, head bowed onto her chest, a thousand thoughts milling in his brain, soaking up her love, her trust, her need, all for him._

_ "Spike?" A hesitant brush of words across his ear. He looked up at her to acknowledge he'd heard. "Will you let me you show you someday soon?"_

_ "Show me what, Lamb?" He whispered, a suspicion dancing suddenly through his brain, only for him to quickly dismiss it._

_ "Show you how much I trust you." She didn't look away from him or turn coy, although her cheeks flushed in a way that wasn't related to the heat they were generating as they made love._

_ "Show me?" He stroked her hair. "Like I showed you?"_

_ "Yes." She whispered guardedly. _

_ "Of course, Precious. Whenever you're ready. There's no rush. I believe you, you don't have to prove it or-" Her finger pressed his lips closed gently._

_ "Spike. Shh. I'm ready now."_

* * *

She trusts me. She wants to prove it. Told her she doesn't have to, but she's a bloody stubborn bint, an' she insists. _Spike crawled out of bed, hating to leave her soft warm presence for even a second, and slipped to the bathroom. Right, then. Conscience thoroughly assuaged that he was in no way pressing his beloved wife to prove herself to him, he could begin to enjoy this prospect. He slid one of the white terry cloth bathrobes off its hook and removed the belt from it, ripping the threads that held it to the robe itself. _

_ He reentered the bedroom, senses unfurling in full on battle mode, trying to find anything, any hint of nervousness from her . But even with his senses at full power, he couldn't find a single trace of unease. He came up beside her, stood over her, and kissed her forehead. "Hi, Baby." He whispered. _

_ "Hi yourself." She smiled up at him. He reached over and flicked the switch for their bed side lamp, plunging the room into complete darkness._

_ "Darkness doesn't bother you, right, Luv?"_

_ "No." She said, her voice slightly breathless._

_ "Good." He moved slowly, silently, one knee on the bed, caressing her stomach, other knee on the bed, swung over her narrow waist, straddling her now. His hands gliding up her ribcage, up her shoulders, and then down over her arms until he found her hands. "Let me have your hands, Precious."_

_ "Okay." Voice definitely more breathless. He smiled and paused. Still no nervous vibes from her, something else, he wasn't sure what, and he was too busy being careful of his every move to question it at this moment. He bent his back and lowered his lips to hers reassuringly, slowly bringing her hands up over her head as she fervently kissed him back._

_ "Here we go then." He murmured against her lips before sitting up, stretching over her, and looping the bathrobe cord loosely over her hands, around her wrists, but not too tight, and tying it in a simple single knot. "Comfy?" He asked._

_ "I can get out of that. You know I can." Buffy's voice pointed out with a trace of apprehension._

_ "Of course you can, Pet." Spike trailed his finger tips from her hands slowly down her arms, stopping when he got to her shoulders, and beginning to knead them. He felt her muscles uncoil slightly._

_ "Shouldn't you tie it to the headboard?" She couldn't bring herself to say "tie me" ._

_ "No. Want to keep the headboard firmly attached to the bed, not in chunks round the room." She laughed softly and he bent low to her again, taking a nipple in his mouth and sucking softly, making her back arch and her breath catch. "Mm, Baby..."_

_ "My Baby." He sucked harder and slid one hand down between her thighs, gently rubbing her lips, avoiding her nub. "Spike?" _

_ "Mm?" _

_ "Seriously, shouldn't this-" she lifted her joined hands slightly, "be tighter so I can't escape?"_

_ "No." He sat up. "This isn't about restraint. This is about trust. Even when I offered the cuffs, Luv, I knew you'd snap 'em in half and get out if you needed to. Knew they weren't too strong for someone like you or me, or I wouldn't have wanted to use 'em. You want your hands free, you make it so."_

_ "I don't think I understood that then." She whispered regretfully._

_ "I've figured that out now." He sighed. "But even if you had, you wouldn't have done it, Pet." He scooted to her side, bringing his legs together to kneel beside her, not straddling her any longer. "An' that's okay. This is sweeter. Been worth waiting for." And then he was still, silent._

_ She knew he was there, but he'd stopped talking, stopped his unnecessary breathing, and was holding perfectly still. Just when she was about to say his name, he moved with lightening speed, a blur that she couldn't even pinpoint and kissed her hard on her claim, making her gasp. And then sat back up, silent and still again. And when the silence had built to the point of her speaking again, he lunged and engulfed most of her breast in his hungry mouth, making her utter a strangled cry._

_ "What are you doing?" She asked as he released her now tender breast._

_ "Keepin' you guessin'. And I'm plannin' to do it until you stop tensin' your pretty little body whenever I move. This is our bed, Luv. Well, at least for a day or so. If this were a training room or a battlefield and we're sparring, you should tense an' be on guard. But in here, in our bed- no one'll hurt you. Never give you a reason to worry, Precious. Learn to trust me, all the way."_

_ "I do. I will." She agreed, meaning it with all her heart. He was right. He'd never, ever done something to fear when they were making love, and if she trusted him, after he had so painfully regained it, she need to stop acting as if she were waiting for a blow to fall. Just accept that every action he took would be something pleasurable, or at the least, affectionate. _

_ She tried to relax, she really did. And to some extent she was successful. Her complete body tenses had become tiny twitches, but he still felt them. "Think when you've gone through what we've gone through it'll take more than one go, Pet." He finally said regretfully._

_ "What? No! I can get this, keep going!" Buffy protested._

_ "I will, Luv. Just in different ways." He soothed. He lay down beside her and hugged her comforting warmth. "You know I love this? Being able to hold you without having to need an excuse? This is my wife, I'll say to meself, an' she's bloody squeezable. An' then I'll squeeze you."_

_ Buffy laughed and worked her bound hands down, placing her arms around his neck and hugging back. "You're 'bloody squeezable' as well. Although more in a rock hard body way than a soft little me way."_

_ "Very, very soft, Luv." He smiled and slowly rolled back up to straddle her waist again, taking her arms and gently replacing them over her head. "Open yourself up, Baby." He tapped her hips softly with each hand. He was delighted that her legs fairly sprang apart. "That's right- at least you know things involvin' me and your sweet little paradise equal something good."_

_ "Good is so far down on the scale compared to what you do." She complimented him sincerely. His hands rubbed circles on her hipbones as he smiled a little boy grin, pleased with himself. _

_ "Thank you. You make it easy, y'know. Bein' so criminally tight and hot. So bloody delectable." He began descending, easing his head down between her legs._

_ "Shouldn't I have a- um- safe word?" She blushed, using such a term._

_ Spike sat back up so fast that she thought he was resuming their earlier 'keep her guessing' activity. "You have one. It's 'stop'." He reached up and yanked her hands free, lights returning abruptly, making her blink. "This was a bloody stupid idea." He muttered. "Dunno why I thought- I mean, honestly, how could I have thought-"_

_ "Hey!" Buffy captured his hands and sat up. "What'd I do wrong?"_

_ "You? Not a soddin' solitary thing." His blue eyes were tortured and she could almost taste the negative emotions running inside him, filling his mouth with ashes and tears. He pulled in a shaking breath and gently grasped her hands, like holding a fragile newborn bird between his fingers. "Your 'safe word' is, an' always will be, 'stop'. 'Cause the _second_ you tell me to stop anything, I will stop. I don't care if I'm in the middle of the best, bone-shakin', earth-movin' climax of my unlife- I will fuckin' stop if you say to, Buffy."_

_ "All I-" Buffy tried to explain but his words rolled over her._

_ "But I can understand why you think you need a new word, 'cause God knows, the time it counted, the time you _did_ ask me to stop for real-"_

_ "Spike, no!" She begged him not to talk of it, but again, he plowed ahead._

_ "I held you down and ignored the words, ignored the tears, ignored everything." For someone who didn't need air, he was certainly sucking in huge lungfuls as he began to shake. _

_ "Oh, Honey-" Buffy put her arm around his shoulders and he shook her off._

_ "No! Don't give me comfort! I should comfort you, but I- can't." He looked helplessly at his hands. " 'Cause the only hands I've got to heal you are the ones I used to hurt you." He was breaking down completely, and he backed off the bed, as tears suddenly streamed down his face. "I dunno what I thought I could do, Pet, askin' you to- I'm an idiot. I've hurt what makes you trust and I can't bloody well fix it." His hands started to rake his arms and up across his chest, a familiar gesture Buffy had seen when he'd first reappeared earlier that year. When his soul hurt. When he was too overwhelmed with his past sins to live in this world, and he couldn't take it anymore, he tried to rip the soul out of him. He only did it when the mental anguish became unbearable. And as Buffy knew- he could bear almost anything._

_ Buffy bounded off the bed, following him as he backed away from her. "HEY! Snap out of it, Spike!" She hated herself so much at that moment, but she did it anyway, smacked him full across the face and heard the stunned silence as his tears shut off. His hands slowly went from their frantic scramble of clawing to balled fists. "I can't take back what we did." She said, slowly and deliberately. " But I don't have trouble trusting you not to hurt me."_

_ "Bollocks." He muttered._

_ "You wanna get slapped again, or you wanna let me finish?" She threatened, hands on hips._

_ "Go on." He said softly._

_ "You can't torture yourself like this. Don't you think it means something that I'm MARRIED to you? Don't you think it means something that I am CLAIMED by you, as in _linked for all eternity_, to you? If I thought you'd ever do something to hurt me, I wouldn't have chosen you. I _love_ you, Spike. I forgive you." She closed her eyes and looked down, intense concentration on her face as she struggled to find words that were tangled up in her soul someplace and bring them across her lips. "I don't know things. What to do. All the time. I had a very limited sex life before you and you- didn't. I'm trying to learn new things." Her voice was suddenly very small. "I make mistakes." _

_ "I see." He said softly. He held his hands out to her, waiting until she opened her eyes and watched her smile in relief as she seized them. "I don't think you make mistakes, Luv. Think it's all me."_

_ "No." She shook her head._

_ "Yes." He placed a trembling hand on her shoulder and she bowled into him, knocking him sideways across a corner chair. "Guessin' it's okay to touch you, then." He laughed weakly._

_ "Yes, it is, you stupid, stupid vampire." She sniffled, burrowing into him more securely._

_ "You ask questions because you want to learn, an' I go all mental patient on you." He kissed her golden locks as he placed his head on hers. "Wanker of the year."_

_ "I trust you enough to ask." She swallowed and gave him an uncomfortable look, one he was learning to associate with embarrassing secrets. "I know we don't like to talk about our past partners-"_

_ "No, we soddin' don't." Spike mumbled, but rubbed her back encouragingly all the same. She was choosing to tell him, he would choose to listen and not judge or be put off._

_ "Riley wasn't that creative."_

_ "No blinkin' surprise there, Luv. Stupid regulation types-"_

_ "Let me finish." She jabbed his shoulder with her chin._

_ "Sorry. Go ahead, Pet."_

_ "But- if I had a question about anything sexual, I couldn't ask him! I could barely tell him if I wanted the lights on or off."_

_ "Stop, Buffy, please. Mental images." He winced and curled his arms protectively around her. "I mean- I'm sorry. I'll listen to whatever you need to say- but too much detail about _him_ and I'll toss my cookies all over this lovely Persian rug."_

_ "Yeah, well, point being that I trust you enough to ask. And I'm sorry if mainstream American pornography has taught me that rope means subjugation and needing a secret magic word to make someone you love treat you the way you need to be treated."_

_ Spike nodded and she felt his Adam's apple work up and down as if suddenly too large for his throat. "I'm not sayin' that I've been a saint-" Buffy snorted and then composed herself when he pinched her arm softly. "I've had my kinks and my bad desires." He tilted her head to look up into his eyes. "But my biggest cravin'? Always been your love. Maybe someday we'll play all those crazy games, but I can't picture it right now. All the challenge I want is makin' you love me, feel safe with me." She kissed him, expressing her wordless understanding._

_ "You have that. But I like the idea of deepening it. That's all I want, too." Buffy whispered. Then cleared her throat. "But don't you go all Jimmy on me. You're my big bad. I like a little monster in my man, remember? You taught me that about myself."_

_ "Monsters in love can't hurt their mates." He smiled._

_ "I get that now. More than I got it before, I mean." She hastily clarified._

_ "Good. So," He swallowed and helped her up, gracelessly disentangling themselves from the antique wing chair and each other, "if you want me to stop, you tell me, and everything stops. An' if you an' I are playin' games of the sort involvin' me keeping your hands out of my way so I can tease you good an' proper- you should be able to get out of whatever's holdin' you."_

_ "I got that now." She led him back to bed and pulled him in beside her. "The night's still young." She hinted._

_ "It is." He agreed cautiously._

_ "Ummm. Wanna teach me some more?" _

_ "If you're sure, Pet."_

_ "I am." She whispered, looking at him lovingly. She saw him steel himself up, get ready to be whatever she needed, and she paused. "How about you just hold me for awhile first?" Wow. That was the right thing to say apparently, Buffy thought, as his eyes bloomed with inner light. He clamped her to him and cuddled her into the most reassuring and tender embrace. They each felt the other relax, and let out sighs they hadn't realized they were carrying._

* * *

To be continued...


	16. Chapter 16

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: A chapter split 50-50 between our parallel universes. Also, hot Spuffy loving ensues. (As it so often does when I'm writing.)_

_Dedicated to Ginar369, Omslagspapper, Alexiarrose, Jewel74, and Tawny. Thank you for the continued support! _

**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine. **

**Part XVI**

Ess tried to stop crying. Jim was watching her, all concerned. "Honey?"

"PMS." She lied.

"Haven't we already visited that this month?" Jim left the sheet music on the kitchen table and came up behind her. "Tell me."

"Cheesy chicken bake!" Ess wailed, losing it completely and sobbing into a dishtowel.

"Okay, so I was wrong. Didn't know it could happen twice in one month." He rubbed her back comfortingly.

"Idiot! Cheesy chicken bake!" She wailed more insistently.

Jim was mildly flummoxed, but good actor and good boyfriend that he was, he stepped up to the plate confidently. "Yes. Of course. We'll go out to dinner. You go dry your eyes, darling, and I'll get the kiddo."

"NO!" Ess flung the dishcloth down, and turned to him, sobbing more loudly, wrapping her arms around his waist and sobbing into his chest. Sul, attracted by the noise, left the sanctuary of the basement and his new pinball machine, and stood openmouthed in the basement doorway.

"Ess! Dad, Ess's crying!"

Jim tried not to roll his eyes as the six year old pointed out the overtly obvious. "Yes, son, she is."

"Oh, oh, S-Sully." She wiped her eyes quickly on Jim' shirt and turned to him, trying to smile. "Dinner'll be ready soon."

"What's wrong?" He demanded, picking up Stripes as the kitten scuttled up behind him. "Did dinner burn?" He sniffed the air. Jim bit back a laugh and made a mental note to rib Anna about her cooking if her friendly side ever resurfaced.

"Nope, it's cheesy chicken bake." She smiled through trembling lips. "Be ready in 20 minutes."

"I love that! That's my favorite thing you make for me." Sully beamed. He stood in the middle of the kitchen now, Stripes purring on his shoulder. He seemed torn between trying to learn about Ess's tears or go play more. "Do you need a hug?" He finally asked.

"Uh-oh." Jim sighed as Ess picked his son up in her deceptively strong but small arms and hugged him and the cat, crying more. Sul gave him a bug-eyed look and Stripes hissed, either from being squeezed or getting wet with her tears. "Honey. Honey, put them down." Jim gently removed the cat and Ess let go of the boy.

"I feel better now." She lied. Sul smiled at her uncertainly and walked slowly back downstairs, shooting worried glances at his father.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Jim crossed his arms. He was now back to full on bleach blonde, though he didn't have to film for two more days while the first episode was wrapping up. His newly cut blonde hair wasn't gelled, it was in short spikes running riot over his head. Standing like that, bleached and rugged looking in a torn Radiohead tee shirt as he waited for her to explain, made Ess think back to their close relationship on the set. Like finding Spike looking at her after a month of sandy brunette Jim. They were one and the same, but she was powerfully reminded of the fact that Jim always had her back when they were acting, so she opened up. "That was the first meal I made for him. The first time I met him. An-and now he's go-going home!"

"Oh, Essie. Essie, honey. He'll be back. I'm flying out in two weekends, you should come, too." He ripped off a paper towel and handed it to her, taking away the dishtowel. "Here, use this. You chopped onions near that dishtowel and I think it's making the crying worse."

"But you're going to hurt so much worse than me, and I don't even know how _I'm _gonna stand it. He- he feels like my little boy al-already!" She looked up at him miserably with reddened eyes. "And I think I got cat hair in my eye." She added pitifully.

"I'm glad you love him so much." Jim whispered, the blowtorch of pain suddenly back in his chest. "I don't know how to tell you to cope. I coped by working my ass off on the set. Hung out a lot with Max and Patrick. Leaned on you a little bit too, this last time."

"You did?" Ess blinked up at him.

"Mmhmm. Remember just sitting out on the porch set, talking until they made us move?"

"Yeah." She smiled fondly. "Well, I guess we can sit together at home now."

"That's right." He patted her shoulder encouragingly. "We've got a big event to plan, as well."

"Oh, everyone's coming tomorrow night, straight from the set. I won't be able to get off early but Ashley and Patrick will, so they'll be here at three. And Gwenn doesn't even have to go to the set at all since she's- off the show now." She refered to the woman who played Tara, gone from their stage, but not from their lives, their little "acting family". "She can come earlier if you want, I bet. Ashley's bringing potato salad again, and I want you to hide the Glenfiddich before Pat arrives."

"Will do." Jim gave her an amused smile. "Love you, Essie."

"Love you, too. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Well, here we are planning a wedding for next June-" She made a short exclamation and pushed her hair back from her forehead. "And all you can think about is everyone coming over for dinner tomorrow night to say bye to Sulster."

"I was kind of in a Sully mindset." She shrugged sheepishly.

"I think it's sexy." He smiled.

"Huh?" She cried in open disbelief.

"Mhmm. Very sexy." His hands raked over her hips and he pinned her to the counter, leaning his waist into hers.

"Just how is it sexy?" She demanded, without a lot of force behind it. She could feel evidence of Jim's arousal against her thin cotton shorts and it made her achingly wet almost instantaneously.

"Because you love my kid so much. Means you love me. You, being in love with me, equals sexy." He bit one side of his lip in knee-weakening half-smile. "Also makes me think what a great mom you'll be someday, to some of our own kids." He pressed a hand on her lower abs, making her close her eyes and shudder. His middle finger hit a sensitive engorged spot that had developed over the last three months of almost continuous lovemaking. "Makes me think about how you'll carry a piece of us inside you-and makes me think about practicing putting us together." She whimpered as he pressed his finger tip to her harder. Then he backed up, hands back in his pockets as he sauntered from her, bulge totally obvious in the front of his ripped jean shorts.

"Hey!" She protested at the loss of his warmth.

"Got your mind off it." He smiled cheekily. "Though I did mean every word, Honey. Show you later?"

"Okay..." she agreed, and distractedly began tossing a salad.

* * *

Ess was beyond impatient with her fellow actors the next day. Every scene that had to be re-shot seemed to cause her deep personal pain. Monica and the new guy,T.J., were on the receiving end of her more wrathful stares. Finally the directors wrapped up the scene and declared the first episode good to go. "About time!" Ess shouted, and bolted.

"Uh, hey, Monica?" The tall, coffee-skinned actor, slated to play principal slash demon hunter, came up behind the girl, who was also making tracks.

"Yeah?"

"Maybe I'm out of line, but everyone always Ess is really great to work with and-"

"Oh, she is." Monica looked at him with puzzled eyes, knowing as "Buffy's baby sister" just how much Essie took people under her wing.

"Well... Today she seemed a little-"

"Ohh. No, you're right. Today she was a total bitch." Monica admitted easily. "But that's not our fault. Come on, walk and talk, I'm in a hurry, too."

"I see that. Is everyone in the cast in a hurry? You'd think someone just yelled 'fire'."

"Ess and Jimmy's son leaves tomorrow, to go to New York for like, ever, and there's a going away party tonight at their house."

"Wait, wait, hold up?" T.J. trotted after her, eyes wide. "Jim- as in _Spike_? He and Ess have a kid? How did that happen, and why didn't it make the news?"

"No, Sully's not Ess's biologically. She and Jim are engaged, so she's going to be the stepmom. But I wouldn't bring that up, the whole 'not really yours' part. She went from 'I'm too young to be a mom' to 'He's my little boy' over the summer. And if you'd ever met him you'd know why. Sweet, funny, nice kid. And since we all hang out together, we're kind of like his adopted aunts and uncles."

"That's nice. So she has a party to get home to, and that explains the Buffy-zilla?"

"Pretty much."

"Monica! Move your ass, little girl!" Max shouted at her from the end of the parking lot they were using while shooting on location.

"I'm coming, Max, don't get your shorts in a knot!" Monica waved goodbye to their newest cast member and hustled away.

* * *

Ess broke the speed limit, and possibly the sound barrier getting home. She hadn't even returned her clothes to wardrobe, and didn't much care. She looked down at it. White shirt, nice slacks, she might not even change for the party. Except- ugh, she was all sweaty and grimy. "Jim!" She called the house phone and was relieved that he answered so fast.

"Hi, Beautiful. Now, don't panic. Everything's fine. Everyone's pitching in, the cats are already in the sunroom, Patrick's mixing drinks, Ashley and Gwenn are cutting up veggies, and Anita and I have the house spotless."

Ess let out a deep sigh. "You're too good to me." She smiled.

"You're having a going away party for Sully, of course I'm helping. He, on the other hand is not." Jim lowered his voice. "He had a huge fit today when I told him to start packing his suitcases." Jim waved goodbye to Anita, the faithful housekeeper and friend, and wordlessly put a bucket of iced beers outside by the pool, keeping the portable jammed under his chin as he did so. "We also need to get the pictures from the disposable cameras developed and download the digital ones on to a memory stick and get prints made. Never seen him lose it like this, Ess, but we only had one or two pictures of all three of us together and he went into a full blown sulk. Didn't want to eat lunch."

"I'm coming home as fast as I can. Do you think we should call everyone and tell them not to come?" Ess started digging around in the backseat of her car with one hand, driving with her elbow. A sudden idea had struck her.

"No! We've got ten pounds of potato salad in the fridge and two dozen chocolate cupcakes!" Jim muttered. "He'll come around. I just don't know what to do." Jim rubbed the back of his neck worriedly. "He always gets upset before he goes home, but never like this."

"Dad?" Sul's voice startled him and Jim once again blessed his sure reflexes, otherwise the phone would have ended up in the pool.

"I'll see you soon, Babe." Jim hung up and turned to his son. "There you are. Feeling better?"

"A little. Uncle Patrick told me some really weird jokes. Dad, what's a quid?"

"English money. Like we say 'buck' for dollar, they say 'quid' for pound."

"Oh. Okay. So why would you put money in a guitar?"

"I have no idea." Jim's eyes flashed with sudden memory. "I hope I haven't heard this joke before... What about a guitar?"

"The g-string." Sully watched, startled as his father's face suddenly changed from relaxed to hostile, jaw clenched and nostrils widening.

"PATRICK!" Jim shouted and tore into the kitchen.

"It made him laugh, mate, I swear!" Pat ducked and scurried out to the garage, Jim fast behind him.

"What's going on?" The little one demanded of Ashley and Gwenn.

"I don't think Daddy liked the joke Uncle Pat told you." Ashley smiled gently, trying not laugh. Gwenn snorted and handed him a bowl of fruit salad.

"Here. Go put this on the table, okay?"

"Okay." Sully smiled up at the two women he had come to the conclusion were his aunts. In his mind, everyone on the show came with Ess and his father, and if Ess was now part of his family, so was everyone else.

Ess skidded the car into the garage, only to find Jim holding Patrick against the wall, palms on his shoulders, both laughing helplessly.

"Hullo, Luv. Give us a kiss then." Pat tittered as Ess stepped out of the car.

"You two! I thought you were taking care of the party food?"

"Your 'dad' decided to teach our son a dirty joke, which thank God he won't understand for about ten years, but if he repeats it to his mother..." Jim gave Patrick another vigorous shake.

"God..." Ess groaned. "I'll deal with you later. I gotta change and shower."

"Get on with it, man, go scrub her back." Patrick pushed Jim off with a roguish wink and smirk.

"I'd love to, but someone apparently has to supervise you." Jim shoved him back.

"I thought you hid the good whiskey!" Ess hissed as they went inside.

"I did!" Jim countered.

"I found it!" Pat said, putting an arm around each of them. "But- I haven't had any. This is just me being a git."

"Essie! You're back!" A little sandy-haired torpedo took out her knees with a clinging koala hug, and Jim and Patrick laughed as they held them both upright. "I missed you." He looked up at her with the biggest smile Jim had seen all day.

"Missed you, too!" Ess ruffled his hair.

Shit, Jim thought to himself. _What've I done? _He watched his little boy and the love of his life walk off together, chirpily chatting about the food, the cupcakes in particular._ This is going to kill him, leaving not just one parent, but two._

No, he'll be fine, Jim reassured himself. _He misses Anna like crazy, and before long, he'll be back into his routine with school and friends, and it'll all be okay._ Jim watched as Ess knelt down and rummaged in her purse, fished out autographed pictures of himself and her. Saw her explaining something, motioning like she was cutting and pasting. Sully took the pictures eagerly and raced downstairs, most likely to get to his art supplies. "It'll be just fine in a few days." Jim said aloud, whispering to himself.

"Yeah, mate. You keep lyin' to yourself." Patrick patted his back and hugged his shoulders briefly, whispering in his ear, "We're actors- it's what we do."

* * *

_"What should we do first?" Dawn looked at the pink tinged sky cresting over the majestic rise of pines. The van was pulled off along a quiet winding road in front of a hunter green and gold sign that proclaimed "Pine Ridge- The Town with a Heart as Big as All Outdoors!"._

_ "Well, as it's barely 7:30, I suggest we find a coffee shop with internet access and do some more research, listen in to some of the local conversation, and drink too much caffeine."_

_ "Mochas!" Willow squealed, realizing with a thump of her heart that the squeal meant nothing without Buffy or Tara chorusing with her. Xander smiled with understanding._

_ "Coffee for me. Dawn- hot chocolate?"_

_ "Yeah. With marshmallows." She smiled, twirling her soft brown ponytail wistfully around her finger._

_ "You hate marshmallows. Buffy told you they were monkey brains when you were a kid."_

_ "I know. But I miss Spike and Buffy. Spike always loved those little marshmallows."_

_ "I'm really starting to see that we left you alone with him too much over the past couple years." Xander sighed. "Is anybody else seeing that?"_

_ "Hear, hear." Giles acknowledged grimly, but without any seriousness behind the words._

_ "Hey! You're just jealous cause I can whip your sorry butt at pool, poker, and shoot a crossbow way better than you." Dawn said with a cocky flounce of her head._

_ "Evil Dead Jr." Xander teased. "I'll drive, Giles, you look beat."_

_ "Can't imagine why." Giles frowned playfully and took a seat in the back beside Willow. _

_ In a few minutes they had stopped outside a bustling coffee shop, The Pine Loft, and were putting change in the meter. Willow snagged their laptops and Xander bought the daily news from the paper box outside the shop. "Act natural. It's not like we're going to run into anything overtly evil at half past seven in the morning." Giles mumbled as he herded them through the door._

_ "Do you want to invite all the demons over for high tea, Giles?" Willow hissed. "Never say things like that! Every time we say something like that, wicked things straight this way come!" _

_ Giles muttered an apology and felt his breast pocket. Stake and cross. _Hope not to need it.

_ But for once, ill-chosen words had no consequence. The coffee shop was filled with business people in suits getting their orders to go, cyclists sipping herbal teas before returning to the road, college kids on the way to eight AM classes, and older couples perched on chairs slowly working through conversations and crossword puzzles._

_ "Wow." Dawn breathed. "Real normal people." _

_ "And we may walk among them." Xander whispered grandiosely. _

_ Willow scooted their things onto a table in the back of the shop as soon as someone vacated. Giles stood in line for their orders, and Xander and Dawn cracked open the classifieds. Soon all of them were sipping, circling, and typing busily. After much argument, they narrowed their list of prospective dwelling places down to a half dozen. After some more argument (paper versus computerized maps) they decided to go across the street to the gas station and buy a map of the area so they could draw out a route for the day without a lot of backtracking. "And you can actually look at it while you walk around." Xander said in a patronizing tone to Willow as she brooded over her webpage of the city._

_ "Stupid technological limitations." Willow muttered._

_ "Do you think they'll let us move in today?" Dawn asked happily as they climbed back in the van._

_ "Not likely. They'll need to run background checks. Willow-" Giles turned to her._

_ "Already hacked Spike Summers up a past, Giles." She smiled as she settled the laptop on her knees and continued typing. "Don't pull away yet- I'm still using their internet- I just need to- shoot. I forget how old we said Spike was on the marriage papers."_

_ "Twenty-six." Said Dawn as Xander replied "Twenty-eight."_

_ "Oh dear." Giles sighed, as usual._

_ "Do you think they'd be mad if I called to ask?" Willow pondered._

_ "YES!" came the unequivocal shout of agreement._

_ "Great googly-moogly, Will!" Xander hissed. "Disturb Spike first thing in the morning on his honeymoon? Are you nuts?" Will subtly tilted her head towards Dawn and he covered. "You know they were probably out dancing all night, and he needs his rest."_

_ "I'd be more concerned about Buffy. She's a bear without some sleep, and she and Spike probably haven't stopped boinking since we got off the phone with them. Bet she's exhausted."_

_ "Oh dear Lord." Giles increased his fervency. "Willow, quickly- a forgetting spell, please."_

_ "Make it two." Xander looked slightly green._

_ "I think it's sweet!" Willow came to Dawn's side of the matter._

_ "You- think it's- gahh!" Xander buried his head in his hands._

_ "Aren't you happy Buffy's happy?" Dawn demanded._

_ "I am thrilled Buffy's happy!" Xander proclaimed with heat. "I just feel like I'm going to hurl whenever I think about the physical side of their happiness."_

* * *

_ "Happy?" Spike looked up at his sweetheart as she straddled him._

_ "Very. Lots of sleep. Full tummy. Full- other things." She blushed._

_ "Pussy, Luv. You can say it, you know." He uncrossed his wrists from behind his head and reached one hand down to fondle said part._

_ "It just sounds kind of- not like something I'd say."_

_ "Because you're a good girl?" He smirked, raising one eyebrow._

_ "I am!" She said defensively._

_ "You are." He agreed wholeheartedly. "The very best girl in the world." She leaned forward, trapping his member more tightly in her milking channel and the world spun too fast. He moaned. "The abso-bloody-lutely best girl in the whole ruddy world, Jesus Christ, Buffy!" She'd bent down further and scraped his nipple with her teeth as she sucked it into her mouth, at the same time sliding her thumb against his newly scarred neck. She eased back up, looking at his flushed and lust hazed face with a self-satisfied grin. "But you're also a very naughty little vixen, and you shouldn't feel guilty about it."_

_ "I don't!" She protested, pouting._

_ "Good. 'Cause I'm your husband, Buffy, and if there's any law or moral code you're clingin' to in the bedroom, the whole 'husband and wife' bond erases it." He seized her wrists gently. "Get it in your head, Luv. Anything goes between husband and wife- long as it's mutual."_

_ "I know." she whispered shyly._

_ "Say it." He pleaded, pumping suddenly hard into her, making her head tilt back in the same way his had moments ago._

_ "Say what?" She was being difficult._

_ "Say 'Anything my lovin' husband and I want to do together is good'."_

_ "Only if you say something first." She cooed._

_ "Name it." He said with easy confidence. He'd be her fool any day and she knew it._

_ "Say you'll always think I'm good? As in- not- like I was before, when I used you." The last words fell out in a cluster of rush and closed eyes._

_ "I, Spike Summers do solemnly swear to always think my wife, Buffy Summers, is clean and pure as the driven snow- and a hot little firecracker- only for her one true love, as it should be. Amen?" He looked up at her, eyes perfectly serious, but mouth betraying a tiny smile._

_ "That was very tangled. And 'Amen'? What was that, a prayer or a promise?"_

_ "Bit of both, Pet." He grabbed her shoulders and used her to bring himself up, wrapping around her, holding her tight as she squirmed to adjust to their new position. "Now it's your turn."_

_ "Anything my loving husband and I want to do is of the mind-blowingly hot and sweaty goodness." She amped up his earlier suggestion. He rewarded her with a tongue to her punctured neck and the most intense inner massage imaginable. "Hey? Remember last night, I asked you to teach me some more?"_

_ "Mmhmm." Spike gave her a wicked smile before jerking out of her with lightening speed and flipping her onto her back. "You keep your claws above your waist, Kitten." He smoldered, putting her hands neatly under her head, not securing them with anything._

_ "Bathrobe belt thingy's here somewhere." She offered._

_ "Don't need it, do we? It's about trust, not disabling." He kissed each eyelid softly. "You want me to stop, just lemme know. Simple, init?"_

_ "Yeah. Sorry, I overcomplicated things, Baby."_

_ "Close your bloody mouth, Buffy." He twinkled down at her. They shared a suppressed grin and she stuck her tongue out at him. "An' put that tongue back before I catch it!"_

_ The room was dim, but not pitch black. So much the better for him. He wanted to see exactly what he was doing. "Think trusting thoughts, Pet. No tension. Won't ever do a thing you don't like." She nodded, breathing shallow. He kissed his way from her shining sleep-tangled hair to her pink petals, taking delicious detours on the way. "You know vampires like blood? We like skin, too. Not in the same way of course, but like icing on the cake. You know you're a symphony of delicious things, Luv? Your sweat, your tears, your blood, your juice, all leave traces on your skin. Could eat every inch of you until the sun burned black." _

_ "Poet." She hissed, arching her back to get more of his mouth on her._

_ "Warned you." He laughed softly._

_ "I love it. William." He froze, resting his forehead on her thigh. "It's okay for me to call you that, isn't it, Spike?"_

_ "Yes." He whispered. "Just always unexpected."_

_ "You know you like me unpredictable." She caressed his hair. "If I'd have met you back then-"_

_ "You would have been too brash and too beautiful for a quiet man like me." He let her see a bittersweet smile before turning his head again._

_ "No. We'd have found a way. We're meant to be together, even across worlds, we're meant to be together."_

_ "My darling." He murmured. "This is it." He suddenly looked up at her, eyes wide in realization. "You weren't made to love me. I was made to love you."_

_ "Huh?" came her startled and inelegant reply._

_ "I had to be turned, Buffy. I had to. Otherwise, I'd have died long before you were born. And we'd never have met each other, Luv."_

_ "And we would have always been alone." She concluded._

_ "And there is no more sheer hell than living without love."_

_ She opened up to him, more fully, more desperately than ever. And he took advantage of it. How could he not, under his new staggering realization? Something he was sure he had known for years, inside himself, just never found the time or the moment, or the guts to be clear on it. And besides, admitting to yourself that you became a soulless killer for the sake of a woman who would never love you back, who you hadn't realized loved you until the second before you died- that wouldn't have made for a very pleasant existence. Best this way._

_ A rush of thoughts from her blew his own away. Think of trusting me, he'd requested, and so she was. A disjointed torrent of images, each one strengthening the impression he was getting, that Buffy had trusted him for longer than he'd ever realized._

_ Middle of the night, her sobbing, just been told Joyce was ill, and she let him pat her back and sit beside her all night. Middle of the day, barging into his crypt, bringing her mum and little sis, then another day,"I need wheels. Glory knows about Dawn." He tossed her his car keys without thinking twice. "No, I need you to come, too. You're the only one who can help protect her." A dozen nameless, nightly battles, a hundred shouts of "Buffy!" or "Slayer!" , a thousand punches he'd blocked, a thousand warnings he'd given. _

_ The night she asked him to just hold her. And all the millions of hours it felt like he'd held her since, always in a gray background, a monochromatic ashen world that only had him and her in it. And she fought to stay with him, not leave him on his own._

_ Wasn't the best place to learn such thoughts perhaps, in the midst of a passionate clinch when your mouth is busy elsewhere and it's completely unmanly to start feeling tears prick your eyes. On the other hand- maybe it was an excellent place to find out. When the love of your life was saying in a thousand pictures, each of which must be worth a thousand words, that she trusted you, and she was warm, and willin' and responsive to your every touch. "Wider, Luv. Give me all of yourself, and I'll repay the kindness ten fold." He whispered huskily. She didn't hesitate and he dove, licking her with abandon, the way she was meant to be tasted- all of her, all over her._

_ "Spike!" Her eyes widened and then clenched shut. It had to have been an accident. But no, he was doing it again. "Spike!" More insistently._

_ "Tell me to stop, an' I will." He looked up at her, blue eyes completely devilish, entire lower half of his face slick. The perfect malcontent._

_ "I- I don't know." She clenched her hands where they were, not reaching down to stop him, trustingly keeping her "claws", as he'd called them, out of his way. He had asked her before. Or not asked. Insinuated, in words only, that he wanted her there. One of the "little nasties" he whispered to her during their fevered sexual escapades that no one could really call making love. She'd been turned on by the rawness of his desire for her. And she'd been adamant and abusive in her refusal, calling him a pig, a pervert, a sick and evil creature. He might've hinted, but never pressed. Odd how she suddenly found that gentlemanly, when there certainly had been nothing gentle in what they'd done to one another then. In her silence, he'd resumed. "Oh God." She breathed._

_ "Shh. No more than that." He kept licking her, tongue teasing every inch between her legs. "Unless you like it."_

_ "It's different." She admitted. "But not bad."_

_ "Glad to hear it." He smiled. "Roll over, Luv?"_

_ "R-roll over?" She quivered._

_ "Is that worry, or feeling like you're bein' a naughty girl?"_

_ "Neither." She rolled over, flat on the bed, and let him pull her hips up to his. He plunged inside her soft slick walls, cupped her soft cheeks, pushing them apart. She felt his thumb press to her more recently explored spot and gasped again._

_ "You're so hot, Buffy. God you'll boil me in a moment."_

_ "You- you're driving me crazy, Spike." She panted, balling the sheets in her fists._

_ "Am I? Like this?" He rubbed a circle with his thumb and she shuddered under his hand._

_ "Bad." She hissed._

_ "If it's bad, tell me to stop." He wrapped his free arm around her and hugged her tighter to his sculpted chest as he pressed himself into her back. He let his lips brush against the shell of her ear and spoke raggedly into it. "If I feel big inside you now, Luv-" he thrust hard for emphasis and she groaned, which he took to mean he did, "imagine how big this'll feel in someplace much tighter. Wouldn't you like to try it sometime?" He ignored her muted moan and nibbled across her nape and shoulders, ending his trail at her other ear. "It's just a little over the line, isn't it, Pet?" He bit down on the back edge of her claim with his human teeth. "Cross it with me sometime soon?"_

_ "Uh-huh." She agreed breathlessly, her head spinning from sensations inside her, outside her, on her claim. His voice made the world blurry and his body sent her spiraling over the edge. She came with a whimpering screech that pushed him over his own precipice._

_ She collapsed under him, and he landed, hips still locked, but pushing his torso off of her with strong wrists. "Good, Goldilocks?"_

_ "Oh yeah." She giggled, twisting up to face him. "I love you, Spike."_

_ "Love you, too." He nuzzled her cheek. "You want to go to sleep now, Luv?"_

_ "Not tired. Hungry. And I have a strange craving for bacon."_

_ "Then I shall get m'lady some bacon." He smiled and reached across her for the phone and the room service menu. Buffy stretched and got slowly out of bed, thanking God for slayer healing and stamina. Without thinking she walked to the window and started opening the curtain. It was the sight of her diamond that stopped her._

_ "Shit!" She yanked the curtain closed with a hiss. Totally not used to waking up with Spike yet. Used to leaving him in daylight hours, or never having to think about any kind of light in the void._

_ "Eggs?" Spike was apparently unaware that he'd nearly been done to a crisp himself._

_ "Uh- yes. Scrambled. And toast. And do they have strawberries?"_

_ "I'll check." He smiled at her. "Oi. D'you lot have strawberries? Good. Then it's one order of scrambled eggs, two orders of bacon, two orders of toast, two orders of strawberries, one bowl of hot fudge and a pint of beef or pork blood. Yes, blood. No, not blood sausage. Well, really, mate, you're the place for the carriage trade. If you don't have it, find someone who does, but get it up here, right quick." He hung up the phone. _

_ "Blood and hot fudge?" Buffy turned to him. "Can you imagine what they're thinking right now?" _

_ "That Mr. and Mrs. Summers in room 704 are extremely kinky." He strolled up to her, naked and glorious, a perfect match for her."_

_ "I was afraid of that." She smiled goofily._

_ "Oh, we are, Pet, we are. Bein' madly in love an' swearin' off divorce for an eternal union? Dead kinky these days." He nipped her ear and held her tight against him. "Plus, I did plan to cover you in strawberries and hot fudge and have a Buffy sundae."_

_ "Oooh. That sounds like my kind of game." Buffy looked at him with a lascivious gleam in her eye. "Do I get to make a Spike sundae?"_

_ "Of course. But first, need a shower. Join me?" _

_ "In a second." Buffy waited until he was gone and peeked out the window. A thunderhead cloud hung low in the sky and rain was just beginning to fall. Not a trace of sun. "After breakfast, let's go for a long walk in the rain. And buy souvenirs and post cards. It's the appropriate honeymoon thing to do."_

_ "Thought the appropriate thing to do on your honeymoon was shag senseless and declare undyin' love?"_

_ "That too." She entered the bathroom._

_ "And did you say a long walk, after breakfast?" He looked at her with a puzzled frown. "Wish I could, Precious, but-"_

_ "It's storming." Buffy said excitedly. "No sun. We can go out for a walk if we stay close to home, right?"_

_ "Right you are." He agreed. He welcomed her into the shower with open arms. "Now- what should we get the Niblet? What would she like?"_

* * *

_ "I like this one." Dawn said stubbornly._

_ "It's growing mold." Giles said firmly._

_ "It's dark!" She dug her heels in, literally and figuratively, in the old red brick apartment._

_ "And so are any number of other flats with basements. This is a dark, dank, crumbling ruin of a place, and you will not live here." Giles used his "supreme authority" voice, which only worked on Summers women about half the time, but he hoped Dawn's natural common sense would assist him._

_ "Come on, Dawnster. We have two more places left to try." Xander coaxed. She gave in and shook her head regretfully to the landlady as they passed by her on the way out._

_ "I think my brother-in-law would like it, but it- doesn't have enough room for- our book discussion groups to meet." Dawn improvised wildly. "Bye!" She scurried away, wondering why she'd been able to go completely klepto, lie to her family, friends, and teachers about her bad behavior, and come with any number of convincing lies for total strangers if it meant covering for Buffy- but she couldn't tell polite little white lies to spare an old lady's feelings without sounding completely lame._

_ The next place they visited earned almost instantaneous votes of approval from everyone. It was a large complex, a mix of townhouse style apartments and blocks of single story flats. Each of the white stucco townhouses was connected to another, but had its own little walkway, fence, and hedges around it. Privacy. Besides, it was only until they could settle on a house to buy, at least in Buffy and Spike's case. Xander and Willow would have no problem renting together until they found the right person or felt ready to live alone again. And Giles didn't care where he lived at the moment, as long as he was close to his charges and no one got in his way._

_ "Let's see if the inside is as nice as the outside!" Willow and Dawn trotted up to the leasing office while Xander and Giles hung back, scuffing along, trying to seem manly and unexcited. _

_ "Nice work on the frames." Xander said with a macho snort. _

_ "Yes, yes. And the grounds look nice." Giles looked over the small grassy courtyards that spread in front of each row of town houses. "Plenty of parking. Thank heavens. Do you realize how many vehicles we'd have between us? Your car, my car, one for Willow, Spike's motor-" Giles stopped. The motorcycle would be rotting in the Sunnydale crater now. "Well, he and Buffy will probably get a car, and eventually Dawn might."_

_ "Yeah-" Xander's reply was cut off by Willow and Dawn returning with a pleasant looking woman who introduced herself as Ms. Reynolds, the leasing agent, and showed them into a vacant townhouse apartment. _

_ "All of our homes feature built in appliances and washer/dryer units. You can get the two or three bedroom model. The two bedroom has a bath and half, the three has two and half baths. All units have new vinyl flooring and neutral Berber carpeting. You can repaint the white walls as long as you return them to pre-move in conditions before moving."_

_ "We want a three bedroom." Dawn spoke up suddenly. _

_ "Dawn!" Willow hushed her._

_ "No, it's perfect!" Dawn insisted. "Giles, can't Buffy and Spike afford this on their combined salaries from the W-" Xander coughed loudly. "From the work they do?"_

_ "May I see the price list?" Giles asked with his most disarming smile towards the leasing agent and a quick glare at Dawn. The prices were steep, but not outrageous. Plus, based on the three extremely unique personalities that would be included in the Summers family, he thought the more space the better. "Yes, a three bedroom would be in their price range."_

_ "I'm sorry, whose price range?" _

_ "My sister and her husband. They just got married and we're relocating here while they're on their honeymoon. I want everything to be perfect for them by the time they get home."_

_ "Oh, aren't you such a thoughtful girl!" The woman's face turned furtive. "Well- I'm really not supposed to do this- but if you fill out some paperwork on their behalf- we'll get the ball rolling."_

_ "Thank you! Thank you so much!" Dawn squealed. Xander and Willow exchanged a look._

_ "Score one for the cutie pie." Xander smiled. "All that youthful innocence- you think they'd go for the one eyed man sympathy routine?"_

_ "We don't need it. We actually have human backgrounds." She hissed._

_ "I keep forgetting that. Been so long since things were even remotely normal." He chuckled bleakly._

* * *

"Don't forget we're starting at 9:00 sharp. Ess, you'll leave at noon to meet Jim to put his son on the plane, and be back by 2:00, right?"

"Yeah." Ess hugged her "boss", but really so much more, goodnight. "Thanks for coming. And thanks for working with us about tomorrow."

"I'm happy for you and Jim. And you owe us some interviews now." He patted her back. "Oh, where is the little guest of honor?"

"He, Jim, and Pat are jamming in the basement with the guitars."

"Really- let me-"

"No! There is no room in this season for a musical or a guitar solo, or even Giles singing." Ess protested and Gwenn and Ellie came to her aid, escorting their beloved, somewhat quirky taskmaster to his car before he could worm his way downstairs and get new ideas for exciting humiliations to inflict on his dedicated cast. Once he was gone, the remaining guests went either out by the pool or downstairs, drawn by Pat and Jim's melodious singing.

"_Every rose has its thorn..._" Jim and Patrick kept singing, the Englishman continued to play as well, and Jim helped Sully with one of the easy open chords. Ess slid past Max and his wife. She leaned against the wall closest to the three musicians. Close enough to hear Jim whispering to his son, something about just playing the two open chords when he got the nod, hum or sing along, and letting Daddy and Patrick handle the rest.

"Impressive." Monica whispered in Ess's ear.

"Yeah, and he only started playing about seven weeks ago." Ess said proudly.

"I meant Jim, but yeah, Sully's awesome." Monica rubbed her pseudo-sister's arms encouragingly. "You're going to go all to pieces tomorrow, aren't you?"

"Probably." Ess laughed softly.

"We could all get together after filming is done and look at bride magazines?"

"Sounds tempting, but tomorrow night is my night to play the good girlfriend and support Jim- who will also have the icky job of supporting me."

"Aww." Monica hugged her suddenly. "It's so sweet how you totally turned into stepmom over the the summer." She giggled suddenly. "Remember how we used to tease Jim about how he would act right before Sul flew out, or he flew to New York?"

"Yeah. Was it Max who started singing that really annoying version of _Santa Claus is Coming to Town_, changing all the words and adding in Sully's name?"

"Yeah, him and Ashley. But I guess now we'll tease you both."

"Unless you want to end up in the world's most unflattering bridesmaid dress, I'd be very nice to me." Ess threatened sweetly.

"Shhh. The lady in the white tank top- shut it!" Patrick called as the song ended. "Terribly rude, isn't she, Sullivan?"

Sul looked at the older man with a frown and then at his Dad. "Uncle Pat's teasing, Sul."

"Oh- okay. Very, very rude. Use your listening ears!" Sul shook his finger at her, his face a perfect double of Jim's scowl. The adults in the room burst into uncontrollable laughter, no one more so than Ess. Jim hugged his son to him and planted a kiss on the top of his head.

"That's right, Sul. You help me keep her in line." Jim smiled at Ess from over Sully's brown locks, watching as she fanned herself and tried to catch her breath, laughing too hard to come back at him. "This is great! Get her laughing to where she's breathless and you've got an easy target."

"There are other ways to leave her breathless, Jimmy!" Ellie teased and she and Max high-fived.

"Not in front of the kid!" Patrick reprimanded. "Got my soddin' ear ripped off for that kind of thing earlier."

"It's late- let's do one more and get to bed." Jim tried to redirect.

"Taking Ellie's advice?" Ashley teased, getting a double high-five from Max and Ellie.

"Oh, God. I'm too old for you lot." Pat said in a gritting voice, slipped a pic from the corner of his mouth and started strumming. "Just those two chords again, Sullivan, when I nod, got it, mate?"

"Got it." Sully's tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth in concentration as he struggled to re-set his fingers.

"Chorus first?" Jim looked to Patrick who nodded. The three guys tapped their feet to find the rhythm and the elder man took the lead in his softer mid-range voice.

"It's more than a feelin'..."

"More than feelin'..." Jim echoed in his slightly lower register.

"When I hear that old song they used to play." Patrick nodded to Sully who hit the chord squarely and didn't twang.

"More than a feelin'..." Jim continued his backing with a smile at his son.

"And I begin dreamin'..." Tony looked at Jim significantly and nodded towards Ess, fortunately his miscue fell in the right place for Sully to hit a chord.

"More than a feelin'..." Jim winked in understanding, and then joined Tony to finish the verse in unison.

"'Til I see Ess walk away. I see my Ess-ieee walkin' away..." Both men let their voices soar.

"Can I just tell you that I completely hate your guts right now?" Monica whispered to Ess.

"Damn, girl." Max placed a casual arm around Ess and spoke in an undertone. "That is one hot dude. Starting to get the attraction."

"Hands off, he's straight." She teased.

"My poor little heart. Guess I'll have to go back to my lonely charade of heterosexualism." Max licked his lips, watching his wife sway to the music, her long legs crossed in front of her, long dark hair sweeping over her face. "Gotta go. Wanna try out the breathless thing."

"Wait 'til the songs ends. Say goodbye to Sully?" Ess grabbed his wrist before he could hustle over to his leggy wife.

"Yeah. God, Ess. I feel kind of- I dunno. Worse than usual about the kid leaving. I mean, I hung out with him and Jim a couple times last year, and I liked him, but now-"

"You're Uncle Max. You are the resident sitter and second fatherly figure." Ess looked up at him adoringly.

"Me? A father figure?" Max looked as though he'd pee his pants at the thought.

"No. Just teasing. You're the goofy spaz of an uncle who's a good guy and a good-ish role model." She patted his back comfortingly. "Chill."

"I'm gonna miss him." Max admitted softly, all joking aside. The song ended and the small audience in the basement clapped and whistled. Sully looked delirious with pride as he carefully put his guitar in its case, just as his uncle and father were doing. "Sulster! Sweet set, man! When's your next gig?" Max slid up next to him.

"Huh?" Sul asked with a puzzled squint.

"Freakin' sweet little boy!" Max managed to say through his broad smile, before he bear hugged the small musician. "Be good. I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you, too." Sully wrapped his arms around Max's shoulders and Ess felt tears prick her eyes.

By the time the last person had hugged him good bye, Ess was in the sunroom sobbing into Mist's soft fur. Jim, because he was the father, and he had to be strong, was maintaining his appearance of calm reassurance and routine. "Go pick a book, Sul, and get into your jams. We're running late tonight. First thing tomorrow we'll get your photos put in an album and we'll double check your luggage, make sure you have everything."

"Okay." Sully cast a longing glance at the sunroom. "Can the kittens sleep on my bed, just for tonight?"

"Of course." Jim replied. "I'll bring them up." No way would he let him see Ess blubbering, again, for the second time in as many days. "Run along, now." Once he'd heard his footsteps racing up the steps, Jim strode purposefully into the sunroom. "All right, you. You pull it together. Right now."

Ess sniffed and looked up at him, shocked. Where was her recent comforter, with his soft, husky voice and his soft, maddening hands? "You can cry all you want when he's gone, but you're making him feel worse. He's little and he needs us to be strong." Jim's voice was dropping into a growl. "You cry- he cries. You make my son cry and I'll -" He paused. What would he do? Nothing really. Nothing bad, not to the love of his life. "I'm just putting on a tough front, Ess, and it would really help if you would just play along with my macho, but empty, threats."

"You're right. I'm- I'm going to be strong, and resilient, and loving. A perfectly affectionate, but supportive parental figure-"

"Essie, even I'm not that good, and I've had almost seven years of on the job training." Jim pointed out, arm sliding around her waist.

"But I will be. Just for him, because it's important. Right up until the plane takes off, and then I'm gonna cry some more and curl up in a ball on the couch. Okay?"

"Totally okay. Save me a seat." Jim rested his chin on her head and sighed, looking upwards. "Parent suits on?"

"Suited and ready." She smiled, wiping the last tears from her eyes.

"Then pick up a cat and follow me."

* * *

"You know something?" Ess whispered as she sat up in their tangled sheets.

"What, Baby?" Jim panted his reply. The girl could take it out of him, even without super powers.

"I've never made love when I'm miserable, with anyone but you."

"I'm so wasted, hon, I don't know if I'm being complimented or insulted. Would you just tell me?" Jim looked up at her, eyes glancing quickly to the clock as he did so. After midnight. Gotta get her rest. "Lie down with me?"

"I am, just putting on something in case he comes in. I mean, wouldn't that be our luck? Make it until his last night here before getting caught with my pants down- or off?"

"Yeah." Jim reached for a pair of his cotton workout shorts and slid them on. "But you were saying?"

"Oh. Yeah. I've never made love when I'm sad. Except those two times with you. Tonight and-"

"And our first time?" He rubbed his brow. "I knew you were sad. Guess I thought the sex would help alleviate it."

"It does! That's my point." She flopped down beside him in a long spaghetti strap shirt that barely covered her round little rear, causing him to give into temptation and squeeze it. "Usually I push guys away when I'm upset. But not you. I knew you'd make it better, not worse." She kissed him and looked down into his eyes, lit only by the moonlight coming in from the half drawn blinds. Almost completely black with a tiny ring of blue encircling them. "You're a good man. You're the right man for me. I love you."

He felt the cage of sadness that was so quick to wrap around his heart whenever Sully left shatter a few bars. "I'm your good man?"

"The best. The only one for me."

A few more bars splintered and he felt some undertones of happiness blend with his grief. "Thank you, Essie. You're the only one for me, too. I love you, Baby."

* * *

_Fight it off, fight it off, fight it **off.**_ Jim woke up in a fierce mood. He didn't even wait to wake up Ess, he bolted, straight from their bed and down to the exercise room, slamming into the punching bag, not even bothering to wrap his wrists first. Vicious kicks, swift jabs, make something pay, something has to hurt today, for this stupid world where families don't stay together, not even with the best of efforts. Where families move to the other side of the world and you stay where you are, because if you don't, you won't make the kind of money to give them the kind of life they deserve. And because it's a stupid reason, 'cause you know money is the root of all evil and you could work off-off-off Broadway productions that barely keep you fed but you could maybe see him every day. One more punch and reach to the stereo. Rifle through the discs, where's something hard? Where's something that'll help you beat down the pain 'til you can see his face without weeping? There is was, his seldom used mixed up metal, Strapping Young Lad, Quiet Riot, Ozzy- something hard to fuel the beat up of the bag and what it represented.

Ess came in behind him. Watched him attack the bag, but didn't say anything. She didn't think he would hear her anyway. She didn't even think Jim liked metal, she'd never heard him reference it or listen to it. He let one final blow go and it rocked the bag dangerously in its chained holster. _Wow. Worthy of Spike or Buffy, that last hit._ And then he put his forehead slowly down, down, til it pressed the Everlast logo- and she knew he was crying.

_Do I approach or back out quietly? He didn't want me in here, or he'd have woken me up. This is private._ Ess took two steps backwards eyes focused on him, her heart thudding in time to his shaking shoulders. Just as she reached the door knob his hand shot out behind him, reaching to her. He didn't look at her, didn't call her name. She softly stepped forward and took his outstretched hand. Neither spoke. _What the hell do you say?_

"Wanna turn?" He asked in a heaving, wet voice. His head turned slightly, looking up at her red-rimmed eyes, tears trickling into his open mouth. She began to shake her head, and his eyebrow slowly arched. She nodded, admitting it to herself, and he stepped back from the bag, hand making a grand gesture. "All yours."

* * *

_"Yours will be over there in Ponderosa Court. Giles is in Spruce Court, and then we'll take the one in Lace Bark Court." Willow spread the complex map on the picnic table in front of them._

_"No, now wait." Giles peered over her shoulder. "That's not right, because the Spruce Court is the one with three bedroom subdivisions."_

_"No, Ponderosa is." Xander pointed to the legend on the map._

_"It says "Three" because it's the third court along." Giles argued. He jabbed the map with his forefinger. "Y'see? If we went by your logic, Lace Bark Court must be huge, with eight bedrooms each!"_

_"Oh, I see." Dawn smiled. Grown-ups. So easily confused sometimes. Must be all the sleepy old-people music and bran muffins. "So Ponderosa Court is two bedrooms and it's the third court, Spruce Court is three bedroom houses and is the fourth court, and then Lace Bark is two bedrooms and is the eighth court. That'll be fun, won't it? We can walk to each others' houses!"_

_"Delightful." Giles sighed. "No peace. No privacy." Then a grin of realization hit him. "I suppose you've always walked to my house and shown up whenever you please. So really, nothing's changed."_

_"Except now we can get there way faster." Xander goaded._

_"We'll call first." Willow offered placatingly._

_"That'd be refreshing, but I don't expect it to occur." He smiled and stroked her scarlet hair affectionately,_

_"All we need to do is wait for Buffy and Spike to get here and sign the papers and we can move in. I mean- we- as in the Summers- can move in. Giles, I guess you'll have a houseguest until they get back?"_

_"I believe the Pine Ridge Motor Inn will have a houseguest until they get back." Giles corrected. "I've no furniture, and we have to get the utilities switched on and we need to run to the bank and I must find a few minutes to call Angel." Giles' chest expanded with stress as he recited his litany._

_"Easy, Giles. You're making with the hypertension after a lifetime of bad British food and expensive Scotch. You're a cardiologist's dream." Xander tried to distract him._

_"Right. Not about the hypertension, but I am getting slightly stressed. You three drop me off at the Inn, I'll get a room, and get to work. The three of you contact Buffy, see if you can fax the documents that Ms. Reynolds needed to put the lease into effect to their hotel, and then go furniture shopping. Perhaps Ms. Reynolds can get our utilities switched on for us."_

_"Sounds like a plan." Willow smiled and gathered up the map and her shoulder bag. "I need to find the magic shop in this town. I saw on one of the chamber of commerce website links that there was one. I want to do a protective spell on us today and I need all kinds of ingredients. I'm just going to have to do a protective blessing instead."_

_"What, now? Will, there are people jogging and walking their dogs all around us!"_

_"Oh- shut up, Xander. Tell 'em we're praying if they ask." Willow seized their hands and they formed a circle. She muttered something and they felt a little tickle of energy jump from their fingertips. "There. Minor badness should be averted. Of the supernatural kind. You still have to look before you cross the street and not let strangers into the house." Willow reminded them all, earning her a group eye roll._

_"Time's a-wastin'!" Dawn twirled around, holding Willow and Xander's hands. "Let's drop off Giles and call Buffy."_

* * *

_"Bloody hell." Spike removed his lips from Buffy's with a scowl. "I s'pose that's what we get for snoggin' in an art gallery."_

_"Can I help it if you're better built than the rest of the exhibits?" She smirked up at him and dug inside his coat pockets for her phone._

_"Dunno why you insist on makin' me carry that thing. You've got a handbag."_

_"I lose it in there." She pouted. "I need to organize it."_

_"Dear God, to quote Rupes, we _are_ married. I'm interruptin' a snog with my bird to talk about where you've left your phone and cleanin' out your purse."_

_"Shh! Hi Dawn!" Buffy and Spike earned a glare from one of the gallery's security people. He pointed to the sign that plainly asked for cell phones to be silenced._

_Spike took Buffy's hand and jerked her past the man, out into the gray misting rain and along to a coffee shop. They were still within sight of their hotel, and he was relieved. Another few hours and the sun'd break through, or there would be a second cloudburst and they'd be soaked. Mmm. Soaked Buffy. Thin little shirt she had on under her only slightly thicker denim coat. Wet Buffy. Nipples turning into stiff mountains just begging to be climbed, and the rest of her trembling and needing to be warmed up. Well, no one could say he was more than room temperature, but he could make her hot and dripping with a few well placed maneuvers. He pulled his duster closed at his hips, for very good reason, and went to get his girl some mocha. She liked things like that. Dark, energetic, sweet, bad for your health. Kind of like him. "A mocha and black coffee, ta." He requested. He didn't need any more sugar. He didn't know how much hot fudge he'd consumed off of his pink princess, but it was a lot. And she kept up with him. He wondered briefly what the maid would think, but shrugged it off. Not like he cared for others' opinions, and aside from that, all the linens and furnishings were in one piece, which is more than they could say for any other of their hotel rooms._

_"Do you have the marriage license?" Buffy hissed to him as he returned with two steaming paper containers, her fingers over the mouthpiece of her phone._

_"Of course, why? Trouble?" Spike swallowed convulsively. How had someone discovered it? There were hundreds of weddings a day in Vegas, why had someone checked up on theirs? And who? A demon he'd snarked at sometime in his life? Wood? No, Wood was probably being nursed to health by a scarily sexy Faith, and the Great Poof wouldn't break Buffy's heart, even if he wouldn't hesitate to dust him._

_"No, it's the lease for our apartment. Dawn says the lady is pulling some strings and trying to get it set up for us without our physical presence. She's going to fax out documents for our signature- as soon as we get to the hotel and see if they'll let us use the fax, that is."_

_"Well, come on then. Coffee to go." Spike smiled in relief. "Got the license in my pocket at all times. Hi, Niblet! How's my little sis?"_

_"Good." Dawn's faint voice crackled to him, but he could hear the smile in her single word._

_"Gotcha a surprise at this posh place- ow!" Spike received a swift elbow to the arm from Buffy. "Right. As Buffy_ gently_ pointed out, it's a surprise."_

_"Buffy, don't be mean to Spike." Dawn pleaded, and Spike gave his wife a triumphant smile._

_"Bit likes me better than you-ou." He sang._

_"Shut up, Spike." The sisters chorused, and he beamed. If he was being included in the ribbing, and it was good natured, he was really in. He had wanted into this family for so long._

_"They need your age and birthdate and social security number, then you can sign."_

_"My- my what?" Spike gasped. "I don't have a bleedin' social security number, I'm not even a Yank! I think I was dead before social security was invented, Bit! What in hell do I do?"_

_Willow's voice replaced Dawn's. "I have your social security information and resident alien card all in place, Spike. But I can't remember if you're 26 or 28 according to the paperwork we filled out for the marriage license."_

_"I think it was 28." Spike checked the interior pocket of his duster. Buffy smiled to see that he kept the folded piece of paper next to his heart, along with a few narrow stakes. "Yep, 28." Spike confirmed a few other pieces of information before handing the phone back to Buffy._

_"Tell me all about our new place." Buffy asked Willow._

_"It's a complex called Ridge View. They really overdo the whole 'Pine' theme here, based on the few places we've been. Each of the blocks of townhouses are named after a different type of pine tree."_

_"And we're all in the same ruddy complex?" Spike frowned, and then composed himself. "Oh, well, I s'pose it doesn't matter. You lot are always together anyway. Maybe now we can least hold the soddin' scooby meetings somewhere else than our flat."_

_"It isn't a flat, it's actually a house! Well, a townhouse." Dawn yipped._

_Willow took over once more. "It's nice. Two stories, three bedrooms, and some have a basement. Yours didn't." Willow added apologetically._

_"Which courts are you in?" Buffy asked brightly._

_"Giles is in Ponderosa and Xander and I are in Lace Bark."_

_"Lace Bark." Spike chuckled with the usual immaturity Xander brought out in him._

_"They had two in the same section or are you two bunking up?"_

_"Bunking up."_

_"Poor Will." Buffy teased with a giggle._

_"Yeah, right? It has two bathrooms at least. Well, a bath and a half."_

_"So you have to share a shower." Buffy shushed Spike before he could make a lewd comment._

_"Not like we haven't all been living under one roof for the past few weeks. I don't care who I'm rooming with at this point, as long as they aren't total strangers and I don't have to wait in line to pee." Willow cast a look of sisterly affection at Xander. "But the houses are nice. Clean. Neutral colors. We're going to get the paperwork taken care of and then go shopping."_

_"Furniture shopping." Xander interjected._

_"For us? Dawn! Tell her not to buy anything! Just looking! Only looking!"_

_"Oh, c'mon Buff, the kid needs a bed. Can't she pick out some stuff for her room?"_

_"Let Bit choose a few things, Luv. Give her a price limit, is all. I don't want to come home to find us broke."_

_"She can buy a bed. And a dresser."_

_"And a desk! Control freak much?" Dawn's voice was now in the forefront._

_"You have a grand to work with. If you can't get all three things with that, just wait until I get home. We'll be home in a few days."_

_"A grand doesn't go anywhere!" Dawn whined. "I should know! I spent a lot of time in shops."_

_"Yeah, Nickin' things." Spike took the phone back from Buffy. "Listen to your sister, Niblet. Make her cranky and she'll ruin the rest of our day out together."_

_"Oh-okay." Dawn sighed. She spoke "Spike" very well. She could hear the teasing in his voice, the promise of their secret "not bad, but not exactly good" partnership. The promise of working together to mildly annoy, but always love, Buffy. "But only 'cause you told me to." Buffy glared at the self-satisfied tone in her sister's voice, that matched the self-satisfied smile on her vampire husband's face._

_"Hey!"_

_"Just havin' you on, Luv." Spike soothed quickly. "Dawn, you mind your sis, right?"_

_"Yes." Dawn agreed begrudgingly. "But just until I'm 18. Then I'm gonna be hell on wheels- oh, should we car shop?"_

_"NO!" Spike and Buffy exchanged panicked glances as they gave her their firm denial. "Do not go near cars."_

* * *

"Come on, in the car!" Jim commanded in a falsely cheerful voice. He had lived through the morning. A major accomplishment. Bags were packed. The ex had been called. Homemade waffles and eggs made. Carry on book bag packed with enough snacks to keep Sully full for a week- or one delayed departure or rerouting. He had ten new little chapter books and a bunch of sheet music to study. He had three new books on tape, new markers, new crayons, about a ream of drawing paper, the taped together photos of Jim and Ess, his new photo album of his "California family", (he'd finally learned to pronounce it right) and Neddy. Only one guess needed on who packed the bag. "Ess, he's going to sprain his shoulders, hon."

"No, he won't." Ess, eyes unnaturally bright all day, held her future stepson's hand as they walked out of the studio. The men in her life had stopped to pick her up at the studio at noon on the dot, and now they were getting back in the car, heading to LAX. How can those three letters inspire such different emotions? Near panic, elation, and now, abject sadness and a feeling of homesickness although she wasn't leaving her home. _But when he leaves, it's like part of your home goes with him..._

"Call your mom as soon as you land, then call us, okay?"Jim reminded his son.

"I will." He said softly. "I miss the cats, Dad."

"I know, little man." Jim reached back and took his hand comfortingly.

"What if they forget me?"

"They won't, Buddy. You're like their dad, you don't forget me whenever we- separate?"

"No." The six year old admitted grudgingly. "Can I watch the show this year? I know it isn't real. I've heard bad words before. I could watch it. Then I could see you every week." He pleaded.

Ess and Jim shared a regretful look. "No." Jim finally said firmly, calmly, as if it wasn't hurting him to refuse his son anything, especially something so simple as getting to see his "parents" for one hour a week. "This year the show is very, very violent, and very sad. Lots of people die. Not okay for you to watch."

"Can I watch the older shows?"

"No. None of the shows. Promise?"

"Promise." Sul said heavily after a moment of silence.

"We're coming out to see you in two weeks." Ess broke in as she had her first cheerful thought of the day. "Why don't we make some videos for you and bring them with us?Then you can see us whenever you want."

"With Max and Patrick?"

"Yes, I'm sure they'll be on at least one." Ess posited.

"And some of the girls?"

"Yes, them too." Ess smiled.

"And you and Daddy on every single one? And the kitties?"

"Of course." Jim fell in line with Ess's reassurances.

"Oh, and we'll have to make a new weekend list. For New York. Unless you already have that." Ess's voice trailed off.

"We do." Jim looked into Sully's eyes through the rearview mirror. "But we made it before Ess, so we can update it, right Little Man?"

"Right." He instantly dug around in his bag, pulled out paper and red crayon.

Jim marveled again at this woman. She didn't know anything about kids, but she'd turned into his son's new best friend in a few weeks. She didn't know what it was like to send your child thousands of miles away for months at a time, but she knew how to grieve with him. She'd never driven with him to put Sul back on a plane, but she somehow knew their routine. Because every long drive back to the airport departure lounge was filled with making new plans for next time. Thinking about the next time they would be together made the hurt of saying goodbye go away for just a bit, but it helped.

"It'll be almost your birthday when we fly out. We'll have to have some cake and ice cream, get some presents." Jim smiled easily over his shoulder.

"Oh! I know, we should go see a play." Ess had a happy memory of attending musicals with her grade school classes.

"Guitar lesson and practice." The child was the most responsible in their weekend planning, forcing the two adults to laugh. "Okay- what else?"

The departing flights ramp appeared with frightening speed. Sul noticed and solemnly put his crayon and pad away. "Are you sure they won't break my guitar?" He asked fearfully.

"I'm sure. But just in case, I'm going to speak to your designated attendant about letting you carry it on."

His flight was due to leave at 1:45. As an unaccompanied minor, Sully had some special privileges, expedited security check, and then back to a special lounge where he would sit with his guardians and meet the flight attendant who would be traveling with him.

The three of them sat in a huddle. Although when in public, Sul would usually claim that he was too big to sit on his dad's lap, he waived that opinion at airports. He sat in Jim's lap, and the three of them made cheerful conversation, while being unusually affectionate. Every comment was punctuated with a held hand or ruffled hair, a quick squeeze or a tickle.

"I'm going to miss you,big guy." Jim said finally. The clock said 1:25, soon they would pre-board the kids.

"I'm going to miss you." Sul wrapped his arms around his father's neck. Jim took comfort in the fact that Sully wouldn't cry. He'd miss him, but he didn't quite perceive all the mental anguish that Jim did. To his son, tears were usually reserved for severe scrapes and falls off of chairs or bikes. He wasn't a crier.

Ess inserted herself into the hug at Jim's unspoken invitation of one open arm. "I'm going to miss you so much." Ess placed her head atop his.

"Love you, Ess. Love you, Dad." He kissed them both on the cheek. The loudspeaker crackled and pre-boarding had begun. "Will you hug Mist and Stripes when you get home? You'll remember to feed them every day?"

"I promise." Ess answered thickly. She blinked hard. No crying. Until he was gone. That was the deal she'd made with herself. "I love you, too." Ess gave him one more big hug, then she would stop, she would calmly see him off.

"Thanks for getting married to our family." Sullivan smiled at her, tapping her ring.

Plan shot to hell. She bawled. Jim hugged Sully and told him he loved him. He seemed to be vaguely amused and bewildered by Ess, who cried and laughed at the same time.

"Ready, Sullivan?" The escorting attendant came to collect him.

"Okay, that's our cue." Jim bit back his own tears, kissed and held his son once more, passed him on to Ess, stole him back for a last embrace, and regretfully let him walk onto the jetway. The attendant carried his small guitar case and a fifty pressed into his hand, by Ess this time, not Jim. "Miss you! Love you!" All three of them called simultaneously.

They watched hand-in-hand as Sully waved to them from his window seat, waving back frantically, blowing kisses. They stayed until the plane began its taxi, and then slowly walked off.

"I'm so sorry." Ess blew her nose daintily as they weaved their way out to the short term parking area. "I didn't mean to cry."

"I know." Jim said grimly.

"Are you mad?" she asked timidly.

"No, I'm trying not to cry so I can see to drive." Jim said in the same strained manner.

"You can cry." Essie said needlessly. She'd already seen him do that, and he wasn't uptight about crying. He was an actor. He could cry almost on command, but she knew his real tears from his fake ones after this summer.

"No. I can't. I'll wreck if I cry trying to get out of the damned parking lot."

"We're late." The actress remarked tonelessly after several minutes of driving in silence.

"Screw it." He replied in the same flat voice.

"Do you film today?"

"Yeah. I can do anything but my speech at the end of the second episode. If they try and make me, I'll leave. I'm warning you. I just don't have it in me today."

"Then I'll leave, too." She hesitantly took his arm. "I love you. I know I let you down in there, but-"

"What? Ess! I love you more than anything in the world, besides my son. You could never let me down." He darted his eyes to hers and back to the road. "You're the one who's got my back, Baby. You're the one who takes the falls with me, remember?"

"You always catch me." She smiled at him. "You never let me down, either."

Another tense moment of driving in silence, speeding now, trying to make the studio before more time passed and the higher ups threatened to self-destruct. "You remember all that stuff I said about wanting a real life with you where it's full of crap, but it is real, not carefully pre-written for us?"

"Yeah, and I agreed with you. Are you changing your mind?" Ess asked worriedly. "Because I admit today was pretty lousy, what with the bawling, and feeling like the middle of my heart sandwich just took off on a 757..."

"Not changing my mind, Essie. Just realizing that I'm getting what I wanted. What we wanted. And it's okay, isn't it? Hurts like hell, but it's okay-"

"Because we're together." She concluded. "Yeah. Everything's going to be okay."

_To be continued..._


	17. Chapter 17

**Starting Over**

**By Sweetprincipale**

_Post Season 7- Non-canon beginning at the end of the final episode. No comics. Buffy and Spike find themselves trapped in a void between two dimensions, watching their mirror images acting out pieces of their lives in another realm. If both halves can find true love, choose each other, and make some other important choices, Buffy and Spike will have a chance to rejoin their world, and have a chance at starting over from the point where they perished in the Hellmouth._

_Author's Note: A chapter split 50-50 between our parallel universes. Also, hot Spuffy/vampiric loving ensues. (As it so often does when I'm writing.)_

_Dedicated to Ginar369, Omslagspapper, Alexiarrose, Jewel74, and Tawny. Thank you for the continued support! _

**Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine. **

**Part XVII**

"Monica's on the high school library set. Where's Essie?" Jim pointed the video camera at Ashley and Ellie.

"Is that on?" Ellie asked.

"Not yet. Where's Max?"

"Max's getting the new scripts for the fifth and sixth." Ashley smiled as she sipped her latte. "Are these more Sul movies?"

"Yup. O-kay- look beautiful, ladies."

"Hi Sul!" The two cooed.

"We miss you so much!"

"Did you like the birthday card?" The red head asked.

"He's not actually on the other end of that thing." Ellie pointed out.

"He isn't? Sul? Are you in there?" Jim pointed the camera at his face and peered into the lens.

"Hey! Stop being crazy without me." Max jumped in from behind, scattering large white packets as he did so. "Sulster! Miss you, man."

"Would you guys please be more quiet?" A young actor who played one of the kids at Sunnydale High came over to them. "The director is looking upset, and the sound tech asked me to come tell you that."

"Oh, the directors always looks upset." Max waved it away, but Jim nodded and turned off the small camera.

"So how was the weekend away?" Ellie whispered, picking up the scattered scripts.

"Good. Essie did give him your cards, guys, and he loved them."

"What'd you do in New York?" Max started flipping through his new script.

"We went to Hard Rock Cafe, saw _Hairspray_- Essie's idea, not mine," He quickly added "and spent way too much time getting asked for autographs."

"Did you get him the new bike?"

"No, we were going to, but then he saw something else he wanted. Brand new black electric guitar- just like his old man's." Jim beamed. It was Monday afternoon. Essie and he had only returned on the red eye late last night, wanting to have as much time with Sul as possible before coming home.

Max handed him his script and he frowned. "Look at this. I'll be in and out in a day." Jim sighed.

"Is that elation or regret?" Max asked.

"Both. I want to put in my hours, Essie's working so hard. I also don't really wanna be the house husband."

"Aww, come on. Gender equality. Besides, did you look at six yet?" Max prodded. Jim switched scripts.

"Oh, shit." He let out a long breath. "This is gonna take all day for at least seven, if not eight."

"And look- lots of Xander and Spike bonding and bashing. We get tons of work together, compadre!"

"Max, no one says 'compadre' anymore." Jim rolled his eyes.

"No one says 'wanker' on this side of the Atlantic, but you do it."

"Only after a lot of exposure to Patrick." Jim admitted.

"If one more extra looks at me like I'm God, can I hit them?" Essie arrived in the huddle, pulling off her heels and collapsing onto Jim's lap as he sat in his canvas director-style chair.

"No. But gimme ten minutes in makeup and I'll bite them for you." Jim smiled, hugging her close, purposefully working his knee between her thighs to her mound, knowing no one else could see what his leg was doing, covered as it was by her long skirt. With all the flying, and the hectic parenting/birthday weekend in New York, they hadn't had much "alone" time in a few days.

"I wanna go home! I wanna go to bed!" She whined, arching herself down slightly as she said "bed".

"Uh-oh." Ashley smiled. "Lust bunnies."

"Bunnies!" Ellie yelped and they all laughed at her startled expression. "Oh my God. I really just did that. I totally just went 'Anya' for a minute."

"Four years of playing one character will do that to you." Essie smiled. "Jim tried to pick up an entire playset by himself."

"Okay, we're definitely having something about 'keep thy husband's secrets' put in the vows." Jim tickled her with a growl on his face, mock biting her neck.

"Did I ever tell you about the day that Essie lost her keys in the parking lot and dumped out her whole purse- and there was a stake inside?" They all began to laugh, as hard as they could without making noise. Essie smacked Ashley on the knee.

"I grabbed the wrong bag! It looked just like my real one, no wonder I couldn't find the keys in it!" She hissed in protest.

"You're up again!" Monica ran over, tagged Essie lightly on the shoulder. Essie groaned and pushed off Jim's lap, kissing him before she trudged back over.

"Heels!" Jim reminded her, tossing her the shoes she'd left behind.

"Look what I have!" Monica rummaged in a designer backpack left by the side of her chair. "_Modern Bride_, _Elegant Bride_, _Designer Bride_ and _Today's Bride_. Who wants what?"

"I'm sorry, I'll pass." Max said with a sickened expression. "Had enough of that last season, not to mention a couple years ago."

"I'm in charge of honeymoon, rings, men's wear, and music." Jim held up his hands and leaned away from the magazines.

"You're leaving Essie with the food, the flowers, the arrangements, the dresses, hair, makeup-" Monica glared at him as she hissed out a list of items all Hollywood weddings seemed to need.

"No! I'm just not doing the dresses. Food and almost all of the rest is a joint effort. Honestly."

"What color did she go with?" Ashley asked as she started leafing through.

"I believe at seven last night it was ocean blue. But on Friday night's flight it was jade green."

"It was pink during lunch on Friday!" Monica protested.

"I think you should focus on style, not color then." Jim shrugged. "I think Essie is still deciding."

"But the date is firm now?" Max demanded. "Because I'm arranging our summer trip to Hawaii around your wedding, dude."

"Yes, it's firm. The Saturday after the last episode wraps up. That should give us enough time to get everyone to stop crying."

"We'll still see each other!" Monica squeaked. "Won't we?"

"Of course!" Ashley reached over and hugged her. "This cast is a family. So there."

"You're in our effing wedding, pipsqueak." Jim gave her a brotherly grin. "You are hereby officially in the family. I now pronounce you Aunt Monica, keeper of the Sul."

"I think I'm gonna cry," said the girl, genuinely moved.

"Monica! Back up here!" cried Essie.

"Save the tears for the scene tomorrow." Max advised. "Saves wear and tear on the tear ducts."

Jim nodded and added "Good point."

The cast of regulars sat off stage, waiting to be cued, reading over the next two episodes' scripts. From time to time someone would tap someone else on the shoulder and go run a scene. Max and Jim practiced a little while, and then Max brought up what he considered a tricky subject. "Did you see that Essie's supposed to 'get friendly' with this student when she's under the love spell?"

"Yeah." Jim replied absently and ran his lines in his head.

"You okay with that?"

"Huh? Oh, am I okay with it? It's just a job. She's not in love with anyone but me. I'm not pulling a Matt."

"Pulling a Matt?" Max leaned in closer. No one had ever really pressed Jim and Essie for an explanation of how they suddenly went from co-stars to lovers in what seemed to be a one week time period. "You know I love Essie, don't you?"

"Yes." Jim replied cautiously.

"We've spent over six years together at this point. And Matt kind of dropped the ball halfway through last year. But I always felt like there was something she wasn't telling us."

"Not my place to say." Jim replied, looking deep into Max's eyes, knowing that there was no desire to hurt Essie in his heart, only to be a better friend.

"Then can you answer me one thing? Please?"

"I can try." Jim wouldn't promise anything.

Max's voice dropped. Almost low enough that Jim had to read his lips, and his eyes burned dangerously. "Did he say- she liked being abused?"

Jim rocked back on his heels. "How?"

"I don't know. I just wondered if he did." Max's voice remained intense.

"Yeah. He did."

"And the- the scene?" Max referred to the one thing that they tried never to speak of.

"Nothing good to say." was Jim's only response.

"Bastard."

"Who? Me or him?" Jim demanded bitterly.

"Him! I'm glad you love her better than he did, Jimmy. She deserves a guy like you. And you deserve a girl like her."

"No, I don't." Jim sighed, watching Essie from the corner of his eye as she began a fight scene with some guys in long red cloaks. "But the amazing thing is, Max, that she wants me anyway."

* * *

_"Where do we want this?" Spike and Xander marched through the living room of the Summers' new townhouse with a large cedar chest._

_ "Is that my new weapons chest!?" Buffy came down the stairs three at a time. _

_ "Yes, and it's heavy." Xander said pointedly._

_ "Put it behind the sofa. No! Put it in the middle bedroom upstairs! No, put it-"_

_ "I'm puttin' it in the middle bedroom, Luv. That's where we train the most."_

_ "Okay." Buffy nodded at this reasonable suggestion. "Where's Dawn? I thought she went with you to pick up the rest of the furniture?"_

_ "Red stole her to go check out Madam What's 'er Name's Magic Shop." Spike puffed as he shouldered the love seat sized chest up the stairs._

_ "Wasn't Giles with you?"_

_ "Call from England. Apparently they can't wait until tomorrow to ask him a hundred more questions." Xander panted. "Okay, and lift and turn- oof!" Xander groaned. "Damn! Dammit!"_

_ Without his second eye, sometimes Xander had a hard time judging the distance around corners. A nice scrape appeared along the stairwell. Buffy bit her lip and looked at Spike. Spike, for all his braggadocio about needing nothing but a fridge, bed, telly, and something to warm the blood in, was very proud of their new home. He had a family for the first time in over 120 years and he cherished it, and anything that related to it. _

_ "No worries, mate." Spike shrugged and kept walking backwards up the last stair. "Did you see the vaulting horse yet?"_

_ "Yeah, like the last three times I was over." Xander muttered._

_ "Maybe you should stop comin' over so much." Spike snarled back, but it was good natured._

_ "Maybe you should let your wife out more."_

_ "She likes her at home activities."_

_ "Oh, gag." Xander made a retching sound._

_ "One more word, an' I will."_

_ "Knew you had a kinky side."_

_ "You aren't my type." Spike sneered. There was a thud and the new chest was in place._

_ Buffy laughed in relief. Although no one could say Spike and Xander were getting along like best friends, or that their teasing was polite, there wasn't any venom behind the words- usually. They had been settling in for a week after getting home from their honeymoon, and life was starting to resume routine activities, with a large side order of normal. _

_ The Summers family delighted in doing everyday things like going grocery shopping, learning to drive the new black Jeep, and learning to cook. Buffy blushed. The cooking hadn't been the greatest success, but Spike would eat pretty much anything with a big, broad smile, and praise her attempts. He was happy, as long as he and his "two girls" were together. _

_ Dawn had bought a cheap bed, dresser, and desk, and a big expensive stereo. Buffy had been about to go into "irresponsible waste of money" lecture mode, and Spike stopped her. He and Dawn shared a knowing smile. Their first night home together, (which hadn't been until a few days ago due to needing some furniture and some complications with getting her money transferred into a joint account) Buffy knew why. As soon as Dawn went to her room, the stereo began to blare._

_ "Why in the world-" Buffy got up from the dining room table and began to march up the stairs._

_ "Buffy, Luv." Spike slithered up behind her, cupping her chest as he pulled her to his. "The Niblet and I aren't stupid."_

_ "What are you talking about?"_

_ "You and I make noise, Pet. Loud-" He kissed her neck, "passionate," thrust his hips into her rear, "bloody incredible, shag-me-until-this-bed breaks noises."_

_ "I know. But I was quiet last night, right?"_

_ "You were less loud than usual." He whispered._

_ "It's embarrassing." She moaned._

_ "Tell you what, Luv- we can go practice again," he licked her earlobe softly, "and again, and again," each word punctuated with a nibble down to her claim mark, "until we learn to lower the volume."_

_ "That's really why she bought the stereo?"_

_ "Yeah. But don't feel bad about it. She said she's happy we're so happy. She just doesn't want the exact details of how happy. Although she said the roar I make sounded like the tiger she saw at the San Diego Zoo one year and she was impressed."_

_ Willow and Dawn broke Buffy's blushing stroll down memory lane, with their abrupt entrance. "We are so lucky! Willow got all this stuff to do protective spells on the houses for like, a twenty!"_

_ "Xander! I picked up the movie from Blockbuster!" Willow hugged Buffy hello and called up the stairs._

_ "'Mars Attacks'?" Xander sounded thrilled. Buffy heard Spike's groan._

_ "Yes! And Spike? I got 'The Holy Grail' for you."_

_ "Red! You're the best!" Spike and Xander pounded down the stairs. _

_ "Yeah, but what do we watch?" Xander demanded, taking the movies from Willow's hands. _

_ "We could arm wrestle for it." Spike suggested with a malicious smile, well aware that vampires would always win over average humans._

_ "Can you control him or something? You're all 'claimed out', can't you make him heel, or sit, or something?"_

_ Shut up, Xander." Dawn smiled. "We should stay up and watch both. Tomorrow Giles leaves and we start patrolling. We should celebrate our last night of completely normal human stuff."_

_ "Right. I'll go heat up some blood and put some popcorn in. Red, do you have lizard tongues in that bag? Yeah, let me put 'em in the fridge until you go, they work better cold." Spike grabbed a small box from Willow and walked off, leaving the four humans staring at each other._

_ "He kind of- stomped all over the normal." Dawn pouted. Buffy patted her back gently._

_ "It's what you get for marrying a vampire." Xander nodded seriously. Buffy withered him with a glance. "Shutting up now."_

* * *

_ By coin toss, the Monty Python version of The Holy Grail went first. Buffy looked around contentedly. She was trying to learn to like the British comedy that Spike and Dawn, and even Willow and Xander seemed to enjoy. She thought it was all pretty crazy, but it was okay with her. She was only half watching the movie. She was mainly watching the people she loved. Willow and Xander were on the new dark blue couch with a bowl of popcorn between them, and Dawn was sprawled out over a throw pillow, kicking her feet aimlessly, painting her nails as she watched. She and Spike sat in the thick, cushiony black recliner. It was completely weird, she thought, lifting a wine glass full of blood to pass to her husband, and opening her mouth automatically as he held up a kernel of popcorn to her lips. _Sitting here in suburbia, feeding, being fed, and no one screaming at me that it's a vampire. Completely wonderful. Only one thing could-

_ Spike was pushing her off of him hard, barely avoided spilling the blood, and he yanked the remote off the coffee table, switched off the television._

_ "Hey!" Willow yelped._

_ "Spike!" Dawn looked up at him, shaking her wet nails in annoyance._

_ "'Mars Attacks' anyone?" Spike looked around at them as if he had just behaved completely normally._

_ "What the hell are you doing?" Buffy demanded._

_ "Thank you." Xander, his head resting wearily on the back of the couch, gave Spike a grateful smile._

_ "Wasn't thinkin'." Spike looked uncomfortable._

_ "Would one of you please tell me-" Buffy watched as Dawn's expression changed and she gave Spike a look of little sister adoration._

_ "I don't get it." Willow contributed. Buffy pointed to her and nodded._

_ Xander spoke. "It's supposed to be a big joke. It's the terrible creature they talk about- it's a killer bunny. A soft, fluffy little white rabbit. But it still takes out like ten knights with its 'big, pointy teeth'," Xander concluded in a bad British accent._

_ "I forgot. That bit. I mean, I knew it was there, I jus' wasn't thinkin' about..." Spike shrugged and bent down in front of the DVD player._

_ "Hey! We totally need to finish it! We're near the end, plus one of my favorite parts is coming up. Gotta love the bridge keeper." Xander smiled bravely._

_ "I'll fast forward." Dawn chimed in._

_ Buffy sat back down, letting Spike move in underneath her when he returned. 'You are a really good friend.' She communicated silently._

_ 'Let's not call me that, yeah, Precious?'_

_ 'If you let me call you his friend, I'll reward you...'_

_ 'You reward me each night, Luv.' Spike caressed her thigh with the hand between her body and the chair, knowing no one could see him doing it._

_ 'Oh. Yeah.' She giggled aloud and Willow looked over at them._

_ "They're doing some Jedi mind stuff again, aren't they?" Xander asked in a bored voice, scooping up the last handful of popcorn._

_ "Are not!" Buffy exclaimed. The rest looked at her with a glance that clearly said "Believe whatever you want, we _know_." "Or, maybe possibly, we were." She concluded in a tiny voice. Spike's arms pulled her close. _

_ "You're so sweet, Luv." He nibbled her ear. "You lot don't mind, do you? Rather not hear the lovin' little nasties we exchange, in't that right?"_

_ "Yes to the zillionth power." Xander sighed, pulling his sickened expression._

_ "Can I come in? Someone left the door unlocked. Completely invalidates the protective charms!" Giles made an entrance, shaking his wet raincoat off as he entered the house._

_ "I seem to recall a certain poncey librarian never rememberin' to lock his flat..." Spike drawled, earning an elbow from Buffy._

_ "Okay, Dawn and Willow- you were the last ones in. I hereby order you to make more popcorn as penance." Buffy said with a queenly wave. Spike paused the movie, ignoring Xander's groan, and stood up. _

_ "Bloody hell, Rupes, you brought the rain with you." Spike peered out the window. "At least the last of the furniture's in." He smiled at the older (in appearance) man, and popped open a small dark wood cabinet in the corner of the dining room. "Bevy?"_

_ "God, yes." Giles sank into a chair, smiling at Buffy and Xander._

_ "You want somethin' Cyclops?"_

_ "You got a beer?"_

_ "Not unless you toddle into the kitchen an' get it. Don't keep beer in the liquor cabinet." Spike poured a generous measure of whiskey for himself and Giles._

_ "I'll bring it to you!" Willow called to Xander._

_ "Thanks, Will." He replied._

_ "Oh, is this Monty Python?" Giles took note of what was on the screen._

_ "Last five minutes, but yeah." Spike answered. "Next up is 'Mars Attacks'."_

_ "Dammit. You should've put that on first, you knew I'd be late." Giles scowled at his peroxided "son-in-law"._

_ "Stop whingin' and drink up." Spike ignored his comment._

_ The "family" stayed up late into the night, everyone feeling a sense of security, that they were together and hadn't yet been attacked since coming to Pine Ridge. And the added security that they could walk home in relative safety, all of them within five minutes' distance from one another, while still being in the same complex._

_ Dawn was the first to fall asleep, then Xander. "Come on, wakey wakey." Willow shook his shoulder. "Let's go home and sleep."_

_ "Ahn?" Xander asked in a sorrowful mumble. Everyone in the room blanched, four faces mirroring a stab of pain. Only Dawn, blissfully asleep, remained out of the pained exchange._

_ "I-it's me, Willow." Willow replied softly, stroking his shoulder gently. _

_ "Huh? Did I miss the bus?" Xander woke up with a start._

_ "Let's go home. It's late." Willow smiled softly._

_ "Yeah- wow the movie's over. I must be zonked, man." Xander kissed Buffy on the cheek and waved to Giles and Spike, leaned on Willow and they began their short walk home._

_ "I'll get the little lady to bed." Spike bent down and scooped up Dawn, letting Buffy help angle her head so it leaned on his shoulder and didn't fall back over his arm._

_ "Is that necessary? And Dawn used to be such a light sleeper." Giles asked Buffy once Spike was up the stairs._

_ "She feels safe. We noticed it last week. She started being able to sleep though anything. Including alarm clocks and smoke alarms."_

_ "Smoke alarms?"_

_ "I didn't realize how fast French toast could burn, okay?" Buffy dared him to say anything more, and Giles wisely desisted. _

_ "But surely, he doesn't need to carry her up like a child."_

_ "No. And tomorrow she'll yell at him. But he loves Dawn like a little sister and it's the closest we'll ever get to having kids of our own, so..."_

_ "No. You're right, I quite understand." Giles cleared his throat. "You know, Buffy, I understand that they do some amazing things in reproductive-"_

_ "No." Buffy snipped the word off. "Maybe- maybe someday. But right now, we're in no position to raise a kid. We can barely raise Dawn and she's sixteen! She's housebroken and knows how to tie her shoes, and she still exhausts me. I think it's all the arguing." Buffy rubbed her head with a rueful smile._

_ "You make an excellent point. Particularly about the arguing. It is a Summers' family trait." Giles laughed and hugged her. "I shall miss you all dreadfully you know? And I'll probably call up each day I'm gone? Just to let Spike insult me and hear you tell me how much I'm missed."_

_ "Sounds like a plan." Buffy smiled up at him. "You swear on the Watcher's sacred lapel pin- or whatever you guys hold sacred- that you'll come home soon?"_

_ "I do. As soon as I can. And you'll check the mail and water the plants?"_

_ "You have plants?"_

_ "Oh. That's right, I haven't any more. Well, collect the mail anyway." Giles cast a nervous look upstairs. "Why is he taking so long?"_

_ "I don't know- hang on." Buffy screwed her eyes shut tight and tried to feel her mate, something she was not yet adept at. She could vaguely feel him, laughing, talking, a feeling of peace. "Dawn woke up. They're talking. I think they're sitting on her bed, or our bed. I can't tell, but he feels happy and peaceful." Buffy smiled, at peace and happy herself._

_ "Good. I need to speak to you alone." Giles pulled her elbow and led her into the kitchen, speaking in a hushed undertone. "I have a belated wedding gift for you."_

_ "But you already gave us the liquor cabinet and the parallel bars." Buffy smiled up at him, amusement at his choice of wedding gifts evident on her face._

_ "And the gift card! Let's not forget the gift card. It was the most American thing I've ever done, give a small piece of gaudy plastic as a wedding gift. Well, that and group hugs." They shared a laugh and then Giles reached into the breast pocket of his blazer and pulled out an envelope that bulged strangely in one corner. "This gift isn't from me."_

_ "W-well who is it from then?" Buffy's voice faltered as she looked at his solemn expression._

_ "Angel. It came yesterday, with all the papers I need to take to London." Giles polished his glasses and turned away. "I haven't opened it, of course, but I imagine it's something you'll like. He's very - thoughtful - when it comes to you, Buffy. He always asks after you, when I speak to him."_

_ "Yeah. You think I'd better open it alone in case Spike gets worked up?"_

_ "Just as a precaution." Giles placated hastily._

_ "No, I agree. If Drusilla sent us a card, I'd probably- well, it probably wouldn't be a card, it'd probably be the lifeless body of the mailman, but exes are tricky things." Buffy grabbed a knife from the silverware drawer and slowly slit the envelope. _

_ "Shall I give you a moment alone?" Giles offered._

_ "Huh? No, no." Buffy waved it away, more bravery on her face than she actually felt. She wondered if this tug at her heart would ever go away, heard a sudden squeal from Dawn and a cry of "Not pink, the black nail varnish!" from Spike and laughed. Maybe the tug would always be there, but she had her anchor now. _

_ The card wasn't a card, it was a thick folded piece of white paper, plain on the outside and only a few short lines on the inside. Buffy read them silently, eyes clouding, and then read it aloud._

_ "Buffy,_

_ Congratulations on your marriage. I know that this is something you want, and will bring you happiness. Forgive me for not attending the ceremony, or making a better effort to get this to you sooner. _

_ I hope this gift increases your joy, but use it sparingly. And never keep it on too long._

_ All my love,_

_ Angel."_

_ "Well, that was-"_

_ "Nowhere near as broody and emotionally draining as you'd expect?" Buffy looked up, puzzled, lips pushed forward in a tense half smile._

_ "I imagine it's the best he could do, Buffy." Giles smiled sadly, placing his hand on her arm comfortingly. "I'm sure he could have written you something much more evocative, but I do believe that your happiness is precious to him. And so he tried."_

_ "He did good. I just feel puzzled, which in my world, is so much better than the heart wrenching grief I usually associate with him." She forced herself to sound perky as she shook the envelope out into her palm. "Let's see what he gave me, and why I can't wear it too long or too often." She shook out a small silver pendent on a long chain. A split v-shape with an opalescent stone, three tiny blue specks at the vertex of the v and the stone. "Okay- still got no idea. And it really isn't my style, to tell you the truth."_

_ "I don't recognize it. It isn't any type of good luck or protection symbol that I'm aware of ." Giles turned the charm lightly in his hand. "Blue isn't an especially significant color, can be used be used for both good and evil."_

_ "Evil? You think he might have sent me something evil?"_

_ "No!" Giles shook his head and laughed. Buffy didn't look particularly convinced. "No, honestly, dear. If he'd sent something evil, he'd have told me to give it to Spike." They laughed dryly and Buffy conceded his point. "I don't know what it is, but it isn't terribly significant, or else I'd recognize it."_

_ "Unless it's incredibly rare." Buffy chewed her lip worriedly._

_ "I can take it with me to England, let the coven take a look?"_

_ "No. No, it's probably not even mystical, it's probably like a health and prosperity kitschy thing. And it totally doesn't go with my new clothes, so I'll just put it in my jewelry box- when I get one, and one day we'll investigate."_

_ "Buffy!" Dawn's laughing voice echoed down the stairs. "Come up here and get Spike! He's got my new diary hostage!"_

_ "An' I'm gonna start readin' out sections unless you give me the soddin' nail polish remover!"_

_ "Play nice!" Buffy shouted. "And you should both come down here! Giles is leaving and he's taking the noon flight out of here!"_

_ "Willow's driving me to the airport. It's rather late to get to bed, Buffy, so I won't disturb you in the morning." He hugged her tightly and pointed to the necklace. Buffy slid the chain and note into the drawer smoothly, just in time to be confronted by a growling Spike._

_ "What's wrong?" Buffy left Giles' arms and took Spike in her own._

_ "Niblet." He held up both hands, showing that eight of ten nails were jet black and two were bright, baby doll pink._

_ "And whose fault is that?" Dawn flounced down behind him, and clung to Giles. "Who's supposed to be all big and bad with vampire senses?"_

_ "She put on a Billy Idol tune, you know that makes me crazy!"_

_ "Distracted?" Buffy purred. "Don't worry, it comes off."_

_ "She put the nail polish remover under her pillow and sat on it." He glared._

_ "You know you could have picked me up and moved me." She taunted._

_ "You scratch!" Spike pointed accusingly._

_ Giles stifled a laugh by pressing his lips to Dawn's forehead. "Oh, jolly good. I'll start my speech like this tomorrow. The Slayer of Slayers and his wife and sister-in-law sharing a quiet evening."_

_ "Do and you're dead." Buffy and Spike said as one._

_ "It's so cool when they do that." Dawn whispered. Giles hugged her tightly and hugged Buffy once more._

_ "Night." Spike said casually._

_ "Night, Spike." Giles returned. The two men waved. Giles turned at the end of the small patio."You look after them while I'm gone."_

_ "And you come back soon. Oi, could you smuggle us back some English cigs?"_

_ "Thought you were quitting!"_

_ "I get one per patrol, and none in the house. If I'm gonna be savoring them, I might as well get the good stuff, yeah?"_

_ "Bring you back two packs- and that's it."_

_ "You're a prince, Watcher."_

_ "You're an ass, Spike." Giles sighed. They exchanged a grin and Spike shut the door._

_ Dawn tossed Spike the nail polish remover, kissed both of her "siblings" goodnight and trotted upstairs. Spike sat down on the edge of the kitchen counter and began scrubbing his two colorful nails sadistically. "Stupid little snack pack." _

_ "Want me to give you some more bad news?" Buffy smiled brightly._

_ "Bad news?" He looked up sharply._

_ "No, not really. Just news that'll make you snort and prowl and behave like a mad dog."_

_ "You know you love me like that." He teased. She smiled, but didn't engage in his teasing. "You'd best tell me, then." He sighed._

_ Buffy drew the paper and gift out of the drawer and read it quietly. Spike said nothing, but put his hand out for the necklace. She hesitantly dropped it into his palm, waiting to hear the squish of metal bending or the snap of chain links popping. "No tinglies." Spike handed it back after a moment. "You gonna wear it?"_

_ "No. I was gonna keep it though. Put it in my jewelry box, someday have Giles research it. Do you recognize it?"_

_ "No. Not really. May have seen something like it in one of the shops in Brazil. Very, very religious there. Almost everyone had on a cross. Think it might be something to do with church-types."_

_ "I'm not really a church-y type." Buffy grinned. "You don't mind if I keep it?"_

_ "You're not gonna go cuddle it and snog it, thinkin' of the Poof are you?"_

_ "Extreme no." Buffy laughed. "I would like to go snog and cuddle with you though."_

_ "Made you say snog." Spike laughed, picking her up._

_ "You didn't make me! It was my own decision." Buffy pouted._

_ "Ooh, and she pouts. Lemme have that juicy little lip..."_

_ Spike carried her up the stairs and into their room. Dawn's stereo was up loud and Buffy turned on their CD player as well. No one but Spike would hear her noises tonight, she hoped. She slowly undressed, listening to the sound of water running in their en suite bathroom, knowing Spike was brushing his teeth, and feeling oddly comforted by the fact that she had lived through another apocalypse to appreciate the everyday things of life. _

_ She lay back on their bed, naked and ready, already wet. Missed him all day. Too many people in this house, too many things to do to build a new life and a new home, to take some time alone with him. Well, she was taking it now. She smiled up at the wall above their bureau. They had no pictures left, nothing of any size, a few wallet snaps and some crinkled ones hastily shoved in Dawn's bag the last morning before battling the First. So what piece of artwork dominated the bedroom? A framed marriage license. Spike had hung it on the wall the very first day, with tape, and the next day gotten the frame and nailed it in properly. Little things like that made her smile._

_ "Hello, Pet." His voice was like ebony silk, and it seemed to be magic. It didn't just fill her ears, it filled all her openings until she was sick with wanting him. "Miss me today?"_

_ "Mmmhmm." She turned out the lights and pulled him down beside her. "I'm all wet and I'm all clenchy inside."_

_ "Mm, clenchy is a very, very good thing." Spike purred. "What do you need, Luv, me inside now, or time to play first?"_

_ "Do whatever you want, just make the clenching stop." She begged recklessly. _

_ "Do whatever I want? Aren't you being a naughty girl."_

_ "There is nothing wrong with anything my loving husband I want to do together." She reminded him, and he glowed. _

_ "Love when you say that, Buffy. Love you so much, Pet, and I'm so happy when you trust me, give yourself to me. Oh yes, Luv." He was lost in her kisses, and only escaped her lips to work his way down to other, equally delectable places._

_ "Ahh, yes." She moaned and arched her body to get more of herself into his mouth._

_ Spike stiffened, nostrils suddenly twitching. He took an experimental lick of her sweet honey and vamped. Shaking his head hard to reclaim his human features, he looked up at her, face no longer soft, but undeniably, dangerously, hungry. "Luv?"_

_ "What is it, Baby?" She raised her head off the pillow, and his look of wanton passion made her clench hard, almost drip the wetness onto his hand as it stroked her teasingly. "Why the badboy face?"_

_ "Nothing we do is wrong, isn't that right, Luv?" He caressed her with his words, leading her along, waiting for her to agree._

_ "Nothing at all." She nodded, hips rolling slightly as she waited for more of his loving attention._

_ "Did y'know you were starting?" His blue eyes burned into hers._

_ "Starting? Starting what?"_

_ "Shh. Never mind. Let it be a surprise." His tongue took one long slow sweep of her outside folds, and then plunged inside._

_ She moaned and opened wider, amazed all over again at how passionate he could be, how thorough. Every inch of her received glorious treatment._

_ Little traces of her hot, sweet blood mixed with her more copious clear nectar. The cocktail of the gods and he'd never had it, only dreamed of it. And she was giving it to him. _Not strictly true, that last bit_, his priggish inner voice reminded him. _She doesn't know what you meant. If she did, she might refuse. And if you take something, knowing she might not consent, what are you doing?_ He yanked his head up with a gasp and the hungry look was gone, replaced by a fearful, worried expression._

_ "Honey!" Buffy sat up and reached for him. "Tell me what this is about. Right now? Are you hearing things?"_

_ "No. No, just not makin' the same mistakes again." He shook his head and raked his fingers through his hair. "Buffy- when was your last- time?"_

_ "Before you? Geez, I don't know, that night-"_

_ "No, not your last time before me." He took her hands in his and smiled. "Promise me you won't be angry, Pet?"_

_ "I won't be angry." She gave her vow, although privately promising that she wouldn't kill him if she was. By Spike's amused flicker of a smile, she knew he understood that._

_ "When was the last time- you had your monthly-" She cut him off, blushing._

_ "I don't even know. Not since the battle obviously or you'd know that. Oh. Oh! That's what I'm starting. I'm sorry, Baby, no I didn't know, we'll find something else to do." She rubbed his arms apologetically._

_ "Why? Do we have to?" He pulled her close, and then rolled on her, laying on top of her, pressing his erection firmly against her entrance. She looked shocked. _

_ "Spike! I- can't do that."_

_ "Why? Just tell me, and I won't push." He raised her legs around his waist, rubbing his tip against her nub._

_ "There's blood?" She concluded lamely._

_ "Vampire. Love blood. Love your blood. And it washes off."_

_ "It's- that's like blood not from a vein." She winced as a graphic explanation walked through her brain, and thankfully walked out again._

_ "Had blood from your breast, blood from your neck, blood from a cut on your leg, Precious. Don't care where it comes from, long as it's yours." He let his tender expression fade, and the feline smile emerged for a moment. "Blood and arousal is the best thing in the world. And I've only ever tasted yours. That's all I ever want to taste."_

_ "It'll get all over you." She gestured to where his tip threatened to split her open._

_ "And?"_

_ "I've never done that before." She whispered._

_ "Neither have I." He stroked her cheek. Her eyes were disbelieving, but he nodded. _

_ "Never?"_

_ "Never ever." He blushed suddenly. "Kinda be like the first time. For both of us."_

_ She wanted to so badly. But good girls don't do that. The other things, yes, but this wasn't okay. "It's wrong." She whispered, eyes and voice cloaked in deep regret._

_ "I thought nothing we did in our love was wrong. Unless the desire isn't mutual. Tell me it isn't mutual?"_

_ "I can't lie to you." She whispered. "But good girls don't..."_

_ He nodded, accepting at last, and eased her legs back down. He held her hands and smiled down at her, his hips still resting on hers. "Maybe someday you won't feel that I'm bad for you." He kissed her lips gently. "Someday, maybe, I can be all the way good for you." He closed his eyes, a hopeful smile curving on his lips._

_ He wasn't trying to manipulate, she could tell, but he couldn't have chosen truer words if his aim was to make her reconsider his decision. She moved under him restlessly. "I'll get off."_

_ "No. Stay." She pleaded. "You said you never did?"_

_ "That's right." He said matter of factly._

_ "Did your demon?"_

_ "No, Pet, no part of me ever shared that with anyone." She suddenly bashed his head down on to hers, lips meeting and foreheads crashing. So startled that he didn't care, didn't feel anything but the brief blinding pain and then his member engulfed in heat a few degrees warmer than normal. "Buffy." He gasped out._

_ "I want to be the one to give you the first something. I missed all my other chances." She mourned. _

_ "No, no don't think like that, Pet." He soothed. He rocked in and out of her gently, slowly, sharing long, lingering kisses and lots of eye gazing. Until her hands tightened on his shoulders and a little mewl of protest eked from her parted lips. "Luv?"_

_ "Nothing is wrong- but does that mean that nothing can be bad? As in naughty?"_

_ "You know that's not the way we roll, Pet." He suckled her claim suddenly, making her squeeze on him in a dozen little spasms. "Why?"_

_ She looked at him, the good girl melting enough to let him see the firebrand inside, the one who had shagged him into the concrete a lifetime ago. Now they were mixed, loving and living dangerously, all in one beautiful, complete package. "Just wanted to know who was going to lead me on my path to the dark side of the bed?" _

_ "Depends on if you let me have my coveted snack, Honey." He flicked her claim again as he called her "honey", a word that sounded common place on the lips of a hundred housewives and doting husbands. With Spike, "honey" was sex in a word. Everything with Spike was sex in a word, she laughed silently, finding his claim. But honey, he rolled it off his tongue and emphasized the second syllable. And you knew, that when he called you "his honey", he meant you were his drink of choice, and that your sweetest pieces, your hidden treats, belonged to him._

_ "You can have your snack." She was breathless. _

_ "I can keep him in. I don't need the fangs to get to you tonight, it's all leaking out for me, leaking out a hundred times faster than ever, the way your grippin' my cock, Luv."_

_ "Oh... let him come out and play." She purred. His brows arched and ridged, mouth changed shape slightly. "Oh. There. Hungry, Baby?"_

_ "Bloody starvin'." He smiled, still clearly himself, just slightly less cautious. "I'll be back in a minute..." His head dipped between her thighs._

* * *

_ Dawn grunted angrily. "Stupid newlyweds. They so need another honeymoon."_

* * *

"We can do two weeks if you want. This is our honeymoon we're talking about." Jim passed Essie her grilled salmon and deftly grabbed the steaming new potatoes out of the pot with his bare fingers.

"But then we lose an extra week with Sul!"

"My mom, brother, and sister are all fighting over who'll keep him the most as it is. If we make it an even two weeks- no, they'll still fight." Jim laughed and sat down next to the sun kissed blonde.

"Am I a bad wife if I say I only want one week of honeymoon so that we can spend more time with Sul? Does that mean I'm going to turn into one of those women who hasn't had sex in ten years but can tell you the exact date of their kids' ballet recitals and soccer games?"

"Dear God. I hope not." Jim looked none too pleased at the prospect.

"I just want us to have as much time as possible. And I do want a long honeymoon. I want everything. Can I have everything?" She looked at Jim with youthful hope in her eyes.

"Yes." He replied seriously. "But not at the same time." He smirked

"Butthead." She muttered.

"Spaz." He countered. "I want more time with him, too." He said after a moment of playful brooding and playing footsie under the table.

"Yay! Oh, he is gonna look soooo cute in his little tux."

"Oh no, Ess, not back to tuxes." Jim sank down in his chair. "I hate tuxes. I do, Baby, I really do."

"What about if you don't have to wear the bow tie?"

"You're getting warmer." He sat back up. "Can I lose the cummerbund?"

"Then you're just in a suit!"

"Which is what I was going for the whole time." He laughed. She glared. He glared back.

"What about a white shirt and one of those black paisley vests?"

"Paisley?"

"The- the kind with the- pattern thing!" She sputtered, gesturing.

"White shirt, fancy vest, and no tie?"

"Yes, a tie."

"Can we revisit the tie?"

"No, the tie is firm." She smiled and he tired to put on his best tough negotiator face, but failed.

"I'm still gonna have bleached hair, Babe."

"I know! I don't mind." She stood up, giving him a view of her cleavage as she bent over to kiss his much abused scalp. "Actually I do mind. I like running my hands through your hair, but I don't want to if it hurts you."

"Oh, it's so worth it, Essie." He grinned, hooking his finger into her bra and drawing her closer.

Dinner remained half eaten on the table, the couple eating it having unceremoniously fallen to the floor and were having half-dressed, hard and fast sexcapades on the linoleum. Mist and Stripes, sensing their owners distraction, quietly climbed onto the table and ate their salmon.

"Wow. Never done it on the kitchen floor before." Essie said, sitting up.

"So over rated, isn't it? The floor, not the sex." Jim grinned a very Spike-like smirk.

"Do I have tile marks on my butt?" Essie craned her neck.

"No, do I have them on my back?" Jim showed off his expanse of rippling skin.

"No rippling! Stop rippling, or I'll want you some more!"

Jim flexed and laughed, laughter turning to a shout of surprise. "The cats!"

"Bad cats!" Essie started to shoo them off, but Jim stopped her. "Shh. Get the camera off the island." Her eyes lit up and she tiptoed over and got it, pulling her skirt back up around her waist as she did so. Jim tugged his pants up and took the camera from her hand.

"You see how bad these cats are without you, Sul?" Jim did a laughing voice over. "Mist! Stripes! Stripey, look up! Wave to the camera." The cats of course, ignored him. "Fine, they aren't cooperating. Let's look at... there she is! Essie! Give Sul some love."

"Hi Little guy! I miss you so much! I can't wait until you're home with us in just one more week! We need to go music shopping. And it's still warm enough here to swim. Love you!"

Essie blew a kiss to the camera, making sure she flashed her ring, and then shooed the cats off the table as Jim laid the camera down. "Let's call him."

"It's after nine there, his bed time is at 8:30. All I need is a pissed off ex." Jim sighed. "We'll get a break on the set tomorrow and call him." He tempted her with a pad and paper that was almost never far from her side these days. "We can plan our one week honeymoon and maybe, finally, you can pick a color for the dresses."

"You care about the dresses now?"

"Yes, actually, I do. Because while you're off being the star of the show, I get left with at least one woman off stage, armed with a wedding magazine and loaded questions, all revolving around the damn dress and the damn color."

They stayed up until way too late, but neither of them cared. They got a lot of decisions made. Besides, they were both supposed to look exhausted this season, and Jim could totally go with the feeling. It was hard to play the man driven insane by his own soul- if only for the reason that Spike had sought his soul in the first place. Every episode reminded him of what a bad man he had played, and every time he looked up-there was the face of the woman he had acted it out with.

* * *

"The color is lavender." Jim announced dramatically to Ashley, Monica and Max as he and Essie arrived in the lobby. "That's all I know, the rest you can pump out of Essie."

"Does that include me?" Max smiled saucily at Essie, who shoved him and glared.

"Not unless you want to be demoted from groomsman to usher." She threatened.

"I said nothing." Max replied quickly. He turned to Jim. "Are you filming today or just being supportive?"

"Nope, filming." Jim grinned and started mussing his hair. "Gotta love not having to gel."

"See, if you had been the best friend, instead of the villain slash love interest, you wouldn't have had to do the whole gel thing." Max reminded him as they left the group of girls and headed to makeup to begin the day.

"Yeah, but then you'd be the villain, and frankly Max, you just don't have the cheekbones, dude. I'm sorry, man, what can I say."

"That cuts, Jim, it cuts deep." Max laughed and shook out his soft brown hair. "But I totally couldn't go around looking like a bleached boy-band member."

"That's it! You're on the usher list now!"

* * *

Jim, who didn't have a large scene in the fifth episode, although it was crucial, prepared to act it out and prepared for it to take at least an hour. They would probably never be satisfied with how he acted it. How would he ever have begun to ask Essie for help, or not even ask, simply to tell her the problems he was having, if he had actually attempted to hurt her like Spike had done? He wouldn't have. He hoped. It wouldn't be fair to burden someone you'd hurt with any of your own problems.

"Ready, Jim? Ess, is that the 'First as Buffy' shirt or the 'Buffy' shirt? It's the Buffy shirt, someone bring her the other one!"

Jim tucked himself into his curled up ball, and mouthed his lines, working in his stage directions. "You ready for this?" Essie hissed to him.

"I'm good."

"You're not gonna laugh if I cry?"

"No. You gonna laugh at me?"

"Have I ever?"

"Actually- yeah."

"Yeah, but that's because drunken, lovesick Spike is hilarious. Soulful, tortured Spike is not funny."

"I'm sor-"

"Don't." Essie mussed his curls some more. "I already know." A gofer raced to the stage handed her shirt, and Jim watched as she easily switched, a quick tug and change of her shirt, and a quick tug and change of her face. "Ready."

"Ready" Jim echoed.

"Action!

Jim looked down at his knees. Let the words out, feel him, feel his hurt, his confusion. A soul was supposed to make him heal from the pain of his sins- and it only made them flood back a million times more.

_"I don't trust what I see anymore. I don't know how to explain it, exactly. It's like I've been seeing things. Dru used to see things, you know? She'd always be staring up at the sky watching cherubs burn or the heaven bleed or some nonsense. I used to stare at her and think she'd gone completely sack of hammers. But she'd see the sky when we were inside and it'd make her so happy. She'd see showers. She'd see stars. Now I see her."_

Essie's voice was soft and compassionate. _"Spike."_ She's talking to me, too, Jim realized.

_"I'm in trouble, Buffy."_ I still haven't healed, and neither have you. Not all the way. And it's been a long time now. Am I ever gonna heal? Are you?

_ "I can help you."_ I'll always help you. You helped me. Don't you dare forget you helped me. A spark of fire in her eyes reminded him that Essie had a lot of Buffy in her, at least in terms of being determined to help those she loved.

_"I could never ask. Not after..."_ It ends there, and that's good because I can't say what I did. Not again. But I will. I will say it for the rest of the season and maybe for the rest of my life.

_"It's different. You're different."_ You are not him. I am not her. We are real.

_"I could never ask." _Did you ask me? Wasn't it you comforting me that night, that whole time, this whole year? And I gave it back. No one ever had to ask. Neither of us ever had to ask, we just give.

_"Spike, it's me. It's you, and it's me, and we'll get through this."_ She moved closer to him, it wasn't in the directions, but she couldn't help it. Jim' face shone with angst, and how could she not go to him, knowing the words he said out loud mirrored something he carried in his heart?

_"Never..." _He whispered. No, _Spike _whispered it. Jim looked up at her for a moment, and made his eyes say "Always." He ran his hand through his hair, soothing the torment inside. Essie brushed his hand. Just lightly, because the First wasn't supposed to be able to touch. He looked up surprised. She was risking getting the whole thing reshot by touching him. Her lips trembled, just slightly.

_"We'll get through this." _She comforted. Just before she dropped to her knees completely.

"Cut! It's good! Edit out the knee drop! You need a minute?" Neither of them spoke. The scene continued after that, with the real Buffy entering, so Essie would change her shirt in a second and be off again. But for a moment she stayed with him, huddled.

"Can you read me? When I'm not talking? 'Cause sometimes, I feel, lately, like I get pieces of your thoughts, and I'm sure they're real." Essie asked. Jim touched her cheek gently.

"I can. And you?"

"Can hear you like you're talking inside my heart." She whispered. She kissed him, leaving him in his crouch, getting up to change. Life on stage began again.

Soon Jim left, after a quick consultation with Joss, and picking up the filming schedule and locations for the week. And he stopped. His feet headed, of their own volition, to the corner where the dressing room hallway and sets met. Essie was still acting of course, and he watched her. He waited, until she looked up on her way from one area to another. He leaned back and waited. _"I'm still making sure you get out of this okay, Baby."_

She waved and blew him a kiss._ "I know."_

* * *

_"Awwww." Dawn followed Buffy through the house, whining ferociously._

_ "No!" Buffy slammed down the bottle of laundry detergent and faced her sister._

_ "But I'm 16! You went patrolling alone when you were 16! When can I patrol?"_

_ "When you're never!" Buffy traded the bottle for three plates. "Go put these on the table. And then as soon as we're done dinner, we'll walk up to Will and Xander's and you stay with Willow and research! She's going to try to hack into the coroner's website and then the hospital's and get an idea of mysterious deaths and injuries, see if there's a hotspot for activity around here."_

_ "But I don't wanna research, I wanna come with you and Spike!"_

_ "Niblet!" Spike shouted from the training room. "Are you making your sis crazy?"_

_ "No!" Dawn replied as Buffy cried "Yes!"_

_ "Well, don't! I'm waitin' to train with you, Luv."_

_ "Can I go to Willow's now then?" Dawn asked Buffy._

_ "But what about dinner? The spaghetti's almost done, and even I can't ruin that."_

_ "Are you eating or training first?"_

_ "Eating."_

_ "Okay, well as soon as you start training can I go?"_

_ "Sure, but-"_

_ "Training. You and Spike shouldn't train together with someone else in the house." Dawn smiled knowingly. Her sister's mouth opened and closed quickly as she blushed. _

_ "Call when you get there." Buffy said._

_ "Call when I get there? They live-" Buffy glared. "I'll call." Dawn hurriedly began setting the table._

_ After a hasty dinner, Dawn took her book bag and headed out. In about three minutes she called from Will and Xander's, relieving her surrogate parents' worry. Spike and Buffy trained, sparring until Spike was pinned twice and Buffy once, their "three pinnings" rule to keep training from going on all day or night._

_ "I could dance with you all day, Luv." Spike whispered, pushing her wrists over her head._

_ "I know. So much more fun with your chip out. I love it." She purred._

_ "Do you?" He cocked an eyebrow. He'd been able to land a blow on her before, chipped or not._

_ "I used to worry that someday it would suddenly start working with me again."_

_ "When in God's name did you ever worry that?" Spike demanded._

_ "When we started trying to train the mini-slayers." She looked up at him. "You're kinda beautiful when you fight, Spike." She blushed._

_ "Not half as gorgeous as you, Luv." He smiled. He pushed her wrists more firmly to the mat and rocked his hips into hers. "Shall we try another dance?" _

_ "As soon as we're done tonight, and back home. I'm too worked up about patrolling."_

_ "Let's get to it then." Spike stretched on her again, pressing his hardness to her swollen sex once more. She moaned and let him pull her up._

_ "What should we take?" She asked, already pulling things out of her weapons chest._

_ "Stakes, cross bows, you can have a cross and holy water, I'd better not." Spike stood behind her, laughing inside himself. Buffy was only asking to be polite, obviously, as she was already kitting herself up faster than he could speak. "Bring something for the One Eyed Wonder."_

_ "We're running low on stakes." Buffy said with a trace of nerves._

_ "I'll whittle some tomorrow."_

_ "Thanks." Buffy stuffed her bag until it was bulging._

_ "Luv? You're gonna slow yourself down with that lot on you."_

_ "I just want to be prepared. First patrol. Don't know what to expect." She didn't look at him, just kept rearranging her gear, kneeling in front of her chest, not nearly as full as it has been before their last battle._

_ He slowly got to his knees beside her. "No one's gonna snuff it tonight, Luv. Nor any other night, for a long, long time. Least of all you or me."_

_ "I know!" She protested far too quickly._

_ "But if something did happen- remember my promise to you? I'd be with you by daylight, Luv." He kissed her gently._

_ She threw her arms around him, and held him in a death grip. He felt his ribs crackle and she winced as she felt his pain. Buffy immediately loosened her hold before one snapped, and looked up at him with swimming eyes. "Please, please be careful, Spike. I don't want to leave Dawn again, but I will. I will, if I have to find you."_

_ "No one in this family goes anywhere." He pledged with ferocity so strong he vamped for a moment. "You're my wife, my mate. Anyone touches you, and they die."_

_ "I want you before we leave." She said suddenly. He flashed back to his human face and looked at her. "I know I just said we didn't have time- but I want you in me. One more time. In case."_

_ "Of course. Of course, Luv. But don't think of it as one more time. Think of it as 'one for luck.' She acquiesced and shimmied her black stretch pants to her ankles._

_ "But we have to be quick." She pulled her hair up in a high pony tail, which Spike thought made her look so adorable, and he couldn't believe something so sweet and innocent had given her heart to him. And was such a deliciously naughty little treat under that sweet facade. He knew it wasn't just for the sake of patrolling that she did that with her hair. It was to bare her neck to him._

_ "Mm, I've got it, Pet." He unbuckled his belt and lifted her straight from her pants and onto his hardness. "You want all of me in you, don't you? Fangs an' all?"_

_ "Yeah..." She blushed, and wrapped her legs more tightly around him. "I want this claim thingy to be super-strong tonight."_

_ "We'll have to practice, Luv, it isn't like a magic trick."_

* * *

_ "Why do we have to use the laptops? Couldn't we just find the hotspots with some quick little spell?" Dawn asked Willow with big pleading eyes._

_ "We could- but only if it's an emergency or we can't hack into the coroner's website." Willow put a bowl of grapes on the table. "When I'm rested up, Dawnie, I'll start training you, okay?"_

_ "Really? For real?" Dawn squealed and hugged Willow, sending the bowl of grapes skittering halfway across the table as she leapt from her chair._

_ "I notice I didn't receive the squealing hug treatment when I offered to show you how to caulk the tub." Xander emerged from the kitchen in his short brown jacket, pockets bulging._

_ "Oh! Wait! Don't go, let me put this on you." Willow scrambled out of Dawn's arms and began digging through a brown paper bag._

_ "No! No more magic balms, Will, I think the lizard tongue thing gave me a rash." Xander backed up, giving Dawn a one armed hug as he tried to slide out the door._

_ "It's an amulet." Willow ignored her best friend's protests and slipped a small white tear drop crystal over his head. "I bought it at Madge's today, and enchanted it. It harnesses the strength of the friendship of the caster and the wearer."_

_ "This thing is running on Xander and Willow friendliness? Damn, Dawnie, check out the man in the tank-proof necklace!" He twirled impressively. "Thanks, Will." He kissed her cheek as she looked up at him worriedly._

_ "B-but, you still have to be careful, okay? No charging big demons without backup?"_

_ "I promise." Xander soothed. "I'm gonna walk over and get the blondies."_

_ "I would wait another ten." Dawn smiled wickedly. "They were training before I left." Xander clutched his amulet and sat down at the table with his two female companions._

_ "Will? Can't this thing do something for nausea?"_

* * *

_ "Stop fussin', you look fine." Spike reassured his bride. "And are you sure you don't want that ring off?"_

_ Buffy readjusted her clothing as they quick stepped to Willow and Xander's place. "This ring does NOT leave my finger, fang-boy."_

_ "You get it lodged in some demon's throat, an' I'm not waiting for him to pass it." Spike remarked warningly._

_ "So, so gross." Buffy shook her head and gave him an annoyed sidelong glance. Then she tucked her arm through his and they picked up Xander. He joined them on their long walk to the park, sweeping cemeteries and abandoned lots as they went._

* * *

_ "To your right, Luv!" Spike's voice shouted a warning. Buffy flashed a glance to her right and ducked as a vamp aimed a kick at her head._

_ "There's another one!" Xander ducked behind a mausoleum to reload his crossbow._

_ "I've got it!" Spike, duster flying, jumped over a broken grave marker and knocked a large vampire to the ground. 'Hold him!' Buffy's voice shouted in his head as well as split the air, and she rolled over to him, staked the vamp and rolled back. The last vampire standing (aside from Spike, of course) tore off pell mell down the hill. _

_ "This one's mine." Xander waved his hand triumphantly before firing the cross bow's slender wooden stake into the vampire's back. He turned to a shower of fine dust and Xander cheered._

_ "That was good." Buffy looked around, panting slightly. Her husband nodded and Xander grinned. "Okay- next park."_

_ "Is it just me, or are these guys kind of-unprepared?" Xander asked as they walked along._

_ "It doesn't matter, they travel in packs." Buffy sighed. They had already found five vampires on one patrol. "Giles said this place wasn't Hellmouth-y." She pouted._

_ Spike snorted, putting his arm around her, and not really caring that the boy was linking his elbow with hers. Maybe it was the claim that made him see she was almost always thinking of her husband and their future. "This place? Please, Luv, that lot wouldn't have made it one night in Sunnyhell. These vamps are clearly clumsy and sloppy, not great planners."_

_ "And you were a great planner?" Buffy mocked._

_ "I bagged my third Slayer, didn't I?" He asked cheekily. "Bagged her damn good."_

_ "Stop! No sexual innuendo in front of the best friend, please." Xander protested. "As this is now my job, I will report it as sexual harassment in the workplace and sue you for mental anguish."_

_ "Pipe down, I'm talkin' to my wife." Spike smacked his arm, and tensed, waiting for the shock that didn't come. Stupid army wankers and their behavior mod software, he thought. Xander apparently also missed the sight of him clutching his head, giving a deep, regretful sigh._

_ "I don't care that they're so easy to kill, why are there so many of them?" Buffy demanded, ignoring the looks that two of the three men in her life were giving one another._

_ "No one to kill 'em, Luv." Spike smiled. "And from the population we've seen in one night, I'm guessin' fledges turn more fledges until we've got quite an undead crowd." Buffy moaned and rested her head on Xander's shoulder._

_ "But they're dropping like flies, Buffster." Xander cheered her._

_ "Nowhere near the vamp count of Sunnydale, I'm sure." Spike soothed, rubbing her back as they made their way along. "You're like pest control. You come in, you do a few days of hard slayin' and they're all gone. Then we can worry about the other little bits and bobs of evil."_

* * *

_ Dawn and Willow were highlighting the map they had bought the first day they visited Pine Ridge. "Do you think we should have put it in code?" Dawn stood back and admired the map. "Evil Hotspots" was written in bright blue highlighter on the top. A small box was drawn next to it, showing purple stood for "mysterious deaths", blue stood for places where "unusual crimes" had been committed, and yellow showed pathways were "unusual activities" had been reported by either people working with the police or admitted to the hospital._

_ "Dawnie, please. Just labeling a map makes me feel like Andrew, putting it in code would just send me to the great Star Wars convention in the sky." Willow muttered, looking at her laptop and then back to her highlighting._

_ "Good point. Not like anyone but the six of us will ever see it anyway. I don't think I can ever have friends over to the house. With Spike there." Dawn suddenly sounded very down._

_ "You can!" Willow encouraged. "I'm gonna do that 'gray film' spell on the windows tomorrow, and then he can walk around normally. You guys can open the curtains and blinds again. He's smart enough not to walk in front of the door when you let your friends in, and he won't drink blood, or vamp in front of people. He loves you to pieces. He wants you to have a normal life as possible." Willow took Dawn's hands and then hugged her._

_ "I know he does. And I have all of you. But- what if one day you're all like 'Dawn's just a kid', like you used to? And we don't hang out anymore?"_

_ "Not gonna happen." Will shook her head firmly. "We know you're an adult- almost. And you know why we're all a little overprotective of you, right?"_

_ "Does it have anything to do with me being kidnapped and almost killed by a hell-goddess a couple years ago?" Dawn laughed ruefully, and Willow joined her._

_ "Yeah, that was part of it. But we know you're not that kid anymore. You did battle alongside us more times than we could count. And Spike- he wants to keep you safe, but he started training with you, didn't he?"_

_ "Yeah, he did." Dawn smiled proudly. "And boy, did Buffy give him a hard time about it. I hate it when they yell- but I wouldn't even call it fighting after some of the things they used to do." _

_ "Right. They're just-" Willow groped for a word._

_ "Explosive?"_

_ "I was gonna go with passionate, but explosive works, too." Willow double checked the map, passed it to Dawn to triple check, and began closing down her computer. "The point I was getting at is that you're pretty much all grown up now, but we'll probably keep a sharp eye out around you- 'cause we love our Dawnie. But if we still treat you like a kid once you're 18, you can pull the whole 'I'm a legal adult now, treat me like your equal' thing. But I'll warn you- if you do that, you end up having to get a job and pay part of the rent."_

_ "That'll be my back up plan then." Dawn laughed. "Map looked good to me. Are we 'off duty' or are there spells and potions and other witchy or research-y things to do?"_

_ "You can help me fold laundry." Willow smiled, and Dawn groaned, but followed her upstairs._

_ Willow and Xander were best friends for a reason, Dawn thought as she passed through the living room. They both seemed completely at ease with letting their decorating styles clash- and the overall effect- not hideous. Bright red arm chairs and deep brown couch, hand loomed rug thrown over the neutral carpet, and crystals and paintings of various flowy female forms were side by side with cult classic movie posters and lava lamps. Dawn felt safe there, comforted by the mix of goofy, geeky, not exactly coordinated objects that spoke of two people's personalities. _

_ Upstairs, Willow's room (where they folded the laundry) was soft and pastel, had few knickknacks, and tons of bookshelves, mostly unfilled at this point. There was a much creased photo of Tara and Willow in a frame by the bed. Scatter cushions and two stuffed animals adorned the headboard._

_ "These are cute." Dawn picked up the gray and black stuffed cats. "When did you get these?"_

_ "Oh- uh, a couple days ago." Willow quickly took them away and put them gently back on the bed._

_ "I'm sorry." Dawn said softly, feeling bad and having no idea what she'd done._

_ "It's silly." Willow gave a sad smile and then looked back down at the toys. "The gray one is Tara. The black one is me." _

_ "That's not silly! That's beautiful." Dawn felt her eyes moisten as she remembered one of the sweetest and gentlest people she had ever known. "I think that if I had been lucky enough to have Tara- you know, like a partner? I'd have gotten the kitties, too. To remind me. That she's always with me, inside."_

_ "You're a smart kid, Dawnie." Willow gave her the same sad smile, only it trembled. "I bet everyone thinks I'm stupid, missing Tara like this again? After I had Kennedy."_

_ "No one ever thinks you're stupid. Sometimes Xander- but not you." The girls chuckled. "Kennedy was like Riley." Dawn said after a moment._

_ "Say what? Kennedy was butch but no-"_

_ "Not like that!" Dawn smacked her forehead. "Kennedy was like Riley, in a way. You know how Buffy had Angel, then Riley, then Spike? Riley was the good guy in the middle, the nice, steady guy in between the two great loves of her life, her first love, and her last love. And Kennedy- well maybe not in the same order, cause you loved Oz, and then Tara, but- she was the nice steady girl in the middle of your love life. She held you up when you needed her, too, but she didn't like the whole deal you came with- so now you're waiting for the next great love your life to come along." Dawn looked at Willow's mildly upset expression and bit her lip. "Or that could just be my theory. I'm gonna go hang up all these shirts of Xander's!"_

_ "It's a good theory, Dawn." Willow said gently. "I just think that I'm done with loves of my life."_

_ Dawn watched the emerald eyes linger on the worn picture. "Oh. That's okay, too." She whispered softly, and left Willow sitting on the edge of the bed, admiring the lost loved one's photo._

_ Dawn hadn't been into Xander's room before, and she almost felt like she should knock. What if there were guy underwear laying around? But she pushed in, thinking that if she wanted to be treated as a mature adult, she would have to act like one. _

_ Xander's room was bare compared to Willow's. Two posters, a bed with one white pillow and a black bedspread, a black reading lamp on a night stand, and a picture of Anya. One that Willow must have had, it had the same creases in it. Maybe Willow had folded up pictures hastily that last morning and shoved them in her pocket. Or maybe Xander had just had the same idea, wanted to carry the picture of someone he loved into what he thought would be his last battle. _

_ Dawn hung up the shirts and noticed a few other scattered pictures on the floor of the bedroom by the closet. One of her and Buffy. One of Buffy, Willow and Xander. And one of him and Willow. The photos were the only scraps of life she felt in that room._

_ "Willow? Is Xander okay?" Dawn asked. Willow looked up from the laundry and shrugged as Dawn stepped back inside her room._

_ "He acts okay when someone else is around. But then again, so do I. Here- not so much. He spends a lot of time in his room."_

_ "But there's nothing in that room!" Dawn pointed out._

_ "I know. I think that's the point."_

* * *

_ "Call it a night?" Xander panted._

_ "What? It won't be light for hours!" Spike crowed, patting dust off his hands. _

_ "These guys are too easy." Buffy smiled broadly, and then whispered, "No. No, forces of evil, I didn't say that. Please don't doom me to ill-chosen-words related stuff."_

_ "I know they're easy, but I'm beat. Haven't done any serious fighting in two weeks. I'm all soft and marshmallowy."_

_ "You always were." Spike ragged. "But this is jus' the thing for you, mate!" Spike eased off after he felt Buffy's silent twinge of annoyance through their bond. "Straight up, easy kills, no major danger in sight. All we're doin' is thinnin' the herd."_

_ "I think the herd is probably thin enough for one night." Buffy flopped back in the grass. Spike let out a playful growl and immediately joined her, temporarily forgetting that they weren't alone. "Spike!" She giggled._

_ "I'm gonna walk home- try not to get arrested for indecent exposure." Xander muttered. But Buffy was beside him in a flash, Spike trailing a few steps behind, having his nightly cigarette._

_ "Xander! Xander, I'm sorry! That was totally not cool and insensitive, okay?"_

_ "No, Buff, don't make a big deal." Xander looked up to the stars. "I never could watch you get cozy with anyone, not even Riley, much as I liked his _humanness_. Go back and have a roll in the grass. If I had a second chance..." He sighed deeply. "Well, actually I do have my second chance. Got my best friends back alive. I'm gonna go challenge Willow to a nacho eating contest and call it a night."_

_ "Sounds good." Buffy rubbed his shoulder supportively. "And don't forget- Buffys like nachos, too."_

_ "You can come next week." Xander smiled. "I think you'd better go home with short, blonde and pasty tonight. He looks like he has a lot of energy to burn."_

_ "I'm not as worried about him- not in the same way- as I'm worried about you." Buffy insisted._

_ "When Giles comes back, and we have the memorial service- I'll feel better. Okay?"_

_ "Okay." Buffy took his attempt to gloss over his pain in the same way she would have wanted to be treated when she had grieved. The way Spike had taught her to help. "I'm here for you. And I'm not going away, either. And I need you. But if you don't want to patrol yet-"_

_ "What? Miss kicking the asses of the evil? No way." He gave her a wide, genuine smile._

_ "I love you, Xan." Buffy wrapped her arms around him._

_ "I love you, too." He hugged her tightly._

_ "Oh, now really..." Spike, leaning against a tree along the park's bike path looked put out. He had one hand tucked in his belt as he slouched back, letting smoke waft around his head, the picture of a disgruntled vampire in love. "Giles may have sold out, but I don't do group hugs."_

_ "School bus." Xander said under a loud, fake cough._

_ "Shut up, Jolly Roger." Spike flicked his glowing cigarette end away._

_ "Make me, Lily White."_

_ A wave of contentment crashed over Buffy, making her suddenly feel her heart would burst if she felt anymore happiness. "So good to be home." She smiled, stepped between her lover and her best friend, and walked blissfully into the night._

* * *

_To be continued... _


End file.
